Hey, I understand that you went through a really hard time and regret getting top surgery but I want everyone to know that only a small percent of people who go through medical changes regret getting it done. Surgery can save someone’s life. And the way you explain it Cole is really helpful for some young people wondering how it can affect you if it’s the wrong decision
@@sebastianwragg6773 statistics show suicidality is highest for trans people 10+ years after transitioning. According to you trans people are so "valid" they literally kill themselves if they don't get expensive, dangerous, unnecessary surgeries, but at the same time you expect people to believe these people are of sound mind, lol
You can't speak for everybody and this is only one out of the unknown figure telling own story, I respect this person's bravery to share story with others, just to let people know how this decision at such a young age impact on this human being life and emotions. Nothings wrong with this. Wishing you all the best young one.
People take there own lives because of the regret they have getting these mutilations. Quit lying and trying to speak for all of the alphabet people. Lol.
@@ciara6694 people also take their lives because they can’t get the surgery and all I was trying to say is that Cole was going about it a a good way and explaining what could happen
When I was in highschool my junior/senior year I really didn't like my curves, including my chest. I wore large clothing and wore chest binders once I got to my senior year. I felt so happy with it on. Thought about not wanting boobs frequently. Four years later, in my twenties, I am a lot more feminine in comparison and love my curves/chest. I would be devastated if I had gotten any surgery. I still am masculine, always have been more or less. I realized I was only embarrassed and ashamed to be feminine in any way because of how feminine characteristics can be seen as weak, and because of my negative experiences with being used or treated as an object because of my female body. I'm biologically female and have always identified as female up until now. I definitely wasn't mature enough in highschool to be able to make decisions like top surgery. I was going through a stage of truly not accepting my body or feeling comfortable with it no matter how it looked. But I love my body now and am comfortable with both my masculinity and femininity. I have realized the strength and beauty in femininity and still appreciate my masculine traits. That's just my experience.
"trans matter! They want to rid themselves of puberty cause they dont like it, accept it BIGOT" I think we all hated puberty and pimples lol, bone growth hurts like a bitch
Imagine if people would just be ok with being who they are wether a masculine female or feminine male and stop getting caught up in trying to fit into or make up a gender to describe themselves.
I'm similar, and you really get right to the point, saying feminine traits are seen as weak. For many, it's an embarrassment to be female. It took me a while to feel strong enough to be feminine. I overplayed masculinity as a defense mechanism when I was young.
Yep! I wanted to be a boy in grade 1-2, mostly because I thought bam bam from the Flintstones was cool. Even before that, I never felt like I had to be the mother or have baby when playing house. I was fine if friends said I was the dad. I grew up with a masculine father and a mother with many masculine traits. I grew out of wanting to be a boy with time and also when I learned about sex surgery because it scared me lol my mum just called me a tomboy the whole time. I also wore big, baggy boy clothes in high school sometimes. I also remember really liking the androgynous clothes/look for a while, maybe even around 18-19. I've through a lot of girl-boy phases but I'm 35 now and I LOVE being a woman!
@@Cafeallday222 Great story. People forget it's difficult owning femininity. We are told it's the weaker sex. It's not. But that can take a while to discover, within this culture. What is feminine power exactly? It's not just sexual allure. That's just how the men see it, or some men.
If I may be so bold as to speak of this heavy topic lightly, it really do be Schrödinger's chest That said I want to thank you for sharing your experience. I’m nonbinary and I have been thinking very seriously of getting top surgery for a long while now, and it’s really important to hear about a variety of experiences. It’s very impactful to hear from someone who is trans and who remains trans even though you regret top surgery and would rather have your old chest, as opposed to hearing from people detransitioning or people who’s surgeon’s mutated their chest, or something of that nature. At the very least I’m now much more open to considering keeping my current chest. Thank you again for putting this out there and talking about it!
@@finnatlas2494 because I believe that there will be irreversible psychological scars as a result. There is no medical need to remove healthy functional tissues that are designed to nourish and nurture an infant (among other things).The idea of double (and an unsightly) mastectomy on very young impressionable women (for no good reason) has gained traction and legitimacy. I believe this is a grave error and society is selling a real bill of goods to these young women. We have yet to see the negative repercussions on a fuller scale. That will be revealed in the future and I am very saddened because I think that many lives will be destroyed because of this ideology.
@@finnatlas2494 the fact that there is a visceral reaction when anyone questions the idea of removing, replacing, altering the body surgically due to mental/emotional/ psychological occurrences, is the reason many are starting to believe that the trans movement is actually a religion. What happened to “question everything”?
@@finnatlas2494 "usually a person who realized they weren't trans AFTER THEY GOT THE SURGERY".....so you accept that some of these people who are getting the surgery are not trans? Can you not see the issue here????
As a 16 year old trans masculine person, this helps me broaden my perspective so much about how much thought really needs to go into this. I've been pondering top surgery for the past 2 years and I thank you so much for sharing your story. I wish you well with these feelings and regrets you've been experiencing. ❤️❤️
i think i might regret my own top surgery i had it done five years ago and it’s brought me so much happiness and relief in that time but over the passed few months ive been having growing feelings of dysphoria towards my chest i feel like i look like a child i’ve been hiding myself in baggy clothes and big jackets i don’t know i guess i just understand some of what you’re going through and i’m sorry that it’s so difficult
You jumped the gun and now you are part of a science experiment. I know for a fact that this was planned to sterilize you all who are mentally confused.
how you described wanting a flat chest because of how people perceive you and like aesthetically having a flat chest under all your clothes so there's no bump there but when you're just alone and by yourself feeling connected to your chest in some way and also like with partners and everything is literally EXACTLY how i feel. i haven't seen anyone describe it as well as in this video, its like you read my mind and put it into words for me. /gen /pos
It’s really important to share these kinds of stories. Though most trans people don’t regret their surgery, it’s still good to look at why some people who got the surgeries may regret it. Yours for example really emphasizes two important things: 1) how we should make sure the people getting these surgeries aren’t mixing up how they want to present in public vs how they feel about their body. When making these choices, we should be pushed to see ourselves alone and naked in our room or something and think about that hard. 2) Medical transition is not necessary for being trans and this should be preached as loud as possible to people who feel they are trans don’t feel like they have to or should get these surgeries simply because you are trans. You are valid regardless Thank you for sharing this! I’ve had similar feelings about my chest as a trans masc individual myself. It’s nice to hear about another non binary person who feels the same as me about it
@@allmigthygoddess939 statistically most don’t regret it. That doesn’t make it any less important to consider that regret is a possibility that should be taken into careful consideration.
Going through something very similar. I am nearing 30 and had my surgery at 20, now very regretful of it after an initial 2-3 year period of satisfaction. I miss parts of my body and I feel I have to grieve the experiences I could have had with them as a mentally healthy adult in a stable, loving lesbian relationship. LMK if you want to talk. It isn't the end of the world but it sure isn't nothing and I wish surgeons wouldn't take operating on young people so lightly.
May i ask as to what you miss about them? The hoops i have to jump through feel ridiculous to me and i think I shouldn’t have to go through this for top surgery. In my opinion the younger you can get this done the better its such a shame to waste your youth hating you body i only wish i couldve had this done when i was 20 or even much younger. And also if you regret it whats stopping you from getting implants?
@@jazminechan7283 it’s not that easy to just get implants. people act like it’s an easy procedure, insurance also will not cover that. transitioning people younger and younger is not always the best option. lots of kids grow out of gender discomfort and some don’t. 18 is young enough
That was a courageous video to make, and one which I imagine will prove really helpful to lots of other young people who are struggling with certain aspects of their bodies in relation to their gender identity. I really hope you find happiness with your self and your body, whether that involves some kind of "corrective" surgery, or not. Very best of luck to you. Sending hugs 💕
Thank you for sharing. I’m sure it’s really hard to deal with these emotions and even more difficult to speak them publicly. I’m hoping this helps someone else! You are brave and strong
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry you felt pushed to make such a life altering experience at such an early age. This experience seems like it is prompting you to ask existential questions that most of us won't confront until much later in life and we've experienced more. I wish you the best in your life's journey. Peace. Healing. Acceptance.
As a trans (ftn) person myself, I never once thought about NOT getting top surgery. It isn't an option for me. I try to consider living life without it, and it honestly isn't an option. Videos like this solidify my feelings and my confidence in my decisions even further. To other trans teens out there, if you're not sure, wait until you are. I've been 100% certain about transitioning since I was 18. Sometimes I regret not doing it sooner, but I waited until I was certain and that is something I am grateful for. Take the time to know yourself. :)
youre so strong for talking about this, no one should make you feel ashamed for this.. i wish you nothing but the best in the future you were extremately young.. at young ages is more probably to regret at big desicions like this...
I feel so sorry you've had to experience this. I have always wanted top surgery since my chest grew And I suppose the main difference is I would never have describes myself as liking my chest or thinking it looks good or making sense for me Like how you viewed yours beforehand. I feel it was such a shame for you to not have been able to verbalise yourself in this way to a therapist who could have realigned you with yourself before commiting to a surgery that you'd come to later regret. With that being said I think it's so courageous for you to talk about it , and be so vulnerable in your truth. I think it will help others like yourself who may have realised that they feel more like you and will perhaps not go through with the surgery... and for others it will confirm that they did infact do the right thing. All the best for you. You seem like such a nice person and I hope you find a way to be in peace with your transition. :) great video !
