Fentanyl Addict interview-Amanda

Поділитися
Вставка
  • Опубліковано 27 вер 2024
  • Soft White Underbelly interview and portrait of Amanda, a fentanyl addict on Skid Row.
    Here's a link to a GoFundMe campaign to help some of the people seen in SWU interviews: gofund.me/9eba...
    For ad-free, uncensored videos and plenty of exclusive content please subscribe to the Soft White Underbelly subscription channel at softwhiteunderbelly.com. It's $10 a month and watchable on Apple and Android mobile apps, Roku TV, Apple TV and Amazon Fire.

КОМЕНТАРІ • 721

  • @bellaluna423
    @bellaluna423 Рік тому +215

    I think she sought it out to understand her brother's death, and process it, and rationalize it. This is grief. She doesn't understand why he didn't love her enough to quit. And if she quits that means he could have. She needs to forgive him and recover. That is the way she can still save him.

    • @RosarioMataH
      @RosarioMataH Рік тому +18

      this needs to be pinned and get to Amanda

    • @BAREdocumentaries
      @BAREdocumentaries Рік тому +7

      Couldn't have said it better ourselves!

    • @coolguy1446
      @coolguy1446 Рік тому +5

      this is possible. the way she talks about being sick tho imo you’re right about why she seeked it out but once you start you’re trapped. you’re using so you aren’t sick and if you’re predisposed to the disease genetically that’s another layer

    • @IcyAyme_
      @IcyAyme_ Рік тому +3

      Wow beautiful!! 💯

    • @heatherkern7148
      @heatherkern7148 Рік тому +3

      Absolutely spot on

  • @astralfluxaf
    @astralfluxaf Рік тому +75

    She reminds me so much of my story… I got clean after about 4 years of addiction.
    I’ve been clean for 3+ years now!
    I hope you’re able to heal your pain and find a way off of the hard stuff ❤

    • @vss1187
      @vss1187 Рік тому +3

      Congratulations on your sobriety 🎉

    • @mardearicks8133
      @mardearicks8133 Рік тому +1

      You're doing well, and I'm rooting for you. Please stay on course, and God Bless!

    • @MrSprite2005
      @MrSprite2005 Рік тому +1

      ❤❤❤

    • @thundersweetiex2912
      @thundersweetiex2912 Рік тому +1

      I'm on subs but I take benzos with them so I'm not clean

    • @cathyt144
      @cathyt144 Рік тому

      Awesome. Keep up the good work and stay determined. Staying away from people and environments that are a temptation. Helping others by sharing your story is helpful too.

  • @nhlibra
    @nhlibra Рік тому +24

    Amanda,
    I listened. I hear you. I heard many things in your interview but what struck me the most is that you had someone in your life, your brother, that was "there for you", always. I feel that in some way, you are mirroring his behavior and subconsciously this makes you feel closer to him. I'm not saying this to be accusatory or mean. I've spent quite a few years on the topic of Death & Dying, which hopefully explains my words.
    Your brother is still around you and you can learn how to align yourself with his energy. I am sure he would not want you to destroy yourself with substances. I think you should reach out for some help with the grief from the loss of your brother. Best of luck to you and please do not wait too long. 💜

    • @hannahmitchell87
      @hannahmitchell87 Рік тому

      how would you advise her to align with his energy?

  • @sandife4nandes365
    @sandife4nandes365 Рік тому +44

    Amanda, hold yourself accountable and get help. You can do it.

    • @stephanierollins4492
      @stephanierollins4492 Місяць тому

      Exactly….Hold Yourself Accountable,No more excuses. Been there Done that its possible, your girls need you 🙏🏽

  • @Christian-uc2qi
    @Christian-uc2qi Рік тому +30

    i lost my wife to drug addiction 10 years ago. I say lost, not in relation to life or death, but she stopped being in a relationship with me and our sun. First it was oxycodone, then heroin, followed by fentanyl and then crack finally drove a wedge between us, all of us, including her son. She finally left us for a crack head who would provide her with her drug of choice. I think my son and I did our best for her, but it wasn't really about us. I'm hopeful that she figures out her self worth one day. She is one heck of a lady, she just doesn't realize it. The thing is that she needs to figure it out for herself. I can't solve her issues for her, neither can our 15 year old son Christopher. We love her and will be there for her, regardless if she decides to return to our family unit. I'm from Los Angeles, specifically Glendale, but now live in Pittsburgh. I miss her presence so very much. God bless her and you all!

    • @chayroundtree-jones1085
      @chayroundtree-jones1085 Рік тому +4

      Sending hugs ❤❤❤

    • @finolaomurchu8217
      @finolaomurchu8217 Рік тому +3

      Very hard story that. Stay in Pittsburgh for a bit away from it all. Christopher doesn't need to be around that. Maybe one day his lovely mammy will come back. Greetings from Dublin Ireland ☘️

    • @modaciouslav4792
      @modaciouslav4792 Рік тому +2

      Ur a stand up person to love her regardless of what she’s done to ur family unit. And to still have nice things to say about her is definitely not the norm but I guess it’s better to not bash her to ur son

    • @mustangnawt1
      @mustangnawt1 Рік тому

      U sound like a sweetie pie. I’m sorry for all the hurt. She can decide to get better. You all deserve it

  • @rainrabbit9209
    @rainrabbit9209 Рік тому +72

    This is a different story. It is interesting how she just woke up one day and decided to become a user. - I can hear the fent. It is so lethal. - She knows what to do. It is hard to save someone from themselves.

    • @494ava
      @494ava Рік тому +4

      Im wondering what you mean by “ I can hear the fent.” Do you mean that raspy voice of hers,bc I wondered if it affects your respiratory system.? I’ve heard it in quite a few people who are users. Wow, this fentanyl is the devil straight up!!

