About the praying one.....the important thing is for you to understand that your relationship with Christ is very personal, and should not depend on your boyfriend
Well yah praying and the bible reading should happen because I mean it's like saying we shouldn't go on walks together? It's an activity you like doing by yourself and with others. Also dating is how you will kinda be when your married so you wanna practice seeing one another in prayer and the bible so your like yup if I see this now than I'm glad it will happen in the future too.
If you do bible studies together like what if it just you two. You don't got no friends lol And like again if you both not doing it now why would you think that when you married you will do it? Like I just think how a person acts and there lifestyle makes you wanna see like hey is this husband material or not ? How a person is currently they will be the same in the future. So again you want to see those things to make sure that up u can rely on that to happen in the future.
I asked my current boyfriend to pray for us at the end of our first date and I’m SO glad we did because it became very normal for us very early. We’ve been together for over a year now and still pray together everyday
These were really great questions! I'm in my first dating relationship and my boyfriend and I frequently pray, discuss the Bible, as well as other Christian books. I will say, we met through our young adult Bible study and are both youth leaders. My warning would be for young Christians or those that don't regularly study the Bible on their own or with a mentor. You don't want your spiritual health to be dependent on your SO. In my case, it's given us good discussions and grown my confidence in how he would prioritize these things in a marriage. Also I love how we can challenge each other. Thank you so much for sharing your perspectives!
PSA: MEN, DON’T BRING UP MARRIAGE WITHIN THE FIRST THREE WEEKS. Yes, I’m dating for the purpose of finding a spouse too, but hearing you say “marriage,” or “if we get married,” or hearing you verbalize serious hypothetical future scenarios... like okay maybe around 6mo you can start EASING your way into those kinds of conversations. But hearing that stuff within the first month of dating is way too much, way too soon. And stuff like- ok let me just give an example: I had mentioned something related to my period to my then-boyfriend (2 weeks into dating or something), and he’d responded with “Well, I’m glad you have a regular period, because that indicates good fertility. As a husband, I’d want my wife to be fertile and be able to bear my children.” Like yeeeeah that’s technically correct, but if you’ve only been dating a couple weeks, associating your girl with “my wife” like that (and with a more intimate topic) in the same breath is intimidating😅
@wnc817 Yeah, I wouldn't bring up my period in the first couple of weeks, either. If I'm not feeling well because of it, I'd just say I don't feel well and leave it at that.
@wnc817 yeah so context- a day or two before, we were gonna do something, but then I was like "actually, not feeling well" over text and he'd asked what was up (it was also flu season), and I told him as discreetly as I could. He had sisters, he had family members in the medical field, he understood completely, it wasn't a big deal. And then when we *did* eventually meet up, he asked me how I was feeling -- and I still didn't think it'd be a big deal -- and that was when he made said comment lol
@@missprincessd1842 definitely hear you!! I feel like it also depends on how well you know the person already, or if they'd be the type to be cool with it regardless of "how early" the topic comes up (ex. if the guy/his family was in the medical field, as was the case here haha). As an aside, I was 22, he was 27-- at that point, if a dude's still uncomfortable with hearing about or talking about periods in general, then personally he's not for me hahah
I have friends from church and we will sometimes pray together one-on-one if one of us is upset or talking about something deep, and I feel like in that circumstance it makes perfect sense to pray with a boyfriend. I also think praying before meals is fair game. Sometimes it seems like people try to make these "rules" that can take the joy out of Godly dating. I don't really do one-on-one Bible studies with friends, so I feel like it would be weird to study the Bible alone with a boyfriend. I'm so glad you guys talk so honestly about healthy and realistic boundaries and empower others to think through what they've been taught and whether or not it's actually fruitful. And so thankful you're feeling better Tiffany!
This is such a great perspective - thank you for sharing this!! I agree - rules about things like this aren’t helpful, because it’ll look different for different people. The important thing is to pay attention to what feels natural to each couple, and let the relationship progress naturally without rushing it.
I prayed with my bf and we had Bible studies together. We also went to Bible studies at church together. Reading and then talking about what we were getting out of that passage really helped me get to know him better, how he thought, and see his understanding of the Bible and what God wants of us. It is one of the things that helped me see we were not right for each other. We would read something and disagree about salvation issues or just Biblical differences that we didn't see eye to eye on.
@T Collins Great question. That is complicated to answer. So right after we had broken up, it was really hard when the times we had a routine of Bible study and prayer came and we weren't doing that anymore. Do I have a soul tie with him though? surprisingly no I don't. We were together for 4 months, that answer might of changed if we had broken up way later in the relationship. I don't know. We also had good reason to break up (Biblical reason) so that helps. Breakups hurt no matter what. I do know what you are talking about because I think I might have experienced it before, but with a guy friend. I have little experience in dating relationships, but from what I do know, for me personally, I need to read the Bible and pray with the person I am dating to marry. I need to know that the person is actively seeking God and pushing me to do the same. Maybe that means not having a daily bible/pray routine but maybe a weekly one. both should each maintain their own relationship with God apart from the dating relationship of course.