I can only imagine the wave of people regretting it in close future, also hormones etc People disagree violently about their choices and rights and then..... I'm 37 and I cringe about myslef when I was 17 This generation is very weak, ill, disturbed.
Thank you for opening up with your raw honest experience. I appreciate it so very much. I have 4 teenage daughters and one of them is highly considering the surgery and it worries me. I’m just trying to get as much information as I can all around and your video helps. I hope things get better for you. You have a beautiful soul and your whole life ahead of you. Life can only go up from here❤️
Hi Cole. Thank you for sharing your experience and vulnerability. I don't know whether you would ever feel comfortable coming back to this channel but I find myself wondering how you're doing one year after posting this video. I certainly respect if you prefer your privacy and hope you are finding all the healing you need.
Thank you for sharing - it took courage and that is a beautiful trait to be much admired! I hope you continue to feel ok in the sense that you are ok with how your chest looks even though you regret it. We are not just our bodies and everyone looks at their own bodies differently and we all have our own likes and dislikes of other peoples bodies. Like another person commented, you can get reconstruction if you choose to at some point. But you are a beautiful strong person either way with a lot more to offer than many I see on UA-cam. God bless you.
i'm doing really good! this was the worst point in my life with regards to my grief over this. finding others who you can see yourself in, finding others who acknowledge and support your experience, and trauma therapy are all amazing!
Thank you for sharing, I'm going through a lot of the same stuff and it's really hard to not see many people talking about this. It's good to know we aren't alone in this at least.
I think this must be really difficult to share!! I have mad respect for anyone who is willing to share their mistakes, especially when it could help someone else make a more informed choice for themselves. I’m so sorry that you feel regret in your decision. I admire your strength and humility and I wish you the utmost happiness on your journey. ❤️❤️
Completely irrelevant, but I find your voice so soothing and relaxing. I quite literally could fall asleep right now if I wasn't so desperate to hear you out fully. The tone and speed in my opinion is very soothing. Anyway, sending you love. I know how bad regrets can hurt, the constant deep mental battle with a past decision.
Regret is one of the worst things feelings to have when it comes to surgery, I hope you’re able to make peace with it and I wish you the best. I’m planning on getting top surgery in the future and I know it’s what I want. Thanks for this insightful video.
Agreed. I’m 53. From ages 12- 22 , I was CONVINCED I was meant to have a masculine looking body. I mean I figured my brain was male, so my body should be too, right? I couldn’t stand my breasts/wanted to be like my guy friends and I hated my femininity. I had severe gender dysphoria. I dressed to pass as an androgynous/masculine guy. For YEARS. I was FULLY positive I would want that for the rest of my life. It was who I was. Or so I thought. I wanted testosterone and to remove my breasts, but there was nothing of the sort for dysphoria in the 1980’s. As my 20’s wore on I CHANGED completely, and in every way a human being can change. My 30th birthday had photos of my life posted up on walls at the party. I was amazed as my whole family was. The young person in the pictures was not who I was whatsoever, at 30. I still have those photos. I have continued to change enormously every decade since.
I nagged and hounded my parents, but they were adamant, "No!". So I brought my friends home to meet them, so they could meet other kids who had already done it and they could see they were normal people. Still didn't work, but then my mom met one of my friends' mom's and they discussed it. It was only then mom and dad finally said OK. My mom even came with me and watched my face as I tried them on. Those Dr Martens Astronauts . I was so proud of them. Over the years we would look back and laugh about the whole saga, even in my 30's it was a source of family humor. I no longer wear Dr Martens Astronauts As happens with ALL kids my self identity changed and developed as I grew up. I matured. Even Dr Martens changed to a different model.
This is a good video. It forces you into a perspective of why it's so important to consider transitioning, and just how far you want to go, and why. I'm currently awaiting a response from my insurance company regarding surgery. I'm 21, and I've been on HRT for 1 year. I've had binders and transtape, and as a result of binding too long, it is physically painful for me to wear anything other than a sports bra or tape. Even now, I still question whether or not I'll truly be happy with the route I'm taking, even as the person who is calling the shots for themselves (my parents are not involved in my transition. I'm the one who found therapists, doctors, pharmacies, etc in order to be able to go through with transitioning). I've wanted top surgery for years, and I've done research and discussed it with multiple people. And, you're right, it's hard to make life-altering decisions when you cannot, or will not, recognize the consequences. It's the very reason I *don't* want bottom surgery. I have no bottom dysphoria, and I feel no discomfort or hatred towards that part of me. However, I've always felt disdain with my chest. It takes a lot of understanding and planning to acknowledge the route you're taking. It's why a lot of surgeons now require letters from therapists and doctors who have worked with you. I'm grateful for that.
This question is meant in a kind way, just to help you work though everything so think on it and ponder it thoughtfully. would you have listened to anyone telling you these things at 17 given all the strident vilification against people like yourself speaking truthfully about their regrets from the trans side? With that said I admire your courage and honesty in trying to share your experiences, it will surely help others to avoid the pain you are feeling.
I actually don't think people who talk about issues like this are being vilified, when talking about their own experiences and feelings. There are many videos like this on UA-cam.
@@powderandpaint14From a percentage perspective the videos that vilify far outweigh videos like this. A reasonable estimate might be they outnumber this kind of video about 100 to 1 and I have seen the most horrid and hateful vitriol spewed and those expressing regret and those urging caution in urging trans therapy on very young people.
maybe, maybe not. i think it violent transphobes weren't endangering our lives and choices, i would have been less afraid and likely allowed myself to be more honest with myself and open with others. i think if the specific trans community i found myself in at the time had not vilified anyone that felt differently than them and i instead was exposed to a variety of trans experiences and gender experiences at large, all respected by each other, i would have been able to take them all at face value instead of feeling like some where dangerous because it could mean my choice would be stripped away. i also am bipolar and was undiagnosed all of my childhood and early adulthood, and this is why i have always felt a sense of urgency for every single decision and thought process, mundane or not. if any one of my therapists had been attentive or ethical enough to care when they did notice it and raised their eyebrows rather than letting me go as a client because of it or ignoring it, that would have been key as well. if i had been able to receive mental health treatment i needed in conjunction with discussing surgery, dysphoria, and counseling about my decision, that would have saved me a lot of trauma in general.
@@cole5334 what ‘violent transphobes’ are endangering you?? I have yet to see it yet TRA threaten people all the time who just want to help young ppl like urself
all the best cole . i see you for you you are and just because you regret something like that doesint mean you cant be who you wana be . live your life make the best of it
Thanks for sharing this. I'm currently thinking about getting top surgery, and after watching this, I think I'll give myself at least 2 to 3 years before making the actual decision. It can't hurt to think about stuff for a while first
I’m a lesbian and have been struggling lately with my gender identity. I feel non binary and it’s the first time I’m really letting myself feel it. I tell my friends I wish I could easily take my boobs off and put them back on whenever I feel like it. I love my boobs but also hate them when I want to be perceived as more masculine. I fluctuate constantly between masculinity and femininity. Anyways. Idk why I’m here. But seems like I was meant to see this. I hope you’re doing well and are happy in this moment ✌🏽
I feel the same but about my facial hair. I'm gay and I feel non binary. Sometimes I like (or I don't mind) to have a moustache and a beard (always shaved, I hate them when they aren't shaved) but other times I just want to wax them and never see them on my face again. I just don't have the courage to do that. It's not permanent compared to top surgery, so you have to be 100% sure if that's what you want or not.
Gender is bullshit. Just be you. You can't change your sex but you can play with presentation. You don't need to be a man to be masc, or not have breasts to be masc. You can be a masc female.
@@billmartins5545 what is masculinity? Isn't it acting to a steroetype to manipulate others perceptions? How can we manipulate others perceptions, acting in prescriptive waysm and still be truly free? Surely self acceptance and self love is the only way to counter dysphoria?
Your boobs are not a problem. They are part of you. Don't dissect parts of your body or create a separation between your mind & your body. Self acceptance needs acceptance of the full self, including your body. Good luck
@@tobe3940 Exactly, that's an aesthetic. I don't think it's realistic to say a womens breasts will ever go away as we have mammorary glands but kids don't want to do this. They want cosmetic surgery right now.
It took a lot of strength to have put out this vid. Im sorry your life took this turn.. How are you now?, a year later? You can be a voice of caution protecting others from the same destiny. Wish you all the best. Stay strong!
I'm gathering a variety of perspectives as a trans person at 31. I've been living as a woman for decades and I know for sure that I want to transition. So sorry you didn't get the time to explore your gender identity as well as your sexuality. You seem to be describing how you feel you're being perceived and how it connects you with your partners. I think it's something to unpack with a therapist as well as believing these intimacy issues stem from having top surgery. Wishing you all the best 👍🏿
thank you for sharing your story. I think its very important for younger people, that think about having top surgery to know the consequences and to see it in a different light. Of course not everybody regrets it afterwards, but some might, so its very important to see the experience of those who do regret it, to take a step back and rethink their decision, as to try and prevent mistakes from happening. As a trans non binary person myself, that considers having top surgery, this helped me a lot.
@@shomshomni2314 it is possible since from what I've read so far, being trans just means that you don't identify with you birth gender and like it's appearance, and it's different with many people if they identify as nb, male, female or something else
@@shomshomni2314 transgender means your gender does not align with the gender you were assigned (labeled) at birth. non-binary is one type of trans experience. another type is being a binary trans person (trans man, trans woman).
