"How many ships did you guys build?" "One..." "W-what? Only one?! That'll never be eno-" "You don't understand. We built...ONE ship." *Ma ri's mouth drops open as one giant shadow darkens their entire fleet*
Ma-ri: "Thanks for the help, Humans. The size of your ship is impressive." Humans: "Nah, it's all good. It was your ship design we used after all." Ma-ri: "Our design? I thought you just used our design as a reference and build your own iteration from it?" Humans: "No, we have no time to design ours. We followed your design word per word. We only modified it a bit because it's so big, we thought it was a waste of space." Ma-ri: "But... It was just supposed to be just the size of our ships here..." Humans: "Huh... That's why it was so damn expensive to build? We could have built 16 ships dammit!! Comms! Send a word back home, track that stupid guy who used Google translate for the translations!"
_"America being America, they decided to build an even bigger laser."_ Yep, this checks out: The question you should ask isn't 'Why is it that big?' but 'Why didn't you make it bigger?'. Pretty much the same train of thought went for Battleships in WW2. By all accounts overkill, to the point that they effectively became escorts for the rest of the fleet, because every enemy vessel was scared enough of them to avoid them like the plague, pretty much leaving them without many actual combat engagements. What few engagements they did witness, they usually, well... *The few engagements the Iowa Class Battleships had went something like this:* On a faithful morning, in 1952, during the Korean war, a gun battery from a bunker on an island decided to break it big, and fire it's 155mm shell at the USS Wisconsin. The Wisconsin, of course, is an Iowa class battleship. ... _Big._ Sadly though, this shell hit the USS Wisconsin. Sad for whoever decided to fire that shell. Because they hit the deck of an Iowa class battleship filled with the scariest people on the planet: _Americans._ The damage to the Wisconsin was absolutely minimal, and the only real effect was a small hole in the deck. You might think 155mm isn't small... But remember, _these are Americans._ So in response to this gun battery getting off a lucky shot it wouldn't hit again in a million attempts, the Wisconsin decided to uh... ... An Iowa class Battleship has nine 16 inch Mark 7 naval guns. The shell weighs 2700 pounds, or 1200 kilograms. So imagine the weight of a sizeable car worth of high-explosive super-heavy naval shells heading your direction, times 9, and you'll get an idea of how the USS Wisconsin responded, because yes, it went 'how dare you', and fired broadside at the bunker. Note, the bunker was located on a hill, according to records. 'Was' and 'according to records', not because the bunker was _gone,_ but because the USS Wisconsin took the hill out alongside whatever poor sods thought it was a good idea to piss of a Battleship filled with red white and blue blooded Americans. Leave it to the Americans to try to sink a damn island, *_and actually get close._* o7 EDIT: By the way, one of it's escort ships then flashed 'Temper Temper' to them, as in 'calm down lol'. Sometimes, it's just about making a point. And there's no shame in being petty when you're crewing an Iowa Class Battleship. Bigger is better. And the only excuse to not make something bigger, is if you physically or economically can't. Because at the end of the day, we're still Monke. And Monke follow big Monke with big stick.
As a man, I know for a fact "Bigger IS better". As a nerd, I love the fact that our first contact with aliens is peaceful and filled with good intentions. As an American, the fact that the first thing we did when receiving transmissions on how to build an FTL capable starship, was to fill the thing up with as much boom stick as possible, tickles me in ways I can't mention.
Actually, you americans arent alone with that sentiment. As a german, i can approve that too. But not just as much boomstick as possible, but also the most devastating. Oh, now a thought crossed my mind. Shouldnt it be possible to build basically a railshotgun? So a railgun, that works like a shotgun? That would be fun against those bugs.
@@Lupus_Indomitus There are quite a few versions of that in Sci-Fi. Rail shotgun types like shardguns and alloycannons, there's something like that in Battletech, and another shotgun type railgun in one of the Armored Core games.
ET: We're sending you specs for our largest warship. It's almost a mile long. We hope you can handle it. Humans: 16 miles long. Got it. You don't mind if we add a few extras right? ET: uhm...
Humanity's first alien friends: "We're being eaten by bugs, save yourselves!" Humanity: "Fuck that. We're saving you. Smart of you to call the exterminators."
Humanity assemble! Our spacefriends are horrified and cowering on the table because they have a bug problem. Do we look like we'd run from a few bugs? Well yes but that's not the point... We gotta be strong. Get grandma! Ma'Ri see a spaceship arriving and one single astronaut gets off... Wielding a sandal and smacking the living crap out of the bugs Afterwards there's grandma's self-made marmalade for everyone 🥳
Had a mate once measure in centimetres and cut out the wood in milimetres an hour later. 1 tenth the size of the thing HE ALONE was building. Didn't realise until he had cut all the wood. It was a bookcase FFS. He was a computer science uni graduate.
Ma-ri: "Hopefully our stand here will delay the bugs enough so that the humans and maybe other species have a chance to develop before they're discovered." Humans: [Warps in] "YEEEEE-HAAAAWWW!" Ma-ri: "What the feck is that! It's huge!" Humans: "That's what she said!" [Launches nuke] "BOOYAH!" Later Ma-ri: "Didn't you think the massive design was too much? Why spend so many resources on what might've been a massive failure?" Humans: "What, like we were gonna let you have all the fun? Besides, y'all helped us so much, how could we not at least try? It was the least we could do." Ma-ri: "Truly, an alien mindset. Still, we are grateful." Humans: "Aw, don't mention it. Besides, you're gonna have us as neighbors and you'll probably get tired of our shenanigans pretty quick." It was said later that some Ma-ri joked that they might've been better off with the bugs. Humans heard about it and laughed. And then together they built a fleet of ships to seek out new life and new civilizations, to see if the bugs had found them, and to help and defend those who were under attack. Because F#$%^ BUGS
Ma-ri after knowing that the humans multiplied a corvette sized ship to a super dreadnought "Good thing we sent them the smallest and easiest ship to build. Imagine if we actually sent them blueprints for a battleship" XD
@@devilishruby1002 *the space sings 'Pokemon-Rose's Theme' from the sheer epicness of the said spacecraft creating a singularity of coolness and terror*
800/16 = 50 They had sent humanity the equivalent of a frigate and we created a light cruiser by our standards. By theirs we had essentially created a super battleship.
