My father in law was a pastor when he passed, and so we already had a venue and staff willing to work for their regular salary in his church, and yet still the funeral was insanely expensive
The worst is that, like weddings, there are religious and social pressures to conform to various rituals and customs that are exceptionally expensive - unless you are one of those ultimate frugal brides that buys almost everything second hand and then resells everything you can to bring your cost down (something that is not doable for funerals).
capitalism doesn't give a fuck... im a staunch capitalist - my wedding = none, just sing papers in the court house. you know you don't have to give in to some dumb ads and how everyone perceives a wedding should be? you are weak, capitalism has nothing to do with it
@@DanteTheSimpSlayer Capitalism wants people to consume as many products and services as they can. So you're actually wrong. Capitalism does indeed want you to spend/consume as much as is humanly possible on your wedding day.
@@DanteTheSimpSlayer ive been trying to convince myself for 10 minutes now that youre probably 14, not just kinda stupid, really wrong, and completely incoherent
@@DanteTheSimpSlayer "capitalism doesn't give a fuck" "you know you don't have to give in to some dumb ads and how everyone perceives a wedding should be?" Wow. Way to contradict yourself. :/ You :Capitalism doesn't give a fuck how much you spend on your wedding. Also you: ignore Capitalism trying to get you to spend more money on your wedding.
This is why I’ve never married my partner. Neither of us had any money, our parents have none either, and we decided to get indebted for a degree that would allow us to escape low wage jobs. So now we owe dozens of thousands of dollars, make slightly more than minimum wage, and I’m considering marrying him (just legally, no ceremony) so I can get on his health insurance. Ah, romance under neoliberal capitalism.
My parents got married for a mortgage, because it was apparently easier to get one when you were married (in the 90s) than it was as a cohabiting couple. The very height of romance!
That's how we should think about it. Centuries ago marriage was a way to pass down inheritances and keep wealth, but then we got brainwashed into letting marriage be the end all be all of romantic love. Kinda how we've come to put so much emphasis on having a fulfilling job. A job is you selling your time and effort to make money. If you can do something you love great, but not everyone ties their self-worth to the job they have.
@@crazy4beatles wish I could 'love' your comment. Everyone asked to go try on dresses & I don't really plan on having it. We have no rings either, dont plan on having kids for another few years & plan to prove that you don't need to go all traditional
@@crazy4beatles I worry about finding a "fulfilling job" in the future, I see so many miserable slaves & they claim that it's okay because it pays the bills. How did we get here??
Salari's best man here. His voice didn't break THAT badly when he sang at his wedding. I sold bootlegs of it outside the venue after the ceremony and made a killing
I got engaged in November and trying to plan this wedding and seeing how much $$$ I’ll be hemorrhaging... I am also considering eloping and spending the money on a bombas honeymoon too....
mad props to my parents for getting married in a basement in texas and going to dairy queen for ice cream as their reception. 30 years and still going strong.
@@kathleengivant-taylor2277 A lot easier when not marrying someone with their own traditional practices like Nigirians (my partner) or Indians. You gotta do some extra stuff before you even get to the courthouse lol. If it were only up to me, then it's courthouse all day while I let other couples pay my bills with wedding photography. But my partner couldn't even be considered married in the eyes of their family unless certain traditions were done. It would be seen as a bad omen to skip it.
My brother and my sister in law got married at the Justice of the Peace in sweaters and jeans and 16 years and three kids later they still have a strong marriage. It is about the marriage and not the wedding.
Of course it’s about the marriage but its a day to celebrate that beginning. I think everyone should have a form of celebration 🍾.No matter how small-big you envision it. You can go to a court house or go all out. There is no right answer. 💕
Yessss. I have a 10x10mm garnet with a peekaboo moissanite on one side amd a dumbbell and anchor on the other, I'm in the navy amd we met cuz we both body build. Prolly still slightly expensive for some people at 1700$ but its a completely custom peice I had designed and I helped design my husbands ring too. both rings under 3000$ I'd say is a pretty good deal for custom work that's still good quality. You could always change the type of metal too if you want something even less expensive than solid rose gold or platinum for example. So many financially saavy ways to get a beautiful wedding ring, if it's a must to have one, that won't break the bank.
I so feel that. I didn't even get to wear my prom dress and it's GORGEOUS - if it still fits whenever the time is right, I might just do that and get some use out of it haha
I knew about lying about whether your event was a wedding, but today was the first time I considered not even having rings. Like why do any of our traditions matter? A wedding could literally just be a medium size party at someone's house that happens to have an officiant. You can wear literally anything you want and rings are not legally binding.
Our traditions provides us a sense of belonging, a shared view of principles in a community were can give and receive support. They help us to feel nourished of ethic and moral values wich will be part of our being, our identity. Traditions are a gift to our existence because it help us to feel grounded, as part of a space where our beings gain strenght in our community. They help us to create a foundation for our lives and for the future generations. A marriage ceremony it is not only a party, it is something bigger. It is a tradition simbolising our love for another human being and the beginning of a new family. And people can adapt some details to their personal taste... to make it unique.
@@getthekool1758 A wedding is actually just a useless ceremony that doesn't necessarily *do* anything. Nothing is gained by spending tons of money to stand in a room and say some magic words. Just sign a paper and get off your high horse 😂
And I don't understand why you need two rings, the engagement and the wedding one. I don't even know if that's a thing in my culture. My parents aren't married, they are only engaged so I've only seen them with one ring. My grandparents are married but I only see one ring each, but I don't know if engagements rings were a thing back then and those were poor times any way. Off to google some information ->
@@getthekool1758 Which makes it sting a lot more to hear that people did their wedding a certain way because "that's just how it's done" rather than out of genuine desire or feeling connected to that culture. If something like a ring doesn't make you or your partner feel anything, then neither should be obligated to get one. The sheer pressure to adhere to (honestly very recently developed) norms and expectations I think is what makes weddings so stressful.
I didnt really want a wedding but my family is very traditional and basically nagged me till I gave in. Had it planned for May 2020 (oof) but we got the news that my grandmothers cancer had come back worse, so decided to have it in June 2019. 2 months after the news. Spent 3K on the whole shebang with nearly 100 guests. My dress was 200, same as the tux, and coincidentally the same price as the rings. It was an outdoor wedding and we bought our own wedding tents online for $800, rather than go for the $4000 (🤮) price for rented ones, plus we sold the tents after. I was able to find a local farmer who sold me tons of meat for a really good price so we had pulled pork sandwiches and a million delicious potluck sides for dinner. I am a chef so I was able to make my own cake as well, dark chocolate and hazelnut. It was a beautiful, hectic and very fun wedding and I am glad I got to do it before my grandma passed. She passed away just weeks before my original wedding was planned.
3k for the whole thing is very inexpensive though. Well done. I went to one that cost 40k in 2018. But I am african, and when we have money showing off and showing out is definitely a big thing.
I'm invited to a cousins wedding later this year... and they are paying MORE THAN 100,000 DOLLARS for this wedding. I love them, but it feels like such a disgustingly wasteful practice of glutinous capitalism. You could buy a good portion of A HOUSE with that amount! Millions of people Would use that money for food and water, but instead its being used for a weekend party . :/
Are they rich, or going into debt for that? I eloped, could not see spending money on one day. But if people are wealthy, and have the money, I try not to judge.
THANK YOU stranger on the internet for telling me I don't need to overspend to prove anything and to be frugal! I really needed that kind of affirmation. Even though I'm not close to getting married the whole 'wedding industrial complex' gives my such a weird, lonely brand of anxiety, especially because big, showy weddings have become so essential in Indian cultures. My parents are well-to-do but when they talk of setting aside money for my wedding or the amount that they'd spend it gives me a near cardiac arrest. And my friends don't seem to have those concerns either? A bunch of them are getting married in the near future and it's all extravagance that goes on for days. Makes me wonder if my parents will be disappointed or if my peers will be a bit judgmental if all I want to do is register my marriage in some nice clothes that don't cost a bomb. And makes me unnecessarily worried that a potential partner too may find me too cynical or sad for not wanting an engagement ring or any of the pre-wedding photo shoots stuff. Bleh. but thanks again for assuaging
Pakistani here. It is insane how much we are affected by "log kia kahengay". I wish there were more people like you. I thought COVID wedding (simple weddings, few guests) phenomenon will last longer but i already see people going back to the old ways.
Add to this the whole *bachpan se teri kanya daan ka sapna dekha hai*. It makes me feel so guilty. I'd rather have my parents spend their savings on a trip to someplace nice then spend it on my wedding. Marriages are important. Weddings not so much.
I wouldn’t worry so much about not being able to find a partner that thinks the same way as you. You’ll probably talk about wedding expectations before being engaged. But it is certainly a hassle to have family and friends that just don’t understand. My fiancé proposed with a ring made from aluminum wiring recycled from a stop-motion animation we did together. When I got engaged I called one of my aunts and she asked me what the ring was like. I told her and she said “maybe he’ll be able to save up and get you a real one eventually.” I told her the one I had was perfect and she didn’t seem to get it. But at the end of the day, they should be happy for you and not worried about any of that. I wish I could send this video and other criticism of the wedding industry to family members whenever they get uppity about something.
You don’t have to do all the ‘traditional’ wedding stuff to have a great wedding or great marriage. My wedding is planned for post covid, and will be about £2500 (not including dress or rings), but includes food, some booze, both venues, miscellaneous expenses, and a photographer.
To be fair to vendors who charge way more for weddings, in a sense they're also victims of the hype. Wedding vendors deal with a lot of extra demands and drama. No one cares what color the napkins are at a corporate event or a birthday party. But for weddings, you have brides screaming at rental companies because the tablecloths are white and not eggshell. Bakeries create passwords with couples so an angry mother-in-law can't call in and sabotage the cake. You have to work much harder to make sure that everything is "perfect". Until we as a society all chill out about weddings, I think they should absolutely come with higher fees.
This this this! I sometime feel bad charging more for a great easy couple who didn’t have family drama. But you never know when a couple going to be a familyzilla or easy going on it looks good were good.
I’m a bridal makeup artist and the amount of questions/emails/changes/comments I have to deal with during the months prior to the wedding justify the higher cost of the makeup.
Maybe have some sort of contract with the clients that includes mark ups for extra changes and interference? I don’t know, this still seems like taking advantage of people. First- Someone here mentioned- not every couple is like that. To flatly increase price assuming the worst- it just doesn’t sit right. Secondly- it also feeds into that whole hype and becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. It contributes to the financial stress of a couple that’s just starting out- which likely leads to them being stressed out clients for you. Especially if everyone else is overcharging them by assuming they’ll be stressed and therefore unpleasant to deal with.
