‘I saw you as my mum not my big sister & I HATED YOU for it’: Healing Our Wounds ft. Mary-Jo Boateng
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- Опубліковано 2 лип 2024
- In today's episode, Courtney has a heart-to-heart conversation with her younger sister Mary-Jo. They both share their unique perspectives and challenges when it came to healing their dysfunctional relationship as sisters as a result of the damaging effects of ‘Eldest Daughter Syndrome’.
They transparently discuss trauma, mental health struggles, the cause of their sibling rivalry, and how they were forced to build sisterhood and friendship from scratch after a traumatic incident.
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TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 Being The Younger Sister & Coming out of Courtney's Shadow
16:19 Comparison, Rivalry & Resentment
27:35 Our Fatal Breaking Point
50:39 Healing, Bonding & Loving
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Siblings, could grow up in the same home, but experience very different households. As someone with siblings I can’t have open conversations about this with, it’s nice to see this. Parents aren’t always careful about the comparison game and how it affects kids, aren’t transparent about favouritism (which is real, and there are healthy ways of dealing with this)
Firstly, the Boatengs? Clearly have BEAUTIFUL genes! The beauty of our hosts today is high, I see the resemblance too!
Now back to actually listening!
Court's sister is so pretty ❤❤❤❤
Mary Jo looks just like Courtney ❤️
Both of them are tbh!!
W- Watch the episode 🙃. They are both very pretty!
The vulnerability from both of you here really is testament to how much you care about being REAL with us. I'm sure it's not easy to be this transparent about your personal life on big big youtube, but I know it's going to help many people - so thank you!!! :)
I have cried through this episode because I am the eldest sibling and I love my family but resent them. I am still on the level where it's heard to show I love them because I also struggle to receive the love. I feel like my parents were so tough and harsh with me and they are so calm and nice to my siblings. Now I am angry and jealous of them because they don't get it like me. So I have always take it upon myself to be the harsh one and I don't like it. I pray for healing and maturity over all this elder daughter syndrome.
Thank you ❤for sharing this. 🙏
The way I can feel God in your story and the way He fostered reconciliation and healing in your relationship is so beautiful.
This conversation is one of the most beautiful things I have come across on the internet. Vulnerable, raw and just beautiful 😍
This was such a healing episode, I appreciate the transparency from both of you. Please add a trigger warning to the start of the video.
Wow! I’m not a cryer but here I am crying like a baby😭 thank you both for your vulnerability and transparency. I can relate to your story so much and I know that this is the push I needed to have a serious conversation with my sister. 💕
Wow Eve literally the same. I’m here crying as I type this comment!
I think this is my favourite TMS episode. I appreciate you both sharing your mental health struggles- i related so much. Especially when mental health is brought on from difficulties in our parents relationships, It’s hard to have front row seats to that
Courtney our stories are too similar for it to be a coincidence. I am also the eldest daughter of west African immigrants. I was also the child most harshly criticized, the child painted as difficult, and the child that was forced to grow up too fast. I was not nearly as devoted a mother as you but I was responsible for my younger siblings, responsible for doing my schoolwork, helping my mom with her college homework and helping to look after our home while both of my parents worked. I held deep resentments against my younger siblings and I focused on my education to the point where I went to an Ivy League school out of state to “escape”. I was a deeply sad and angry child until I became a Christian at 14. There is a word for the abuse that people like us went through. It’s called parentification. It. Is. Abuse. Our parents may never admit to it and our culture may never agree but there is a reason why we were so angry and depressed. There is a reason that we were suicidal at such a young age. There is a reason why our relationships with our siblings were so fractured. It’s not a personality trait. It is the result of abuse. Why else would I have the same story as you even though I grew up on the other side of the world. Being forced to grow up that fast is abuse. Period.