You might appreciate listening to Grace and Carol discuss top surgery regret on Grace Lidinsky’s channel - always good to know there are others going through the same thing. Best wishes to you. ❤️
I would urge anyone feeling discomfort or hate for their breasts to give yourself time to grow and develop and be aware that breast discomfort is extremely common amongst gender non conforming females and those on the autism spectrum. Many of us have experienced extreme discomfort and distress over breast development and we grew out of it. We hated the way our body changed through puberty, the way it feminised and how it resulted in attracting the male gaze and unwanted sexual attention from boys and adult men. It can take years to feel comfortable in your own skin, especially if you are on the autism spectrum. However, I do not know ANY female who loved their bodies as teens or even in their 20’s/30’s. (We tend to not give a shit by he time we hit our 40’s). I got over my breast phobia after puberty and was able to embrace my sexuality and gender non conformity. I think training as a nursery nurse and being around a lot of breast feeding mums and babies helped as l was exposed to the genuine wonders of breasts, rather than the horrible sexualised, misogynistic way society treats them. There is a reason why mothers and aunties will bash a young girls developing breasts in certain parts of Africa. In an attempt to stop them from growing. It’s not to be abusive or cruel, but it’s to protect young girls from being sexualised, molested. raped, stds, HIV…and forced into marriage. I can see why so many young girls in society would elect to remove their breasts. They are horribly sexualised and shamed for doing the thing they were supposed to do. I want to see more girls get angry and find their inner warrior and fight the misogyny.
As a gay binary trans man, it hurts my heart you didn't get a chance to explore yourself before you had this very permanent surgery. If given the chance, I would have leaped at the opportunity to have top surgery at 16, but I know I would have regretted it getting it so young. Thank you for sharing your story, and I'm sorry for all the people who are disgusted by us as trans ppl trying to weaponize your experience against others.
Thank you for sharing your story! I’m 16, and hoping to get top surgery this year. I agree it goes way deeper than just dysphoria. For me i’ve put in perspective because when I imagine my future I have a flat chest and i can’t imagine it any other way without being upset. I’m sorry that you made a choice you regret and I really wish you all the best.
As a teenager, it can be difficult to envision a future other then the one one pictures in their mind, but that picture can change, ESPECIALLY in the early 20’s. Id personally say sit with the idea for a few years before making a choice as a teenager, that will effect the next 60+ years of life.
@@OMGITSGB it all goes on a case by case basis. I am 18 and I am getting top surgery next week. I have been identifying as a trans man for I think around 5 years now. Some people know right away what they need and they get surgery and/or go on hormones and its the best decision they have ever made. For some people they need to sit on the idea and make sure it is right for them. I agree with you that this person should wait a little bit of time to make sure this is what they want to do, just because they are only 16. But the only thing we know about this person is their age, we know nothing else. I understand you are trying to help them but you could have worded it a lot differently. The person in the video even said they weren't sure about top surgery, why would you get a permanent surgery if it is not something you are 1000000% sure about??? This person in the video does not represent all trans people and my experience doesn't represent all of us either. We are all different and we all go through different experiences.
@@OMGITSGB I had feelings when I was younger that I was trans as well. When I was in grade 5, around 9-10 years old, I truly thought I was growing male genitalia. I'm guessing I didn't understand genitalia at the time, but I was so excited. If I didn't think I was supposed to have that genitlia than I probably would have ran to my mother screaming and crying. When I started developing my chest, around 12-13 I believe, I started having a panic attack, balling my eyes out in the shower, and proceeded to try and push my chest back into my body. I had problems wearing "female" clothing when I was younger sometimes. Sometimes I would voice it to my parents and sometimes I wouldn't, anxiety is great haha. I have, for sure, questioned my sexuality and gender. I think it is very healthy to do so. If someone is so sure in their gender and is just making permanent changes to their body without thinking, then I think that is very irresponsible and very concerning. Ever since other trans people started questioning the validity of other's identities, I started doubting myself. Not because of anything I personally did or said but because of the opinions of others. What if I am going to detransition? What if I am going to end up like them? What if I am just a lesbian? I have been on testosterone for the past 9 months and I couldn't be happier. I started taking hormone blockers in September 2019 I believe. I do not regret any of the changes that I have gotten with these medications. The only thing I can really think of is that I can't sing as well as I used to cause my voice is still settling in. I have been trying to get top surgery since July 2020. I was supposed to get top surgery this Tuesday but it got cancelled because of some past medical history complications. You are probably so happy it got cancelled. Overall, I am someone who has major anxiety issues and I try and look at something from every perspective before making changes. I made sure I wanted to go on testosterone. I made sure I wanted to get top surgery. And I couldn't be more happier. I clicked on this video to open up my mind and to see other's perspectives on the topic. It is very important to give other people a platform who have detransitioned. But as I can see in this comment section, people are just going to take this one video and run with it. They are going to say that all trans people who are getting surgery are like this. If you truly understood what trans individuals went through, you would understand that you can't just wait for these surgeries and gender affirming care. Sometimes it means life or death.
@@OMGITSGB you do know 95% of trans people come out after the age of 17 also most people who do experience dysphoria from an early age grow out of it mostly before puberty, whereas dysphoria developing is most common during puberty or the starting of puberty so don't talk about shit u don't know all because it's become trendy u don't know other people shut your mouth
I recently discovered that I'm non-binary and that I have dysphoria about my breasts. So thank you for sharing your experience cause it helped me to think about my top surgery under a new angle.
Most women have very ambivalent relationship with their breasts. We know it's the way society/men/others respond/perceive them and therefore us. They objectify us because of them. I detested mine. Still do. Nearly had them removed at 17 and I'm pretty much straight, cis though I've had physical relationships with women. I suppose what I'm trying to say is it's not YOU it's the western world that is so eff'd up about breasts.
I'm starting to feel like surgery isn't for non-binary people. There is too much fluidity and it seems the people who regret their surgeries are usually non binary.
Unfortunately whats done is done. Accept and love yourself regardless of having gotten the surgery. Funny thing is someone out there will love you just as you are. I think you look amazing.
This is something that baffles me. Let me explain. When I was 30 I had my 5th child. I knew I was done because all of my kids were born via c-section and a 6th could be fatal. I was getting my tubes tied immediately after they delivered my last child and asked if I could just have my uterus removed. Why go through periods if I can’t have any more kids anyways? They would not do it. No dr would. This was 11 years ago. I don’t understand how so many young people can go and have these life changing surgeries and drs jump on it. Yet they refused a partial hysterectomy to someone that couldn’t have kids anymore anyways.
I'm sorry you went through this and I hope you can feel yourself on your body. I still feel like I need more time to take some decisions and I'm 22. Maybe if I were younger when I figured out my gender identity, I'd rush some decisions too. Don't blame yourself! I was pretty sure I want top surgery before watching this video, but now I'm 100% no doubt. I really want that surgery. I want to come home from work and take a shower, and after that, when I'm just with myself, smile to my own image on the mirror and walk shirtless to my bedroom. I think I may want moments like this more than the social thing. But I don't pass now. I have doubts like yours, but about going on T. I still don't know if I want it because I NEVER pass or because I'd feel better with myself. Probably both, but I need some more time to think.
Thank you for this. As a non-binary lesbian myself, I really needed this video. Didn't have any surgeries, don't want any surgeries, but videos like this are so, so important. I used to want a flat chest to ease my social dysphoria, but I don't need it for myself. (Binding and making my chest appear flat is great though, gives me major gender euphoria even when I'm alone in my room.)
I’m sorry if this comes across as rude, that is not my intention, but I am genuinely curious about something you wrote. How is it possible to be a non-binary lesbian? My understanding is that non-binary people don’t identify with either gender, but lesbian implies the identification of a woman. Isn’t that the same thing as just saying you’re a lesbian who isn’t necessarily feminine? I guess I am confused about the non-binary stuff. Trans people do believe in gender, because they want to feel/be perceived as a gender that is different from their biological sex.
I am so sorry that you didn’t receive the proper therapy before you made that drastic of a decision. Growing breasts was strange for me…. I am 45 now…. Things were different in the 90’s. Blessings on your journey! I hope the best for you!!!! 💜✌🏼🙏🏼
@@comment3711 Im pretty sure they said they were non-binary. Also the age is so young because so many people weren’t making it to 18 to be able to transition and allowing it at 16 with parental permission and a diagnosis and all the preparation that goes into transitioning is a good thing over 99% of the time. These stories matter but they are not common enough to change the age law because that will only cause more death.
I'm MTFTM. Transitioning medically is very serious. I support people's freedom but patients should be able to hear all stories to make an informed decision. Thank you for you story.
One of the reasons I find my parents frustrating throughout coming out as trans and one of the big things holding me back from fully coming out to them is because I know they are going to tell my im should wait. I’m youngish and I am almost completely sure that I am a trans guy but im sort of glad my parents are couscous because I know they want me to be happy in the long run. I want to start testosterone now but I know that I don’t know nor can I know who I really am because I am still developing mentally. I have shown signs of dysphoria my whole childhood but that might not always result in me being a trans guy. Though it is very frustrating sometimes, I know my parents are looking out for me and I love them for that.
