Did We Fail Men? || The Male Loneliness Epidemic || Shoe0nHead React
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- Опубліковано 27 вер 2024
- IS SOCIETY FAILING MEN?
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The original video
• The Male Loneliness Ep...
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streamelements...
If there's depictions of a true man I like it's ones like Uncle Iroh and Aragorn. If such behavior was encouraged things could be much better. They are very good examples of positive masculinity and are ideal role models despite being fictional.
Uncle Iroh is the best!
Piccolo is also a good role model specially after his redemption
@@Dipperdog_RPGirl There is a video from the UA-cam Master Samwise expanding on why Uncle Iroh so great.
in general male characters in LOTR are so tender with each others. I've also realized how great of a friend Samwise is.
@@Gensolink Samwise really is a great friend. You can admit though that Legolas and Gimli are also great friends.
I tried to vent to my sister once. She ignored me fully. I tried venting to my mother. She yelled at me how I'm not helping her with her problems. So I tried my grandmother. I got the whole "pull yourself up" from her. Yet all of them vent on me.
So I keep it to myself or i end up talking to my cats. So far, my cats actually help. They crawl into my lap and headbutt my face.
Your cats are angels that's adorable!!!!
My cat is a lil brat but I still love her
Sounds like your kitty knows you're upset and does its best to offer comfort. Headbutting is a big deal for them.
I used to have cats, I loved talking to them.
@@DinnerForkTongueCats are more perceptive of a man’s feelings than women are. 😂
@@Spectacular_Insanity Nah, they're not more perceptive. They're just more inclined to do something about it.
36:06 - for most men its not a problem to earn less then his girl. But for most women man are unatractive if they earn less then her...
And that's extremely stupid as well as many other things, they find unattractive
Not being the bread winner in my household wluld never sit right with me.
I do think that a lot of men simply derive fulfilment and genuine happiness out of providing for someone they love though. It's not an insecurity thing, it's just that some of us have an idea or depiction of what we want life to be like, and the things that bring us joy don't/wouldn't shine through in a relationship like that
I could see how much my dad found validation in being useful and a provider and how as he got older and could not do what he used to affected him in his final years.
It might not be all men, but the desire is very real for some men, and that goes into overdrive once they have children. Other guys around my age becoming fathers and having that "dad switch" flipped on in their brain.
Comparison is the thief of joy. You get compared to the boyfriend or husband of her BFF or co worker who is a VP of a big company or a male model.
Not fair to say it's all women, but it seems to be getting more attention that women AND "high value men" trade up like people are a car to be driven into the ground abs swapped out for something new and exciting.
"do men not have a way to vent to" No no we don't this is why shoes video exists
And if you try, a woman would come out of the woodwork and mock you for it.
You could…oh I don’t know…see a therapist?
@@Grf1556 You willing to pay for it then?
@@Grf1556
Thanks for proving my point.
@@Enchie I'm a guy, and I used to be a lonely asshole until I got therapy. Now I have a much more robust social life and friend circle.
The world has changed, but what is expected of men didn't, and when men do not meet these expectations they feel like failures.
Well said
Feel like and are treated as failures
This is... yeah, this feels like the laconic summation of the problem.
It doesn't help that there are biological and instinctual inclinations backing that all up.
I’m nearly 40, so I don’t know what young men are going through, but here’s my story.
When my elementary school did the “puberty talk”, and all the boys were together, we were told that our natural inclination was towards being a rapist and an abuser. That we had to fight this urge daily lest we become the monster that our Y-chromosome makes us.
During the discussion of consent, somebody asked about how when we were younger and girls would chase the boys to kiss them. No, that’s not the same thing. It was our toxicity that made the boys run. Running away hurt the girls’ feelings.
In High School I had a crush on this gal and we passed notes back and forth. What I didn’t know is that when we’d finish a page, she was going back and changing what she’d written to be begging me to leave her alone. I was nearly expelled.
In collage, a woman SAed me and when I went to talk to the therapist in staff therapist for students, I was told that I couldn’t get help because it would hurt the real victims.
Wow, sorry you had it so rough...the state that school was in, was it Red or Blue...?
I'm in Texas and im only 28. When I was in elementary and we had the health ed class I dont remember being fed such trite.
I’m 40, and the only “puberty talk” the school gave me was in Health class, and lasted less than an hour and was all clinical. No feelings or anything. And the class was Co-Ed.
So sorry to hear that! I live in Sweden, am 32 yo and our sex ed was much much better than this.
It's not about a man not wanting a woman out earning him, it's a woman wanting a man who's out earning her
Yeah, that's part of it.
@@johnj.spurgin7037 It's almost the entirety of it.
Exactly bruh, “hypergamy”
In my own experience from hearing other people talk, the problem doesn’t typically come from the man feeling threatened about the woman earning more than him. A lot of the time, a good amount of women (not all of course) will look down on men that doesn’t make as much or more than her.
This is well established by research.
While there are some men bothered if a women earns more then him, its relatively rare within the demographic. "she makes more then i do" and "she makes less then i do" are both typically rated lowly in surveys measuring traits evaluated when dating for men.
Conversely its a relativly common perspective of a lot of women that "he makes more then i do" is one of the more highly weighted attributes by women on average when surveyed about their dating preferences.
35:52 other way around, women who out earn men tend not to get into a relation with those men.
Hypergamy is real
@@A-RedHerring & it is a female only trait
@@WakeUpToReality... Since the dawn of time.
The caveman the caught the biggest fish got the cavewomen with the hairest bush.
We don't vent to people. We swallow it because if we do trust someone enough to confide in them without the threat of that being held against us, then we don't want to burden them with our issues. So we swallow it and just deal the best we can.
Relatable with the trust of shared info or it could be used against you is anxiety inducing.
@@Dipperdog_RPGirl I can say personally that I've wanted to try and find others to socialize with IRL, but I don't feel like I can trust anyone with even meaningless opinions for fear of having all that turned on me.
I'd also go further and say we keep things to ourselves to avoid troubling others.
@@RocRolDisas someone who has experienced it, yes, it does happen
@@Dipperdog_RPGirlI've also noticed less and less people are willing to find the limits of each other. Meaning the 2nd a disagree happens that's the end of the relation/friendship.
