Thank you for this video. Your compassion and wisdom have given me what I've wanted from my mother for 48 years and will never get. Ten years into therapy - let the healing begin!
You have such a gentle loving energy, I wish I could see you as a therapist. So many therapists don't have what you have. It's called presence and heartfelt concern. I just checked out your website and there is absolutely no way I can afford this, very disappointed.
Hi Nirmaleva. Thank you so much for your kind words and for watching. If you're on Facebook I have a private group for survivors. I offer other free content at times as well. Also, I will be opening my online course/group in the near future too. You can join the Facebook group here www.courageousjourneys.com/courageouswarriors
I am so glad you made new videos they are spot on (for me anyway) again. Thank you! I was always thinking that I was just born messed up because there are no reasons for me to have issues. I had it nice and easy...right.... well after 1 year in therapy the happy childhood picture is very much gone. I am still not ready to accept everything as it is. I just feel that even if it was bad I should cope better because anything else means I am weak. I guess we should really try and be nice to ourselves. What helped me was imagining some other child in my place... a friend or unknown one doest matter but I am always able to be more compassionate and understanding when it is somebody else. So when situation comes up and I feel like I should cope better or I should get over things etc, I ask myself would I really feel the same if it were somebody else? Some other child? No of course not and that keeps me more in reality :0)) Good luck to everybody else on their journeys
Thanks for commenting Pami. It's amazing how much empathy you can have for another person (even someone you only imagine when you ask yourself about another child) but absolutely none for yourself. I'm glad you are able to see yourself in that way...innocent, worthy, etc.
Thank you so much for sharing those thoughtful videos! I really needed to hear this .. Could you please talk about marital rape and abuse? Looking for stories and resources online makes me feel so alone and invisible especially the experience. .I struggle all the time to accept that it's actually a horrible experience to go through and to accept that it's OK to feel bad.. Everybody around me don't recognize what happened as bad enough to be recognized as trauma..so they assume I should be over it so quickly.. I'm not over it tbh..I'm having a terrible time accepting myself and healing from this..
@@PeggyOliveiraMSW I Want to thank you again for your videos Peggy 🌻 I have been watching them everyday this week and will be hopefully looking forward to hearing your views on marital abuse.. I struggle to find validation from others and so I don't ever bring it up and I also suffer to validate it as bad enough..however the psychological effects and the insecurity is shredding me..
Hi Niamh. Thanks for watching & commenting! I thought it was a great question too. So relevant to most anyone who not only has been abused, but experienced any difficult experience.
Hi Precious Peggy,i say good video,and other videos,keep more videos coming,i say can help many others realize their not the only ones experiencing a lot of this,thank you,love Denny😘🙏🦋
I invalidate myself ALL the time! My childhood seeps these awful traumatic events but then there are "small" things that have happened since then, most recently being 4ish years ago that I feel stupid for even feeling bad about it because it wasn't really that "big" of an experience. But then there is the other side of me that lately is just WAITING for something else to happen to me (in the sexual abuse sense) because I feel like I only go so long before something else happens even if it's "small" (in my eyes) and I'm scared but I'm not in harm with any of my past abusers, but I'm just scared because it feels like "it's about that time" because I can never go too long and I'm afraid to be hurt again although I have no reason to be. Did any of that make sense?
Unfortunately, it does make sense. I say that because it's far too common for people to have additional experiences, even through adulthood. When this happens it incredibly difficult to not only expect it will continue to happen, but that there's something about you making it happen. Which, btw, is absolutely not true. Sometimes we can be the biggest source of invalidation through denial, minimizing, etc. If you haven't already, I would encourage you to find someone specializing in sexual abuse to work with. While there isn't a quick "fix", it is possible to let go of the constant fear and doubt.
I have put off finding help because it is expensive financially, it doesn't seem like there are many help options in my area and I feel like most places would be closed or going to close soon when I would have time to go.
hannahmontanachikey You're right, unfortunately therapy can be quite expensive. However, many communities have rape crisis centers that offer free or low cost counseling & groups (which I would highly recommend) to survivors. Generally they are not only for people who have recently been assaulted. If they do not provide counseling, they can generally recommend someone who is low cost. Also, while many people in private practice don't have later appts, many agencies do. I know it can be overwhelming trying to figure out where to even start. Let me know if you'd like me to help point you in the right direction.