I don't want to call myself non-binary, because that is not how I see myself. I am a man and I am a woman. Transform between both. With this constellation I am a kind of third gender. Since I embody masculinity and femininity it's difficult to make myself understood. Trans is associated with transition. When I was in therapy for the trans issue, the therapists suggested Mastek and Microdose Testo to deepen the voice. I was older and knew I had to take care of myself. If it's not what I need and is aggravating me instead of relieving me, then I have to bear it. I found that one Mastek didn't get the job done. That I also have a feminine side. And I can't physically transition back and forth. Although I feel trans and would rather swim with a pair of swim shorts. Which I can't because I have to put something on my chest. But I decided against the Mastek. The therapist then said I wasn't trans at all. Even said I was transphobic because I was afraid of surgery. I went to another therapy. This therapist said she understands that gender is a spectrum. I had faith there. Again, the usual course of action was suggested to me. I said no, it's just difficult. I am not one or the other. That's what makes it so difficult for me. I need someone who understands this. She said if I don't do surgeries and don't take hormones, I'm not trans. She just have people as clients who transitioning from male to female or female to male. I understood that non-binary world is not accepted in society. I name it non binary because it is the language used in society.
@@CYPH3RRR420 The issue in my case is very complicated. I understand what you think. And thank you for looking for understanding. There are two contexts. 2 paradigm systems. A paradigm means a context under whose definition everyone uses the same words. So that you can discuss with each other and it makes sense. Because everyone agrees with the concept. In concept 1, are the words that society has agreed on. These are the gender words mentioned - bi-gender or gender-fluid. In this concept I would classify myself as genderqueer. Why- Since I do not correspond to heterosexuality in terms of sexual orientation and gender. I could also say: I am gender nonconforming. Other people tell me "a person who is not man not woman in in any way is defined as - non-binary. ...That's what's called it in the gender paradigm system. But that is not my expierience and not my truth. In concept 2. That's where I am. The paradigm that society has no longer applies. My identity is to be two-spirited, men's like. It is the fourth gender. It's so complicated because that is not adapted to our culture and the meaning of the words. It's a different paradigm or belief system.
Hey I’m sorry you feel like this/ it’s completely valid the way you’re feeling. But just wanted to say that even if you did that, it doesn’t mean you can’t have that intimacy and connection with someone. I understand your point but remember that it doesn’t make you whole to have a chest. You’re still beautiful and someone who is admiring you will still be able to have a connection with you. Wish u the best and strength. Thanks for opening up
I hate how medicalized being trans is, even by fellow trans people. You never should have felt like top surgery was "just the next logical step." It's always a super personal decision for every individual. I personally do want top surgery, cause I'm kinda the opposite of you I hate my boobs most when I'm alone with my body, but I definitely don't want to do hrt anymore. There was a time in my life when I almost went on HRT because it was just the "next logical step" and even though the circumstances were terrible (transphobic doctor) I'm glad I didn't end up going through with it. If society would just respect trans people from the moment they say "hey I'm trans please use this name and pronouns" I think a lot fewer people would get as much or any surgery/hrt. the majority probably still would and that's great if it's what they truly want for themselves and not because of any outside pressure! like... if you happen to love the body you already have but still feel that you're trans? Congratulations, you're trans! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Nobody else can decide that for you. And hey if you hate your body and want certain "trans treatments" but identify as cis? Also valid! It's your body! We need to talk more about medical regret (as well as detransitioning!) in our community. Nobody should have to go through this and when they do they shouldn't have to face it alone.
I worry about surgeons approving these surgeries for teens... It's a complicated issue but I can only speak from my experience. I considered transitioning up until I was 21, hated my body and very uncomfortable with my feminity. By my mid 20s, I started to love all those things while embracing my feminity more and more. I feel like I would've regretted moving forward with top surgery. Every person is different of course but it is such a huge life changing decision for any teen to be able to make. Puberty is a fucking wretched experience, being uncomfortable and even hating your body is pretty common during those years. The brain isn't even fully developed until our mid 20s. It seems like a time where one can easily think doing this one thing will fix how they feel but that isn't necessarily the case. The topic is very complicated and I can't know everything or every person's experience in life but my worries remain that teens will move through puberty, their brains will fully develop and their ideas of the world will too change, as mine did. But in some cases, they cannot change what is already done. I'm sorry that is your experience. My heart hurts for you. Thank you for your honesty ♥️ I do not see many people making videos like this, even though I read about people having similar experiences. And it sounds like some doctors aren't covering these topics fully but I could be wrong. Your truth is very important for people to hear before having life changing procedures.
all the best, hope you can somehow fix the situation at least partially. I am pre-everything trans and I'm glad you're not just weaponizing your words against your own community (which seems likely with detransitioners :(...). I'll take your advice don't worry. this video isn't for nothing. I'll think about surgery very hard and when I'm grown a bit :)
I think its tragic. I wish ppl could just be who they want in their own skin. I think the medical industry is taking advantage of this. But God loves you, thanks for sharing.
Hi. I was trying to think of ways to help. Have you tried prosthetic breasts? Perhaps just to see what it'd be like. Thank you for taking the time to share your experience.
Being part of a community is all well and good but in the end we are all individuals. No one else can carry our pain and regret. Therefore we have to do things that are good for us, first and foremost and not because we want to be part of a community. Work on loving yourself.
I’m a 62 year old female, and went through times when I wished I was a boy. I didn’t like puberty and felt weird about the changes. I didn’t want male parts either. I’m glad I just got through the stages and came to a place where I accept my imperfect body. I pray for everyone in the world, and hope that each of you will feel the love of Christ.
That was me! I remember crying looking at my body changing and hated it. I’m grateful that it was just a phase in my life. I had to learn to love myself.
@@Onelightoftheworld I appreciate your opinion. To clarify, to make sure I understand, you as a child hated your body and are glad you didn’t change yours, but you think children should have the right to change their bodies. Is that right? Thx!
@@jaycole2109 I really don’t care what other people do but adults should be wise with our youth. A lot of changes are happening before the age of 18, and giving children hormones is not something I think is advantageous.
even as a trans man, i agree that u shouldn't be allowed to get either form of surgery when ur under 18 at the very least, bc u might end up regretting as u get older
Purely to understand I have some questions it’s for anyone to answer . Do you think if we did not have societal norms of what men and woman’s should be like or can and cannot do. If we lived in an ideal world of acceptance. Would anyone want to change the physical aspect of their body with surgery? Would people want to transition then? Is the need to be transsexual due to the societal norms ? Or is it something that would be there even if it wasn’t there ? I’m sorry if my questions offended anyone I do not mean to. I just want to understand the reason what plays a factor. That being said, I have no opinions on this matter, I hope and wish the best for ppl in whatever journey they take.
Hey, I understand that you went through a really hard time and regret getting top surgery but I want everyone to know that only a small percent of people who go through medical changes regret getting it done. Surgery can save someone’s life. And the way you explain it Cole is really helpful for some young people wondering how it can affect you if it’s the wrong decision
thanks!
@@sebastianwragg6773 statistics show suicidality is highest for trans people 10+ years after transitioning.
According to you trans people are so "valid" they literally kill themselves if they don't get expensive, dangerous, unnecessary surgeries, but at the same time you expect people to believe these people are of sound mind, lol
You can't speak for everybody and this is only one out of the unknown figure telling own story, I respect this person's bravery to share story with others, just to let people know how this decision at such a young age impact on this human being life and emotions. Nothings wrong with this. Wishing you all the best young one.
People take there own lives because of the regret they have getting these mutilations. Quit lying and trying to speak for all of the alphabet people. Lol.
@@ciara6694 people also take their lives because they can’t get the surgery and all I was trying to say is that Cole was going about it a a good way and explaining what could happen
When I was in highschool my junior/senior year I really didn't like my curves, including my chest. I wore large clothing and wore chest binders once I got to my senior year. I felt so happy with it on. Thought about not wanting boobs frequently. Four years later, in my twenties, I am a lot more feminine in comparison and love my curves/chest. I would be devastated if I had gotten any surgery. I still am masculine, always have been more or less. I realized I was only embarrassed and ashamed to be feminine in any way because of how feminine characteristics can be seen as weak, and because of my negative experiences with being used or treated as an object because of my female body. I'm biologically female and have always identified as female up until now. I definitely wasn't mature enough in highschool to be able to make decisions like top surgery. I was going through a stage of truly not accepting my body or feeling comfortable with it no matter how it looked. But I love my body now and am comfortable with both my masculinity and femininity. I have realized the strength and beauty in femininity and still appreciate my masculine traits. That's just my experience.
"trans matter! They want to rid themselves of puberty cause they dont like it, accept it BIGOT"
I think we all hated puberty and pimples lol, bone growth hurts like a bitch
Imagine if people would just be ok with being who they are wether a masculine female or feminine male and stop getting caught up in trying to fit into or make up a gender to describe themselves.
I'm similar, and you really get right to the point, saying feminine traits are seen as weak. For many, it's an embarrassment to be female. It took me a while to feel strong enough to be feminine. I overplayed masculinity as a defense mechanism when I was young.
Yep! I wanted to be a boy in grade 1-2, mostly because I thought bam bam from the Flintstones was cool. Even before that, I never felt like I had to be the mother or have baby when playing house. I was fine if friends said I was the dad. I grew up with a masculine father and a mother with many masculine traits. I grew out of wanting to be a boy with time and also when I learned about sex surgery because it scared me lol my mum just called me a tomboy the whole time.