    • @John-Doe-Yo
      @John-Doe-Yo Рік тому +2

      @@494ava I thought they meant she’s high during the interview

    • @rainrabbit9209
      @rainrabbit9209 Рік тому +20

      @@494ava not literally, although she is raspy. It is the mindset. Watch a few of Mark's videos and there are traits of how this drug "sounds". It is also the choice of words, such as "medicine". They tend to drift in thought in odd spots as if they are falling asleep. There is deep mental thought, yet at any moment you are still in the same conversational circle. There are patterns that you can hear and see. - I know drugs in general create these changes, I just see some specific traits in fent. Once in a great while you will hear Mark mention specific characteristics.

    • @SocketSilver
      @SocketSilver Рік тому +4

      @@rainrabbit9209 Great perspective!

    • @494ava
      @494ava Рік тому +1

      @@John-Doe-Yoyeh that could mean that too

  • @johnnyringo0506
    @johnnyringo0506 Рік тому +78

    So sad for her daughters. Her worst fear is causing them trauma and pain. She has already done that and continues to.

    • @leanneadams2549
      @leanneadams2549 Рік тому +14

      Right ! And she thinks just because she talks about it that she’s being a good mom. Truly disgusting!!

    • @NeurogenicMT
      @NeurogenicMT Рік тому

      Mother of the year.

    • @coolguy1446
      @coolguy1446 Рік тому

      @@leanneadams2549 ayo cool off, don’t watch shit literally documenting the lifestyles of addicts if you’re gonna shit on them for being an addict. at least try to understand the disease

    • @coolguy1446
      @coolguy1446 Рік тому +5

      @Tina Tijerina .. pretty ignorant. of course it’s selfish but you have to understand how much disease takes away peoples’ power to control their lives. some more than others, but that’s what it does to everyone. she obviously cares deeply for her children but it’s a such a sickness

    • @karissareeves
      @karissareeves Рік тому

      @@leanneadams2549 she definitely doesn’t think she’s a good mom. she has a disease & needs help. you obviously wouldn’t ever understand because your not an addict so don’t go calling anything disgusting. your a grown woman.

  • @makeufall3574
    @makeufall3574 Рік тому +21

    This was another great interview. Raw & real. My prayers go out to you , to help heal your pain so you can move forward and get treatment

  • @dustinlong1435
    @dustinlong1435 Рік тому +59

    There has to be way more to her story that she didn't share. Being 40 and having a 24 year old; being married for 22 years. A lot of masking major issues IMO. Bless her.

    • @benjamins94
      @benjamins94 Рік тому +7

      Of course, her marriage and kids were her whole life/identity and it was stripped away, people often kill themselves in similar situations, it's not easy.

    • @katenicole58
      @katenicole58 Рік тому +1

      absolutely, but this is HER turn to share her story. she’s put on the spot to air out her trauma to thousands of people, she’s already so incredibly vulnerable and gets to decide WHAT she shares. she’s already so so brave for sharing ANYTHING at all.

  • @ShameOn_U
    @ShameOn_U Рік тому +31

    As a person who’s been on methadone for 23 yrs, who’s husband just overdosed and had a fetynal habit on top of the methadone… this shit is scary.

    • @nhlibra
      @nhlibra Рік тому +3

      Sorry for you loss Hon 💜 This Fentanyl stuff is so damned scary.

    • @494ava
      @494ava Рік тому +2

      So sorry for your loss @BooBooSchmitt!! Sending you love and strength 🙏🏽🫶🏽

    • @ShameOn_U
      @ShameOn_U Рік тому +1

      @@494ava thank you! Means the world! ❤️

    • @phoebeb.332
      @phoebeb.332 Рік тому +3

      Congrats on your recovery and so sorry for your loss 🤍

    • @ShameOn_U
      @ShameOn_U Рік тому +1

      @@phoebeb.332 thank you, I really appreciate that. It’s been so hard but appreciate the ❤️

  • @sisterofnone
    @sisterofnone Рік тому +280

    Just because you're honest with your kids doesn't mean that it makes things better. I do applaud you for having the courage to tell them but at the end of the day you're passing on trauma that they didn't ask for. I hope you can turn this around for them if not for yourself. Best of luck.

    • @ingrowntownail1882
      @ingrowntownail1882 Рік тому +23

      It's almost like ovetsharing an addiction with the ones who love you so much appears to be an attempt to gain addiction acceptance imo.

    • @leahflower9924
      @leahflower9924 Рік тому +15

      I have trauma and kids and I always wish I could tell everyone to work on their trauma before they have kids

    • @marsd6139
      @marsd6139 Рік тому +16

      I immediately thought this too - “I want to honor and respect my kids by being honest with them”. It doesn’t ease their distress or suffering in any way to know more information. Giving them too much information that they have no control over surely only increases their distress

    • @melissab8871
      @melissab8871 Рік тому

      @@ingrowntownail1882 well aren’t we accept everything now? It seems the way society has/is become.

    • @carlmuth1390
      @carlmuth1390 Рік тому +13

      She needs to get honest with herself. All she does is make excuses...

  • @Rochelle721
    @Rochelle721 Рік тому +50

    Good Morning! Its just after 3:00 a.m. here in Northern California where it is currently a sweet 42*. I hope that wherever this message may find you, you are safe, content, & comfortable. From my heart to yours, Much Love! 🤟🙃

    • @sonnasolod.9406
      @sonnasolod.9406 Рік тому +2

      Good morning!!! 🌗🌓

    • @Gram72534
      @Gram72534 Рік тому +2

      GM Roc, 28⁰ and snow is on the way in not so colorful Colorado!!! Have a great weekend my friend!!!

