I met my man in person. He's 5'6" and the best and sexiest man I've ever met. He is the most consistent and straightforward man I've ever dated. His eyes and eye contact are absolute fire! That could never be revealed online. That's why it's important to meet. So happy we met!
I've been with my partner for 22 years and there was no chemistry per se at the start. It grew over time and I continue to become more attracted to him because of his character and our shared values.
52, mostly single...and loving life. It also can be a total gift of freedom and sovereignty over your life. And I won't die alone because I have great friends and family. So if a great guy comes along,cool...but he'll have to be great...meanwhile, I'm planning a month in Mexico!!!
Yes!!! I’m 52 and loving my wellness journey and loving myself and being by myself ❤ I will not settle and until the right man comes along I will continue to focus on my beautiful self ❤❤❤planning a trip to Hawaii 🎉
Love this! I’m 50 - was with my ex husband for 25 years until he left me for a younger model! Have dated over the past 6 years with one relationship of 2 years. Didn’t work out and I love being single!!!!
Good for you! I am 52 and just got divorced last month and am enjoying single life, but at the same time, I don’t mind to meet a right person coming along. Life should be beautiful in many ways, just enjoy and cherish every moment when still alive. 🎉❤🎉❤
When making a first impression, it's all about being genuine and confident. Show interest in the other person, listen actively, and be yourself. A warm smile and good eye contact can go a long way in creating a positive vibe.
I love when a woman who is married and has not been in the dating scene for 30 years, is telling women we need to put ourselves out there. There's a reason why we no longer put ourselves out there because we have been disappointed, in my case for nearly 25 years, and treated like we're nothing more than a piece of ass. What I don't hear is the truth about the emotional immaturity of men over the age of 50, who refuse to do the work and how exhausting that is for women. We want a partner not a project. Furthermore, Shaming someone into changing their behavior is not how you change Behavior.
I watched the show The Later Daters on Netflix the day it came out. The entire season. It was fabulous. And so funny. But it also gave me hope at 44 and still single with no kids. Can’t wait to listen to this podcast. Great topic! Thank you Mel! ❤
I see alot of single people. Having given up on love, admittedly lonely, or not willing to admit. Couples who seek to make each other happy will experience true peace and joy. Thank you for teaching ...
Hi Mel and Logan, Thank you for this episode. I have been using Hinge and Bumble for the past year and feel like I am burnt out. I wanted to give online dating a flick. However, after listening to you today, I am rapidly changing my attitude towards online dating. I am closing this year of dating(first time in my life, 51)on a low point, but now hearing you two, I am changing my opinion. Truly.
This hits home the idea that we are all competing with the other person's 'type' and feeling rejected because we don't fit the criteria of a type that is basically fictional in the first place. F the type and F the spark and if the other person won't give you a chance beyond their limited check list then move on but first look in the mirror before you make the first move to move on too.
1:04:37 I'm pretty sure Hinge has a very low limit on how many comments you can send without paying. Logan incriminates Hinge in this interview by admitting that women are not sending out messages because they're overwhelmed, while she blames this man for not sending enough comments and not having a good profile. The man's question was absolutely right, Hinge and all dating apps monetize men's desperation. If you pay money you can send as many disrespectful comments as you like, but if you're a careful and conscious person looking for real connection, the odds are against you. This is class warfare.
I am a firm believer in Character over Chemistry. It's true about the spark, it can grow when you're with someone you initially was not attracted to, but as a 48 year old women, who is highly confident and secure, I am dating the most selfish, insecure, emotionally immature blue f-boys. We need to deal with that the majority of people and dare I say mostly men are bad behaving and are not being held accountable. It be great to have an app that does full background checks or rates people because if a job has those bare basic must haves so should a partner.
Ooo… good one, Barbara!! I couldn’t agree more. This one I know is in a perpetual star of ‘arrested development’. Mama died when he was 5, daddy abused him his entire childhood. He’s angry and easily triggered 😾
The rest of us are not responsible for you looking in the wrong places and picking the wrong men. I've never even downloaded a dating app and there are no hard feelings between me and my 3 significant exes, so it can't be my fault 😂
Something that I have been trying to figure out is that for someone like my self that has done the inner work and on the constant path to grow and be the best i can; How do i present that to someone to see that and see that character vs just the spark? I have been on the other end so many times of being told "I Just did not feel that spark"
This isn't just a technology issue. As someone actively using apps, dating apps themselves can be a letdown--presenting matches who are inactive on the app, not policing rampant catfishing, making support requests over anything other than email impossible (then answering those requests using pre-canned scripts that do not address the issue), or making subscription plans virtually impossible to cancel. It's no wonder that between dating culture and subpar apps, we give up.
As a woman in her 50s who been married and done a fair amount of dating, I believe that the man should be the one pursuing, and the woman should be the one accepting or not accepting. I believe today, that too many of the men are not operating in their masculine, while many of the women are not operating in their feminine. When a woman pursuesa man in a relationship, that sets the tone for the relationship. I believe that the man needs to step up and do the pursuing. It’s definitely about quality not quantity. If I have learned anything, it is that women should not settle, and women should not chase or approach the man. This advice comes from many men that I know, and I trust them because they are men that are high value and masculine.
Thanks for having her, she really helped me with the dating life because she gives real solutions that are data based. The world needs help to create relationships because the world has become more complicated due to more variables effecting us that make it more difficulty to choose or know when to invest.
You both use 50 as the top age while saying this’ll be good for any age. Some of us are in our 60s even 70s. I’ll stick around but the money is in targeting the 50 and under crowd, so I’m very not hopeful here.
Agreed...! Have you seen the Netflix series "The Later Daters"? This guest is the dating coach for the late 50's and 60's singles on the show. The episodes are rather silly but her insights, advice, and coaching are pretty good!
I’ve been on every site you can imagine, including sites I’ve paid for. 8 years divorced. What a disappointment! Even with opening filters and distance. It’s a dating pool filled with bad fish. 🐟. Loved this Mel but I’m done dating.
