Brennan on being Bullied and Recovery
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- Опубліковано 13 кві 2015
- This is a video from Brennan Lee Mulligan (@BrennanLM), an improviser, writer, and actor based in New York, as well as the author of the comic book Strong Female Protagonist. Brennan talks about his struggles with being bullied, becoming a bully, and his moment of clarity and recovery.
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no one:
12-year-old Brennan: *it seems i have succumbed to the larger systemic evil*
honestly after watching dimension 20 that seems like a 12 year old Brennan Lee Mulligan thing to do
The second I saw this I was more overcome with the desire to have a sticker of it, than any emotion I've had before
This seems like a statement from Captain Holt in Brooklyn nine-nine
@@shinom0ri Brooklyn 99 finale is Captain Holt realizing ACAB
@@shinom0ri Fundamentally Holt and Brennan are the same person. Just replace "Lack of outward emotion" with "Peak D&D".
Honestly kudos to Brennan for having the self-awareness and the emotional intelligence to go "Ohhh I am that monster." as a twelve year old. There are so many people, children and adults who fail to make that kind of connection to their own terrible actions every single day.
Not quite _that_ monster. At least the way he tells it, he didn't go after poor, innocent, little girls, he went after the kids who were bullying him. It may take a toll on you, but morally there's nothing wrong about standing up for yourself.
@@hellterminator *people he saw as bullies is what he said. Also what he described was not defending himself. He literally said he with a group of his friends would corner one person and ruthlessly mock them.
I know a lot have this urge to “bully the bullies” but especially at that age it just perpetuates the cycle of abuse. Also it’s not like he bullies them for being a bully, he bullies them for not being what he perceived as intelligent. Real ableist stuff
@@kstar1489 Right, it's the same philosophy behind going after a racist person in a wheelchair, call them out on being a racist, don't make fun of them for being in a wheelchair.
If you are going to confront people for being shitty, don't stoop to their level. Being sexist or homophobic or racist or ableist while confronting people about their own bad behavior makes you part of the problem. Brennan was very wise for being able to analyze his own behavior like that at such a young age. The self awareness required to do that is sorely lacking in most people.
I feel like most young people do have that level of self awareness, but not the loving foundation(from Brennan's great family in this case) that empowers them to be able to choke down the cognitive dissonance and stand in that hurt compounded on hurt. The self awareness goes once you're an adult and you feel like you're forced to adopt an ideology that does all your thinking for you(which is any ideology just to be clear, regardless of how good or bad the supposed goals of the ideology are, it does want/is designed to get you to conform to its ideals and not your own)
@@hellterminator Bullying someone in a situation where you're actively able to leave (or indeed, not being involved with that person at that moment at all) isn't self defense, even if it is against little asshole vagina gremlins.
It took me almost a full minute before I realized this wasn't a CH skit.
Yo, same. I really enjoyed this. Brennan is hilarious, but clearly also a very thoughtful and heartfelt person.
Low key I would like but it's at four twenty
Yeah I was expecting this to be a sketch where he talks about bullying while being completely oblivious that he actually was the bully.
@@sixoffcenter80 that sounds like a good sketch ngl
@@mak0zy161 I think I remember the show "30 rock" did that joke
"The wounds that lasted the longest were the things that I allowed to be changed about myself by a bad situation." I wish I hadn't done so much of that when I was younger.
Yeah me too
He is absolutely right. The most painful aspect of my rotten childhood is the idea that I used to be a lot more caring and sensitive to people's feelings.
You're OK, you can change back to that, and get even better.
Me to man
Why do we do this though?
This is both touching, and brings a whole new angle to his DnD game dynamics.
It reminds me of Shelford's character he created in season 1 of fantasy high :/
This vid got recommending because I’m binging fantasy high and it really changed how I viewed characters like Rog and Biz
@@WanderingIbis yes! Immediately thought of Shellford there, especially the Detect Thoughts bit. He did seem to go a bit quieter in that part.
It is, but does give a bittersweet outlook over 2020/21: times will change. Thankfully.
People seem to underestimate elementary school bullying. It hugely impacted how I saw myself and I didn't start breaking that down until high school. In that inbetween time in middle school, I was a terrible person
I still keep a gap between me and someone sitting beside me because I except them to recoil and act like I'm actual trash. In a pandemic thats served me well but the mindset still needs work
Very similar to me, but, at least in my memory, our whole class in middle school was just bunch of angry kids trying to get it out on each other...
One of the reason could have been that in my country elementary and middle school are in one school (you're there for 9 years and the whole thing is called elementary school, but it's divided into 2 stages which (when it comes to age) are basically primary and middle school. And then you go to high school for 4 years)
I agree. And I think most kids get bullied in one way or another. That’s why all middle school age kids are jerks lol
I still have trust issues
This is me with high school bullying. It’s crazy how it has affected my day to day life and the way I interact with people.
"Hurt people hurt people!"
-Raugh Barkrock
I could've sworn Ally as Kristen said this. I JUST watched that episode and this was recommended to me after.
@@bonkbook9346 it comes up more than once. I was just going with a time Brennan said it.