Meanwhile with my 3 closest homies we've been to the point where fists were about fly in both directions over a disagreement. Yet we've been homies for 15 years now because we reached the limit and learned when to cut a conversation before it gets explosive again.
Conflict resolution skills is missing in the current day.
Men get ostracized for speaking about their problems in any sort of manner, but then get crapped on more when we then refuse to open up or express our emotions. And it's a vicious cycle not just on emotional stuff either; they say what they are looking for in a man, the man does that to appeal to them, then gets the "now you are just like all the other guys."
That's my experience with that, and I gave up on dating or being with anyone 14 years ago, and it still hurts.
No we’re not ok
Yeah agree
Nobody is okay.
Sick Darth Revan pfp
Most men (including me) are incredibly lonely because we feel trapped by society. Most, if not all, of my younger male friends and acquaintances are single, and are incredibly hesitant to get into the dating field even though they want to. They keep getting ridiculed because they don't conform to society's vision of what a man should be, women make fun of them for trying to be themselves or show emotion, and most importantly they don't want to be labeled as creeps. So we just bear with it and soldier on I guess until something changes or we get a lucky break.
I myself don't really have anyone to vent to. Anyone I try to open up to just tells me to man up and shut up. I don't remember the last person I shared a significant emotional encounter with (family notwithstanding).
All that to say no, no we are not doing okay.
for me, I feel like I'm cursed, because whenever, I go looking for a relationship I run into all of the crazy women, but when I just go looking for friends, I end up finding girls that are my type,but they end up as just friends so life is kind of giving me the middle finger
@@ZorusSerif Cuz the shitty thing is, those decent girls you can make friends with and 100% know you can build a great future with...
They can easily match with a dude on Tinder that's waaay outa their league. So they think they deserve more because guys are willing to date down but those dudes will never give them a ring.
Then they look at you as if they're the ones who are dating down to date you. When in reality once you wipe their faces clean you realize how delusional they actually are lol.
Many men say that the only emotion that they're "allowed" to feel is anger.
I'm currently learning about feeling my emotions after trying to ignore the negative ones for years.
Heaven forbid you feel happy, every woman within 5 miles shows up to tear you down 😅
because anger isn't actually an emotion to some for whatever reason...
Unless you had anger issues as a child, then you aren’t allowed to feel ANY emotions. YAAAAYYY
You should definitely watch her follow up video, also hearing Dipper say penis is quite hilarious to me.... I know I am immature LMAO
Didnt Dipperdog already react to it? "Women are not okay" or what are you referring to?
The followup video is the "Men Deserve to be Lonely" one.@@TomDebridge
"do men not have a way to vent to?"
The majority of people, in my experience, think men are supposed to be strong. Tough. Stoic. Damn near unfeeling, even. We're not allowed to cry or say "hey, this thing upsets me". If we do, we're told to stop crying and that we just have to man up and deal with it and ton of other stuff that all boils down to "your feelings don't matter". So we just bottle it up and hold onto it.
The "be yourself" rhetoric is what got us into this mess. Similarly, while your effort is appreciated, "just take a better photo" is also just old advice that's been heard a million times before. It's not a magic fix that's going to shift the tide of everything wrong with dating apps.
Men don't have a problem with women earning more, Shoe's point is that it's women who have a problem with earning more than men. And the more money women earn their demand becomes exponentially greater not less. The argument 50 years ago was that if women can earn like men then they can marry for love and not think about money, but it turns out it's part of their nature, not part of their circumstances -- and the more women are able to act of want rather than need the more they emphasize this aspect. It's the same as the more egalitarian a society becomes the more people choose gender dominated professions.
I will never vent to anyone ever again. Especially a future gf. Last time I did that she left me, and I didn't think that shit actually happened.
You don’t have any friends and family to vent to?
@@Samagachi Not really no.
@@toastyjelly9089 Sounds like something you should be working on then.
@@EriaAri xD
@@EriaAri no point
I dont vent to others.. since i dont have any ppl that i trust to that degree that i feel comfortable to vent my problems
Have you considered seeing a therapist to vent?
@@Grf1556 therapist costs money. And not really obligated or guarantee to help you.
@@smokinggun8418 So does a gym membership, but so many guys I knew eagerly spent their money on gym memberships and are still misraable.
@@Grf1556 The problem is, can they afford it?
@@Grf1556 Bro are you an undercover therapist or something, human relationships dont hinge on therapists some people just need people they trust not someone getting paid to care.
You know, I used to tell myself I didn't get lonely. But I'm 33 soon and never even held a girls hand. Internet has all but convinced me I must have failed to be an interesting person. If I ask for advice online on how to get into dating without being creepy I get "If you have to ask then you ARE creepy", "Stop viewing women as walking fleshlights", "You are an entitled incel" and so on.
I've got issues that working out and therapy can't fix. Makes me feel unworthy since a man with mental health issues is either an ick or seen as using a partner as a crutch (which is somehow okay if it's a girl doing it). God forbid we bring back relationships where people support each other!
nope. we don't vent. you know why? because we get shamed for it. do we ever pop? nope. you know why? because we get shamed for it.
As a man with "Girl Emotions" im glad one girl gave me the time of day, even if it only lasted a year. I know it won't happen again though. No friends and no partner for the rest of your life makes it hard to get up in the morning.
same here
I think with shoe shes very loud about men issues is because no one really is loud about any men mental health issues and pressures. Thats my take anyway i know women and children do have many problems in our age they do many voices to help em out, also if you think about it futaba is a hikikomori
Everyone is in a crisis but shoe makes videos about both genders, so she's not leaving out women, she just makes one video about one side at a time and then the other side instead of combining it into one video. Love all your reactions and ff7 streams!
"Why does anyone listen to [Andrew Tate]" Because as much as I dislike him and a lot of his ideas, his message to men is better than the mainstream narrative. Not that it's difficult considering the mainstream narrative to men is "Everything is your fault, nobody wants you, you are awful and always will be because of how you are born". I think Jordan Peterson has better messages regarding living a better life for men, but he's already being persecuted just for trying to help more men than women.