5'10" woman, not dating a man who is shorter. Tried a couple of times, so as to not be "too picky" or "limiting" and it is not something I am physically comfortable or instinctually comfortable with. I'll look into other factors, Ha!
Living apart together should become more of a popular thing...I'm 49 years old, we don't need to live together because we are not having kids together and I can pay my own rent and do not need the extra help just because it's "society normal". My boundaries are that we see each other maximum 2 nights in a week. The first 3 months is 1x a week, if they need more...bubye. I can be with someone and love them but not need to see them in person all the time. I want my alone time too.
Loved this episode I've read Logan's book and found it very helpful. I'm 55 and have been dating for years with some success...but am single now. My last boyfriend of almost a year impulsively (in my estimation) broke up with me after we had some difficult disagreements. I thought we were just getting into that "difficult conversation" area and would repair and grow from it. He ended our relationship abruptly and said we were incompatible. Really broke my heart and shook my foundation as we had been planning our future lives together and had so much in common and had a lot of fun together. This wasn't the first time I've run into men who've not done their own emotional work/therapy to heal from past wounds. I'm in no way completely healed from my past but feel I know what it is, how I typically react and how I can do better. I've been in and out of therapy for years. I've heard some women saying they wont date a man unless he is in therapy. That has seemed extreme to me, but now I feel they may be on to something. It's just really disheartening and makes it difficult to trust myself or future men I may date. Thoughts?
If you're a single man reading this, please get a woman to take and choose your profile photos. I don't know if y'all are missing the DNA link for taking great selfies, but I've given very unattractive men the first coffee date, and was ALWAYS pleasantly surprised with how cute they were. The photos never did them justice.
I’ve listened to tons of Logan Ury and I value her perspective so much. It’s really hard for me though. I’m a HUGE maximizer and have commitment issues. It’s really hard for me to pick anything in life, especially someone I want to settle down with despite the overwhelming amount of competition out there. I have a hard time believing any one person will suit me for my whole life as I’m someone who constantly changes, in big ways. Sometimes I think I’m meant to be a bachelorette my whole life.
I’m almost 60. I’m going through an awful divorce from a 37 year marriage. It’s been 1 1/2 years since I filed. I had zero connection with my ex. I stated because I believe in death do you part. I have met another man 9 months after my separation. We have a great connection but he is broke and struggles to make ends meet every month. We have been exclusive for 8 months and his financial situation is causing me to worry about my own financial stability if I stay with him. He is a good man in so many other ways. He is encouraging to me, he supports my business decisions and contributes and helps me with my business. He is fun. We dance together, which I love. I am looking at long term. He also struggles with telling people no and it costs him time that he could be working on his own business and then he gets frustrated by how little time he has to work on his own business. But refuses to not help others. This is another red flag to me but are these big enough red flags to ditch the relationship?
Good points. Theres a difference between the checklist mindset and the actual experiential time spent...in consideration. Hands off. Just consideration. Maybe.
My problem is not getting the likes or first contact online, its the lack of follow up or getting the date scheduled. There is so much ghosting- it’s extremely discouraging. 55 yo divorced for years…..
I find paid or unpaid sites all the same terrible, all rests on a few pics and so many men too lazy to drive to even meet for coffee!I ts bad out there in my opinion....
My problem is that irl I try to talk to people irl and it seems like guys don’t want to have a conversation. I compliment them to try to show interest and see if they want to interact with me but it’s like a one word response of “thanks” and then they move along. Also on the apps, I live in a small town but I don’t want another LDR so that makes things limited and I get frustrated because I end up with little to no matches. I had this negative belief about myself for a long time that no one is going to be interested in me after I got divorced so putting myself out there trying to conquer this negative belief and not having success just seems to confirm this and I think that’s why I just have decided to not even look or try anymore to find someone.
I can’t get a date because no one will give me a chance after the 1st 4 questions. Divorced-no never been married, kids-no (means I won’t understand if they do have them), when was your last ltr-never been in a relationship (that’s a huge red flag especially at my age), what do you do-in retail management (had a dozen men unmatch with me within mins of finding this out)…..all of this is so defeating and doesn’t make you feel so great about yourself. I’m a 45 woman btw. I’m really struggling to get past these initial questions so they can actually get to know the real me. I’ve even lied sometimes to get them to keep talking to me so I can show them the real me without bias. I feel like I’m a walking red flag that no man will ever get to know. Any advice?
“No, but…” ie. “I haven’t been married yet.” “No kids, no baggage. Might be interested in adding some.” “Taking applications for the first.” “My dream job is (whatever) and I’m working forward that by (this thing) and supporting myself in retail management while I do that.”
I have been single by choice for over 10 years now I feel ready to meet a compatible mate. I am 58 just moved from Florida to upstate NY more rural so beautiful here. I am on Hinge and Match very overwhelming.
My advice is to always talk on the phone before meeting in person. You can glean a lot from how people handle themselves on the phone,as opposed to texting. And then make it a rule that everyone gets a 30 minute coffee date. And even if you don't have something going on after, just say that you do so you can end it and leave them wanting more. After a phone call or two, and a coffee date, you should know whether or not you want to spend more time with the person and you haven't wasted your own time going out to dinner and spending 3 hours with someone that you can't stand or being someone's pen pal through texting for 3 weeks. Because there are a lot of married men out there who will be your pen pal in order to get an ego boost and have no intention of meeting you.
It has been 4 years of divorce for me..I don't know if I learnt enough to get back on the game and not make the same mistakes.. my need for attachment sometimes outweighs my instincts and red flag warnings.. I m 38 and see others getting brave and taking plunge and I m like I rather not.. in 4 years haven't been out on dates or anythinf
I'd say focus on your career, put money in the bank, do adventures that satisfy you, and forget about romance. I'm in my late 60's and when I think about the time I wasted on men, it makes me crazy. I love my life; I have the money, the adventures, and not a lot of friends, because even women become annoying in their later years, with phobias. Join a running club, pickleball, a choir, take up some unique thing...get out in nature, and stick to your 'ick' instinct. Men can be so duplicitous, needy and many of them are looking for a sugar mommy.