@@USS_Grey_Ghostno. That thing was to heavily armored and armed. It was the space equivalent of a super battleship. Fast, tons of armour, and enough DAKKA to probably be considerd a planetcracker.
"happy "little" accidents" .... Well, knowing the malicious nature of reality compared to a story, more likely the result of a mistake in that scenario is the Earth getting destroyed in the detonation from the ship exploding the first moment they turn on the engines!
You know it's a good one when you teared up a little. This story had it all, taking us down a peg for being human, then, raising us up to a crescendous "Feck yeah! The Calvary has arrived!" and finally to an almost kilometer long Big Stick of whoopass! If this was made into a movie, I can imagine a scene where a Mah Ri space control officer would say ; "Sir, the Humans have arrived!" Both Mah Ri and Bug commanders looked and both cried at the same time, one in shock and awe, the other in panic, "WTF is that?!"
And then with an even louder and bigger “WTF IS THAT!!!” As a shit ton of sliding panels open to reveal guns on top of guns on top of guns with a few more guns on top of that and a few nukes just to make sure no bug escapes alive or dead to the point that 99.99% of the outer hull of the ship is just every weapon we could think of as well as a few we would deem to be against the Geneva convention as a whole
Engineer " we need weapons on this thing" Gunny " not to worry we are letting the American E4s and Lance Corporal Underground come up ideas on those. I told them if they can do it fast enough they get treats and a nap." Or we put a Weber of missiles on it and an American of guns to match.
We seem to currently be working on lasers in the kW range. Which could already become strong enough to deal with small attack vehicles and missiles. Imagine how strong a laser would be when you take that, but times 500 billion. ^^;; It could probably burn through entire planets in at most minutes, maybe even seconds.
I like to imagine a few people on the team knowing what Tyranids are and some of them being more than glad to blast a bunch of space bugs away or nope-ing the hell out of that situation
So let me get this straight, the Ma-ri sent built plans of corvettes type ship to human, wanted human can use the technology to defense themselves, but due to translation error, human design their first ship into a galactic level state-of-the-art battleship?
We have, right here on Earth, a stone tablet listing the reigns of sumerian kings. Many of those reigns lasting for 10s of thousands of years... unless you correct for the fact the number Zero doesn't exist in Base 60 math, which was the system used by the people who carved the tablet, when converting to modern Base 10. Correct the error and those 10,000 year reigns suddenly become more reasonable 20 to 60 year reigns. ...We can't even get off our own planet with out translation errors leading to weird math. OF COURSE we're going to do it with aliens.
Well in all fairness, humanity would probably do that in a heartbeat, we have made big stuff for dumber reasons, if it was effective we would just make huge guns in space and make a ship around it, like the frigates in halo, that’s what I can see human ships being in the future, after all if there is extra space, there isn’t enough guns
@@madswipe4419 there have been aircraft built around the weapons system. The A-10 is well known. But not the first. I recall hearing bombers. The size of the bomb being factor in size of fuselage. On a space ship hull a half inch too thick vs 1/16 too thin?
"Cavalry! Forward, YO!... CAVALRY, CHARGE!!" *Trumpet fanfare, first pass* "WEAPONS FREE, FIRE AT WILL!" *BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT* -Is... Is that ship on fire? In space?- - -No Sir, that ship is fire-ing.- - -Gods above...- Edit: During World War 2, some ships were mistakenly thought to be on fire, rather than simply 'attempting build a sheet of steel between their ship and the enemy' from the shear volume of projectiles being sent downrange.
Yea like that other guy there said - exterminating bugs - it was no mistake, the translation department just had some one with entomophobia (fear of bugs) - and they really really could not deal with any possibility of defeat, if those crazy boy's at the military forces were going to behave in any way like they always do - aka send in the cavalry. It was just someone who really really didn't want it to fail.
"Allow us, Humanity, to introduce the universe to our contribution to society within the Milky Way!" "What contribution do you provide, humans?!" "BIGGER IS BETTER, BABY!!"
Was laughing thru the rest of the story after "do you want to know more", and those bugs were a very good reason for the human species because bug's 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Of COURSE if was a math error! We can't even reliably translated Base 60 to Base 10 without screw it up, and those are both man-made numbering systems!
@Alexandre MS Well, since they were like half our size and a quarter our weight we probably doubled the prints right away before even hardly looking at them to fit us. So that 8x became 16x quickly
Size always matters but remember 3 inches can cause a lot of Damage because a big enough expenditure from a Credit card can cause the end of all life as we know it.
"All hands, ready cannons! I want every railgun charged, every torpedo tube loaded, every turret hot. Helmsman, if we run out of ammo, we'll RAM those bugs if we have to!"
Theres a fanart of something that i have seen some years ago of some bastard bullying a girl with bunny years of some random anime, but behind of the bastard was the literal doom guy preparing his fists.
Man this makes me think of Stellaris lol. "Hey guys we weaponized our entire solar system" Ma-Ri "WHAT...?!" An entire quadrant of space goes dark as the Stellar Systemcraft approaches
Even firefighting can include that doctrine There are pressurised fire extinguishers that have a "gun" part with a safety, trigger and reload switch. Basically a barrel with a rubber cap on the end. You fill the tube with water, get ready, arm the safety and squeeze the trigger... 300atmospheric pressure of nitrogen then blast the water on whatever you aimed it 😅 Just in a quick burst, but still able to extinguish a car in a few shots
that's what she said.... note the 'cavalry' is slightly over 2x the length of a 'gerald ford' u.s. supercarrier but only slightly more displacement. makes sense with more internal hull space good story and i'd like to see it as a season on streaming thanks for the narration
if they screwed up the dimension by a factor of 16 then that means that ship was 4000 times more massive than planned. yea, no shit it had a lot of empty space for dakka.
Humans be like "Oh... should we leave it alone? Should we back off? Should we play it safe? NAAAAAH, you think "Let's make it BIGGER"! " no matter what.