Hi Ivey. Thanks for connecting. As with most issues around CSA, there isn't really a simple answer since there are so many factors to consider. For body memories specifically I would generally say somatic therapy would be most helpful. www.psychotherapy.net/article/healing-trauma-somatic & www.traumahealing.com/ for more information.
How can I speak with you directly? I'm at my wit's end - I think you can help me, sincerely. My situation is unique. Edit: It has caused issues with my sexuality in my relationship - I feel tainted and dirty. It's very mental and the person still tries to contact me. This is recent and I'm 30.
Hello One more question In somatic therapy does the session usually begin with questions such as, Where do you feel tension ? What is your body telling you ? What does your body remember? Do you feel any pain? examples would be headaches, dizziness and so on Thank You
How a therapist uses SE can be different for everyone. If you have a therapist who does SE or plan to contact one, you can ask them what to expect during a session. Many have this information on their website. Sorry I can't be more specific, but everyone has their own way of doing it.
I'm not sure what you're asking in the first question? Somatic therapy is a type of therapy that any Mental Health Therapist can be trained in. Most will identify it in their experience or credentials. It is often abbreviated to SE.
Does everyone need some kind of validation? How is validation for survivors of sexual abuse different from validation for other people that have not experienced sexual abuse?
I do think we all need validation at some points for various things. That validation can look a lot of different ways and even be needed for different reasons. For survivors of childhood trauma, much of the validation is important as it helps move you out of denial and minimization so you can can experience the healing you deserve. I hope that helps.
@@PeggyOliveiraMSW I was invalidated recently as happens to survivors and victims of sexual abuse or any abuse, I suppose. The usual “it’s in the past” type of invalidation as you must very well know about. Do you have other avenues of participatory space for your viewers where you invite questions and give answers, as is commonly done these days through different platforms?
Do u think its wrong to hate my mom. I told her what was going on with my dad at 13 and she said let me go ask him and of course he said no and she said she believed him. I always told myself she doesnt understand. If i bring it up now its "its n the past it doednt matter i had nothing to do with the way u ended up. How do i deal or t Understand that
Faith Loveay I'm so sorry your mom responded the way she did. Your feelings towards your mom are quite normal. I've worked with many people over the years who have felt much more anger towards their mother than their perpatrator. In many ways it can feel like an even bigger betrayal. Your mom's denial has nothing to do with you, what you experienced, or your worthiness or ability to heal. It is ignorance and coping mechanisms (unhealthy and damaging as they are) on her part.
Omg I'm dealing with that now im 23 back at home with my mom and dad I told my mom what happen to me when I was 14 years old I was six when it happened and she rejected me....she tried to make me believe that I was a list
so I resent her and I'm very over protective over my son. love him more than anything but I'm at the point to where I don't want anything to do with it and my parents are trieng to set me back. I've been doing well. my mom asked why didn't I say something like she yells at me and make me believe those things and it's like punishing me and I can't explain that I was afraid she doesn't understand why i wouldn't have said something and she makes me it like what happend to me doesn't matter. And she's tryna twist it around so that she doesn't have to except it. I'm at the point to where when I leave here I'm never returning. because I'm almost at the point of hating my mom for causing so much confusion
It helped me to listen to you. Childhood sexual abuse is so devastating. All we need is validation.
Thank you for this video. Your compassion and wisdom have given me what I've wanted from my mother for 48 years and will never get. Ten years into therapy - let the healing begin!
Thank you, Debbie, for watching and commenting. I'm so happy you found connection through the video. Yes! Let the healing begin.
You have such a gentle loving energy, I wish I could see you as a therapist. So many therapists don't have what you have. It's called presence and heartfelt concern. I just checked out your website and there is absolutely no way I can afford this, very disappointed.