My partner and I got married at a little local church, with just our parents and the priest there (which didn't cost us anything), and had a family potluck to celebrate afterwards at his parents house. No wedding dress, no ceremony, no cake, not even an engagement ring. We just decided one day "hey, let's do it! it's gonna happen eventually anyways, why not next month?" In August, we'll celebrate 5 years as a married couple. It's all about love for us, not a grand ceremony. Happy to see there's other great examples of this in other comments on this video!
It's supposedly because diamonds are harder to cut and work with because part of what you are paying for is the craftsmanship that went into the jewel. But that is not to say it's not overly inflated even if you look at it from that angle. We use diamonds for drill tips for crying out loud. They aren't expensive, and they're not that hard to shape and work with with modern technology like the were in ye olden times. But it's slowly morphed into this social expectation that you'll spend a crspton of money just for the sake of proving your love and investing yourself into the other person. Not because people exactly want to do that, but because there is the sense that we are expected to.
My partner and I are currently planning a wedding and it's wild how many people we need to be in touch with and how much planning is involved. We both just wanted something chill and low-key, but everyone in the family has something to say and something they are expecting. I love and care about these people, so I find myself doing a lot of things for THEM, not for us. It sucks.
This is why I’m not doing it. They’re not even worth it to do it for. My gma is still mad at my cousin who got married 10 years ago for not doing something my gma wanted
This probably sounds super cynical and maybe a bit bad, but if I ever get married my folks won't even know until the week or so before it's happening, if there will actually be a ceremony. If there won't be a ceremony and I commit to that decision with my significant other, they'll know -after- it's done and over with. It's a "sorry not sorry it's my life not yours" thing. I fully expect some members of my family to be insistent on doing unnecessary stuff and that is precicely why in anticipation of that I'll dodge that bullet by not telling anyone and putting myself in that situation. Realistically no one is harmed or would care anyway xD let's just move on with our lives. But then again this is exactly what you'd expect from an introvert fed up with family that treat them like an extrovert and expect them to be one.
@@occultninja4 That doesn't sound cynical. Instead it sounds healthy. You have boundaries and will do what you can to respect and enfoce them. If anyone has a problem with your reasonable boundaries then I would seriously reconsider their importance for your life because it's a big red flag to disrespect your boundaries. You should feel comfortable and good about your life. Always. And especially on your wedding day. Therefore it's not at all cynical to make sure that you are happy
My husband proposed with a hamburger because I didn’t want an engagement ring. Then we got married at the courthouse. So happy we didn’t do things traditionally, after five years I’ve never once regretted our decisions
“Idk why engagement photos becoming a thing but it need to stop” agree! Nowadays people make photo sessions for everything. When they engage, when they got pregnant and show their bump, when the baby just born and looks like potato. Everything become photo session which is very unnecessary
Everything about this comment needs to be shouted from the rooftops, now that I'm 24 years old, I can't go on social media without seeing this nonsense and I know it's only going to get worse in the next 10 years. I hate it here.
Yep and those photographers a lined up with their hand out. The photographer for our wedding quoted me 300$ for an hour long session for bridal portraits that had to be paid in advance. Like no. I have a camera and someone to take my pic. You'll probably only get 6 photos back too.
I love big princess weddings as much as any other girly girl, but my darling and I are eloping to Chicago (after covid, obviously), and we couldn't be happier. I still get to have the dress, photos, champagne, cake, and most importantly the love of my life, but without making the day such a stupidly expensive and dramatic endeavour. Breaking down the price of everything, I came up with around $3000-$4000 for every little detail. To make sure our family and friends get to celebrate as well, we've planned to have a simple outdoor picnic following our elopement. If any other brides-to-be are terrified of the idea of a traditional wedding, I would SO reccomend looking into elopements and micro weddings!!
Society be like: Your wedding should be the happiest day of your life then expect you to spend your life savings or you don't have """""true love."""""
@@kkTeaz There's also the possibility of meeting someone who doesn't subscribe to a consumerist definition of love or a "good" wedding. Just putting that out there. If you have other reasons for not wanting to have a relationship, that's probably better than avoiding romance altogether just because you don't like weddings.
One of my first jobs, at age 14, was for a local wedding boutique. The first thing I learned was that the dresses are always ordered way to big so the store can charge lost for "alterations".
seeing that you're a resident of America now, and have been through the sticker shock of getting married, call a hospital and ask them how much it charges to deliver a baby before you conceive, they might actually tell you!
This video made me really happy that my partner and I had a tiny wedding. My dress was from a high street shop & it wasn't even white, my ring didn't have a diamond, and it was just at my parents' house. I sometimes feel like it was too small, but watching this made me grateful again that we kept it low key :)
we had a lowkey wedding for about 1500€ bucks, which still is a lot of money. Didn't invite many (because corona, but Germany hadn't been hit as hard as during the months after) and until this day many members of my family won't talk to us, because we didn't invite them and because we didn't plan a lavish feast. I'll always say: it's your day. not that of your family or friends and it's the worst to get shamed for it.
My husband and I got married in Hong Kong, I changed in a mall bathroom (it was empty, nice and very clean), my dress was $40 and reusable, no professional hair and makeup, our bands were less than $200 for both, and the celebration was in a bar that we rented under a condition that our party will spend there no less than $300. Prices in HK and China are very different, I get it, but I'm still super happy with how everything went down.
@@handsomebear. Oh it absolutely does. But we had a benefit of not having our families there, plus we were two foreigners. Minimum pressure. So we could do it the way we wanted and felt comfortable with.
I already told my boyfriend that if he ever proposes, I don't want an engagement ring. First of all, I hate wearing rings anyway, and second I wouldn't marry someone who's that irresponsible with money. Do you know what a vacation we could get for that money? No thank you. Our love is still worth more than anything
I told my husband this before we got married! We recently eloped for $180 without an engagement ring. We are excited for the many post-pandemic vacations we have lined up and happy/relieved that our savings account is still comfortably padded. If you don't happen to value jewelry (or even hosting big events) then any money spent on it is a waste. Plan that vacation instead!
To continue; you could just as well organise a family picnic where each guest brings some food and drinks, and you would all have an equally good time without having to spend so much money. I've been to such weddings and they were lovely, warm and very personal. Things get expensive only when the princess wants her fairytale. And I speak that as a wedding photographer, btw.
@@marjankrebelj4007 Agreed! I feel like the media has sold this "dream" to women and a LOT of us buy into it. We've been conditioned to believe that we must want a "perfect wedding". I have been ridiculed for not wanting to have a wedding at all. A friend of mine was ridiculed for having a "bring your own liquor" wedding. It's like beauty standards, if someone tells you enough times something is desirable, you start to see it as that. I have felt "weird" for not wanting to "feel like a princess". Media sells us this "I felt the most beautiful that I've ever felt on my wedding day" lie to us and most women are also conditioned to want to feel beautiful.
When I was younger I really wanted a big wedding and I had planned to have one with my first engagement after high school graduation. 10 years later and I am now actually married to a totally different person and instead of having that big wedding we spent $35. We married at the courthouse with my immediate family (mom, dad, sister, and niece) and paid $35 for the marriage certificate only. I think my younger self would have felt disappointed by that but I honestly am glad I grew as a person to the point where I didnt need the spectacle and gesture because it was really just to mask that we had a lot of problems in that relationship. Overall though I feel happy with my actual spouse and after our wedding we went with my family to get barbecue. 10/10. would spend $35 again.
21:25 33k??? Now listen I am in fact, a child, so weddings aren't even on my mind but like,,,, 33k???? I could pay for ftm top surgery and almost afford bottom surgery with that money :((
DEADASS IT'S SO MUCH GODDAMN MONEY!! EVERYTIME I BRING IT UP ADULTS ARE LIKE.,,, OH YOU'RE 15 WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW DFHVJDH I KNOW THAT IT'S A SHIT TON OF MONEY!! i hope that you're alright and you're able to get top and bottom surgery!!!!! 💞💞
Y’all are right. I’m in my 30s and I’m not having a wedding because it’s insane. I’ll get married at a courthouse some day, maybe we’ll be able to go somewhere nice for our honeymoon with the money we’ve saved.
Which is why when I'm having wedding, I'm saying it's fot my grandfather's birthday and separately hiring people to decorate it. And instead of ordering a wedding cake, order an extravagant birthday cake and buy your own topper. The minute organizers hear wedding, the price is gonna sky rocket
As a person that does not want to date or get married, the media from the anglosphere selling that your wedding day is the most important day of your life really annoys me. And what you mentioned about most character arcs finishing with them getting married is also upseting. It sends the message there is no other way to happiness than romantic love and it gives a completely secondary role to other human relationships such as friendship, which are very important in my life. Nevertheless, I must say that I feel way more pressured to get into a romantic relationship and get married since I moved from Spain to the UK. It is not that British people are criticizing me for deciding to stay single, but rather the fact that most people I know in Spain are single or at least not planning to get married while in the UK everyone I know seems to be married or desperately looking for "the one".
We got married at city hall and threw a party later. In addition to saving our own money, it didn't require our guests to buy special outfits or gifts. Worked out fine!
I’m so mad. I wanted a super lowkey wedding with just immediate family and maybe a friend or two. MY BOYFRIEND HAS 9 SIBLINGS. SEVERAL OF THEM HAVE KIDS. I only have one brother and he’s 16 😭.
Damn, good luck, ever since I started thinking of a wedding I have always wanted a No Children rule and I can't wait to see how many people will get upset about this ;)
Wish I could like this more than once. Srsly, all these "ceremonies of saying goodbye that are important to accept and move on" are exploited so hard, and if you refuse to do them (or can't because you're not shitting out dollars)... be prepared to be judges and, in some cases, fined.
The worst part is that they have lobbyists who push through actual laws forcing you to use their services.. The minimum costs are insane and if you can't afford it seriously screwed up situations ensue. In the area I just moved from they cremate the remains and store them indefinitely at the coroners office, literally holding your family member hostage until you pay. The last official count they released was three years ago and there were over fifty stacked in a closet, and it's not a large area, the county only has about 150k people. Basic respectful treatment of the dead should be a cornerstone of any civilized society.
"Do you want the super deluxe coffin with built in wifi for 10k? Or the "I hate my grandpa" discount casket made up of wood we found in the alley?" "Grandpa would want the wi-fi..."
My dad's ashes are still unburied after a year because of my mom's refusal to call the funeral home back, which I assume has to do with money. I have some... feelings about this.
I'm a lesbian, and part of why I wanna wear a suit at my wedding is to avoid the expense of two wedding dresses. I doubt whoever I marry and I will really be able to afford the one
Great video the wedding industry is a disgustingly exploitative racket. Before we tied the knot my wife sat down with me and asked me "do you want a wedding or a marriage?" That more than anything confirmed i had made the right choice.