*Humans accidentally give advanced civilization the idea of looking for intelligent life. Other civilization finds hostile bugs and is holding the line while teaching humans what they know in hopes they'll survive, they eventually send starship blueprints to humanity on their request* Humans after super sizing the ship and calling it _Cavalry_ : "Then the winged Hussars arrived!"
While probably already building a second ship, because no war ever was won just by one ship - the name Exterminator - because they are damned bugs after all.
- Even if you mess up, that's just how life works. You make mistakes, but you grow and over some time, those become happy little accidents. - Captain of the first interstellar Battlecruiser, "The Cavalry".
Service guarantees citizenship, would you like to know more? Starship Troopers aside, I thought for sure that the shenanigans would be that the bugs were the Ma-ri.
Those stats made the Calvary nearly 2.5 times longer and only 20% more massive than a Nimitz class carrier. Which normal takes 5-6 years to build in dry dock. Yet Calvary was built in space in 6 months! NICE!!!
Gotta remember in this story. The Calvary wasn't created by a single nation state. It was constructed with the totality of humanity's industrial might at that point.
Imagine the ship being built and every nation is responsible for building a part of it, happily building away with their own tools, parts and measurements... Close before having to add all together humanity realises that every nut and bolt is different and that parts don't fit because of that... And repair crews only being able to do repairs in their own sector or they would have to get a different set of tools... We do really need more norm or Listparts standardised around the globe... Like the EN ISO Parts or a construction hand in hand with every nation on earth might go seriously wrong
FIRE 🔥 THE WRATH FORGES OF MARS, LET THE HATE ANVILS OF MERCURY RING THROUGH THE STARS, LET THE SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF TERRA LOSE UPON THE ENEMY!!!! HEAVY METAL 🤘 🎸 IS ON THE WAY BROTHERS. HOLD . THE. LINE! WE ARE ON THE WAY BROTHERS!!!
Human captain: Well, that explains a few things. But had we known how small your ships actually were, we would have just gone and made it a whole lot bigger anyway.
No there is no temper temper vibes when you are fighting a war against the bugs you better call the exterminators And the exterminators would think there is no such thing as overkill you just have to eradicate them
@adphoenix600 Temper Temper wasn't about over kill. It was about a massive overwhelming response to a very slim risk. Which is pretty much what is happening there. Sooooo yeah. My statement stands.
@@regulardadgaming Honestly no it wasn’t because they were about to wipe that civilization that’s why they have every right to use all the resources that they have to wipe that entire fleet with just using one ship yes you can say that temper temper scratch my ship But the most of it was for that civilization to survive
@adphoenix600 and the Wisconsin had every right to fire back on the artillery position. The Temper Temper part comes where the calvary was clearly out matching anything the bugs could do and would have held the line regardless. The shear size of the ship and thickness of the armor made them untouchable. They did not need to expend their biggest guns to win the day. They did so to make a point. They did so to show just what they could do. That is exactly the vibes of the Wisconsin. The calvary needed to kill the bugs and the Wisconsin needed to destroy the artillery emplacement. Both of them were fully justified in utilizing whatever munitions they deemed fit to do the job. However, both captains knew they didn't need to empty their big guns to do the job but still ordered a full fire for effect as a show of force. It's 1:1 here. We are not in disagreement over the necessity of killing the bugs but given how the first two passes are described as being crushing with only a 1/10 thickness damage in small areas from a couple shots it is undeniable that the nuke was a shock and awe as well as a Frick it we have it and they gave us the excuse and scratched our paint. "Ensign see that rock over there. I don't want to."
If you do that, then why are you here at all and not over on reddit reading the actual stories in their original form? They are always linked in the description. Muting a narration done with a lot of effort is an insult to the narrator. If you like reading them more than listening to the narration, go where that is the preferred style of presentation. Asking for a change in video is one thing, insulting Agro and potentially others is an entirely different issue. So why?
This is one of my favorite stories so far… excellent story and narration. I listen to these while I workout almost daily. It’d be cool if we got a part two to this story.
Something you might find interesting: There are retroreflectors on the moon about the size of an open briefcase that are used daily (or so) to measure the distance from the Earth to the moon. This is how we can tell that it moves a few centimeters away each year, with that level of precision. We do this with a laser. At the range of the moon, it is 4 miles wide and we literally only get a handful of photons sent back at us. But it is enough. Enough to be by far the most accurate long distance measurement in human history (never be sorry for your puns) and one of the most accurate measurements of any kind ever. To put it into perspective; they are hitting a moving target less than a half inch across at a distance of some two miles or so. Allowing for a measurement so accurate it would be akin to measuring the distance across the continental US with an error margin of 100 microns. edit: typos (I need coffee) edit2: I *really* need coffee
That was glorious!! Glory to the Author! Glory to the disembodied voice! Glory to the Terran-Ma-ri Alliance!! (But in a sense, it was our fault the fucking bugs found them. They copied us, sending transmitions randomly into the void. We we're lucky we found them, but they're not as lucky as us.'
Imagine the faces of the ma'ri on those corvette sized ships, when they got the jump signature of the cavalry on their Sensors. They must have thought something along the lines of: what in everything thats holy is that thing, jumping in to our System?
With the translation error creating a ship 6 times bigger for everything, could the Mari also just live 100 years, instead of the 600 years first mentioned? And 4 arms and 4 legs also then being a translation error?
If the nuke worked like a bunker buster and exploded deep within the bug asteroid ship, the hyper heated material of the bug asteroid would become the shockwave itself if the nuke was of high enough yield. A tsar Bomb kind of yield or more would do the trick to convert a few thousands of tonnes of rock into high pressure vapor and deadly shrapnel.
I mean, aggressive inter-solar bugs? Nukes are the minimal proportional response, nuke launching mech the logical follow up, jump gear with portable fire support systems (also with nukes) the sensible scouting force and if you can get a few ships with RKM placed in strategic locations then why the tell not, as long as the math checks out so do the bugs.