Yep, the reason that he gained popularity is that he spoke on common experience, such as the used clip about how men are only valued for what they produce for someone else. He then packaged that with a world view that gave a surface level explanation, and made money off of it. I certainly dislike his message, but to sell something, there need to be some hooks to latch onto. I watched family courts destroy three good men, because they were men. There is a lot of silent suffering going on that people will exploit.
true, there are always a grain of truth to the statements he says and he puts it in an inflammatory way that gains traction online and gets everyone talking about the topic just because they do or dont like him.
Andrew Tate finds the illness that no other can see (male alienation) but prescribes for it poison (vanity and consumerism), which is why he's such a stand out figure amongst hordes and hordes of political ideologues. Most grifters fail to find a struggle or ill that is damning enough for its victims to swallow their magic pill.
And why do a lot of women listen to cardi b or any women or kim Kardashians who Shames men? They want men to stop listening to people they hate, but if we do it, it's sexist and control. Remember, the tyler swift coin thing . Is swear anything men do is always toxic but never with women . They talk about boy moms. But never daddy girls like they both are toxic
In regards to your question about men venting. It can be dangerous. If you get really worked up while venting people will begin treating you as a violent threat, then they distance themselves from you. Makes the problem worse. Cycle repeats. Best to vent alone or through a hobby of some sort.
As for people like Andrew Tate. It's tough to dismiss him outright. I definitely see where what he says comes across as rude and downright disrespectful. He also has opinions that are solid. From the little I've seen of him he encourages men to focus on self-improvement (i.e. going to the gym, learning new profitable skills, pursuing career growth). These taken by themselves are aren't bad advice, even if I disagree with him about why I would want to improve myself.
To the Tate point, that's part of the grift. You can't just sell crap to someone, you have to sprinkle in bits of truth and reality to add legitimacy to everything you say. It's something you see a lot with high-profile manipulators. "He was right about this, so maybe this concept has something to it."
Also the problen with Tate is that he sells you go actions with toxic reasoning. Go the gym, not because it's good for you, but because it'll make women want to sleep with you. Learn profitable skills, byt not to provide for yourself and a family, but to buy nice sportscars and, again, get women who want to sleep with you. The problem is that this toxic reasoning ends up biting young men in the ass when they do succeed and then can't find a girl to sleep with them, figuring it to be "women these days," rather than the mindset they've fallen into. And then it falls back into the same cycle they were in before.
@@TwilightWolf2508 "Fun" fact, this is also how cults rope people in
Men don't Vent. Because when we do it gets thrown back at us, or worse used against us. We can't be vulnerable to anyone because we'll just be thought of as weak for complaining.
And a lot of the ones that do it blame it on "toxic masculinity". So essentially it's framed as a problem with men rather than against men.
Men can vent, but anger is the only emotion we are allowed to express. Anything else is considered “unmanly”.
@@Spectacular_Insanity Except we aren't allowed to express anger either, because then we're yet another "angry, scary, abusive man".
Vulnerability ≠ weakness. But it can be a risk with those who for one reason or another don’t respect it.
I think that might be more of a feature than a bug. At least I adopt more of an evolutionary psychology view of these things, and men did evolve to be the "doers" while women evolved to be the "stabilizers". This doesn't mean that we should build our society around those assumptions, but to me, it seems like that is how humans evolved, and getting past that is not something you can culturally change within a generation or two.
As a solution, I wouldn't encourage men to become more like women in this regard and be more open about their feelings, but expand therapy and psychology beyond the "let's talk about our feelings". We have tons of data that therapy simply isn't very effective for men*, while therapy is more effective than nothing, there is a clear gender gap in efficacy. Perhaps it is time to consider the possibility that for most men, sitting down and opening up about their feelings is the wrong approach. I would be interested in seeing if men with depression etc joining volunteering work or some other activity that had a clear and unambiguous purpose and objective while providing a sense of purpose and community would work better than traditional therapy. When Shoe said that men need a purpose or they will die, she was 100% right. There's no purpose in crying to a therapist about your horrible life.
* I would provide sources for the claim, if YTs filter bot wasn't completely braindead and didn't hide all comments with urls. But if someone is skeptical, I can point you into the right direction.
I think we've failed not only men, but just everyone in general.
Society has failed itself.
Honestly Sh0e is right, social media is a big part of that.
When you are no longer getting the real time emotional feedback from hurting someone written on their face and their body language because all your major communication is done through a screen (and often just thru text) you start to think of them as things rather than people.
Couple that with modern feminist media that is basically designed to dehumanise men for girls and women and it's not too good at all - and on the flip side of that the boys and men with nobody to turn to end up falling under the influence of unscrupulous actors that basically just acknowledge they exist and deserve to live well as a prelude to radicalising and grifting money from them.
Another thing is watching this trend of people who see films like John Wick and are fully enraged at the thought of a fictional dog being killed - while watching literally crowds of (often ordinary non antagonist) men being killed in other films doesn't even get an eyeblink.
To say that modern society is teetering on a knife edge toward oblivion is not a huge stretch at this point unless we all decide to start treating each other like people again, and not disposable objects we communicate to through screens.
Society has been in a degrading spiral since the cold war, or even the Industrial Revolution. I'm amazed it took this long to become visible, really.
@@johnj.spurgin7037 It takes a while because you have to wait for the generation effected to come into power.
A interesting stat is seeing what percentage of each generation identifies as LGBTQ... It's almost 30% for Gen Z.
When they come into power Millennials turning grandparents wouldn't know what color clothes to buy their grandkids without offending everyone 😂
I mean, we literally live in one of the most prosperous, peaceful, safe times in human history where women, lgbtq, and minorities have never been stronger. If you think that's degradation, then I'm gonna heavily question your sense of priorities.
For me "venting" is a physical action rather orating my grievances. I collect all my paper bills and bank notices, and once a month burn them in the backyard along with scrap wood and cardboard. While I stare into those flames i try to will my woes into that pit to burn them along with the rest of the trash; most of the time it works, some woes are too massive for one burning. I call it rezeroing myself rather than venting. I'll stay up all night tending to the fire and just keep watch, it's probably an old caveman habit that has stuck around. I find some of the guys i know doing something similar; split wood, yard work, sharpen tools and afterwards all of them are more at ease much in the same way i see women vent through simply saying what it is that's driving upset and having someone listen to them. I think men and women are just mentaly wired differently and a vast majority of both want to help each other. Most of the attempts at helping another gets lost in translation, and this is a problem that has only gotten worse with social media. A possible solution for future generations, maybe encourage more activities that require boys and girls to work together utilizing their respective strengths to accomplish what ever their goal is from pre-K to 12th grade.
got confused for a second, but OK, good, you're just burning junk mail XD
13:07 "Have a good photo". Yeah that's pure bs, even with a good picture the first question most girls ask in a dating app is "how tall are you" and "how much you earn", no matter how good looking you are, you ain't tall enough or rich, you ain't nobody.
