What is the DUMBEST backstory you've ever heard? #3
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- Опубліковано 24 сер 2024
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D&D players, what way did you use a "useless" spell in a good way? #2
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I created a Tabaxi for a one shot, who was adopted as a baby at a monastary. The monks thought it was a normal kitten, so they initially treated it like a pet and named it Mittens. The name stuck, and as Mittens grew he was was raised in the monastary and trained as a monk. He never understood why strangers scoffed at his name.
that's actually cute xD
now...i need to hear a bard's ballad about Mitten the great !
@@raccoon3164 Agreed
I actually non-ironically find this backstory endearing
@@raccoon3164 Mittens the mighty
That is kinda dumb, but it is also funny as hell
some people really underestimate how good their characters are
I think this technically counts as a dumb backstory but it's brilliant and I will have no one dissing it! I rolled a 3 in INT (4 with human +1) and when another player pointed out it was animal level intelligence I went with that. My character was a wizard's pet cat that got turned human entirely by accident. The wizard's grand daughter Wiley, another player character, also the one who named me and yes I kept the kitten name of Sötnos (Sweet nose) has been charged with being my guardian and teaching me how to human. It is not an easy task. The first herculean task was convincing me that clothes were more than just an annoying nuisance. Yeah it sounds dumb but it is actually very interesting to play out the mental development of a character that is pondering all these human concepts for the first as as well as learning many words one by one. I don't play her dumb as such, but rather "empty of knowledge". An NPC tiefling took a liking to me and gave me an honorary virtue name of "Uncomplicated". I have artwork but I don't think I can show it in a youtube comment.
Actually really good, as long as it doesnt block the game but adds to it its really brillant
@@fawode I have so much fun with that character. Quote:
Wiley: "Let's see how the boys are doing..."
Sötnos: "What is the boys?"
Wiley: "Oh.. umm... So you know how... some cats can have kittens? Well Nom can't have kittens because he is a boy. No wait, he can still be a dad... So, Nom can have kittens but not on his own. Do you understand?"
Sötnos: "Nom can have kittens."
Wiley: "Oh no..."
This is amazing! Plz give more fluff stories
@@iron5050
First day as a human, Wiley has recently found me being tended to by people who found me wandering about naked and having stolen food.
Sötnos: What is name?
Wiley: It is.. a word.. that people call you... what they say to you about.. a word about who you are. Like.. I am Wiley.
Sötnos: I am naked.
Wiley: NO! You WERE naked. Now you are clothed.
Sötnos: I am THIEF!
Wiley: SCHHH!! Don't say that out loud!
Sötnos: I am... confused?
Wiley: ... that one kind of... No! You are Sötnos.
@@Catarinasunnergren I LOVE THIS. PLEASE MORE.
I did an orc diplomat as a character, but from a tribe that didn't really understand diplomacy so all his negotiations were intimidation checks. He was the most diplomatic of his tribe, he killed 8 warriors in spirited debate (ritual combat) to prove it.
One of my current characters (and easily one of my favorite) has a pretty dumb background. My noble born eladrin character became a warlock after receiving a proposal of marriage so downright unseemly, that she ripped a random rapier off the wall to chase off the dullard. Turns out the sword was a hexblade of her grandfathers soul, infamous industrialist, adventurer, and ruthless tactician. Now it spends most of it's time whispering to her about how much fun bloodlust is. The swords name? Grandpa Dearest.
The half-gnome Minotaur, also known as a Minitaur with a silliness streak and innate technical knowledge.
This is for real?
@@chescatfalgui3217 it is in my head
Are they weak to tar tar sauce?
6:40 Yep
Dumbest backstory was one that was emailed to me by a player. "My character is a rich noble and is therefore better than everyone else and should start at 5th level with extra feats, skills, and 2 free magic items."
Doesn't realize being rich has little to do with combat/magic skills. 😆
Monkey's paw: from the start of the campaign the noble is continually assaulted by rival nobles who want to remove his competition and powerful warlocks try to steal his magic items. Also, they offer large bounties to the rest of the party if they can lure the noble into a trap.
Fair enough. A life of only luxury has left quite a bit to desire on the physical side. You have the statblock of a noble and the two magical items that you were given refuse to attune to you.
one of my first characters was a half-elf bard by the name of tempo piper, who was a popular musician in his home town where he went by the name alto strummer. he would have weekly performances, but one night after one of his performances, he drunkenly committed several acts of adultery in the same night. the next morning he realised what he had done, and in his infinite wisdom decided to run away instead of taking responsibility, changing his name to tempo and becoming a wandering musician, leaving his home town wondering where he had gone, and why three children born 9 months later bore a striking resemblance to him
One of my favourites was my sorcerer.
He went to a wizard's college on a scholarship because his uncle was a member of the faculty. So one night, he pinched his uncle's key to the forbidden section of the library, and while perusing the books, his phoenix sorcer powers manifested and burnt down the library.
Uncle got blamed and fired, so Rainbow Dave whole goal was to replace the books he burnt down while muttering about wizard schools should've implemented fireproof documents.
An added extra effect was he was being pursued by debt collectors as his scholarship was revoked, so he owed a few years of wizards college back tuition.
That last part could have come from a terror rpg
My dumbest backstory was my character Tota. Full name Tota Lee Notanotter. He was an otter who was looking for food when he rolled a nat 20 on a knowledge check and learned there was food in a nearby human settlement. He looked for a way to get in and got a natural 20 on an investigation check, finding a tuxedo that fit him. He rolled 20 on stealth, bluff, disguise, and persuasion, at which point the gods gave up and he is now treated by the universe as a human.
I had to read the whole thing to get it. I frickin love the name.
Finna do a one-shot with my friends solely for the purpose of laughing uncontrollably with some friends so I can share that story with you guys
Don’t know if this counts but I had a friend who played a bard whose on a never ending quest to pay child support.
I created a Ranger one time who wanted to find a squirrel. the catch? he had no idea what a squirrel was, and was convinced they were 10000 lb monsters with at least 7 tentacles.
Golly. Probably thought a scylla was it. Just with wolf heads too. Plus squirrel and scylla sound a touch similar. I can imagine it.
