This actually made me super sad. And to make things worse, this disease is not that uncommon, so people are dealing with this existential turmoil everyday...
You can see the sadness in the last few paintings; he remembers that there was once a person where he sits, yet he can't comprehend what happened. He wasn't happy or bliss, he was crumbling and couldn't even do anything about it. The absolute disorientation and pure agony is so perfectly and crushingly portrayed in the last pictures. This is so sad yet beautiful.
btw last painting shown in the video is not his last work, his last work is much much much more disturbing, search it up, W.Utermohlen Self Portrait - Head with coffee stain, 2001
@@pomoy356 Yep, his 2000 to 2001 art pieces truly are saddening. His final “painting” shows he doesn’t even remember his own face...it’s just a horrific blob of graphite to him. It’s called Erased Head 1.
God this makes me so disheartened. As an artist myself, the realization that this might one day happen to me is utterly terrifying and tragic. He knows where his core features are, his mouth, eyes, nose, ears, ect. And yet, with each passing stage, he loses that perceived knowledge more and more. It scares me, almost to the point of a phobia, but I guess the recollection of him even knowing where those things are calms me
@@ShrexualTension Perhaps it's rational to not fear death, but if we discussed that we would enter in technical terms not adequate to a UA-cam commentary section.
That final sketch has resonated with me... This amazingly talented artist forced to forget his phenomenal talents. He forgot who he even was, what he was doing. That final sketch is what he saw of the hollow husk that was left of him.. its really sad. He lived for another 7 years before dying. That was the last drawing he ever done in his life
My grandpa passed away from dementia and it’s terrifying seeing someone just forget who they are and how to do basic human things we take for granted. 2023 update: My grandma(his wife) is now pretty deep into Parkinson’s and dementia. She’s deteriorating more and more each day and now has to wear diapers. She is going to a long term care facility soon. I can’t even begin to explain the fear and immense sadness I feel for her and my family.
My grandfather passed away due to dementia too. It's really terrifying seeing someone like that, but also really painful. When he was in his late stages, he was like nothing but an empty void because he had lost himself completely. I'm sorry about your grandfather and hope that you have recovered or are recovering from it as well
@@TheNightWatcher1385 the thing is when you realize that you don't want to live that way is probably too late to be capable of doing anything, even dying. Maybe you can ask a loved one to kill you but it's unlikely to happen.
If I start forgetting a little more than minor things I'd end myself right there, had a grandma with alzheimers as a child, I always cried when seeing her
Luckily in some places assisted suicide is legal thats what im going to do if i ever get really bad health wise they basically just put you to sleep and then administer you a lethal amount of drugs so you die peacefully in your sleep then death is the easy part
Yeah but humans have a fear of dieing so it's like saying Breath underwater And that's possably where the fear of Alzheimers comes from as well Wanna live? Get Alzheimers Wanna die? Then die I think the salutation is just do everything that you can in life.
The fact that he deliberately chose to document his progression through these artworks means that he probably knew exactly what was going to happen to him... and that somehow makes it even sadder :(
Yep, he knew. After his diagnosis he decided to paint himself to show the world the damage that dimensia does. This video, this album, is scarier than any horror movie, because it happens, to you, me or anyone. No one is invinsible.
Guys, it wasn't actually him who decided to paint his Alzheimer's progression. The idea was from a nurse that attended the painter and decided to make him paint a portrait of himself every few days.
@@TedMerc It's like a horror movie... slowly forgetting everyone you love and care about... losing everything... knowing you're dying mentally, yet still choosing to draw until... you... forget. And the worst part is it's real. It happens to people everywhere, all the time. And we take memory for granted. Fools are we, taking everyday things and people we love for granted, while some people are becoming shells of their former selves. They're scared and lonely. And we don't know. It's terrifying to imagine that. It can target anyone, while we are all unaware... until it happens to someone we love. That's why I'm so scared of it. (Edit: sorry for writing a whole ass paragraph)
That one picture at 5:50. It is distorted, but you can see that he had a depressed face back then. Considering the fact that he was drawing a self-portrait using a mirror, he was sad when he was doing it. He knew that one day he will never be able to remember who he is, or why he is in his own house, but he can't do anything to stop it. And that's why he is crying. That broke my heart.
He doesn't look particularly happy in any of these images, but that one's definitely the worst. It's the one right before it stops looking like a human face, too. I'm also freaked out by the background- it's clearly supposed to be something but I'm not sure what. His room maybe? What bothers me is that in the last image, you can still see what looks like fear or sadness on what's left of his face. It also bothers me that it's the only one that's not in colour. So he either forgot to colour it or was too far gone to colour it.
@@theworldoflivvy3150 I've seen the website about him, and it turns out that's just a sketch and nothing more. There's actually one more after that one, though. It's blurry, and he had tried to erase it. There's only the face's outline. A single, blurry, erased line.
As an artist who was diagnosed with psychosis, I really relate to these kinds of drawings/paintings - but they also terrify me equally as much as they intrigue me. I'm afraid of one day aging and my art becoming like this.
I had an old lady order from me at my resturant from a retirement home and I was the delivery driver. What I did not know when taking the order was that she has Dementia. She could barely remember the names of the items she was trying to order, and she could not give specific details of her nursing home and repeatedly said "I forget the name." I drove 20 minutes to her location, could not find her anywhere according to her instructions, called her several times with no answer until she eventually picked up and gave me more vague instructions coupled with a bunch of "I don't remember" and "I forget the name." Until eventually I was starting to have a panic attack from the stress and called my boss to contact the lady. An old man, her husband answered and said she had not been home for a great while and had no clue she had ordered food or where she was or when she would be back. This was two days ago, right at the peak of my interest in Everywhere at the End of Time. I was quite disturbed by all of this...
@@cozz124 it's a condition caused by brain disorders such as dementia or a stroke, a person experiencing it will die in the same week of any day. It's kinda the moment before the death where they regain consciousness before death.
@@SomeGuyOnYT it’s like some kind of saying goodbye to your family one last time thing that dementia does and it kind of let’s up and has some mercy and sympathy.
Me, aged 98, ravaged with Allheizmers and saying my final words “DING DING DING DING DING DING DIGN DING, DING DING DING, AMONG US IN REAL LIFE, DING, AMING US IN REAL LIFE SPACESHIP WITH MY CREW BABY”
Since we’re all afraid, here’s some steps to take later in life to lower the risk of dementia: Eat healthy, cut down on candy and fast food Exercise regularly, 150 minutes of moderate cardio and strength training per week Take long walks to clear your head. Doing it with someone else is even better Learn to de-stress. Don’t overwork yourself and practice stress relief activities like deep breathing, playing with a pet or reading. Stay social into your old age. Take exercise classes rather than doing it on your own, and spend time with your friends. Learn a new skill. Lean a language, play an instrument, get a new hobby, as long as you’re keeping your brain active. Do puzzles such as sudoku, math, crosswords, memory games, etc. Get quality sleep.
I walk. That's basically it. I'm an artist that's pretty much an isolationist. I suffer from dissociation symptoms and psychosis and I'm terrified of dying this way... Slowly.
