The Horrible Cycle Addiction, Guilt, Shame, and Resentment
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- Опубліковано 20 кві 2022
- Addiction is psychological addiction to the person and to the people around them. There's a constant swirl of addictive behavior, shame, guilt, pride, and resentment. It's like a domino effect of negative emotions and thoughts. This is how it happens and how to put a stop to it.
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More on the Psychology of addiction: ua-cam.com/video/jDILnf2mAeo/v-deo.html
That is a very helpful video. There are few resources that unapologetically identify the harm addiction causes while also equally supporting the dignity and humanity of people struggling or in denial. Thank you.
Home- is supposed to be safe and peaceful. I don't believe, from my experience living with someone addicted, a home will last between an addict with a sober person. The sober partner deserves basic safety, encouragement, basic peace at home. (I do appreciate your words, helps me understand him, as i am pushed...away.)
Yep ! I did this as a younger adult when before and after I left home ! I was so busy building a double brick wall around my self because I truly felt that i couldn't say anything about my child hood and teen life because I just knew no one else had lived this horrific life! I moved over 700 miles away from home for 18 years .I didn't miss no one ,
Then I'm out there drinking it up not giveing 2 shits about many things ! Then one day it was like what am I doing to my life that I felt so bad about what I had lived and then I'm trashing every opportunity I could have had to move on ? Then I was really ashamed but it made me mad so I made it my mission to do a almost 360 , I packed up and moved over 700 miles away and never looked back ! a few years later I gave up drinking and all that trying to fill those empty holes of life that I didn't know how to fix , but I knew I needed to change my way of thinking and doing , it was kinda hard becouse I did feel I had many good times dureing my drinking days ,But at the same time I have a very nauseated sick feeling in my gut ! Due to thinking of the bad times , it is a practice to not live the way you have for long time or from young age ! Meeting completely new people does help greatly if they are good for your change and a stepping stone to a new path of how you spend your time ,
Im one that has to plan quickly and jump fast so I am forced to start from scratch , I'm hard headed and tell myself the hard way is OK ! And most of the time the best way !
I make the addicts in my life talk alot becouse I want them to get some stuff off their back ,it's not always pretty but I feel it helps them but be prepared to not take anything personal and have a tough heart and know that they are the one dragging around their bag of bricks and just hope they get tired of putting more bricks in their bag and hate dragging it around! It hurts seeing anyone in this situation no matter how they got there !
I have learned to never act mad ,but try to tell them the ugly truth and say I love you alot .
Love what you said about bricks in their bag. So true 💯
Thank you so much for sharing this! 🎉
Hi Amber, thank you so much for your wonderful videos. My 45 yr. old unmarried daughter has been drinking since 17 yrs. old. She is having terrible physical and mental problems. She has done many things that she regrets but blames me and my husband for her problems but she will not acknowledge that she has a drinking problem even though she is drinking more than a 5th of vodka a day. I ended up calling the police on her when she refused to leave my home and started punching me. She hates me with a passion!! I am so afraid for her and her health is spiraling downward.
Is there anything I can do to help her. I love her more than life itself!
Thank you so much!
Sorry, once I saw the name of your channel and the type of video you made I had to stop by a drop a comment. It's so brilliant and it made me giggle. Thanks for the bright spot.
Thank you so much! 😀😀😀
Hi Amber
Queen of the straight talking Consellors!
Still processing the aftermath of my ex bf alcoholic incredibly destructive, addictive behaviour.
Your video explained, and really nailed the madness of his psychological thinking patterns, thought processes and subsequent outcomes of his choices. In a very easy to understand
and positive way.
Very helpful, empathetic and supportive
Best Wishes and hope to all in this Community.
"queen of straight talking counsellors!" LOL! I love it 👑👑👑👑🤣😃🤪
How do you straight talk facts with someone who lives in your house -is still in denial of lying, stealing and blatant disrespect, including alllll those bag of tricks and still keep cool and present to deliver straight facts and have a win- win?
I'm working on my own character defects, but facts are facts. Walk the walk or get out.
Or just get straight facts. 🤷♀️ no emotion while feeling great empathy? It's difficult! You rock. Thx.
I’m quitting smoking today. Please wish me luck.
Subscribed
Lots of luck!! 🍀
Thanks Amber, this reminds me of the beginning of my sobriety. I no longer had the fear, shame, remorse and guilt in the morning.
Love it!
Love this. Great explanation that helps me understand more about the cycle.
Awesome, thank you!
I agree, it’s the psychological issues that are the hardest, thank you for saying that the physical part can stop in 5 days, I see it in my daughter in law, I have no idea what she went through to get this bad, so deep and years, I cannot get a hint cause her parents and sister are all dead due to addiction / overdose. I wish I knew
Hi Judy, thanks so much for watching and taking the time to leave a comment.
Great stuff Amber. Thank you
Thanks!