    • @jaymzv
      @jaymzv Рік тому +3

      Here in chicago and im drunk asl. Blessings to yall

    • @JazzyB4.
      @JazzyB4. Рік тому +3

      Watching this at 3:14am from Cali!

    • @myeyeswentdeaf6213
      @myeyeswentdeaf6213 Рік тому +4

      Hey Ro!👋🤓 Good Morning from a cool 37 degree 6:20am Brooklyn NY. Enjoy your weekend.

  • @Catalinaobregon
    @Catalinaobregon Рік тому +19

    Woe to the children and loved ones of an addict.

  • @laurynrose1111
    @laurynrose1111 Рік тому +11

    all the time you spend avoiding pain is far worse than just feeling it & releasing it.

  • @sandife4nandes365
    @sandife4nandes365 Рік тому +74

    Amanda is so intelligent and has so much insight and yet, this drug is so powerful, she feels like she can't get out. Great interview. I hope Amanda finds her way out of this destructive cycle.

    • @Phonoodles408
      @Phonoodles408 Рік тому +2

      It’s crazy how she is still coherent and functional. Ppl who do hardcore drugs very often become balloon heads

    • @amayaclarke
      @amayaclarke Рік тому +1

      I sure do love my momma, she’s amazing. Thank You for your kind words.

    • @sandife4nandes365
      @sandife4nandes365 Рік тому +1

      @@amayaclarke I'm so glad she has you in her life. It takes an amazing daughter to weather such a storm. Much love to you sweetie.

  • @natashasmashnuk1180
    @natashasmashnuk1180 Рік тому +11

    One of the more annoying videos on here. She seems very proud of her addiction. Too bad for those who actually care. It must be super irritating for her kids. She needs to grow up.

  • @mandylory6611
    @mandylory6611 Рік тому +8

    This video triggered me. I turned into a meth addict at the age of 41 and she reminds me of myself. I’ve been clean for 3 years though. And I’m clean because I don’t want to hurt my daughters (21 & 16) AGAIN. It’s so weird that hearing her story makes me want to go down that road again. Geesh. What a strange feeling. I obviously need therapy. 🤦🏼‍♀️ i have faith in her though. She’s going to get clean. Please keep us updated on her.

    • @leanneadams2549
      @leanneadams2549 Рік тому +2

      I think just hearing about it can trigger us!! I hope you fought threw ! But if not you know what it takes and what it’s like to be clean !!! Your a much better mother than this thing !! I pray your doing well!!!

    • @vss1187
      @vss1187 Рік тому +1

      Please get the help you need to stay on the path you’re on for yourself and your children! Blessings 💗

  • @halesxox5727
    @halesxox5727 Рік тому +6

    My heart hurts so bad for her, as a 24 year old woman who’s been an opiate addict for almost 12 years… for her to have went half of her life without being addicted to opiates… it’s sad. I think she sought out to see what took her brother from her, and got hooked on the feeling (or lack thereof) for all of you talking shit about her being honest with her children, as a child with addict parents I wish they would’ve been honest with me, regardless. I pray she finds the strength to walk away from this, find the help she needs and to mend her relationship with her daughters and family. ❤❤

  • @carlaburgos12
    @carlaburgos12 Рік тому +12

    Losing your identity as a mother and wife can lead you to feeling lost and empty. It appears that she needs to work on her identity as a person so that she can find her purpose.

    • @jaqikennedy9990
      @jaqikennedy9990 Рік тому +1

      @Carla Burgos I AGREE 1000% I had my children very young & when my youngest left for College I was lost... 😔 Similar to post partum depression I think?

  • @Wonton1885
    @Wonton1885 Рік тому +6

    Fentanyl doesn’t care how old you are and neither does your drug dealer

  • @494ava
    @494ava Рік тому +38

    Good morning SWU Family!! It’s 6:07am in Florida and we’re enjoying another great video from Mark!! Blessings to All!! Pray for the addicted and those that love them ❤

    • @myeyeswentdeaf6213
      @myeyeswentdeaf6213 Рік тому +4

      👋🤓 Good Morning from Brooklyn NY.

    • @getfitron155
      @getfitron155 Рік тому +2

      It’s 7:19 am in Miami Fl

    • @thipphonthip6788
      @thipphonthip6788 Рік тому +2

      Good morning from Houston,Texas. 6:30 am

    • @juliemackenzie1978
      @juliemackenzie1978 Рік тому +3

      Watching from Edmonton, Alberta. Canada. 👍🇨🇦😊 It's 5:30 am here.

    • @cgreen1693
      @cgreen1693 Рік тому +1

      Wow great morning from Los Angeles were everyone is so peachy.

  • @navisandhu2943
    @navisandhu2943 Рік тому +13

    I feel like she can be a bodybuilder or into fitness, she is built well. My bestfriend was completely addicted to fent and opiates he is now completely into fitness and health. Replaced one addiction with another. The difference is it's a much healthier addiction

    • @stephownsyourface
      @stephownsyourface Рік тому +1

      Yes!!!! This is exactly what I was going to say. If she can redirect her energy into something positive she has the perfect physique to get into fitness or even be a trainer.

    • @emmamarlborough4394
      @emmamarlborough4394 Рік тому +1

      Totally agree! I have been training for years and my triceps don't compare! If she trained for just a year she would have incredible athletic ability and exercise is a healthier addiction than fentanyl.

  • @brownies2001
    @brownies2001 Рік тому +17

    Fight to learn what the disconnect is! You have more power within you to create change, walk towards healing ❤️‍🩹 Amanda!

  • @malama_ka_aina
    @malama_ka_aina Рік тому +4

    Addiction is such a tricky animal. Best of luck. Thank you Mark and Guest

  • @stagnantsmoke
    @stagnantsmoke Рік тому +60

    The level of self awareness she has will either be what saves her or her downfall. I pray she can get out of this. She could possibly help people see this addiction in a different more introspective way. But like she said she can’t always rely on a drug as her exit plan or safety net.