If you look at his paintings from the early 90s, you will see that he liked to paint scenes depicting conversations and gatherings with his friends, family, and cats; sometimes with himself included. However the one constant across all of the paintings was his wife. Not only was she featured in every painting, but she would be positioned in the paintings in such a way that she'd be a point of focus. Many of the health professionals that worked with William theorized that his love for his wife and his emotional attachment to her were the only things keeping him rooted in the real world; in reality. Utermohlen wanted to remember his wife above all else, so he would purposely make her the center of attention in all of his works. This also suggests that Utermohlen must have been suffering from Alzheimer's induced dementia for quite some time before his diagnosis. It just breaks my heart; he and his wife must have loved each other greatly. Not only did Uternohlen lose his mind, but his wife witnessed it firsthand.
What’s crazy about the last one is you can still see the technical skill in there a little. There are planes of the face that are almost shaded correctly.
@@TriggerHappyThoughts Terminal Lucidity is when a dementia patient's brain makes an unexpected return of mental clarity and memory, the brain's last desperate attempt at remembering something, _anything_ . The bad news is that it only happens when the patients are nearing death. You'd be lucky if it comes gradually so you'll have at least a few weeks of lucidity, but most cases had them happen rapidly - which means that you're only have a few hours left. The last portrait could represent that - his desperate attempt at remembering who he was one last time. You can see some degree of technical skill which was absent on his previous work, likely due to his memories returning to him gradually. There are no reports of Utermohlen experiencing Terminal Lucidity before his death, but after seeing that one last portrait of him I hope that he had at least a few weeks of him remembering who he was.
@@youraverageguy4930 Not everything its about memories, people with dementia stop drawing because they loose motor function, The biggest part of dementia its the loose of cordination between the brain and the nervous system. causing impariment to draw. He knows how to draw, has the concepts of it and what to do, but he can´t, because the brain and nervous system stop working in symphony to help him. Dementia its not some weird mental illness related to identity or something, people with dementia don´t loose who they are, they loose their ways of expression, they can´t produce sentences even if they have the idea in mind, they can´t draw because the body no longer its in tune with the brain, and this also applies to memories.
imagine how it would feel, every year you lose a quarter of your memories, i feel so bad for people who have this disease, my great grandma had it, we also have alot of passed down diseases in our family, and my grandma's getting it now, this is scarier then alot of stuff i've seen, i listened to everywhere at the end of time myself, and like others, i cried at the end.
Lucky for me dementia is rare in my family. Everyone dies of cancer in my family. Still a bad way to go but at least you don’t lose all your memories and identity.
I believe I had a sense of this, I was sleep-deprived with little to no sleep for three days in a 24hr CAD lab in an empty university working on coursework. During that time, I started to hear whispers, laughing and banging, when there wasn't a soul about, the brain trying to fill in sounds that were clearly not there at night. During the day, after drinking copious amounts of caffeine, my body could not sustain the lack of sleep anymore, rested my head for a brief moment, woke up abruptly in a 24hr CAD lab, with no sense of self, who I was, why I was here, what I was doing - it freaked me out and I started to panic. My now girlfriend who seen me couldn't understand what was going on, I couldn't recognise her, that I had a dazed look and it freaked it her out too. The whole episode took 40 minutes for me to start to recover, for my memories to ebb back again, scariest moment of my life. Never again.
@@thebrownmantapesthenewchan2206 Yeah I'm being more careful now but I believe I had stress-induced memory loss from that time as well - Uni days are a bit of a blur. The reason I know this is my girlfriend who was with me throughout university constantly brings up events and situations where I've completely forgotten or half-remembered.
@@thebrownmantapesthenewchan2206 I have severe insomnia and a few dementia that I dont know. I cannot even draw my face in one shot. I don't know what is the making of my house, what year was it made, anything. My memories are slowly fading away every year. Please help me.
this video has more impact than the original one. Because it really shows the artist's artworks from when he was healthy and good at creating artworks to where he was struggling from remembering stuff and trying to bring that same creativity he had before.
As an artist, the thought of this happening to me one day is horrifying. I'm diagnosed with Autism, and I hear that autistic adults are typically more prone to Parkinson's, which can cause Lewy Body Dementia. Now, neither Dementia nor Parkinson's run in my family, but I can't help but feel scared. I already have quite a bad memory, so I'm not even sure if I'd notice something is wrong until it's too late. If I ever get diagnosed with Parkinson's, I'm probably offing myself right then and there before I develop Dementia.
i feel you, i have autism and i am also an artist and hearing for the first time that when i'm an adult i'll probably be more prone to getting stuff- yikes (is this even true?)
@@everquartz I think it is, since they both affect chromosome 21, but truthfully a lot of autistic people happen to have autoimmune diseases and such so the study that I'm referencing might have not taken those into account
You are also probably having non-diagnosed health anxiety disorder. If you fear for this chronic conditions, do something now. most are related to bad health lifestyle choices and commorbities. prevent them and you might have a peaceful ending.
The last one kinda looks like he was desperately trying to remember who he was, and he got really irritated with it and gave up after only drawing a portion of the portrait.
he seems like forgetting the art style of his art work,as the stages progress he continues to forget about it but still doing it,until he forgot about the portrait
No, he looses motor function to draw. he can´t draw, like suddenly not being able to ride a bicycle when you had all your life, maybe you have the entire basic concept to ride the bicycle, but your brain and nervous system no longer works for you to express and act upon this. Dementia its not loosing your identity or some weird mental illness, its neurological, it impairs the person physically, more than mentally.
Tfw you have alzheimers and forget everything about yourself and your family, yet you still cant forget Shawty's like a melody, so you suffer, your brain going "SHAWTY'S LIKE A MELODY IN MY HEAD THAT I CANT KEEP OUT GOT ME SINGING LIKE" to the end of your time
www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/alzheimers-disease/expert-answers/music-and-alzheimers/faq-20058173 "Musical memories are often preserved in Alzheimer's disease because key brain areas linked to musical memory are relatively undamaged by the disease."
If you look at his art of what I think was his home, towards the last few years of it, you can see it go all weird and cubist and whatnot. I wonder if he just wanted to change his style a little or it was a sign of things to come.
I think it's more plausible that he just couldn't refine his art the same way he could before, which made his art style more childlike and less realistic
Its dementia... He forgot what he was, he had no reason to live. Its such a horrible thing to have. Remember that all of them are self portraits. The more deeper he is into this mental black hole, the more he sees himself as a result of dementia, or as a featureless mess. Its so scary. "A mental black hole" you get mentally sucked in it. Forgetting your purposes, not even having one anymore. Everything is meaningless. The more the blackness and the darkness orbits and surrounds you the more you stray further from yourself. To the point, that you see yourself as nothing. Dementia is so scary, and terrifying. The worst thing is that it's actually common.
Stage 1: Okay, this looks good. Yup, it looks just like me. Stage 2: It's missing something. What's it missing? Stage 3: Something is missing. A lot of things are. Stage 4: Wait, what am I supposed to be drawing again? Stage 5: How do I draw? Stage 6: without description
By the point of stage 6, he can't form coherent sentence even in his mind. Hence, it's without description. Now imagine stage 7 (the last stage of dementia).
Craziest thing: that last white image isn’t even his most horrifying one. 1 year later, he made another portrait that had no eyes or lower half on his face. *He then was a human vegetable for 6 years after that*
The last one... my god. It looks like a creepypasta monster, but the fact that this great painter would draw himself like this. He’s lost, he can’t even recognize what he sees in the mirror.
this is really terrifying honestly. to go from such skill to barely being able to recognise his own face in the drawings... if these were their own surreal art piece, i wouldnt be as scared. but to know the backstory of them being each stage of dementia and that he had to endure another 7 years after the last drawing is more scary than any horror game ive played.