For me personally i prefer to first get to know the person, his faith, his goals and points of view in important aspects, and then decide- based on personality e.g- If i want to date this person, cause If I 've already grown attached to them and spent time, I can be biased on the important things, or It might make It difficult to get away from them If they are not good to me. But its Just my opinion
Hi, divorced woman here. When my ex husband and I were dating he did not want to have couples devotions. This kept me from truly seeing his relationship with God and we were not able to grow in this together as a married couple. On the other hand, in my last relationship, we prayed together and read the Bible together on a regular basis. This helped us grow individually in our walk with God and served as jumping off point for more growth when we broke up. I am so thankful for that relationship because it helped me grow closer to God and I think we left each other better people.
Thank you so much for this video! You and James are so encouraging and real. I think we can get so caught up in the "rights and wrongs" of relationships that we forget that there isn't a perfect formula to follow on any of these topics. Your relationship isn't doomed to fail because you don't pray together every single day while you're dating, and your relationship isn't guaranteed to be amazing even if you do. Every relationship looks so so different, and that's a beautiful reminder that love can be expressed in a million different ways.
Just seeing the thumbnail I was so excited to see you sitting! So glad you're feeling better, really makes you appreciate the mundane things God gives us that we tend to overlook (Like sitting!)
I don’t think couples should pray together until engagement/marriage. There is an intimacy and vulnerability that is in your spiritual life and I think it should be separate from your who you’re dating. Praying for your significant other in your own prayer time is the best way to protect your heart ❤️
For me it is so important to pray together with my boyfriend and to read the bible with him because it helps us to focus our relationship on God. His thoughts on different passages are often inspiring and help me to reflect on my faith live.
Prayer with someone of the opposite sex can be extremely detrimental if you’re not careful (speaking from personal experience here). You develop that soul tie and if it doesn’t work out...man that’s hard to navigate and break away from. Please be wise if you like someone, or are getting to know them on a deeper level, when you pray together. Don’t be afraid to be honest with them either so they know why you want to wait to pray together.
Re: Praying together/doing bible study one on one I actually think that this goes into the spiritual boundaries category! In the same way that there needs to be physical and emotional boundaries in a relationship, there needs to be spiritual boundaries as well - because they are all connected! The point is that you don't want to accelerate intimacy beyond a natural and/or wise pace. In the same way that different people/relationships have different boundaries physically and emotionally, there are varying levels of spiritual boundaries as well, but as a rule of thumb I would always say that we need to guard our hearts. For me, that means that I am not actively seeking out times to pray with guys (I am not dating anyone at the moment but I have a lot of male friends), and when I do it is always because the Spirit prompted me to do so. I love my guy friends, and I pray for them constantly in my one-on-one conversations with God, but praying together is very intimate, and so I only do it when I am specifically led by the Spirit to do so. Prayer causes connection when you are praying with a friend and other believer, and so I try to be careful who I am tying myself to.
I enjoy praying with my boyfriend so much, also reading the bible brings us closer. Especially if you feel temptation to physically go further, it helps to focus on God and pray to him. Also it's weird for me that saying I love you is such a big deal in the US, I don't know why. In Germany it's something you do when you are in a relationship but people don't even think about making a big deal about it.
I just felt so healed by your goal statement at the beginning of the video Tiffany. My first dating experience in the church was one of the most anxiety-ridden experiences I’ve ever had in my life and it was so debilitating...leaders/mentors in the church should not be forcing their idea of “correct boundaries” on other couples. I really think every individual has to wrestle with God and figure it out for themselves...
I think I agree with not doing one on one bible studies when dating. For me personally, I feel like if I were to do that & then split up with my boyfriend, every time I would read the bible I would be reminded of him!
When my boyfriend and I started praying together, it was uncomfortable, but now (we are 2 years together) it feels so so so good. We love to talk to God about our relationship and struggles. To do that together makes us feel more connected and powerful :)
I just started dating my boyfriend a few days before quarantine started, and we've started doing a weekly devotion. Our relationship was a long time coming, and we were pretty sure right away that we are going to get married, and so for us, it's a bit different. However, my immediate family also went through some major medical emergencies this summer in addition to all the stresses of quarantine, and so praying together over the phone while I was waiting for news and things were happening really quickly was a way that my boyfriend was/is able to be with me and we were able to grow stronger together while I was stretched so thin and stressed.....and seven hours away. I think each couple should evaluate where they are in the relationship and what other special circumstances are there before praying or doing a devotion together, but I also know how beneficial and important that was for us.
I LOVE that you talked about praying together!! I’ve thought about this a lot cuz I have heard many different things. I can’t totally put my finger on it, but I think it might be that praying can be so intimate. Like my spending time with Jesus just me and Him is such an important focus of my life, that I think it would be healthy to just keep that as that in a dating relationship so that it may help with clarity in my heart during personal prayer time. I love hearing everyone’s perspective though!
Tiffany!!! I can not say how much I appreciate your videos!!! I discovered your channel just a little while ago and was so thankful for the advice, and new knowledge I could take away from the videos I watched. Thank you for being bold enough, and honest enough to talk about just the normal stuff people don’t wanna say sometimes! It’s such an amazing reminder that even tho God is holy, and set apart from us, He is also interested, concerned, and with us in everyday things. Thank you!!!!
I think as a dating couple, officially boyfriend and girlfriend and it is seeming to be more serious, that prayer together and Bible study can be one of the most special things! Very encouraging, very bonding and also a great learning experience to see his/her views on biblical truth! For me it has been really helpful bc I love Jesus and I want to be with a man who is godly, knows the scriptures and who is able to pray about things bc prayer and knowing the word of God is very important to me. Maybe not something to do right away, but even for the friendship sake of building a relationship with someone, I think it is never a negative thing to do. Use your own discernment and don't go against personal conviction.