@@envoy2500 aaahhh thanks! I have a horrible memory so like. I was genuinely asking but could've phrased it better. Thanks again!
@@bonkbook9346 no worries. I smelled what you were stepping in lol
@@envoy2500 How many times i gotta tell you to stop sniffing strangers feet without asking?!
"evil is a relay sport when the one who is burned turns to pass the torch" - Fiona Apple.
Extremely relatable. I got bullied, then as a defense mechanism I started learning the most hurtful things I could say to anyone I met, and collecting that info on EVERYBODY, just in case. "Your pants are weird!" "Oh yeah, your dad is dead!" It escalated quickly and pretty soon I was a bigger emotional terror than any bully I faced.
Took me about 20 years to STOP doing that to people. Hurt a LOT of folks along the way.
Good job finding and fighting your way out of that man. had to have been a hard fuckin thing to acknowledge about yourself and unlearn
I've never met anyone who wasn't severely impacted by getting bullied... I really don't understand how people can say "ohhh they're just kids" I'm happy to hear you got yourself out of that huge whole other and yourself had dug!
It’s taken me a long time to realize that I don’t have to be the person you’ve just described. I would be so ready with a jab back, because I used to have to defend myself from bullies. Now, I try to think before I react and try to not be negative as a defense mechanism. It’s hard.
@@EllaEllaEh Good for you, being reflective and putting in the work. EPIC HANDSHAKE
At the time, I would have looked up to you & your cruelty. Cuz you could speak. I spent.. I’ve no idea how long, just learning how to say “no” or “stop”. My hero was Angelina Jolie, and I sat myself down one day and asked “why”? It was cuz she could stand up for herself, and I never had. I didn’t even know if it was possible
Spoiler alert: it was. It is. For you too. Get help to end your cycles
I love Brennan so so much god damn
So glad you liked this video!
God, I've known Brennan only in terms of his stellar writing and acting on CH. This made him feel more... close? Relatable, I'd say. He's such a great guy.
Read his comic! I was both reading his comic and enjoying his sketches and didn't realize he was the same guy
@ oh thanks, I will!
@ He also DM's D&D games in a channel called Dimension 20
@ He has a comic?! That I didn’t know! :)
@@daniellins4114,..
I can 100 % relate to the "bullied becomes bully" situation and the "oh, I've become the thing I hate the most ! Guess I'll hate myself now..." situation. "It would have been easier for me to deal with what happened to me if I didn't compromise myself" That hit me haaaaaaard
I only discovered Brennan a few weeks ago and he’s one of my favorite humans on the internet
One of us. One of us. One of us. Welcome, we were waiting.
This. It was 2 months that I found him and I’m so glad I did. He’s really given me confidence through his stories and actions to acknowledge the good in myself, even the nerdiness, and work on the bad in myself
This is me now, I believe in Brennan supremacy
Me too
Same thing here (9months later lol). 😅 Can not get enough of his beautiful persona and the world's and characters he creates particularly for Dimension 20. ❤️
I did not expect Brennan to say he was the bully. It makes his story all the more real and relatable since I sort of locked the real me away in middle school and high school because of perceived bullying and became meaner and more closed off. But times changed and my perception of events changed. If I could've told myself to lighten up and have patience with the kids around me I think it would have gone better for me.
What he said about "doing anything you have to to survive" is such an important part of it. It's not just what we do to other people, it's the things we convince ourselves are true in order to justify what we're doing. For all I was bullied, I rarely took the chance to turn it outwards, but I adopted an attitude of superiority as a sort of armor against it. It's been years and a lot of good therapy and I still struggle with that particular knot of emotions and self-perceptions.
It takes real bravery to be this transparent. Love ya Brennan.
I can’t image Brennan being mean, he’s such a cinnamon roll now.
Having experience of being on both sides of the bully/victim line really helps you understand and have empathy for all involved
Have you not seen him get angry in CollegeHumor videos?
I've seen him play mean teenagers really convincingly so I imagine that might be him playing a little off of his own experience becasue holy darn it's convincing lol
I've always thought he was really douchey. But now I understand it's an act.
Cant imagine it? have you seen Dimention 20, he plays mean so well
“Time changes everything, and the wounds that lasted the longest were the things that I allowed to be changed about myself by a bad situation” is such a powerful statement as someone who lashed out at others as their survival mechanism. After years of growth where life has changed and evolved and moved on completely, the pain of being victimised by bullies is completely outweighed by the shame of turning into a worse person because of it. You can heal from bullying with time, but you can never take back what you do to others as a result. Powerful stuff.
I love brennan had the "Am i the baddie" moment and became so wholesome as a result. The world would be better if more people could do the same
I was always bullied growing up. There was one girl in class that got more bullied in highschool. I looked the other way, because i didn't want to be the main person bullied again. i tried to reason with the others to be nicer, but i did it in a halfhazard fashion. I could have done so much more. I could have stood up for her more. I apologized to her when she changed classes and i was very sincere. I hope she has forgiven me, but if she hasn’t, that is her right. In my 25 years of life, this is probably the thing i regret most. I think i learned from it. To not look the other way. To tell people when they make jokes that are hurting others and making sure people feel included.