    • @erickiyoshiphillips2323
      @erickiyoshiphillips2323 Рік тому +9

      Right especially at 3 years into her addiction. At 3 years at mine I loved getting high and didn't think anything I was doing was wrong. It took 6 years total for me to get sober. At 32 I'm sober and caught 3 felonies within those 6 years it ruined me but I will not let it hinder me in life I'll keep living and sober life fine

    • @visualreaction9738
      @visualreaction9738 Рік тому

      Trump spoke on it numerous times taking it serious but you guys didn’t take him aerious

    • @arsek503
      @arsek503 Рік тому +1

      @@visualreaction9738 chill out Bradley

    • @RickyL305
      @RickyL305 Рік тому

      @@visualreaction9738 again this is not a political issue, trump obviously made the problem worse and not helped it. @SmarterThanTheApp ... Sorry to inform you that this issue is not politically based, China, Japan, India and Pakistan are some of the few countries shipping directly to both American dealers and Canadian dealers whom are cutting into this in their own home based labs now, do you expect America to stop all shipments from these countries coming in? With both fentanyl coming in across both the Mexican and Canadian borders now is a wall going to be successfully built on the Canadian side as well unlike trump's failed promise on building the wall at the Mexico border completely during his term in office and now many of you are blaming Biden for trump's failed promise that he said was completed before he left office in which as everyone sees it was never completed at all. Hell parts of it could not even stand up to winds which was proven on video by shady construction. But is America going to put up borders on both the Mexican and Canadian borders now? Of course not. how about the narcotic called "Pyro" spreading through the UK now and starting to spread into other EU coming countries? Much deadlier than fentanyl, is America going to stop all packages coming in from Europe as well. Think before you make another political comment that is not caused by democrats alone. How about you study the 2016 CDC guidelines that Melania trump suggested and Donald placed into law that stopped many doctors from issuing opioids only to have dealers see the opportunity to make money unfortunately while taking lives in the process to fill the gap to those suddenly cut off their own scripts

    • @494ava
      @494ava Рік тому

      @@erickiyoshiphillips2323 I admire your dedication to being sober bc it’s not at all easy! Keep kicking Addiction’s Ass,bc you got a team out here who will help you! Love blessings and strength my friend! You got this!💪🏼🫶🏽

  • @barbarab8182
    @barbarab8182 Рік тому +7

    the sad thing is if she OD's and dies then someone else who loves her will feel that debilitating pain that she feels. Addiction breeds narcissim! .

  • @MrDaniixox
    @MrDaniixox Рік тому +4

    Wow, what a horrible mother. Shame on you. Your kids deserve better.

  • @Terencew101
    @Terencew101 Рік тому +8

    Explain to the audience how someone can overdose 10x and still….Incredible way to ask a question to help her see😢

  • @swaggchu789
    @swaggchu789 Рік тому +4

    Being "New" in addiction doesn't mean you can easily stop. That's when I was at my worst. That fire exploded inside me and the beginning is when it burned the brightest.

  • @RickyL305
    @RickyL305 Рік тому +5

    Hearing her entire story has really broke my heart. I am a active addict myself now but off only my own scripts in which is enough for me never to turn to the streets ever and prior to this, I was married to another addict before I realized what it was truly like being addict and I had no clue how wrong it was, she had dragged us both down totally in every way imaginable prior to her prison sentence and death. I totally have been in both Amanda shoes and her boyfriends shoes alike now of days and understand how this impacted both of their lives. Amanda I feel is a amazing person though and I do not feel like she is bad in anyway. I hope now that she only works on her recovery, herself and her children without turning back to her old ways.

  • @HollyWolfStudios
    @HollyWolfStudios Рік тому +6

    Amanda, check out Gabor Mate. Also, check out iboga centers for healing from the addiction. Iboga is plant medicine of the Bwiti people. At a basic level it's used as a stimulant for hunting. But it's a powerful plant ally, a Spirit of reconnecting. Addiction is disconnection. I'm 41. We are young. We have a whole life to live ahead of us. You got this. The wounded healer archetype is strong in you. Be brave.

  • @Last_Chance.
    @Last_Chance. Рік тому +10

    She doesn't seem as bad off as some. I pray she gets help before it's to late

  • @Last_Chance.
    @Last_Chance. Рік тому +12

    I have a bad feeling she's not going to look this good in 2 months if she doesn't change.

  • @queenj4445
    @queenj4445 Рік тому +4

    I’m hysterical. Amanda describes her brother exactly how mine is/was. We were so close. A piece of me has died, with him. I know exactly how she feels. To the T.

  • @onepartyroule
    @onepartyroule Рік тому +3

    What a lovely woman. I don’t have addiction in my family, but the last few years I often thank God that opioids are not easily available to me, because I get why people take them.

  • @daydreamerz
    @daydreamerz Рік тому +46

    She said alot of words without saying much. I still have no idea exactly what major trauma drove an upper middle-class suburban 37-year old to hang out in the hood, looking for heroin which she knew nothing about. My ADD kicked in, so maybe I missed the details.

    • @wilson8979
      @wilson8979 Рік тому +21

      Her divorce, her brother died of overdose and they were close and she has a family history of addiction, 3 triggers there she outlined. I’m her age, I went through divorce recently, 2 kids and my dad died also recently. I’m isolated from my family because of my abusive ex husband. I could turn to drugs, but I won’t. I have had many childhood trauma, sexual abuse. I don’t do drugs, drink. I try to focus on coping mechanisms that will help me. I feel like my one addiction is sex addiction, but it’s not like I sleep around, I get addicted to a sex partner and I fear they will leave me. I have BPD

    • @Hi-bl8rm
      @Hi-bl8rm Рік тому +12

      I agree . She said a whole lotta nothing. I’m surprised Mark let her ramble on so long.