A classic nod to Starship troopers, "Would you want to know more?" because...FUCK BUGS! LOL LOL LOL I have a flashback in my mind from Starship troopers: "Your Basic Arachnid Warrior isn't too smart, but you can blow off a limb (pulls out a combat rifle and blows a limb off of the arachnid) and it's still 86% combat effective.... Here's a tip, aim for the Nerve stem, and pout it down for good! Re-aims and shoots the bug in the core of it's carapace, dropping it on the spot). Would you like to know more? LOL
The "would you like to know more?" Gave me chills. The only good bug is a dead bug!
Just doing my part.
I'm doing my part.
I'm doing my part!
Im doing my part!
Im doing my part too.
Ma ri: sure has been awhile I wonder how many ships they managed to build?
Humanity: LAUNCH THE CHONK
"How many ships did you guys build?" "One..." "W-what? Only one?! That'll never be eno-" "You don't understand. We built...ONE ship." *Ma ri's mouth drops open as one giant shadow darkens their entire fleet*
Release big chungus
@@captain-of-the-america-1945 this google translation funny af!
@@DMG2705 biggest question ever is “who was it a big pain for? The ones who built and designed it or the enemy who sees it coming?”
Ma-ri:
"Thanks for the help, Humans. The size of your ship is impressive."
Humans:
"Nah, it's all good. It was your ship design we used after all."
Ma-ri:
"Our design? I thought you just used our design as a reference and build your own iteration from it?"
Humans:
"No, we have no time to design ours. We followed your design word per word. We only modified it a bit because it's so big, we thought it was a waste of space."
Ma-ri:
"But... It was just supposed to be just the size of our ships here..."
Humans:
"Huh... That's why it was so damn expensive to build? We could have built 16 ships dammit!! Comms! Send a word back home, track that stupid guy who used Google translate for the translations!"
_"America being America, they decided to build an even bigger laser."_
Yep, this checks out: The question you should ask isn't 'Why is it that big?' but 'Why didn't you make it bigger?'.
Pretty much the same train of thought went for Battleships in WW2.
By all accounts overkill, to the point that they effectively became escorts for the rest of the fleet, because every enemy vessel was scared enough of them to avoid them like the plague, pretty much leaving them without many actual combat engagements.
What few engagements they did witness, they usually, well...
*The few engagements the Iowa Class Battleships had went something like this:*
On a faithful morning, in 1952, during the Korean war, a gun battery from a bunker on an island decided to break it big, and fire it's 155mm shell at the USS Wisconsin.
The Wisconsin, of course, is an Iowa class battleship. ... _Big._
Sadly though, this shell hit the USS Wisconsin.
Sad for whoever decided to fire that shell.
Because they hit the deck of an Iowa class battleship filled with the scariest people on the planet: _Americans._
The damage to the Wisconsin was absolutely minimal, and the only real effect was a small hole in the deck.
You might think 155mm isn't small... But remember, _these are Americans._
So in response to this gun battery getting off a lucky shot it wouldn't hit again in a million attempts, the Wisconsin decided to uh...
...
An Iowa class Battleship has nine 16 inch Mark 7 naval guns.
The shell weighs 2700 pounds, or 1200 kilograms.
So imagine the weight of a sizeable car worth of high-explosive super-heavy naval shells heading your direction, times 9, and you'll get an idea of how the USS Wisconsin responded, because yes, it went 'how dare you', and fired broadside at the bunker.
Note, the bunker was located on a hill, according to records.
'Was' and 'according to records', not because the bunker was _gone,_ but because the USS Wisconsin took the hill out alongside whatever poor sods thought it was a good idea to piss of a Battleship filled with red white and blue blooded Americans.
Leave it to the Americans to try to sink a damn island, *_and actually get close._* o7
EDIT:
By the way, one of it's escort ships then flashed 'Temper Temper' to them, as in 'calm down lol'.
Sometimes, it's just about making a point.
And there's no shame in being petty when you're crewing an Iowa Class Battleship.
Bigger is better.
And the only excuse to not make something bigger, is if you physically or economically can't.
Because at the end of the day, we're still Monke.
And Monke follow big Monke with big stick.
Or smaller yet more efficient: think pen sized laser pointer that can burn a hole through shields and hull plating
lol temper, temper. something similiar happend in the vietnam war with the uss new jersey
It's a good day to be a God Dammed American.
Hoorah!
IIRC a different American ship actually _did_ sink an island.
the term your looking for is rape the bunker
I like that the only reason that nukes were brought was because “fuck bugs!”
The only good bug is a dead bug.
They were planning to reduce the bugs to atoms
@@jacobdraper5275 what the ma ri didn’t know is they also developed and brought a new weapon…a gun that then targets the atoms of the bugs
@@GenStallion Goblin slayer
@@loofus453 Starship Troopers
As a man, I know for a fact "Bigger IS better".
As a nerd, I love the fact that our first contact with aliens is peaceful and filled with good intentions.
As an American, the fact that the first thing we did when receiving transmissions on how to build an FTL capable starship, was to fill the thing up with as much boom stick as possible, tickles me in ways I can't mention.
As a fellow American, I approve this comment. 💯💯💯🧨🧨🧨
well it was a warship to help their allies....so
You hit the nail on the head and struck true.
So much DAKKA...
Actually, you americans arent alone with that sentiment. As a german, i can approve that too. But not just as much boomstick as possible, but also the most devastating. Oh, now a thought crossed my mind. Shouldnt it be possible to build basically a railshotgun? So a railgun, that works like a shotgun? That would be fun against those bugs.
@@Lupus_Indomitus There are quite a few versions of that in Sci-Fi. Rail shotgun types like shardguns and alloycannons, there's something like that in Battletech, and another shotgun type railgun in one of the Armored Core games.
Ma-ri: We fighting a war against bug would you like to know more?
Human: COME ON YOU APES, YOU WANNA LIVE FOREVER?
NEVER poke the Space Ape's friends. We don't like that.
COME ON YOU SONS OF BITCHES DO YOU WANNA LIVE FOREVER
Xenos: Here's plans for a sleek, fast ship.