I’ve heard some people say praying together involves so much emotional intimacy that sometimes your body responds to that & it could make things more difficult if you’re waiting until marriage to have a more physical relationship. So some people don’t pray together before marriage for that reason. I don’t necessarily speak from that being a personal conviction, but I think that is valid. I think it’s up to what feels natural and works for your relationship while honoring God.
You guys are such a blessing. I really hope you know that. In the midst of all the toxicity that can exist inside Christian communities, you could quite literally be saving lives with your channel.
I'm a 20 year old male but I came across your channel by a recommendation because I'm planning on getting married most likely. Your videos, while targeted to women, are so honest and informative. I sent you an email about how you sent me back on the path towards God and forgiveness, but thank you very much. In just two days I have grown closer and more honestly/intimately with my girlfriend of a year. Gods best, Gavin L
I am so glad you are feeling better, Tiffany! I have been praying for you! I personally don't think I could pray alone with a boyfriend. I have a lot of personal issues and know I'm not healthy enough to be in a relationship now. I don't believe there is a right and wrong answer to that question. In my opinion, if you are going to try and pray with your s/o do it online or over the phone. I couldn't handle the temptation right now. I also don't believe in being alone behind closed doors with an s/o.
I love how empathetic you guys are! It really showed when you talked about how to use the I language instead of you language to really convey to the other person how their actions affect you. I'd never thought about it in such practical terms, but I think that sounds like a super useful tool. I think it's super important to be empathetic and to try to understand the perspectives of other people and especially those you love, so I really appreciate you emphasizing that in your video.
In regards to prayer in dating it seems that people here have many different ideas and I think that is healthy. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here, just what works. My girlfriend from last year and I would briefly pray and the end of our times together. In regards to "how much say" your boy/girlfriend should have in your life, that smacks of "control", more appropriate is "how free are they to voice their feelings about your behaviour". In my marriage this was a disaster. With my girlfriend last year this was great, she would give warning that she wanted to discuss something sensitive the next time we met. We would go for a walk and talk or sit somewhere or have a tea and chat and raise her concerns. We would discuss what we thought was going on and how things could be improved. As I cared for her I had no problems agreeing to work on things with the understanding that 100% perfection was not the goal but improvement was, this was helpful for me to learn a productive less violent way of handling conflict. If you have significant ongoing feelings for your boy/girlfriend and you want to say "I love you", say it, relationships require courage, to start, to progress and to end if necessary.:) Tiffany and James advice that, if after a significant amount of time, you have ongoing emotional problems with the other person not saying it, have a caring, gentle discussion about it, as emotions around this can be fragile for both genders...:) Finally for me, sharing stuff about your lives. Obviously at first, it's going to be about surface stuff, likes and dislikes, small behaviours you may have, that may already have been observed, that the other may be curious about, e.g. the way you laugh and/or catchphrase you say. However I agree with what others have said about having some serious discussion before making even a small commitment about continuing in exploring a relationship with each other. This would be about things that could be huge deal breakers, like, "when do I tell her about my kids". Keep in mind though that this can be a series of conversations, the whole lot doesn't need to be on the table all in one go. The other person may appreciate having time to process. So I might start with my horrendous behaviour that was a significant part of the end of my marriage, then move on to my prison time, then move on to what that was for, etc. etc. I could not have someone first decide to have a relationship with me then have me tell them this stuff, not the least because they could face negative reactions from friends and family just for dating me and so need to be certain that they want to progress with it. This is the way it worked with my girlfriend last year. Fortunately she was able to accept this, unfortunately she failed to develop romantic feelings for me which wasn't something she could control. Blessings in your life journey and I hope for successful fulfilling relationships with God, yourself and others for you all.:)
Interesting perspective on praying together. I think it’s because prayer is a very intimate thing and sometimes it can be too early for you to get that intimate with someone.
On couple bible study, my boyfriend and I do bible studies together and it helps keep our relationship centered on God. We typically do it over the phone, and it really helped us grow both individually, and as a couple. Now, our relationship has been serious from the beginning because we were friends for a while before dating, but since we are Christians and we both want to grow deeper into God's word, we saw it as a natural step. And logistically, he is one of the easiest people to coordinate with. Many of my other friends are hard to pull together for something like bible study.
I think it’s also really important to see the community the person you’re dating is involved in. Are they part of a solid church community? Strong leadership in their life? If you don’t see them or they don’t discuss their church community, how they are with the body of Christ/ their local church .. red flag. I’m not saying they have to be in ministry or anything but they need to have some sort of spiritual leadership, guidance in their life. It’s vital. They should not be dependant on you for their spiritual growth/wellness, that’s what the body of believers, the Word and a personal relationship w/ God is for
Tiffany Dawn I enjoy all of your videos, just so you know 🤗 because I think the same way both of you do, and I like that you say it in the most natural and casual way, which i love☺️. Btw, Tiffany I hope your health keeps getting better! Try to rest as much as you can!🙂🙏🏼
Hasn't James ever said "I Love You" to a sister, mom, grandma, etc.? Love shouldn't be hinged on only marriage relationships or only hyper-concentrated on them.
