disconnecting from the gay community.
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- Опубліковано 9 вер 2024
- Wake up with "morning glory", the new podcast hosted by Brad Evans.
episode 4, basically one big introspection on me and my identity, how it’s changed, and acceptance of it. thanks Kacey
Brad I’m half way through and I relate so much to everything you say. I’m from back end Cornwall, got out and went to uni in the 90’s, came back and was labelled ‘stuck up, outspoken, rocking the boat’ because I stood up for what I believe is right. I’ve actually had to cut out some family members out due to their homophobic, racist views, its a relief to not have them in my life anymore. I’m the change I want to see and so are you. Keep speaking up and keep being you ❤️ x
Thank You for talking about this. Being a black woman I have always felt like I’ve had to change myself around certain people and environments, it becomes second nature when you do it all your life unfortunately. I’m currently going through a stage where I have to figure out who I am. This video really put some things into perspective for me🩷
I grew up in a small town in central Wisconsin in the 60s. Small town people are very plain and ordinary and people from large cities looked down on us and I felt like I had to learn to put on a different face and voice when I was around big city people. I learned to fit in but it wasn't the real me. Looking back, I am a different person at work than I am back home with my family, out in public, social engagements, with my regular friends, with my gay friends. I'm so many different people I don't think anyone really knows the real me? Sometimes I wonder if there is a real me?
I've always said that it's bizarre that we currently live in the culture that's trying to convince us that normal human needs like seeking attention/validation and caring what other ppl think about us, are "bad" and "harmful". Humans are social creatures. This is a part of our biology. We aren't meant to be 100% independent in everything. We need each other. And seeking validation is a part of that.
It only becomes a problem when you chase approval and validation so fiercely that it actively becomes self-destructive or even harmful to others.
It feels good receiving validation and attention from others and that is NORMAL.👌
Same. There are some family members that unfortunately needed to cut off as an adult. What’s actually crazy is the level of gaslight through the years: “it’s your family you need to tolerate this blablabla”… I found out through a diary of my 8 year old self that my instincts were right. At 8 years old I already despised certain behaviors because these family members were critiquing my friends and the community that I grew up in. Nowadays being an adult and having the power to spend time with the ones you choose is something to be treasured and protected. Thank you Brad for sharing your thoughts ❤
I'm trans and from a small town in Georgia (US), and I get a lot of what you mean. I unfortunately can perform queerness at my lowest setting, and still be perceived as excessively hyperqueer to the people where I'm from. Acceptability politics are different for everyone, and social performance changes from space to space. Sometimes embodying queerness can be exhausting when the people around you want less of it, or equally exhausting if the people around you want more of it. I still give huntyslay levels of queerness either way, so I just accept that my level of queer social performance is going to change based on where I am, and that doesn't diminish who I am.
Brain freeze from a facemask is chaotic! so excited for this episode
Yes, please do an episode on your dance/ballet school experience!
I really think you’d appreciate Skam Norway. Specifically season 3. It discusses sexuality and not fitting into what is “stereotypically gay”.❤ I love your podcasts. You have so many insightful thoughts.
"The only constant is change". Coming out/being Authentic is a 24/7 process, from determining what to wear today to "can I camp in front of the grocery clerk?". Who we show our Authentic Self to is a constant choice. At the same time, being shown someone's Authentic Self is a PRIVILEGE. It's an important topic.
This was a great episode Brad, thanks for talking about this. One of the things I've observed in my life is, that most people in a position of privilege (esp with respect to race) won't speak up whether it be in public or private. What this means is so many of us are walking around tolerating really unacceptable behaviour from the people closest to us, and it's the reason why it takes so long for social mores to change. Holding family members accountable for their behaviour is an extremely hard thing to do, so kudos to you for standing your ground and sticking to your values.
11:58 You’re so real for mentioning this: There’s such a misunderstanding of social media and its role in general, only one narrative of ‘it is destroying society’ and that seeking validation is seen as ‘needy’.
Thank You for this Brad. You’re wise beyond your years.
In regards to people being different in certain situations. I think that can apply to everyone being that we might present ourselves a little differently after reading the room.