Hi Amber. I agree with the method you tell us about.
Love this video i needed to hear this so much ❤️
So glad it was helpful, Tati!
Thanks Amber, you are keeping me sane with your videos.
You are so welcome!
I can’t express how thankful I am to have found your channel. You have shed so much light on the how and why’s of addiction. I feel like your an Angel sent from heaven to answer my questions and try to understand it. Addiction is to common in our society that it’s sad. I still need to finish my registration for your program. Just have to do it. Have to physic myself up for it. I have to face reality.
Thank you, Debbie, for your kind words. 💓💓💓💯💯💯💯💯
Such great information as always. I watched my children go from typical defense mechanisms to toxic mechanisms early on! Those psychological reflexes- it never occurred to me it was an attempt to justify. It always felt like blaming and we took on guilt. I needed this video so much as a parent. Loved the mental muscle concept. I’ve seen all this with my son- he is making recovery a full life change. Awaiting the moment with my daughter.
I'm so with you on this. Thank you 🫲💖
Thanks for these videos. Coming to terms with the effects alcoholism has had on my family has been a very confusing process, and your videos by far have been the best tool I have found.
Sometimes I think that it was my job to say "you're a good guy" and when I could no longer do that, that is when he left me. That is an over simplification, of course.
I'm really glad these videos have helped give you some clarity in such a confusing and frustration situation.
It’s so true. “You’re a good guy” no matter what. I actually think it’s manipulation and entitlement, they attempt to, and often succeed) to train us to accept less and less and less… then they can use freely again.
Excellent video Amber..Q & A's too.
Thank you for your response..mentor..yes..I fully understand..aghh..lol. A ton of work on the mentors part!
You are the best! Thank you for everything..you are awesome!🥰
Right back at ya, Sandy! 💖
I would love to see more information about the people that see the truth so clearly and have stoped the fantasies about future success so they are trapped in the downward spiral of depression and they see they become passively not wanting to live anymore. Pretty sure this is where my son is
Thanks for your video's Amber. They have been keeping me going for the past couple of years. All very practical and so relatable. I have an adult son with an opioid addiction (*/- meth) who is delusional and paranoid. Some of his paranoia also involves me being somehow against him. I accept this as mental illness secondary to his drug use but...I would like to keep in touch with him (he lives in a shelter) but don't know how to deal with the crazy conversations about his delusions when he starts into them. It makes some visits most unpleasant and I can't just agree or ignore his crazy assertions. Do you have suggestions about how to deal with someone who is delusional? I also think his delusional thinking is an escape from having to take any responsibility himself for his situation - easier for him if he can think it is someone else's fault. Your videos and insights have been very helpful to me in finding some balance in dealing with this challenging problem.
Thank you for your kind words and support! 💖
I agree! These videos have come to me right when I need their message! Two children battling substance use and addiction. 🙏🏼
@@authentictruths Hang in. Stay the course. It is what I am trying to do.
I am going through the same thing 😪
@@whiteybopbop9232 You are not alone. One of the ways that Amber's videos have helped me is understanding that these circumstances and behaviours are not unique to my family. There are thousands of families enduring the same challenges. We are not the only ones struggling with these issues. I have elected not to engage when the delusional thinking comes up, have said to my son that this is an area where we are simply not on the same page and won't agree so maybe it is best if we just avoid those topics altogether and also to set a boundary that abusive, blaming vitriol is not appropriate no matter who it is coming from or whether they are impaired by drugs or not. I won't tolerate it and it will end communication, at least for a while until civil conversation can resume. Good luck.
Hey love the channel! Have you considered starting a podcast? I would love to listen to this information in the car.
Thanks Cathal! I have thought about a pod cast! It's definitely on my list.
There's also a new ultrasound treatment which is phenomenal but expensive. Thanks for sharing.
I have a relative who has been an addict for more than 30 years. I am over it and I told her I am waiting on her next dose to be a hot one since she has been a burden on her mother for that long. She has stolen money out of her mother's accounts and stolen her credit cards. She can't keep a job and I am done. She doesn't want to change and wants to die an addict.
Your so right! I’ve never found anyone who can articulate how it truly is
My son is in the hospital again now after 5 days detoxing I can see the he is also addicted to the “lifestyle” of an addict as well as the substance, when the substance is out of his system and withdraw subsides his restlessness it id clear he’s equally addicted to the drama of street activity and adrenaline of dangerous people places and things. He doesn’t seem to enjoy and quiet or peaceful time. He’s uncomfortable in normal people conversations
Is that possible?
Diana you are so spot on, correct. I’m concerned my adult son is also addicted to the lifestyle. Restless, not working regular job, consistent leg bouncing, not enjoying being quiet. What do we do?
Thanks Amber..I’m dealing with a loved one using meth..it’s awful and so heartbreaking. Any resources you would recommend?