I was called a bully once and was shocked to realize it was true and that intellectual bullying is a thing. I’m very tolerant of all kinds of things these days which makes me an effective skilled labor union president and negotiator
I once had a Teacher in Elementary School that said "Why can't you be more like your brother?" and it really stuck with me a long time and discouraged me from engaging in academics for a long time, I felt lesser than most students because of this and mostly gave up trying to do well in school. Never underestimate the power words can have on a young mind
Can I just say, I'm so glad Brennan's experience with bullying didn't result in him being so shy and paranoid about just being himself. I'm glad that he still just throws his natural charisma out there because if his response to bullying was to become a complete shut in like a lot of kids do, we'd never get to know about this strikingly intelligent, eloquent and hilarious man.
Honestly this is the most relatable Brennan has ever been. I was bullied a lot as a kid, always believed myself to be the innocent victim, and looking back I realize I did some shitty stuff too and I would do anything to take all of that back.
The funny thing is i was essentially those other bullies Brennan talks about when i was in elementary school. I had Dyslexia and couldn’t read as early as other kids and i was bullied for it so i turned around and bullied those kids for being ‘weird’, crazy how circular this stuff is. I remember my mom said something to me when i cried about it to her “mean people are hurting” and it always turned out to be true.
Brennan is fantastic. Guys, if Brennan, as fantastic he is, could get bullied then you'll be ok if you are being bullied. Just stay in there.
It’s painful to even see the term just hold on a bit longer.
People shouldn’t have to hold on.
I agree with you, people can come out a better person, but it should be something that no one goes through.
@@moosedraw3731 no, it shouldn’t. But at the same time knowing that it does get better eventually *is* important.
@@TheBliepbliep I am really sorry you’re going through that.
Similar story here, I was threatened with being beaten to death regularly, and lived in constant terror, so I didn't think my cutting witticisms even counted as "bullying" compared to that. Like, I'm scared of getting beaten up, so words don't even count on that level, it's not the same thing. But now I know better. It's all the same thing.
Brennan is truly one of the kindest people I've ever had the pleasure of getting to know, even though it's only through watching him perform on a screen. It makes me appreciate his level of kindness more knowing that he struggled like this
So you don't know him
I’m the “tomboy” of our group of friends because I liked to hang out with guys more( mostly for their love for memes) but do have friends that are girls. I was bullied for this and for being a nerd as well and became an introvert. But this dude actually made me change. After his performances on Dimension 20 and writer for Um Actually, he showed me I should be proud for being a nerd and the tomboy of my group of friends because you are who you are. So thanks a lot Brennan now I’m an extrovert and friendly person now.
So glad to hear that you have learned to love yourself just the way you are!
Project UROK It’s really thanks to Brennan I became an extrovert and okay with my nerdy side 🙂
@@theeleventh805gamer7 That's wonderful! Always keep being you!
:)
I watched this video a while ago not knowing who Brennan Lee Mulligan is. Now consuming tons of his content I stumbled upon this video again and recognized him, it just blew my mind.
This is exactly what I did. I justified it to myself by saying that things for which I was bullied were superficial things and the things for which I bullied others were Very Important Smart Things. I'm glad I also learned this lesson eventually.
Brennan for president. Seriously. A well spoken, well reasoned, and thoroughly likable dude. That's what the world needs.
Brennen I'm sorry about what you went through. I'm a teacher who works with middle school kids. I teach them to hep each other up and not shoot each other down. I can understand why you went where you went. We all do what we can to protect ourselves but we can all change that. We can all be nice to each other. No matter what. I know this video is old but I feel like it's still good to show this to my students.
My teachers either participated in bullying or did nothing.
@@eboooo Sadly relatable
@@eboooo same, but its nice to see a teacher at least trying to make an effort here. It would have meant the world to me
@@eboooo Same, in my experience, teachers would make the social hierarchy worse by wanting to be popular among the popular kids
Glad there are teachers who are actively trying to prevent that ❤️
Middle school teachers are so cool. I really appreciate the compassion and patience you guys give to your students. It really adds up and it helped nudge me in a "safe/healthy" direction, even when I felt like I was "too cool" to enjoy wholesome videos.
"what kind of a monster would make fun of a girl for not being able to rea......ohhhh" lmfao, cracked me right up.
In school, I remember this girl called Emily. At 11/12, I didn’t know the words for it, but we all could tell she was neurodivergent. She was easy to upset. She found it difficult to regulate her emotions. Her best friend was this girl who only really hung out with her bc she was too nice to ditch her. She was just different.
I was different too. I talked to myself, before I learned it wasn’t socially acceptable. I cried at the drop of a hat, preferred to stay inside and read rather than talk to other kids, I got angry and fought people, then cried when I got into trouble.
We would both go out to a special class every afternoon to do one-on-one with another teacher. We were almost friends then, doing our stupid maths games together.
On the play ground, I was friends with a group of boys. Their jokes made me feel bad about myself, but it was a genuinely tiny school. A very small class. I didn’t have many other options for friends.
The guys were all kinda dicks to her. I followed suit, pissing her off deliberately just watch her cry. Picking on her. Talking about her behind her back.