Humans: MORE DAKKA! WAAAAAAAAGH!
ET: We're sending you specs for our largest warship. It's almost a mile long. We hope you can handle it.
Humans: 16 miles long. Got it. You don't mind if we add a few extras right?
ET: uhm...
"These living quarters are massive, practically a mansion per crew member, such opulence! We can fit so many god damn guns there!"
I mean, just a few.....here and there, maybe up there and over there but really just a few minor mods 😅
Humanity's first alien friends: "We're being eaten by bugs, save yourselves!"
Humanity: "Fuck that. We're saving you. Smart of you to call the exterminators."
Humanity assemble!
Our spacefriends are horrified and cowering on the table because they have a bug problem.
Do we look like we'd run from a few bugs? Well yes but that's not the point... We gotta be strong. Get grandma!
Ma'Ri see a spaceship arriving and one single astronaut gets off... Wielding a sandal and smacking the living crap out of the bugs
Afterwards there's grandma's self-made marmalade for everyone 🥳
@StarStream4U Every single warship showing up has an 'ORKIN' emblem on the side.
@@GuukanKitsune Humanity showing up like our collective girlfriend came running to us to deal with a spider.
@@kcnichols8968 Spider: WHy do I hear Doom Music?
Ma Ri: "Humans, why did you build your ship so big?"
Humans: "Huh? This is based on what you sent. Why are yours so small?"
Ahh conversion errors.
See the 'Telephone Game' for further details... 😉
Feet vs meters.... Mars rover go splat.
@@TheMonkey747 I believe the first batch of Abrams tanks also had a problem between the turret and body.
Had a mate once measure in centimetres and cut out the wood in milimetres an hour later.
1 tenth the size of the thing HE ALONE was building. Didn't realise until he had cut all the wood.
It was a bookcase FFS.
He was a computer science uni graduate.
@@julesmasseffectmusic ouch
If its not over kill its under prepared ( Bert Gummer from Tremors 2 )
st bert patron saint of overkill
There is no such thing as overkill. There is only "open fire" and "reloading".
Ma Ri: "Here are the designs for a Fregatte."
Humans: "Ah, designs for a Super Battleship!"
Nah patrol boat
@@WE_DONT_LIE Nah, a Jetski
@@ravenouself4181 nah a rc
No no no, it is The SSD
@@dinkoz1 nah nano boat
Moral of the story:
"Don't trust Google translate for the translations of your Alien language."
Yeah, use scholar
Ma-ri: "Hopefully our stand here will delay the bugs enough so that the humans and maybe other species have a chance to develop before they're discovered."
Humans: [Warps in] "YEEEEE-HAAAAWWW!"
Ma-ri: "What the feck is that! It's huge!"
Humans: "That's what she said!" [Launches nuke] "BOOYAH!"
Later
Ma-ri: "Didn't you think the massive design was too much? Why spend so many resources on what might've been a massive failure?"
Humans: "What, like we were gonna let you have all the fun? Besides, y'all helped us so much, how could we not at least try? It was the least we could do."
Ma-ri: "Truly, an alien mindset. Still, we are grateful."
Humans: "Aw, don't mention it. Besides, you're gonna have us as neighbors and you'll probably get tired of our shenanigans pretty quick."
It was said later that some Ma-ri joked that they might've been better off with the bugs. Humans heard about it and laughed. And then together they built a fleet of ships to seek out new life and new civilizations, to see if the bugs had found them, and to help and defend those who were under attack. Because F#$%^ BUGS
Ma-ri after knowing that the humans multiplied a corvette sized ship to a super dreadnought "Good thing we sent them the smallest and easiest ship to build. Imagine if we actually sent them blueprints for a battleship" XD
*Dyson sphere sized ship* hello there!
@@VRDejaVu ma-ri stares wide mouthed XD
@@devilishruby1002 *the space sings 'Pokemon-Rose's Theme' from the sheer epicness of the said spacecraft creating a singularity of coolness and terror*
The planet killer you asked for just arrived.
@@AlexandreMS71 oh really? nice, just park it over there with the rest. we'll need those to help our friends XD
So they gave us plans for a Cruiser and translation errors gave us a Superdreadnought .
Nah, we just made a human cruiser. Super dreadnaought? That’s next week.
800/16 = 50
They had sent humanity the equivalent of a frigate and we created a light cruiser by our standards. By theirs we had essentially created a super battleship.
No a Battlecruiser
@@USS_Grey_Ghostno. That thing was to heavily armored and armed. It was the space equivalent of a super battleship. Fast, tons of armour, and enough DAKKA to probably be considerd a planetcracker.
@@Lupus_Indomitus With the thick shell and the structural strength, it might be the planetcracker ammo by itself.
There are no mistakes here. Just happy "little" accidents.
There are just happy little bugparts floating around
"happy "little" accidents" .... Well, knowing the malicious nature of reality compared to a story, more likely the result of a mistake in that scenario is the Earth getting destroyed in the detonation from the ship exploding the first moment they turn on the engines!
Tibees? 🤣
send in the second battle ship U.S.S BOB ROSS
Which are mistakes
You know it's a good one when you teared up a little.
This story had it all, taking us down a peg for being human, then, raising us up to a crescendous "Feck yeah! The Calvary has arrived!" and finally to an almost kilometer long Big Stick of whoopass!
If this was made into a movie, I can imagine a scene where a Mah Ri space control officer would say ;
"Sir, the Humans have arrived!"
Both Mah Ri and Bug commanders looked and both cried at the same time, one in shock and awe, the other in panic, "WTF is that?!"
And then with an even louder and bigger “WTF IS THAT!!!” As a shit ton of sliding panels open to reveal guns on top of guns on top of guns with a few more guns on top of that and a few nukes just to make sure no bug escapes alive or dead to the point that 99.99% of the outer hull of the ship is just every weapon we could think of as well as a few we would deem to be against the Geneva convention as a whole
@@Allantitan
Had to lol, when that line (paraphrased) "... and nukes... because... bugs." was read 🤣
@@Allantitan Well, Geneva was way back on earth and the bugs weren't signatories.