@Avseraph I think I game he was convinced a lizard, a sea monster, and a dolphin(?) Were all different species of squirrels. So yea that's totally possible
@@jesseyancy1160 I can imagine him finding a scylla and trying to woo it. I did that once in a campaign. I think I was playing a gnome, we ran into a scylla underground and had to get through it's cavern territory to continue to the surface world. I think we were former slaves who managed to escape a drow city. Well, my gnome try to seduce the scylla to get past without issue, ALMOST succeeded. Actually, I think my gnome did succeed, until he said something stupid that made the scylla realize it was a trick. My gnome was nearly killed in a couple turns since the scylla was focused on him only.
@Avseraph dang that's such a good move. Too bad it didn't work but dang what a good story.
ThePuffinForrest's character "Abseurd"
A lot of shenanigans so that he could multi-class into everything.
Not sure which edition it was
This NEEDS to be elaborated on. Did you really do a campaign like this? Did he successfully multi class everything?
@@TextualDeviant his story vid
ua-cam.com/video/4ZCIh_3b5K8/v-deo.html
and the in-session recording,
ua-cam.com/play/PLz3eRfQfVDYM-QrDH7vc94t-aCX2Yk29V.html
@@TextualDeviant
I never said I had anything to do with it.
I'm just some random fan of his.
Roguesborough was found outside of a small village, abandoned by his mother. She was later falsely accused and found guilty of murdering her baby and was sparred the gallows by sending her to a penal colony, never to see her son again. He was taken in by the local wagon maker, Ben Cartwright and his sons, and quickly learned their craft. As he grew up, they and the village folk always admired how fine looking a boy he had become, but as he grew, he was always drawn back to the nearby grove where he was born. One day, as he was looking at his reflection in a pool nearby the grove where he was born, he noticed that he was no longer the fine-looking boy that everyone knew and loved. He could not go back and face his adopted family and friends like that! So, he left them forever, never to return, but he would like to if he ever could. He was found in the woods by a wise old Gnome, who taught him the sprig and ways of the wood. Upon his deathbed, the wise old Gnome told his charge "You're a Druid now Roguesborough, and don't ever forget it!" Then he died, leaving him to seek adventure and spread the sprig and ways of the wood. The Beginning. Less than 4 months later, he was a 16-year-old, maxed level 20 Demigod, with every magic item you could imagine, lol.
Backstory of a Mutants and Masterminds character of mine: Ahab Brody was one of the finest rookies in the Marines, and was selected along with a few other talented rookies to be part of something called Project Leviathan. Unfortunately for all personel involved, Ahab was smarter than realized, and after coaxing the other experimented rookies after getting experimented on himself, he led a laboratory breakout and slaughtered all scientists and soldiers present. Now he and his fellow rookies operate on the beached tankard they were stowed upon as a small team of supersoldier heroes, and Ahab adopted the moniker of Jaws as his hero name.
The backstory isn't really dumb, moreso the character.
I'd just gotten a custom lineage variant, that let you mix and match different races, so I wondered, what would a half Tabaxi (that is, anthropomorphic cat person) look like.
I decided she looked like an anime cat girl. And this was born, Bloom, or for her full name, Blooming Flower in the Dark. Her mother was a Tabaxi that got a bit to curious about a drow man (in this campaign, the drow lived half on the surface, half in the caves, free of Loth), and a few months later, had a kid.
The novelty of raising a crying, whiney baby that wasn't quite like herself quickly wore off on her mother, so she was abandoned, left to grow up on her own, and into a strong, warrior feline.
She got picked up by the run-around group of child hobo's, where another player's character grew up, and where the third PC ended up when he got older.
Let me explain how she looks. To find her appearance, I Google searched "Anime cat girls with white hair"
She is now a druid of the circle of dreams, with a bit to kind of a heart, who gets into trouble for giving away the party's gold to homeless people when they need it to buy a cart, and basically attracts any nearby cats like she wearing Catnip Perfume.
She basically acts like an abnormally nice six year old, even though she's twenty two
Mine was Cael, my half elf hexblade. When he was in his early 20s, he was making some breakfast in his humble home. When he went to use a butter knife, he unknowingly picked up a butter knife that was quite different from the others. He spread the butter on the toast thus using the blade which resulted in him signing apart of his soul. Now he goes out adventuring accompanied by a floating butter knife that only he can hear and see making him look crazy.
My dumbest character was a middle aged actor who was dressed up as a gnome for a cereal advert when he got pulled through a portal into the campaign world. He landed on his head, lost his memory and became convinced he was a very tall gnome. He became a ranger and survived quite a while, even as a joke character
I have one from a campaign that never got started, but the memories are still fresh in my mind...
Enter Yuurei Europa (You-Ray), a level 5 Gunslinger Half-Phantom that went into combat with a 20mm anti-tank rifle (The Campaign was going to take place in the mid-late 1950's).
Yuurei was a veteran of World War 2, having died to unknown circumstances. Some time after, she was revived by a Necromancer, but due to the ritual being botched, she was able to keep her personality and freedom. The thing is... she lost a few screws after dying, and has the inability to take anything seriously, and would rather gorge herself in the Italian greatness that is Pizza (and/or Breadsticks). Without money, however, she began her work as an undead Mercenary.
Basically she has room temperature IQ, but enough combat prowess to clear a building John Wick style, only with a gun bigger than she was. Still sad that campaign never started.
Missed the perfect punchline. “I won’t do the John Cena meme. You can’t see me do it”
One of my favorite demented characters I only got to field for like 2 sessions. Badger, the Gnomish Sorcerer. Badger insisted he was a wizard, being taught magic by the great lord Deiffenbach, a powerful mage cursed into the shape of a badger, who was actually his familiar. The first session, I was introduced to the paladin, who wasn't terribly bright, and as soon as I explained that the badger was my wizard mentor, he tried to address him. "Badger!" "Yes?" "Not you, the badger." "But I'm Badger!" which led to a round of "Badger the gnome, no don't badger the gnome!"
That's awesome.
I once played a skeleton rogue (reflavored Human) who had his flesh stolen and is now on a quest to find it asking anyone and everyone in his Cockny Accent "Hello there, have you seen my flesh?"
one dumb backstory i could think of is someone selld all there organs for no reason then a patron revives them cause they want to
Yo that arapaima backstory is actually golden
You can't make me do it. Breaks wall. Are you sure about that?
the sheer rage at the idea of a half-gnome half-minotaur.