Hi Nirmaleva. Thank you so much for your kind words and for watching. If you're on Facebook I have a private group for survivors. I offer other free content at times as well. Also, I will be opening my online course/group in the near future too. You can join the Facebook group here www.courageousjourneys.com/courageouswarriors
I am so glad you made new videos they are spot on (for me anyway) again. Thank you! I was always thinking that I was just born messed up because there are no reasons for me to have issues. I had it nice and easy...right.... well after 1 year in therapy the happy childhood picture is very much gone. I am still not ready to accept everything as it is. I just feel that even if it was bad I should cope better because anything else means I am weak. I guess we should really try and be nice to ourselves. What helped me was imagining some other child in my place... a friend or unknown one doest matter but I am always able to be more compassionate and understanding when it is somebody else. So when situation comes up and I feel like I should cope better or I should get over things etc, I ask myself would I really feel the same if it were somebody else? Some other child? No of course not and that keeps me more in reality :0))
Good luck to everybody else on their journeys
Thanks for commenting Pami. It's amazing how much empathy you can have for another person (even someone you only imagine when you ask yourself about another child) but absolutely none for yourself.
I'm glad you are able to see yourself in that way...innocent, worthy, etc.
These videos have really helped me understand things. Thank you for being so generous with your ideas, beliefs, and methods of working.
You provide validation and empathy and education to so many. Thank you for that!
Oh, thank you. ❤️ I'm glad it feels that way to you.
Thank you so much for sharing those thoughtful videos!
I really needed to hear this
..
Could you please talk about marital rape and abuse? Looking for stories and resources online makes me feel so alone and invisible especially the experience. .I struggle all the time to accept that it's actually a horrible experience to go through and to accept that it's OK to feel bad..
Everybody around me don't recognize what happened as bad enough to be recognized as trauma..so they assume I should be over it so quickly..
I'm not over it tbh..I'm having a terrible time accepting myself and healing from this..
Thank you for watching. You are certainly not alone.
@@PeggyOliveiraMSW I Want to thank you again for your videos Peggy 🌻
I have been watching them everyday this week and will be hopefully looking forward to hearing your views on marital abuse..
I struggle to find validation from others and so I don't ever bring it up and I also suffer to validate it as bad enough..however the psychological effects and the insecurity is shredding me..
Hi Niamh. Thanks for watching & commenting! I thought it was a great question too. So relevant to most anyone who not only has been abused, but experienced any difficult experience.
Ive learned more since watching you speak more then any therapy ive had in fortytwo years,
Thank you so much for taking the time to watch and comment, Margot. I am truly honored for the connection you were able to make.
Peggy. I just came across this and found it very helpful this video.
Thank You. UK.
I'm so glad it was helpful. Thank you for watching and commenting. ❤️
Hi Precious Peggy,i say good video,and other videos,keep more videos coming,i say can help many others realize their not the only ones experiencing a lot of this,thank you,love Denny😘🙏🦋
Thank you so much!
I invalidate myself ALL the time! My childhood seeps these awful traumatic events but then there are "small" things that have happened since then, most recently being 4ish years ago that I feel stupid for even feeling bad about it because it wasn't really that "big" of an experience. But then there is the other side of me that lately is just WAITING for something else to happen to me (in the sexual abuse sense) because I feel like I only go so long before something else happens even if it's "small" (in my eyes) and I'm scared but I'm not in harm with any of my past abusers, but I'm just scared because it feels like "it's about that time" because I can never go too long and I'm afraid to be hurt again although I have no reason to be. Did any of that make sense?
Unfortunately, it does make sense. I say that because it's far too common for people to have additional experiences, even through adulthood. When this happens it incredibly difficult to not only expect it will continue to happen, but that there's something about you making it happen. Which, btw, is absolutely not true.
Sometimes we can be the biggest source of invalidation through denial, minimizing, etc.
If you haven't already, I would encourage you to find someone specializing in sexual abuse to work with. While there isn't a quick "fix", it is possible to let go of the constant fear and doubt.
I have put off finding help because it is expensive financially, it doesn't seem like there are many help options in my area and I feel like most places would be closed or going to close soon when I would have time to go.
hannahmontanachikey
You're right, unfortunately therapy can be quite expensive. However, many communities have rape crisis centers that offer free or low cost counseling & groups (which I would highly recommend) to survivors. Generally they are not only for people who have recently been assaulted. If they do not provide counseling, they can generally recommend someone who is low cost. Also, while many people in private practice don't have later appts, many agencies do. I know it can be overwhelming trying to figure out where to even start. Let me know if you'd like me to help point you in the right direction.