It reminds you of that because of the well done research and honest delivery, and of course the drinking (im saying that as someone who watched contrapoints, I cant really say about philosophy tube)
Imagine being 10 and introducing someone to your husband/wife. Also all of the wedding superstitions sound like they were made up by people who spent way too much money and are now justifying their decisions.
I went to a wedding for the first time this summer and while it was beautiful, the thing I will always remember was the bride and groom’s speeches to eachother at the reception. Not the cake, flower, dresses or food.
My take: Abolish marriage. It's a patriarchal and redundant. Love who you want, when you want, how you want. So long as it's between freely consenting, fully informed adults, it's all good fam.
How in the name of god is marriage patriarchal when women are the ones who gain the most from it lmao. But yeah, get rid of marriage, its a relic that has no place in modern society. I'm so sick of my parents asking me when I'm going to get a girlfriend/married.
@@FarawayStars you can raise children that way, if you raise them to be critical of these ideas and concepts. Or at least, starting to do this when they have good reading and writing comprehension.
This is a religious tradition that has turned into something meaningless now because people are becoming more and more selfish, self centered and cold hearted towards others. Not everyone views marriage this way.
Great points! I've been aware of this for as long as I can remember and I knew a "traditional" engagement and wedding wasn't something I wanted to do. My husband and I didn't get engaged and people found it so confusing when I told them we were getting married and I didn't have a ring. We had a 15-minute non-denominational ceremony in the garden of a notary office last year, I thrifted a burgundy dress for $50 and my husband wore a suit he'd had for years. We bought simple handmade redwood rings off Etsy, and our friend took photos with my DSLR. We ordered vegan pizza, opened a bottle of sake and watched Stranger Things after. It was great! And I've already re-worn my dress (to a friend's 15k€ wedding 😅).
I babysat at a dual filipino-catholic and indian hindu wedding. So going from a church venue to a rented out room in a casino in my area that can be bougie, and I was there for at least 10 hours I think. Indians don't fucking PLAY! At least the both their parents are hella rich, and the guy had a very good job
Indians be shelling out for their week-long 500+ guestlist weddings 😂😂😂 I always tell my family I should rather take the money and run. My parents would be fine with that but theres too many extended family members that would be "insulted" at doing so.
I thought bringing up limerence at the end of this video was so interesting, society makes such a big deal out of romantic love when really it’s such a transient feeling and can be pretty impersonal, I’ve felt this way about people I barely even liked for dumb reasons, like I liked their accent. The only thing that lasts in relationships are platonic forms of love but society really devalues platonic love. And women are definitely the ones who suffer the most because of this, since men can kind of get away with chasing this type of feeling.
If platonic love is devalued, then what's the point of developing an actual relationship with someone you loved the most?? There is a difference between people with deep loving, affectionate friendships vs. people with romantic/sexual relationships. I have a best friend who I known her about more than nine years. We went to the same middle school, high school, and college. When we hang out, I am very happy and excited to see her, but when we're separate, I feel lonely and depressed inside. We both miss each other a lot. Despite that, my best friend and I made really good memories. :)
I got married in the middle of the pandemic, we never wanted a big wedding anyway.. No engagement ring, only wedding rings, all the shops were closed so I wore the dress I already owned. I'm really happy that me and my now husband don't care about those things 😄
i wanna get married when im ready but dude there's no big point to these grand weddings- it's too expensive and it's quite the invasion of privacy. there's a part of me that wants it to be a grand party in realistic terms, and to get symbolic rings and whatnot, but still, it is so pointless and drains so much for the two people who desire to marry
I fell in love with a Swede and moved here two years ago. As an American, I’m used to being bombarded with images of huge diamond engagement rings. Mine is a plain white gold 2mm band as is tradition here. My wedding band will be a bit more ornate but still nothing like the ostentatious American ideals. I am happy and proud of my ring (and his, too, as men here also wear engagement rings that later serve as the wedding band). It’s beautiful and given with love. We will be eloping first in front of the judge and then on the edge of a cliff at my favorite place in the world, Ales Stenar. There we will exchange words of love between us and us alone. Weddings are not a circus or a spectacle. They are celebrations of love between two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together. Congratulations to you all and enjoy your weddings as the start of happy marriages!!!!❤️
Fiancé and I are getting married but decided to have the smallest wedding possible. We’ll just say our vows in front of friends and family and spend more money on the honeymoon.
I remember seeing this couple on TikTok who stated instead of doing a wedding, they saved up all that money to travel to many different places and created beautiful! This is honestly what I wanna do since I’m not the type of person who loves showing myself off to people and I remember seeing this couple on TikTok who stated instead of doing a wedding, they saved up all that money to travel to many different places and created beautiful! This is honestly what I wanna do since I’m not the type of person who loves showing myself off to people and i love exploring & learning about different cultures😄 wasting my money for something like this will be super fun & memorable instead of a dress that I won’t ever wear again or stressing over the ceremony.
Wait. Engagement photos have been a thing, for can confirm, at least he better half of the last century. My parents had engagement photos in 1980. The choice photo was used in the engagement announcement in the newspaper.
working at a Dimond fair I was able to listen to an expert industry talk which debated how to emotionally bind people to real diamonds and how they must start ad campaigns to emphasise that only real natural child mined blood diamonds are truly saying I love you A friend of mine wrote a whole thesis how the Dimond industry invaded the Chinese market - published magazines, even sponsored TV shows to introduce the engagement ring tradition - it wasn't a thing in china but the massive ad campaign worked and now there is a huge artificial market for it.
My best friend, who is the most frugal (cheap, she’s just cheap) person I’ve ever met, managed to have an actual wedding for around $1500 including her wedding dress! Her dream dress was $900 at David’s Bridal, however, there was a store an hour away that had it on clearance for $130 because somewhere on the dress there was an ink mark. Uh, the ink mark was in a seam on the waist that not a single person could ever see because there was a ribbon that went right over it. The location only cost $30 to rent, it was a community center on the beach that already had tables and chairs. She only needed another $30 for a permit to get married on the beach. The pastor was free. We bought several rotisserie chickens from Publix and sides that we reheated on site for about 60 guests. We went to a store called Old Time Pottery and we bought the items needed to make the decorations and bouquet. I made her dream bouquet from fake flowers that cost no more than a dollar each. We made boutonnières for the men and corsages for the bridesmaids. You would’ve never guessed how little money was spent walking into the reception. We spent a lot of hours of labor, but at the end of the day it was worth it. We all had fun, we became closer friends and it was such a memorable experience. Oh, the one thing that she couldn’t get out of discounting was the wedding cake. She got a 3 tier cake for $300, which in my opinion is fairly cheap for a wedding cake, but to her it might as well be $1000. Lol. Her brother is a music producer so he was the DJ and one of her friends was the photographer for free as her wedding gift. And honestly my friend only wanted certain things photographed by a professional.
This is so interesting! Also nice to see it being discussed. My partner and I are getting married in November (global situation permitting) and it's fun to hear all these ridiculous traditions and see which ones we bought into and which we didn't. So far it's a yes to the very expensive white dress, and a no to diamonds (cubic zerconium) and my partner also has an engagement ring (engraved like a circuit board), both rings together cost less than £150. No to fruitcake (good God that tradition needs to die), and no to an engagement shoot. It's quite interesting hearing your view though, because we're getting married in the UK where a lot of the laundry list seems more optional or at the very least is included in the venue hire rather than an additional cost. We are still spending a lot of money... but far less than we are (will... when we can) spend on the honeymoon. Honestly I'm pretty chuffed about how much we're spending for what we're getting. As a child I really bought into the wedding ideas, I had a wedding scrapbook from the age of 8. I was exactly the child/teen that romcoms love and other genres laugh at. Turns out what when it comes to my own wedding I actually really don't care about all the things I was told/believed were important. If anyone has read all this way and is planning on getting married, trust me - focus on the things you really care about and feel free to ignore the rest!
As a Photographer, I honestly feel the only thing worth paying for is Bride & Groom clothing & photography. Everything else is SO inflated!!! My Fiancé and I plan of having a garden party engagement party but when guests show up they’ll be told it’s actually our wedding 🤣 It’ll show us that the ones who really love us will be there as the people who don’t feel it’s important to come, won’t be there 🙂 My dress will be a white $300 prom dress and fiancé has had a navy suit from Target for YEARS! We’ll only be spending the photographer ($4,000), Dress ($200 to $300), alcohol ($200?) and that seems to be it 🙂
I know not everyone can do this, but for people who can, heirloom jewelry is a great option for wedding rings. My wedding ring was my great grandmother's wedding ring. It's unique, I like it, and it was basically free for us. The only cost was getting it resized to fit my finger.
I was already not keen on the materialism of weddings, but this just... takes the cake 😎 Seriously though, wanting an extravagant wedding is kind of a deal-breaker for me. I do not want to reward this predatory industry with large amounts of money. The way they've invaded our culture to make abstaining from this seem cheap and callous is a little revolting to me. EDIT: To be clear, I'm not against marriage in general. Just the "as expensive and big as possible" kind.
Im like this too, Id rather just have a smaller ceremony and a nice lunch in a restaurant with only the closest family and friends. Those gigantic weddings always felt kinda soulless
That is totally valid. We're not all keen on the "big and extravagant" celebrations, even if the wedding is meant to be a special day. We just need to realize (a bit more) that not all weddings are planned the same.
It can be a beautiful celebration. I just think people should pay attention to details and having good taste. Some people are braiwashed by these marriage TV shows that estimulate people into disposable-like-fast-food weddings. So gross.
My boyfriend and I aren't going to get married anytime soon, but we've already agreed to making it a pretty small affair and cut costs down as much as possible. No diamond ring, no cake, and a dress that sits in the 100's, not 1000's, etc. Not gonna lie, I do like the thought of a big, romantic wedding, but I really can't justify the costs of such an event. It's about you and your partner, not a lavish display of wealth.
Wedding planning was one the most stressful things I’d ever done. The worst part is that you never realize you are getting scammed and when you figure it out it’s too late.
It's important that you use all that money for the memories of that one wedding day, instead of for a down payment on a house that will hold decades of memories.
Had a courthouse wedding for just the marriage license fee. I wore a 20 dollar dress and my husband a 17 dollar shirt and some older pants he just had laying around. He gave me rings, 140 for the engagement and band and for his birthday I got him his wedding band that he chose which was 114. I wanted a traditional wedding at first but when I looked up how expensive it is even for a “simple”wedding we ditched the idea. I just wanted to be married to him, it took a wallet shock to realize I would be fine just being married without all the showmanship involved in it. I don’t regret not having a big wedding. We used the money saved to move into a better apartment and help with some of our bills. I’m so happy I’m not in debt over a wedding.