This video is really great and hits home on the fact of getting our selves out there and really learning about the things that we can live with and long as we share same values and can grow together and just want to have companionship and peace. I find that people tend to make relationships more complicated than they need to be and create these really high expectations vs Do you feel great being in each others presence and talk about anything and be a true TEAM . That part that was said about learning how to have the tools to work through things is super important vs when things get hard then they just end. Something I have had to do a lot of work on to learn these tools.
I always tell my girlfriends when they are complaining about their partners that if we collectivity saved our time from worrying about men, what men want and like we’d know 7 languages each. Don’t waste your time, hobbies are more rewarding. Just more propaganda for the capitalist consumer machine. Couples consume 3X as much as a single person, add a baby 5X.
I actually just finished watching "Later Daters" executive produced by Michelle Obama. 🎉🎉 I'm single again and almost 60. It was interesting to watch the dynamics and the advice given. I think having an objective viewpoint can be helpful from someone who studies human behavior, as well as, input from close family and friends who have observed the dater in their personal dynamics. I also see the need for trusting your own observations and patterns in your own life. No one knows you better than you. So, the combination of all of this input can be useful. There was a time when a friend, family member, or trusted colleague might introduce you to someone they thought you might connect with. There was a measure of safety with that. This was a good conversation. Thanks ladies.✨️✨️
I am a 63 yo woman. When i was in my 20s and 30s, in my opinion, men were a LOT more courageous and bold to approach a woman in an attempt to get to know her IRL. Maybe women were kinder, back then, in their rejection if they weren't interested. I think men are in a tough place nowadays. IDK. ??
Great stuff!! Mel, thank you so much for posting these on UA-cam. Some of us have a lot of hearing loss and cannot use the pod cast format because we lose or miss 50% of what's said. By watching on UA-cam I get so much more out of your work! Thank you!!!
I can tolerate rejection, I can’t tolerate only being offered situationships. I decline the offers but that doesn’t solve the problem of wanting someone to give a real offer.
As a lesbian in my 40s it seems like the dating pool is already small, and then most all the women that I do match with and start up a conversation. It's always one-sided conversations. They are telling me paragraphs about themselves, with no questions towards me. Then I ask questions about their paragraphs, and they'll just continue talking about themselves and still not interested in asking me anything. it's getting old! The past 5 people I have started up conversations with it's gone that way. I just stopped replying after the third or fourth time they don't ask me anything. I'm about to give up.
@hineewinee If that was the case, why would they only be talking about themselves. I have been in several relationships, from meeting people on dating apps. You know the difference from someone showing interest in someone and someone who is only showing interests in themselves.
No one makes eye contact anymore or sustains it in any meaningful way to send a signal and if not a 'signal' just a basic acknowledgment of human to human. How many people just on a basic walk in your neighborhood will cross the street or won't even say hi? We're losing this basic of basic connection. Eye contact and a smile and just saying hello goes a loooong way. Start with that.
I’m 50, single, gay and recently keep getting played by guys who obsess over me for the first 5-6 months and then they discard. Prior to these last three, my last long term relationship was with an alcoholic who deliberately drove my dog up to the hills of Portland and left her in the woods while I was at work. Ever since that relationship ended in 2013, I stayed single and started dating again in 2018 with the first of three narcissistic individuals. Looking back the last three guys seemed to have narcissitc traits, especially this last one who love bombed me like crazy. He’d tell me he wanted to do life with me, that I was his man, but then yell at me how we aren’t a couple and I have no right to ask certain things of him.
In islam we dont date, we talk with each other in front of family then we get married quickly, and that makes a successful relationship, Search about islam, you will love it😊
Stopped going on dating apps. Most of the men on these sights are married, attached to a GF etc. You’d be able to tell by certain issues. Then most I’d say most were looking for a one night stand and no matter what I’d get a penis photo….even if I didn’t ask for one….why would I? Even the guys you thought were nice after chatting they’d soon send a rude pic. I think it’s much better meeting in person….feeling that chemistry…..or talking to them……etc…..
@ married or have girlfriends mostly then the players who just want a shag. It was all false. I found it just fed their ego…… not sites for relationships even the ones that claim they are for people looking for a relationship not a one night. All bullshit. I’d rather be alone until I find someone. It’s not high standards. It’s just not compromising on people who have no respect for me. I’m happy with dogs and animals xx
What makes meeting online seem attractive vs. approaching someone in public is getting a back story or idea of what kind of person they might be before ever having to talk to them 😅. Approaching someone in public kind of comes down to physical attraction because you know nothing about them until you talk to them. When they open their mouth and they reveal how cringe they are, it becomes very difficult to retract that introduction and shirk them off 😆. Yet the dating apps suck because people use it as sport dating and are in it for the lay rather than becoming vulnerable and finding a deeply connected relationship. I find it bothersome when we're talking about grown adult men and women trying to find relationships and we're still referring to them as "guys and girls". Why does everyone do this😬😂
The problem is people are sleeping with people and do relationships things with someone, and then pull the rug out from under them. People need to be honest from the start.
Hey Mel, good afternoon. I just came across the email that you sent me. I’ve been kinda under the weather fighting off a stomach thing and just putting all the tools in line and using your podcast theories specially the let them theory and yes, I am going to get a book when it gets out into Barnes & Noble‘s, the book absolutely amazing thanks so much for replying to my last post. Really appreciate it. Podcasts are so interesting and uplifting, and I learned so much from your different information and I practice it a lot.
For the producers of this podcast, please, for the sake of visual continuity, keep Mel Robbins on the left of the screen and the guest on the right of the screen! It was so distracting when the show cut to the wide shot and Mel and Logan abruptly switched which side of the screen they were on. This is distracting to the viewer because they now need to re-scan the screen to locate the speaker again! Keeping the speakers on the same respective sides of the screen will make an already profession show look and feel even more professional, and your audience will appreciate it! If a wide shot from the other side is not possible, then simply do not use a wide shot. I hope this is helpful!