I once had a cleric of the swolly bible. Enough said
I actually liked this premise, but it's technically a "Dumb" backstory. Player brought in a level 1 Human Barbarian, and the backstory was: I was a level 20 wizard that became so enlightened and self aware that he recognized that his power had become a world-level threat, so he locked himself away and vowed to never use magic. Every day he would punch himself in the face until he forgot his life before (intelligence reduced to 7), still hated magic, and the face-punching had made him strong enough to break down the door to the room that held him.
It will be really funny if he goes for Wild Magic Barbarian as his archetype
Never got to make the character for an RPG but when I found out that Centaurs were listed as playable characters in Pathfinder. Because of their traits, however, they were weren’t allowed by the DM so I dejectedly looked for something else after lamenting that the backstory I had already assembled a skeleton of… which the DM did inquire about. I explained that my character would be a Bard and with the goal of becoming a renowned master of his favorite performance type: Dance! But no one wanted to train him because he clearly danced like he had two left feet. It took the DM too long to realize the joke.
I feckin love this.
Barbarian in the campaign I'm currently running has a passion. That passion is throwing little people. Dwarfs, Halflings, Gnomes, Goblins, Children. He doesn't differantiate.
He used to it do it professionally too, but eventually his hometown banned the sport of "dwarf-throwing".
The Barbarian refused to accept that and kept going in a personal capacity until he was eventually exiled and forced to take to the road to pursue his passion.
Needless ro say I love him. Especially in combination with the dwarven Cleric of the party.
I created a homebrew Slime Path of the Beast barbarian for a campaign I initially thought wouldn't be so serious. Their name is Pilop (Think the noise Plop when you drop stuff in water), and before he joined the party, he was a simple slime with a simple mind and a simple goal. Eat. He grew up in the slums of a dwarven city, beating up dwarves and stuff essentially for their lunch money. Eventually a group of bandits took notice and took him in, teaching Pilop essential knowledge on fighting, living in society, stealth, and other stuff like that. They then went on many robbing sprees as a group. They'd steal valuable items, while Pilop would just eat metal ingots or silverware. Eventually they came across a wizard, a well known wizard living in the dwarven city, Pilop took notice of his hat and proceeded to steal it without any prior planning from the others, and the wizard got MAD. He had his hat stolen so many times by slimes that he created a spell called Hold Slime, but that wasn't enough to stop Pilop. So he chased after this one singular slime who stole his hat and his spoons, kicking Pilop out the country, and sending a friend of his out to single-handedly punish Pilop. A fellow wizard known as the Chicken-mancer. To this day, Pilop has still been stealing hats and eating spoons without a care in the world. He also has a small slime pet rat he calls Pilop Jr. who he tucks into his stolen wizard hat. He is still one of my favorite characters I've made.
I came up with and Enchantment Wizard named Simon, anytime he used enchantment spells like Suggestion he'd say "Simon Says...", and using any non enchantment spells, for example Lightning Bolt, he would say a command, and say "SIMON DIDN'T SAY SAYS" then blast em with a bolt of lightning, i plan to make his second main stat charisma so i can do good intimidation checks, think "Simon says to kill your self, BEFORE I DO"
note: he is not meant for a hero campaign
I love this so much
So, here i have a backstory that i never used, but i would love to if i ever play again:
It's a human paladin, who lived in our world and was a complete and utterly useless individual. One day he got hit by a truck, and got transported to a DND campaign, where he learnt to be a great paladin, and turned out the hero who saved the day. One day, while walking down his palace, he got hit by a truck that appeared out of nowhere. He then got to another DND campaign, in which he decided to save the day once again, but after failing a spell to go back to his world, he got hit by a truck. This sent him to another DND campaign, where he got hit by a truck again. Rinse and repeat for a couple centuries. He's now in the new campaign, and completely paranoid about the idea of a lurking truck willing to strike him at any moment, always having nightmares and crap.
Idk, it seemed like a fun idea.
Not really a character backstory but a character creation process that just left me dumbfounded
My little brother has never played D&D before, but he seemed interested in it since I play it and am practicing to be a DM (bare in mind "little brother" is in his late teens). So he decides to pitch to me an idea he has for a Half-Orc Paladin who wields a sword called "The Orphan Obliterater." When I asked if he meant something more akin to "Orphan Maker" he was adamant about this sword specifically being designed to kill orphans, and the way he integrated it in to his backstory just sounds like a setup for a bad joke.
According to my little brother, his Half-Orc worked as a potato farmer, and after farming exactly 10,000 potatoes, he found in the dirt a sword made of flesh which attached itself to his arm and granted him the strength of the earth itself, and the conditions the sword had for wielding it would be *ahem* "harvesting the souls of orphans, specifically ones 5 years old and younger."
Naturally I was a bit disturbed by the concept of a weapon specifically designed to murder orphans and take their souls, but for the sake of my own amusement I entertained him, asking him several questions about the mechanics of the actual sword if I were to make it a magic weapon. _Proceeds to have an hour long discussion going around in circles trying to understand the requirements of this sword and what powers it even gives you._ It went from "It let's me add to my attack rolls" to "It let's me add to my damage rolls the more souls I harvest." to "It gives me a flat boost to strength for every soul I harvest." One of the edgiest and most bizarre conversations I've ever had with my little brother where he's insisting on creating a sword designed to harvest the _souls of young orphans._
If it wasn't obvious enough already, it became very clear to me my little brother was just trying to live out some kind of power fantasy rather than playing by any actual set of rules, so just to have a little fun since he doesn't actually know how the game works I started prodding him with some legitimate questions. "Does the sword work differently for creatures that age differently?" "Does it work on creatures that don't age?" "Why not just play a Hexblade Warlock?" "How long does the bonus last?" etc. Eventually he realized he has no idea what he's talking about and caved, not that I'd allow him to have such a ridiculously powerful and also very horrific concept of a weapon at first level anyway, but it was such a bizarre conversation, and he was so serious about it too.
My little brother is a serial killer in the making.
I hate to tell you this, but this is a joke about Technoblade, an INCREDIBLY popular UA-camr (now deceased, sadly, due to cancer) who was known for his dark humor (most famously being "This is the second worst thing to ever happen to these orphans", and other random lines about his "hatred" of orphans as jokes), and who also made an entire very humorous video about becoming the #1 potato farmer in Skyblock. Long story short, your brother is not a psychopath, just trying to make a joke hoping that you would get it. Dw!