Got married in 2019. My husband and I had talked about getting married prior to our engagement and I picked out my engagement ring. It was $100 and it's opal set in silver. It's exactly what I wanted. And yet most women that I showed it too during my engagement reacted with what I can only describe as pity. And I don't blame them. They were clearly indoctrinated into the "if he doesn't buy you a $10K diamond, he doesn't love you" school of thought. It was just...ugh, so shitty to see.
Very true. For my brothers wedding I cut costs by negotiating and asking for “Covid” friendly packages. This is the best time to shop for immediate elopements. The full wedding with ceremony/reception/open bar/center pieces by (fl) beach: $2,000. We were allowed to bring in what ever cake we wanted and flowers. We shopped at a grocery store for flowers 💐 and wrapped them up with dollar store tape-it looked professional. When we shopped for the cake we said it was for a birthday party 🥳 but the baker caught on and still gave us the same rate as a bday party. However (prior) I did experiment myself . I asked a random bakery for a wedding cake and it was $500 but for a bday $30-50max. That’s why I decided to say” bday” from that point on. We bought fruits and the chef 👩🍳 at the venue agreed to cut it for us with the cake. It was amazing how everything was pulled together as a secret wedding shopper.
Wedding tax is because os emotional excision from unruly family and brides. If you a nice easy client they will make the price cheaper because if no drama.
@@XxHeavensXAnglexX really I had no idea! Yeah , we are a super easy going family. We were extremely thankful of the food/service. We definitely could not believe we could pull a full wedding in less than a month with almost little to no budget. Which by the way my brother only paid a total of $275 . We all shipped in to make it special for him. 💕For him it was basically free, but we all felt that he deserved a nice day.
Yeah. I don't need to have an extremely big and expensive wedding. But my parents want it to be big regardless because its "tradition". Even though we can't afford :/
I dont mean to Interfere in your personal stuff but one good advice i got on this subject was: if someone else wants your wedding to be more than you can or want to spend let them pay for it. they will quickly change their mind. Hope your wedding will be Great and with you a happy marriage!
Weddings from when I was a kid gave me so much anxiety, I hate being around so many people I don't really relate to in anyway, it honestly fills me with anxiety now seeing the footage of weddings from this and imagining I might have to do that and everyone expects me to, and if I don't have a big lavish one then I'll be judged on multiple levels by my family or the bride's. I hate that we have invented a thing everyone is supposed to do where they basically pretend to be rich for one day.
I spent 8k on my wedding. In the Latin American community we have our family sponsor our weddings. There’s a cake sponsor, a few music sponsors, venue, dress, flowers etc.
Thank you for the great points you make in this video. I just wanna say (as someone who will likely elope if I do get married and don’t even think I want my family there)... liking any of those things doesn’t make you shallow either. Not liking or wanting them seems to give some people a real chip on their shoulder. It just shouldn’t be an expectation or comparison game that knocks people back significant amounts of money, and there shouldn’t be an entire predatory industry that relies on propaganda to get people to consume. Do what you want for you and the person you love. There just seems to be a weird overcompensation, a not like other girls thing that happens though, in the other direction, where people almost need to tell everyone how much they didn’t care about doing all that, which makes me kinda roll my eyes as much as people who compare how much people spent on the ring more than even the idea of being engaged. TL:DR, if you want something beautiful and to remember, that’s up to you what it looks like, and I agree the hyperconsumption and profit incentive involved with weddings is unethical as hell.
Completely agree. So frequently I see a sort of race to the bottom where people are like "Well I got married for 2k on the beach in old flip flops," "Well I got married in a backyard BBQ in a dress I stitched together with old towels," "Well I got married at the courthouse in sweats and ate McDonald's after because I'm the coolest cool girl to ever cool" The point is that people shouldn't feel pressured to participate in big lavish weddings to validate their relationship, but we shouldn't shame the ones who do want those things. Big weddings don't automatically equal superiority, but then neither do small weddings. Everyone should just do what makes them happy
@@casper7319 exactly. I’m 100 percent for people defining what makes something special and sentimental for them but it still just feels like they have something to prove.
You nailed it. The wife and I tried to keep it as stress free and as cheap as possible by simply going with a package deal at a hotel. We made our own table decorations, I thrifted a Brooks Brothers suit for $8, and we rented speakers and just plugged a laptop in with a Spotify playlist in lieu of a dj which I recommend everyone do. Hell, I handed my groomsmen $40 each and told them to get a haircut and shave wherever as the price for wedding day haircuts was nuts had we all walked into one place together. The wedding was great and I’m glad we did it , but we still knew it was dumb money to spend for a fancy party.
And this is why my fiance and I are eloping. We have gotten so much crap for not wanting and spending a small fortune on a "normal" wedding. It's our day, it's going to be what we want and what we want is to spend the day together, just the two of us. I tried for literal years to plan a "normal" wedding but procrastinated it for 5 years because I just dreaded it which made me feel awful because I love my fiance. Once we decided to elope, I was able to get excited for it. I can honestly say I'm really excited for my "wedding" day!
My Fiancée and I are the least traditional people. We are doing what the hell we want lol. I will be buying a bomb $50 dress. We are having a small guest list, and we are not concerned with people feelings. Our budget is $2000-$2500. We are building wealth over here, not a fantasy for other people.
For a stone on a ring you could use lapis or carnelian which have these really beatiful and vibrant colors. Or you could get a diamond that just looks like extra shiny glass and is possibly mined by African orphans.
My dad told his Spanish class that you should *always* plan your wedding for a close relative's birthday so you don't forget -- My parents got married on his dad's birthday!
My fiancé and I will just marry at a courthouse on a whim. I’m kinda shy and I get social anxieties when it comes to throwing a wedding party. We will just trade friendship bracelets, take our own pics (yay tripods), & do a food takeout. 🥰
As someone getting married, I am totally flabbergasted by what people spend. Like I just don't understand AT ALL. People are spending thousands on table set up. People are getting second jobs to afford the flowers they want. All for one day that, if we are being honest, most people won't even remember. I've been to a lot of weddings over the years and they all just sort of blend together in my mind. Its not just guests either. When asked I've had multiple people mention they don't remember where exactly they got married or what they ate, etc. We are just going to the courthouse. It'll be like $50. Screw anyone who tries to tell me otherwise.
The funeral industry is even worse and insulting.
I was not expecting this comment, so greedy so cruel
yup.... we paid thousands to bury my grandmother.
True!
My father in law was a pastor when he passed, and so we already had a venue and staff willing to work for their regular salary in his church, and yet still the funeral was insanely expensive
The worst is that, like weddings, there are religious and social pressures to conform to various rituals and customs that are exceptionally expensive - unless you are one of those ultimate frugal brides that buys almost everything second hand and then resells everything you can to bring your cost down (something that is not doable for funerals).
You: Does it means that I love her less?
Capitalism: Yes.
@Erwin Lii yup. He did the wedding cost and rings thing in depth too.
capitalism doesn't give a fuck... im a staunch capitalist - my wedding = none, just sing papers in the court house. you know you don't have to give in to some dumb ads and how everyone perceives a wedding should be? you are weak, capitalism has nothing to do with it
@@DanteTheSimpSlayer Capitalism wants people to consume as many products and services as they can. So you're actually wrong. Capitalism does indeed want you to spend/consume as much as is humanly possible on your wedding day.
@@DanteTheSimpSlayer ive been trying to convince myself for 10 minutes now that youre probably 14, not just kinda stupid, really wrong, and completely incoherent
@@DanteTheSimpSlayer "capitalism doesn't give a fuck"
"you know you don't have to give in to some dumb ads and how everyone perceives a wedding should be?"
Wow. Way to contradict yourself. :/
You :Capitalism doesn't give a fuck how much you spend on your wedding.
Also you: ignore Capitalism trying to get you to spend more money on your wedding.
This is why I’ve never married my partner. Neither of us had any money, our parents have none either, and we decided to get indebted for a degree that would allow us to escape low wage jobs. So now we owe dozens of thousands of dollars, make slightly more than minimum wage, and I’m considering marrying him (just legally, no ceremony) so I can get on his health insurance. Ah, romance under neoliberal capitalism.
Lol but yes sad.
My parents got married for a mortgage, because it was apparently easier to get one when you were married (in the 90s) than it was as a cohabiting couple. The very height of romance!
That's how we should think about it. Centuries ago marriage was a way to pass down inheritances and keep wealth, but then we got brainwashed into letting marriage be the end all be all of romantic love. Kinda how we've come to put so much emphasis on having a fulfilling job. A job is you selling your time and effort to make money. If you can do something you love great, but not everyone ties their self-worth to the job they have.
@@crazy4beatles wish I could 'love' your comment. Everyone asked to go try on dresses & I don't really plan on having it. We have no rings either, dont plan on having kids for another few years & plan to prove that you don't need to go all traditional
@@crazy4beatles I worry about finding a "fulfilling job" in the future, I see so many miserable slaves & they claim that it's okay because it pays the bills. How did we get here??
Salari's best man here. His voice didn't break THAT badly when he sang at his wedding. I sold bootlegs of it outside the venue after the ceremony and made a killing
You still owe me a cut of those sales.
@@Salari we'll talk
Hahaha 🤣 thanks for the laugh!
😂😂😂
instead of having a wedding, i'm going to elope and spend all that money on an amazing luxurious honeymoon
Exactly wat i said. Spend money on yourself not other people
Same!! Covid SUCKS, but I'm so glad it opened my eyes to the possibility of an elopement! It just makes sense!
I got engaged in November and trying to plan this wedding and seeing how much $$$ I’ll be hemorrhaging... I am also considering eloping and spending the money on a bombas honeymoon too....
Same, we’re having a courthouse wedding and jetting off to a nice European city right after!
I was gonna comment that too!!!
mad props to my parents for getting married in a basement in texas and going to dairy queen for ice cream as their reception. 30 years and still going strong.
Sounds like it was a lot of fun, honestly.
This is true love. Congrats on 30 years!
Right on. Keeping it simple, we have been together 30years and married at court house
@@kathleengivant-taylor2277 A lot easier when not marrying someone with their own traditional practices like Nigirians (my partner) or Indians. You gotta do some extra stuff before you even get to the courthouse lol. If it were only up to me, then it's courthouse all day while I let other couples pay my bills with wedding photography. But my partner couldn't even be considered married in the eyes of their family unless certain traditions were done. It would be seen as a bad omen to skip it.
My brother and my sister in law got married at the Justice of the Peace in sweaters and jeans and 16 years and three kids later they still have a strong marriage. It is about the marriage and not the wedding.