What about those of us over 50? I have been on the dating apps (Bumble, Ourtime) and I have found most want one night stands, and a "Sugar Mama". I am educated, a sense of humor, and other interests. It is very frustrating.
So good! I struggle w feeling undatable because I am 30lbs overweight. I feel like I need to lose it or accept myself as I am and just get on with it. But I do feel it affects my self worth, even though in my head, I know it shouldn't. But with this state of mind, I feel that I need to work on my self worth piece first, so I don't go into a relationship w this self worth issue. Thoughts?
I have never been able to land a date from a dating app. They are chatting apps. They are all interested until it came time to meet eye to eye, then they only want to chat.
I'm a single, almost 50yo woman. I know how to love but I've chosen the wrong men...so I've given up! My life is crazy right now, with having to raise 2 of my grandchildren. I've told myself that no one wants to be a part of that. I don't mind being single, but I want a love to add to my life.
I’m not even looking because if I have to go through another heartbreak, I won’t make it. I’m 58 and alone. I don’t date and nobody worth it asks me out.
everything said here is true, but the problem is that there is an incredibly large number of fake profiles. secondly, have you really seen most of the profiles of men over 50? One selfie taken in the bathroom when the man is in a stretched T-shirt - this is what most profiles look like, unfortunately. this is the situation on paid sites.
Thank you Mel for sharing this and I’m Grateful for your Ms Ury’s teaching tonight☺️ I am capable of loving what I’m having a hard hard time understanding how to date🤔 I’ve met a couple of wonderful men over the last year and a half. Two of them I am very, very interested in. And I believe they are interested in me. The conversation has gone both ways in that direction 😀Yet, I’m looking for advice like you two are giving tonight☺️ as I would like to not repeat patterns from my past. Thank you so much again for this talk tonight.
Absolutely not true that " we are born knowing how to love but not how to date" . So many people who are products of broken, homes, families, addiction etc and beyond even in non broken homes but products of families that don't know how to love grow up not knowing how to love....unfortunately
Also its all about intentions. Are your profile honest? What is your goal? Vs. Are you pretending, holding back, exaggerating? BE NICE, the entire experience is an emotional risk. No need to ghost, be rude, gross, insulting. You want to pursue, great. You want to stop, take a brief moment to wish each other well and move on.
So... everyone needs to "Chinese Fire Drill" their life!!! Get out of the passenger seat, run around the car at the stoplight, and get into that driver's seat!! LOL 😁
Good morning. While I understand your intentions may be good, it's important not to call anyone "my love" unless they are! Please show respect for all women, including Mel.
It seems to me that you are gay or lesbian, those people from the Woke Culture that are on the verge of extinction. People who are uncomfortable with the expression "love" can only be people whose minds have been washed by shitty globalists.🤭@@JP-yl8yz
I met my man in person. He's 5'6" and the best and sexiest man I've ever met. He is the most consistent and straightforward man I've ever dated. His eyes and eye contact are absolute fire! That could never be revealed online. That's why it's important to meet. So happy we met!
How long have you been with him?
I've been with my partner for 22 years and there was no chemistry per se at the start. It grew over time and I continue to become more attracted to him because of his character and our shared values.
So true 😊🎉
I love Mel… she’s the auntie we all need and deserve
52, mostly single...and loving life. It also can be a total gift of freedom and sovereignty over your life. And I won't die alone because I have great friends and family. So if a great guy comes along,cool...but he'll have to be great...meanwhile, I'm planning a month in Mexico!!!
I feel like you and I are living similar lives!!🙌☺️ oh with the exception of the mostly single lol..I'm completely single 😂
Yes!!! I’m 52 and loving my wellness journey and loving myself and being by myself ❤ I will not settle and until the right man comes along I will continue to focus on my beautiful self ❤❤❤planning a trip to Hawaii 🎉
Love this! I’m 50 - was with my ex husband for 25 years until he left me for a younger model! Have dated over the past 6 years with one relationship of 2 years. Didn’t work out and I love being single!!!!
I love this
Good for you! I am 52 and just got divorced last month and am enjoying single life, but at the same time, I don’t mind to meet a right person coming along. Life should be beautiful in many ways, just enjoy and cherish every moment when still alive. 🎉❤🎉❤
When making a first impression, it's all about being genuine and confident. Show interest in the other person, listen actively, and be yourself. A warm smile and good eye contact can go a long way in creating a positive vibe.
I said to my mom "geez it went from don't talk to strangers online to go on a date with them" lol
I love when a woman who is married and has not been in the dating scene for 30 years, is telling women we need to put ourselves out there. There's a reason why we no longer put ourselves out there because we have been disappointed, in my case for nearly 25 years, and treated like we're nothing more than a piece of ass. What I don't hear is the truth about the emotional immaturity of men over the age of 50, who refuse to do the work and how exhausting that is for women. We want a partner not a project.
Furthermore, Shaming someone into changing their behavior is not how you change Behavior.
Women are no different-if not much worse from what I have been seeing
The chemistry and connection is either there or not there. You can’t force it. I tried to date men there was no real attraction and it never works.
EXACTLY. 💯🎯
I watched the show The Later Daters on Netflix the day it came out. The entire season. It was fabulous. And so funny. But it also gave me hope at 44 and still single with no kids. Can’t wait to listen to this podcast. Great topic! Thank you Mel! ❤
Same. 44 next week and I’m totally fine not having kids or husband. Would be nice to meet someone but as of now I’m totally cool
Barren
Love the show too!
I see alot of single people. Having given up on love, admittedly lonely, or not willing to admit. Couples who seek to make each other happy will experience true peace and joy. Thank you for teaching ...
Hi Mel and Logan, Thank you for this episode. I have been using Hinge and Bumble for the past year and feel like I am burnt out.