Engineer " we need weapons on this thing"
Gunny " not to worry we are letting the American E4s and Lance Corporal Underground come up ideas on those. I told them if they can do it fast enough they get treats and a nap."
Or we put a Weber of missiles on it and an American of guns to match.
@@mikehenthorn1778 I can't help but think that the answer to How many guns are in an American? Would simply answered by Yes. Or all the guns.
Sir they seem to have plasma based weapons we are just outclassed!
Fek that we got Big Ass Comm Lasers.
Load the social media munitions!
Imagine getting melted by a laser that has modulated in videos of people drinking their own piss and tik tok dances. What a way to go...
bro got melted by rick roll video
then exploded by Twitter posts
The worst way to go
@@nathansmith9104 indeed.
We seem to currently be working on lasers in the kW range. Which could already become strong enough to deal with small attack vehicles and missiles. Imagine how strong a laser would be when you take that, but times 500 billion. ^^;; It could probably burn through entire planets in at most minutes, maybe even seconds.
This was an excellent and motivating story. Much better than the dystopian mainstream sci-fi today
I like to imagine a few people on the team knowing what Tyranids are and some of them being more than glad to blast a bunch of space bugs away or nope-ing the hell out of that situation
Would’ve been totally hilarious if the Ma-ri were also a lot smaller in general, like mouse sized. With the bugs being, you know, bug sized...
So let me get this straight, the Ma-ri sent built plans of corvettes type ship to human, wanted human can use the technology to defense themselves, but due to translation error, human design their first ship into a galactic level state-of-the-art battleship?
Yep, Go big or go home.
We have, right here on Earth, a stone tablet listing the reigns of sumerian kings. Many of those reigns lasting for 10s of thousands of years... unless you correct for the fact the number Zero doesn't exist in Base 60 math, which was the system used by the people who carved the tablet, when converting to modern Base 10. Correct the error and those 10,000 year reigns suddenly become more reasonable 20 to 60 year reigns.
...We can't even get off our own planet with out translation errors leading to weird math. OF COURSE we're going to do it with aliens.
Well in all fairness, humanity would probably do that in a heartbeat, we have made big stuff for dumber reasons, if it was effective we would just make huge guns in space and make a ship around it, like the frigates in halo, that’s what I can see human ships being in the future, after all if there is extra space, there isn’t enough guns
@@madswipe4419 there have been aircraft built around the weapons system. The A-10 is well known. But not the first. I recall hearing bombers. The size of the bomb being factor in size of fuselage. On a space ship hull a half inch too thick vs 1/16 too thin?
@@madswipe4419or what the a10 is, just at a interstellar battleship level of size.
Hey, nukes are completely viable when dealing with advanced infestations. There's no limit on how much Dakka you can use on bugs.
Bugs received a video from Earth it was called Starship Troopers and Doctor Who.
For some reason they're mortally afraid of police telephone boxes....
ah yes, showing up to a gunfight with a battlehsip cannon, a common mistake
If they sent us plans for a 20 guage shotgun we'd show up with 155 howitzers loaded with canister.
@@robertstoneking7916 what do you mean by that don’t you mean Howitzer 777
@@adphoenix600 155 millimeters the M777 is a specific model.
@@robertstoneking7916 oh ok
@@robertstoneking7916 They sent us a 20 gauge and we showed up with *1 gauge*
Ma-Ri: Corvette design
Humans: Ork Spacehulk
"Cavalry! Forward, YO!... CAVALRY, CHARGE!!" *Trumpet fanfare, first pass* "WEAPONS FREE, FIRE AT WILL!" *BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT*
-Is... Is that ship on fire? In space?-
- -No Sir, that ship is fire-ing.- -
-Gods above...-
Edit: During World War 2, some ships were mistakenly thought to be on fire, rather than simply 'attempting build a sheet of steel between their ship and the enemy' from the shear volume of projectiles being sent downrange.
well... if that error didn't happen the ship would still be at least that big.
"Because HELL we buildin' toy ships."
''Especially when it comes to EXTERMINATING BUGS''
Yea like that other guy there said - exterminating bugs - it was no mistake, the translation department just had some one with entomophobia (fear of bugs) - and they really really could not deal with any possibility of defeat, if those crazy boy's at the military forces were going to behave in any way like they always do - aka send in the cavalry. It was just someone who really really didn't want it to fail.
"would you like to know more?"
And
"fuck bugs!"
Gave me Starship Troopers vibe.
"Allow us, Humanity, to introduce the universe to our contribution to society within the Milky Way!"
"What contribution do you provide, humans?!"
"BIGGER IS BETTER, BABY!!"
"You wasted so many resources!"
"Those fucks scratched my paintjob"
Was laughing thru the rest of the story after "do you want to know more", and those bugs were a very good reason for the human species because bug's 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Cause you know every human was like “Faulk that lets destroy them BEFORE they even think of coming this way”
Love the "Starship Troopers" tag line...lol
Wait! So, the Mari Would take 1 Year with a corvette, but the humans made It in 4 months with a dreadnougth... We fucking make space bismark!
*Loud fucking war horn that can be hear from fucking space*
Ma ri: "Oh fuck Oh shit"
Humans: "THE CAVALRY IS HERE!"
Of COURSE if was a math error! We can't even reliably translated Base 60 to Base 10 without screw it up, and those are both man-made numbering systems!
he said binary to hexadecimal (base 2 to base 16) and I think the error would be 8 times, so the ship original size would be 100 meters.
@Alexandre MS
Well, since they were like half our size and a quarter our weight we probably doubled the prints right away before even hardly looking at them to fit us.
So that 8x became 16x quickly
Size always matters but remember 3 inches can cause a lot of Damage because a big enough expenditure from a Credit card can cause the end of all life as we know it.
As it was foretold, so shall it be.
The only good bug, is a dead bug.
There is no such thing as "overkill".
"The only good bug is a dead bug." - random civilian Starship Troopers.
"All hands, ready cannons! I want every railgun charged, every torpedo tube loaded, every turret hot. Helmsman, if we run out of ammo, we'll RAM those bugs if we have to!"
