I agree. It totaly makes sense. When I start to argue, it doesn't mean I really want to fight or hurt my partner. The only thing that I really want him to do at that moment is to hug me, show me some understanding and express his love. I absolutely found myself in the words ''protesting the dissconnection''. I obviously do It all the time. Now I understand myself a bit more.
You need BOTH partners to be willing to look for and understand the underlying reasons for conflict/triggers. Not only do you give but you need to receive. It's a 2 way street.
I wish I knew this when I was constantly having fights with my husband. This is GREAT information. Taking a "time out' is a great idea. But I'm trying much harder to hear what he has to say and trying not to have fights now. I have to change if I want my marriage to work. I need to remember this when a fight may arise and keep reviewing it. Thank you Bruce.
you cant show someone eles their shortcomings and expect to change them unless they just have a weak MIND ! You cant change someone eles .......! But I feel for ya!
My partner is constantly upset over the pettiest things, losing his keys, glasses, wallet somewhere in the house to which end he will slam things around the house, wake the children and I out of a sound sleep. He expects everyone else to be responsible for his things and help him look regardless of we may be engrossed in at that moment. I find it incredibly inconsiderate. Also he constantly criticizes everything I do. No one in the house is aloud the freedom of making a mistake or they will be brow beaten and shamed. I don't feel like soothing him, I feel like punching him out. Please advise.
Sounds like how I used to act. After learning about myself and getting in tune with my own emotions, I found that a lot of it was just selfish, narcissistic behavior. This isn't something that you can control, it's not something that will stop unless your man puts in some pretty solid effort. I've been with my partner for 3 years, but it took a BIG wake up call for me to realize how much of an asshole I was, but 1 year down the track (and a long way to go still) and our relationship is picking up again. I'm watching my behavior and communicating a lot better. The thing is, the world doesn't revolve around him, but he has his blindfold on so he will need some pretty firm boundaries in place before he realizes how much he's actually hurting you and the kids. From the male perspective, it feels like we are neglected for our work, we work all day and we are tired when we get home and EXPECT everyone to do everything for us. This comes from a warped society where male privilege is unfortunately still dominant in the 'belief' systems and 'mindset' of us men. Women stay at home with the kids, men work, women cook, men drive, etc, etc. The more you destroy this belief system and start living for yourself and becoming happy on your own, calling him out on his tantrums and letting him know this is becoming intolerable should be a big enough wake up call. Just a heads up, it took me a good 6 months to stop thinking about myself and how everything isn't fair. I gave myself so many reasons to be upset with the people around me, but the only one who can truly make me happy is ME, and once the people around me stopped letting me rely on them I was forced to stand up and become a real man. I'm a tiger who's changing his stripes, yeah there is still bad history, and every time I fuck up I put my partner back onto eggshells and brings back all the memories from the past, but consistency is key and perseverance. TL:DR Did a course, stand your ground, you don't deserve this, hubby needs a kick up the arse.
Stephanie Hammack you can only fix you...you can't fix the partner. you have 2 built in responses....react or respond. react leads to the punching his lights out. respond....maybe get a clapper as a gift to help when keys go missing. it shuts down the 'it's your fault lost my stuff" thing. bottom line...change your reaction to the triggers, they will stop being a gun. would have to find other ways to tick you off...don't cooperate with turmoil....calm the waters.
My husband had a 2 yr affair so anger is all I’m feeling lately … I need help managing my responses to him … help is needed as his betrayal has destroyed me
I have a quick question. What you said in this video is exactly what happens with me and my fiance. You said that you need to acknowledge that your partner is upset and ask how you can support or help them. My question is what if your partner refuses to comply with this? For example, my fiance and I will argue, then he gets really quiet just like you said, and when I ask him how I can support him, he tells me nevermind and to forget about it. I hate prodding him further after this because I feel like I am nagging. Do you have a suggestion for how I can get him to open up to me about what he is feeling?
Corrine tell him that his emotions matter to you and that you will sit there and wait for him to feel comfortable to talk with you if after 5 mins he doesn't. simply say think on it and tell me when your ready then continue with your day. I'll give him at max an hr and he will be telling you just how he feels
I need your help but we cant be helped without knowing certain variables involved....what do we do? My husband works way too much things are way too expensive he cant take days off to go to counceling!!!!
please turn down the background music. It really distracts from the message. I enjoy what you have to say but have a hard time hearing it because of the music.