I wanted to give online dating a flick. However, after listening to you today, I am rapidly changing my attitude towards online dating.
I am closing this year of dating(first time in my life, 51)on a low point, but now hearing you two, I am changing my opinion. Truly.
This hits home the idea that we are all competing with the other person's 'type' and feeling rejected because we don't fit the criteria of a type that is basically fictional in the first place. F the type and F the spark and if the other person won't give you a chance beyond their limited check list then move on but first look in the mirror before you make the first move to move on too.
1:04:37 I'm pretty sure Hinge has a very low limit on how many comments you can send without paying.
Logan incriminates Hinge in this interview by admitting that women are not sending out messages because they're overwhelmed, while she blames this man for not sending enough comments and not having a good profile.
The man's question was absolutely right, Hinge and all dating apps monetize men's desperation.
If you pay money you can send as many disrespectful comments as you like, but if you're a careful and conscious person looking for real connection, the odds are against you.
This is class warfare.
I am a firm believer in Character over Chemistry. It's true about the spark, it can grow when you're with someone you initially was not attracted to, but as a 48 year old women, who is highly confident and secure, I am dating the most selfish, insecure, emotionally immature blue f-boys. We need to deal with that the majority of people and dare I say mostly men are bad behaving and are not being held accountable. It be great to have an app that does full background checks or rates people because if a job has those bare basic must haves so should a partner.
Ooo… good one, Barbara!! I couldn’t agree more. This one I know is in a perpetual star of ‘arrested development’. Mama died when he was 5, daddy abused him his entire childhood. He’s angry and easily triggered 😾
The rest of us are not responsible for you looking in the wrong places and picking the wrong men.
I've never even downloaded a dating app and there are no hard feelings between me and my 3 significant exes, so it can't be my fault 😂
Something that I have been trying to figure out is that for someone like my self that has done the inner work and on the constant path to grow and be the best i can; How do i present that to someone to see that and see that character vs just the spark? I have been on the other end so many times of being told "I Just did not feel that spark"
@@mike198383wish I knew the answer, Mike! I can relate and sorry it’s like that for you
This isn't just a technology issue.
As someone actively using apps, dating apps themselves can be a letdown--presenting matches who are inactive on the app, not policing rampant catfishing, making support requests over anything other than email impossible (then answering those requests using pre-canned scripts that do not address the issue), or making subscription plans virtually impossible to cancel. It's no wonder that between dating culture and subpar apps, we give up.
As a woman in her 50s who been married and done a fair amount of dating, I believe that the man should be the one pursuing, and the woman should be the one accepting or not accepting. I believe today, that too many of the men are not operating in their masculine, while many of the women are not operating in their feminine. When a woman pursuesa man in a relationship, that sets the tone for the relationship. I believe that the man needs to step up and do the pursuing. It’s definitely about quality not quantity. If I have learned anything, it is that women should not settle, and women should not chase or approach the man. This advice comes from many men that I know, and I trust them because they are men that are high value and masculine.
Your right
I totally agree.
This 💯🎯‼️ I've never hit on, pursued or chased a man in my life. I don't want to be with a man who doesn't have the courage to approach me.
Love this so true...
Agreed. It's never worked for me to make the first move. Ever.
We can "drop the handkerchief", but he needs to pick it up and bring it over.
Thanks for having her, she really helped me with the dating life because she gives real solutions that are data based. The world needs help to create relationships because the world has become more complicated due to more variables effecting us that make it more difficulty to choose or know when to invest.
You both use 50 as the top age while saying this’ll be good for any age. Some of us are in our 60s even 70s. I’ll stick around but the money is in targeting the 50 and under crowd, so I’m very not hopeful here.
I agree-it’s always that -addresses 20 and 30 year olds
And the apps are horrible and it’s not about the technology
I couldn’t stay interested I’m out
Agreed...!
Have you seen the Netflix series "The Later Daters"? This guest is the dating coach for the late 50's and 60's singles on the show. The episodes are rather silly but her insights, advice, and coaching are pretty good!
I noticed that too
I Follow dating coaches that focus on 45-70 yrs old like Jonathon Asley.
@@Joy-mm3cz I’ll have to check him out!
I’ve been on every site you can imagine, including sites I’ve paid for. 8 years divorced. What a disappointment! Even with opening filters and distance. It’s a dating pool filled with bad fish. 🐟. Loved this Mel but I’m done dating.
That's what I needed was dating advice from someone who hasn't dated for 45 years and I also needed to be told I'm doing everything wrong
5'10" woman, not dating a man who is shorter. Tried a couple of times, so as to not be "too picky" or "limiting" and it is not something I am physically comfortable or instinctually comfortable with. I'll look into other factors, Ha!
Thanks for mentioning "living apart together," as me and my partner have done this for 22 years!
Living apart together should become more of a popular thing...I'm 49 years old, we don't need to live together because we are not having kids together and I can pay my own rent and do not need the extra help just because it's "society normal". My boundaries are that we see each other maximum 2 nights in a week. The first 3 months is 1x a week, if they need more...bubye. I can be with someone and love them but not need to see them in person all the time. I want my alone time too.
Loved this episode I've read Logan's book and found it very helpful. I'm 55 and have been dating for years with some success...but am single now. My last boyfriend of almost a year impulsively (in my estimation) broke up with me after we had some difficult disagreements. I thought we were just getting into that "difficult conversation" area and would repair and grow from it. He ended our relationship abruptly and said we were incompatible. Really broke my heart and shook my foundation as we had been planning our future lives together and had so much in common and had a lot of fun together. This wasn't the first time I've run into men who've not done their own emotional work/therapy to heal from past wounds. I'm in no way completely healed from my past but feel I know what it is, how I typically react and how I can do better. I've been in and out of therapy for years. I've heard some women saying they wont date a man unless he is in therapy. That has seemed extreme to me, but now I feel they may be on to something. It's just really disheartening and makes it difficult to trust myself or future men I may date. Thoughts?