Theres a fanart of something that i have seen some years ago of some bastard bullying a girl with bunny years of some random anime, but behind of the bastard was the literal doom guy preparing his fists.
The girl was Velvet Scarletina from RWBY.There was a lot of similar arts of that scene.
You know it's a good one when you get a little choked up
If reality mirrors these stories at all, there is no question as to why the aliens are leaving us alone.
Man this makes me think of Stellaris lol. "Hey guys we weaponized our entire solar system" Ma-Ri "WHAT...?!" An entire quadrant of space goes dark as the Stellar Systemcraft approaches
Our own planets are perfectly good spacecraft and our sun is the perfect engine. We just need to figure out the "controlled movement" part.
There is no such thing as too much firepower, just aim, and fire!😀😀😀😀😀
And reload...
There’s only such a thing as can we fit more firepower into or on this?
Even firefighting can include that doctrine
There are pressurised fire extinguishers that have a "gun" part with a safety, trigger and reload switch.
Basically a barrel with a rubber cap on the end. You fill the tube with water, get ready, arm the safety and squeeze the trigger...
300atmospheric pressure of nitrogen then blast the water on whatever you aimed it 😅
Just in a quick burst, but still able to extinguish a car in a few shots
Gets weapon design from an alien civilization "we can make it bigger"
I really want to see a follow up story to this. Heck I would read the novel the story line was so good!
Check out John Ringo's Troy Rising series, "Live Free or Die", "Citadel" and "Hot Gate".
@@W0X42A yeah that's a good series by ringo. highly recommend and it uses a big laser too
The thùmbnail made me think it'd be funny if Humanity showed up to a battle in the equivalent of TOGs.
I am so happy people remember that little egrneering mistake.
TOG? As in THE TOG, a British tank?
Not TOG-II, but actually a P-1000 Ratte into a battle.
@@AlexSDU yes
that's what she said....
note the 'cavalry' is slightly over 2x the length of a 'gerald ford' u.s. supercarrier but only slightly more displacement. makes sense with more internal hull space
good story and i'd like to see it as a season on streaming
thanks for the narration
No wonder no one questioned it lmao
Humans back on earth: *now do it THIRTY TWO times yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees*
There are no mistakes, only happy little accidents
if they screwed up the dimension by a factor of 16 then that means that ship was 4000 times more massive than planned.
yea, no shit it had a lot of empty space for dakka.
Humans be like "Oh... should we leave it alone? Should we back off? Should we play it safe? NAAAAAH, you think "Let's make it BIGGER"! " no matter what.
*Humans accidentally give advanced civilization the idea of looking for intelligent life. Other civilization finds hostile bugs and is holding the line while teaching humans what they know in hopes they'll survive, they eventually send starship blueprints to humanity on their request*
Humans after super sizing the ship and calling it _Cavalry_ : "Then the winged Hussars arrived!"
While probably already building a second ship, because no war ever was won just by one ship - the name Exterminator - because they are damned bugs after all.
"Do you want to know more?" LOL!
When I first read 'Bugs' and 'meteors' I was immediately reminded of 'The tower and the hive' books by Anne McCaffrey !
The Cavarly has arrived :)
Love it
All that for a rooster joke. Feels a bit like the nate the snake story.
I thought they can use communication lasers as a weapon system, but a big human ship works too
- Even if you mess up, that's just how life works. You make mistakes, but you grow and over some time, those become happy little accidents. - Captain of the first interstellar Battlecruiser, "The Cavalry".
is there a playlist for these Humans are Space Orcs stories?
not only do you do a wonderful job reading them, but they are entertaining themselves
He has another channel link called ANS random stuff I believe. There you can find whole months of content and extra long chapters of stories
Service guarantees citizenship, would you like to know more? Starship Troopers aside, I thought for sure that the shenanigans would be that the bugs were the Ma-ri.
The only good bug is a dead bug.
Loved the starship troopers homage
Those stats made the Calvary nearly 2.5 times longer and only 20% more massive than a Nimitz class carrier. Which normal takes 5-6 years to build in dry dock. Yet Calvary was built in space in 6 months! NICE!!!
Built in space.
Like the Enterprise from Star Trek.
6 months?
That long of time?
All of Earth's resources were put into the program.
Heck, 3 months, tops.
@@jaynecobb6711 We did have to build the shipyard from scratch while building the ship. The next one will be faster and use resources from the belt.
Gotta remember in this story. The Calvary wasn't created by a single nation state. It was constructed with the totality of humanity's industrial might at that point.
Imagine the ship being built and every nation is responsible for building a part of it, happily building away with their own tools, parts and measurements...
Close before having to add all together humanity realises that every nut and bolt is different and that parts don't fit because of that... And repair crews only being able to do repairs in their own sector or they would have to get a different set of tools...
We do really need more norm or Listparts standardised around the globe... Like the EN ISO Parts or a construction hand in hand with every nation on earth might go seriously wrong
🎶I wanna be in the cavalry if they send me off to war 🎶
FIRE 🔥 THE WRATH FORGES OF MARS, LET THE HATE ANVILS OF MERCURY RING THROUGH THE STARS, LET THE SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF TERRA LOSE UPON THE ENEMY!!!! HEAVY METAL 🤘 🎸 IS ON THE WAY BROTHERS. HOLD . THE. LINE! WE ARE ON THE WAY BROTHERS!!!
I love how the background music cuts out when it's revealed the plasma only corroded 1/2in of the 20in thick hull! 😂
The only issue I have with this story is that ELR-ELI isn't a backcronym like it probably would be in reality.
Human captain: Well, that explains a few things. But had we known how small your ships actually were, we would have just gone and made it a whole lot bigger anyway.
They sent us blueprints for a US Coast Guard Cutter and we spit out an Iowa Class Battleship
"I'm doing my part!"
"Temper Temper" vibes
The Cap must be a descendant of the USS Wisconsin 🤣
Quackbang out!