I know a man who tells his wife that she belongs in the kitchen, that being barefoot and pregnant is desirable for men (so don't walk outside barefoot, especially when there are men out), that everything that she has (car, bed, clothing, etc.) belongs to him/he bought it and that she would have nothing if it weren't for him. What stage would that be, and how does one fix something like that? (BTW, you've got some great advice! It's on point!)
I've used the last technique in the past with my current and past relationships. It never seems to be a win-win situation. It's more about giving the women a reason to keep playing mind games with you, and get away with things. That means, that this technique is mostly unrealistic. You have the tools, but if your couple doesn't have them, you'll be in the backcksit for the duration of the relationship.
I need help in my relationship. We can’t afford to take your course. Do you have a book that we can look at? We are at the power struggle phase of our relationship and it seems like a lot of the time our conversations turn into fights over little things. We need help learning how to communicate. And stop fighting. We don’t fight all the time but enough to where it’s draining. Can you please help us?
Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a year and 5months we've grown so close to each other and I was going 2 propose 2 her on her Bday which is in a few days but this past Saturday I said some things 2 her I shouldn't have said I got so mad I got my things and left. I txt her later that night apologizing 2 her she said "she wanna to be left alone" so I gave her space and then tried txt/calling her 2 days after come 2 find out she blocked me. Idk what to do or what to think I thought we had something serious we talked about marriage, but we have no communication right to try and make things better. What should I do?
Right now me and my girlfriend have problem because my Gf has a celebrity chrush and called him hot and I got so jealous and I got angry and started texting her and said very stupid things and then posted stuff about the celebraty and said he stole my girl and stuff and that bugged her and I feel like shit I tried talking to her today and I told her she can yell at me and slap me how much she wants because I'm wrong and I regret saying it cause I feel like shit and she said "GOOD" and seemed pissed off and wanted to cry because she thinks I don't want her to be a fan of him or seeing him and I've told her I don't care if she a fan and stuff but it did bother me that she called him hot and she said it's the same thing and I'm my opinion it's not cause I'm a fan of many celebs but I don't chrush on them and we started arguing over shit that's stupid I regret it
i was just about to ask this question, sometimes i just want to be alone and colect my thoughts but he wants to talk and resolve it right then and there and wont let me leave till i talk to him and make eye contact
Tell them that you're going to talk about this again but right now you need some time to recollect your thoughts, think rationally and calm yourself down. Explain that it's for the two of you, you don't want to hurt each other after being triggered.
did you try to explain? My boyfriend leaves sometimes and he had to explain to me multiple times before I felt secure enough to let him go. Not that I am not upset now when he does :/
I don't think the romantic type of love is special. And I am started to think that the romantic type of love isn't real. I mean about more than half of romantic couples either break up with each other or divorce each other, while most platonic best friends remain friends until death. I think that having a platonic best friend is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse is. Having someone who's like a sibling to you is a lot better than having a romantic partner is. Also, you you would more likely be much closer to a person who's like a brother or sister to you than you would be with a romantic partner or spouse. People tend to fight with their partner or spouse a lot more than they do with a platonic best friend, and you never fight with your best friend the way you fight with your partner or spouse. Partners and spouses are just temporary. If you break up or divorce them, it's hard to go back to them. With your platonic best friend, you're going to make things work, because they are your best friend, they are your go to partner. It's always easier to make amends with them than it is with a romantic partner or spouse. Also, there are a lot of toxic romantic relationships, while there isn't that many toxic platonic relationships. Like an example is that abuse happens a lot in romantic relationships, while abuse is rare in platonic relationships. So there is a lot of abusive romantic relationships, while there is isn't that many abusive platonic relationships. Why do you think abusive romantic relationships have a term for them called "domestic violence", while abusive platonic relationships don't have a term for them? It's because abuse in platonic relationships are very rare, while abuse in romantic relationships happens a lot. And also, a lot of people cheat on their romantic partners with someone else, while most people won't do stuff like that with their platonic best friends. And also, it seems that fathers usually hate it whenever their daughter gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy), and it seems that they often hate the idea of their daughter dating, and many fathers seem against the idea of their daughters dating. There are even shirts made for daughters that say "I'M NOT ALLOWED TO EVER DATE" and shirts made for fathers that say "DADS AGAINST DAUGHTERS DATING". Brothers also tend to act the same way that fathers do whenever their sister gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy). It seems brothers (like fathers) hate the idea of their sisters dating. So it seems that most fathers don't ever want their daughters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone, and it also seems that most brothers don't ever want their sisters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone. So those could also be other reasons why the concept of romantic relationships isn't a good thing because of how protective fathers and brothers tend to be whenever their daughter or sister dates someone. Also, I heard that most people can live a life without romance and can still be happy. But most of the time, if someone doesn't have any platonic friends in their life, it can effect them really bad mentally; much worse than living a life without a romantic partner. In today's world, less people are dating and getting married now, and they seem to be more happy being single rather than being in romantic relationship with someone. And also, most people are pretty much comfortable enough to be naked around someone and have sex with someone that they have no romantic feelings towards. So those are other reasons why romantic love isn't real or special, while platonic love is.