You just appeared in my feed on UA-cam today. I thoroughly enjoyed this episode. As a 65 year old gay man living in rural central Georgia USA, your story of growing up in the country is totally relatable for me. You are so self aware and speak for so many of us. Thank you!
Thank you Brad for this because as a POC and as a person who dont have their own voice on a platform, thank you for your kind words. 28:34
Brad I’m so glad that you’ve decided to share through this podcast, it’s become my favorite to listen to.
I’ve identified with so many of the things you’re saying. I’m currently in my first year of uni and I’m struggling with finding likeminded people who I truly connect with, other than my best friend who I’m lucky to have.
I agree that as queer ppl we have to learn to be chameleons, and everyone likes to add their two cents and it doesn’t help that I am so young and don’t even truly know what I want.
Anyway, I don’t know how to fully convey to you how much I appreciate you sharing, you always make me laugh and today I felt very validated so thank you
When you’re talking about changing or adapting around different people …. I fully agree … often it’s referred to ‘coding’ so you present different forms of yourself in different atmospheres
These first couple of episodes have felt like very casual, friendly ted talks and on a sunday morning with my first coffee has me thinking all week, because diet isn't what you eat it's who you spend your time on, listen to and watch. Last week you mentioned the man blocking your way and I've (and many other women) have had that situation constantly and it fed me all week. This week I'll be absently thinking about what our responsibility to ourselves is and what we allow to take, sometimes unhealthy from others into our diet. Looking forward to next week
21:21 Trixie Mattel has a story like this too: Her stepfather would call her Trixie when she was more femme IRL
So glad your doing this podcast and YT version now - been a long time Brad fan - honestly just hearing your thoughts on whatever is as fun as the reviews and themed videos 🫶🏼
You are DEFINITELY not alone in this. I used to be like my family, but as I got more educated and learned more about the world, I drastically changed to be the total opposite of my family. I used to be in the family and now considering as I’m 26 and still live with them, I’m the outcast. Everyone in my family is the same except for me. They also may say things that used to fly, and I growing up didn’t know better, but now that I do, I call out the racism and judgment of them. They also have deep anger management problems and always have, and me as a pacifist, hearing them solve issues with screaming and yelling, also takes its toll. Now, I have to live with them, because I’m not an independent person at all, and I also have Autism, which is also its own issue, but as a person of the LGBT community I completely agree with you, Brad!!! This NEEDED to be said!
You should really check out 'hi Ren' by Ren. It's about his struggles with mental illness and auto immune disease. The constant battle in your mind between right and wrong. May not be your vibe but I'm unsure. I struggle with severe mental illness so it resonates with me but I feel like it relates to anyone that struggles mentally.
Another one he does that is really good is 'money game pt2' the lyric video specifically. Really really good and talks about issues in the world
Re: the family stuff, a HUGE lesson for me over the last few years has been that family is a group of people who take care of each other - that's it. If people don't fit that definition, you don't owe them anything just because they're blood relatives. And the people who do fit that definition won't think less of you for thinking differently than they do.
I think that building a good relationship with one’s own self is a life journey that is very important to address. Nothing is going to feel right or good until one is a good, kind friend with oneself, through the struggles of trying to be a better human. Thank you for sharing and keep up the good work ❤
Brad I could honestly listen to you all day. You are so good with your words - keep being you because we are all loving the pod🫶🏼
Black, white , gay, straight, who the f*** cares just mind your business. It's got nothing to do with anyone else how a person chooses to live their life, as long as their happy and they're not hurting anyone just let people be free to be themselves. Stop judging everyone who is in 'your mind' different to you just because you don't understand it. All of us need love, all of us need to feel needed or desired or safe and it shouldn't matter where we go to find it. The best thing you can ever be is yourself and the best thing you can ever do is support the ones around you who try to do the exact same thing......❤
Gosh, I relate to so much of this. Sometimes when I go back home, I feel like I'm kinda betraying myself and others by not speaking up about some things, but it is just so exhausting to always be the "difficult" one. I also sometimes feel weirdly praised or "rewarded" for acting more straight, and while that is true to who I am, I hate that some people see that as a positive thing (instead of just a neutral one) at the expense of more feminine gay people. It doesn't really feel like progress if the marginalisation is just directed at an even smaller minority within the minority.