After listening to the whole thing and seeing the paintings, I think if I ever get diagnosed with dementia I would rather kill myself right then than go through that experience and die knowing who I am..
the album didn't really work out for me because i have adhd, so i have poor memory as it is. i couldn't remember what the songs were supposed to be, and hearing the songs again didn't remind me of what they once were, so i didn't really get to experience the disintegration of the songs.
Same with the ADHD. I couldn't get past Stage 4, I lost all my attention. But still? I show some of the symptoms in light amounts so I get really paranoid every day that I'm in the early stages despite being fucking 16! Yay!
My insight on the paintings: The first one looks like he doesn't realize yet, but something is wrong- he just can't put his finger on it. Something is present, but *where*. The second one seems like he's struggling to remember some things, and stumbling over words. I remember what I look like- right? He probably had some realization there Painting three looks like he finally realized his memories were slipping away. It must be a terrifying experience to realize your slowly loosing who you are. This painting portrays *pain* Painting 4 looks like a little bit of a happy spot. A glimpse into his memories. He's starting to get used to and accept him loosing memories. This happens with dementia patients and it's called the "bliss state" Painting 5 is him not even remembering what he ate for breakfast, having random people claim their his loved ones, the feeling that something **anything** is there but he just cant- he can't remember. He must feel so frustrated not being able to paint like he used to. As an artist myself I find this feeling deteriorating. Painting 6: pure chaos. He can't remember. Everything is so scary for him. He forgets how to express, how to eat, his own face- Painting 7: the whole world is unfamiliar and scary, like an infant but he can't even remember what happened a minute ago. Painting 8: ......
He looked into a mirror while drawing, and while doing so, captured his sadness during these times, and in each painting, getting more and more sad, until you can’t even recognize his face anymore.
Timestamps: 0:01 A1 - It’s just a burning memory 1:03 C3 -What does it matter how my heart breaks 2:09 D1 - I still feel as though I am me 3:10 E2 -And heart breaks 4:20 F3- Internal Bewildered world 5:30 G1 - Stage 4 post awareness confusions 6:32 N1 - Sudden time regression into isolation 7:30 P1 - Stage 6 a brutal bliss Beyond this empty defeat
This album reminds me of how slippery reality is. We construct our identity through our memories. Once those are gone, who are we? Were we anything to begin with? Is our construction of reality just an illusion?
You forget forgetting, it’s static. Static you try to understand, static that you try your hardest to remember. But it isn’t there, it was not there a long time ago. A memory burnt by the ambers of time and life. A memory that was once burning, but now it’s not even a memory.
Dude despite that this guy forgot everything before he passed, his drawings still looks like they're well, what a person would look like. That's until I got to the very last stages. edit 2023 - dementia is horrifying and I feel like we should all take it more seriously.
for anyone who didnt know, the last image wasnt actually his last one . his last self-portrait was this warped, sketchy and erased oval with a coffee stain on it to the point you couldnt recognize it was a head and an ear, and he only died 6 years later
The fact that this song keeps appearing in EATEOT makes me think that it represents a memory that the person with dementia is so desperate to keep, but every time they recall it it just keeps getting more distorted until it doesn’t even sound the same anymore.
I just shuddered seeing the last two pictures. Imagine creating all these memories for so long until at a certain age you loose all of it. And eventually even forget who you are, what you look like. It's so scary and frightening is there's a chance that same would happen to me too.
It's procedural memory, commonly known as "muscle memory". Repetition or continous practice of a skill, like basic tracing or sketching fundaments in art creates more interconnected and stronger chains of memories, so many and strong that their it's very hard for even dementia to take all of it away. Memory recall works like picking up breadcrumbs, following back to it's source even if one can no longer actively remember the path. It's also the key to forming truly long lasting memories and memorizing massive amounts of information. I'm no neuroscientist, however, but I think this is relatively correct..
Depressing fact: "it's just a burning memory" comes from the song heartaches in the verse "just a burning memory" which is considerated the most iconic verse on the song. Meaning stage 1 of EATEOT resembles how the protagonist's favorite song slowly fades away. Just remembering one verse of it.
And even in C1 and E2 where the original melody is split in to peices the theoretical lyrics contain it's "just a burning memory" I think you can argue about F4, F5 and F8
thank you for this. both are terrifying and sobering testaments of what this all-too-common disease can do to a person. side by side, it really reveals what dementia takes away from you. once you have features, feelings, tone, and in increments those things fade. your memories, your personality, everything that made you who you are just drains and leaves a husk behind. i'm scared of getting it myself, sure, but more so i'm afraid of seeing someone i love suffer this way. your whole life lived, and you can't remember it. i don't think people commonly thought of and realized just how bone-chilling and heartbreaking losing one's memory can truly be, and it's works like these two that can help raise that awareness. to those of you continuing to dig deeper after experiencing EATEOT, and really everyone reading, for that matter, stay safe, and spend time with people you love. you never know if one day they'll fade.
The emptiness of the last art piece is fucking haunting, coupled with caretakers stage 6 holy shit. You fucking lose yourself and what makes you human, you arent you anymore, you dont have any memories, hell you dont even know what you did a 5 seconds ago, just a husk, not even a person at that point.
What's also scary is that his art skills not deteriorating back to drawing stickmen, he's still desperate to drawing an actual head. He still knew how to draw one, but he's just not able to.
This is upsetting to say the least, poor guy....Rest In Peace And now I’m sorry to say but because of this video I know that I don’t need sleep now, or ever.
@@xxphoenixx8398 yes, it is the batter, i agree with everything you said, and damm, imagine forgetting everyone and everything you did in your life untill you are just a person that knows how to breath
@@leonardomacsil1765 Hey, that's cool dude, I love this game:). And YEAH, it's crazy... Just to gather some info, I did a very quick search for dementia and it has 7 stages. On the later ones, you forget names, relationships, what day it is, and who you are. You also forget the function for common everyday things i.e a fork or a comb. At the 6th stage, you can't do most things without help; at the 7th one, you can't do anything by yourself. You lose control of your bladder, your speech and need full-time assistance. God, if I ever discover I have dementia, I'll kiss the people I love goodbye and yeet myself into the sun.
This is getting way too real. All I'm doing on UA-cam as of recently is looking up things about this album. This music and this disease is getting to me in ways I wouldn't have thought possible.
Seeing William Utermohlen's art has always been sad to me, but combining his art with music from The Caretaker's "Everywhere at the End of Time"- I can't find the words to describe how it makes me feel. It almost makes me want to cry for my grandmother who went through dementia and all those out there who are going through it. If you ask most people what the worst way to die is, they would probably say something like being burned alive or some horrific, painful death. But I think dementia and A.L.S. (Lou Gehrig's Disease) would be way up on the list, because in both of disease, you're watching yourself slowly waste away- the difference is, with dementia, it's mentally, and with Lou Gehrig's disease, it's physically. I hope they find a cure for both of these diseases in the near future, so nobody would have to face them ever again.
Even in the midst of his dying memory, his unique style, his own self-awareness, the man knew that there was always one thing to do: Drawing and painting a portrait of himself.