Hi Christine, I'd probably start by setting some healthy boundaries. Here's my playlist on boundaries: ua-cam.com/video/PFHLNgTlot0/v-deo.html After that, you can take a look at my playlist on motivating someone to take steps toward recovery. ua-cam.com/video/PFHLNgTlot0/v-deo.html
My stepdaughter is on her 5th attempt at recovery over the last 5yrs, Heroin is her addiction. She was kicked out in Feb just before her 30 days.. for disrespectful behavior, according to her. She finally got in a half way house 3wks ago. She knew day one she needed to get a job, her social security card and ID... She's done nothing. I don't get what is happening with her. Is she really even trying or am I being too hard? She just doesn't seem to function or take things seriously. Did these drugs damage her brain? Overall she's been 4mths clean. Shes current doing sobixin.
Hi Lee Ann, It's hard to say. I've definitely seen situations where people in recovery (especially young people) were really avoidant of getting a job. Sometimes they have some fears about trying to get a job. Sometimes they feel overwhelmed with the steps they need to take (especially if they have to jump through a lot of hoops like DMV etc...) Not sure if that's what's happening in your case though.
@@PutTheShovelDown thanks for your comment. I know it's so hard to say and especially since you don't know the person and her history. She's 31 this year. She still acts like a teenager.. it worries us.
@@leeanndallas-dougan370 At what age did she start using? They say we arrest developmentally when we become addicted to a substance. Regardless of her chronological age now, she may well be a teenager from a developmental perspective and may need more support around taking the steps to get a job and so forth. Just an idea.
Amber I really appreciate it videos. I have 13 months clean now. It's starting to get a bit boring I'm getting stir crazy. I'm working on getting a car and things. Do u have any ideas to help these days go by.
I think it’s important to have a goal or something you’re pursuing that you feel passionate about!
Hi Amber,
Thank you for this, I am having a hard time because I stood by my husband and yes probably was codependent, now that he's sober, he now says he should've left 15 years ago, he drank because he was miserable in our marriage and had to drink to come and have sex with me. So 25 years wasted, and I get dumped and blamed.
He had relapsed be for the actual relapse. I knew it was coming but he acted as though he didn’t know it. Dry drunk on steroids 😢 Thank you Amber.
Thanks for watching Kathyrn! And especially for taking time to leave me such nice feedback 😁
My daughter has been in years and years.
😓Hi Kelly, If you look at my playlist called Inspirational Addiction Recovery Stories, you'll see lot's of stories where people were in addiction for many years but eventually came out. Hope it helps: ua-cam.com/video/IWMEnO5PIDY/v-deo.html
It was stated that the addict has no romantic feelings for the person they are with.. then why in the f.. are we learning all this?
Hi Sandra, I didn't mean to say that the person has no romantic feelings for the person they're with. But, I will say that addiction will always come first. I should have been clearer on this topic.
Ah thanks. In 30 years of recovery and 3 with relapsing addict boyfriend.. you’re videos are the clearest , least shaming and funny. Thank you. I’m just frustrated .. giving up a substance is very black and white and I’m always trying to not do more harm then good…
How can you find a place where they do Rapid Detox?
Hi
To say that you can detox and readjust brain chemistry from any substance in 5 days simply isn’t accurate. Someone coming off a heavy opiate addiction especially methadone or suboxone is going to take months maybe even years to get their brain chemistry back to a normal healthy state. 5 days off opiates you’re still going to be in heavy withdrawal.
I agree!
Shifting of the heart and head is best done by GOD, but I guess any port in a storm? My son is a fentanyl addict on the streets of Oregon, its winter now. I feel so guilt ridden and devastated. I feel like I am his only life line back and I have no answer's.
Sending you prayers @nobama3468 !
@@PutTheShovelDown thank you thank you
Can’t download checklist, won’t take my email
When I was actively using , I did have love for the people around me.. sorry but it’s confusing ( especially trying to balance my aa .. let them live in their shit.. with alanon and craft
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😁😁💖💖
Isn't psychology an emergent property of physical processes?
Out of necessity, I have put allot of research efforts into three distinct addictions which are alcoholism (22 years married to an alcoholic). I have studied about every book on my own nicotine addiction and have quit for great lengths many times. (Presently 1 year. I have always had a keen interest in food and natural remedies and over the course of 55 years of my learning and first hand experience I have to say that modern agriculture (pre history man and evolution is also an active study interest all my life) specifically carbs and sugars(which of course include sport drinks and alcohol) are the gateway drug. No joking here. Carb /sugar/ food addiction is indeed the itch you can never scratch and it is killing everyone (yes we live in a very toxic world/environment in general I know) Pretty much everyone is addicted and struggling be it alcohol, food, gambling, sex.....look into your bathroom mirror ....what are YOU addicted to. If you want respect, admit to your own addictions as well.