I think I had a lot in common with her, even though I would’ve denied it vehemently at the time. Months before primary school graduation, I had a fight with the head of the group of boys. He ditched me. The other boys followed suit. I went into secondary school alone, even though we were all going to the same one.
Emily went to a different secondary school, I haven’t seen her since we left primary, but I genuinely consider my biggest regret in life so far to be the fact that I was so cruel to her, and for what? My own amusement? The approval of the boys?
I like to think that falling out with the boys gave me a lot of perspective on that sort of things. I think I wouldn’t do the same thing again. Kids can be cruel.
if you think it wouldnt do her more harm, i think you should apologize to emily. i think it would actually help you a lot feel a lot less weight on your own conscience and it would help her process whatever happened to her as well. even if she doesnt remember what happened in the past, it's still such a heartwarming gesture to receive that.
Hope everyone doing good. Sending support and hearts! ❤️❤️❤️ Stay safe. Always remember that people care. Sending support and even more hearts!❤️❤️❤️ Stay safe❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤
Hope you are doing good. Sending support and hearts! ❤️❤️❤️ Stay safe. Always remember that people care. Sending support and even more hearts!❤️❤️❤️ Stay safe❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤
Thank you Brennan.
This spoke to me. I have a nearly identical experience and was the "bully who felt bullied" and used my mind (honed it really) as a weapon of reprisal and retribution for... I can only imagine perceived slights or weakness. Trying to maintain thorns in a hostile environment.
But I too realized I was a baddie. It's quite humbling.
Thank you for sharing.
Brennan Lee mulligan is literally my favorite celebrity and it's not even close
I did this same thing, I matured really early and boys took that to mean that I was as adult as my body looked. As a nine year old this was traumatizing. I still remember the time a boy started grinding on me right before class, while his circle of friends jeered. I shoved him hard enough to make him stumble. That was the point at which the teacher came over, but I didn't get in trouble, because to punish me would have been to admit that he'd stood there while a child was assaulted under his care.
So I learned, because ot was the only power I had, to say the most cutting thing possible. And I didn't unlearn that fierceness until someone I'd never even seen before told me I'd bullied them.
This is a really sweet, sad video. I guess I could relate, life was always hard for me with my weight. Funny enough, it wasn't really with friends but with like my relatives and my father who used to politely make jokes about it weight like "how many months pregnant" or "are you eating all the food in the house?" (And they wonder why I hate humans) but yeah, I got used to it. However, I channelled my anger by... I used to kind of blow up, like actually combust and explode at random times. I would throw my food on the floor, once I threw a toy from the top of the stairs at my what, three, four-year-old brother. Then there was my sister who I bullied. I used to listen to her cry and smile because, well, life was shot and misery loves company but that was no excuse. Even threw a shoe at her head one time and I, thankfully, missed my shot cause I was pretty young. She doesn't remember it much now but I still do, and I'm still pretty ashamed. Anyways, end of this comment, every sketch Brennan does is always gold so I had to watch this vid =)
We are glad you found this video helpful!
@@ProjectUROK thank you.
@@zeenoyb you're welcome!
Oh man.... I can relate. My parents and relatives constantly commented on my weight and compared me to my cousins while growing up. I took all this insecurity to school, where it was exacerbated and In response I became terrible and mean. looking back on it, I am so ashamed. I agree, the easiest simplest primal lesson kids learn the fastest is that misery loves company. I wish I could properly apologize to the people I hurt.
.
This is a terrific message. Being excluded or made fun of can make you feel that others deserve the same treatment. I made fun of others just to fit in all the time, and that's the same type of guilt Brennan's talking about. I can only hope the people I hurt rose above it in a way that I couldn't.
I still remember all my bullies names, i still look back on how terrible the situation was for me and how negative it has affected me in my life, where it be in my self esteem or my trust in people. One promise i keep true to myself is that i will do anything in my power to not be that type of person that subjected me to that torture and to be there and help those who need it.
This hits deep. I feel so so so similar
Nerd
I love this man so, so much. Hugs from afar and I honestly understand the response. Home life wasn’t great…to say the least. Most of elementary school was spent in foster care and well I learned to use my my wit as a weapon.
We all learn coping mechanisms, most of them turn out to be bad ones. You won’t ever read this but you’re an amazing person with a beautiful soul and able to understand your own situation and your own faults. That’s fucking rare these days man.
I had a very similar experience, throughout elementary and middle school, and I have PTSD because of it. Honestly, I’m glad there are more people like me out there. My most prominent memory in elementary school was my head being bashed again concrete. Seriously, thank you so much for sharing.
I remember one time in highschool where I saw the whole chain of cause and effect travel thru four different kids. My friends and I were these kinda maladjusted nerds who ate lunch together but weren't even really friends and we were just sorta ignored by the rest of school.
First, this guy S, my friend and a dorky drama kid made a joke to this girl F. F was part of the cooler nerd kids, and she just sorta glared at him and then put him down. Immediately after this,my other friend J, a frustratingly arrogant nerd, tried to joke about the situation to S who immediately called J a loser and then stormed off. Finally J turned around and took his frustration out on E, this kid who was totally autistic and didn't really have other friends other than J and kinda me. It was so wild and painful to see every one of these kids walk away feeling crappy about themselves.