I also wore big, baggy boy clothes in high school sometimes. I also remember really liking the androgynous clothes/look for a while, maybe even around 18-19. I've through a lot of girl-boy phases but I'm 35 now and I LOVE being a woman!
@@Cafeallday222 Great story. People forget it's difficult owning femininity. We are told it's the weaker sex. It's not. But that can take a while to discover, within this culture. What is feminine power exactly? It's not just sexual allure. That's just how the men see it, or some men.
If I may be so bold as to speak of this heavy topic lightly, it really do be Schrödinger's chest
That said I want to thank you for sharing your experience. I’m nonbinary and I have been thinking very seriously of getting top surgery for a long while now, and it’s really important to hear about a variety of experiences. It’s very impactful to hear from someone who is trans and who remains trans even though you regret top surgery and would rather have your old chest, as opposed to hearing from people detransitioning or people who’s surgeon’s mutated their chest, or something of that nature. At the very least I’m now much more open to considering keeping my current chest. Thank you again for putting this out there and talking about it!
I’m ftm and approaching a top surgery consultation, thank you for sharing your story, it’s helped me see this next step in a new light.
Update? Is your surgery scheduled/ how did the consultation go?
update?
@@finnatlas2494 because I believe that there will be irreversible psychological scars as a result. There is no medical need to remove healthy functional tissues that are designed to nourish and nurture an infant (among other things).The idea of double (and an unsightly) mastectomy on very young impressionable women (for no good reason) has gained traction and legitimacy. I believe this is a grave error and society is selling a real bill of goods to these young women. We have yet to see the negative repercussions on a fuller scale. That will be revealed in the future and I am very saddened because I think that many lives will be destroyed because of this ideology.
@@finnatlas2494 the fact that there is a visceral reaction when anyone questions the idea of removing, replacing, altering the body surgically due to mental/emotional/ psychological occurrences, is the reason many are starting to believe that the trans movement is actually a religion.
What happened to “question everything”?
@@finnatlas2494 "usually a person who realized they weren't trans AFTER THEY GOT THE SURGERY".....so you accept that some of these people who are getting the surgery are not trans? Can you not see the issue here????
As a 16 year old trans masculine person, this helps me broaden my perspective so much about how much thought really needs to go into this. I've been pondering top surgery for the past 2 years and I thank you so much for sharing your story. I wish you well with these feelings and regrets you've been experiencing. ❤️❤️
i think i might regret my own top surgery
i had it done five years ago and it’s brought me so much happiness and relief in that time
but over the passed few months ive been having growing feelings of dysphoria towards my chest
i feel like i look like a child
i’ve been hiding myself in baggy clothes and big jackets
i don’t know i guess i just understand some of what you’re going through and i’m sorry that it’s so difficult
Maybe try working out your pecs!
Maybe you can workout to feel better and love yourself more ❤️
I hope you have found peace. Praying for you 🤍
You jumped the gun and now you are part of a science experiment. I know for a fact that this was planned to sterilize you all who are mentally confused.
give your life to Jesus before it's too late
how you described wanting a flat chest because of how people perceive you and like aesthetically having a flat chest under all your clothes so there's no bump there but when you're just alone and by yourself feeling connected to your chest in some way and also like with partners and everything is literally EXACTLY how i feel. i haven't seen anyone describe it as well as in this video, its like you read my mind and put it into words for me. /gen /pos
so nice to hear someone else relates!
It’s really important to share these kinds of stories. Though most trans people don’t regret their surgery, it’s still good to look at why some people who got the surgeries may regret it. Yours for example really emphasizes two important things:
1) how we should make sure the people getting these surgeries aren’t mixing up how they want to present in public vs how they feel about their body. When making these choices, we should be pushed to see ourselves alone and naked in our room or something and think about that hard.
2) Medical transition is not necessary for being trans and this should be preached as loud as possible to people who feel they are trans don’t feel like they have to or should get these surgeries simply because you are trans. You are valid regardless
Thank you for sharing this! I’ve had similar feelings about my chest as a trans masc individual myself. It’s nice to hear about another non binary person who feels the same as me about it
most regret it, don't lie
why you lyin' Linden?
@@allmigthygoddess939 statistically most don’t regret it. That doesn’t make it any less important to consider that regret is a possibility that should be taken into careful consideration.
Stop lying lots of trans people regent surgery they just afraid to admit it
Thank you for sharing your experience, people dont want to admit this is a problem and it takes courage to admit the truth. Thank you
Respect!! Thank you for sharing and possibly helping someone. More of these talks need to be had. 💓
So sorry for ur pain, and thank u for speaking up. Takes a lot of courage, and ur voice is very much needed.👍
Going through something very similar. I am nearing 30 and had my surgery at 20, now very regretful of it after an initial 2-3 year period of satisfaction. I miss parts of my body and I feel I have to grieve the experiences I could have had with them as a mentally healthy adult in a stable, loving lesbian relationship. LMK if you want to talk. It isn't the end of the world but it sure isn't nothing and I wish surgeons wouldn't take operating on young people so lightly.
May i ask as to what you miss about them? The hoops i have to jump through feel ridiculous to me and i think I shouldn’t have to go through this for top surgery. In my opinion the younger you can get this done the better its such a shame to waste your youth hating you body i only wish i couldve had this done when i was 20 or even much younger. And also if you regret it whats stopping you from getting implants?
@@jazminechan7283 it’s not that easy to just get implants. people act like it’s an easy procedure, insurance also will not cover that. transitioning people younger and younger is not always the best option. lots of kids grow out of gender discomfort and some don’t. 18 is young enough
@@jazminechan7283 if you hate your body, changing it won't help. The problem is your mind, not your body.
@@vex3575 also, implants can make people sick and they're not nearly the same thing as real breasts.
how do you think they would pay for their expensive lifestyles if not for you.
That was a courageous video to make, and one which I imagine will prove really helpful to lots of other young people who are struggling with certain aspects of their bodies in relation to their gender identity.
I really hope you find happiness with your self and your body, whether that involves some kind of "corrective" surgery, or not. Very best of luck to you. Sending hugs 💕
Thank you for sharing. I’m sure it’s really hard to deal with these emotions and even more difficult to speak them publicly. I’m hoping this helps someone else! You are brave and strong
I’m sorry about the regret. Your feelings are valid. Don’t feel guilty for sharing. I hope you get relief soon. Thank you for sharing
Don't validate mental illness
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry you felt pushed to make such a life altering experience at such an early age. This experience seems like it is prompting you to ask existential questions that most of us won't confront until much later in life and we've experienced more. I wish you the best in your life's journey. Peace. Healing. Acceptance.
As a trans (ftn) person myself, I never once thought about NOT getting top surgery. It isn't an option for me. I try to consider living life without it, and it honestly isn't an option. Videos like this solidify my feelings and my confidence in my decisions even further. To other trans teens out there, if you're not sure, wait until you are. I've been 100% certain about transitioning since I was 18. Sometimes I regret not doing it sooner, but I waited until I was certain and that is something I am grateful for. Take the time to know yourself. :)
youre so strong for talking about this, no one should make you feel ashamed for this.. i wish you nothing but the best in the future
you were extremately young.. at young ages is more probably to regret at big desicions like this...
Thank you for sharing your story. It's valid and important. I'm so sorry for everything you've gone through, especially at such a young age.
You are so kind and so strong. We are all so grateful for your courage to speak your truth.
I feel so sorry you've had to experience this.
I have always wanted top surgery since my chest grew
And I suppose the main difference is I would never have describes myself as liking my chest or thinking it looks good or making sense for me
Like how you viewed yours beforehand.
I feel it was such a shame for you to not have been able to verbalise yourself in this way to a therapist who could have realigned you with yourself before commiting to a surgery that you'd come to later regret.
With that being said
I think it's so courageous for you to talk about it , and be so vulnerable in your truth.
I think it will help others like yourself who may have realised that they feel more like you and will perhaps not go through with the surgery... and for others it will confirm that they did infact do the right thing.
All the best for you.
You seem like such a nice person and I hope you find a way to be in peace with your transition.
:) great video !
I can only imagine the wave of people regretting it in close future, also hormones etc People disagree violently about their choices and rights and then..... I'm 37 and I cringe about myslef when I was 17
This generation is very weak, ill, disturbed.
Thank you for opening up with your raw honest experience. I appreciate it so very much. I have 4 teenage daughters and one of them is highly considering the surgery and it worries me. I’m just trying to get as much information as I can all around and your video helps. I hope things get better for you. You have a beautiful soul and your whole life ahead of you. Life can only go up from here❤️
thank you for this, i really needed this
Hi Cole. Thank you for sharing your experience and vulnerability. I don't know whether you would ever feel comfortable coming back to this channel but I find myself wondering how you're doing one year after posting this video. I certainly respect if you prefer your privacy and hope you are finding all the healing you need.
I have been meaning to make a video now that it is about two years later and my life and mental health are in a very different place!
Thank you for sharing - it took courage and that is a beautiful trait to be much admired! I hope you continue to feel ok in the sense that you are ok with how your chest looks even though you regret it. We are not just our bodies and everyone looks at their own bodies differently and we all have our own likes and dislikes of other peoples bodies. Like another person commented, you can get reconstruction if you choose to at some point. But you are a beautiful strong person either way with a lot more to offer than many I see on UA-cam. God bless you.