@@dudical111 Oh, well, this is definitely the last comment I expected to see replied to, but that definitely makes a lot more sense since I know he's a fan of technoblade.
My kobold has a background of: Dabbles in homemade pesticides and loves eating lizards.
A skeleton sorcerer named Achmed, who could freecast fireball but only centered on himself, turning himself into a bony grenade as his bits flew through enemies like shrapnel. He had to spend one round after with 10 movement speed hopping around as just a head, and at the end of the turn he reassembled like a dry-bones. This was alongside a Druid hobo who's natural environment was in city garbage. His animal companion was a very pissed off possum
You know it's funny Brian's words at the end because I've been feeling that way for a few days myself. Thank you for saying that it's ok to feel that way and that it's ok to recharge
One of my friends are going to play a bard that accidentally made sentient cheese and therefore got kicked out for witchcraft
For my first campaign I had a half-elf Druid who was part rat. Well, it was never apparent if he acted like a rat, or was part rat. His mom was an elf prisoner, dad was… something? And he grew up in the sewers. I started in a drainage pipe under a bridge and instantly hit a random woman in the face with a dart. I rolled bad on accuracy, but well on damage and almost killed her.
That bit at the end really warmed my heart, especially considering the fact that this channel is how I survive. The world sucks, and this is one of the few ways I can genuinely laugh to the point of pain that lasts at least a day. My neck muscles get a lot of exercise from these videos. Or a lot of straining/cramping, at least. The internet is full of communities centered around things I enjoy, but the folks in the community are often eletist and I feel unwelcome or unqualified to associate with that community because I don't know as much as them about the stuff the community focuses on. I have never felt that here. This is a channel where I don't feel inferior for not knowing as much as a lot of other people. Unfortunately, some of my interests and the groups I identify with clash (unnecessarily, in my opinion). One example is that I am a member of the LGBTQ+ community, and being trans (nonbinary), I have felt pressure to force myself to hate something that I credit for me being capable of typing this right now, instead of being in an urn. J.K. Rowling's vitriol disgusts me, and I condemn her, but I refuse to let her bigotry make me hate the Harry Potter franchise. I separate the work of art from the creator. I once verbalized this to a fellow trans person, and she equated that to separating Mein Kampf from Adolf Hitler which absolutely baffled me. Mein Kampf was nothing more than him complaining about his problems and scapegoating others. I learned to accept myself and the fact that I will never fit in with people I once considered "normal", a term I have grown to despise, seeing as it is an utterly preposterous concept, nothing is normal. I don't feel pressure to think or be a certain way when enjoying these videos, and for that, I thank you. Everyone.
I came up with a back story that i haven't actually got to play yet. It's a paladin who gets around a bit too much. he ends up sleeping with a witch and when she finds out about his history with women, puts a curse on him. Now he actually thinks he is the god he worships in human form and is trying to find the witch again because he thinks that will restore his godly powers.
Brother Joseph of the illustrious Ultramarines Chapter had a long and storied career of surviving missions that lesser Astartes would consider “stupidly suicidal” and “a complete waste of time and resources”. However thanks to his strict adherence to the Codex Astartes as written by his gene father Roboute Guilliman (the First and Greatest of the Primarchs) he time and again defied the odds to return unscathed even if he was the sole survivor of his squad. Naturally such raw talent could not be ignored, so Brother Joseph was picked for the honor of joining the ranks of Deathwatch, no doubt to pad his resume for his bright future as Company Commander or perhaps even Chapter Master one day. Brother Joseph was sent to the Watch Fortress with a missive written by Our Spiritual Liege Marneus Calgar himself (the Greatest Space Marine to ever live and the reason other Space Marines cry themselves to sleep at night knowing they can never be Ultramarines). Upon the missive was a message to be delivered directly to the hand of the Watch Captain himself
“He’s your problem now shithead. No takebacks.
Papa Smurf”
I made a character once named Gamble his backstory was complicated but one of the most important bits was he ran away from his home town after realizing he told his childhood friend who didn't understand metaphors to bet their ass he was so embarrassed to have done this he refused to return.
Not a DnD character but an OC of mine (I was a kid when I made this) got cybernetics from a magic talisman
I assume the gnomitaur would keep the overal look of the minotaur, but the size of the gnome. That is adorable.
Literally any D&D character I have ever made.
And the half-mermaid, half-Minotaur is something I’ve heard of before, and find absolutely hilarious.
I remember a friend of mine once made an orc named, Thrag Skullfucker. His gimmick was, as you might have guessed, literally skullfucking his fallen enemies as a means of vile desecration.
Have one I made, the character is called Walter Threkon. He basically insulted a princess by telling her she was fat. Who is actually an Umbrikar disciple. So, he got cursed.
Walter get his voice trapped inside one item. That can be found by hearing his own voice, but the problem is that he didn't hear his voice for so many years.. He can't basically remember it.
So, unless he find the item. He is mute for good.
I made Hoppsy Grogblossom, a Goblin Alchemist who was born to brew ale. She learned how to gather fermented fruits and herbs that were great for alcohol while scouting for her Goblin Tribe. The Goblin Tribe, tired of her antics, put her on the Scout on an explosive barrel duty, which would alert the tribe of intruders. She failed to alert the tribe of an incoming adventuring party however, because she got drunk off her ass that evening which caused everyone in the goblin tribe to get slaughtered, except her. Dazed and confused, Hoppsy was taken by the party to their quest town’s tavern and left there as a sign of a completed quest. The tavern owner then took her under his wing as a brewmaster after learning of her affinity for the good stuff.
I really wanna hear more about the gnome wizard and his half minotaur child
Clearly that gnome had some bard in him
Two character concepts I have:
A dryad druid that was a fair dragon that was sealed within a bonsai oak tree (yes it is possible, I researched bonsai when thinking of this). So the dryad could move around AND TAKE HER ITTY BITTY TREE WITH HER. Took her several extra long decades to be able to materialize outside of her tree and spent those years studying druidism from the old elf druid who originally made the bonsai oak.