I could tell you so much more that lines up between your story and mine. Even down to the breakdown of my parents marriage and being put in the middle. Even now, I find it so hard to sympathize with Mary and my younger siblings. I still love my parents, they are not bad people but this way of raising oldest female children is abusive. It pushes us to succeed but leaves us feeling like we have to strive forever because even our parents expected us to perform in order to be loved. No child should be suicidal. It’s not normal.
You might have an idea... but you will never know impactful this episode has been for me... and I'm sure for so many more people ❤ thank you
I feel like this is the mirror reflection of my relationship with my family and my younger sister. I felt that "tenderness towards Mary that I don't get", I felt that deeply. I haven't repaired this relationship, I honestly feel like for us its to far gone as we're in our 30s now. Great episode though, very relevant.
It’s me coming all the way from Spotify to see how Mary looks🙈 wow both of you Beautiful as ever😍☺️
Oh my goodness. I don't have the words to describe how this impacted me and the conversation I feel is needed in every sibling relationship, especially African ones. This is such a blessing and I pray many will be blessed by this as much as your relationship has been. Thank you so so so much ❤❤
This was so real and touching. I always wanted a sister because I only have one older brother who I’m not close with or had a good relationship with growing up. I think having a sister is a such a blessing. The way you two overcame so much together and choose the love u have for each other above all else is so inspirational. I think the beautiful relationship you two have today is the reward ❤
This is the first TMS episode that made me cry throughout. Having 5 sisters I can relate too much for my own good😢 Down to the suicide attempt and comparison
This was such an amazing interview. My brother is the oldest and I didn’t know he was dealing with so much pressure which gave me even more empathy for him. You oldest siblings are doing great and deserve your freedom and your best. We love you. Amazing interview Courtney and Mary 🩷
This is, by far, one of THEE BEST podcast episodes I've watched!😭🤞🏾 I absolutely LOVE how vulnerable & open the both of you were!❤️ Also, this was very relatable since I too have a sister and I felt a sense of liberty as well as gratitude after watching this.🥺 May God abundantly bless your sisterhood/friendship!🤗
Having a sister is such a great gift that I'm thankful for. I have two sisters who are my best friends and I can't imagine life without them. Lot's of love two you two lovely sisters ❤
I'm 38 and my sister passed away when I was 16 and she was 22. Now that I'm older I wish I had a relationship with her. I love how you ok with having these kind of discussions with your siblings and you don't feel bad about it. Love this.
Ooof, this was a good conversation. It's giving super strength the way ya'll were able to tell ya'll story and not cry. When Courtney said "I hated ya'll" I felt that. I am 24 and moved back home after grad and I'm kind of where Courtney when she left for school in 2015. It is so hard being back as an adult in the place and with the people who hurt you. I can't wait to be on my own and "abandon" them but I know that isn't the right way to feel...but it's how I feel. I don't know a lot of friends who have this expereince in my life so it was nice hearing Courtney's story and knowing I am not alone.
Sigh, literally. I look forward to having my own place because I really look forward to being alone for a while without the external opinions and voices.
Omggg I love that you brought her on this conversation is so open and honest
Wow you’re both so beautiful and this was an amazing conversation!
I cried so much watching this. I didn’t even realize that other people had/have a similar experience to mine. I have the same dynamic with my cousin, who’s mother raised me….so I guess we are sisters. I had to see things from her perspective (older sister) and I feel so much sympathy for her. And understanding ❤ I don’t know if I will ever have this conversation with her but I understand a few things now
wow right on time! Had someone literally ask me in church if my little brother was my son. I clearly wouldn't have a teenage son, but the dynamics of our relationship made them think that. Never asked my brother how it made him feel that I helped raise him
This was a beautiful conversation between sisters who are friends 💛
Wow so deep. I haven't even finished listening to the whole thing. So inspiring and vulnerable. Its going to heal and help so many siblings and people. Beautifully done ladies. So beautiful.❤❤
this made me so emotional like a proud mum. God bless you both. sooooo pretty too
Loved this, thank you for sharing 🤍
This is beautiful 💕 thank you for sharing ❤️
This was a well needed episode.