36:02 "How many of you would have a problem being with a girl that makes more than you?" Hardly anyone would have a problem with that on the male side, is the females who don't want to be with the so called "dusty" & "broke", if you listen to women discuss partners, most will say they want a "high earning man", someone on their level or above.
One time I lost my entire best friend group of 4 in one night in the worst way possible and I didn’t even talk about it to anyone about it for a year and I ended up dealing with that alone but when I finally made the choice to go to therapy, my woman therapist LITERALLY SAID “man up, you men are supposed to be strong and as a man, you can’t let this type of stuff get to you”
(Getting them fired was my therapy and I am now healthy and far from depressed )
For 2 examples on the venting and wanting purpose thing, I'll use myself and my best friend. My best friend is a very closed off individual, and I've lived with him and known him for about 10 years now. He never really opened up even when i could tell he was dealing with stuff just telling me he would "get through it on his own."" The only time he has ever approached me with his feelings is when his mother passed away, he came into my room and cried on my shoulder for about an hour but when i asked why he didnt talk to me earlier about his issues (he never and told me she was sick) all he told me was that "im a man, so im not suppose to be a burden or put things on others, im suppose to carry all the weight for everyone else but its hard."
For me, when i was young, i was well known in school for being the top student, but after i graduated, i didn't go to college, so i got super depressed because i felt like i was worthless. Thats is when i ended up joining the Airforce because not only did they promise me a purpose which was to "serve my fellow Americans" but it also put me with other men that also just wanted to find a purpose. After serving for 4 years i got out and thankfully now i have a personal purpose but getting told things such as "you are important to your people" and "you can save others and work hard for others" really is a powerful selling point.
Give it 10 years and wait for the female loneliness epidemic when they all hit 40 unmarried with baby daddies or unmarried.
Society will care a heck of a lot more that's for sure.
So much of the internet is just insufferable these days, everything HAS to be an absolute that can be tied to a physical characteristic, which then immediately labels everyone with that characteristic as whatever absolute negative is being spouted from whatever side. Appreciate at the least being able to still see normal, reasonable people like yourself just as baffled by these spiteful idiots
Dipper is a freaking gem for being so balanced and reasonable.
You wanna know what will help the male loneliness situation, men checking out of society so people can realize just how much they need men for their society to function let alone thrive. Too many people have gotten spoiled and they don’t want to even try to understand what it takes for men to get through each day when the have to stress over work only to come home to a woman who berates him before he can even get the door open.😂
19:48 "are these all women?" Most of them yes
Men don't care if a women "Out earns" them, women definitely do. I have had it happen to me and seen it with friends. The moment he loses his job, or is earning less all love, and attraction will disappear from the relationship and it's just a matter of time until she leaves to find something better. A few years ago my company shut down and I was out of work, it was a temporary setback yet within a week my long term partner of 6 years just changed how she saw me. It's like overnight I went from the person she loved to a worthless leech. It was shocking how quickly that changed and honestly I don't think she even cognitively realised she was doing it.
Needless to say that relationship didn't last much longer, as now I knew I could not trust this person to have my back in the future, if I ever got sick, or disabled I knew this person would not have my back. I got a job new job that paid even better less than 3 weeks later and she went back to "normal" but the damage was done and I ended it and just ghosted them from my life entirely.
Unfortunately, its more that most women dont want a man who earns less than they do
And the woman who wants a man who earns more are usually the woman that don't want to work but still want to be able to buy a bunch of useless stuff
Men aren't uncomfortable with dating rich women, it's the reverse, women often plainly state they want men who make 6 figure salaries.
Another dimension to this is that men want to show generosity to their partners and women want to see it too, and when it's something a woman already has more than enough of like money, they feel like he's not being generous enough or he can't provide enough. This dynamic is most plain to see when you ask a woman on a first date to split the bill.
I think women have this instinct is because pregnant women and new mothers are very vulnerable and dependent, so they need to know that the man is more than enough to take care of them.
36:00 It's not about the fact that men are uncomfortable that the woman earns more, it's more like men don't care, they want a caring woman not a wealthy one, obviously there is a difference in going to work and not going to work in general, but having work to begin with is good enough for most men. BUT MOST WOMEN DO CARE, They usually want a higher earning Partner.
I think it was Ben Shapiro who said something very smart about Andrew Tate, he said Tate is very good at diagnosing a problem, he's just really bad at prescribing the solution.
Even a broken clock is right twice a day
That's mildly concerning
"Are people more anxious today than a decade ago, and why is it?" Part of it is social media, aside from being designed and tuned to cause depression in users (for some reason that was best for their retention metrics), it makes it easier for people that are more successful to be heard, even if they shouldn't. Let's be honest, nobody has given a damn about Andrew Tates' work since he left boxing. Except the authorities.
Then there's media, new and old. For just about all kinds of news, the strategy is "if it bleeds it leads". Bad news quickly rises to headlines even if it just isn't true. Good news is either not reported or outright denounced if it goes against the narrative. I try to stay informed on current events but I do have to stop every now and then just to stop myself getting depressed.
For men more specifically, there's also the law. For men, the difference between a successful social interaction with a woman and the ruination of your future is based entirely on what the woman feels. It's unlikely, but when it does happen there is absolutely nothing you can do. No matter how much evidence clears you, or how much evidence of mental health problems there are for the woman, your reputation will always be ruined and that will destroy your future.