On the other hand, being non-binary I sometimes feel like my gender identity would be taken more seriously if I was more effeminate, but that's just not who I am. I refuse to change the way I am just to more comfortably fit people's idea of a non-binary person (or whatever else). All in all, these are tricky things, and will surely be a lifelong process.
Brunch and Iced coffee in bed...and ofc "morning glory" ....perfect quiet, selfcare sunday I'd say! 💖
after almost watching your content for 2 years i find it amazing that i can relate to you on so many things, growing up in yorkshire as a young queer person and wanting to “appear” straight to everybody else is constantly what i see as the main goal but this has helped me to realise that that is not the truth, amazing episode, keep up the amazing vids❤️❤️
I would like to say I really appreciate you because you speak your truth and for all the teenagers that experience those discriminations that feel alone because nobody reassure them you are so reassuring and interesting
Brother, I know exactly what you are talking about. I know you don’t know me, but I’ve been watching your videos for three years now you are so sweet and funny and interesting and talented and valid and so many of us know exactly what you’re talking about. You are not alone. It’s hell out there, keep fighting the good fight. ❤
the first line in this podcast i didn't relate to was "i still love them, but i [disagree with my family]" (paraphrased). i'm personally at a point where i don't have love & compassion for most of my family, immediate or otherwise. except perhaps warm and nostalgic memories. i've kinda exceeded all my resources when it comes to combatting bigotry & brainwashing and gave up cause it's just not worth it. it sucks but it is what it is.
funny thing is, finding your chosen family is also pretty difficult for internal and external reasons. building "bridges" to different "islands" takes time and effort. i wonder if the approach of pushing yourself to be content, as mentioned in the video, is the way to go. self awareness is cute, but i'd say renee rapp hit the nail on the head when she said delusion is the way to cope and achieve lol. imma try tapping into that i guess
Don't know how da fork you appear in my recomendations with the same stuff that happens in my life EVERY SING TIME, but well, i had to go to the restroom the other day in my work so I could cry, i was listening to the new Ari's album, and i was vibbing and stuff and them BANG, "Imperfect for you" starts, and it just made me cry in the first chorus, i was not even paying attention to it, but yes, that happend...
As a black, trans person I absolutely understand the “chameleon survival instinct” you’re talking about. Look up code-switching!
Hi!
I love you and your content
Leaving home has allowed you to grow, to fill your vessel. Your well is deeper. A well is a reservoir, usually of water. But a well can be a reservoir of knowledge, of understanding, of tolerance.
I relate to every topic in this video, are you me? 😂
Im from a small town, I still live there, and I totally get everything you said. I'm trying to make more of an effort to call out what I see. I've never been any kind of 'phobic'. But I've never called it out either, never spoken up. I'm straight and one of the pin bages on my handbag is a prideflag/transflag that says 'you are safe with me' (I'm aware people may have mixed feelings on this). I got a dirty look aimed at the badge from a woman in a queue in front of me. In the past i would have ignored her but I made a point of semi-politely asking 'do we have an issue'. Safe to say she wasn't expecting to be questioned 😂
I was also a dancer. I attended dance lessons from the age of 2 up to age 20. I took it as far as I could in the Dance Association I was a part of, all the exams etc. And i 100% believe this fed into my want for reassurance. For years I would need others confirmation of a 'job well done'. I stopped dancing when I was 20 and it took years to break that 'habit'.
I even relate to you talking about finding where you fit. Not LGBTQIA+, and I'm 33, but still trying to work out who I really am and shake off the person I was when I was younger. I definitely found myself changing to fit into my friendship group in my late teens and I'm still working through that now. 10 years ago I cut off all contact with my dad and his side of the family because the relationship with them was toxic, and even recently I've done the same with some friends.
Finally yes, Rishi is an absolute TWAT.
Never apologise for getting passionate about topics that matter ❤
Your family might not understand or appreciate you being so politically outspoken, but I promise you that there will be people out there who will see you doing that and they will love you for it even more.