And the money they might have spent on the day went instead to starting out their new life together. Much wiser investment
Fully agree, starter
I always tell people that!
I got married in the court parkinglot (: my husband and I dont like wasting money. A ywar later I just got my ring 💍
Of course it’s about the marriage but its a day to celebrate that beginning. I think everyone should have a form of celebration 🍾.No matter how small-big you envision it. You can go to a court house or go all out. There is no right answer. 💕
"Queen Victoria was to white dresses what Pinterest was to mason jars" omg. I don't know why that one really got me lol
As someone who is addicted to Pinterest it got me too!
my engagment ring has a fat pikachu hugging a fake diamond. I love it
That sounds like a pretty cool ring tbh xD
Omg I wish I could see it 🥺
that's so cool omg
That’s really cute!
Yessss. I have a 10x10mm garnet with a peekaboo moissanite on one side amd a dumbbell and anchor on the other, I'm in the navy amd we met cuz we both body build. Prolly still slightly expensive for some people at 1700$ but its a completely custom peice I had designed and I helped design my husbands ring too. both rings under 3000$ I'd say is a pretty good deal for custom work that's still good quality. You could always change the type of metal too if you want something even less expensive than solid rose gold or platinum for example. So many financially saavy ways to get a beautiful wedding ring, if it's a must to have one, that won't break the bank.
That's it. I'm wearing my prom dress to my wedding along with the black veil I bought for a cosplay. Change my mind.
I so feel that. I didn't even get to wear my prom dress and it's GORGEOUS - if it still fits whenever the time is right, I might just do that and get some use out of it haha
@@lexies.970 YES! Prom dress gang unite!!
Honestly black veils are gorgeous in weddings.
DO IT. My wife wore her old homecoming dress she got for $11 at an Asian gift shop :P
Yes!!! I'm with you on this with both accounts.
I knew about lying about whether your event was a wedding, but today was the first time I considered not even having rings. Like why do any of our traditions matter? A wedding could literally just be a medium size party at someone's house that happens to have an officiant. You can wear literally anything you want and rings are not legally binding.
Yes yes yes
Our traditions provides us a sense of belonging, a shared view of principles in a community were can give and receive support. They help us to feel nourished of ethic and moral values wich will be part of our being, our identity. Traditions are a gift to our existence because it help us to feel grounded, as part of a space where our beings gain strenght in our community. They help us to create a foundation for our lives and for the future generations. A marriage ceremony it is not only a party, it is something bigger. It is a tradition simbolising our love for another human being and the beginning of a new family. And people can adapt some details to their personal taste... to make it unique.
@@getthekool1758 A wedding is actually just a useless ceremony that doesn't necessarily *do* anything. Nothing is gained by spending tons of money to stand in a room and say some magic words. Just sign a paper and get off your high horse 😂
And I don't understand why you need two rings, the engagement and the wedding one. I don't even know if that's a thing in my culture. My parents aren't married, they are only engaged so I've only seen them with one ring. My grandparents are married but I only see one ring each, but I don't know if engagements rings were a thing back then and those were poor times any way. Off to google some information ->
@@getthekool1758 Which makes it sting a lot more to hear that people did their wedding a certain way because "that's just how it's done" rather than out of genuine desire or feeling connected to that culture. If something like a ring doesn't make you or your partner feel anything, then neither should be obligated to get one. The sheer pressure to adhere to (honestly very recently developed) norms and expectations I think is what makes weddings so stressful.
I didnt really want a wedding but my family is very traditional and basically nagged me till I gave in. Had it planned for May 2020 (oof) but we got the news that my grandmothers cancer had come back worse, so decided to have it in June 2019. 2 months after the news. Spent 3K on the whole shebang with nearly 100 guests. My dress was 200, same as the tux, and coincidentally the same price as the rings. It was an outdoor wedding and we bought our own wedding tents online for $800, rather than go for the $4000 (🤮) price for rented ones, plus we sold the tents after. I was able to find a local farmer who sold me tons of meat for a really good price so we had pulled pork sandwiches and a million delicious potluck sides for dinner. I am a chef so I was able to make my own cake as well, dark chocolate and hazelnut. It was a beautiful, hectic and very fun wedding and I am glad I got to do it before my grandma passed. She passed away just weeks before my original wedding was planned.
3k for the whole thing is very inexpensive though. Well done. I went to one that cost 40k in 2018. But I am african, and when we have money showing off and showing out is definitely a big thing.
I'm invited to a cousins wedding later this year... and they are paying MORE THAN 100,000 DOLLARS for this wedding. I love them, but it feels like such a disgustingly wasteful practice of glutinous capitalism. You could buy a good portion of A HOUSE
with that amount! Millions of people
Would use that money for food and water, but instead its being used for a weekend party . :/
Are they rich, or going into debt for that? I eloped, could not see spending money on one day. But if people are wealthy, and have the money, I try not to judge.
For that much it must be an open bar and high class food. Enjoy it. Can't fix another's wasteful spending so may as well enjoy their dumb spending.
& then if you mention it you're seen as a buzzkill 🙃 Im just trying to spread out the wealth damn
My student loans would be cleared... And I'd still have enough for a down payment for a house 😭
100k for a covid wedding, yikes
THANK YOU stranger on the internet for telling me I don't need to overspend to prove anything and to be frugal! I really needed that kind of affirmation.
Even though I'm not close to getting married the whole 'wedding industrial complex' gives my such a weird, lonely brand of anxiety, especially because big, showy weddings have become so essential in Indian cultures. My parents are well-to-do but when they talk of setting aside money for my wedding or the amount that they'd spend it gives me a near cardiac arrest. And my friends don't seem to have those concerns either? A bunch of them are getting married in the near future and it's all extravagance that goes on for days. Makes me wonder if my parents will be disappointed or if my peers will be a bit judgmental if all I want to do is register my marriage in some nice clothes that don't cost a bomb. And makes me unnecessarily worried that a potential partner too may find me too cynical or sad for not wanting an engagement ring or any of the pre-wedding photo shoots stuff.
Bleh. but thanks again for assuaging
This was nice to read, fellow indian here and I have been thinking along the same lines
Pakistani here. It is insane how much we are affected by "log kia kahengay". I wish there were more people like you. I thought COVID wedding (simple weddings, few guests) phenomenon will last longer but i already see people going back to the old ways.
Add to this the whole *bachpan se teri kanya daan ka sapna dekha hai*. It makes me feel so guilty. I'd rather have my parents spend their savings on a trip to someplace nice then spend it on my wedding.
Marriages are important. Weddings not so much.
I wouldn’t worry so much about not being able to find a partner that thinks the same way as you. You’ll probably talk about wedding expectations before being engaged. But it is certainly a hassle to have family and friends that just don’t understand.
My fiancé proposed with a ring made from aluminum wiring recycled from a stop-motion animation we did together. When I got engaged I called one of my aunts and she asked me what the ring was like. I told her and she said “maybe he’ll be able to save up and get you a real one eventually.” I told her the one I had was perfect and she didn’t seem to get it. But at the end of the day, they should be happy for you and not worried about any of that.
I wish I could send this video and other criticism of the wedding industry to family members whenever they get uppity about something.
You don’t have to do all the ‘traditional’ wedding stuff to have a great wedding or great marriage. My wedding is planned for post covid, and will be about £2500 (not including dress or rings), but includes food, some booze, both venues, miscellaneous expenses, and a photographer.
To be fair to vendors who charge way more for weddings, in a sense they're also victims of the hype. Wedding vendors deal with a lot of extra demands and drama. No one cares what color the napkins are at a corporate event or a birthday party. But for weddings, you have brides screaming at rental companies because the tablecloths are white and not eggshell. Bakeries create passwords with couples so an angry mother-in-law can't call in and sabotage the cake. You have to work much harder to make sure that everything is "perfect". Until we as a society all chill out about weddings, I think they should absolutely come with higher fees.
This this this! I sometime feel bad charging more for a great easy couple who didn’t have family drama. But you never know when a couple going to be a familyzilla or easy going on it looks good were good.
Right, but I feel like this behavior is also caused from the "hype". The cycle feeds itself.
I’m a bridal makeup artist and the amount of questions/emails/changes/comments I have to deal with during the months prior to the wedding justify the higher cost of the makeup.
Yes! I know I’m late in response, but everything you’re saying is true!
Maybe have some sort of contract with the clients that includes mark ups for extra changes and interference? I don’t know, this still seems like taking advantage of people. First- Someone here mentioned- not every couple is like that. To flatly increase price assuming the worst- it just doesn’t sit right. Secondly- it also feeds into that whole hype and becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. It contributes to the financial stress of a couple that’s just starting out- which likely leads to them being stressed out clients for you. Especially if everyone else is overcharging them by assuming they’ll be stressed and therefore unpleasant to deal with.
My partner and I got married at a little local church, with just our parents and the priest there (which didn't cost us anything), and had a family potluck to celebrate afterwards at his parents house. No wedding dress, no ceremony, no cake, not even an engagement ring. We just decided one day "hey, let's do it! it's gonna happen eventually anyways, why not next month?"
In August, we'll celebrate 5 years as a married couple. It's all about love for us, not a grand ceremony. Happy to see there's other great examples of this in other comments on this video!
sorry i first read it as "My parent and I got married" i was dazed and had a shock while reading that lol
Right on. We have been together 30 years and got married at court house
Gay
I keep telling people that they are not members of high society. Save all that money for the house and skip the fancy wedding.
The diamond paradox: if a diamond is valuable because it looks pretty, then why do fakes that look the exact same cost so much less?
I thinks it because of time it takes to make a diamond because it’s just a compressed carbon sources?
@@Kayla-eu7dp yeah, but why does that matter if you can get something that looks the same much more easily?
@@pungetello idk I’m not an appraiser for diamonds
It's supposedly because diamonds are harder to cut and work with because part of what you are paying for is the craftsmanship that went into the jewel.
But that is not to say it's not overly inflated even if you look at it from that angle. We use diamonds for drill tips for crying out loud. They aren't expensive, and they're not that hard to shape and work with with modern technology like the were in ye olden times.
But it's slowly morphed into this social expectation that you'll spend a crspton of money just for the sake of proving your love and investing yourself into the other person.
Not because people exactly want to do that, but because there is the sense that we are expected to.
Because capitalism breeds innovation
My partner and I are currently planning a wedding and it's wild how many people we need to be in touch with and how much planning is involved. We both just wanted something chill and low-key, but everyone in the family has something to say and something they are expecting. I love and care about these people, so I find myself doing a lot of things for THEM, not for us. It sucks.
that's so annoying, i hope you guys get the wedding YOU TWO deserve!!