I never thought I’d here it put into words but that is exactly what happened to me, and it’s nice to hear it out loud.
I was always seen as the emotional kid so I got picked on a lot and on top of other pressures I felt miserable.
Eventually I decided I didn’t want to feel that way so I started lashing out at my peers, verbally and sometimes physically-I was always looking for a fight.
It wasn’t until I met my now best friend that I realised what a shitty person I had become, we both held a mirror up to the other’s face and we both changed for the better, together.
Now I’m writing a story and I have decided to pass on this experience onto one of the characters.
I hope by doing this it would bring more light to this situation and illustrate how more of these people come to be so bitter, and that it’s never too late to change.
Man I love Brennan on a different level
He is such a sweet man :(
Brennan, you're wonderful now. And we love you.
Something about elementary/middle school really brings out the fight or flight response in children. While I don’t think I took on a bullying role I tried to make myself as aloof as possible when being bullied to almost endear myself to bullies? As a result I became a bystander to the victimization of other kids.
I’ve noticed as an adult I get so much relief from NOT being the victim of bullying in any given situation but as soon as I become the victim I get flustered to the point of not knowing how to cope. This especially came out in customer service where your expected to take all sorts of abuse from customers with a smile.
It’s all a vicious cycle that feeds into itself 😔
I admire your emotional growth, Brennan. That takes a lot of self-realisation that most adults won't even do. You're a good person.
I kinda did exactly this, but I had the added bonus of being in the gifted programs so there was even further alienation from my peers bc I spent one day every week not in class off doing gifted kid stuff. Sometimes it is genuinely difficult to not to be a judgemental ass to people after so long; the pull to the dark side is very strong
I never became the bully when I was bullied, but I can see a path where it could have gone that way. As an undiagnosed autistic, I internalized everyone's hurtful words and indulged in self-loathing. But I've absolutely come up with mean things I'd WANTED to say to my bullies...past and present.
Adult trauma responses being what they are, I now choose kindness unless someone else doesn't. I won't be intentionally cruel, but if someone comes at me with knives out whie pretending that they're being polite, I'm going to be blunt about how toxic they reallly are and tear their words apart. Bullies also PERCEIVE being called out as bullying...and it's important to not be gaslit about this when you truly fear becoming that monster.
Bullying is something kids do as a reaction to the world around them. Like how babies cry because they don't know how to communicate their feelings, kids will bully for the same reasons. And I don't just mean "he bullies you because he likes you", I mean like, not being able to communicate about a bad home life, feeling like an outcast, or like with Brennan, being bullied. I think, depending on a number of factors, one should forgive childhood bullies. I forgave mine, but I never forgot what they did. The bullying I went through at 7 or 8 still gets to me to this day and I'm almost 30.
aaa this feels weird since usually when he sits there its a ceo joke, but i love that hes open and a person andi support him 100%
It means the world to me to hear a story like this from someone like Brennan. I myself had a very similar relationship to bullying and I often feel like a monster for what I did to other people just because I had been hurt and was hurting. Knowing that I'm not the only one and someone I admire so much did something similar and was able to change for the better makes me feel better about my journey and my life. Thank you Mr. Mulligan, truly, you are an inspiration👍💕💘
No joke, I am so so grateful for Brennan and the other people he makes content with. It brings me daily joy and helps me feel seen. I had a rough childhood - bullying mixed with wounds inflicted on myself mixed with a bunch of other shit. It came to a head my freshman year in hs when a group of my peers made a social media profile about me behind my back to relentlessly character assassinate me. After that happened, I completely shut down. It has taken a lot of work for me to claw myself back from that, and even so it’s a wound that aches daily. Yes, time and circumstances change; for me the hardest lie to undo has been that nothing has changed and I’m still that terrified 13 year old kid. Watching someone like Brennan come back from being bullied as a kid to become the self actualized dnd and comedy machine he is today - and be incredibly decent and kind on top of that - gives me hope that I can get there someday too. And that he and his cast mates just shamelessly celebrate themselves and each other is so wholesome. I grew up basically believing that there was nothing in me to celebrate and it sometimes makes me cry to watch them love on each other because I see what’s possible. What could be. It’s very, very good.
It's so much easier to take in a message like this when it's delivered by somebody you know from other things. It's weird. Like, he isn't just saying scripted niceties, he's speaking from lived experience, and it's wise to boot. Cool.
I had a simular back story, except I was aggressively nice to people until high school where I snapped and became the pinnacle bully of bullies. Teachers would let me practically dunk a kid in the trash depending on what they did to set me off. I'd only go after someone who was being an ass in my direct vicinity, but it was still just the same bad energy the bullies had. It took me much longer to realize aggression wasn't always the best answer
God, this sounds like me. Good to meet you, stranger. I rarely had physical altercations, because I tended to be sufficiently athletic and physically capable. But I was tormented socially for years because I was too nerdy/clean cut/enthusiastic/good kid and didn't fit into a general atmosphere of hyper-casually attempted apathy. (ie. "cool"). By High School I had become quite brittle emotionally. Teachers didn't always spot the problem because I most often retaliated against kids _they also hated._ And even the adults who saw the problem didn't understand the depth of genuine emotional damage and anger. I still remember a grade 10 teacher's response after a particularly boorish student made yet another stupid comment meant to mock my vocab, and I hit him with a pretty vicious "intellectual" put down in front of the whole class. I still remember his face turning red and how hard he stared at his desk. _"You viper!"_ was the teacher's exclamation. It was meant as a compliment. _I should've heeded it as a warning._ I crashed mid University and it took me 10 years to put my life back together.