That last one... He drew it... He had no idea who he was... He looked in the mirror, he couldn't tell who it was. And really, that's one of the scariest things of dementia... Forgetting who you are to the point to where you can't even recognize a human face
my great grandmother had Alzheimer, she always forget even to eat.But he never forgot his grandson.My father was like her son,I never saw my dad cry so much
In my genetics, I have a risk of diabetes, heart problems, asthma and other respiratory problems, and cancer. But I would rather have the risk of all of those rather than risk getting dementia. People always talk about the risk of getting cancer, but on your deathbed, at least you remember your family.
And so we all face oblivion. Its lifeless, colorless hand will pull each one of us back into eternity. It’s just a matter of how fast. Make the most of the time you’ve been given
My great grandpa lived 103 years and he died with a completely healthy brain and body he could walk alone and talk completely fine and everything the only issue was with his ears didnt hear very well which is common for old people.
My grandpa had alzheimer. I'm an artist and after learning more about dementia whenever I draw/make something I couldn't stop thinking the imagery of me in my old self doing the same thing but with empty mind and more confused. It terrifies me a lot
the way his last self portrait is drawn.. it looks as if his spirit is detaching from his body. the shading looks like his face is falling from his own skull, symbolizing the true death of ego. very powerful, i hope he rests in peace.
bro I was scared at the fact that he remembers he is gonna die and the flashed image like the flashed image is forgetting one this and then slowly remembering it then forgetting it again
![All you are going to want to do is get back there - The Caretaker [1 hour]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/wEDXQ3FzyaE/mqdefault.jpg)
![All you are going to want to do is get back there - The Caretaker [1 hour]](/img/tr.png)
Better to die quick with your memories intact, than to watch them fade away.
@Gabe Davis I'm not saying you should, but I wouldn't blame you when you hit 70.
@@cerebralmalsey look up the suicide rates by age
yup
@@cheemsdog7662 "Among males, suicide rates were highest for those aged 75 and over"
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................holy shit
@@genericname108 ik
its fuckin terrifying
@Gabe Davis yes.
You guys wanna know what's terrifying?
That last image was made in 2000.
*He didn't die until 2007.*
Omg
poor man, he probably went completely numb at his mind
Was that painting his last?
@@funnyguy5848 One of his last. No more from 2002 on
@@derpdee63 pretty sure he couldnt draw since 2000
This actually made me super sad. And to make things worse, this disease is not that uncommon, so people are dealing with this existential turmoil everyday...
3 million each year.
Scary Fact: When you reach 65+ years old, you have a significant chance of getting dementia.
@@elluvscomputers Your risk doubles every 5 years from then on, as well as fucking cancer sores being as common as dementia.
*as in the white sores that appear on your gums, not cancer itself
I believe its the #6 most deadly disease in America? Easily the #1 most terrifying.
You can see the sadness in the last few paintings; he remembers that there was once a person where he sits, yet he can't comprehend what happened. He wasn't happy or bliss, he was crumbling and couldn't even do anything about it. The absolute disorientation and pure agony is so perfectly and crushingly portrayed in the last pictures. This is so sad yet beautiful.
@DispleasedWheraboo Wh... what is.... a man?
What is... this "art"?
btw last painting shown in the video is not his last work, his last work is much much much more disturbing, search it up, W.Utermohlen Self Portrait - Head with coffee stain, 2001
@@pomoy356
Yep, his 2000 to 2001 art pieces truly are saddening.
His final “painting” shows he doesn’t even remember his own face...it’s just a horrific blob of graphite to him.
It’s called Erased Head 1.
@@nathanielhanlon6444 A miserable pile of... sorry, what?
God this makes me so disheartened. As an artist myself, the realization that this might one day happen to me is utterly terrifying and tragic. He knows where his core features are, his mouth, eyes, nose, ears, ect. And yet, with each passing stage, he loses that perceived knowledge more and more. It scares me, almost to the point of a phobia, but I guess the recollection of him even knowing where those things are calms me
Just remember to stay healthy, both physically and mentally. There are so many other things to worry about. This is still pretty terrifying though
You just gotta stay mentally sound and physically adequate. You don't HAVE to get dementia when you get old.
A phobia requires irrationality. There's nothing irrational about fearing premature and total death of self.
@@ShrexualTension Perhaps it's rational to not fear death, but if we discussed that we would enter in technical terms not adequate to a UA-cam commentary section.
It wont happen chill the fuck out
That final sketch has resonated with me... This amazingly talented artist forced to forget his phenomenal talents. He forgot who he even was, what he was doing. That final sketch is what he saw of the hollow husk that was left of him.. its really sad. He lived for another 7 years before dying. That was the last drawing he ever done in his life
it was not the last drawing he did, actually, he did a few more after, but, of course, they were much rougher looking.
The last drawing he ever did was called “Head with coffee stain” it’s literally just an oval and a triangle
It’s “he ever did in his life” not “he ever done in his life”
His wife said he didn't die on 2007; he died when he can't draw anymore.
The body was there. But it's just bunch of meats without a soul.
His wife said he truly died in 2000-2001. He was never the same after he stopped painting.
even more horrifying with these paintings
These last ones are pure terror
Yes
True
I'm scared as fuck from those- things
Here’s a terrifying fact about the paintings: The last one was made around 2000-2001. William didn’t die until 2007.
My grandpa passed away from dementia and it’s terrifying seeing someone just forget who they are and how to do basic human things we take for granted.
2023 update:
My grandma(his wife) is now pretty deep into Parkinson’s and dementia. She’s deteriorating more and more each day and now has to wear diapers. She is going to a long term care facility soon. I can’t even begin to explain the fear and immense sadness I feel for her and my family.
I feel sorry for you and I really hope your grandpa is doing fine in the other realm now and resting in peace and remembered by everyone you know
My grandfather passed away due to dementia too. It's really terrifying seeing someone like that, but also really painful. When he was in his late stages, he was like nothing but an empty void because he had lost himself completely. I'm sorry about your grandfather and hope that you have recovered or are recovering from it as well
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@@tylerwilson5769 Bruh
@@mist3325 no
When I look at these horrifying images I honestly hope if I get alzheimers and or any other form of dementia the doctor ends me right there and then
yeah same i would just commit sucide if i get dimenta honestly
I wouldn’t do it right away. Some people with it can live many years without feeling any effects of the disease.
@@TheNightWatcher1385 the thing is when you realize that you don't want to live that way is probably too late to be capable of doing anything, even dying. Maybe you can ask a loved one to kill you but it's unlikely to happen.
If I start forgetting a little more than minor things I'd end myself right there, had a grandma with alzheimers as a child, I always cried when seeing her
Luckily in some places assisted suicide is legal thats what im going to do if i ever get really bad health wise they basically just put you to sleep and then administer you a lethal amount of drugs so you die peacefully in your sleep then death is the easy part
Sometimes I just wish to die early than to be an empty shell
Yeah but humans have a fear of dieing so it's like saying Breath underwater
And that's possably where the fear of Alzheimers comes from as well
Wanna live? Get Alzheimers
Wanna die? Then die
I think the salutation is just do everything that you can in life.
say it as a equivalent exchange, if you get happiness you get sadness
everything here is equal we are in the center of worlds besides heaven and hell
I would for sure rather die than experience this horrifying disease.
True.
I want to die before 80
The fact that he deliberately chose to document his progression through these artworks means that he probably knew exactly what was going to happen to him... and that somehow makes it even sadder :(
Yep, he knew. After his diagnosis he decided to paint himself to show the world the damage that dimensia does. This video, this album, is scarier than any horror movie, because it happens, to you, me or anyone. No one is invinsible.