If you're a single man reading this, please get a woman to take and choose your profile photos. I don't know if y'all are missing the DNA link for taking great selfies, but I've given very unattractive men the first coffee date, and was ALWAYS pleasantly surprised with how cute they were. The photos never did them justice.
I’ve listened to tons of Logan Ury and I value her perspective so much. It’s really hard for me though. I’m a HUGE maximizer and have commitment issues. It’s really hard for me to pick anything in life, especially someone I want to settle down with despite the overwhelming amount of competition out there. I have a hard time believing any one person will suit me for my whole life as I’m someone who constantly changes, in big ways. Sometimes I think I’m meant to be a bachelorette my whole life.
I think the key is remembering that love is a choice. Choose someone you want to grow with and who can grow with you. No one is perfect.
Maximizing should be used in dating! But with the caveat there is no perfect one and not to idealize a fantasy
Yes! I just binge watched her show Later Daters on Netflix! I am single at 53 and it gave me new confidence. Loved it. 😊
I’m almost 60. I’m going through an awful divorce from a 37 year marriage. It’s been 1 1/2 years since I filed. I had zero connection with my ex. I stated because I believe in death do you part.
I have met another man 9 months after my separation. We have a great connection but he is broke and struggles to make ends meet every month. We have been exclusive for 8 months and his financial situation is causing me to worry about my own financial stability if I stay with him. He is a good man in so many other ways. He is encouraging to me, he supports my business decisions and contributes and helps me with my business. He is fun. We dance together, which I love.
I am looking at long term.
He also struggles with telling people no and it costs him time that he could be working on his own business and then he gets frustrated by how little time he has to work on his own business. But refuses to not help others. This is another red flag to me but are these big enough red flags to ditch the relationship?
Logan is so awesome. I saw her on the Later Daters!
Good points. Theres a difference between the checklist mindset and the actual experiential time spent...in consideration. Hands off. Just consideration. Maybe.
My problem is not getting the likes or first contact online, its the lack of follow up or getting the date scheduled. There is so much ghosting- it’s extremely discouraging. 55 yo divorced for years…..
I find paid or unpaid sites all the same terrible, all rests on a few pics and so many men too lazy to drive to even meet for coffee!I ts bad out there in my opinion....
My problem is that irl I try to talk to people irl and it seems like guys don’t want to have a conversation. I compliment them to try to show interest and see if they want to interact with me but it’s like a one word response of “thanks” and then they move along. Also on the apps, I live in a small town but I don’t want another LDR so that makes things limited and I get frustrated because I end up with little to no matches. I had this negative belief about myself for a long time that no one is going to be interested in me after I got divorced so putting myself out there trying to conquer this negative belief and not having success just seems to confirm this and I think that’s why I just have decided to not even look or try anymore to find someone.
Your negatif belief is what keeps you single. Work on that first and you’ll be more comfortable with interacting with them
I can’t get a date because no one will give me a chance after the 1st 4 questions. Divorced-no never been married, kids-no (means I won’t understand if they do have them), when was your last ltr-never been in a relationship (that’s a huge red flag especially at my age), what do you do-in retail management (had a dozen men unmatch with me within mins of finding this out)…..all of this is so defeating and doesn’t make you feel so great about yourself. I’m a 45 woman btw. I’m really struggling to get past these initial questions so they can actually get to know the real me. I’ve even lied sometimes to get them to keep talking to me so I can show them the real me without bias. I feel like I’m a walking red flag that no man will ever get to know. Any advice?
“No, but…”
ie. “I haven’t been married yet.”
“No kids, no baggage. Might be interested in adding some.”
“Taking applications for the first.”
“My dream job is (whatever) and I’m working forward that by (this thing) and supporting myself in retail management while I do that.”
I have your profile at 68. I don't think about it. Stay active and join interest groups.
That’s weird that they are so concerned with that. They are probably looking for a sugar mama/experienced wife appliance.
I have been single by choice for over 10 years now I feel ready to meet a compatible mate. I am 58 just moved from Florida to upstate NY more rural so beautiful here. I am on Hinge and Match very overwhelming.
My advice is to always talk on the phone before meeting in person. You can glean a lot from how people handle themselves on the phone,as opposed to texting.
And then make it a rule that everyone gets a 30 minute coffee date. And even if you don't have something going on after, just say that you do so you can end it and leave them wanting more.
After a phone call or two, and a coffee date, you should know whether or not you want to spend more time with the person and you haven't wasted your own time going out to dinner and spending 3 hours with someone that you can't stand or being someone's pen pal through texting for 3 weeks. Because there are a lot of married men out there who will be your pen pal in order to get an ego boost and have no intention of meeting you.
Adding to Mmmmkaaay’s advice…be sure to have a few good pre-screen questions to weed out the ones that aren’t right for you.
@p.v.9171 Right, like:
Do you have a job?
Do you have more than one space where a tooth should be?
🤣🤣
It has been 4 years of divorce for me..I don't know if I learnt enough to get back on the game and not make the same mistakes.. my need for attachment sometimes outweighs my instincts and red flag warnings.. I m 38 and see others getting brave and taking plunge and I m like I rather not.. in 4 years haven't been out on dates or anythinf
May I suggest for you to read the book, the “Untethered Sole, by Michael A Singer”… it helps you work on your own self first
I'd say focus on your career, put money in the bank, do adventures that satisfy you, and forget about romance. I'm in my late 60's and when I think about the time I wasted on men, it makes me crazy. I love my life; I have the money, the adventures, and not a lot of friends, because even women become annoying in their later years, with phobias. Join a running club, pickleball, a choir, take up some unique thing...get out in nature, and stick to your 'ick' instinct. Men can be so duplicitous, needy and many of them are looking for a sugar mommy.
@@labab1048this is a great book. So is “Attached”.
Don’t knock being single mid life! It’s brilliant - dating and men are over rated!!!
I am 63 and dating in Atlanta now. I would the opportunity to be on later daters if you do another season. I have been divorced 7 years.