No there is no temper temper vibes when you are fighting a war against the bugs you better call the exterminators And the exterminators would think there is no such thing as overkill you just have to eradicate them
@adphoenix600 Temper Temper wasn't about over kill. It was about a massive overwhelming response to a very slim risk. Which is pretty much what is happening there. Sooooo yeah. My statement stands.
@@regulardadgaming Honestly no it wasn’t because they were about to wipe that civilization that’s why they have every right to use all the resources that they have to wipe that entire fleet with just using one ship yes you can say that temper temper scratch my ship But the most of it was for that civilization to survive
@adphoenix600 and the Wisconsin had every right to fire back on the artillery position. The Temper Temper part comes where the calvary was clearly out matching anything the bugs could do and would have held the line regardless. The shear size of the ship and thickness of the armor made them untouchable. They did not need to expend their biggest guns to win the day. They did so to make a point. They did so to show just what they could do. That is exactly the vibes of the Wisconsin.
The calvary needed to kill the bugs and the Wisconsin needed to destroy the artillery emplacement. Both of them were fully justified in utilizing whatever munitions they deemed fit to do the job. However, both captains knew they didn't need to empty their big guns to do the job but still ordered a full fire for effect as a show of force. It's 1:1 here. We are not in disagreement over the necessity of killing the bugs but given how the first two passes are described as being crushing with only a 1/10 thickness damage in small areas from a couple shots it is undeniable that the nuke was a shock and awe as well as a Frick it we have it and they gave us the excuse and scratched our paint. "Ensign see that rock over there. I don't want to."
Greetings Mentlegent!
For the Rhyhtm that is Algo
Speak softly, and bring STARSHIPS 16X BIGGER THAN THEY NEED TO BE
Would you like to know more?
Make the picture of the aquarium smaller and the window for the text larger for those of us who read it with the sound muted.
If you do that, then why are you here at all and not over on reddit reading the actual stories in their original form? They are always linked in the description. Muting a narration done with a lot of effort is an insult to the narrator. If you like reading them more than listening to the narration, go where that is the preferred style of presentation. Asking for a change in video is one thing, insulting Agro and potentially others is an entirely different issue. So why?
This is one of my favorite stories so far… excellent story and narration. I listen to these while I workout almost daily. It’d be cool if we got a part two to this story.
Something you might find interesting: There are retroreflectors on the moon about the size of an open briefcase that are used daily (or so) to measure the distance from the Earth to the moon. This is how we can tell that it moves a few centimeters away each year, with that level of precision. We do this with a laser. At the range of the moon, it is 4 miles wide and we literally only get a handful of photons sent back at us. But it is enough. Enough to be by far the most accurate long distance measurement in human history (never be sorry for your puns) and one of the most accurate measurements of any kind ever.
To put it into perspective; they are hitting a moving target less than a half inch across at a distance of some two miles or so. Allowing for a measurement so accurate it would be akin to measuring the distance across the continental US with an error margin of 100 microns.
edit: typos (I need coffee)
edit2: I *really* need coffee
That was glorious!!
Glory to the Author!
Glory to the disembodied voice!
Glory to the Terran-Ma-ri Alliance!!
(But in a sense, it was our fault the fucking bugs found them. They copied us, sending transmitions randomly into the void. We we're lucky we found them, but they're not as lucky as us.'
God I could listen to him read a phone book. Love it.
The music really elevated this narration. Well done!
This one had me on the edge of my seat! I wasn't disappointed! 💛👾
The thumbnail ship reminds me of the time technologically superior aliens lost to an 80 year old work of art...
Imagine the faces of the ma'ri on those corvette sized ships, when they got the jump signature of the cavalry on their Sensors. They must have thought something along the lines of: what in everything thats holy is that thing, jumping in to our System?
Commander of The Cavalry: XO, CRANK THAT S***! *Sabaton's Winged Hussars blasts over the intercom as The Cavalry tears through the bug's ranks*
Cavalry's captain: "Justice... Has come."
With the translation error creating a ship 6 times bigger for everything, could the Mari also just live 100 years, instead of the 600 years first mentioned? And 4 arms and 4 legs also then being a translation error?
16 times
Bless the Squerril
Bless the Author
I'm doing my part!
The only good bug is a dead bug.
They knew well to contact the apes in case of bug problem
To fight the bugs we must understand the bugs.
yeah. That was a really REALLY good one.
I dunno. Nuke shockwaves in space? Could use a bit of proofreading.
If the nuke worked like a bunker buster and exploded deep within the bug asteroid ship, the hyper heated material of the bug asteroid would become the shockwave itself if the nuke was of high enough yield.
A tsar Bomb kind of yield or more would do the trick to convert a few thousands of tonnes of rock into high pressure vapor and deadly shrapnel.
Love It; absolutely hilarious. I think it would be even funnier if it turned out that the Ma-ri were insectoid too.
Truth be told, the description of the Ma-ri had a 'spider-ish' feel to it.
@@ironwolfF1 Technically spiders are not insect. So, lucky to the Ma-Ri, I guess.
If you don't know the joke..."Made in America! Size, "Small."
Come on you apes!~
Do you want live forever!~
Everyone fights!~
And no one quits!~
Would you like to know more?!~
Humans go Waarg!!!!
I mean, aggressive inter-solar bugs? Nukes are the minimal proportional response, nuke launching mech the logical follow up, jump gear with portable fire support systems (also with nukes) the sensible scouting force and if you can get a few ships with RKM placed in strategic locations then why the tell not, as long as the math checks out so do the bugs.
A classic nod to Starship troopers, "Would you want to know more?" because...FUCK BUGS! LOL LOL LOL I have a flashback in my mind from Starship troopers: "Your Basic Arachnid Warrior isn't too smart, but you can blow off a limb (pulls out a combat rifle and blows a limb off of the arachnid) and it's still 86% combat effective.... Here's a tip, aim for the Nerve stem, and pout it down for good! Re-aims and shoots the bug in the core of it's carapace, dropping it on the spot). Would you like to know more? LOL
Oh my God this made me cry from joy
I'm about to attend my mother's funeral visitation, and this made me smile.
Guess the bugs outgrew Klendathu. "Would you like to know more?"
I’ve heard this multiple times and it still make me smile