Guys, it wasn't actually him who decided to paint his Alzheimer's progression. The idea was from a nurse that attended the painter and decided to make him paint a portrait of himself every few days.
You can find out by having continuous headaches/migraines and also forgetting simple things that you could easily remember before
@@TedMerc It's like a horror movie... slowly forgetting everyone you love and care about... losing everything... knowing you're dying mentally, yet still choosing to draw until... you... forget. And the worst part is it's real. It happens to people everywhere, all the time. And we take memory for granted. Fools are we, taking everyday things and people we love for granted, while some people are becoming shells of their former selves. They're scared and lonely. And we don't know. It's terrifying to imagine that.
It can target anyone, while we are all unaware... until it happens to someone we love.
That's why I'm so scared of it.
(Edit: sorry for writing a whole ass paragraph)
I’ve seen you on liners delay progression
This isn't just sad, this is literally terrifying
It’s both
@@roro6320 he said just
@@okuyasuniijimura well sorry
@@roro6320 I forgive you
Nature's metal
That one picture at 5:50. It is distorted, but you can see that he had a depressed face back then.
Considering the fact that he was drawing a self-portrait using a mirror, he was sad when he was doing it.
He knew that one day he will never be able to remember who he is, or why he is in his own house, but he can't do anything to stop it. And that's why he is crying.
That broke my heart.
He doesn't look particularly happy in any of these images, but that one's definitely the worst. It's the one right before it stops looking like a human face, too. I'm also freaked out by the background- it's clearly supposed to be something but I'm not sure what. His room maybe?
What bothers me is that in the last image, you can still see what looks like fear or sadness on what's left of his face.
It also bothers me that it's the only one that's not in colour. So he either forgot to colour it or was too far gone to colour it.
@@theworldoflivvy3150 I've seen the website about him, and it turns out that's just a sketch and nothing more. There's actually one more after that one, though.
It's blurry, and he had tried to erase it. There's only the face's outline. A single, blurry, erased line.
Nah, he was trying to paint himself from memory
@@nathanielhanlon6444 can I get the link?
i can actually clearly see that he's depressed
As an artist who was diagnosed with psychosis, I really relate to these kinds of drawings/paintings - but they also terrify me equally as much as they intrigue me. I'm afraid of one day aging and my art becoming like this.
@ yeah, I'm pretty chill now but you never know for sure
Hope only the best for you.
@@oliverkirkland867 thanks famalam 👊
do you have any social media where you post your drawings? from your youtube channel, those arts look amazing!!
@@ragingcheese1444 yes! Links are in my description. I'm @rnr0k on tumblr, deviantart, artstation, and instagram.
I had an old lady order from me at my resturant from a retirement home and I was the delivery driver. What I did not know when taking the order was that she has Dementia. She could barely remember the names of the items she was trying to order, and she could not give specific details of her nursing home and repeatedly said "I forget the name." I drove 20 minutes to her location, could not find her anywhere according to her instructions, called her several times with no answer until she eventually picked up and gave me more vague instructions coupled with a bunch of "I don't remember" and "I forget the name." Until eventually I was starting to have a panic attack from the stress and called my boss to contact the lady. An old man, her husband answered and said she had not been home for a great while and had no clue she had ordered food or where she was or when she would be back. This was two days ago, right at the peak of my interest in Everywhere at the End of Time. I was quite disturbed by all of this...
oh my god
oh god-
Fuck, I hope she’s alright that’s terrifying. I’m sorry I went through that.
thats so disturbing, im sorry you had to go through that
_Did you bring her home? Is she okay?_
I think the last 5 minutes of the album would’ve paired with that last photo really well
That last five minutes would have fit if his last painting was made during Terminal Lucidity.
@@reddodeado301 what's that?
@@cozz124 it's a condition caused by brain disorders such as dementia or a stroke, a person experiencing it will die in the same week of any day. It's kinda the moment before the death where they regain consciousness before death.
@Leah ah, alright.
@@RCT3Crashes100 oh so you DONT die together with your memories?
Sad fact: people with Alzheimer’s will hum their favorite song but when they stop... it’s basically the end
@Obama Prism true but at least they could say goodbye to their family even for just a little
@@SomeGuyOnYT it’s like some kind of saying goodbye to your family one last time thing that dementia does and it kind of let’s up and has some mercy and sympathy.
@Obama Prism Terminal lucidity doesn't happen to all dementia patients though, unfortunately.
Me, aged 98, ravaged with Allheizmers and saying my final words “DING DING DING DING DING DING DIGN DING, DING DING DING, AMONG US IN REAL LIFE, DING, AMING US IN REAL LIFE SPACESHIP WITH MY CREW BABY”
@@pumpkinsoda9017 tbh I'd rather not get terminal lucidity, it would feel like salt getting rubbed on an open wound
Since we’re all afraid, here’s some steps to take later in life to lower the risk of dementia:
Eat healthy, cut down on candy and fast food
Exercise regularly, 150 minutes of moderate cardio and strength training per week
Take long walks to clear your head. Doing it with someone else is even better
Learn to de-stress. Don’t overwork yourself and practice stress relief activities like deep breathing, playing with a pet or reading.
Stay social into your old age. Take exercise classes rather than doing it on your own, and spend time with your friends.
Learn a new skill. Lean a language, play an instrument, get a new hobby, as long as you’re keeping your brain active.
Do puzzles such as sudoku, math, crosswords, memory games, etc.
Get quality sleep.
I'm an artist. Does that help me?
Wait...
im not the one deciding on the food (・-・;)ゞ
I've done none of these.
Welp, time to do stretches at 11 PM.
I walk. That's basically it.
I'm an artist that's pretty much an isolationist. I suffer from dissociation symptoms and psychosis and I'm terrified of dying this way... Slowly.
@@tamari1910 how?
If you look at his paintings from the early 90s, you will see that he liked to paint scenes depicting conversations and gatherings with his friends, family, and cats; sometimes with himself included. However the one constant across all of the paintings was his wife. Not only was she featured in every painting, but she would be positioned in the paintings in such a way that she'd be a point of focus. Many of the health professionals that worked with William theorized that his love for his wife and his emotional attachment to her were the only things keeping him rooted in the real world; in reality. Utermohlen wanted to remember his wife above all else, so he would purposely make her the center of attention in all of his works. This also suggests that Utermohlen must have been suffering from Alzheimer's induced dementia for quite some time before his diagnosis. It just breaks my heart; he and his wife must have loved each other greatly. Not only did Uternohlen lose his mind, but his wife witnessed it firsthand.
What’s crazy about the last one is you can still see the technical skill in there a little. There are planes of the face that are almost shaded correctly.
He still had the muscle memory it seems
@@TriggerHappyThoughts Terminal Lucidity is when a dementia patient's brain makes an unexpected return of mental clarity and memory, the brain's last desperate attempt at remembering something, _anything_ . The bad news is that it only happens when the patients are nearing death. You'd be lucky if it comes gradually so you'll have at least a few weeks of lucidity, but most cases had them happen rapidly - which means that you're only have a few hours left.
The last portrait could represent that - his desperate attempt at remembering who he was one last time. You can see some degree of technical skill which was absent on his previous work, likely due to his memories returning to him gradually. There are no reports of Utermohlen experiencing Terminal Lucidity before his death, but after seeing that one last portrait of him I hope that he had at least a few weeks of him remembering who he was.