A hagbound 'undead' dryad. Basically a dryad ripped from nature to be the 13th member of a hag coven, it just cost the lives of the rest of the coven to do it. She lost the charm and several nature aspects of the dryad to have the magic of the hag. Appearance was a mix of the traditional DnD dryad, and the hollowness of Skyrim dryads.
I made a one-off character who was based off Job from Arrested Development. He was a fighter who specialized in firearms, but would hide them up his sleeves and pretend to be a wizard, casting “fireballs” with reckless abandon
Haven't used it yet, but it's a character who is half human,half centaur, and was born with one pair of horse legs, and no horse body.
He's sick of answering people's questions about his parents, so he learnt to play the pan flute and just says he's a satyr with no horns
9:22 started, and when it got to the character, I imagined another bard going alongside them singing "Thou Art So Vain" ("You're So Vain") whenever the drawf bard was singing his own praises lmaooooooo
A chronomancy wizard who commited a good deed decades ago and wants to go back to fix it
I have a soft spot for dumb backstories. Sometimes "Yeah, uh, that's what happened." is endearing. Life is stupid or weird or nonsensical sometimes and backstories especially can lean into that. The story that plays out during play needs to be more narratively satisfying, but backstories don't need to be, and can in fact make the narrative stronger by being dumb.
So yeah.
I actually liked the Star Rock one! 😂
Faye Firesneeze the goblin sorcerer was washed up on a deserted island and raised by seagulls. Picked up by pirates, she now snuffles her way past a terrible pine tar allergy as a carpenter's mate.
There once was an ooze. They walked away from their home plane. Somehow ended up in space
I unfortunately haven’t had a chance to play him yet, but here we go.
A lawful evil politician, with a werebear curse.
He wants to bring the world down through rising to power in government and law enforcement, then coming into power as the one ruler of the world.
But he really sucks at it. Nobody listens to him.
But what they do listen to, is him as a werebear. But when he’s a werebear, he’s chaotic good. He’ll wake up in a fog and realise that the town he’s in has just had a law passed to protect children from poverty because of a very charismatic bear who talked to everyone. He’ll wake up covered in grime and wonder if he got in a fight, just to realise he single-handedly built a new town hall.
His one motivation is to cure his curse, so he stops doing good against his will.
Anyway that’s his stupid backstory
I played a half-orc barbarian, Merl, who tried to convince everyone that he was actually a spell caster. His human father was a powerful wizard, who in the process of trying to teach his son the feather-fall spell, dropped him on his head. Due to the fall Merl had negative modifiers for wisdom, intelligence and charisma. He carried around the severed hand from a warlock to “cast mage hand” at objects by throwing the hand. I’m battle he would cast powerful spells like “HAMMER” or “PUNCH TO THE FACE”. All the while believing that everyone saw him as a competent wizard.
Our group once played a game of Umerica (a d6 game with a Mad Max-style setting), and in it I played G.O.Z.O. who was an android, so named because when they found him wandering the wastes, there was a logo on one of his chestplates (likely the name of the company that created him), and only those letters were readable while the rest had worn away from the sandy winds.
He was a rather jolly fellow. He had picked up the art of tailoring after joining the group, collecting buttons and using a broken pair of scissors as a knife... and despite not needing to wear clothes, he chose to wear a Hawaiian shirt.
We didn't play the game for very long, but he was a fun little silly character to play.
I made a half elf sorcerer that was a minor God of chaos who was imprisoned into mortal form. He was considered crazy by the rest of the party for always talking about fighting such power or acquiring such power. His favorite ability at low levels happened to be the ice dagger. His spells although powerful seemed to always miss but with negative impacts on the party with the constant exploding ice daggers. The fact he always missed and continuously crazed himself on about power eventually lead to the party abandoning him in a dark magic forest when he was sleeping which was inhabited by the undead and worse.
Gnome? Minotaur? GNOME? MINOTAUR? SOMETHING should be illegal here!
You straight up went full Jim Carry. Well done.
One of my players is a mage named Lucien Magie-merde ( litterally Lucien shit-magic ), he only knows one spell and cannot learn more, but when he pass the roll check for his spell he then roll 1D100, each number is a random spell, his backstory is that in his youth he discovered he had some affinty with magic ( when he was a kid he gave life to a charriot which then became his "mother" ) and decided to study it, however it rapidly occures that no matter what he tried the results were random, sometimes benefic, harmless or very dangerous, the council of his school decided he was too dangerous to let him go around doing so but his unique abilities shouldn't be lost, but rather observed, replicated and tamed, so they kept him drugged in a dungeon. Somehow one day in his drugged dreams he managed to let loose of his powers and was able to break free. He is activly wanted by this council for his crimes ( wich are real and led to the emprisonement ) but his character do not really care about that, he have only one goal : become famous and teach "the magic of randomness" to others.
This character started at the launch of a new campaign after a party wipe, he was a prisonner and was supposed to be delivered to the council, the others players were one mercenary who was hired to play the role of a jailor and the other one was a thief infiltrating the stonghold to steal from the vault, Lucien manages to bribe both of them so they will help him escape, to this day only Lucien remains in the party, the mercenary went back home and the thief left the group to become a pirate warlord.
My first ever character was a halfling bard who ended up stuck with a crappy job at the local old man hangout bar, playing the same old drinking songs over and over again. Literally the only songs she knew as a bard were tavern limericks, though she could play them quite well. She hated her job but wouldn't quit because she despised the thought of working the fields or making jams. In fact, she hated going outside and would wear a big sunhat outdoors at all times. This left her looking pale and greasy and borderline vampiric. The only redeeming quality about her is that she had a weird thing about always finishing something once she started it. This meant that when another, more outgoing halfling annoyed her enough about her musical skills, she offered to teach them to sing just so they'd finally leave her alone. This quickly spiralled into her being dragged into an adventuring group that she now can't leave because the other halfling (who _loves_ adventuring and wants to become the best at literally everything) still sucks at singing and she just can't go back on her word.
(Edited for Sucky Mobile Spelling)
An atheist palladian that's actually a sorcerer and his Devine smite is him enchanting his bible and beating people with it
Got 2
1) From a sibling I played Dnd with, their backstory was they slept with every single demon lord, and in turn sold their soul to each one. They didn’t want to pay, and they only had one soul when the cost was 1 soul per demon lord from separate contracts, so they ran off. Somehow payed it off in the end, but we don’t question that.