Brennan is right. It was the parts of me that I compromised that took the longest to heal. Some parts I will probably spend a lifetime "finding" and unlearning.
@@smallpseudonym2844 I expect puberty is partially to blame. Everything feels very intense for a few years. I'm so lucky near the end of high school I went on a school organized euro trip. Long story short, the worst elementary school bully I had was also there, and we got high in a random courtyard in italy. We talked about how different we both were now, and she apologized for everything. Forgiving her sent me on the road to healing. It wasnt until that moment that I felt the weight of that hate and got what people meant when they talked about the freedom of letting it go. Its also why I started doing martial arts, to learn balance and restraint. I still believe tai chi should be taught in school. Also therapy. Everyone needs therapy. I hope you're also working towards inner peace. Its constant work, but its freaking worth it
I realized a lot about myself around that age too. I wonder if as a kid it's harder to truly be self aware. Because I feel like it's a muscle you grow. Either by discovering it during or after a trauma...or realizing a terrible truth about something you did.
And I've said this to my best friend so many times. But if I ever find out Brennan Lee Mulligan our dad is not this actually real person isn't like he seems? A little corner of my soul will crumple. Genuinely seems like one hell of a person trying his best to be a good human every day. I need that to help buffer me when life and our world gets crazier every day. Plus his Izzy seems like a true gem.
My biggest regrets are the cruelties I have inflicted on people.
I was never really bullied as a child in my opinion. People laughed at stuff i did and it didn't really upset me. I ran to class and i was a smart kid or whatever but I had friends and didn't really pay attention to other people once i was in middle school. The few times people picked on me I lashed out with violence and then never messed with me again, oops my teachers loved me and i never got in trouble.
Anyway
I can't even remeber things people said or tried to do to me more than some generalized things. What stands out to me is something I did anonymously to a friend of mine. Somewhat on accident.
It was nearing the end of the year, I was going to move to another state and so was this kid, his name was Ben. I can still remember his face. And my larger group of friends was a bunch of assholes who I can't remember.
I helped them write an incredibly cruel vicious and homophobic note that was placed in his backpack. The second I found out they had did it, I panicked. Not because it would hurt him but because I had penned it and thought he might notice my handwriting.
I was in the same class as him, watching him as he pulled that note from his bag and read it.
The pain and hurt on his face was so immense that it broke something in me. I couldn't comfort him because I helped hurt him. I saw the teacher look for the culprit when he took it to her and i just sat there with this boiling regret in my stomach.
I have never said sorry to him. I have never found him again. I worry about what became of him and his mental health and I still think about what I did to this day.
Even if just for a moment, I became a bully to one of my own friends and it haunts me to this day. I turn 25 this month (May 2021) and this happened when I was 11. 14 years and I haven't forgotten a moment of that. The sensation of dread and guilt live in my heart to this day when I think about it.
Please don't bully people. For their sake and for your future self.
I had something similar happen around that age, when I realized in hindsight that I might have inadvertently hurt someone out of my instinct for self-preservation. It’s been nearly 10 years and I still regret it. If I can remember it after all this time, I can’t imagine how it must have felt for the person I had wronged.
It was a shitty thing to do. It's good to carry that lesson with you.
But if you can, forgive yourself and leave the guilt behind. It feels "fair" to carry guilt, but it just ends up sprouting into new maladaptive behaviors that hurt new people.
Sometimes it helps to write a letter to the person you hurt, even if you don't send it.
@@DanKaschel Naw they shouldn't forgive themselves. They did something straight up awful and evil for no reason, and probably had a lasting effect on that poor kid.
I feel every word of this, being a precocious youngster didn't bring me many friends and definitely a lot of ire .
This. Right here. I see you. I hear you. I feel you. And I have done similar. I was bullied and beat up. Then went home and my father beat me up for not defending myself. I didn’t understand. I don’t like being hurt, why would I hurt others? Eventually I fell into the niche and became the bigger bully. Fast forward through a lot of things I wouldn’t wish on anyone- I stopped and asked “who am I? What do I want? Because this isn’t it” I took what seemed to be the only way to get them to stop- I became stronger. But in the wrong way. Now I am even stronger, like those who were strong with me- I strive to show patience and love. I already know I can take it the damage. I don’t need to show anyone what I’m capable of. So easy to respond to violence with violence. But how hard is it to respond with kindness and love and patience? Honestly that’s a superpower. One I WILL have. And I suck at it. But the door has been opened. Thank you for this. It warms my heart so much to see that which I thought was a lost cause be echoed in this world ❤️
Sometimes it takes that outside perspective to realize that you have become at least a little bit of what you hate. You don't always know what the best choice is, but you can do what you know to make things better.