@@youraverageguy4930 Not everything its about memories, people with dementia stop drawing because they loose motor function, The biggest part of dementia its the loose of cordination between the brain and the nervous system. causing impariment to draw.
He knows how to draw, has the concepts of it and what to do, but he can´t, because the brain and nervous system stop working in symphony to help him.
Dementia its not some weird mental illness related to identity or something, people with dementia don´t loose who they are, they loose their ways of expression, they can´t produce sentences even if they have the idea in mind, they can´t draw because the body no longer its in tune with the brain, and this also applies to memories.
@@youraverageguy4930 sadly, his last portrait was not terminal lucidity, as he made that in 2000, but didn’t die until 2007
5:33 is absolutely soul-crushing. you can see so much fear in his eyes, so much pain. a painting thats screaming in agony.
God. I just want to help him.
Wait. He's...
I'm so sorry. My condolences go to him.
The fact that this disease kills, no cure, no stopping it...
Scientists are atleast slowly making cure for it its most recent medicine is weird name
imagine how it would feel, every year you lose a quarter of your memories, i feel so bad for people who have this disease, my great grandma had it, we also have alot of passed down diseases in our family, and my grandma's getting it now, this is scarier then alot of stuff i've seen, i listened to everywhere at the end of time myself, and like others, i cried at the end.
I did a version of that and it would take 5-7 years to forget enough stuff to perish
Lucky for me dementia is rare in my family. Everyone dies of cancer in my family.
Still a bad way to go but at least you don’t lose all your memories and identity.
I believe I had a sense of this, I was sleep-deprived with little to no sleep for three days in a 24hr CAD lab in an empty university working on coursework. During that time, I started to hear whispers, laughing and banging, when there wasn't a soul about, the brain trying to fill in sounds that were clearly not there at night. During the day, after drinking copious amounts of caffeine, my body could not sustain the lack of sleep anymore, rested my head for a brief moment, woke up abruptly in a 24hr CAD lab, with no sense of self, who I was, why I was here, what I was doing - it freaked me out and I started to panic. My now girlfriend who seen me couldn't understand what was going on, I couldn't recognise her, that I had a dazed look and it freaked it her out too. The whole episode took 40 minutes for me to start to recover, for my memories to ebb back again, scariest moment of my life. Never again.
Considering that lack of sleep can cause dementia, that's absolutely terrifying.
@@thebrownmantapesthenewchan2206 Yeah I'm being more careful now but I believe I had stress-induced memory loss from that time as well - Uni days are a bit of a blur. The reason I know this is my girlfriend who was with me throughout university constantly brings up events and situations where I've completely forgotten or half-remembered.
@@thebrownmantapesthenewchan2206 I have severe insomnia and a few dementia that I dont know. I cannot even draw my face in one shot. I don't know what is the making of my house, what year was it made, anything. My memories are slowly fading away every year. Please help me.
@@AmazingAmbro1 you joking?, You alright?
@@AmazingAmbro1 The youngest known person to get dementia was around 23 years old, and judging by your channel it looks like youre a kid, hmmm 🤔
this video has more impact than the original one. Because it really shows the artist's artworks from when he was healthy and good at creating artworks to where he was struggling from remembering stuff and trying to bring that same creativity he had before.
This would have been a great album artwork for the original
and until the painting be just... a ball with an attempt of face
How in the living hell am I supposed to take you seriously with that pfp
me when dancing cat
Dancing cat
As an artist, the thought of this happening to me one day is horrifying. I'm diagnosed with Autism, and I hear that autistic adults are typically more prone to Parkinson's, which can cause Lewy Body Dementia. Now, neither Dementia nor Parkinson's run in my family, but I can't help but feel scared. I already have quite a bad memory, so I'm not even sure if I'd notice something is wrong until it's too late. If I ever get diagnosed with Parkinson's, I'm probably offing myself right then and there before I develop Dementia.
Right there with ya buddy, I'm gonna ride this shit out until dementia hits and I'll be taking a dive
i feel you, i have autism and i am also an artist and hearing for the first time that when i'm an adult i'll probably be more prone to getting stuff- yikes (is this even true?)
@@everquartz I think it is, since they both affect chromosome 21, but truthfully a lot of autistic people happen to have autoimmune diseases and such so the study that I'm referencing might have not taken those into account
You are also probably having non-diagnosed health anxiety disorder.
If you fear for this chronic conditions, do something now. most are related to bad health lifestyle choices and commorbities. prevent them and you might have a peaceful ending.
Well now I'm scared for myself now after finding that out QnQ
The last one kinda looks like he was desperately trying to remember who he was, and he got really irritated with it and gave up after only drawing a portion of the portrait.
i think he forgot who he was, or he forgot about the painting
he seems like forgetting the art style of his art work,as the stages progress he continues to forget about it but still doing it,until he forgot about the portrait
No, he looses motor function to draw. he can´t draw, like suddenly not being able to ride a bicycle when you had all your life, maybe you have the entire basic concept to ride the bicycle, but your brain and nervous system no longer works for you to express and act upon this.
Dementia its not loosing your identity or some weird mental illness, its neurological, it impairs the person physically, more than mentally.
The drastic difference between 6:07 and 6:36 is too much for me to comprehend
6:36 is when the disease set in at its worse IMO
@jakeisadumbass 5 is registered as "Post-Awareness".
He ascended into Minecraft Steve
@jakeisadumbass really? I cant get past stage 4, its too terrifying, the difference between 3 and 4 is the biggest
@jakeisadumbass and stage 6 is forgetting how you forgot that there was a problem.
shawty’s..... like a.. melody.... in... my.......... .........shawty......................who....................................memory.....................
Tfw you have alzheimers and forget everything about yourself and your family, yet you still cant forget Shawty's like a melody, so you suffer, your brain going "SHAWTY'S LIKE A MELODY IN MY HEAD THAT I CANT KEEP OUT GOT ME SINGING LIKE" to the end of your time
nana nana everyday.....
@@honeymourn4315 got my eyeballs stuck on replay......
www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/alzheimers-disease/expert-answers/music-and-alzheimers/faq-20058173
"Musical memories are often preserved in Alzheimer's disease because key brain areas linked to musical memory are relatively undamaged by the disease."
Popeyes Pizza eyeballs you mean IPod's???? How do you have eyeballs on replay bruh the lyrics is ipods stuck on replay not EYEBALLS
If you look at his art of what I think was his home, towards the last few years of it, you can see it go all weird and cubist and whatnot. I wonder if he just wanted to change his style a little or it was a sign of things to come.
Maybe he forgot what his style was???
I think it's more plausible that he just couldn't refine his art the same way he could before, which made his art style more childlike and less realistic
where are the pictures of utermohlen's art of his house
and that will be the actual stage 1
Its dementia... He forgot what he was, he had no reason to live. Its such a horrible thing to have.
Remember that all of them are self portraits. The more deeper he is into this mental black hole, the more he sees himself as a result of dementia, or as a featureless mess. Its so scary. "A mental black hole" you get mentally sucked in it. Forgetting your purposes, not even having one anymore. Everything is meaningless. The more the blackness and the darkness orbits and surrounds you the more you stray further from yourself. To the point, that you see yourself as nothing. Dementia is so scary, and terrifying. The worst thing is that it's actually common.
Going through all those years of learning just for it to fade away into a distrubed version of what once was.
WELP BETTER START DRAWING BEFORE THE AGE OF 60.
The music is scary ... I don't want to forget who what and where I am
its from "everywhere at the end of time", representing dementia and how it destroys your mind/makes you go insane.