The context is deeeefinitely and fully only romantic relationships for this conversation portion. So he would have said it to other women in his life that he wasn't romantically interested Hence the reference to legalism which would not be applicable to familial or friendship relationships 🥰
I think that if you and your boyfriend want to pray together, go for it! If it's going to bring you closer to God and closer together, I don't see how it could be a bad thing. I think Tiffany's note on analyzing your heart and checking your own motives is important - if you're not doing it for the right reasons (like if you just want to do it to look like a better Christian or something) then maybe that could be the wrong motive, but if your desire really is to draw you and your boyfriend closer together and closer to God, then I think that's a great thing
Praying should never be odd. We pray with strangers all the time. Why not with the person we are pursuing? Yes we should also pray individually. Great video❤
My boyfriend and I pray like once a week together. We also used to do Bible studies together but I told him that it is too much for me, so we decided to sit down to pray together once a week (we also thank before we eat together). I think this is the perfect amount, because you don't start to depend spiritually on your partner so you still have your own relationship with God but this way you also grow spiritually together and strengthen the other person. It's so uplifting.🌟 But honestly I need to say that I feel the closest to God when I do my stuff alone (praying alone, reading the Bible alone,...). Like I sometimes do it with friends or my mum but I couldn't do it that often with others. So I think for me it wouldn't change when I'm getting married. I think I won't be able to pray with my husband every night or read the bible with him on a regular basis, etc. I know others do so and I think it's wonderful but I pray in silence and I think being alone and meditating is like the closest I am to God.
Hey Steph! I think I understand why that girl is asking if she should be praying on a regular basis with his boyfriend, and I personally believe that they shouldn’t, at least in the beginning of their relationship, specially if they didn’t know each other much before getting on that relationship (except for a very particular situation that might be coming up in one of their lives), and the reason I believe this is because it could create a false sense of intimacy or one of them could use that “spiritual” scenario to manipulate the other person, and even though it might seem a little extreme, I think it’s better to know the person and really take a look at their relationship with the Lord first, while at the same time you’re growing in your own relationship with the Lord and praying about your relationship and for that person so you can truly see what’s happening and be able to decide better
I needed to see this video. I have brokened all these boundaries. I am on my journey to learning how to have healthy relationships and this information is informative.
my boyfriend and i started to struggle with physical boundaries so now we do bible studies on the phone (we are long distance). It’s what keeps our conversations focused and our relationship focused
YESSS TIFF!!! I prayed for you girly! :) It’s funny, we are going through a dating series in my young adult group. My YA leader is for casual dating until you get more official. Maybe God is saying something even though I am not dating yet.
I grew up in the youth group where we were told that you shouldn't pray together as boyfriend and girlfriend. I always believed that and told myself that was a boundary I had for myself because it's what I was told I should do- not because I had allowed myself to really form my own opinion. 2 years ago I got into a long distance, cross-cultural relationship with a Nepali man. Very early on into our relationship, (a week at most,) he asked me if we could pray for each other before we ended our FaceTime call. I felt really uncomfortable about it but agreed because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. After we hung up I felt so guilty that I had just crossed a spiritual boundary I had set for myself. I sought godly counsel from my older sister and her perspective was that it's not a bad thing, and I don't want to hurt his feelings by making him feel like I don't want to pray for him. We continued it a handful of times (not making it a daily thing, but perhaps weekly) during the duration of our relationship and I was able to start seeing it as a really beautiful thing. I think there's a difference between praying together and praying for each other together. For me and my ex, praying for each other out loud allowed me to see more of the man of God that he is and understand more of where he is at in his walk with the Lord. I would absolutely agree that I don't believe it's healthy to do bible studies and devotionals together and in a way make it seem like you're holding each other accountable, because each person in the relationship is responsible for their own walk with Christ; it creates premature spiritual and emotional ties that are designed for marriage.
Same!! I recently started dating someone who was opposed to praying together and it blew my mind. The rational was about protecting from hurt and getting too deep too fast. I failed to see how praying w/ someone you’re dating was different from praying w/ a friend or in church setting, since prayer is first and foremost a conversation with an individual and God regardless of the context. The idea was so foreign to me yet so familiar to him. I‘m amazed at the difference of opinion people hold in this topic since it’s never something that I was taught out that crossed my mind.
I don't pray with my boyfriend every day but we do pray often. I've been in a relationship in which praying together felt very unnatural and happened rarely and I consider that a big red flag. You need to not only be equally yoked but relate to God in similar ways so that you both can understand each other spiritual and talk about things and be on the same page
I'm not sure I understand the issue behind praying together. As we pray together, don't we pray with EVERYONE on the level as brothers and sisters in Christ? Mentally we have our labels on certain relationships, but those don't... really exist in the afterlife? It's the only dynamic that has a stigma around praying together that I've encountered and something about that feels off.
I think it has more to do with an attraction turning one on one prayer into something really intimate. I would think it might be different if you’re praying in groups or in a more intentional way. But I think prayer can really bond you to another person in a way that may not be healthy in the beginning. I’ve known people that have used prayer to be emotionally manipulative to sort of this purposely force a bond that may not have been there otherwise.
