Ep 12 - Esther Perel - Developing Erotic Intelligence
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- Опубліковано 30 вер 2024
- World renowned love guru and couples psychotherapist, Esther Perel, poignantly describes the realities of romance, including infidelity and complacency in relationships. Why do we cheat even when we're in happy relationships? Can relationships be repaired after an affair? How do we maintain romantic excitement in the face of familiarity? Esther shares with us thoughtful and seductive solutions to tackle these eternal dilemmas.
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She is SO right when she observes that the notion there is something wrong with your relationship if somebody strays contains no nuance and a shallow understanding of the dynamics people are dealing with in a marriage. This woman is truly brilliant and has the most complete, most compassionate answers I've ever heard afloat in our society when it comes to this topic.
With my partner for 14 years here!! We still flirt and play around like we did in our 20s when we started dating. In fact, I think our bond and connection is more magical than it was back then because now we have this level of comfort with one another so we don’t hold back. Every session of intimacy is like the very first time except better!! It’s amazing 🤩!! However I will say that I do have to pursue and work my magic to get him worked up to the point of being ready to GO!! Haha he’s a very active and motivated person so he is go go go all day. He is usually tired by our bed time which people have come to think that is the time for sex but why?!! When we were younger and before kids of course, we didn’t care where or what time haha sooo we have held on to that mentality. We both work from home now which makes it easier but still even before that we seized whatever opportunity presented itself. Thinking outside the box has saved our relationship and kept it alive!! And I also like to joke that leaving marriage out of the equation has a lot to do with it too 😝
😊😊😊
And a nacississt will never be remorseful or communicated the desire to look for another After 45yrs of marriage. Nothing changed in the marriage other than I could no longer commit to the sexual side of my marriage. Due to his financial control on me and all that went with this control.
Divorce was the end of my marriage and the only option for me.
Learning to love myself again over this past year has been my reward. Not that it's been easy it's been hard and especially for my married adult children and grandchild. He has lost it all.
I'd like to know what is the link between the loneliness of modern life and the habit of overeating and/or eating intensely flavored foods such as fast food, sweets, salty food etc
Wow this was excellent.It helped to address many things in my life.Thank you.
Esther, you are doing amazing work. Thank you!
13:37 What do sex mean to you? Where do you go in sex?
22:00/ 27:00 about infidelity, why man cheat and how to heal it. starting a second marriage which each other
This is very powerful teaching thank you Esther
Everybody should read and listen to Esther’s work. Our relationships would be so much more fulfilling.
People lose desire in their relationship and look for it elsewhere 🥺
There is a little bit of familiarity breeds contempt in some situations. Sincerity lacks when infatuation is mistaken for love and people get lost in it all in the beginning. One should never make important decisions when the mind is in turmoil. Your have to keep putting wood on the fire if you want it to keep burning and the right wood if you want heat. We are a flawed species and relationships are complicated. This lady knows her game and people who have listened to her surely must benefit.
Bartholomew Chuzzlewit nowadays many people want to keep the wow feelings of the honeymoon period... once the butterflies goes down they go look for the butterflies elsewhere and they say: I don’t feel IT! 🤦🏼♀️
@@nathalie5238 That's infatuation not real love it the first place in my opinion..when you are young, you vare oblivious to the real meaning of life time commitment and if there is insincerity on the part of either party, then it is inevitable that the wheels will fall of the cart.The human psyche is so complex, and with materialistic values now overriding moral values, it has become increasingly difficult for relationships to survive. I live alone away from people but have had a great deal to do with them for 50 years. I did not sit on the verandah and watch the crs go by . I knocked around the pubs and pool tables, I learned so much about men and saw infidelity by close acquaintances that made me squirm.I quickly learned that most men (not all ) have got a hole in the end of their dick to get air to their brain.
.I never looked sideways at another woman, yet my wife of 27 years became unfaithful in a wewk moment I believe. So obviously after all those years, I was not doing something right. 25 years on I realize that we change, and as Ester says there is a need to reinvent ourselves .I am young at heart, very healty with an extremely active and creative mind, but I could not be bothered looking for someone, because I know how difficult it is to find someone who is sincere as well as each meet the other person's needs . good luck and thank you for taking the time to respond to my comments.
Thank you for this video. So many good and challenging things said that give a hopeful direction forward individually, relationally and socially.
You don't have to do more, just learn to listen well and act upon it as best as you can. It even can include you have to do less. Learn togive attention in a purposeful way. For the benefit, the support of your partner.
Amazing ideas… you might have struck gold as to figuring out finally how we all make things work as men and women. While it starts in the realm of relationship, it is so applicable to almost every aspect of life. I’m speechless.
This was very helpful!!!
LIFE ALTERING AND ABSOLUTELY THOUGHT PROVOKING
The Power of Love or the Love of Power leads to at least one critical question:
How is this dichotomy resolved in the context of a sustainable relationship?