    • @Last_Chance.
      @Last_Chance. Рік тому +3

      @@wilson8979I'm a man in a very similar situation. I wish you all the love and happiness that life can bring and I hope you have a beautiful day sweetheart.

    • @daydreamerz
      @daydreamerz Рік тому +17

      @@wilson8979 I hear you but I think she blew smoke so she could leave out major details. Usually opiate addiction stems from childhood trauma or Rx drugs. If family history had such a big effect, it wouldn't lay dormant for 37 whole years. Divorce and death of a sibling happens to ppl everyday and most don't jump on heroin. Her story just seemed incomplete.

    • @nathanrobbins8976
      @nathanrobbins8976 Рік тому +2

      @@wilson8979 thank you for your honesty .. my heart is full of good energy for you love , I love you I hope you can love yourself my darling xoxo

  • @amber76OH
    @amber76OH Рік тому +8

    From personal experience, an honest rehab that provides full mental health care (providing access to a psychiatrist) along with MAT is your best chance. Also, go home. You think you're saving your family by staying away, but that's just the addiction speaking to you.
    I hope you find the will. It takes so much. But you can do it, I truly believe you can.

    • @Last_Chance.
      @Last_Chance. Рік тому +1

      Anyone can get clean. Staying clean is what's hard. It's easier to escape reality than to deal with it

    • @blancachula
      @blancachula Рік тому

      MAT is horrible too lol

  • @margaretcostello8528
    @margaretcostello8528 Рік тому +5

    Please seek out an NA meeting while you are in L.A. I think things might become clearer in your mind and you will meet amazing people. Good Luck and God Bless you.

  • @colleenprinz3129
    @colleenprinz3129 Рік тому +6

    I am sorry bc this is going to be an unpopular opinion...the only thing that I think of her is SELFISH!! She has kids that she is responsible for and who love and need her! We all have had some major trauma in our lives and our first thought in our late 30's is NOT to actively seek out heroin!! Esp after she knows the pain of losing her brother to an OD!! She has even admitted to OD'ing at least 10x. She doesnt think about her kids at all. Not before actively seeking out the drug and not now! She is not a mother in my eyes, she is just a selfish woman! If she has no coming skills at 37...go to therapy and learn them!!

    • @colleenprinz3129
      @colleenprinz3129 Рік тому +1

      Also to add, as someone who just battled a very aggressive firm of cancer that will likely come back some day, it really irks me that she said it is a disease!! Yes I know that ince your brain is hard wired differently due to drug usage, it is classed as a disease. BUT she knew that going in when she actively sought out this 'disease'. She saw it first hand with her brother and unless she lives under a rock and/or is braindead, she knew all about the opioid crisis all around her at the age of 37!!!

  • @Mrs.CGraves
    @Mrs.CGraves Рік тому +4

    She wants to manipulate and control her “treatment” yet she isn’t in control of anything

  • @queenj4445
    @queenj4445 Рік тому +2

    I like her. She remind me of myself A LOT. I too lost my little brother to this too. In September. Ive been clean 8YRS thank God. Wish he could’ve got to this point 😔 🙏♥️

  • @maureent8653
    @maureent8653 Рік тому +5

    Take care of yourself Amanda. Thank you for sharing your story.

  • @debiorick8025
    @debiorick8025 Рік тому +2

    I think out of all the people I have seen on this show,this lady has a chance of getting sober and having a real purpose in life

  • @boomx6
    @boomx6 Рік тому +1

    She is so intelligent and has so much to look forward to. She needs someone come along side her and help her.

  • @redangelique
    @redangelique Рік тому +4

    This reminds me so much of my mother. 🥺 this is heartbreaking I hope and pray she finds the light she needs. 19:00

  • @NosiLLa258
    @NosiLLa258 Рік тому +3

    You deserve so much more! My baby sister passed away from opiate overdose in my house using my stash. I had already lost both parents (dad to overdose also) and I've lost many friends from opiates as well. It was finally Ayahuasca that set me free from the source of the pain, which had led me to self medicate and the 12+ years of opiate dependency. I have been clean close to 2 yrs and have even found old pieces of dope in my home since then. I didn't consider using it. Aya set me free... no programs, no rehabs, no maintenance required. I can't begin to express how much happier and fulfilled I am as a person now. I'd never change what I went through, because all my experiences led me to be the person I am...and I like me. 😊 Plus, now I can empathize with others and hopefully inspire them or at the very least, show them there's hope. Sending love and strength to everyone who struggles. 🤍💪

  • @tnuty1
    @tnuty1 Рік тому +3

    I know this is older, but as I’m just now seeing it. I am very close to this woman (I don’t wish to disclose how) and would just like to clarify that almost 98% of every word was a lie. I wish she could be honest, and then maybe we could finally see some change.

  • @iambumpy
    @iambumpy Рік тому +9

    In November of 2022 my sibling was murdered by police during a psychosis episode - It is the hardest thing I've ever done to not go out and drink and take every drug under the sun. I'll be 5 years clean and sober in March I can't fuck this up now. This ladys story is WAY too fucking close to home for me. Its like looking in a mirror in so many ways it terrifies me to the core.

    • @amber76OH
      @amber76OH Рік тому +2

      I am so sincerely sorry for your loss. And so glad to hear that you're still holding on to your sobriety. Big hugs and much love to you, and your brother 🖤🤍✨️

    • @ebennett7
      @ebennett7 Рік тому +1

      Whoever helped you get sober, or whatever higher power - lead hard on that or them now. My SIL got clean after 30 years and then her daughter died suddenly (from a virus). Her sobriety family lifted her up and miraculously she is still sober.