AMAZING all or almost all of these questions I’ve been thinking through in regard to how mine and my boyfriend’s relationship should look. The topic of praying together has been a hard one cos I’ve felt some pressure that to not do it is almost settling for not God’s best and I’ve found that so tough, because we don’t pray together. It doesn’t make him not a Christian or less spiritual than other guys who are more keen to pray. We took a slightly different approach to covering big topics (this was my choice) where we aired all our baggage and big life ambitions and stuff right before we became official bf and gf but we knew we really liked each other. For me this just took the pressure off the idea of an immediate breakup. Like if we had not discussed that and got together then suddenly realised we were totally incomparable in those areas, I figured it would be slightly less messy to talk about it before. Fear might have been a motive for that and me trying to control the likelihood of breakup and not wanting to be hurt. But yeah this advice was so solid and refreshing compared to some Christian’s advice which I think puts so so much pressure on dating and stuff ❤️ thanks guys so wise x
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with this!! It’s such a good reminder that each relationship will look different and unique - that’s the beautiful thing about relationships. No two are the same! And definitely don’t feel bad if you and your bf don’t pray together right now. James and I rarely did either when we were dating. It’s just about what feels natural to each couple.
Me and my boyfriend have been praying and doing biblestudie together since we started dating and it has strengthing our relationship and our emotional bond. I believe God would want couples to do it this way because it helps the relationships to grow in a Godly way and a strong way, with Jesus in the middle as our foundation.
Love comes from the Lord and is modeled in His word. Praying together and for each other, as well as discussing thoughts and application of important passages is so important. I would also want to see if/how my bf can lead in those areas or if it's always me initiating. If you can say I love you to each other, you can (and in my opinion shoul) most definitely worship, pray, and read his word together. But whether dating or in marriage, your personal relationship with God comes first and fellowship is still necessary. I pray on my own, read and meditate on the word on my own, worship alone, listen to Christian based podcasts/content on my own, I have Christian friendships, and I have my own life group/bible study group outside of him that I attend. Balance is important.
I'm not saying first date material, but why wait until y'all are serious to find out who he is?? Ask the questions!! Don't wait until you are ready to fully commit to find out you aren't a fit for each other!
Broooooo! I needed this last year! I'm glad its here!!! Haha I was asking this question but couldn't find answers! I was so confused. Physical boundaries are so often talked about but emotional boundaries! Man! I was confused and totally repressed a lot of emotional stuff because of the lack of clarity! Thank you, Thank youuuuuuuuuu
Hi, I have followed your channel for a while now, and I really enjoy your videos. They have been really helpful for me in dos and do nots in dating. I would like to share some personal experience in doing a one-on-one Bible study with my boyfriend. I agree that it can appear unnatural and awkward sometimes, however, it actually works great with me and my boyfriend so far. We have almost weekly Bible study on a set time, each time we will have a discussion guideline, read the relevant verses, and take turns to discuss the questions. I have found this tremendously helpful as I know him on a deeper personal level over time. I guess it also has something to do with my somewhat unusual spiritual background. I am an international student in the US who converted to a Christian. I made the commitment to following Jesus so I would like my boyfriend to be a strong Christian as well. It became increasingly difficult nowadays to meet people organically, let alone for a foreigner who lives in a foreign country, so I went online. I think one downside of online dating is that there are so many small talks especially in the beginning stage, and small talks don't prepare you well for deciding whether the other person is truly the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. This is where the Bible study came into the picture. Both of us feel we know each other more and understand each other better in this format. It is also a way to show that we keep Christ the center of our relationship and take our faith seriously. Further, It challenges us to hold each other accountable in following Christ, reflect and grow spiritually together. Whether we end up together or not, I am grateful for this type of special fellowship. Again, this is just my personal opinion!! Thank you again for all the great videos you made!! They are blessings to many sisters and brothers.
I think praying together as boyfriend and girlfriend leads into what you said just a few minutes earlier, which was a false sense of intimacy. I believe in praying together, but you have to make sure you aren't mistaking prayer for emotional dependency. Prayer can be emotionally intimate!
I used to pray with my exboyfriend, it was his idea, but I really liked it. Several weeks before our break up it started to feel really pushy and not natural. I remember a moment few days before our break up, I asked him to pray with me (because that was something we did usually) and it was just so weird... he didn't join the prayer as he used to and I was feeling sooo bad... I definitely consider praying together in my next relationship 🙌
I am so glad you're up Tiff! I've been binge-watching your videos. I just felt like I just have to express my gladness that James doesn't have a channel of his own because then, he can frequently join your vids and help you make them in times Iike this! 💖🎉
Ah I love your videos so much! Thank you for being down to earth and awesome! I’m in a 5 month relationships after being single for ten years, and my bf has nearly the same story as me, and these videos are helpful. Thanks!
Also as long as he himself sees this as something that he also wants to change than its most likely that it will happen. You cant just think when you ask someone to change that they will.
Wonderful tips you guys! Thank you. But I have to tell you, that first of all, to get engaged with someone that never said that love you?? No, no and NO. I wouldn’t get engaged with a man that wasn’t able to express that loves me... to say and express that phrase to someone that you love and love you, for me personally, it’s very important... fundamental! And that would be no reason that can erase or convince me otherwise.
You probably wont see this but theres something im going through right now and i watched your old videos and its helping me through it thank you for making videos and doing what you do
With reading the bible/praying with an s/o, I see it as understanding where we both are in our walk. And honestly, if I stripped out all of the fleshly and worldly things, and look at the godly things in a relationship, praying with one another would be important. I know many people say that it adds an emotional bond, but you will form that bond with a friend and if you and that friend end up "breaking off" the friendship for whatever reason, it shouldn't make you stop from praying with people. I feel that praying with people who are yearning after God (and if I was in a relationship, I would want to make it as godly as possible), I would want to spend time with my s/o and pray and seek into God, find out His will for us, and trust in Him together.