This video is really great and hits home on the fact of getting our selves out there and really learning about the things that we can live with and long as we share same values and can grow together and just want to have companionship and peace. I find that people tend to make relationships more complicated than they need to be and create these really high expectations vs Do you feel great being in each others presence and talk about anything and be a true TEAM . That part that was said about learning how to have the tools to work through things is super important vs when things get hard then they just end. Something I have had to do a lot of work on to learn these tools.
I always tell my girlfriends when they are complaining about their partners that if we collectivity saved our time from worrying about men, what men want and like we’d know 7 languages each. Don’t waste your time, hobbies are more rewarding. Just more propaganda for the capitalist consumer machine. Couples consume 3X as much as a single person, add a baby 5X.
I actually just finished watching "Later Daters" executive produced by Michelle Obama. 🎉🎉 I'm single again and almost 60. It was interesting to watch the dynamics and the advice given. I think having an objective viewpoint can be helpful from someone who studies human behavior, as well as, input from close family and friends who have observed the dater in their personal dynamics. I also see the need for trusting your own observations and patterns in your own life. No one knows you better than you. So, the combination of all of this input can be useful. There was a time when a friend, family member, or trusted colleague might introduce you to someone they thought you might connect with. There was a measure of safety with that. This was a good conversation. Thanks ladies.✨️✨️
I saw the show it’s on Netflix and she gave great advice! Love the show. Later Dater is the name of the show!
I quit dating in my late 30s. 2 kids. Now starting again at 59.
I am a 63 yo woman. When i was in my 20s and 30s, in my opinion, men were a LOT more courageous and bold to approach a woman in an attempt to get to know her IRL.
Maybe women were kinder, back then, in their rejection if they weren't interested. I think men are in a tough place nowadays. IDK. ??
Great stuff!! Mel, thank you so much for posting these on UA-cam. Some of us have a lot of hearing loss and cannot use the pod cast format because we lose or miss 50% of what's said. By watching on UA-cam I get so much more out of your work! Thank you!!!
This advice resonates with all age groups. I'm 61 & it's very relevant...And Logan, I loved Later Daters!!
I can tolerate rejection, I can’t tolerate only being offered situationships. I decline the offers but that doesn’t solve the problem of wanting someone to give a real offer.
As a lesbian in my 40s it seems like the dating pool is already small, and then most all the women that I do match with and start up a conversation. It's always one-sided conversations. They are telling me paragraphs about themselves, with no questions towards me. Then I ask questions about their paragraphs, and they'll just continue talking about themselves and still not interested in asking me anything. it's getting old! The past 5 people I have started up conversations with it's gone that way. I just stopped replying after the third or fourth time they don't ask me anything. I'm about to give up.
I might be wrong but maybe they want you to tell them paragraphs about yourself too.
@hineewinee If that was the case, why would they only be talking about themselves. I have been in several relationships, from meeting people on dating apps. You know the difference from someone showing interest in someone and someone who is only showing interests in themselves.
Amazing interview! Truly inspiring and helpful
Great conversation 🎉. Mel, great questions ❤️
No one makes eye contact anymore or sustains it in any meaningful way to send a signal and if not a 'signal' just a basic acknowledgment of human to human. How many people just on a basic walk in your neighborhood will cross the street or won't even say hi? We're losing this basic of basic connection. Eye contact and a smile and just saying hello goes a loooong way. Start with that.
I totally agree!!
Me too!! Zero eye contact/manners/interaction. All-about-me-era.
These ladies lucked out with their partners. It is far from reality in 2024
What about people in their 80's. We want the same thing as everyone else.
Saw the Later Daters on Netflix Logan , good show !❤
She works for Hinge. Everything she says is biased.
Exactly! Wrong guest for this topic.
I’m 50, single, gay and recently keep getting played by guys who obsess over me for the first 5-6 months and then they discard. Prior to these last three, my last long term relationship was with an alcoholic who deliberately drove my dog up to the hills of Portland and left her in the woods while I was at work. Ever since that relationship ended in 2013, I stayed single and started dating again in 2018 with the first of three narcissistic individuals. Looking back the last three guys seemed to have narcissitc traits, especially this last one who love bombed me like crazy. He’d tell me he wanted to do life with me, that I was his man, but then yell at me how we aren’t a couple and I have no right to ask certain things of him.
Thank you Logan and Mel, I appreciate this. 💚
I have learn a lot! Thanks. Looking forward to building a great relationship 🎉
I especially liked the emotional intelligence test results from dating site.
I never want to date again got hurt to. Many times
In islam we dont date, we talk with each other in front of family then we get married quickly, and that makes a successful relationship,
Search about islam, you will love it😊
Thank you Mel such amazing advice as I have not had much luck with these sites but my try again after this ❤
SO glad you loved the episode, Linda xo
Stopped going on dating apps. Most of the men on these sights are married, attached to a GF etc. You’d be able to tell by certain issues. Then most I’d say most were looking for a one night stand and no matter what I’d get a penis photo….even if I didn’t ask for one….why would I? Even the guys you thought were nice after chatting they’d soon send a rude pic. I think it’s much better meeting in person….feeling that chemistry…..or talking to them……etc…..
Rude is very common. Im the same as you. No animals wanted. The dating sites are filled with obnoxious types.
@ married or have girlfriends mostly then the players who just want a shag. It was all false. I found it just fed their ego…… not sites for relationships even the ones that claim they are for people looking for a relationship not a one night. All bullshit. I’d rather be alone until I find someone. It’s not high standards. It’s just not compromising on people who have no respect for me. I’m happy with dogs and animals xx
One of the most unique perspectives I ever heard 🥰❤️❤️
I really liked this !!!.. Thank You!!!..
Great advice 👍!