Who is me?
@@midloran Who is who?
What is who is who?
@@InabaD3X_iluvfishrods I don't remember you...
Stage 1: Okay, this looks good. Yup, it looks just like me.
Stage 2: It's missing something. What's it missing?
Stage 3: Something is missing. A lot of things are.
Stage 4: Wait, what am I supposed to be drawing again?
Stage 5: How do I draw?
Stage 6: without description
After Stage 6:
Correction* Stage 6 is without description
By the point of stage 6, he can't form coherent sentence even in his mind.
Hence, it's without description.
Now imagine stage 7 (the last stage of dementia).
Stag
stt;g
staag
gs t
staaggge
essta
stage 7
8 1
3
4
8
stage 7:::
;;.................
wwwwho fhow fdo i todod how do i do it
@@BruhMoment-cs6tj there's a 7th stage?!
Craziest thing: that last white image isn’t even his most horrifying one. 1 year later, he made another portrait that had no eyes or lower half on his face.
*He then was a human vegetable for 6 years after that*
Link to pic
The tone changes so goddamn heavy @2:09 dude, and idk if it’s how he drew out the face alone, but it gives me the heebie jeebees
It's because of the expression and shape and colors, makes it look dead
it looks like a decapitated corpse swimming in a pool of its own blood
And the music too
me when my grandma keeps saying we need to buy freaking good even tho we have
What's the song for this one ahhhhhh
The last one... my god. It looks like a creepypasta monster, but the fact that this great painter would draw himself like this. He’s lost, he can’t even recognize what he sees in the mirror.
this is really terrifying honestly. to go from such skill to barely being able to recognise his own face in the drawings... if these were their own surreal art piece, i wouldnt be as scared. but to know the backstory of them being each stage of dementia and that he had to endure another 7 years after the last drawing is more scary than any horror game ive played.
After listening to the whole thing and seeing the paintings, I think if I ever get diagnosed with dementia I would rather kill myself right then than go through that experience and die knowing who I am..
the album didn't really work out for me because i have adhd, so i have poor memory as it is. i couldn't remember what the songs were supposed to be, and hearing the songs again didn't remind me of what they once were, so i didn't really get to experience the disintegration of the songs.
Same with the ADHD. I couldn't get past Stage 4, I lost all my attention.
But still? I show some of the symptoms in light amounts so I get really paranoid every day that I'm in the early stages despite being fucking 16! Yay!
Our attention spans are all shot these days, frankly.
I don't think either of you should be all that worried about it.
@@normanclatcher Not everyone is the same.
You experienced it faster than anyone
same! but it makes re listening to individual songs that much better
My insight on the paintings:
The first one looks like he doesn't realize yet, but something is wrong- he just can't put his finger on it. Something is present, but *where*.
The second one seems like he's struggling to remember some things, and stumbling over words. I remember what I look like- right? He probably had some realization there
Painting three looks like he finally realized his memories were slipping away. It must be a terrifying experience to realize your slowly loosing who you are. This painting portrays *pain*
Painting 4 looks like a little bit of a happy spot. A glimpse into his memories. He's starting to get used to and accept him loosing memories. This happens with dementia patients and it's called the "bliss state"
Painting 5 is him not even remembering what he ate for breakfast, having random people claim their his loved ones, the feeling that something **anything** is there but he just cant- he can't remember. He must feel so frustrated not being able to paint like he used to. As an artist myself I find this feeling deteriorating.
Painting 6: pure chaos. He can't remember. Everything is so scary for him. He forgets how to express, how to eat, his own face-
Painting 7: the whole world is unfamiliar and scary, like an infant but he can't even remember what happened a minute ago.
Painting 8: ......
Painting 8 is the fate of mind, no words can describe how harrowing this image is. He can't remember anything, except for the basics..
Painting 8 is without description
The first painting was made decades before the second one was made, long before he was actually diagnosed
@@Dylan-Frost unrelated but THE PFP GIVES ME FLASHBACKS
@@potatogamer1877 the fact that you recognized this picture instantly concerns me
He looked into a mirror while drawing, and while doing so, captured his sadness during these times, and in each painting, getting more and more sad, until you can’t even recognize his face anymore.
Timestamps:
0:01 A1 - It’s just a burning memory
1:03 C3 -What does it matter how my heart breaks
2:09 D1 - I still feel as though I am me
3:10 E2 -And heart breaks
4:20 F3- Internal Bewildered world
5:30 G1 - Stage 4 post awareness confusions
6:32 N1 - Sudden time regression into isolation
7:30 P1 - Stage 6 a brutal bliss Beyond this empty defeat
Las transiciones xdd
This album reminds me of how slippery reality is. We construct our identity through our memories. Once those are gone, who are we? Were we anything to begin with? Is our construction of reality just an illusion?
What you said is very interesting
The fact that he died of pneumonia and not Alzheimer's yet almost everything in his mind had disappeared....
He died from complications of Alzheimer.
End-stage alzheimer can cause Pneumonia, organ failure.
i hate everything about this video. but yet, i cant stop coming to visit it everything single day.
Having these paintings as visuals of the mind of a dementia victim matched with the sound of dementia is...something else...so powerful
the final “portrait” just shook me to my core.
*Its just a burning memory*
Perfect haachama pfp for your comment
@@Adolarrr I see you are a man of culture as well~
@@eikkeeh yes... a man of culture to torture themselves with these kind of terrifying videos
That's my favourite song of the album.
“Willow, I’m sorry, but I have to do this”
Hopefully you get the reference
God, listening to ballroom music really puts me on edge now.
You forget forgetting, it’s static. Static you try to understand, static that you try your hardest to remember. But it isn’t there, it was not there a long time ago. A memory burnt by the ambers of time and life. A memory that was once burning, but now it’s not even a memory.
At that point your a husk , your not sentient , your not aware and have as much brain activity as a rock
As soon as the music cut off and it reached the third image, I just felt my heart stop. Its so terrifying and sad at the same time.
Dude despite that this guy forgot everything before he passed, his drawings still looks like they're well, what a person would look like.
That's until I got to the very last stages.
edit 2023 - dementia is horrifying and I feel like we should all take it more seriously.
for anyone who didnt know, the last image wasnt actually his last one . his last self-portrait was this warped, sketchy and erased oval with a coffee stain on it to the point you couldnt recognize it was a head and an ear, and he only died 6 years later
The fact that this song keeps appearing in EATEOT makes me think that it represents a memory that the person with dementia is so desperate to keep, but every time they recall it it just keeps getting more distorted until it doesn’t even sound the same anymore.
You can consider them someone who's desperately trying to remember Heartaches
step 1. live a long and fufulling life
step 2: remember your daughters name
why can’t i remember my daughters name
...
step 3:
Step 3: who is my daughter?
Step 4: What IS a daughter?
Step 5: How do I cook?
Step 6: How do I eat?
Step 7: how do I exist?
Noone found the troll reference Sadge
@Player that really is how dementia patients die. They forget how to breathe
This is an unrated comment. 😂
the fact that he drew better than me even at the later stages in his life is actually impressive
The very last picture is absolutely heartbreaking
I just shuddered seeing the last two pictures. Imagine creating all these memories for so long until at a certain age you loose all of it. And eventually even forget who you are, what you look like. It's so scary and frightening is there's a chance that same would happen to me too.