Then there's the world of work. Work has been getting worse compared to previous generations because some very bad business decisions have come home to roost. Looking at HR for instance, now a slightly inappropriate conversation with a friend can get you fired if someone overhears you, even if the person overhearing you doesn't work at your company. A lot of companies have put HR in charge of hiring, which is idiotic because HR professionals only really know HR, nothing else. Which has lead to a problem where interview success no longer correlates with job success. Which has other knock on effects, such as terrible managers and terrible procedures which cause a particular type of burn out. It's one thing to work hard all day, it's another to try and tolerate a work day that you know has been made twice as difficult as it needed to be by a manager that should have been fired years ago.
video games are a possible way for men to vent their frustrations but some women want to sanitize that too
AI bots banning people on voice chats
Warhammer comes to mind
They want to eliminate every space men have so that all we have is them.
@@Mr.Neophyte Steadily getting to the point of 'fuck it, might as well start buying guns and ammo, because you've killed all my hobbies.'
I for one would have been content to let the world burn down around me, while I had my headphones in and buried myself in hobbies. But even that's not enough for some people.
@@aregulargamer1 I'm looking into putting myself through gunsmithing with SDI
The thing I think society needs to worry about is there comes a point (and this has happened many times in history) where men get so disconnected with society that they burn it down. This is why back when, men used to get married young. Having a wife and family gave them meaning ro be part of sociery. Currently men are going through the grief stage...I have to wonder when we will see the anger stage.
35:54 I wouldn't be, but at the same time that seems to be the criteria by which most women select their partners. I would just like to add, I think if you're out earning a man, maybe don't look for someone to provide for you, get a house husband that spends his time at home fixing things instead.
House husbands arent real. It's part of an unnatural perversion of the nuclear family and a testament to how low society in the west has denigrated.
vent? to who? nobody cares
the thing about men being uncomf with their wifes outearning them isn't a money issue.. it's an attitude issue of the wifes in this situation.. that plus the chance of them just leaving because "strong independent woman" or for some other guy who makes even more than them for the sole reason of money.. becomes a LOT more likely
if we could be sure that this wouldn't be a problem.. we'd be down to be a househusband the very second they sign their contract
I don't vent, not to or on other people. Used to bottle it up and then it would flare up resulting in heavy suicidal thoughts and crying to myself when I was alone and when that happened I just found something to distract my mind. Interestingly without changing much it just doesn't happen as much anymore.
I think I just am better used to it and care less about the events in my life now that I'm an adult so things in general don't affect me as much. So as much as I would like to give anyone advice for now my experience is just "tough it up, you'll feel less worse afterwards" which is not really advice and I'm still in my 20's so I don't think I'm grounded enough.
That must be some kind of record. 6 seconds into shoe's video and already heard "well women aren't either". Gotta love the classic internet argument of why talk about mens issues when women also have problems. Like shoe says later, if you wanna talk about women, go to literally anything else, they are talked about everywhere. No on gives a shit about men unless it is to blame them, hence the reason shoe's video exists.
One reason people are more anxious today when it comes to relationships is probably due to social media. I for one am slightly paranoid that I meet someone who then later would make fun of me online, or post made up story to make my life miserable, or spread some weird rumours.
Before internet, if you were rejected or had a fallout with someone, then only those in the close circle would be aware of it, hence it wouldn’t be as bad.
I don’t know, it could be my insecurity, but having seen people getting falsely accused for SA or grooming or anything that is extremely unacceptable on social media has made me afraid of trying to get into a romantic relationship with anyone for some time now. I know that almost no women would lie about such serious topics, but knowing that there are those 0.0001% that does terrifies me.
So until I meet someone that is able to convince me out of my paranoia, I will stick to platonic friendships. At least I have a lot of free time to engage in my own hobbies as a trade off, such as gaming, reading, watching YT etc :)
41:09 having a wife (and kids) means that you are valuable to the continuation of society. Those that don’t are only valuable as workhorses (which is now not applicable, due to the women in the workplace and automation), and as meat for the grinder in war. (This isn’t my opinion or how I feel it should be, it’s just the cruel reality of the situation.)
Im pretty sure shoe is a political commentator, so politics will usually be present 😅
This one was harder to comment on. I really want to avoid political talk. Hope it was still ok what input I could share.
@@Dipperdog_RPGirl I always like watching the Dippa Dog 👍 no worries!
Its convenient to say that your 20s are for "experimention", i never got to do that. I was ignored completely. Now that ive hit my 30s now i get attention, presumably to some extent by the people that "experimented" in their 20s. My response (and i suspect many others too)? No thanks.
whenever I go looking for a relationship, I've only ever attracted the girls who act nice, but then, once they're done with me, they reveal their true colors so I'm just kind of done.and I'm just going to wait for the right girl to come to me
even though half of the woman and friends with are my type, but they only view me as a friend so pretty sure somebody put a curse on me at some point
think a part of why we are more anxious today is that we have nothing to fall back on
we dont own a house so we wont have that when sht hits the fan, homelessness or couchsurfing the only option and always just one missed rent away
and we have less real friends, few people have friends outside of online, so good luck finding a place to couchsurf
family is an empty word for most and there definitely wont be a village along with that family
not being anxious is being able to take risks and thinking you will be able to recover
if you dont think you can recover taking risks isnt daring, its just stupid
and with that constant stress, that mindset bleeds into the rest of peoples lives
Men used to have many, many avenues to vent their frustrations, either through sports, exercise, hobbies, religion, the arts, the sciences, travel, even the military, and a whole host of other things.
But now we're being constantly surveilled and critiqued and besmirched for being our authentic selves and it's just making things incredibly difficult.
Also, I still wear a watch, that way I don't have to take my phone out of my pocket and turn it on in order to check the time. I can wear my watch in the shower without it getting potentially damaged.
The sosiety is in constant cycle of crisis and smoother times. It's like trying to hold a jellyfish on your hands, constantly slipping away once you get it in some sort of balance.
In my teens I was awkward and not so attractive: lonely. In my twenties I was a lot more confident and had friends and dating no problem. In my thirties I settled down with a great woman and had a kid, than I suffered a terrible intense depression and my kid’s mother left me intensifying my depression. Now I’m 40, got past most of my depression, overweight, massively anxious, multiple physical problems, no friends. Doing anything to get better is an insane struggle and will take me many years to get genuine results to get back at a functioning desirable state. Dating is out of the question entirely and it is agonizing to realize I am condemned to loneliness for a very very long time. If I could date now the pool of women without big problems is laughably small. And it’s not gonna get any better in many years when I’ll be "ok". I am condemned to loneliness. And despite aaaall of this, damn I wouldn’t want to date today in my twenties and in my prime. Sounds exhausting and sad. You guys got it haaaard. I feel for y’all.