thanks for this. most of what was pushed when I was growing up was "don't bully, if you see something tell a teacher". but this honesty is a lot more helpful. I had a similar experience being bullied and insecure, then inflicting that on other people. wish I had heard this growing up
“Ohhh, I am that monster” is raw as hell but also needs to be a meme
2:07
Brennan, if I may use your forename, it means a million bucks to me to hear you say this. While I didn't have the exact experiences you did, there are enough similarities that it feels good to see someone I believe to be a genuinely good person admit that they fell into being a mean person who used harsh words to hurt people who hurt them once upon a time, because it tells me, believe it already though I may have, that one can, through introspection, learn their mistakes and choose to grow into a good, kind, caring person.
I dont know why I saw Brennan and expected this to be funny, but it was very wholesome so thats nice!
I totally understand where Brennan is coming from. It’s SO easy to go from victim to the aggressor. I almost did when I was bullied.
It started at age 5 for me. I was bullied for my red hair and being overweight, developed a sever emotional binge eating habit from it.
But, one day in middle school, I’m like 12-13, I decided that for every mean comment I got, I’d say something positive to some random kid.
“Nice shoes”, “great hair”, “dude where’d you get this jacket?” because I know how it feels to be down in the dumps, so I wanted to at least dish out what was given to me and turn it into a positive.
Someone told me I am the real life John Coffee, like the drink. I’m no where near that man’s level of grace, but I strive every day to spread all the love I can.
Be good, be kind and most of all, yourself
I was obviously autistic in elementary school and my response to the bullying was honestly to lash out physically. I was physically capeable enough to hurt other people so whenever anyone bothered me that was my only response. It kept people away from me so it worked, I guess, but for a while there I definitely turned from the bullied to the bully. Fully feel Brennan here.
I don't know if I was bullied in school because I spent an entire year straight dissociating to the point where I don't have a single memory of being 13yo, and everything before that is fuzzy, but I remember feeling extreme guilt for things I'd done to other kids. Brennan's right, though. It's been over a decade and I am a completely different, healthier person. I can't take back what I did and said, but I can refuse to never do it again.
Thank you hooked on phonics for giving us the Brenan we know and love today
I occupied a weird place in elementary school where in retrospect I don't think I was being bullied, but somehow I had picked up the idea that I should be getting bullied (checked a lot of the boxes I was told about in the anti-bullying media) and with my autism I wasn't at the time really about to understand what was going on with me or around me, so I kind of just assumed that I was being bullied. It was a weird time. And looking back I feel like I caused trouble for other people just because I couldn't understand what was going on.
Then came middle school, the worst part of my life, where I had developed enough to know what was happening and yet didn't have any tools do deal with it because this was an entirely new experience.
But then came high school when I started putting things together and catching up developmentally. Still a little behind, but finally functional.
I don't know what the moral of this story is.
This strangely makes me feel a little better and more hopeful about myself. I don't have much experience of being bullied in my life, but I do have something of a superiority complex and an ego I've been struggling with for many years. I want to be a better person, and sometimes I look at Brennan Lee Mulligan who's so good at being, well, _good_ that I feel like I can never be like that. Knowing that he's imperfect and human too makes me think that with enough time and hard work, I could be that kind and supportive and excellent too ❤
I changed myself a lot because of bullies and now it's been hard to kind of find the parts that are actually me and what I created to get away from the bullying
I really like what he said about how with mental illness we fight it and it’s almost like this cloud and we basically become someone we don’t want to be because I struggled with that very badly. I did become a bit of a bully to protect myself when I was being teased. I’ve gotten better now but I’m still struggling with mental illness and I just admire Brennan so much for being the person he is and spreading this message.
There was a girl in my class that got bullied more than me. I liked it and sometimes would initiated the bullying of her because it then wasn't directed at me. I've talked with her a couple of times after graduation and apologized profusely. She wasn't upset, since I wasn't one of the real monsters in our story.
Brennan, I really wish I was there for you to deal with your bullies. You're awesome. Stay awesome.
So glad you liked this video!
god this hit way closer to home than I'd care to admit
this hits different since he is more of a role model to me than any other random inspirational speaker. he really opens up, with such self awareness
There are times when I feel like I’m the female version of Brennan. And then I watch this and remember being in 6th grade getting to walk around the mall alone for the first time for a friend’s birthday party. Some girls said something mean that made my friend cry on her birthday. We went to the bookstore so she could cry in the stacks. A few minutes later they walked in and I said, “What are they doing here? I didn’t know they could read?”
Anyway yep just out here remembering when I was the problem and further affirming that I am also Brennan Lee Mulligan.
In middle school I got bullied. My response was to attach myself to a bully’s group (was possible because I was good friends with one of the bully’s friends). My thinking was that so long as I was part of the group punching down, it wouldn’t be my turn. I regret it to this day, because I was right; I was able to avoid the abuse by becoming an abuser. It wasn’t right, and I regret becoming the person I most despised.