2) My character was an Aarakocra who worshipped the goddess of theatre within the world, but when the goddess took me from the elemental plane of air to the mortal plane, they messed up so I was ~3 1/2 feet tall (small). My only goal was to write a play or musical, which did eventually happen, but only after the mother of the gods snapped and started killing all the gods (only sparring one cause they were a mortal turned into a god from a noble deed they did towards that mother god/goddess).
When Brian was saying he wouldn’t do the John Cena meme, the editor missed a golden opportunity not putting in the “Are you sure about that”, meme.
Dr. Shnizzler, a gnome alchemist, born as a dentist's only child. While his father him to inherent his profession, Shnizzler found calling with potions, even found a formula that can harden teeth.
He's now on a quest to find a potion that can grow them back entirely, after his father lost his teeth to some loan sharks.
I have a character that I hope to play someday. Homebrew race: true shifter (basically, a sentient forest spirit with innate wildshape/polymorph). Dad was an elf; she was born with the form of a half-elf/half-halfling (a quarterling if you will). She grew up happy in a cabin in a birch forest bordering a swamp half a day by cart to the nearest village with her two older siblings and two younger ones. One day, at 13 years old, she was playing "fox and rabbits" with her siblings (that hide and seek except the hiders are rabbits, literally, and the seeker is a fox, literally). She was the fox. She wandered a bit too far in to the swamp and managed to catch a curse that wiped her of her sentience. She essentially forgot who she was and that she was a sentient being (remember, she was in the form of a fox at this point). Ten years later she wakes up with no knowledge of what happened (though she vaguely remembers her time as a fox) in a cave with a strange man in a purple robe and shifts back in to her birth form. The man is reasonably disturbed by this -- being as he had been travelling with his pet fox for several months. They trace her awaking to a casting of remove curse several hours ago during a skirmish. The wizard allows her to travel with him for a week, seeing as she is very disturbed by this, but leaves her with a oversized new robe and a knife in the next village. Now she must find her way home. The problem: she never paid attention to local geography, and she has no idea where home is or how to go about finding it. She got quite far in 10 years. She vaguely remembers her father once showing her a "map" of the region, so naturally she assumes that all maps will show where her home is, and sets out to find one.
What's the dumb part? Remember when I said she got cursed in the swamp? Well, she was cursed by *eating* a glowing, gold, bullfrog. It was the best frog she'd ever eaten, and it takes her quite some time to make that connection.
A fellow mutants and masterminds enjoyer in this episode? Splendid.
I'm currently playing a Wild Magic Sorcerer (homebrewed into Pathfinder 1E) who started out as an ordinary guy, then accidentally blew himself up with a Wabbajack-esque magical Macguffin and became a sorcerer.
My dumbest character was a homebrew Baketako (basically a giant octopus) who was looking for a deep-sea diver who stole his temple's steel drums. When a Baketako first ventures above land they take the name from the first person they meet, and that is exactly what my character did.
That is how Jeff the Wunderpuss set out in his adventure looking for drums and gumboots to fill with water
I'll add to this. The dumbest from my group is one of mine. And he happens to be my favorite as well. Kerkad Kerkhylan, Blue Dragonborn draconic sorcerer with brass ancestry.
He comes from a village in the mountains built from the remains of their ancestor, the brass dragon Kerkhylan. The skull acted as the village elder's house. The tribe was once proud of their magical talents. But as time passes, the magic blood weakened. Eventually, multiple generations passed with no magical talent appearing. Until Kerkad was born.
Kerkad was born from just hearing the name Kerkhylan, which sounded Scottish to us. So he uses a thick Scottish highland accent, practices customs considered odd by others. And tell stories that terrify and disgust others. He was also very self reliant, preferring to hunt and gather over buying his own food. And having a very heavy interest in studying magic.
Now, why this could be considered dumb? I accidently made Rolf from Ed, Edd n Eddy
In DnD. And what worse? When the party rouge died, I was the only player with enough knowledge and brains to lead the party.
As a DM, I made a group of orc leaders of a tribe that had taken over a ranch. They were purposely over leveled for the characters because the group had been starting to be a bit like murder hobos. HOWEVER, to make the fight fun, each orc had a major flaw that made them interesting and easy to fight. The main two being the one that jumped out the window the second he heard a noise and, my favorite, an orc wizard who had been teased his entire life for being a wizard and not a fighter or barbarian and upon seeing the adventurers readying to right another barbarian when they saw him, snapped. He used fireball inside the house, killing himself and two of the other orcs. The PCs just started to crack up in confused laughter as the other orcs continued to do dumb shit. It was a fun joke battle. Made that orc into a character to use one day too.
I had a gnome wizard. This gnome wizard’s best friend was a badger. After the badger died he kept its body, hoping he would be able to learn how to find immortality. He also lives in a barrel that is dragged on the floor by a group of forest critters. Later on in the campaign I got Dance Macabre. So now the badger is “alive” again and everyone hates me for it :)
Ok these characters never got made for a campaign but a coworker and I will sometimes spitball character ideas to each other. So what started with him spitballing an idea of a lamp made into a sentient humanoid snowballed into a full on campaign idea (and party members). The idea was a powerful wizard had a spell and if he ever got into trouble his sentient spellbook (a backup left at home) would activate and create adventurers from the surrounding items and creatures to rescue him. So the party members we settled on were as follows and started with: The Dog, who was naturally a St Bernard named Bernard and was a celestial warlock and leader of the party (his master would be his patron). Next came The Lamp, who would be an autognome light cleric. The Book, who be a scribe wizard that uses shape water effectively being a plasmoid even though he himself is a book. The Raven, a trickster rogue who takes the name "Pretty Boy" after what his master always called him. The Fireplace, or specifically the fire in it would become a fire genasi wildfire druid. The Plant, named Fern which would become a Warforged Ancients Paladin (more of a wood golem than a mechanical being). And last The Cat, by the name of Scratches who is a Tabaxi Beast Barbarian. Admittedly a large party but all sprang from a silly idea that a lamp goes searching for his master a la Brave Little Toaster.
I heard one that was a modern day bard who was time traveled back to the fantasy days during mid battle.