I agree. It totaly makes sense. When I start to argue, it doesn't mean I really want to fight or hurt my partner. The only thing that I really want him to do at that moment is to hug me, show me some understanding and express his love. I absolutely found myself in the words ''protesting the dissconnection''. I obviously do It all the time. Now I understand myself a bit more.
My therapist told me for homework to find out what fair fighting is quite amazing I learn something new everyday🤯
You need BOTH partners to be willing to look for and understand the underlying reasons for conflict/triggers. Not only do you give but you need to receive. It's a 2 way street.
I wish I knew this when I was constantly having fights with my husband. This is GREAT information. Taking a "time out' is a great idea. But I'm trying much harder to hear what he has to say and trying not to have fights now. I have to change if I want my marriage to work. I need to remember this when a fight may arise and keep reviewing it. Thank you Bruce.
Please make more content! Your work is truly amazing. Life saver
Absolute gold dust Bruce, thank you
One of the best relationship gurus. Awesome tips!
Thank you seriously I'm having trouble right now in my relationship but I'm going to try out what you said and suggested! Thanks again!!
You hit the nail right on the head with this one! I can't wait to show this to my husband.
you cant show someone eles their shortcomings and expect to change them unless they just have a weak MIND ! You cant change someone eles .......! But I feel for ya!
Wow, so amazing yet so simple. This video and the advice in it is incredible. It's my marriage, nailed it. Thank you!
You are on point! Thanks for this.
great information I appreciate it and it gave me a deeper understanding
Good info
Thank you!
Great teaching thank you 🙏
This is amazing. Thank you. :)
you are awesome man!!!!
Brilliant! this should be taught in high school just as physics and chemistry. Seriously .. 👍
Good advise!!
So profoundly true!!!
Yes! This is awesome!
AWSOME THANK YOU :)
beautiful, helpful, and inspiring video!! :^)
I cant quit loving this guy never been down a two way street
I wish me and my partner could be so intelligent while we are fighting :/ would be lovely to soothe or to be soothed...
Good video
hey am from eingland thanks for your help and i am engaged
THANK YOU !
Thank you continue the great video I deeply with you.Man love Women
My partner is constantly upset over the pettiest things, losing his keys, glasses, wallet somewhere in the house to which end he will slam things around the house, wake the children and I out of a sound sleep. He expects everyone else to be responsible for his things and help him look regardless of we may be engrossed in at that moment. I find it incredibly inconsiderate. Also he constantly criticizes everything I do. No one in the house is aloud the freedom of making a mistake or they will be brow beaten and shamed. I don't feel like soothing him, I feel like punching him out. Please advise.
Sounds like how I used to act. After learning about myself and getting in tune with my own emotions, I found that a lot of it was just selfish, narcissistic behavior. This isn't something that you can control, it's not something that will stop unless your man puts in some pretty solid effort.
I've been with my partner for 3 years, but it took a BIG wake up call for me to realize how much of an asshole I was, but 1 year down the track (and a long way to go still) and our relationship is picking up again. I'm watching my behavior and communicating a lot better.
The thing is, the world doesn't revolve around him, but he has his blindfold on so he will need some pretty firm boundaries in place before he realizes how much he's actually hurting you and the kids.