I know how to say no. I guess that's why no one likes me and I'm a hermit.
This is why I’m not doing it. They’re not even worth it to do it for. My gma is still mad at my cousin who got married 10 years ago for not doing something my gma wanted
This probably sounds super cynical and maybe a bit bad, but if I ever get married my folks won't even know until the week or so before it's happening, if there will actually be a ceremony. If there won't be a ceremony and I commit to that decision with my significant other, they'll know -after- it's done and over with.
It's a "sorry not sorry it's my life not yours" thing. I fully expect some members of my family to be insistent on doing unnecessary stuff and that is precicely why in anticipation of that I'll dodge that bullet by not telling anyone and putting myself in that situation.
Realistically no one is harmed or would care anyway xD let's just move on with our lives.
But then again this is exactly what you'd expect from an introvert fed up with family that treat them like an extrovert and expect them to be one.
@@occultninja4 That doesn't sound cynical. Instead it sounds healthy. You have boundaries and will do what you can to respect and enfoce them. If anyone has a problem with your reasonable boundaries then I would seriously reconsider their importance for your life because it's a big red flag to disrespect your boundaries. You should feel comfortable and good about your life. Always. And especially on your wedding day. Therefore it's not at all cynical to make sure that you are happy
I plan to have a quiet garden wedding in my own home. I'm 21. I'll check in with you guys when I get my dream home with a nice garden loll
A quiet garden wedding at home. This sounds so wonderfully wholesome and special. I wish you every happiness on your future big day :)
Good luck
Same
Until you get the guest list from your parents and realized the garden isn't big enough.
@@dusksoldier Why would your parents have any say on who you invite to your wedding?
It’s okay if you’re the beast. He was sexier as the beast.
Seriously!
Yeah they did him wrong
Hard agree on this one, he looked unusual when he turned into the prince even Belle was shooked
Hell yeah!
You just heard half the furry community in the background
XD
My husband proposed with a hamburger because I didn’t want an engagement ring. Then we got married at the courthouse. So happy we didn’t do things traditionally, after five years I’ve never once regretted our decisions
You are both Gigachads. Mad props : D
“Idk why engagement photos becoming a thing but it need to stop” agree! Nowadays people make photo sessions for everything. When they engage, when they got pregnant and show their bump, when the baby just born and looks like potato.
Everything become photo session which is very unnecessary
May have to do with everyone wanting to put stuff on their stupid Feltchbook.
Everything about this comment needs to be shouted from the rooftops, now that I'm 24 years old, I can't go on social media without seeing this nonsense and I know it's only going to get worse in the next 10 years. I hate it here.
But........potato babies!!!
Yep and those photographers a lined up with their hand out. The photographer for our wedding quoted me 300$ for an hour long session for bridal portraits that had to be paid in advance. Like no. I have a camera and someone to take my pic. You'll probably only get 6 photos back too.
I love big princess weddings as much as any other girly girl, but my darling and I are eloping to Chicago (after covid, obviously), and we couldn't be happier.
I still get to have the dress, photos, champagne, cake, and most importantly the love of my life, but without making the day such a stupidly expensive and dramatic endeavour. Breaking down the price of everything, I came up with around $3000-$4000 for every little detail.
To make sure our family and friends get to celebrate as well, we've planned to have a simple outdoor picnic following our elopement.
If any other brides-to-be are terrified of the idea of a traditional wedding, I would SO reccomend looking into elopements and micro weddings!!
I love this for you. I would like something nice or nothing, just papers. You can save money and not lower ypur standards for celebrating your love. 💖
@@Dinosgurl20 Exactly!! Celebrate your love how YOU want to, not how other unimportant people are telling you to! 😊💕
I'm having a micro wedding ❤☺️ Japanese Friendship Garden in San Diego
@@ruthosornio7779 That sounds beautiful!! Congratulations! 😊💕
@@matteaelric9436 thank you❤☺️
Society be like: Your wedding should be the happiest day of your life then expect you to spend your life savings or you don't have """""true love."""""
Society be like: We waste money on meaningless shit because we are fucking morons
And this is why I decided to never have non platonic love
@@kkTeaz There's also the possibility of meeting someone who doesn't subscribe to a consumerist definition of love or a "good" wedding. Just putting that out there. If you have other reasons for not wanting to have a relationship, that's probably better than avoiding romance altogether just because you don't like weddings.
@@moongem4489 good luck with that, most women get that shit drilled in their heads from inside the womb
One of my first jobs, at age 14, was for a local wedding boutique. The first thing I learned was that the dresses are always ordered way to big so the store can charge lost for "alterations".
I heard it was because it is easier to make dress smaller than bigger
seeing that you're a resident of America now, and have been through the sticker shock of getting married, call a hospital and ask them how much it charges to deliver a baby before you conceive, they might actually tell you!
I proposed to my wife while we were both on LSD, and for our wedding we had a cookout for our families and got married at the courthouse. Good times.
This video made me really happy that my partner and I had a tiny wedding. My dress was from a high street shop & it wasn't even white, my ring didn't have a diamond, and it was just at my parents' house. I sometimes feel like it was too small, but watching this made me grateful again that we kept it low key :)
Awwwww so cute 🥰
we had a lowkey wedding for about 1500€ bucks, which still is a lot of money. Didn't invite many (because corona, but Germany hadn't been hit as hard as during the months after) and until this day many members of my family won't talk to us, because we didn't invite them and because we didn't plan a lavish feast. I'll always say: it's your day. not that of your family or friends and it's the worst to get shamed for it.
My husband and I got married in Hong Kong, I changed in a mall bathroom (it was empty, nice and very clean), my dress was $40 and reusable, no professional hair and makeup, our bands were less than $200 for both, and the celebration was in a bar that we rented under a condition that our party will spend there no less than $300. Prices in HK and China are very different, I get it, but I'm still super happy with how everything went down.
I heard the western wedding industry is slowly snaking its way into asian culture as well. Bit by slithering bit. *shudders*
@@handsomebear. Oh it absolutely does. But we had a benefit of not having our families there, plus we were two foreigners. Minimum pressure. So we could do it the way we wanted and felt comfortable with.
I already told my boyfriend that if he ever proposes, I don't want an engagement ring. First of all, I hate wearing rings anyway, and second I wouldn't marry someone who's that irresponsible with money. Do you know what a vacation we could get for that money? No thank you. Our love is still worth more than anything
I told my husband this before we got married! We recently eloped for $180 without an engagement ring. We are excited for the many post-pandemic vacations we have lined up and happy/relieved that our savings account is still comfortably padded. If you don't happen to value jewelry (or even hosting big events) then any money spent on it is a waste. Plan that vacation instead!
I only wear my wedding ring when I leave my home for something (no, not throwing rubbish). Same for my husband. 10 yrs and counting.
Getting married is one thing. Having a wedding is a luxury item, sorry. There is no need for you to do it (other than your own fancy).
To continue; you could just as well organise a family picnic where each guest brings some food and drinks, and you would all have an equally good time without having to spend so much money. I've been to such weddings and they were lovely, warm and very personal. Things get expensive only when the princess wants her fairytale. And I speak that as a wedding photographer, btw.
YES!
@@marjankrebelj4007 Agreed! I feel like the media has sold this "dream" to women and a LOT of us buy into it. We've been conditioned to believe that we must want a "perfect wedding". I have been ridiculed for not wanting to have a wedding at all. A friend of mine was ridiculed for having a "bring your own liquor" wedding. It's like beauty standards, if someone tells you enough times something is desirable, you start to see it as that. I have felt "weird" for not wanting to "feel like a princess". Media sells us this "I felt the most beautiful that I've ever felt on my wedding day" lie to us and most women are also conditioned to want to feel beautiful.
When I was younger I really wanted a big wedding and I had planned to have one with my first engagement after high school graduation. 10 years later and I am now actually married to a totally different person and instead of having that big wedding we spent $35. We married at the courthouse with my immediate family (mom, dad, sister, and niece) and paid $35 for the marriage certificate only.
I think my younger self would have felt disappointed by that but I honestly am glad I grew as a person to the point where I didnt need the spectacle and gesture because it was really just to mask that we had a lot of problems in that relationship.
Overall though I feel happy with my actual spouse and after our wedding we went with my family to get barbecue. 10/10. would spend $35 again.
21:25 33k??? Now listen I am in fact, a child, so weddings aren't even on my mind but like,,,, 33k???? I could pay for ftm top surgery and almost afford bottom surgery with that money :((
I am not a child anymore but yeah ...
hang in there my dude !
DEADASS IT'S SO MUCH GODDAMN MONEY!! EVERYTIME I BRING IT UP ADULTS ARE LIKE.,,, OH YOU'RE 15 WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW DFHVJDH I KNOW THAT IT'S A SHIT TON OF MONEY!! i hope that you're alright and you're able to get top and bottom surgery!!!!! 💞💞
Y’all are right. I’m in my 30s and I’m not having a wedding because it’s insane. I’ll get married at a courthouse some day, maybe we’ll be able to go somewhere nice for our honeymoon with the money we’ve saved.
@@sourgreendolly7685 Fr, I'd rather put a down payment on a small house than spend that much money on one day
Which is why when I'm having wedding, I'm saying it's fot my grandfather's birthday and separately hiring people to decorate it. And instead of ordering a wedding cake, order an extravagant birthday cake and buy your own topper. The minute organizers hear wedding, the price is gonna sky rocket
As a person that does not want to date or get married, the media from the anglosphere selling that your wedding day is the most important day of your life really annoys me. And what you mentioned about most character arcs finishing with them getting married is also upseting. It sends the message there is no other way to happiness than romantic love and it gives a completely secondary role to other human relationships such as friendship, which are very important in my life. Nevertheless, I must say that I feel way more pressured to get into a romantic relationship and get married since I moved from Spain to the UK. It is not that British people are criticizing me for deciding to stay single, but rather the fact that most people I know in Spain are single or at least not planning to get married while in the UK everyone I know seems to be married or desperately looking for "the one".
We got married at city hall and threw a party later. In addition to saving our own money, it didn't require our guests to buy special outfits or gifts. Worked out fine!
I’m so mad. I wanted a super lowkey wedding with just immediate family and maybe a friend or two. MY BOYFRIEND HAS 9 SIBLINGS. SEVERAL OF THEM HAVE KIDS. I only have one brother and he’s 16 😭.
Damn, good luck, ever since I started thinking of a wedding I have always wanted a No Children rule and I can't wait to see how many people will get upset about this ;)
The Next video you should do about the funeral industry...
Wish I could like this more than once. Srsly, all these "ceremonies of saying goodbye that are important to accept and move on" are exploited so hard, and if you refuse to do them (or can't because you're not shitting out dollars)... be prepared to be judges and, in some cases, fined.