Thank you for sharing your honest & raw feelings. I would love to hear how are are doing today !
i'm doing really good! this was the worst point in my life with regards to my grief over this. finding others who you can see yourself in, finding others who acknowledge and support your experience, and trauma therapy are all amazing!
Thank you for sharing, I'm going through a lot of the same stuff and it's really hard to not see many people talking about this. It's good to know we aren't alone in this at least.
I think this must be really difficult to share!! I have mad respect for anyone who is willing to share their mistakes, especially when it could help someone else make a more informed choice for themselves. I’m so sorry that you feel regret in your decision. I admire your strength and humility and I wish you the utmost happiness on your journey. ❤️❤️
Thank you so much for sharing your experience❤❤
Hi Cole you are very brave for opening up.....thank you for sharing your story!
My heart goes out to you and I pray that you find peace. Your story will help others who are in your position.
Thank you for sharing! It can prevent somebody to make decisions they might regret later. Wish you all the best.
Thank you for sharing. You are helping by sharing your story 💜
Thanks for being truthful and vulnerable and brave.
Completely irrelevant, but I find your voice so soothing and relaxing. I quite literally could fall asleep right now if I wasn't so desperate to hear you out fully. The tone and speed in my opinion is very soothing. Anyway, sending you love. I know how bad regrets can hurt, the constant deep mental battle with a past decision.
aw, thanks! many people have fallen asleep while i am mid-sentence, apparently my voice is very sleepy-inducing
@@cole5334 you have such a calming voice I'd love you to read to me, even if it was just the encyclopedia 🤣
Regret is one of the worst things feelings to have when it comes to surgery, I hope you’re able to make peace with it and I wish you the best. I’m planning on getting top surgery in the future and I know it’s what I want. Thanks for this insightful video.
You are sick and mislead by very evil people.
What we want now is rarely what we want forever.
Agreed. I’m 53. From ages 12- 22 , I was CONVINCED I was meant to have a masculine looking body. I mean I figured my brain was male, so my body should be too, right? I couldn’t stand my breasts/wanted to be like my guy friends and I hated my femininity. I had severe gender dysphoria. I dressed to pass as an androgynous/masculine guy. For YEARS.
I was FULLY positive I would want that for the rest of my life. It was who I was. Or so I thought.
I wanted testosterone and to remove my breasts, but there was nothing of the sort for dysphoria in the 1980’s.
As my 20’s wore on I CHANGED completely, and in every way a human being can change. My 30th birthday had photos of my life posted up on walls at the party. I was amazed as my whole family was. The young person in the pictures was not who I was whatsoever, at 30.
I still have those photos.
I have continued to change enormously every decade since.
Thanks for making this video. This honest truth will help alot of others. Wishing you the best x
Thank you for sharing your story. Very helpful.
I nagged and hounded my parents, but they were adamant, "No!". So I brought my friends home to meet them, so they could meet other kids who had already done it and they could see they were normal people. Still didn't work, but then my mom met one of my friends' mom's and they discussed it. It was only then mom and dad finally said OK. My mom even came with me and watched my face as I tried them on. Those Dr Martens Astronauts . I was so proud of them. Over the years we would look back and laugh about the whole saga, even in my 30's it was a source of family humor. I no longer wear Dr Martens Astronauts As happens with ALL kids my self identity changed and developed as I grew up. I matured. Even Dr Martens changed to a different model.
This is a good video.
It forces you into a perspective of why it's so important to consider transitioning, and just how far you want to go, and why.
I'm currently awaiting a response from my insurance company regarding surgery. I'm 21, and I've been on HRT for 1 year. I've had binders and transtape, and as a result of binding too long, it is physically painful for me to wear anything other than a sports bra or tape.
Even now, I still question whether or not I'll truly be happy with the route I'm taking, even as the person who is calling the shots for themselves (my parents are not involved in my transition. I'm the one who found therapists, doctors, pharmacies, etc in order to be able to go through with transitioning).
I've wanted top surgery for years, and I've done research and discussed it with multiple people. And, you're right, it's hard to make life-altering decisions when you cannot, or will not, recognize the consequences. It's the very reason I *don't* want bottom surgery. I have no bottom dysphoria, and I feel no discomfort or hatred towards that part of me. However, I've always felt disdain with my chest.
It takes a lot of understanding and planning to acknowledge the route you're taking. It's why a lot of surgeons now require letters from therapists and doctors who have worked with you. I'm grateful for that.
This question is meant in a kind way, just to help you work though everything so think on it and ponder it thoughtfully. would you have listened to anyone telling you these things at 17 given all the strident vilification against people like yourself speaking truthfully about their regrets from the trans side? With that said I admire your courage and honesty in trying to share your experiences, it will surely help others to avoid the pain you are feeling.
I actually don't think people who talk about issues like this are being vilified, when talking about their own experiences and feelings. There are many videos like this on UA-cam.
@@powderandpaint14From a percentage perspective the videos that vilify far outweigh videos like this. A reasonable estimate might be they outnumber this kind of video about 100 to 1 and I have seen the most horrid and hateful vitriol spewed and those expressing regret and those urging caution in urging trans therapy on very young people.
maybe, maybe not. i think it violent transphobes weren't endangering our lives and choices, i would have been less afraid and likely allowed myself to be more honest with myself and open with others. i think if the specific trans community i found myself in at the time had not vilified anyone that felt differently than them and i instead was exposed to a variety of trans experiences and gender experiences at large, all respected by each other, i would have been able to take them all at face value instead of feeling like some where dangerous because it could mean my choice would be stripped away.
i also am bipolar and was undiagnosed all of my childhood and early adulthood, and this is why i have always felt a sense of urgency for every single decision and thought process, mundane or not. if any one of my therapists had been attentive or ethical enough to care when they did notice it and raised their eyebrows rather than letting me go as a client because of it or ignoring it, that would have been key as well. if i had been able to receive mental health treatment i needed in conjunction with discussing surgery, dysphoria, and counseling about my decision, that would have saved me a lot of trauma in general.
@@cole5334 what ‘violent transphobes’ are endangering you?? I have yet to see it yet TRA threaten people all the time who just want to help young ppl like urself
@@randomness8819 wth? Most unhelpful comment, rude and totally unnecessary.
Thank you for sharing this experience.
Wish you the best.
all the best cole . i see you for you you are and just because you regret something like that doesint mean you cant be who you wana be . live your life make the best of it
It's been a year. I hope you're okay and find peace
Thanks for sharing this. I'm currently thinking about getting top surgery, and after watching this, I think I'll give myself at least 2 to 3 years before making the actual decision. It can't hurt to think about stuff for a while first
I’m a lesbian and have been struggling lately with my gender identity. I feel non binary and it’s the first time I’m really letting myself feel it. I tell my friends I wish I could easily take my boobs off and put them back on whenever I feel like it. I love my boobs but also hate them when I want to be perceived as more masculine. I fluctuate constantly between masculinity and femininity. Anyways. Idk why I’m here. But seems like I was meant to see this. I hope you’re doing well and are happy in this moment ✌🏽
I feel the same but about my facial hair. I'm gay and I feel non binary. Sometimes I like (or I don't mind) to have a moustache and a beard (always shaved, I hate them when they aren't shaved) but other times I just want to wax them and never see them on my face again. I just don't have the courage to do that. It's not permanent compared to top surgery, so you have to be 100% sure if that's what you want or not.
Gender is bullshit. Just be you. You can't change your sex but you can play with presentation. You don't need to be a man to be masc, or not have breasts to be masc. You can be a masc female.
@@billmartins5545 what is masculinity? Isn't it acting to a steroetype to manipulate others perceptions? How can we manipulate others perceptions, acting in prescriptive waysm and still be truly free? Surely self acceptance and self love is the only way to counter dysphoria?
Your boobs are not a problem. They are part of you. Don't dissect parts of your body or create a separation between your mind & your body. Self acceptance needs acceptance of the full self, including your body. Good luck
@@tobe3940 Exactly, that's an aesthetic. I don't think it's realistic to say a womens breasts will ever go away as we have mammorary glands but kids don't want to do this. They want cosmetic surgery right now.
Thank you for sharing this👏🏾💕
Thank you for making this video 💖 Hope you’re doing okay
It took a lot of strength to have put out this vid. Im sorry your life took this turn.. How are you now?, a year later? You can be a voice of caution protecting others from the same destiny. Wish you all the best. Stay strong!
I'm gathering a variety of perspectives as a trans person at 31. I've been living as a woman for decades and I know for sure that I want to transition. So sorry you didn't get the time to explore your gender identity as well as your sexuality. You seem to be describing how you feel you're being perceived and how it connects you with your partners. I think it's something to unpack with a therapist as well as believing these intimacy issues stem from having top surgery. Wishing you all the best 👍🏿
thank you for sharing your story. I think its very important for younger people, that think about having top surgery to know the consequences and to see it in a different light. Of course not everybody regrets it afterwards, but some might, so its very important to see the experience of those who do regret it, to take a step back and rethink their decision, as to try and prevent mistakes from happening. As a trans non binary person myself, that considers having top surgery, this helped me a lot.
You are part of a science experiment. Seek proper help.
Genuine question can you please explain to me how you can be both trans and non binary?