This was such a lovely episode. Thank you for sharing ❤
Such a beautiful video. I’ve never wanted to buy your book more !!
Thank you for sharing life with us. 💛
This was such a beautiful episode. ❤
“TO MY SISTERS”!!! Im crying…. Absolutely amazing episode🥹❤❤❤❤ I LOVE this podcast
This episode was beautiful on so many levels. You not only tell us but also show us that the hard work is to be done in real life and that beyond our digital sisterhood, our actual, in real life sisters need us and need the best & healed version of us. Thank you for leading by example ❤
Wow… This was so powerful. Thank you so much for sharing ❤️
This was a very beautiful conversation!
Loved this installment ❤. One of the very best.
I really needed to hear this and it gives me hope💛🧡💛
Thoroughly enjoyed this episode ☺❤
Absolutely beautiful episode. 🫶🏾
This was beautiful to watch. Love you guys ❤
What an episode! God bless you both🥹
It's incredibly admirable that you shared this, thank you ❤
Amazing episode - really cried through out ❤❤
This was amazing ! Both of you are just so beautiful inside and out 🥰🤍
I cannot yet put into words how much this episode did a good thing.
I cannot imagine how much it took to get to the point where you both could sit and talk like this for the whole wild web to see?! By thank you, truly. So often, we don’t hear both sides of stories like this. This episode, to be very honest, above all else, confirmed to me that this Sisterhood is not here for games. What?! This is no ordinary community you are building. Thank you for showing g that real work it takes to grow and glow. I’m slightly terrified typing this, as I realise I have a bit to go with my siblings and I (eldest and only girl of 3 siblings with 4 four more on one side)
But thank you, honestly I do not take it lightly that you did this. Family is sacred. #ToMySistersToTheWORLD!!!!!!! This also beckoned me to getsrtard and finish my TMS book ASAP😭
I wish I could articulate what this episode means to me. I am a younger sister very similar to Courtney. This episode provided perspective, comfort, hope, etc. Thank you guys for sharing this, and thank you for letting God use your stories for his glory!
I shed a tear watching this. Thank you both for sharing and being so vulnerable. This was such a beautiful episode to watch/listen to. Very healing ❤
Loved this episode so much 🥺❤️
This is the best thing I’ve ever watched on UA-cam. Thank you ladies!
This is a very profound episode. Love what y’all are doing. Thanks for this! ❤
👑👑 This was So beautiful. So healing. So relatable. God bless you both ❤️❤️
This was so good you guys, thank you for your vulnerability and sharing your journey with us ❤️😭
This made me so emotional as an older sister thank you for this conversation ❤
This conversation was so amazing, thank you for sharing Boateng sisters
Wow.... This episode brings me to a point of reflecting on the state of my relationship with my family. ❤❤❤Love love this episode.....
Both beautiful ladies, love the open and raw conversation ❤️
Wow. This is compelling & convicting. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably. ♥️♥️♥️♥️
This was sooo powerful. What a beautiful episode ❤. Thank you both for your openness.
I had to let go of the mothering too and feel so
Much better because it was affecting my mental health big time. Being the oldest comes with a lot. Thank you for sharing your stories with us ❤
Brought me to tears, thank you so much for sharing your relationship. This is going to help so many young women ❤
Amazing episode!!
This was such a beautiful conversation between you too. I love how real you both are about your stories. Thank your transparency. You both inspire me
Aw this is amazing, deffo relate to Mary as the younger sibling
Wow, this was so beautiful. Thank you for exhibiting vulnerability and transparency in such a healthy way 🥲
I am enjoyed this episode so much, you are both beautiful. I loved the vulnerability
Wow,just wow Courtney!!thank you so much to you and your sister for visiting such a tough place in your lives...I truly needed to hear this
Half an hour in and I’m loving this episode♥️ love the vulnerability and honesty
This was absolutely beautiful. I don’t even have a sister but the message still resonates. Thank you for sharing.