The worst part is that they have lobbyists who push through actual laws forcing you to use their services.. The minimum costs are insane and if you can't afford it seriously screwed up situations ensue. In the area I just moved from they cremate the remains and store them indefinitely at the coroners office, literally holding your family member hostage until you pay. The last official count they released was three years ago and there were over fifty stacked in a closet, and it's not a large area, the county only has about 150k people. Basic respectful treatment of the dead should be a cornerstone of any civilized society.
"Do you want the super deluxe coffin with built in wifi for 10k? Or the "I hate my grandpa" discount casket made up of wood we found in the alley?"
"Grandpa would want the wi-fi..."
@@nicholasgutierrez9940 I think I heard that somewhere before.
My dad's ashes are still unburied after a year because of my mom's refusal to call the funeral home back, which I assume has to do with money. I have some... feelings about this.
This is why im calling my wedding a 'family gathering' to combat wedding markups
I'm a lesbian, and part of why I wanna wear a suit at my wedding is to avoid the expense of two wedding dresses. I doubt whoever I marry and I will really be able to afford the one
Great video the wedding industry is a disgustingly exploitative racket. Before we tied the knot my wife sat down with me and asked me "do you want a wedding or a marriage?" That more than anything confirmed i had made the right choice.
Why this video looks like a less chaotic version of something from contrapoints or philosophy tube lol
Also, really loving you channel!
Less aristocracy aesthetics (which is more than welcomed)
@@kostajovanovic3711 ikr
It reminds you of that because of the well done research and honest delivery, and of course the drinking (im saying that as someone who watched contrapoints, I cant really say about philosophy tube)
Imagine being 10 and introducing someone to your husband/wife.
Also all of the wedding superstitions sound like they were made up by people who spent way too much money and are now justifying their decisions.
34,000 dollars? Jesus, If I ever marry I hope whoever I do marry just wants to elope. Hell I'd rather just be alone than shell out that much.
I went to a wedding for the first time this summer and while it was beautiful, the thing I will always remember was the bride and groom’s speeches to eachother at the reception. Not the cake, flower, dresses or food.
I got an engagement ring ad on this video 🙃
I GOT TWO
"Because anything other than perfect, will be noticed."
I got a divorce advertisement 😶
@@casper7319 woof
Human beings are so easily manipulated...we need more vids like this
My take: Abolish marriage. It's a patriarchal and redundant. Love who you want, when you want, how you want. So long as it's between freely consenting, fully informed adults, it's all good fam.
Try raising a family this way.
How in the name of god is marriage patriarchal when women are the ones who gain the most from it lmao. But yeah, get rid of marriage, its a relic that has no place in modern society. I'm so sick of my parents asking me when I'm going to get a girlfriend/married.
@@FarawayStars you can raise children that way, if you raise them to be critical of these ideas and concepts.
Or at least, starting to do this when they have good reading and writing comprehension.
Wouldn't a better decision be dedicating at least one day of the month towards your love, why have it be one day and that's it.
This is a religious tradition that has turned into something meaningless now because people are becoming more and more selfish, self centered and cold hearted towards others. Not everyone views marriage this way.
Great points! I've been aware of this for as long as I can remember and I knew a "traditional" engagement and wedding wasn't something I wanted to do. My husband and I didn't get engaged and people found it so confusing when I told them we were getting married and I didn't have a ring. We had a 15-minute non-denominational ceremony in the garden of a notary office last year, I thrifted a burgundy dress for $50 and my husband wore a suit he'd had for years. We bought simple handmade redwood rings off Etsy, and our friend took photos with my DSLR. We ordered vegan pizza, opened a bottle of sake and watched Stranger Things after. It was great! And I've already re-worn my dress (to a friend's 15k€ wedding 😅).
“The US wedding market is so expensive”
Laughs in Indian
Laughs in Nigerian
I babysat at a dual filipino-catholic and indian hindu wedding. So going from a church venue to a rented out room in a casino in my area that can be bougie, and I was there for at least 10 hours I think. Indians don't fucking PLAY! At least the both their parents are hella rich, and the guy had a very good job
(Laughs in Lebanese)
Indians be shelling out for their week-long 500+ guestlist weddings 😂😂😂 I always tell my family I should rather take the money and run. My parents would be fine with that but theres too many extended family members that would be "insulted" at doing so.
its probably more in the third world. Wait the US is now third world.
Laughs in Pakistani
The only ring I want from someone is onion.
Onion ring gang rise up!
I thought bringing up limerence at the end of this video was so interesting, society makes such a big deal out of romantic love when really it’s such a transient feeling and can be pretty impersonal, I’ve felt this way about people I barely even liked for dumb reasons, like I liked their accent. The only thing that lasts in relationships are platonic forms of love but society really devalues platonic love. And women are definitely the ones who suffer the most because of this, since men can kind of get away with chasing this type of feeling.
If platonic love is devalued, then what's the point of developing an actual relationship with someone you loved the most?? There is a difference between people with deep loving, affectionate friendships vs. people with romantic/sexual relationships. I have a best friend who I known her about more than nine years. We went to the same middle school, high school, and college. When we hang out, I am very happy and excited to see her, but when we're separate, I feel lonely and depressed inside. We both miss each other a lot. Despite that, my best friend and I made really good memories. :)
I got married in the middle of the pandemic, we never wanted a big wedding anyway.. No engagement ring, only wedding rings, all the shops were closed so I wore the dress I already owned. I'm really happy that me and my now husband don't care about those things 😄
i wanna get married when im ready but dude there's no big point to these grand weddings- it's too expensive and it's quite the invasion of privacy. there's a part of me that wants it to be a grand party in realistic terms, and to get symbolic rings and whatnot, but still, it is so pointless and drains so much for the two people who desire to marry
I fell in love with a Swede and moved here two years ago. As an American, I’m used to being bombarded with images of huge diamond engagement rings. Mine is a plain white gold 2mm band as is tradition here. My wedding band will be a bit more ornate but still nothing like the ostentatious American ideals. I am happy and proud of my ring (and his, too, as men here also wear engagement rings that later serve as the wedding band). It’s beautiful and given with love. We will be eloping first in front of the judge and then on the edge of a cliff at my favorite place in the world, Ales Stenar. There we will exchange words of love between us and us alone. Weddings are not a circus or a spectacle. They are celebrations of love between two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together. Congratulations to you all and enjoy your weddings as the start of happy marriages!!!!❤️
Fiancé and I are getting married but decided to have the smallest wedding possible. We’ll just say our vows in front of friends and family and spend more money on the honeymoon.
I love how Salari's Video give me a free, comprehensible lecture about a specific topic I would have not known about / cared about otherwise!
I remember seeing this couple on TikTok who stated instead of doing a wedding, they saved up all that money to travel to many different places and created beautiful! This is honestly what I wanna do since I’m not the type of person who loves showing myself off to people and I remember seeing this couple on TikTok who stated instead of doing a wedding, they saved up all that money to travel to many different places and created beautiful! This is honestly what I wanna do since I’m not the type of person who loves showing myself off to people and i love exploring & learning about different cultures😄 wasting my money for something like this will be super fun & memorable instead of a dress that I won’t ever wear again or stressing over the ceremony.
Wait. Engagement photos have been a thing, for can confirm, at least he better half of the last century.
My parents had engagement photos in 1980. The choice photo was used in the engagement announcement in the newspaper.
working at a Dimond fair I was able to listen to an expert industry talk which debated how to emotionally bind people to real diamonds and how they must start ad campaigns to emphasise that only real natural child mined blood diamonds are truly saying I love you
A friend of mine wrote a whole thesis how the Dimond industry invaded the Chinese market - published magazines, even sponsored TV shows to introduce the engagement ring tradition - it wasn't a thing in china but the massive ad campaign worked and now there is a huge artificial market for it.
My best friend, who is the most frugal (cheap, she’s just cheap) person I’ve ever met, managed to have an actual wedding for around $1500 including her wedding dress! Her dream dress was $900 at David’s Bridal, however, there was a store an hour away that had it on clearance for $130 because somewhere on the dress there was an ink mark. Uh, the ink mark was in a seam on the waist that not a single person could ever see because there was a ribbon that went right over it. The location only cost $30 to rent, it was a community center on the beach that already had tables and chairs. She only needed another $30 for a permit to get married on the beach. The pastor was free. We bought several rotisserie chickens from Publix and sides that we reheated on site for about 60 guests. We went to a store called Old Time Pottery and we bought the items needed to make the decorations and bouquet. I made her dream bouquet from fake flowers that cost no more than a dollar each. We made boutonnières for the men and corsages for the bridesmaids. You would’ve never guessed how little money was spent walking into the reception. We spent a lot of hours of labor, but at the end of the day it was worth it. We all had fun, we became closer friends and it was such a memorable experience. Oh, the one thing that she couldn’t get out of discounting was the wedding cake. She got a 3 tier cake for $300, which in my opinion is fairly cheap for a wedding cake, but to her it might as well be $1000. Lol. Her brother is a music producer so he was the DJ and one of her friends was the photographer for free as her wedding gift. And honestly my friend only wanted certain things photographed by a professional.
This is so interesting! Also nice to see it being discussed. My partner and I are getting married in November (global situation permitting) and it's fun to hear all these ridiculous traditions and see which ones we bought into and which we didn't.
So far it's a yes to the very expensive white dress, and a no to diamonds (cubic zerconium) and my partner also has an engagement ring (engraved like a circuit board), both rings together cost less than £150. No to fruitcake (good God that tradition needs to die), and no to an engagement shoot.
It's quite interesting hearing your view though, because we're getting married in the UK where a lot of the laundry list seems more optional or at the very least is included in the venue hire rather than an additional cost. We are still spending a lot of money... but far less than we are (will... when we can) spend on the honeymoon.
Honestly I'm pretty chuffed about how much we're spending for what we're getting. As a child I really bought into the wedding ideas, I had a wedding scrapbook from the age of 8. I was exactly the child/teen that romcoms love and other genres laugh at. Turns out what when it comes to my own wedding I actually really don't care about all the things I was told/believed were important. If anyone has read all this way and is planning on getting married, trust me - focus on the things you really care about and feel free to ignore the rest!
The only bone i have to pick is fruitcake. Leave the good things alone! I need 5 at my wedding.
As a Photographer, I honestly feel the only thing worth paying for is Bride & Groom clothing & photography.
Everything else is SO inflated!!!
My Fiancé and I plan of having a garden party engagement party but when guests show up they’ll be told it’s actually our wedding 🤣
It’ll show us that the ones who really love us will be there as the people who don’t feel it’s important to come, won’t be there 🙂
My dress will be a white $300 prom dress and fiancé has had a navy suit from Target for YEARS!