Continually redefining and recreating your relationship newly as the partners grow and change
This is packed with a lot of useful perspectives!! Thank you!
Hoping to "develop " myself out to safety n safe ppl. Emotional IQ connects to erotic intelligence as well. I had it all. I never misused what I had .
So SO intellectual.
Flora Aye, Yes, to intellectual to me. How can you intellectualise the smell, the sound, Fresh sheets on the bed, or satin sheets, your or his choice of lingerie... 🥂
Very good topic: how do you premeditate sex when you have family and there are kids running around all the time?
Eutopian Nonsense 💙
OMG my whole look at on sex has switched 😍.
Ngosa Chai_Anderson what do you mean?
Please elucidate.
Esther is a treasure.
The Fi men are not worth wasting time on them.Or their likes. This is my personal opinion.
Esther you can’t possibly know how much I love you appreciate your words. You described my situation exactly at 37 min. At 61 my wife- ms is total invalid that I take care of and love. My special gal is in Dubai is the most wonderful source of joy to me. She visits w my wife too. She Is going to give up her life to come live w us to assist me as soon as visas open up. I fully expect criticism. We will give up church and or friends if need be. If you want to interview us for ur show possible. Your the best esther. You would love me Ever since I was a teen I said the best thing in the world is to have a deep talk w a woman!! It cracks me up to death to imagine when you have fight w ur husband he throws your expertise in your face.
"people to help us manage the complexities of Modern relationship"
...cherish the Space reserved for us
We wholeheartedly Invite You to join us in the Changes We've made
These ideas will change the world…
I"m 15 minutes in, and It seems to me that she does a great job of offering a woman's perspective. I experience women pretty much exactly the way she describes sex in general, but I don't experience MYSELF that way. It feels like most of these rituals are for her and not him. Of course I'm not in one of those relationships where the man doesn't want sex.
psusac Erm I find her insightful on a number of issues for people of all genders.
I think the question is : can we build a bridge between the two perspective? What if the woman you are talking about are thinking you are the best lover ?
Yeah. I tend to agree. Comments section is overwhelming female. Nothing wrong with that of course, the message is clearly just resonating with women more than men. I’ve certainly taken a few ideas away :)
I do think it's quite unreasonable for couples to expect to be together forever. In truth, people get exhausted of each other. Life is also lived in phases as people constantly change, grow, and evolve.
Thus, people should enjoy each other as long as it last. Then once, they can't tolerate each other, they can say goodbye amicably.
It's much better and reasonable than people struggling to stay together; till death do them part.
where do you go?
How? Why? For whom?
I cut mens hair for a living and i ask many questions to the men that have been married more than once and some say they fell out of love but they are still friends what do you think happened in this type of marriage?
No longer attracted. Bored. No longer a mystery.
Might I add porn. It likely doesn't help.
Lack of communication. No longer bonding. No longer doing things together.
Probably a lot of other things into play (or at least a few). Outside temptation also, sadly.
@@reneesmith4314 so maybe next time i should tell them that it sounds like they didn’t care enough to respect their partner and if they would have taken care of the relationship they would still be together because marriage is work and if they are working on it and constantly thriving to make it better and be better than they wont fall in temptation traps and so know that porn wont help out their marriage.
Lazy people fall out of love. Like what is this high school. You get what you give out of a relationship
Expectation of instant gratification. Sense of entitlement.
RITUAL???
Understand the "Why"
Symtomatic Trespass
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She is 100% correct.
Can you please add a little more information about Nom and provide a link to it? Thanks
apps.apple.com/us/app/non-sensory-meditation/id1367738672
Subtítulos al español please!! Gracias
Would this apply to someone who is asexual?
What it meant for me? What it did to you? 🤔🤔💖
@22:53 "What is the definition of infidelity?" Is a wife holding back and using sex as a method of control from the man..is this infidelity? If a man is being starved at home, he will eat elsewhere. Who caused him to seek his meals away from home?
Esther makes a very good point when the man is dating her he pursues her and He makes himself pretty irresistible so is he making himself irresistible or is he just wanting to Poker
Why is the wife withholding? Why is she so hurt she feels she has to in order to defend herself.
Why should they stay married?
Infidelity wouldn't happen if both get honest and have the courage to let go. This way he can eat his meals wherever he wants, and she can be without sex just because she doesn't want to share her body/intimacy/love is over...
Patriarchy when it made pussy the most prized commodity on the planet and took all other power from women and made us disempowered in relationships.
Black Knight Fool You’re a disgusting individual 😒😒
"Controversial." Really, narrator. Please cite your sources.
Think it's due to the sympathy for the betrayer which is uncommon in mainstream narratives. In reality Its a grounded, balanced, objective and insightful view.
How do I contact you for counselling?