Wow. I loved this episode. This resonates so much with the dynamic between my sister & I. I hope we get to a better place but thank you for your honesty as always ❤️
This was such a beautiful, vulnerable, authentic episode. So happy God restored your sisterhood ❤
this is so important ♥️♥️
This so pure. Love the honesty and transparency from both of you. Definitely one of my favorite episodes
Thank you and may God bless you and your relationship is all I can say, because I’m speechless.
I loved hearing this and I needed to hear this. And it’s definitely reflection of my relationship with my brother. The relationship needs work and I often times do know where to start but after watching this I know the will be hard work ahead but it can be done.
Thank you ladies for sharing ❤
My goodness, y'all look so good. You're literally glowing
Thank you so much for this vulnerable episode❤. I really enjoyed the transparency and sensitivity in this episode. The way you both articulate your feelings is so beautiful.
Raw, relatable and honest conversation! And that’s why we’re sisters. Love you girls 🫂
This was honestly such a beautiful episode ladies 🫶🏾! It touched my heart. I appreciate the courage you both have in living to tell your story. Thank you for sharing it with us 💓
WOW!!! such an honest conversation and you ladies are breathtakingly beautiful😍😍
Thank you for sharing your story and being open and vulnerable. Such a blessing and was super encouraged. May God continue to bless your sisterhood and generation to come ❤❤❤❤
Really enjoyed this episode.
This was sooo powerful Court! 🥹🥹🥹 Mary-Jo, your perspective was so refreshing. I also love how you both are able to give language to your feelings during your journeys to healing ❤️🩹. Sims xx
Thank you for being vulnerable and safe around us to share your story, it has touched my heart ❤❤❤ I’ve been crying ohh I’ve being crying. Both you ladies are beautiful and very strong. May God bless you 🎉🎉🎉.
I love Courtney and Mary they are so sweet and it's so beautiful that you both took accountability and were able to allow yourselves to grow and learn from your experience. I pray my sisters and myself one day will be able to heal and grow from our own experiences and accept our roles in our family.
This was so beautiful to watch and I honestly want to reach this level of vulnerability and transparency with my siblings but it’s so difficult cause we didn’t grow up in an emotional household
This podcast has me in my feelings. Could relate with Courtney as a first born daughter. Man this podcast hit home. Thank you for sharing your story ❤️
This was beautiful to watch🥹🥰
Great conversation❤❤❤
Thank you for this episode. It was so relatable and very healing for me, as I pray my sister and I will have a closer relationship. I love her to the moon and back ❤️! Thank you all & God bless😁🥰 !
Love this!
Wow! I honestly never coment on video's but this was so good! I can so relate to this!
I really respect and appreciate your vulnerability . I really enjoyed watching this episode , my sister and I have a similar dynamic and history so watching this was so soothing. I felt really seen and heard watching you both talk about your relationship ❤️ sisters are friends for life sent from God
This is amazing sisters 🤎🤎🤎😊🤗❤️much love from Kenya 🇰🇪
I loved this episode and it definitely made me cry. I have younger brothers, and the love I feel for them is sometimes overwhelming, especially since I'm finally beginning to acknowledge and connect with that love. I feel like I kind of resented them a bit growing up because I was frequently called mean and selfish by my parents and made to feel like an asshole for wanting to have boundaries. I dont really blame my brothers for that, but it definitely affects how i interact with people in my life. As one of my friends said, I get very "territorial" over my things and my space lol.
Beautiful podcast. Wow ❤
This conversation has been so enlightening and helpful. So many things resonated with what I've gone through (and still am at times) and what stood out to me the most is how, as the eldest daughter, I need to stop thinking of my younger siblings as my children and rather pursue a friendship with them. I want us to be open to each other and not just feel the necessity to bear with each other simply because we've grown up together. Thank you Mary-Jo and Courtney.