What really interests me is that while the pieces start to get worse over time..... he was still able to know how to draw....
It's procedural memory, commonly known as "muscle memory". Repetition or continous practice of a skill, like basic tracing or sketching fundaments in art creates more interconnected and stronger chains of memories, so many and strong that their it's very hard for even dementia to take all of it away. Memory recall works like picking up breadcrumbs, following back to it's source even if one can no longer actively remember the path. It's also the key to forming truly long lasting memories and memorizing massive amounts of information.
I'm no neuroscientist, however, but I think this is relatively correct..
Depressing fact: "it's just a burning memory" comes from the song heartaches in the verse "just a burning memory" which is considerated the most iconic verse on the song. Meaning stage 1 of EATEOT resembles how the protagonist's favorite song slowly fades away. Just remembering one verse of it.
I feel like this is pretty common knowledge to anyone who knows what EATEOT is
And even in C1 and E2 where the original melody is split in to peices the theoretical lyrics contain it's "just a burning memory"
I think you can argue about F4, F5 and F8
Imagine a confusion so thick you forget yourself.
Its so heartbreaking how you can see the fear, sadness and confusion in his face as the illness takes over
This album taught me that forgetting is much worse than being forgotten.
That last image is just so depressing. Poor guy :( this whole thing is depressing, just watching him slowly fade away through his art
Ok but can we talk about how good of an artist he was???? I wish I could draw like that 😪
thank you for this. both are terrifying and sobering testaments of what this all-too-common disease can do to a person. side by side, it really reveals what dementia takes away from you. once you have features, feelings, tone, and in increments those things fade. your memories, your personality, everything that made you who you are just drains and leaves a husk behind. i'm scared of getting it myself, sure, but more so i'm afraid of seeing someone i love suffer this way. your whole life lived, and you can't remember it.
i don't think people commonly thought of and realized just how bone-chilling and heartbreaking losing one's memory can truly be, and it's works like these two that can help raise that awareness.
to those of you continuing to dig deeper after experiencing EATEOT, and really everyone reading, for that matter, stay safe, and spend time with people you love. you never know if one day they'll fade.
The emptiness of the last art piece is fucking haunting, coupled with caretakers stage 6 holy shit. You fucking lose yourself and what makes you human, you arent you anymore, you dont have any memories, hell you dont even know what you did a 5 seconds ago, just a husk, not even a person at that point.
What's also scary is that his art skills not deteriorating back to drawing stickmen, he's still desperate to drawing an actual head. He still knew how to draw one, but he's just not able to.
OMFG AT 5:30 YOU CAN SEE THAT IS CRYING AND I'M ABOUT TO HAVE AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN
Aw crap now I'm getting sad what have you done
He drew it from a mirror, which means this is how he looked like while painting
@SwewƧ yeah
This is upsetting to say the least, poor guy....Rest In Peace
And now I’m sorry to say but because of this video I know that I don’t need sleep now, or ever.
This is really disturbing
I second that...
Jesus
Nice profile pic
Is that a Batter pfp? But yeah, especially knowing that it can happen to someone close to you, or even yourself.
@@xxphoenixx8398 yes, it is the batter, i agree with everything you said, and damm, imagine forgetting everyone and everything you did in your life untill you are just a person that knows how to breath
@@leonardomacsil1765 Hey, that's cool dude, I love this game:).
And YEAH, it's crazy... Just to gather some info, I did a very quick search for dementia and it has 7 stages. On the later ones, you forget names, relationships, what day it is, and who you are. You also forget the function for common everyday things i.e a fork or a comb.
At the 6th stage, you can't do most things without help; at the 7th one, you can't do anything by yourself. You lose control of your bladder, your speech and need full-time assistance.
God, if I ever discover I have dementia, I'll kiss the people I love goodbye and yeet myself into the sun.
This is getting way too real. All I'm doing on UA-cam as of recently is looking up things about this album. This music and this disease is getting to me in ways I wouldn't have thought possible.
same here
I heard of this art a while back and these two paired together is really disturbing but in a fascinating way. It really helps illustrate it for me.
Seeing William Utermohlen's art has always been sad to me, but combining his art with music from The Caretaker's "Everywhere at the End of Time"- I can't find the words to describe how it makes me feel. It almost makes me want to cry for my grandmother who went through dementia and all those out there who are going through it. If you ask most people what the worst way to die is, they would probably say something like being burned alive or some horrific, painful death. But I think dementia and A.L.S. (Lou Gehrig's Disease) would be way up on the list, because in both of disease, you're watching yourself slowly waste away- the difference is, with dementia, it's mentally, and with Lou Gehrig's disease, it's physically. I hope they find a cure for both of these diseases in the near future, so nobody would have to face them ever again.
Even in the midst of his dying memory, his unique style, his own self-awareness, the man knew that there was always one thing to do:
Drawing and painting a portrait of himself.
That last one... He drew it... He had no idea who he was... He looked in the mirror, he couldn't tell who it was. And really, that's one of the scariest things of dementia... Forgetting who you are to the point to where you can't even recognize a human face
my great grandmother had Alzheimer, she always forget even to eat.But he never forgot his grandson.My father was like her son,I never saw my dad cry so much
The last picture conveys what a fractured husk truly looks like. It's beyond terrifying
In my genetics, I have a risk of diabetes, heart problems, asthma and other respiratory problems, and cancer. But I would rather have the risk of all of those rather than risk getting dementia. People always talk about the risk of getting cancer, but on your deathbed, at least you remember your family.
Brilliant combination of art and music
And so we all face oblivion. Its lifeless, colorless hand will pull each one of us back into eternity. It’s just a matter of how fast. Make the most of the time you’ve been given
its sad to watch a memory slowly be erased...
4:20 "Don't ever buy no weed from the gas station, bro."
these paintings fits the tracks so well...
There is something deeply haunting with the last picture and its empty black eyes
My great grandpa lived 103 years and he died with a completely healthy brain and body he could walk alone and talk completely fine and everything the only issue was with his ears didnt hear very well which is common for old people.
It's heart wrenching how fast his self portraits turn so abstract
These paintings go very well with that album!
3:09 THAT SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME OH MY GOD
My grandpa had alzheimer. I'm an artist and after learning more about dementia whenever I draw/make something I couldn't stop thinking the imagery of me in my old self doing the same thing but with empty mind and more confused. It terrifies me a lot
Bruh this album will haunt me for life...
this video honestly made me start crying. seeing that someone had to go through this breaks my heart.
"Please don't turn me into an oversimplified self-portrait!"
you see a fair through the fog and slowly as you walk towards it, this starts to play and you start to fade
the way his last self portrait is drawn.. it looks as if his spirit is detaching from his body. the shading looks like his face is falling from his own skull, symbolizing the true death of ego. very powerful, i hope he rests in peace.
4:46
This scares me the most since he completely forgot where he put the face, and decided to add a new one lower
3:09 who else got scared immensely at this
Slightly image..
bro I was scared at the fact that he remembers he is gonna die and the flashed image
like the flashed image is forgetting one this and then slowly remembering it then forgetting it again
7:27
@BalbinoGD Who's that Joe h-huh why I can't r-remember...?
@BalbinoGD oh
The second to last painting is especially sad because he was probably going to paint the rest of the background, but forgot to paint it.
Cheers for the semi-jumpscare at the very end, appreciate that dog
This is fucking terrifying why am I watching this on Christmas at 3:00 am
It's crazy that the last drawing is still super well done.