Hi Tiffany! Can you and James do a video on when you feel drawn to a guy, but he has a girlfriend? What can you do? What can you pray to God about? I’m struggling with this right now.
I'm not trying to take you away from this channel, but I believe Ashley Empowers has multiple videos about this topic on her YT channel. Hope that helps!
I think that’s really important, you’d pray about every other big aspect of your life and this is huge so naturally pray about it too! Like you pray for your friends and family
Definitely! Honestly I think it’s totally fine if you want to pray together too. It’s just a personal preference. The important thing is looking for your relationship to progress naturally, rather than rushing it.
Ok - here’s the deal. I’m 28, and single. I have watched ALL of your videos on emotional boundaries and dating. After several recent experiences of myself and the guys I was dating going “too much too soon” with intimate life details, I can confirm your idea of this creating a false sense of intimacy. However, as an older and more mature person, and Christian, I am dating Christian men in their late 20s / early 30s. While I tend to not initiate (anymore) the super intimate conversations about our pasts and such, I’m realizing that the guys I’m dating are initiating these conversations. It usually flows naturally as one of the very first deep questions that tends to come up is about your testimony or your initial spark of faith in your life. That’s just a natural conversation topic as Christians. So, can you please explain how to handle this situation? Another dynamic here is that I’m not a huge fan of small talk. As an INFJ, I much prefer to connect with people through deeper conversations. This is true for all of my relationships in life, including friendships. So it’s definitely an act of the will for me to hold back from leading the conversations to intimate detail, but then to go beyond that and steer away from the conversation if my date brings it up - I’m not sure how to do that delicately without being insincere since my tendency is also to go there very quickly myself.
About the morningsickness: my doctor prescribed me ‘Emesafene’ and that was a lifesaver for me. My morningsickness was entirely gone. I don’t know if this is available in your country, but I really recommend it.
I personally would not pray with a guy I'm dating until we're pretty far along in a relationship. I think doing that could foster a sense of intimacy that isn't there yet or be a little bit fake or disingenuous since you don't really know them.
I'm so glad you are feeling better Tiffiany!!! I was wondering how much your friends and family especially parents have a say in someone you're dating? I've dated a few guys that their parents manipulated our time together and I was wondering how you handle parents that are over opinionated?
Oh my goodness SUCH a good question!! We actually have two videos that talk more about this: 1) When you don’t agree with your parents - ua-cam.com/video/PKe8RxmUvhU/v-deo.html 2) My parents don’t like my boyfriend - ua-cam.com/video/XZncqvHuDao/v-deo.html The titles sound a little different but I think those videos really touch in your question too 🤗
So interesting...my bf and I haven’t said ‘I love you’ yet and I was just discussing it with a friend yesterday. I tend more toward wanting to say it when we get engaged or late than sooner. And I think he wants to say it now. Haha, thanks for the advice.
That’s so good you and your boyfriend are talking about your different perspectives on it so you can figure out what works for you guys! Having thatdialogue is key 👏👏
Idk I just think you should spill it all out cuz it's like I should know all this before getting in a relationship with you . A relationship to me is me saying I see you as a husband one day.
I wondered about the praying and bible study one on one question too because it creates a spiritual bond with them. So If you are dating to see if marriage material then praying together one one one would show that spiritual compatibility. But that door might be too hot to handle in a dating level like how sexual purity is on a dating level which is why I am unsure about it
I think reading and discussing the Bible together is VERY good. You see how each other think and what they believe. You’re not changing views, you’re talking about opinions, ideas, and beliefs.
My response to the "don't do Bible studies or pray with your boyfriend" is this: Some years ago, there was this guy who came to our church and was leading Wednesday night bible studies. Just to be clear, me and this guy weren't dating or anything. I was mildly interested in him, but I never expressed that to him at the time. Anyway, this bible study was a smaller group. I think at most the group only got up to 10. But one day when I think other people who would usually go just forgot that there was a bible study. I think it was because the time or day had changed, but I don't remember. Regardless, I had remembered that the time had changed, and so I was walking to church (it was walking distance from my house). And this guy saw me and picked me up. When we got to the church, we sat in his car with the A/C on. It was sort of awkward at first, but we got to talking. Eventually, we started studying the bible together. And it didn't feel awkward to me. However, eventually (on a different day) the pastor's wife heard about he and I studying the bible alone in the car, and way later on, I heard she sort of told him something about it, but didn't tell me anything, and he sort of pulled away from me but I didn't know why - it was a sort of messy situation because of the lack of communication. It had bothered me a long time that I could have had a nice friendship (or potentially a romantic relationship) with this guy, but things got abruptly interrupted because of this messy communication issue. It doesn't bother me anymore because I know that guy wasn't the one God had for me anyways, and I eventually I came to realize that if he really was the one I was supposed to marry, God would have found some way to bring him back into my life. But he was never meant to be "the one" so I'm fine with it now. Either way, for those pastor's wives (or anyone else for that matter) who are reading this, and you do see a problem with two people of the opposite sex having a bible study or prayer alone together, if you say something to one of them, please say something to both of them. Don't leave either one out in the dark. Actually, maybe sit both of them down and gently discuss with them your views on the situation kindly and lovingly (NOT forcibly). Please, DO NOT leave either out in the dark. If you do, the other will become confused as to why that other person suddenly started pulling away. This lack of communication just brings about unnecessary drama and