It's not like people don't want to vent. We either keep things bottled up because we have no venue to vent properly or the fear of venting leading to ridicule and being chastised for sharing our feelings keeps us from effectively venting. This is why many people stupidly vent on Twitter and social media and immediately regret it. The people we hope to keep close aren't even safe spaces for all of us.
When a man was asked why he never cries in public he pointed at his wife and daughter across the room and said "because they rather see me die on my white horse then fall off it".
35:53 On paper, it sounds like a sweet situation to be in. Money is just a means for someone to get more agency over their life, and if someone with more money wants to be with me, then there's no intrinsic issues with living our lives that way.
My main issue with this though is that I don't want to feel like a burden or a "dead end". Coupled with the fact that I don't want kids, meaning that being a homemaker isn't going to be an option for me, I could easily imagine her friends/family telling her "You could do so much better than him", or "why not find someone that makes more so you can quit and start a family". Men on average won't care if someone brought these concerns to them, so you either need to find someone that's willing to go against the grain (and not just saying that they are in order to be nice), or be more of a provider than they are.
Most of the time we either don't have anyone to vent to, or it's a problem to get angry and vent. So usually we just keep it in.
Every dating app I've tried had bots infesting it. Made me give up quickly.
No, we don’t vent. Because do you know what happens when we do ?
„Shut the fuck up, nobody cares. Go to your corner and *DONT YOU DARE CRY !* „
17:15 Andrew Tate had some good takes like "Healthy family" - "Fathers that protect and provide" - "Women that appreciate men for what they do"
But there has been a lot of shitty takes too like "She should do whatever you want or she is not worth anything" - "Men should be the only one working" ... and so on. I think he was really just extreme in all directions and I don't like him. In Germany we would say "Auch ein blindes Huhn findet mal ein Korn" - "Even a blind Chick will find some seeds at some point"
I can clearly remember one moment in my life when my mother confronted me after having seen a "certain" note on my desk (I was at the lowest point of my life at the time). She would end up guilt tripping me into thinking that she's had it worse off than me and that it's all because of what I watched on UA-cam, among other places. Ever since then, I have been holding onto those feelings and have never been open to anyone else in my family, not even my own dad and his side of the family, who just want the best for me, in fear that I may be seen as a failure in their eyes.
To answer several of your questions :
- Do men really don't vent ?
Yes, absolutely, we almost never vent... For the sole sake of venting that is. However, if we can have a pretext to express ourselves without being just us complaining out of the blue, we may jump on the occasion.
- Why can't we just vent then ?
Simple. Sharing our emotion is usually punished. Harshly. For instance last time I did I ended up single. No cheating or financial issue involved, just the fact me being a walking antidepressing pill for her apparently didn't made me entitled to share one concern of my own...
- Why is the men loneliness so prevalent nowadays ?
Long story short : INTERNET.
- What can we do ?
Shuning misandrists as much as misogynists would be a good start. Tanking hate for just existing is exhausting, knowing we get support would be welcomed. (it's surprizing progressists™ fail to realize that...) Unasked compliments from strangers would be extremely welcomed as well, but this one is hopeless unless doing something REALLY daring. (I once tried a twirling moustache, almost as a joke, and got complimented on it by strangers. Now I would rather shave my her than shave my moustache with no hesitation whatsoever)
I think you missed the point of this vid to be honest, it’s hard to say anything else that’s not going to show anger, but I will say this this isn’t a shock at all.
agreed
35:52 here in South Africa women tend to demand the man to provide, to give money rather than her providing, it's typical seen as a humiliation if the woman provides.
19:44 those comments (have been getting them for 10 years now) are why I am the sociopath I am today, and why I have very little sympathy of anyone besides children or the obviously critically injured.
If I am not shown sympathy in my hour of need by the very people who demand all the sympathy, then fuck them.
I've got 5 or 6 friendships I'd say are pretty close, but there's a caveat that we still don't hangout super often. Making new friends is tough. I also have a hard time making eye contact. I don't really get it. I can talk to someone just fine, but looking in their eyes feels weird. Not anxious...just...weird.
I don't think the eye contact thing is that unusual. I find sustained eye contact to be forced unless I'm really trying to drive a point home or to get an accurate read on what someone is trying to communicate.
That's ok. I either stare too much or not enough. I've been told I have a super intense gaze. lol If you want to get closer to your friends ask them if they need help with something. Or if you need help building, or anything really that can use two or more people ask if they can help you. If they do come order pizza or something so only their presence is needed. even if they don't end up helping being able to shoot the shit is great bonding. I tend to do that over D&D but I also always go out of my way to support the guys when feasible. It may start out as transactional but if you continue to give without asking anything but their time in return good men, and women, will start to reciprocate in kind. Those that always ask for more or keep a tally disengage and just keep as acquaintances. If they really start to try to take advantage, cut them they are toxic and will bring you down. Hope this helps. :)
@@cavalcojj I'll have to give it thought. I'm actually super shy when it comes to roleplaying with people I don't know too well, and I always worry that I won't actually be that helpful to someone that needs it xD. Ain't like I'm starved for friendship though. Like I say, I've got a decently sized group. We just mostly interact over discord nowadays.
Thanks though, I'll put some thought into it.
In regards to the "close male friendships" and "needing a purpose/ to be relied on" topics, I have two close friendships. Two close friends who I've known since like, the 3rd or 4th grade. I moved around a lot due some family stuff and none of the other friends I made while moving schools, states, and sometimes countries, kept in touch with me for more than week after I or they left. It felt like absolute shit, and while at the time I just kinda accepted that this was how it was going to be when everyone you know (including yourself) is a military family, it still felt terrible to lose those people and I found myself in a pretty dark place for a while.