We’ll only be spending the photographer ($4,000), Dress ($200 to $300), alcohol ($200?) and that seems to be it 🙂
I know not everyone can do this, but for people who can, heirloom jewelry is a great option for wedding rings. My wedding ring was my great grandmother's wedding ring. It's unique, I like it, and it was basically free for us. The only cost was getting it resized to fit my finger.
I was already not keen on the materialism of weddings, but this just... takes the cake 😎
Seriously though, wanting an extravagant wedding is kind of a deal-breaker for me. I do not want to reward this predatory industry with large amounts of money. The way they've invaded our culture to make abstaining from this seem cheap and callous is a little revolting to me.
EDIT: To be clear, I'm not against marriage in general. Just the "as expensive and big as possible" kind.
Im like this too, Id rather just have a smaller ceremony and a nice lunch in a restaurant with only the closest family and friends. Those gigantic weddings always felt kinda soulless
That is totally valid. We're not all keen on the "big and extravagant" celebrations, even if the wedding is meant to be a special day. We just need to realize (a bit more) that not all weddings are planned the same.
@@pezyg To me it's hilarious to see some USA/Indian weddings. Like how can you be inviting that many people, 200+? I DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT MANY PEOPLE.
It can be a beautiful celebration. I just think people should pay attention to details and having good taste. Some people are braiwashed by these marriage TV shows that estimulate people into disposable-like-fast-food weddings. So gross.
Love the smooth piano version of "Be My Baby" in the background. Fits well to your ironic presentation.
My boyfriend and I aren't going to get married anytime soon, but we've already agreed to making it a pretty small affair and cut costs down as much as possible. No diamond ring, no cake, and a dress that sits in the 100's, not 1000's, etc.
Not gonna lie, I do like the thought of a big, romantic wedding, but I really can't justify the costs of such an event.
It's about you and your partner, not a lavish display of wealth.
Wedding planning was one the most stressful things I’d ever done. The worst part is that you never realize you are getting scammed and when you figure it out it’s too late.
My bf and I have been talking about not wanting a wedding if/when we get married for exactly this reason
It's important that you use all that money for the memories of that one wedding day, instead of for a down payment on a house that will hold decades of memories.
Diamonds are (purposefully) overrated and kinda sketch. And if bingeing Four Weddings has taught me anything it's that big weddings are too much work
Had a courthouse wedding for just the marriage license fee. I wore a 20 dollar dress and my husband a 17 dollar shirt and some older pants he just had laying around. He gave me rings, 140 for the engagement and band and for his birthday I got him his wedding band that he chose which was 114. I wanted a traditional wedding at first but when I looked up how expensive it is even for a “simple”wedding we ditched the idea. I just wanted to be married to him, it took a wallet shock to realize I would be fine just being married without all the showmanship involved in it. I don’t regret not having a big wedding. We used the money saved to move into a better apartment and help with some of our bills. I’m so happy I’m not in debt over a wedding.
I worked in a bridal shop almost 20 years ago... agreed, wedding industrial complex
Got married in 2019. My husband and I had talked about getting married prior to our engagement and I picked out my engagement ring. It was $100 and it's opal set in silver. It's exactly what I wanted. And yet most women that I showed it too during my engagement reacted with what I can only describe as pity. And I don't blame them. They were clearly indoctrinated into the "if he doesn't buy you a $10K diamond, he doesn't love you" school of thought. It was just...ugh, so shitty to see.
My wife and I only got married at the courthouse. Weddings are a waste of money.
Very true. For my brothers wedding I cut costs by negotiating and asking for “Covid” friendly packages. This is the best time to shop for immediate elopements. The full wedding with ceremony/reception/open bar/center pieces by (fl) beach: $2,000. We were allowed to bring in what ever cake we wanted and flowers. We shopped at a grocery store for flowers 💐 and wrapped them up with dollar store tape-it looked professional. When we shopped for the cake we said it was for a birthday party 🥳 but the baker caught on and still gave us the same rate as a bday party. However (prior) I did experiment myself . I asked a random bakery for a wedding cake and it was $500 but for a bday $30-50max. That’s why I decided to say” bday” from that point on. We bought fruits and the chef 👩🍳 at the venue agreed to cut it for us with the cake. It was amazing how everything was pulled together as a secret wedding shopper.
Wedding tax is because os emotional excision from unruly family and brides. If you a nice easy client they will make the price cheaper because if no drama.
@@XxHeavensXAnglexX really I had no idea! Yeah , we are a super easy going family. We were extremely thankful of the food/service. We definitely could not believe we could pull a full wedding in less than a month with almost little to no budget. Which by the way my brother only paid a total of $275 . We all shipped in to make it special for him. 💕For him it was basically free, but we all felt that he deserved a nice day.
My parents got married in their living room. They're still together over 30 years later
two of our ten fingers are named for the expectation and normalization of Marriage
Yeah. I don't need to have an extremely big and expensive wedding. But my parents want it to be big regardless because its "tradition". Even though we can't afford :/
I dont mean to Interfere in your personal stuff but one good advice i got on this subject was: if someone else wants your wedding to be more than you can or want to spend let them pay for it. they will quickly change their mind.
Hope your wedding will be Great and with you a happy marriage!
Weddings from when I was a kid gave me so much anxiety, I hate being around so many people I don't really relate to in anyway, it honestly fills me with anxiety now seeing the footage of weddings from this and imagining I might have to do that and everyone expects me to, and if I don't have a big lavish one then I'll be judged on multiple levels by my family or the bride's. I hate that we have invented a thing everyone is supposed to do where they basically pretend to be rich for one day.
As an aromantic person, just wanna say thanks for the title
wait you're smelly?
btw i'm not trying to be rude i know what aromantic means
@@danieljamieson4353 yeah i know i laughed at that
This piano version of Lovefool playing in the background is superdistracting. Now it will sit in my head for the rest of the day. THANKS!
trying to tie wealth to love is so gross 😬😬
You say that, but then try to be married to someone with a gambling addiction or who is terrible with money.
I spent 8k on my wedding. In the Latin American community we have our family sponsor our weddings. There’s a cake sponsor, a few music sponsors, venue, dress, flowers etc.
Thank you for the great points you make in this video. I just wanna say (as someone who will likely elope if I do get married and don’t even think I want my family there)... liking any of those things doesn’t make you shallow either. Not liking or wanting them seems to give some people a real chip on their shoulder. It just shouldn’t be an expectation or comparison game that knocks people back significant amounts of money, and there shouldn’t be an entire predatory industry that relies on propaganda to get people to consume. Do what you want for you and the person you love.
There just seems to be a weird overcompensation, a not like other girls thing that happens though, in the other direction, where people almost need to tell everyone how much they didn’t care about doing all that, which makes me kinda roll my eyes as much as people who compare how much people spent on the ring more than even the idea of being engaged.
TL:DR, if you want something beautiful and to remember, that’s up to you what it looks like, and I agree the hyperconsumption and profit incentive involved with weddings is unethical as hell.
Completely agree. So frequently I see a sort of race to the bottom where people are like "Well I got married for 2k on the beach in old flip flops," "Well I got married in a backyard BBQ in a dress I stitched together with old towels," "Well I got married at the courthouse in sweats and ate McDonald's after because I'm the coolest cool girl to ever cool" The point is that people shouldn't feel pressured to participate in big lavish weddings to validate their relationship, but we shouldn't shame the ones who do want those things. Big weddings don't automatically equal superiority, but then neither do small weddings. Everyone should just do what makes them happy
@@casper7319 exactly. I’m 100 percent for people defining what makes something special and sentimental for them but it still just feels like they have something to prove.
You nailed it. The wife and I tried to keep it as stress free and as cheap as possible by simply going with a package deal at a hotel. We made our own table decorations, I thrifted a Brooks Brothers suit for $8, and we rented speakers and just plugged a laptop in with a Spotify playlist in lieu of a dj which I recommend everyone do. Hell, I handed my groomsmen $40 each and told them to get a haircut and shave wherever as the price for wedding day haircuts was nuts had we all walked into one place together. The wedding was great and I’m glad we did it , but we still knew it was dumb money to spend for a fancy party.
My wedding and reception cost about $4000 of which the rings were the most expensive at $800 and the dress was $500 ... was the perfect day :)
And this is why my fiance and I are eloping.
We have gotten so much crap for not wanting and spending a small fortune on a "normal" wedding. It's our day, it's going to be what we want and what we want is to spend the day together, just the two of us.
I tried for literal years to plan a "normal" wedding but procrastinated it for 5 years because I just dreaded it which made me feel awful because I love my fiance. Once we decided to elope, I was able to get excited for it. I can honestly say I'm really excited for my "wedding" day!
My Fiancée and I are the least traditional people. We are doing what the hell we want lol. I will be buying a bomb $50 dress. We are having a small guest list, and we are not concerned with people feelings. Our budget is $2000-$2500. We are building wealth over here, not a fantasy for other people.
"you need to get married within 90 days of entering the country" so i take it you haven't heard about 90 Day Fiance
"Normalise wearing wedding dresses." I've believed this for years, glad to see someone else finally said it.
For a stone on a ring you could use lapis or carnelian which have these really beatiful and vibrant colors.
Or you could get a diamond that just looks like extra shiny glass and is possibly mined by African orphans.
Pink moonstone is pretty as well and so is peridot shit even the least expensive types of opals lol
Sadly, If you had made a too low key wedding USCIS would have questioned the legitimacy of your union.
I never understood the appeal of luxury for luxury itself and nothing else.
TIL: Get married on one of your birthdays! That way, you don't even have to lie!
My dad told his Spanish class that you should *always* plan your wedding for a close relative's birthday so you don't forget -- My parents got married on his dad's birthday!
My fiancé and I will just marry at a courthouse on a whim. I’m kinda shy and I get social anxieties when it comes to throwing a wedding party.
We will just trade friendship bracelets, take our own pics (yay tripods), & do a food takeout. 🥰
I wonder if this will be Salari's acting debut because I am absolutely here for it
ngl I was expecting a Thomas Vinterberg style scene halfway through the video.
As someone getting married, I am totally flabbergasted by what people spend. Like I just don't understand AT ALL. People are spending thousands on table set up. People are getting second jobs to afford the flowers they want. All for one day that, if we are being honest, most people won't even remember. I've been to a lot of weddings over the years and they all just sort of blend together in my mind. Its not just guests either. When asked I've had multiple people mention they don't remember where exactly they got married or what they ate, etc.
We are just going to the courthouse. It'll be like $50. Screw anyone who tries to tell me otherwise.