    • @SocketSilver
      @SocketSilver Рік тому +2

      I love you. Keep up the sobering on. From a stranger. Take care!

  • @sararahman7731
    @sararahman7731 Рік тому +7

    No offense but this woman loves the sound of her own voice....and she's just trying to garner sympathy. She loves the sound of her own voice. 🤷
    The whole door knocking story....🤔🤔🤔
    I don't know

  • @fredflintstone8048
    @fredflintstone8048 Рік тому +4

    It's hard for a person to remain in a relationship with an addict. The addiction is the most important thing, it comes before everyone and anything else. It's at the center, the core of their lives, and no matter how much they think and say, and cry about how much they care about other things, or family, or children, it's not true. When it comes to their words, they will say anything that allows them to continue in the addiction.
    Addiction is the most demanding master of a person.

  • @Vitality86
    @Vitality86 Рік тому +5

    Wishing you all the best Lovely, I am so sorry for everything you have gone through 💔 You are an amazing strong person and I'm sure your children know this and will be there for you when you have the strength to start your road to recovery. I'm praying for you beautiful, you can do this 🙏 ❤️

    • @amayaclarke
      @amayaclarke Рік тому +2

      Thank You for your kind words. We love our mom so much.

    • @jaqikennedy9990
      @jaqikennedy9990 Рік тому +1

      @AmayaClarke That was so awesome to read ❤ She has great taste in names, yours is a really pretty name 😊

  • @TheOriginalMrBadaBing
    @TheOriginalMrBadaBing Місяць тому

    I appreciate her willingness to share her story, her vulnerability and honesty with us. I really do hope she gets help. She’s right, life doesn’t have to be so hard. That said, she is in control of that herself right now. Been there, and I recall turning help away, too. So I’m not judging, just being factual.

  • @deborahevans2110
    @deborahevans2110 4 місяці тому +1

    I identify with this woman 100%. Thank you.

  • @incredible3129
    @incredible3129 Рік тому +4

    Amanda if you see this it’s not to late I’m sorry for your loss but you have so much to live for you have a loving family and kids that love you and I’m sure your brother would not want you living this lifestyle your kids need they mom don’t give up

  • @Wornyochebtocoh
    @Wornyochebtocoh Рік тому +8

    From someone who has worked with reoccurring addicts, I know it's hard to watch and a few do recover. Unfortunately, most have a sickness that can't be cured or fixed, you have to let them go, cut them off, and let them do to themselves what they want, until they fix themselves or otherwise.

  • @k_roc200-32
    @k_roc200-32 Рік тому +9

    She's not afraid of dying, she's afraid to live. Actively seeking coping mechanisms to remain numb seems like you are aware of the triggers but afraid to face it.

  • @bmainglass
    @bmainglass Рік тому +2

    1.) You have to hate it just a little more than you love it
    2.) You have to be sick of your own bullshit
    When those 2 things happen you can begin to LIVE again. Only then can you climb out of that dark hole of despair and hopelessness. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

  • @flipwhitman4929
    @flipwhitman4929 Рік тому +5

    Find it very hard to believe at 37 she thought of going after heroin. Not booze, or weed, or some pills. She seems like she is acting.

  • @taht5467
    @taht5467 Рік тому +10

    She is intelligent AF regarding the nuances and truthes of her addiction. If she can get right, she could help a shit ton of folks.

  • @savannahtufts5971
    @savannahtufts5971 Рік тому +2

    Got to the verrrrrry end with not a tear shed… and then her last three sentences made me bawl ✌🏼

  • @spartangoku7610
    @spartangoku7610 Рік тому +1

    Fentanyl trafficking should be a capital offense.

  • @rosamoreno4794
    @rosamoreno4794 Рік тому +2

    She has a good friend calling her out and telling her the truth and not enabling her.

    • @hannahmitchell87
      @hannahmitchell87 Рік тому +1

      but simultaneously profiting from her addiction...

  • @susant.1620
    @susant.1620 Рік тому +3

    Great to be able to analyze the problem and reasons for it, but without the desire to get well and stay sober, the analysis is of little use. Sometimes we feel guilt because we are guilty... It can be our call to change.

  • @subrosa7716
    @subrosa7716 Рік тому +1

    no sympathy for someone who actively looked to use heroin as a 37-year-old mother....after her brother died of an opioid overdose!!?? . and then she had to TRY to get it, she put effort into finding heroin as a sober person??? ... that is so pathetic. i love this channel and all the guests..this is the single one that has made my skin crawl

  • @liz-sy2lj
    @liz-sy2lj Рік тому +2

    I think she answered her own question, when she asked if the interviewer had any ideas or advice...previously she said that there was a "disconnect." I sense that her life has not gone the way she wanted it to, and that more importantly she doesn't know what or how to get to that place of knowing what she wants. So she consciously disconnected from that confusion. The drugs are her way of coping with the unknown, that in her, is equivalent to the pain.

    • @baublesanddolls
      @baublesanddolls Рік тому

      Almost all addicts use to cope with pain. They don't want to feel.

  • @southerngirl5111
    @southerngirl5111 Рік тому +7

    Fentanyl ain't no joke. I remember when the Dr gave it to me when I was having a heart attack and I started hallucinating before I went out and woke up to being rolled back to my room. I hear about so many people passing away from it and it breaks my heart. I really hope she gets better and finds a healthy alternate to dealing with the pain. Definitely praying for her and anyone else dealing with any kind of addiction

    • @carolmcdade4081
      @carolmcdade4081 Рік тому +1

      Synthetic fentanyl is different than what the hospital uses. You're thoughtful and have a lot to offer. Please kick this thing.