Then one day I get a call from an unknown number, and it's one of the two friends from before, who after we caught up a bit, opened up to me about some personal stuff. And I cannot describe how happy it made me to be someone he could talk to and rely on. He is still, to this day, one of my best friends, and the only person I actually open up to about my feelings when things start boiling over, and I know that the only reason I started talking with him like this was because _he opened up to me about something major first._ *NEVER* before would I have tried talking to *ANYONE* like I talk to him now. He opened the door for something we both desperately needed in a time where neither of us felt like we had anyone else around us. *_And we were on the opposite sides of the fucking world._*
I wouldn't say I LOST any close friends, but the pandemic really killed off how often I see them. I used to hang out with friends on the weekends. Play D&D in person, board games, watching movies, having meals together, socializing. But then 2020 came and all of that stopped. I see most of them PHYSICALLY, maybe a couple times a year now. All of our interactions these days are mostly done via Discord or text messages and it was a real blow to me because I don't really do a whole lot in my personal time (which is very sad to have to admit).
As far as a partner goes. This feels awkward and sad to say, but I don't think I have the courage to change my lifestyle for another person. I used to OBSESS in college and most of my twenties about finding love. I tried and failed several times and eventually gave up trying. I've been by myself now for so long that I can't seem to see my life being any other way. I don't necessarily consider myself a BAD looking guy per say, but I barely have any personality and don't see myself as someone who is capable of enriching someone else's life and fulfilling them, emotionally.
10:15 I find the idea of "finding yourself" by sleeping around disgusting. Only date long term and don't sleep around.
Andrew tate is wrong about some things but right about others. Jordan Peterson got fame due to speaking to men, he then moved to general politics which created a vacume for men to have a role model or some one to speak to them without being shut down, made fun of, or having it thrown back in our face. There is alot I don't like about tate but there are also some points he has that can't be denied.
"How many of you guys would actually be miffed and uncomfortable being with a woman who makes more money than you."
Not me. I would love to be a house husband. I just rarely if never see a woman that would want a house husband over a dual income home. But have meet many women who admit to wanting to be a house wife.
Its really more fitting to find someone while in your 20s or even 18 to 24, as you will be young enough to live through most things, you will grow with that person, have children grow old and be grandparents in your 40s, mid 50s.
It would be. Maybe I didn't say it right but basically just wanted to say don't give up.
I disagree especially as a gay man. The male loneliness is strong there. People only want sex and to fulfill their kinks.
@@Dipperdog_RPGirl ah you did say they are still young miss dip, most older people from back then used to say that, most took it to heart, too. And when they are ready to settle down most times they might not be ready cause they started late. Children take work, work and energy you could of had in your 20s. XD
Yeah as a male i dont talk or discuss my emotions and plus women hate it when we share are feelings and emotions.
31:00 I rarely express more than the tip of my emotions. Last time I did it really depressed people. Tried therapy and didn't really warm up to the therapists and they didn't have any different solutions for me. I have high emotional elasticity apparently. Which means I can take being vented at a lot better than I need to vent back at others.
"Do we not even went?" Who should we even to? So the answer is no.
31:00 Nope, bottleing it up is better because venting gets ya called pathetic lol
I am fine with a woman earning more than so long as I could meaningfully contribute to the finances. The problem is, statistically its the women that refuse to be in a relationship where they out earn the man. This is why you have an epidemic of lonely "girl bosses" because they want a man to outperform them financially and the men want children and dont really care how much the woman earns. Meaning the men who the girl bosses want just goes for pretty 20-25 year old irrespective of their careers.
"Guy's, let me know how many friends you have now."
My number is 0. I'm in my 40's and making friends gets harder with age.
36:00 I babysat for like 6 years. Whily I don't like the messiness, I could absolutely be a stay at home parent. As long as we're good financially, takes a lot of worry away.
Lol, imagine being able to vent and have emotions. What a life that would be.
36:15 I wouldn’t personally have a problem if my gf earned more than me, however the same can’t be said most of the time on the other side. I hear so often how some women make absolute bank but then expect the man to make double that amount because that’s just how it used to be. If she makes 300,000 the guy better be breaking his back making 600-700,000
I'm 35 and I don't have any close friends. And looking back I realize I never had any. The few people I called my friends all quit talking to me after we stopped working at the same job or being involved in Boy Scouts or changed classes or graduated.
As a man myself I don't really care if the woman makes more money than me. As long as she doesn't have an ego about it and actually cares about me, so it's less likely for either of us to cheat on each other. We are meant to compliment each other, to grow, build and learn together
this is why motorcycle And wind therapy Is loved. Go feeeahst, Feel wind, Hear the Roar-the Howl- and The Angry Pissed off bee. The Asphalt is Waiting, The bugs need squishing, Rubber side down Bikers.
If I didnt have my best friend who lives close to me, I would probably not vent all that much because I know how men who do so may be seen as useless and bitches by others and therefore shunned for it.
As a guy whos turning 20 i can talk for 60% of all guys my age woman aren't worth time or shit ima keep it a buck we need is the homies 😂 and we happy
So, I've heard the "Why does this have to involve politics?" line every time I've seen someone react to this video, and I feel like, at this point, it does kind of need to be explained. I'll try my best here, but just be aware: at no point do I mean to be pushy or condescending; I want to explain.
That said, this is a political issue and the reason that viewing this through a political lens is important because, at the end of the day, politics affects every aspect of life. Starting with a reasonably simple example, imagine for a moment that a tax bill is up for consideration in Congress. It proposes a 13% overall increase in income tax, as well as provisioning for how the subsequent increase in revenue is to be distributed across various government programs. At first glance, the obvious answer is that you don't want that bill to pass because you don't want to pay that much in taxes. However, imagine for a moment that Congress is majority Republican; they may lower the tax increase, making it seem more palatable, but cut out any provisions made within the bill to improve infrastructure, which is a serious issue in this country and has reached the point where, if nothing is done, people's lives and livelihoods will be at risk. The Republican cCongressmay also redistribute some other funds provisioned for, say, education towards the military, which is already taking up a majority of our spending and suffering from a massive amount of diminishing returns. In this situation, you aren't paying as much in tax, but you're not benefiting as much from the money you *are* paying either.
By contrast, a majority Democratic congress may increase the tax to provide more money for infrastructure, education, and public works projects, which have been shown to significantly benefit local and state economies. In that case, you're paying more but making a greater personal return on that investment.