anxiety. Please, please communicate your views properly if you find yourself in this situation!! That being said, no, I don't think there's anything wrong with having a bible study alone or praying alone with someone of the opposite sex. I don't think it always has to be awkward. For one thing, whether or not it feels awkward to pray or have bible study alone, or to not do those things, is dependent on the people involved. For some people it could feel awkward, but for others, not so much. For instance, say it's a couple where they are on the same page spiritually and they both agree to seek God together in prayer to see if it is His will for them to court or date each other, and they're just genuinely seeking God's will. In this situation, they just really want God to be involved in their relationship and the mate selection process - There's nothing wrong with that if that's where their heart is. It also depends on the relationship. I can see how it might be awkward for couples where they started dating as practically strangers or vague acquaintances but that is not always the case. For instance, say there's two people where they were best friends first for a long time before even considering a romantic relationship. For that couple, it might be perfectly comfortable and normal for them to pray or have a bible study, even on their first date. I don't see an issue with that. If it comes natural for them to do so, so be it. One thing I will say, just don't force it. OHHH Also, if someone claims that you should not be studying the bible alone or praying alone, please, please, study the bible yourself, (WITHIN CONTEXT) so that you're prepared to have your own convictions. There are too many church leaders that want to act like the "spiritual parent" over their congregants on certain things - this issue being one of them. But God has the final Word on what He meant in His Word. If someone claims it's wrong for a single woman and man to pray or have bible study alone together, test what they say against Scripture. Is it truly wrong, or is that merely their own opinion? That's an answer you need to know for yourself. I'm not saying you have to talk back to them or have a heated debate with them. I'm just saying, know what the Word says, IN CONTEXT for yourself so that even if someone tells you something that actually goes against scripture, you can have the inner peace of thinking, "okay, that's their opinion, but, this is what the Bible actually says (in context), so I know to take what they say with a grain of salt."
I think that theology should DEFINITELY be discussed on the first date. I believe you should date with the intent to marry, so you should discuss theology and make sure you agree on important things. (In my opinion, you should already know what he or she believes in before you go on a first date or dating in general) Don't be unequally yoked!!!
YES. Girl I have a LIST of important “must cover ASAP” items. What his daily walk with the Lord looks like; does he actively attend, serve at, and give to his church; his politics; his relationships with immediate family; life direction; and his Myers-Briggs/Enneagram😂 personality stuff is just for funsies, but the rest of that stuff is super important to me, so I’d rather hit all that on the first date. Also, if I don’t know the guy’s life goals and passions until later in the game, what am I gonna do if I “suddenly” find out he wants to live overseas indefinitely, while I’ve always pictured myself living within an hour of my hometown? Super jarring😅
I just realized that my brother also watches your chanel which is amzing. But I was thinking maybe James could get his own channel or do some more videos on your channel adressed to guys? Love your channel :D
What do you do when you’re a single person and you’re in your 60s & have been deeply hurt by abusive relationships. Don’t even know how to heal myself correctly. I blew that too soon. Not worthy of my trust. Too late! 💔🥺you can see by my emojis that I’m still hurt.
Yes praying and studying together. I'd suggest in a public place. For myself I need to know where he is in his relationship with Christ as he should know mine as well . As for the I love you ekkk. Meaning more than friend or brother in the Lord ... its something that need serious prayer . Has to mean more than a warm fuzzy feeling. Unconditional love takes time and work. It's a gift I don't say casually anymore. Ya'll give good advice.
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
About the praying one.....the important thing is for you to understand that your relationship with Christ is very personal, and should not depend on your boyfriend
YES!!! This is such good advice!!
yess so completely agree!! that's why it's good to have time just with God on your own when in a relationship. that goes for dating or married.
Well yah praying and the bible reading should happen because I mean it's like saying we shouldn't go on walks together? It's an activity you like doing by yourself and with others. Also dating is how you will kinda be when your married so you wanna practice seeing one another in prayer and the bible so your like yup if I see this now than I'm glad it will happen in the future too.
How are you going to see that part of them then being with God if you don't do it together?
If you do bible studies together like what if it just you two. You don't got no friends lol
And like again if you both not doing it now why would you think that when you married you will do it? Like I just think how a person acts and there lifestyle makes you wanna see like hey is this husband material or not ? How a person is currently they will be the same in the future. So again you want to see those things to make sure that up u can rely on that to happen in the future.
I asked my current boyfriend to pray for us at the end of our first date and I’m SO glad we did because it became very normal for us very early. We’ve been together for over a year now and still pray together everyday
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with that! It sounds like that was a really natural extension of your relationship for you guys!
These were really great questions! I'm in my first dating relationship and my boyfriend and I frequently pray, discuss the Bible, as well as other Christian books. I will say, we met through our young adult Bible study and are both youth leaders. My warning would be for young Christians or those that don't regularly study the Bible on their own or with a mentor. You don't want your spiritual health to be dependent on your SO. In my case, it's given us good discussions and grown my confidence in how he would prioritize these things in a marriage. Also I love how we can challenge each other. Thank you so much for sharing your perspectives!
Oh my goodness this is SUCH a great perspective on this question!!!