Had a halfling barbarian who was the result of an experiment done by an evil wizard. He was all of 3 feet tall and 250 pounds of rock hard muscle. One day he breaks free of his chains and kills the wizard, whose magic was the only thing keeping the tower he was trapped in standing. During his escape, the halfling was hit in the head with a brick, knocking him out cold and sending him stumbling out a window into the lake below. He survived but has no memory of his life before or his time as a captive. All he found was the brick that his him in the head. So now all he can say is his own (newly acquired) name, Brick.
PANR has tuned in.
Feeling like trash, but I'm ok
wrote a few backgrounds for some characters on the Champions Online videogame (which is based off a ttrpg "Champions"). the dumbest one i wrote was actually for a friend's character so i don't remember all the details but the short of it was the character was a cyborg Wilford Brimley who had lost a few of his limbs due to diabetes and so was on a mission to cure diabetes and kick the ass of criminals (cuz.. reasons?)
and then theres one of my characters "Match Stick" and his Nemesis (main villain) "Smokey the Bear"
"Match Stick" is not a singular hero. It is the name of the government project that produces them. Strong, short lived, disposable super powereds who can be sent into dangers without fear of death.
Each match stick is only used for a single mission and once lit they have a limited amount of time before they burn out and die. When they burn out, their body turns to ash and smoke making attempts by rival governments to copy this "hero" nearly impossible.
During the testing phase of the Match Stick project, one of the Sticks exploded and destroyed a large forest. This forest was the home of Smokey the Bear. Having lost his home and many of his friends, Smokey snapped. Deciding to take a more active approach to the prevention of forest fires (and fires of any kind), Smokey vowed to destroy all things related to fires and explosions.. and most especially the Match Stick project. Many of the surviving woodland creatures from his forest, as well as many from other forests who witnessed the destruction, joined Smokey's cause. But being mere beasts wouldn't be enough, so Smokey kidnapped top scientists and had them create a cryomutagenic serum to turn the beasts of the forest into larger humanoid forms with powers over ice and cold. Together, Smokey and the ice beasts set out to rid the world of all fire and of the Match Sticks.
1:38 It's HeroScape (the boardgame), not HeroForge (the mini designing website). I loved that game.
As for a dumb backstory, I designed an alchemist that looks like Seth Rogan as a halfling. He originally worked in a furniture workshop making things like wooden stools with woven tops... using hemp rope. One day, there was a fire in the workshop, and he inhaled the smoke, got high, and just sort of wandered off like Towelie from "South Park". He met a Baba Yaga, but was too stoned to realize what she was, so he ended up doing some chores for her in exchange for learning some of her alchemy secrets. Now he goes around selling people cheap potions and salves (which are perfectly legal) while pretending it's some huge drug deal. I got that idea from an episode of "The Simpsons".
A Minotaur/Mermaid hybrid can work a half bull/half fish creature sounds cool I can see it being a good fighter both on land and in water
for me there are 2 characters i played that come to mind, one was a khajeet (our dm homebrewed kajheet for the elderscrolls in and we only later found out tabaxi were a thing in DnD) she was a short statured barbarian, obsessed with 2 handed weapons that were larger than herself. while she was a problem child, so to say, she got kicked out of their wandering tribe since a nomadic merchant tribe with a member among their ranks being the one who would end up beating up all the kids in towns (she just thought they were playing rough, but in reality she was geninuinely beating the ever living crap out of all the town's kids) ended up nearly dying in the desert but wound up taking a deal with asmodeus to survive and not much later her adopted father ended up finding her (the sorcerer/wizzard of our group)... she was a lesbian she knew and understood f-all about romance and all that (so heavily closeted she doesn't even realize romantic interests are a thing) but also was the paradoxical figure who turned out smarter than the mage in our group, had a negative to her charisma (since she was utter socially awkward) and ended up being the most functional person to lead the group... her usual solution to issues was either try theoretical and semi-scientific approaches, but if that did not work swiftly, violence solved all.( she may have punched more than a few holes in doors because they were jammed)
and the other was my dragonborn sorcerer/paladin, a highly superstitious lady named Errynth the Silver. As a kid she fell from the floating city (homebrew setting where dragonborn lived in floating college cities) and barely survived the fall since she landed and was impaled upon a branch that just barely missed all vital parts, but from then on believed she owed the Raven Queen a debt for her not dying and purseud to learn and understand the technicalities between life and death... which led to her being expelled from the college and thus banned from the cities. due to her extreme superstitions, she refused to accept the medical field was a thing and believed only divine magic could heal anyone... so she was basicallya high fantasy anti-vaxxer who was alive in the first place at that time... because of said medical field she refused to acknowledge existed.
The gnome and minotaur story, I think that the gnome is a male and the minotaur is a female.
I created a black dragonborn barbarian for an introductory one-shot who just eats things, starting with another PCs shoes. His name was David Ding-Elle-Berry. When a campaign came about, I decided to use the same character, but he needed a backstory.
When he was a baby, his father ripped off an evil wizard, who then cursed his child (David) with the amount of greed as his father. David went on to get kicked from his tribe because he ate everyone's rations and enemy corpses after battles. He was then enslaved by orcs and forced to build their stronghold, but he kept eating the materials, so they locked him away and starved him for fun, throwing random things in for him to eat.
A giant was placed in the cage and they took bets to see how long it would take for him to be eaten, but they became friends. Eventually, however the camp ran out of supplies and the giant starved to death, so David ate him.
He never recovered. His motivation is basically to lift the curse and I've created a hunger mechanic that affects his attitude and decisions. It's going well
so i know i have mentioned a goblin rouge that bluffed his way into having a boss fight with him on his side before getting killed (boss died not goblin), well that goblin was suppose to be a warrior however due to being very squishy and his stature being small he had to swap out the short sword for a knife and the metal armor for cloth in order to be effective in battle. he still claims to be be a fierce goblin warrior but everyone just sees him as a rouge and the fact that he takes rouge skills and traits doesn't help either. Another character that a player had was the notorious Gnome Wizard that killed a guard by heating his bars and dragging the poor fool through it, well the player's back story for that one was that the dwarf was just a regular blacksmith that traveled around plying his trade, one day he happens to run into a group of wizards that were in a panic as they had loss one of their troupe. well the wizards kinda kidnapped the dwarf and convinced him to play the part of their fallen comrade in exchange for gold. well he played along and while under their care he picked up the magic teachings from their books and students. how does a simple blacksmith pretend to be a wizard you may ask. well Amnesia. basically he was to pretend that he had amnesia and his interest in learning the basics of magic was to help get the memories back. the guys i use to play with really let loose on the funny and weird.