    • @vonderloo3184
      @vonderloo3184 Рік тому

      Same they gave it to me for aorta stenting, i was repeating the Dr's words & he said go ahead and give her more. Lol

    • @BologneseJones
      @BologneseJones Рік тому +1

      You are correct. They gave it to me during a surgery. I had horrible hallucinations. The same thing happened when they gave been pain pills that were opioids.i decided to use extra strength Tylenol and lots of bed rest. Later I got into physical therapy and I learned stretching techniques that help .. the physical therapist also used therapeutic message. The pain pills I will never use and I have had multiple surgeries

    • @Leviathan-mj8gi
      @Leviathan-mj8gi Рік тому +4

      @@carolmcdade4081 all fentynol is synthetic, fentynol is fentynol, street fentynol maybe cut with other drugs, but the fentynol itself is not different, there is such thing as iso-fentynol, but that is a different drug. It's an analog of fentynol.

    • @Rugmunchersauce3
      @Rugmunchersauce3 Рік тому +2

      Hallucinating off opiodes ??? 🤔 Never experienced or heard of that before.

  • @johnmckinney5931
    @johnmckinney5931 Рік тому +2

    She is very intelligent and self aware. I hope she can escape this

  • @anthonyloconte7835
    @anthonyloconte7835 Рік тому +3

    Girl you got kids. Get your shit together. Think about them. Get sober from them.

  • @stephaniespeidel352
    @stephaniespeidel352 Рік тому +1

    Your addiction is damaging them. Your addiction is lying to you. You deserve to be free. Please seek help.

  • @Themostdef100
    @Themostdef100 Рік тому +4

    Starting off rough. “Almost 100% of the time I’m honest with my kids”. So maybe 99% of the time honest? 1% of the time I’m unfaithful to my partner. Am I unfaithful to my wife since 99% of the time I’m faithful? I think I would be 100% unfaithful.

  • @elliecochran1576
    @elliecochran1576 Рік тому +1

    Just as with any addiction, there are a variety of resources and support levers available if you seek them out. There is no one-size-fits-all and everyone’s recovery journey looks different, but ultimately, recovery is a choice. And it ultimately has to become the choice that outweighs the substance abuse. If and when Amanda is ready, there will be room for recovery and growth and…grief. She will have to grieve her brother and it will be unbelievably hard…but she can choose to hold his memory in her everyday life, in every action she takes, rather than holding onto him through her addiction. I hope and pray she gets the help she needs and knows that her brother lives within her…always.

  • @vivianneu3676
    @vivianneu3676 Рік тому +5

    her brother died because of drugs...so she decided to consciencely (!) ruin her and her kid's lives by starting drugs....sooo stupid

  • @margaretchabaud9700
    @margaretchabaud9700 Рік тому +2

    It's great to give these folks a platform. Amazing how most of the comments are positive. It's nothing to applaud. Very hard to even understand anything but a lot of justification. And indulgence. Gets kind of boring!

  • @Luke22022
    @Luke22022 Рік тому +2

    There didn't seem to be any indication that Amanda wants to be sober. She sought the drugs and the addictions. She has rejected her children and even the caring boyfriend. She is happy to sleep in a pile of dirt. The worst is the pain that she is putting her daughters through. This is a very sad episode because Amanda has lost so much.

  • @fleetsma5119
    @fleetsma5119 Рік тому +3

    I agree that the opioid addiction is a problem BUT the down side is -it's nearly impossible to get a script when needed. There is not a one side fits all solution!

  • @a.wanderer5006
    @a.wanderer5006 Рік тому +5

    I listened to that whole thing and have no idea what she does for work, what she likes to do, where she's from. It's just all about 'drugs, drugs, drugs' in that annoying junkie voice. She seems like one of those women whose whole identity was based on the man she was with, maybe that is part of the problem.

  • @shaybee1991
    @shaybee1991 Рік тому +2

    This is my favorite interview. She is so smart and like everyone else has said, so self aware. I pray She can get out of this rut she's in and be healthy for herself and her daughters. You can tell what a great mom she is

    • @RickyL305
      @RickyL305 Рік тому

      @tinatijerina6353 apparently you do not understand addiction completely like many others only assume they do.

  • @SKIDLAB
    @SKIDLAB Рік тому +2

    I’d love to hear more about her life growing up with her younger brother.

  • @DEBELIMAREX
    @DEBELIMAREX Рік тому +5

    Seems like good liar

  • @GMkid183
    @GMkid183 2 місяці тому

    My experience was, addicted to opiates and alcohol for almost 20 years. I had been in and out of psyche wards, the rooms of AA and NA and none of it worked. It was only when I got down on my knees and surrendered my life to Christ was I able to be lifted out of darkness.
    Life is not perfect, but I am grateful for the life I have.

  • @levirh8661
    @levirh8661 Рік тому +2

    She seems so intelligent and aware of everything I can only hope for the best of her opioids are terrible

  • @rosalind442
    @rosalind442 5 місяців тому

    I’m an avid fan of yours and this one just put me in a depressed mode I had to leave it. Now I know why you use Better Health. Too bad my insurance doesn’t cover this one. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy your channel. Thank you, Mark.

  • @Brawlstriker89
    @Brawlstriker89 Рік тому +1

    My daughter's older sister just died from fentanyl OD.. shit is so deadly. So sad.. just a matter of when. Not if.

  • @margaretcostello8528
    @margaretcostello8528 Рік тому +8

    Surrender Dorothy!! You are not alone. One tiny step at a time.❤️✌🏻🙏

  • @killuhkatt
    @killuhkatt Рік тому +1

    So so sad, she came to LA to go to treatment and now she’s on Fentanyl for 6 weeks.