From the male perspective, it feels like we are neglected for our work, we work all day and we are tired when we get home and EXPECT everyone to do everything for us. This comes from a warped society where male privilege is unfortunately still dominant in the 'belief' systems and 'mindset' of us men.
Women stay at home with the kids, men work, women cook, men drive, etc, etc. The more you destroy this belief system and start living for yourself and becoming happy on your own, calling him out on his tantrums and letting him know this is becoming intolerable should be a big enough wake up call.
Just a heads up, it took me a good 6 months to stop thinking about myself and how everything isn't fair. I gave myself so many reasons to be upset with the people around me, but the only one who can truly make me happy is ME, and once the people around me stopped letting me rely on them I was forced to stand up and become a real man.
I'm a tiger who's changing his stripes, yeah there is still bad history, and every time I fuck up I put my partner back onto eggshells and brings back all the memories from the past, but consistency is key and perseverance.
TL:DR
Did a course, stand your ground, you don't deserve this, hubby needs a kick up the arse.
Stephanie Hammack you can only fix you...you can't fix the partner. you have 2 built in responses....react or respond. react leads to the punching his lights out. respond....maybe get a clapper as a gift to help when keys go missing. it shuts down the 'it's your fault lost my stuff" thing. bottom line...change your reaction to the triggers, they will stop being a gun. would have to find other ways to tick you off...don't cooperate with turmoil....calm the waters.
JoeWill'Films Thank you so much!!
@@GambogeMotionWow, it's really a nice thing when you know yourself more and figure your weaknesses and work on them. Thank you for sharing this.
My God so true
My husband had a 2 yr affair so anger is all I’m feeling lately … I need help managing my responses to him … help is needed as his betrayal has destroyed me
The part where you were talking about how stupid we get made me actually lol
I have a quick question. What you said in this video is exactly what happens with me and my fiance. You said that you need to acknowledge that your partner is upset and ask how you can support or help them. My question is what if your partner refuses to comply with this? For example, my fiance and I will argue, then he gets really quiet just like you said, and when I ask him how I can support him, he tells me nevermind and to forget about it. I hate prodding him further after this because I feel like I am nagging. Do you have a suggestion for how I can get him to open up to me about what he is feeling?
Corrine tell him that his emotions matter to you and that you will sit there and wait for him to feel comfortable to talk with you if after 5 mins he doesn't. simply say think on it and tell me when your ready then continue with your day. I'll give him at max an hr and he will be telling you just how he feels
How would you recommend bring this up to your spouse?
How did i get here from
"Fly, fighting fair, it's the code of the air"?
I love the world war 3 expression
SON you cant be in two minds at one time no matter how easy you make it sound !
I need your help but we cant be helped without knowing certain variables involved....what do we do? My husband works way too much things are way too expensive he cant take days off to go to counceling!!!!
please turn down the background music. It really distracts from the message. I enjoy what you have to say but have a hard time hearing it because of the music.
I know a man who tells his wife that she belongs in the kitchen, that being barefoot and pregnant is desirable for men (so don't walk outside barefoot, especially when there are men out), that everything that she has (car, bed, clothing, etc.) belongs to him/he bought it and that she would have nothing if it weren't for him.
What stage would that be, and how does one fix something like that?
(BTW, you've got some great advice! It's on point!)
I've used the last technique in the past with my current and past relationships. It never seems to be a win-win situation. It's more about giving the women a reason to keep playing mind games with you, and get away with things. That means, that this technique is mostly unrealistic. You have the tools, but if your couple doesn't have them, you'll be in the backcksit for the duration of the relationship.
i badly need ur help ...
please help me
I need help in my relationship. We can’t afford to take your course. Do you have a book that we can look at? We are at the power struggle phase of our relationship and it seems like a lot of the time our conversations turn into fights over little things. We need help learning how to communicate. And stop fighting. We don’t fight all the time but enough to where it’s draining. Can you please help us?
Did you ever figure it out?
im alwhese andgry im sometimes fight
Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a year and 5months we've grown so close to each other and I was going 2 propose 2 her on her Bday which is in a few days but this past Saturday I said some things 2 her I shouldn't have said I got so mad I got my things and left. I txt her later that night apologizing 2 her she said "she wanna to be left alone" so I gave her space and then tried txt/calling her 2 days after come 2 find out she blocked me. Idk what to do or what to think I thought we had something serious we talked about marriage, but we have no communication right to try and make things better. What should I do?