What makes meeting online seem attractive vs. approaching someone in public is getting a back story or idea of what kind of person they might be before ever having to talk to them 😅. Approaching someone in public kind of comes down to physical attraction because you know nothing about them until you talk to them. When they open their mouth and they reveal how cringe they are, it becomes very difficult to retract that introduction and shirk them off 😆. Yet the dating apps suck because people use it as sport dating and are in it for the lay rather than becoming vulnerable and finding a deeply connected relationship.
I find it bothersome when we're talking about grown adult men and women trying to find relationships and we're still referring to them as "guys and girls". Why does everyone do this😬😂
Every word of this has been helpful. Thank you.
The problem is people are sleeping with people and do relationships things with someone, and then pull the rug out from under them. People need to be honest from the start.
Hey Mel, good afternoon. I just came across the email that you sent me. I’ve been kinda under the weather fighting off a stomach thing and just putting all the tools in line and using your podcast theories specially the let them theory and yes, I am going to get a book when it gets out into Barnes & Noble‘s, the book absolutely amazing thanks so much for replying to my last post. Really appreciate it. Podcasts are so interesting and uplifting, and I learned so much from your different information and I practice it a lot.
Half way through this and still feel hopeless 😢
For the producers of this podcast, please, for the sake of visual continuity, keep Mel Robbins on the left of the screen and the guest on the right of the screen! It was so distracting when the show cut to the wide shot and Mel and Logan abruptly switched which side of the screen they were on. This is distracting to the viewer because they now need to re-scan the screen to locate the speaker again! Keeping the speakers on the same respective sides of the screen will make an already profession show look and feel even more professional, and your audience will appreciate it! If a wide shot from the other side is not possible, then simply do not use a wide shot. I hope this is helpful!
I am just like your 50+yr old friend Mel... listening & praying.
Fantastic Topic!!!!!!
Thank you Mel and Logan!!!!
I’m doing everything you say to do here and more. However, most guys say I’m out of their league and don’t even try to get to know me or play games
"And, that's you" - CGA
Thanks girl for your good and awesome advice sharing for this episode and also thanks Mel I love this ❤
You are SO welcome, my friend. Glad you loved it!! xo
Such great advice❤
What about those of us over 50? I have been on the dating apps (Bumble, Ourtime) and I have found most want one night stands, and a "Sugar Mama". I am educated, a sense of humor, and other interests. It is very frustrating.
This was very eye opening to me a better way I like knowing this I don’t know how to date
Thank you ❤️ Mel 💕🙏
🎉 Hey Mel, sometimes dating red flags means a built-in limit to the relationship or maybe it'll work out. ❤❤
So good! I struggle w feeling undatable because I am 30lbs overweight. I feel like I need to lose it or accept myself as I am and just get on with it. But I do feel it affects my self worth, even though in my head, I know it shouldn't. But with this state of mind, I feel that I need to work on my self worth piece first, so I don't go into a relationship w this self worth issue. Thoughts?
I would never go to this woman for dating advice. She works for Hinge. Huge conflict of interest.
I have never been able to land a date from a dating app. They are chatting apps. They are all interested until it came time to meet eye to eye, then they only want to chat.
I'm a single, almost 50yo woman. I know how to love but I've chosen the wrong men...so I've given up! My life is crazy right now, with having to raise 2 of my grandchildren. I've told myself that no one wants to be a part of that. I don't mind being single, but I want a love to add to my life.
I’m not even looking because if I have to go through another heartbreak, I won’t make it. I’m 58 and alone. I don’t date and nobody worth it asks me out.
So good.
Great podcast but the ads keep interrupting mid sentence!! So frustrating because I lose track of what they were in the middle of saying.
I feel like mid conversation Mel is like "ok, getting divorced and getting back in the dating game is sounding really fun rn" haha
Great podcast
I logged in to comment on a post and it’s been deleted. Her post was correct in saying men need to be the pursuer.
everything said here is true, but the problem is that there is an incredibly large number of fake profiles. secondly, have you really seen most of the profiles of men over 50? One selfie taken in the bathroom when the man is in a stretched T-shirt - this is what most profiles look like, unfortunately. this is the situation on paid sites.
Thank you Mel for sharing this and I’m Grateful for your Ms Ury’s teaching tonight☺️ I am capable of loving what I’m having a hard hard time understanding how to date🤔 I’ve met a couple of wonderful men over the last year and a half. Two of them I am very, very interested in. And I believe they are interested in me. The conversation has gone both ways in that direction 😀Yet, I’m looking for advice like you two are giving tonight☺️ as I would like to not repeat patterns from my past. Thank you so much again for this talk tonight.
She’s saying it’s not the apps…she works for one…I’m sure there’s no bias there 😂
This is good!
Would it be better to manifest a physical relationship with my dream crush
remove all filters so there are more matches and we make more money. what a long ad.
Not Hinge asking you to remove filters and settle with ‘not your type’ so they can make more money off of the app 😂
Absolutely not true that " we are born knowing how to love but not how to date" . So many people who are products of broken, homes, families, addiction etc and beyond even in non broken homes but products of families that don't know how to love grow up not knowing how to love....unfortunately
Also its all about intentions.
Are your profile honest?
What is your goal?
Vs.
Are you pretending, holding back, exaggerating?
BE NICE, the entire experience is an emotional risk. No need to ghost, be rude, gross, insulting. You want to pursue, great. You want to stop, take a brief moment to wish each other well and move on.
I’m 46 and feel stuck between younger and older men. How do I meet someone around my age that doesn’t want more kids?
I am having the same issue. Younger and older but no one my age ..weird
So... everyone needs to "Chinese Fire Drill" their life!!! Get out of the passenger seat, run around the car at the stoplight, and get into that driver's seat!! LOL 😁
Good morning Mel my love. How are you today? 💞
Good morning. While I understand your intentions may be good, it's important not to call anyone "my love" unless they are! Please show respect for all women, including Mel.
It seems to me that you are gay or lesbian, those people from the Woke Culture that are on the verge of extinction. People who are uncomfortable with the expression "love" can only be people whose minds have been washed by shitty globalists.🤭@@JP-yl8yz