  • @Mr_57ChargerRT
    @Mr_57ChargerRT Рік тому +2

    @9:18 That was YOUR choice to ruin your life by using drugs.

  • @Axeo19
    @Axeo19 Рік тому +7

    She's actively trying to be an addict. She's seriously searching this out to be a sad addict case.
    She has a great family, great kids and she's just throwing it away by choice.

  • @atk_1
    @atk_1 Рік тому +1

    Who else thinks the divorce stems from her addiction and loss of custody. Something doesn’t make sense.

  • @jhgreen14
    @jhgreen14 Рік тому +6

    I am at the gym 5 days a week and I still don't have arms like hers. Maybe I should try fentanyl.

    • @BOBBYfrmtheRAQ
      @BOBBYfrmtheRAQ Рік тому +1

      No don't do it ! Not once I'm telling you!

    • @monleres485mouse2
      @monleres485mouse2 Рік тому +1

      Try wildnil, it's even better.

    • @vonderloo3184
      @vonderloo3184 Рік тому +1

      Its from labor working or yard work. I used to have arms like that. My brothers are muscular too.

    • @Hi-bl8rm
      @Hi-bl8rm Рік тому

      Lol

    • @SocketSilver
      @SocketSilver Рік тому

      Not funny.

  • @chrischristoferson1191
    @chrischristoferson1191 Рік тому +1

    I feel so bad for those gripped by opioids. It sounds like a living hell.

  • @meowntainlion
    @meowntainlion 9 місяців тому

    I am about to graduate with my master of social work and I am interning at a recovery facility conducting therapy with both residential and outpatient clients. I would caution against focusing too strongly on the genetic component of addiction. There are many factors that influence addiction, and genes are potentially one of them, but bio-social-psychological factors are arguably just as, if not more important. Scientists have not yet been able to isolate specific genes connected to addiction, and although addiction often tends to run in families, the field consensus is that genetics may account for 40-60 percent of likelihood for a person's risk of addiction. And, keep in mind all of the individuals who have suffered from addiction without having long term studies performed on them. So, yes, pay attention to family history, but recognize there is personal accountability and other environmental factors that significantly matter, also.

  • @SammysMysASMR
    @SammysMysASMR Рік тому +1

    "When your day is long
    And the night, the night is yours alone
    When you're sure you've had enough
    Of this life, well hang on
    Don't let yourself go
    'Cause everybody cries
    Everybody hurts sometimes
    Sometimes everything is wrong
    Now it's time to sing along
    When your day is night alone (hold on, hold on)
    If you feel like letting go (hold on)
    If you think you've had too much
    Of this life, well hang on
    'Cause everybody hurts
    Take comfort in your friends
    Everybody hurts
    Don't throw your hand, oh no
    Don't throw your hand
    If you feel like you're alone
    No, no, no, you are not alone
    If you're on your own in this life
    The days and nights are long
    When you think you've had too much
    Of this life to hang on
    Well, everybody hurts sometimes
    Everybody cries
    Everybody hurts, sometimes
    And everybody hurts sometimes
    So hold on, hold on
    Hold on, hold on, hold on
    Hold on, hold on, hold on
    Everybody hurts"
    ~R.E.M

  • @mustangnawt1
    @mustangnawt1 Рік тому +2

    You’re not afraid to die but u are afraid of your kids becoming u? If u die, what do u think that would do to them? Look what happened to you after loosing your brother. Pain has to go somewhere. Make the choice, find real help. I know u can. Please

  • @liz-sy2lj
    @liz-sy2lj Рік тому +2

    I wonder if she agreed to do this interview in hopes that her family would see it, and thus they would find out about the fib.

  • @chrissttiiee
    @chrissttiiee Рік тому +1

    An AHA moment is when you learn to cope. Most people never learn how to.

  • @irresistiblelipZ
    @irresistiblelipZ Рік тому +1

    So she begged her brother to get off of it and decided to seek it out and put her kids in the same position? Interesting.

  • @solotrizteynocerebro
    @solotrizteynocerebro Рік тому +14

    She looks physically strong 💪😋🤩

  • @EggBastion
    @EggBastion Рік тому +4

    You ever wonder that if (or when) the population starts tumbling - will governments and corporations finally realise that people need to be brought up & looked after a lot better than they are now?
    And will that window of opportunity even stay open long enough to see through let alone **cough** _capitalise_ on?

    • @southphillylilly
      @southphillylilly Рік тому

      You can be sure that if the US government didn't want fentanyl, or heroin to end up on the streets of America, it wouldn't be here. The money that they make off of arrests and fines and jails and probation is beyond any amount, I can even fathom. Entire populations are kept suppressed by these drugs and that is by design. We stopped people from flying on planes for how many months when Covid hit? We could just as easily stop the traveling ,so to speak, of fentanyl from China into Mexico and over the US border.

    • @JohnSmith-sn1vb
      @JohnSmith-sn1vb Рік тому

      The government the ones letting the shit flood the street. Im Sure the dirty Cia got their hands in smuggling it in

    • @amber76OH
      @amber76OH Рік тому

      They realized it long ago, in my opinion. They decided to help themselves and those in their direct social and financial circles, and are leaving the rest to fend for themselves. They could not care any less about the opiate crisis, or any other crisis for that matter, as long as they can continue to thrive.

    • @Hi-bl8rm
      @Hi-bl8rm Рік тому

      Yeah cuz we gotta blame the government for being a shittty parent.

  • @kathykowalewski9785
    @kathykowalewski9785 Рік тому +2

    So your not honest with your family. Sounds like she's makin excuses to not quit.

  • @jonnydiggs1760
    @jonnydiggs1760 Рік тому +2

    She has a lot of work to do. Hopefully, she sees it all out, before too late. 🙏