Trust me, as a fellow black sheep of the family - mine knows I’m always going to talk about political dynamics and call things out, which they hate. My dad used to always tell me that I should have been a lawyer because all I knew how to do was argue, and I always “go straight for the jugular”. But I’ve also made so many good friends doing exactly that same thing who have become part of my chosen family, and they not only love it when I speak about political dynamics, they encourage me to be even louder.
Also? Being loud and political is what got me noticed by Good Morning America. They put me on the billboard in Times Square one time talking about feminism and immigration’s role in literature.
This was honestly very interesting and nice to hear, we had an exchange with some brits from dear Scarbados which is obv not the biggest town and also in North Yorkshire. They seemed to use very ”free” (edgy 💀) language, jokes and just be very immature, use horrible language about women, not care that much about cheating and kind of be homophoby etc. We could not for the life of us figure out what made them that way and why we felt as if we were interacting with like 14-15 y/o Swedes (We’re all 17-19). My Swedish town is a bit smaller than Scarbarough and also northern and although some groups are edgier than others, I would say that the level is not the same as for the brits.
It could be because we are more of a ”talk behind peoples back” country so we usually stfu and say stuff only to our friends lol. But idk, good to know the talk aint the same all over Britain and that people usually grow a lot once they’re out of 6th form. You’ve made it clearer.
Also lol, do you also think it’s weird to change in a changing room? Like be naked in a normal changing room with other people?
It’s always nice to tune into a new episode.
I can really reatle to this !!! It something I really need hear
Hi Brad. I'm interested in hearing more about how your training focused on what your body was doing, and how that has impacted you in your life. Was it something professors commented on? Did your peers? Were you taught to study other peoples movements?
Thanks!
This was soooo nice 🩵✨🪽 loved it. ☀
ah tell me about it. I work as a drag artist and omg it’s difficult to manage these gay spaces and staying/discovering yourself. Not letting these big personalities around you influence your own not small personality… quite a bit of a struggle
I 100% relate to trying to find a place to fit in in the gay scene. Growing up in the same situation family wise with derogatory comments from all of my close family definitely affected how I act as a gay man today. I personally cut off my family members who refused to consider the minorities thoughts and feelings that they were making fun of. It has brought me a lot more peace and isn’t as “draining” to have people like that in my life anymore.
20secs ago is WILD. I was waiting for this a little too eagerly 🤡
Nice video! I would love to hear about your past in ballet :)
Love this episode.
The episode is definitely not all over the place. It felt validating.
Good for you, Brad. You have every right to speak up for yourself and for other minorities. I also have that same role in my family and it isn't always fun but I will not and cannot stay silent. Just know that we love you and support you
Content - Contentment
Contentious - Contention
Brad is baby girl 💚
Thanks for this video and every word you said. ✨
I really enjoyed this episode🫶
this was really interesting!
20:15 Emmerdale/Coronation Street
Love this episode! I cut with the family of my fathers (my uncle and grandparents), because of their narcisstic behaviours. Yes i miss my dad (he died by suicide when i was little), but no i dont have to visit his grave everyday to think of him and no that doesnt make me a bad daughter! Yes, my job is not aesthetic or "nice looking", but i like taking care of people who need help and no that doenst make me less a woman! And no i dont want to pick your drunk (my uncle was 38 years old at that time! i was 19!) ass a 30minutes drive away from a party so that you can touch me again or whatever, because you have no more money left for a taxi at 3am, because i need to go to work in 2 hours and no i am not an asshole because of that! And yes i am going to marry a man from Turkey F*** you all! Saying bye to them all was the best thing ever! i feel free! Blood, in my oponion, does not make a family! Love is! And i am heterosexual and 34 years old and a mother. But i really am figuering out who i am who i wanna be how i want to present myself if i like another tattoo/piercing or is that just for younger people without children and stuff. As i write this down it sounds so idiotic because i want my daughter to stand up for what she wants and for who she is etc but i dont know if it is "right" for me to get another piercing :D weird but normal i guess?!
❤❤ growth ✨️ ❤❤
👏🏻
SEXY BRAD IS BACK
How the fuck can someone get disconnected from the gay community?? It's not a club
Did you watch the video..?
sundays are no longer boring❤️🩹