I love this video what a great question! Tho I do find myself invalidating all the time among other things. Anyway can't wait for your next update :)
Validation = compassion
Yes! Thanks.so much for watching.
Just starting watching your video, ive been dealing with this for fortytwo years,since teh abuse happenned,
Thanks so much!
My pleasure.
Which therapy works best for PTSD body memories flashbacks ?
DBT
EMDR
PE
therapy
I would assume PE therapy just want to make sure
Thanks
Hi Ivey. Thanks for connecting. As with most issues around CSA, there isn't really a simple answer since there are so many factors to consider.
For body memories specifically I would generally say somatic therapy would be most helpful. www.psychotherapy.net/article/healing-trauma-somatic & www.traumahealing.com/ for more information.
How can I speak with you directly? I'm at my wit's end - I think you can help me, sincerely. My situation is unique.
Edit: It has caused issues with my sexuality in my relationship - I feel tainted and dirty. It's very mental and the person still tries to contact me. This is recent and I'm 30.
Hi Ingrid. You can send an email to healing@courageousjourneys.com.
Hello
One more question
In somatic therapy does the session usually begin with questions such as,
Where do you feel tension ?
What is your body telling you ?
What does your body remember?
Do you feel any pain? examples would be headaches, dizziness and so on
Thank You
How a therapist uses SE can be different for everyone. If you have a therapist who does SE or plan to contact one, you can ask them what to expect during a session. Many have this information on their website. Sorry I can't be more specific, but everyone has their own way of doing it.
Factors such as time of the abuse, severity of the abuse, dissociation?
Also , is a LPC trained in somatic therapy ?
I'm not sure what you're asking in the first question?
Somatic therapy is a type of therapy that any Mental Health Therapist can be trained in. Most will identify it in their experience or credentials. It is often abbreviated to SE.
Thank you.
Thank you for watching. :)
Thank you
You're welcome, Ivey :). Thank you for watching and commenting.
Does everyone need some kind of validation? How is validation for survivors of sexual abuse different from validation for other people that have not experienced sexual abuse?
I do think we all need validation at some points for various things. That validation can look a lot of different ways and even be needed for different reasons. For survivors of childhood trauma, much of the validation is important as it helps move you out of denial and minimization so you can can experience the healing you deserve. I hope that helps.
@@PeggyOliveiraMSW I was invalidated recently as happens to survivors and victims of sexual abuse or any abuse, I suppose. The usual “it’s in the past” type of invalidation as you must very well know about. Do you have other avenues of participatory space for your viewers where you invite questions and give answers, as is commonly done these days through different platforms?
Do u think its wrong to hate my mom. I told her what was going on with my dad at 13 and she said let me go ask him and of course he said no and she said she believed him. I always told myself she doesnt understand. If i bring it up now its "its n the past it doednt matter i had nothing to do with the way u ended up. How do i deal or t
Understand that
Faith Loveay I'm so sorry your mom responded the way she did. Your feelings towards your mom are quite normal. I've worked with many people over the years who have felt much more anger towards their mother than their perpatrator. In many ways it can feel like an even bigger betrayal. Your mom's denial has nothing to do with you, what you experienced, or your worthiness or ability to heal. It is ignorance and coping mechanisms (unhealthy and damaging as they are) on her part.
Omg I'm dealing with that now im 23 back at home with my mom and dad I told my mom what happen to me when I was 14 years old I was six when it happened and she rejected me....she tried to make me believe that I was a list
so I resent her and I'm very over protective over my son. love him more than anything but I'm at the point to where I don't want anything to do with it and my parents are trieng to set me back. I've been doing well. my mom asked why didn't I say something like she yells at me and make me believe those things and it's like punishing me and I can't explain that I was afraid she doesn't understand why i wouldn't have said something and she makes me it like what happend to me doesn't matter. And she's tryna twist it around so that she doesn't have to except it. I'm at the point to where when I leave here I'm never returning. because I'm almost at the point of hating my mom for causing so much confusion
your last video was 5years ago
I was just getting started 5 years ago. :) There are many videos to watch since creating this one.
i like your hair in this video ! haha ... but you have great videos