+ what lack of estrogen does
@@shomshomni2314 it is possible since from what I've read so far, being trans just means that you don't identify with you birth gender and like it's appearance, and it's different with many people if they identify as nb, male, female or something else
@@shomshomni2314 transgender means your gender does not align with the gender you were assigned (labeled) at birth. non-binary is one type of trans experience. another type is being a binary trans person (trans man, trans woman).
You might appreciate listening to Grace and Carol discuss top surgery regret on Grace Lidinsky’s channel - always good to know there are others going through the same thing. Best wishes to you. ❤️
thanks!
I would urge anyone feeling discomfort or hate for their breasts to give yourself time to grow and develop and be aware that breast discomfort is extremely common amongst gender non conforming females and those on the autism spectrum.
Many of us have experienced extreme discomfort and distress over breast development and we grew out of it.
We hated the way our body changed through puberty, the way it feminised and how it resulted in attracting the male gaze and unwanted sexual attention from boys and adult men.
It can take years to feel comfortable in your own skin, especially if you are on the autism spectrum. However, I do not know ANY female who loved their bodies as teens or even in their 20’s/30’s. (We tend to not give a shit by he time we hit our 40’s).
I got over my breast phobia after puberty and was able to embrace my sexuality and gender non conformity. I think training as a nursery nurse and being around a lot of breast feeding mums and babies helped as l was exposed to the genuine wonders of breasts, rather than the horrible sexualised, misogynistic way society treats them.
There is a reason why mothers and aunties will bash a young girls developing breasts in certain parts of Africa. In an attempt to stop them from growing. It’s not to be abusive or cruel, but it’s to protect young girls from being sexualised, molested. raped, stds, HIV…and forced into marriage.
I can see why so many young girls in society would elect to remove their breasts. They are horribly sexualised and shamed for doing the thing they were supposed to do.
I want to see more girls get angry and find their inner warrior and fight the misogyny.
100% support for individuals making decisions. Trans people exist. AND patriarchy exists , and has powerful dehumanizing effects
Thank you so much this helped me alot
I'm so sorry, hope you find peace.
You are very brave to give your honest experiences and ghat should be respected.
*that
Brave soul. Keep shinning your truth
thank u for sharing your story.
Hope you are doing well and you are finding the right way for you now. Take care..
As a gay binary trans man, it hurts my heart you didn't get a chance to explore yourself before you had this very permanent surgery.
If given the chance, I would have leaped at the opportunity to have top surgery at 16, but I know I would have regretted it getting it so young. Thank you for sharing your story, and I'm sorry for all the people who are disgusted by us as trans ppl trying to weaponize your experience against others.
This is such a nice comment, thank you
❤Thanks 🙏 sooo much for sharing ! ❤😌
Being you were so young the adults should have helped you including your surgeon . Wish you the best Cole
lol.
Thank you for sharing your story! I’m 16, and hoping to get top surgery this year. I agree it goes way deeper than just dysphoria. For me i’ve put in perspective because when I imagine my future I have a flat chest and i can’t imagine it any other way without being upset. I’m sorry that you made a choice you regret and I really wish you all the best.
As a teenager, it can be difficult to envision a future other then the one one pictures in their mind, but that picture can change, ESPECIALLY in the early 20’s. Id personally say sit with the idea for a few years before making a choice as a teenager, that will effect the next 60+ years of life.
@@OMGITSGB it all goes on a case by case basis. I am 18 and I am getting top surgery next week. I have been identifying as a trans man for I think around 5 years now. Some people know right away what they need and they get surgery and/or go on hormones and its the best decision they have ever made. For some people they need to sit on the idea and make sure it is right for them. I agree with you that this person should wait a little bit of time to make sure this is what they want to do, just because they are only 16. But the only thing we know about this person is their age, we know nothing else. I understand you are trying to help them but you could have worded it a lot differently. The person in the video even said they weren't sure about top surgery, why would you get a permanent surgery if it is not something you are 1000000% sure about??? This person in the video does not represent all trans people and my experience doesn't represent all of us either. We are all different and we all go through different experiences.
@@OMGITSGB I had feelings when I was younger that I was trans as well. When I was in grade 5, around 9-10 years old, I truly thought I was growing male genitalia. I'm guessing I didn't understand genitalia at the time, but I was so excited. If I didn't think I was supposed to have that genitlia than I probably would have ran to my mother screaming and crying. When I started developing my chest, around 12-13 I believe, I started having a panic attack, balling my eyes out in the shower, and proceeded to try and push my chest back into my body. I had problems wearing "female" clothing when I was younger sometimes. Sometimes I would voice it to my parents and sometimes I wouldn't, anxiety is great haha. I have, for sure, questioned my sexuality and gender. I think it is very healthy to do so. If someone is so sure in their gender and is just making permanent changes to their body without thinking, then I think that is very irresponsible and very concerning. Ever since other trans people started questioning the validity of other's identities, I started doubting myself. Not because of anything I personally did or said but because of the opinions of others. What if I am going to detransition? What if I am going to end up like them? What if I am just a lesbian?
I have been on testosterone for the past 9 months and I couldn't be happier. I started taking hormone blockers in September 2019 I believe. I do not regret any of the changes that I have gotten with these medications. The only thing I can really think of is that I can't sing as well as I used to cause my voice is still settling in. I have been trying to get top surgery since July 2020. I was supposed to get top surgery this Tuesday but it got cancelled because of some past medical history complications. You are probably so happy it got cancelled.
Overall, I am someone who has major anxiety issues and I try and look at something from every perspective before making changes. I made sure I wanted to go on testosterone. I made sure I wanted to get top surgery. And I couldn't be more happier. I clicked on this video to open up my mind and to see other's perspectives on the topic. It is very important to give other people a platform who have detransitioned. But as I can see in this comment section, people are just going to take this one video and run with it. They are going to say that all trans people who are getting surgery are like this. If you truly understood what trans individuals went through, you would understand that you can't just wait for these surgeries and gender affirming care. Sometimes it means life or death.
@@OMGITSGB you do know 95% of trans people come out after the age of 17 also most people who do experience dysphoria from an early age grow out of it mostly before puberty, whereas dysphoria developing is most common during puberty or the starting of puberty so don't talk about shit u don't know all because it's become trendy u don't know other people shut your mouth
@@lukamalakouti7388 ahhh yes the "shut your mouth". A great way to end a comment in expressing ones opinion about subject matters.
Thank you, this really helped.
Hi Cole. I’m curious what (if any) pre-surgical counseling you received?
Thank you for sharing 💖
I recently discovered that I'm non-binary and that I have dysphoria about my breasts. So thank you for sharing your experience cause it helped me to think about my top surgery under a new angle.
You're just brainwashed.
Most women have very ambivalent relationship with their breasts. We know it's the way society/men/others respond/perceive them and therefore us. They objectify us because of them. I detested mine. Still do. Nearly had them removed at 17 and I'm pretty much straight, cis though I've had physical relationships with women. I suppose what I'm trying to say is it's not YOU it's the western world that is so eff'd up about breasts.
I'm starting to feel like surgery isn't for non-binary people. There is too much fluidity and it seems the people who regret their surgeries are usually non binary.
Recently discovered what? How? You realise we all experience body dysphoria?
You’re not non-binary.
Unfortunately whats done is done. Accept and love yourself regardless of having gotten the surgery. Funny thing is someone out there will love you just as you are. I think you look amazing.
This is something that baffles me. Let me explain. When I was 30 I had my 5th child. I knew I was done because all of my kids were born via c-section and a 6th could be fatal. I was getting my tubes tied immediately after they delivered my last child and asked if I could just have my uterus removed. Why go through periods if I can’t have any more kids anyways? They would not do it. No dr would. This was 11 years ago. I don’t understand how so many young people can go and have these life changing surgeries and drs jump on it. Yet they refused a partial hysterectomy to someone that couldn’t have kids anymore anyways.
Yes my Dr was like, "hell no"
I'm sorry you went through this and I hope you can feel yourself on your body. I still feel like I need more time to take some decisions and I'm 22. Maybe if I were younger when I figured out my gender identity, I'd rush some decisions too. Don't blame yourself!
I was pretty sure I want top surgery before watching this video, but now I'm 100% no doubt. I really want that surgery. I want to come home from work and take a shower, and after that, when I'm just with myself, smile to my own image on the mirror and walk shirtless to my bedroom. I think I may want moments like this more than the social thing.
But I don't pass now. I have doubts like yours, but about going on T. I still don't know if I want it because I NEVER pass or because I'd feel better with myself. Probably both, but I need some more time to think.
Thank you for this. As a non-binary lesbian myself, I really needed this video. Didn't have any surgeries, don't want any surgeries, but videos like this are so, so important. I used to want a flat chest to ease my social dysphoria, but I don't need it for myself. (Binding and making my chest appear flat is great though, gives me major gender euphoria even when I'm alone in my room.)
I’m sorry if this comes across as rude, that is not my intention, but I am genuinely curious about something you wrote.
How is it possible to be a non-binary lesbian? My understanding is that non-binary people don’t identify with either gender, but lesbian implies the identification of a woman. Isn’t that the same thing as just saying you’re a lesbian who isn’t necessarily feminine? I guess I am confused about the non-binary stuff. Trans people do believe in gender, because they want to feel/be perceived as a gender that is different from their biological sex.