Right now me and my girlfriend have problem because my Gf has a celebrity chrush and called him hot and I got so jealous and I got angry and started texting her and said very stupid things and then posted stuff about the celebraty and said he stole my girl and stuff and that bugged her and I feel like shit I tried talking to her today and I told her she can yell at me and slap me how much she wants because I'm wrong and I regret saying it cause I feel like shit and she said "GOOD" and seemed pissed off and wanted to cry because she thinks I don't want her to be a fan of him or seeing him and I've told her I don't care if she a fan and stuff but it did bother me that she called him hot and she said it's the same thing and I'm my opinion it's not cause I'm a fan of many celebs but I don't chrush on them and we started arguing over shit that's stupid I regret it
Fight or flight y'all fight or flight
Well hell..is he available? 😂he's got all the answers
Reassurance is the worst thing you can do. This creates a feedback loop of reassurance seeking behavior.
What if your partner does not let you leave
i was just about to ask this question, sometimes i just want to be alone and colect my thoughts but he wants to talk and resolve it right then and there and wont let me leave till i talk to him and make eye contact
same here mine's really sedative he even results tears lol js
Tell them that you're going to talk about this again but right now you need some time to recollect your thoughts, think rationally and calm yourself down. Explain that it's for the two of you, you don't want to hurt each other after being triggered.
Reshme Call the police
did you try to explain? My boyfriend leaves sometimes and he had to explain to me multiple times before I felt secure enough to let him go. Not that I am not upset now when he does :/
I don't think the romantic type of love is special. And I am started to think that the romantic type of love isn't real. I mean about more than half of romantic couples either break up with each other or divorce each other, while most platonic best friends remain friends until death.
I think that having a platonic best friend is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse is. Having someone who's like a sibling to you is a lot better than having a romantic partner is. Also, you you would more likely be much closer to a person who's like a brother or sister to you than you would be with a romantic partner or spouse.
People tend to fight with their partner or spouse a lot more than they do with a platonic best friend, and you never fight with your best friend the way you fight with your partner or spouse. Partners and spouses are just temporary. If you break up or divorce them, it's hard to go back to them. With your platonic best friend, you're going to make things work, because they are your best friend, they are your go to partner. It's always easier to make amends with them than it is with a romantic partner or spouse.
Also, there are a lot of toxic romantic relationships, while there isn't that many toxic platonic relationships. Like an example is that abuse happens a lot in romantic relationships, while abuse is rare in platonic relationships. So there is a lot of abusive romantic relationships, while there is isn't that many abusive platonic relationships.
Why do you think abusive romantic relationships have a term for them called "domestic violence", while abusive platonic relationships don't have a term for them? It's because abuse in platonic relationships are very rare, while abuse in romantic relationships happens a lot.
And also, a lot of people cheat on their romantic partners with someone else, while most people won't do stuff like that with their platonic best friends.
And also, it seems that fathers usually hate it whenever their daughter gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy), and it seems that they often hate the idea of their daughter dating, and many fathers seem against the idea of their daughters dating. There are even shirts made for daughters that say "I'M NOT ALLOWED TO EVER DATE" and shirts made for fathers that say "DADS AGAINST DAUGHTERS DATING".
Brothers also tend to act the same way that fathers do whenever their sister gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy). It seems brothers (like fathers) hate the idea of their sisters dating.
So it seems that most fathers don't ever want their daughters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone, and it also seems that most brothers don't ever want their sisters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone.
So those could also be other reasons why the concept of romantic relationships isn't a good thing because of how protective fathers and brothers tend to be whenever their daughter or sister dates someone.
Also, I heard that most people can live a life without romance and can still be happy. But most of the time, if someone doesn't have any platonic friends in their life, it can effect them really bad mentally; much worse than living a life without a romantic partner. In today's world, less people are dating and getting married now, and they seem to be more happy being single rather than being in romantic relationship with someone.
And also, most people are pretty much comfortable enough to be naked around someone and have sex with someone that they have no romantic feelings towards.
So those are other reasons why romantic love isn't real or special, while platonic love is.
I have this ego i just can't sooth u till u sooth me first