Obviously, this is not a representative example; things like this don't usually play out as straightforward as this in real life, and solid majorities across the House and Senate almost never happen. However, it hopefully should help to extrapolate out the importance of politics in everyday issues like this; even if they aren't obvious at first glance, the minutiae matter and have a real effect on people's lives, from how much of your income you keep, to (and this is becoming a more and more important issue by the day) what kinds of people are even allowed to live in your country, it's all controlled by politics.
Sorry if none of that makes sense, I'm typing this on three hours of sleep and two bang energys.
Rereading this, I'm not sure I really got the point across. I might try to clarify later. I need sleep.
Side note: Andrew Tate gets the play he does because we've reached a point where a significant portion of men are so desperate for answers, any answers, to why they hate themselves and the people around them or why they feel so lost and uncared for, that they're willing to accept blatant lies because at least then they have something to act on, rather than feeling helpless.
I will say, the Hunter Avallone tweet operates on a flanderized ideal of what Stoicism means, but that's a whole essay on its own, and not one I feel fully qualified to write.
Not to take from Shoe's points regarding the impact of social media, but... honestly, if you really take a second to examine the progress of American society post WW2, these problems have been building up slowly for almost a century now. It just happens that they've come to a head at the same time as these technologies have developed, which simultaneously compound and alleviate the problem in different ways.
The correlation with relative earning isn't that men would be uncomfortable with that (some would, but like, I've literally always dreamed of being a house husband) But that traditional standards for women to pick their partners require the man to be earning more, and a lot of women either can't or haven't worked past that yet.
The reason why I gave up on dating was because when I tried dating in highschool all that happened was that I ended up with 5 girls who where friends apparently in a shitty ass game if "who can make the good Christian boy have sex with them and get pregnant"
So I gave up on trying to find a girl and just leaving it to Jesus.
It also doesn't help that social media doesn't help with partner scanning ether because all we (men) find are crazy ones who only want you for money. Or B are just baby mommas with several kids from multiple men.
My best friends that are women were people I met through hobbies and there just friends not really interested in making any of them a significant other.
So I checked out.
Hell I'm not even sure I'm good enough because when I was at church one time a girl was actually interested in me but because I was in a depressed tired state at the time I completely missed the signs she wanted to be interested in me and I felt like a total POS because I saw my family leaving the room wanting me to interact with that girl but I couldn't see the silent message.
So yea....that's my thoughts on it...I'm just leaving it to Jesus at this point in my life.
Loved the video. While I'm not really too interested in anime type games (which is why I don't attend streams), I love your reaction vids to things like this. I watch a lot of vtubers reacting to Shoe's content and you're either my favorite or second favorite. I enjoy your input on things. Also, you have a very nice voice and an absolutely adorable (and unique) model.
Male loneliness shouldn't be a political issue, but it's unfortunate been turned into one. I wish all issues like male or female loneliness was addressed as an issue by the whole country instead of groups with people arguing over whether or not it's a good thing. I think judging from the way the view of male issues has been evolving over time, it's going to be taken more seriously within the next decade and people will come together on fixing it.
Shoe did a follow-up video to this one where she responded to the responses and backlash she received for this video. Very much worth a watch. Also, the things you saw happening on Twitch (specifically the borderline clothesless women) is addressed in another one of her videos named "twitch th0tz" or something. I forget what.
Don't worry. Most of the rest of her content (with the exception of Hellworld) isn't political.
Awe you made my day with your comment. Thank you! ❤️
@@Dipperdog_RPGirl Glad to hear. Didn't expect a response. I'll try to stop by your next stream to hang out for a little bit at least!
RE: What will help solve the crisis?
I can't speak for women but for men I think a big part of the solution would be that we need more sane, calm and rational women speaking up, being role models and making their desired lives normal again (Stay at home moms, wives, life partners, home-makers etc...). We need women who have men in their lives that they love to get out there supporting and talking about men and helping to set the tone of realistic expectations in relationships. Right now only the loud screaming harpies that hate men are really heard and boosted. It's a really weird phenomenon where people listen to women that yell about how awful all men are but you wouldn't give the same credence to a racist screaming about how all of X type of people are bad.
Smart to keep away from politics, it brings only ruin. Thanks for the video and have a nice day.
For men - or, at least, men like me - emotions are contents under pressure. With modern stereotyping of the ideal man being a stoic badass like the Terminator, we're actively discouraged from sharing anything about ourselves. And when the pressure gets too high, bad things can happen. In a best case scenario, there's maybe an emotional breakdown or job burnout. In a worst case scenario, violence or extremely self-destructive behavior that I cannot say on UA-cam ensues.
Therapy in the West favors the psychology of women - but what works for women doesn't typically work for men. The upshot is that women in the West have a proverbial pressure release valve - men don't, but nobody seems to care.
Also, unpopular opinion: There is no such thing as "toxic masculinity". There is masculinity that manifests itself in either toxic or healthy ways.
Honestly I don’t agree with everything Andrew Tate says and does, he is an opportunist. Some of what he says though is pretty true. Men aren’t loved really for anything other than what they provide, aside from that society doesn’t pay them any mind. Example of the lack of compassion for men: media not bringing up the high offing themselves rate of men.
Edit: it’s not about the money, it’s about the power. There’s so many horror stories of the man being the housewife and the woman looking down on him, treating him like ish, and in some cases cheating on him bc “he’s not a real man bc a real man would be working while you are at home”. It’s a lose lose, you work and the word messes you up, stay at home and be a stay at home dad or husband and your partner looks at you like your weak.
Make it make sense
The reason us guys generally don't want our girl/wife to earn more then us is cause it increases the likelihood that you'll get cheated on and divorced because they say your not good enough for me
I don't support Andy Taterhead, but I understand what's going with him.
Imagine having a broken arm, and it's abundantly obvious to you that you have a broken arm, but everyone else doesn't see it at all. Including regular doctors that tell you you're fine and people often say in subtle terms to shut up about your broken arm. But here's comes a snake oil salesman that actually listens to your concerns and agrees with you that you have a broken arm, and he gives you a treatment that has worked for him before, which may not be a lie based on how he talks about it, and is frequently seen using his own medicine. But this snake oil is a placebo at best or a poison at worst, but it's still your only option because nobody else believes you have a broken arm.
The basic answer, No, you didn't fail. To actually fail, you'd actually have to try.
I have, technically, 4 close friends. We have been friends since high school. However, we have kinda been distant as of late.