@@goldenrose1445, I agree with you; there's no way you can be non-binary if you're a lesbian. 😅
I am so sorry that you didn’t receive the proper therapy before you made that drastic of a decision. Growing breasts was strange for me…. I am 45 now…. Things were different in the 90’s. Blessings on your journey! I hope the best for you!!!! 💜✌🏼🙏🏼
Thank you for sharing ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Thank you for being brave enough to admit your truth.
You are brave for telling your story. You also are LOVED!!
That's criminal, you were only 16 when you had the surgery. I'm sorry for your loss. 🙏
I agree. She was still a child. What kind of surgeon does that to a child?
@@comment3711 Im pretty sure they said they were non-binary. Also the age is so young because so many people weren’t making it to 18 to be able to transition and allowing it at 16 with parental permission and a diagnosis and all the preparation that goes into transitioning is a good thing over 99% of the time. These stories matter but they are not common enough to change the age law because that will only cause more death.
I hope you’re doing ok. Your honesty is very brave.
It was very hard to hear your experience. I could feel some of your pain through your words and body language. I am so sorry it went this way for you.
I'm MTFTM. Transitioning medically is very serious. I support people's freedom but patients should be able to hear all stories to make an informed decision.
Thank you for you story.
One of the reasons I find my parents frustrating throughout coming out as trans and one of the big things holding me back from fully coming out to them is because I know they are going to tell my im should wait. I’m youngish and I am almost completely sure that I am a trans guy but im sort of glad my parents are couscous because I know they want me to be happy in the long run. I want to start testosterone now but I know that I don’t know nor can I know who I really am because I am still developing mentally. I have shown signs of dysphoria my whole childhood but that might not always result in me being a trans guy. Though it is very frustrating sometimes, I know my parents are looking out for me and I love them for that.
I don't want to call myself non-binary, because that is not how I see myself.
I am a man and I am a woman.
Transform between both.
With this constellation I am a kind of third gender.
Since I embody masculinity and femininity
it's difficult to make myself understood.
Trans is associated with transition.
When I was in therapy for the trans issue, the therapists suggested Mastek and Microdose Testo to deepen the voice.
I was older and knew I had to take care of myself. If it's not what I need and is aggravating me instead of relieving me, then I have to bear it.
I found that one Mastek didn't get the job done.
That I also have a feminine side.
And I can't physically transition back and forth.
Although I feel trans and would rather swim with a pair of swim shorts.
Which I can't because I have to put something on my chest.
But I decided against the Mastek.
The therapist then said I wasn't trans at all.
Even said I was transphobic because I was afraid of surgery.
I went to another therapy.
This therapist said she understands that gender is a spectrum.
I had faith there.
Again, the usual course of action was suggested to me.
I said no, it's just difficult. I am not one or the other.
That's what makes it so difficult for me.
I need someone who understands this. She said if I don't do surgeries and don't take hormones, I'm not trans.
She just have people as clients who transitioning from male to female or female to male.
I understood that non-binary world is not accepted in society.
I name it non binary because it is the language used in society.
nobody else can tell you you're not " trans enough " . do what makes you comfy , label or dont label yourself - whatever makes you happy 💗
also since you said you're both man and woman ( hope I understand correctly ) then that may mean you're bigender or possibly genderfluid
@@CYPH3RRR420 The issue in my case is very complicated.
I understand what you think.
And thank you for looking for understanding.
There are two contexts.
2 paradigm systems.
A paradigm means a context under whose definition everyone uses the same words.
So that you can discuss with each other and it makes sense.
Because everyone agrees with the concept.
In concept 1, are the words that society has agreed on.
These are the gender words mentioned - bi-gender or gender-fluid.
In this concept I would classify myself as genderqueer.
Why-
Since I do not correspond to heterosexuality in terms of sexual orientation and gender.
I could also say:
I am gender nonconforming.
Other people tell me "a person who is not man not woman in in any way is defined as - non-binary.
...That's what's called it in the gender paradigm system.
But that is not my expierience and not my truth.
In concept 2. That's where I am.
The paradigm that society has no longer applies.
My identity is to be two-spirited, men's like.
It is the fourth gender.
It's so complicated because that
is not adapted to our culture and the meaning of the words.
It's a different paradigm or belief system.
@@Janis_Even ohh okay, my bad! i thought you were unsure of your label
Hey I’m sorry you feel like this/ it’s completely valid the way you’re feeling. But just wanted to say that even if you did that, it doesn’t mean you can’t have that intimacy and connection with someone. I understand your point but remember that it doesn’t make you whole to have a chest. You’re still beautiful and someone who is admiring you will still be able to have a connection with you. Wish u the best and strength. Thanks for opening up
It's been 2 year. I hope you're okay and find peace
I hate how medicalized being trans is, even by fellow trans people. You never should have felt like top surgery was "just the next logical step." It's always a super personal decision for every individual.
I personally do want top surgery, cause I'm kinda the opposite of you I hate my boobs most when I'm alone with my body, but I definitely don't want to do hrt anymore. There was a time in my life when I almost went on HRT because it was just the "next logical step" and even though the circumstances were terrible (transphobic doctor) I'm glad I didn't end up going through with it.
If society would just respect trans people from the moment they say "hey I'm trans please use this name and pronouns" I think a lot fewer people would get as much or any surgery/hrt. the majority probably still would and that's great if it's what they truly want for themselves and not because of any outside pressure!
like... if you happen to love the body you already have but still feel that you're trans? Congratulations, you're trans! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Nobody else can decide that for you. And hey if you hate your body and want certain "trans treatments" but identify as cis? Also valid! It's your body!
We need to talk more about medical regret (as well as detransitioning!) in our community. Nobody should have to go through this and when they do they shouldn't have to face it alone.
I worry about surgeons approving these surgeries for teens... It's a complicated issue but I can only speak from my experience. I considered transitioning up until I was 21, hated my body and very uncomfortable with my feminity. By my mid 20s, I started to love all those things while embracing my feminity more and more. I feel like I would've regretted moving forward with top surgery. Every person is different of course but it is such a huge life changing decision for any teen to be able to make.
Puberty is a fucking wretched experience, being uncomfortable and even hating your body is pretty common during those years. The brain isn't even fully developed until our mid 20s. It seems like a time where one can easily think doing this one thing will fix how they feel but that isn't necessarily the case. The topic is very complicated and I can't know everything or every person's experience in life but my worries remain that teens will move through puberty, their brains will fully develop and their ideas of the world will too change, as mine did. But in some cases, they cannot change what is already done. I'm sorry that is your experience. My heart hurts for you.
Thank you for your honesty ♥️ I do not see many people making videos like this, even though I read about people having similar experiences. And it sounds like some doctors aren't covering these topics fully but I could be wrong. Your truth is very important for people to hear before having life changing procedures.
all the best, hope you can somehow fix the situation at least partially. I am pre-everything trans and I'm glad you're not just weaponizing your words against your own community (which seems likely with detransitioners :(...). I'll take your advice don't worry. this video isn't for nothing. I'll think about surgery very hard and when I'm grown a bit :)
Makes my heart ACHE .. What a beautiful soul , though .
thank you for sharing this
I think its tragic. I wish ppl could just be who they want in their own skin. I think the medical industry is taking advantage of this. But God loves you, thanks for sharing.
Sorry to hear what's happened. Stay strong and thank you for sharing as it's so important. There's a lesbian community who needs and supports you.
I’m sending love
You seem like a lovely person. I wish you the best going forward.
Hi. I was trying to think of ways to help. Have you tried prosthetic breasts? Perhaps just to see what it'd be like. Thank you for taking the time to share your experience.
I feel so sorry for you.💖
Being part of a community is all well and good but in the end we are all individuals. No one else can carry our pain and regret. Therefore we have to do things that are good for us, first and foremost and not because we want to be part of a community.
Work on loving yourself.
I’m a 62 year old female, and went through times when I wished I was a boy. I didn’t like puberty and felt weird about the changes. I didn’t want male parts either. I’m glad I just got through the stages and came to a place where I accept my imperfect body. I pray for everyone in the world, and hope that each of you will feel the love of Christ.
That was me! I remember crying looking at my body changing and hated it. I’m grateful that it was just a phase in my life. I had to learn to love myself.
@@Onelightoftheworld If adults want to do this, that’s their prerogative.
@@jaycole2109 I’m disagreeing. I was only telling about my experience as a child.
@@Onelightoftheworld I appreciate your opinion. To clarify, to make sure I understand, you as a child hated your body and are glad you didn’t change yours, but you think children should have the right to change their bodies. Is that right? Thx!
@@jaycole2109 I really don’t care what other people do but adults should be wise with our youth. A lot of changes are happening before the age of 18, and giving children hormones is not something I think is advantageous.
even as a trans man, i agree that u shouldn't be allowed to get either form of surgery when ur under 18 at the very least, bc u might end up regretting as u get older
Purely to understand I have some questions it’s for anyone to answer .
Do you think if we did not have societal norms of what men and woman’s should be like or can and cannot do. If we lived in an ideal world of acceptance.
Would anyone want to change the physical aspect of their body with surgery?
Would people want to transition then?
Is the need to be transsexual due to the societal norms ? Or is it something that would be there even if it wasn’t there ?
I’m sorry if my questions offended anyone I do not mean to.
I just want to understand the reason what plays a factor.
That being said, I have no opinions on this matter, I hope and wish the best for ppl in whatever journey they take.