Made a human fighter for a one shot, who was actually a dog transformed into a man by a wizard for an unknown purpose, and then he escaped before the wizard could complete his goal, or change him back. He ended up recruited into a losing Kingdom's army, due to desperation, and they taught him to be a bit more human like. Having originally been a large guard dog, he was a big human, who could swing a two handed weapon quite effectively, but he was largely still a dog at heart, and often confused enemies by barking at them mid combat, and also bit an orc chief one time after being disarmed, which confused the chief, but gave him enough respect for me to later parley with the group.
Here’s one I’m pretty proud of. Charles Paradigm is a Bard Warlock with literally 0 understanding of magic. In the homebrew universe we’re playing in, a time traveler gave him a magic saxophone, and told him to go nuts. Due to his lack of knowledge, whenever in danger he would play it, and a d100 would be rolled for wild magic (I have still not found out what all of the effects are). He decided to become a street performer, and did so for such a long time, he forgot his actual name, and just decided to go by Charles. At 43, he was performing at a tavern, and pulled a horny bard, seducing a woman with his +5 charisma. I passed a performance check that night so well that she revealed herself to be this universe’s goddess of healing, and made him into her patron. Now he still doesn’t get how magic works, but he’s also a warlock. During combat, instead of attacking or even using a special action, we roll a d100 to see what happens
I rolled up a sentient half eaten loaf of bread Sorcerer that was accidentally created by a wizard. It "spoke" via telepathy that sounded like a 1990s text to speech program, and used Mage Hand to move. The DM shot it down immediately and declared me "a bad influence" to the first time players. The idea came from back when my friends and I played 3.5 as kids. My buddy's dad had a similar NPC in one of the games he DM'd for us, only it was a wheel of cheese. It's not my fault we had a great DM that could have fun!
Ok so my character's backstory isn't dumb so much as generic. She's (yes I crossplay) an elf Urban Ranger whose village was completely DESTROYED by a band of orcs and all but two residents of the village were killed (obviously she's one of the two). Naturally, she absolutely HATES orcs with a violent passion. Half orcs are a sore subject with her but if they're kind she won't attack them...physically.
8:05 I had to replay that and check to see if maybe there was a typo that Brian intentionally read it as but nope. The character was a window washer, but according to Brian, the character was a "Widow washer", which creates a lot of questions I probably don't want answered.
A-1000 codename Alpha his programming couldn't process the triple zero of his own indication number resulting in him being "defective". He eventually managed to inhabit multiple bodies to cover for the rest of the party's weaknesses. The people had different versions of Alpha for every class and they all had a theme.
Originally didn't really have a background, but now I have a start.
My Arakocra rogue had heard of what Fae creatures can do with stealing names. So he decided to go by the name "gary" he even raises his hands to make air quotes and writes it down with the quotes. Party is spending time every now and then guessing what "Gary"'s real name is.
To make matters funnier, he has a negative 3 intelligence modifier. He is a literal birdbrain
I have a Tiefling Bard (that I still need to actually use but I can't find people to play with) who is a failed comedian turned bard. He only became a bard out of sheer boredom. Most of his jokes consist of puns, shitty dad jokes, and fourth wall breaking jokes referencing different types of modern media that no PC or NPC would even be able to understand because they likely won't exist in any setting he would be played in. He's missing half of a horn and has a large scar on his forehead because one of his jokes failed SO BADLY that a random fucking orc threw a chair and an empty wine bottle at him during one of his comedy shows.
This isn’t really a dumb backstory, but it is a silly one from one of my joke characters. We were playing “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Other Strangeness”, and I decided to roll up a mutant ninja skunk. He was the result of a military super soldier serum experiment, from the Animal Testing stage. He became smarter, larger, faster, etc. As an unintended side effect, the skunk became sentient and developed humanoid traits (walking upright, opposable thumbs, capable of speaking, etc.). One of the lab assistants was a young Japanese American woman who loved Disney movies. Her favourite was Bambie, so when my character was still “just a skunk” she named him Flower after Bambie’s skunk friend. Once Flower had begun to develop humanoid traits, she started training him in the art of ninjitsu (as she came from a family of ninja). Animal rights activists broke into the lab, freed all of the animals, and set the lab on fire. Flower escaped and was presumed dead. He then took up the life of a vigilante hero, much like the actual ninja turtles.
And that’s the story behind my mutant ninja skunk named Flower.
From the day he was born Gnerbal knew he was made for great things. (The DM made us roll on their ridiculous "Useless Talents" sheet and Gner landed a real doozy) You see young Gner's ability was that if he was thrown or otherwise hurtled toward something all damage he should have taken would be rendered against the object he collided with. By the time he was a toddler, the young gnome had a penchant for climbing on the counter and flinging himself toward the floor giggling happily as he left small craters in the floorboards. This greatly angered his father who picked him up one day and ungraciously punted him out of the house yelling "Go play! Daddy is working on a great catapult for the king!"
Gner Landes in a vendoirs stall, obliterating it, frightening the old woman there so much she used a club to send him flying, still giggling, deeper into the market. Accordingly, after being used as the ball in a pinball machine of death and destruction Gner finally landed softly in a bed of cloth on a wagon leaving the gnomish hamlet. Never to be seen again.
Later in a human city, Gner became a phenomenon, Gner the Destroyer, often fired from catapults and ballista's for the amusement of crowds.
This kind of fame attracted the attention of an adventuring group, who'd heard of the gnome that could destroy old barns in one go. The rest, as they say, is history.
From that day forward Gner became Gner the Destroyer of Things, and with the help of his adventuring group of really buff guys and a wizardess with Bigby's hand spells, he attempted to retrace his way back to his home hamlet to find out if his dad ever completed that catapult for the king.
(Soiler alert, the hamlet was destroyed by rather miffed halflings that were tired of their burrows being used as testing grounds by the gnomes inventions,)
😆
Homebrew post-apocalypse set in France, where I play Glenn Daatou, an Argentinian who didn't have a home to return to, so he joined the French Foreign Legion, or what remained of it for two reasons.
1) Squash the bugs who destroyed Buenos Aires
2) Service guarantees citizenship.
Would you like to know more?