Took me a bit longer to get there but I eventually belittled one of my bullies for their poor grades. The second I did it and saw how hurt they looked, I realized that's not who I wanted to be either.
Evan Kelmp as a character really is amazing with this added context omg
this reminds me, i was asked out as a joke in middle school by several guys. eventually i figured that anybody that said anything about liking me was just making fun of me, and i figured being in on the joke was better than letting them see i actually had hope someone may like me
so what i did was anytime anyone said anything like that to me, i just laughed at them and refused to say anything. in my mind, i was laughing at my own expense, at the idea that anyone could like a girl as ugly and weird as me (i have had very prominent buckteeth and an overbite my entire life).
but as an adult i have wondered if any of those were genuine attempts that i laughed at, and if they thought i was laughing at them and rejecting them for asking me out or saying they liked me
I realized at a very early age that I had a wonderful way with words. Not, just nice words of love and kindness but, also words that could hurt. I was a small kid and went to private school up until highschool with mean mean girls. I decided I would be just as mean to them as they were too me. Some deserved it and some didn't. I wish I had just not let it get me and was just kind. It is so much easier to be kind then mean. Now, at 38, I am more aware of my words and how I use them. I am more kind and loving. Is is easier to block out the noise these days.
Omg I had no idea he was a writer for Strong Female Protagonist I love that webcomic!
Just about mental health in general,this is exactly what I needed to here right now. Thank you Brennen.
Nothing lasts forever,not even the bad stuff.
Its easy to forget that usually, the most amazing people are either deeply hurt, or they are really good liars. Almost nobody can be a truly nice person without it having a negative effect on their emotional health from time to time
Wow Brennan is pretty much the same as he is now in 2024! Also thanks for sharing - relate to this a lot being a child of immigrants and not knowing English when I moved here. Was bullied a lot and then isolated. Ppl don’t realize how much that impacts a kid’s psyche.
As someone who was bullied non-stop from elementary through high school, I can say IT GETS BETTER. I’m speaking as someone who almost did something irreversible to escape my situation. Instead I waited it out and it took time, but it got better. I eventually found my people. And even if I’m not what people would call “successful” (like a career or published works or anything) I am So Happy now. I am content with my life. As time goes on one day you notice “oh that thing that used to always remind me of this trauma I had doesn’t anymore” or “this unhealthy thought pattern I had from being bullied is gone, when did that happen?” It *heals*
I do understand this- though I didn’t ever bully anyone in turn- being bullied in elementary school and isolated in middle school made me so untrusting of any friendly interactions I did receive and so bitter- and I spent the ends of my teen years working to open back up. College really helped for the new start. But yeah, I understand this bc you feel like you have to fight to protect yourself, and can lose yourself and become partof a problem in the long run
this was in my watch later playlist and i was not prepared
Brennan is so good at saying the most profound and eloquent things. "The wounds that lasted the longest were the things I allowed to be changed about myself by a bad situation" is incredibly true, relatable, and so well put.
I think Brennan and I did a lot of things similarly when we were younger, I got bullied as well and it made me shut out a bunch of people and I got a lot more cynical. It's nice to know I'm not the only one with that response to trauma, thanks Brennan for being a good person
I related to this story of bullying so much more than any other I've heard. It's true that a lot of people who engage in bullying are themselves victims of the same thing, if not at school with their peers, then at home. It takes a moment of clarity like what the commercial was for Brennan to be able to step back at see how how you let the experience of being bullied affect you.
I got bullied... in a way that I did not understand. I was bullied for not acting like other kids and I did not get it. I didn't lash out at others weaker. I lashed out at the ones who hurt me and quite often they didn't understand that they hurt me. And this resulted in me getting in trouble because I was just supposed to get that it was banter, or a joke or some other thing. But they poked until it became too much and I lashed out.
Turns out I had ASD. Made a LOOOOT of sense now why kids picked on me. Because I inherently acted differently and kids saw that as a reason to both exclude and pick on me. Like I had a big sign on my forehead that said BULLY ME and they bullied me in a way I couldn't figure out. It was psychological almost. Like they were doing it in a way where I KNEW they were doing it to me. But because they weren't obvious I couldn't tell on them because they'd spin a story with the teacher. And because it was mostly verbal, since I lashed out physically (not every time but when I was pushed enough) it was always perceived like I was the terrible person and they got off scotfree, because physical hitting is seen as 100 times worse than any verbal provocation. Not saying that it's right to hit. But it's equally not right to let people who verbally bully others get off lighter.
i was also a really mean little nerd when i was being bullied, and i only noticed how awful i was being when my brother listened to me talk shit of someone and he said "you're not that great either". i guess it was the bluntness of that remark that made me reconsider a lot of my behavior
honestly bullying the bullies back sounds like my child selfs biggest dream in the world.
Love this, love Brennan, and I wish you would start a UA-cam channel.
I love the point you're making about bullying. My circumstances haven't entirely changed yet since I left school. It doesn't quite bother me so much, but I became a weirdly abrasive mixture of confident (uncaring of peoples fickle opinions) and enthusiastic. That can also alienate people, apparently. Still learning the middle ground. Western Society has devised a very fine beam to walk, it appears.
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