PSA: MEN, DON’T BRING UP MARRIAGE WITHIN THE FIRST THREE WEEKS. Yes, I’m dating for the purpose of finding a spouse too, but hearing you say “marriage,” or “if we get married,” or hearing you verbalize serious hypothetical future scenarios... like okay maybe around 6mo you can start EASING your way into those kinds of conversations. But hearing that stuff within the first month of dating is way too much, way too soon. And stuff like- ok let me just give an example: I had mentioned something related to my period to my then-boyfriend (2 weeks into dating or something), and he’d responded with “Well, I’m glad you have a regular period, because that indicates good fertility. As a husband, I’d want my wife to be fertile and be able to bear my children.” Like yeeeeah that’s technically correct, but if you’ve only been dating a couple weeks, associating your girl with “my wife” like that (and with a more intimate topic) in the same breath is intimidating😅
@wnc817 Yeah, I wouldn't bring up my period in the first couple of weeks, either. If I'm not feeling well because of it, I'd just say I don't feel well and leave it at that.
@wnc817 yeah so context- a day or two before, we were gonna do something, but then I was like "actually, not feeling well" over text and he'd asked what was up (it was also flu season), and I told him as discreetly as I could. He had sisters, he had family members in the medical field, he understood completely, it wasn't a big deal. And then when we *did* eventually meet up, he asked me how I was feeling -- and I still didn't think it'd be a big deal -- and that was when he made said comment lol
@@missprincessd1842 definitely hear you!! I feel like it also depends on how well you know the person already, or if they'd be the type to be cool with it regardless of "how early" the topic comes up (ex. if the guy/his family was in the medical field, as was the case here haha). As an aside, I was 22, he was 27-- at that point, if a dude's still uncomfortable with hearing about or talking about periods in general, then personally he's not for me hahah
@@jennabetters Good point with the context! I'm sure he was familiar with far more "interesting" (ie. scary for me) medical stories! Lol.
MissPrincessD girl I feel that!!! The only blood I can handle is my own😂😂😂
I have friends from church and we will sometimes pray together one-on-one if one of us is upset or talking about something deep, and I feel like in that circumstance it makes perfect sense to pray with a boyfriend. I also think praying before meals is fair game. Sometimes it seems like people try to make these "rules" that can take the joy out of Godly dating. I don't really do one-on-one Bible studies with friends, so I feel like it would be weird to study the Bible alone with a boyfriend. I'm so glad you guys talk so honestly about healthy and realistic boundaries and empower others to think through what they've been taught and whether or not it's actually fruitful. And so thankful you're feeling better Tiffany!
This is such a great perspective - thank you for sharing this!! I agree - rules about things like this aren’t helpful, because it’ll look different for different people. The important thing is to pay attention to what feels natural to each couple, and let the relationship progress naturally without rushing it.
As Christians we can all pray together! Lol
True AMEN
I prayed with my bf and we had Bible studies together. We also went to Bible studies at church together. Reading and then talking about what we were getting out of that passage really helped me get to know him better, how he thought, and see his understanding of the Bible and what God wants of us. It is one of the things that helped me see we were not right for each other. We would read something and disagree about salvation issues or just Biblical differences that we didn't see eye to eye on.
Wow thank you for sharing this! This is such a great perspective to keep in mind!!
@T Collins Great question. That is complicated to answer. So right after we had broken up, it was really hard when the times we had a routine of Bible study and prayer came and we weren't doing that anymore. Do I have a soul tie with him though? surprisingly no I don't. We were together for 4 months, that answer might of changed if we had broken up way later in the relationship. I don't know. We also had good reason to break up (Biblical reason) so that helps. Breakups hurt no matter what.
I do know what you are talking about because I think I might have experienced it before, but with a guy friend.
I have little experience in dating relationships, but from what I do know, for me personally, I need to read the Bible and pray with the person I am dating to marry. I need to know that the person is actively seeking God and pushing me to do the same.
Maybe that means not having a daily bible/pray routine but maybe a weekly one. both should each maintain their own relationship with God apart from the dating relationship of course.
Yes, reading the Bible together early on can reveal some things to you. The person beliefs and how they view the Bible.
For me personally i prefer to first get to know the person, his faith, his goals and points of view in important aspects, and then decide- based on personality e.g- If i want to date this person, cause If I 've already grown attached to them and spent time, I can be biased on the important things, or It might make It difficult to get away from them If they are not good to me. But its Just my opinion
I love this. I agree.
WOW. So good
Hi, divorced woman here. When my ex husband and I were dating he did not want to have couples devotions. This kept me from truly seeing his relationship with God and we were not able to grow in this together as a married couple. On the other hand, in my last relationship, we prayed together and read the Bible together on a regular basis. This helped us grow individually in our walk with God and served as jumping off point for more growth when we broke up. I am so thankful for that relationship because it helped me grow closer to God and I think we left each other better people.
Thank you so much for this video! You and James are so encouraging and real. I think we can get so caught up in the "rights and wrongs" of relationships that we forget that there isn't a perfect formula to follow on any of these topics. Your relationship isn't doomed to fail because you don't pray together every single day while you're dating, and your relationship isn't guaranteed to be amazing even if you do. Every relationship looks so so different, and that's a beautiful reminder that love can be expressed in a million different ways.
Just seeing the thumbnail I was so excited to see you sitting! So glad you're feeling better, really makes you appreciate the mundane things God gives us that we tend to overlook (Like sitting!)
That’s so true - it really does!!
I don’t think couples should pray together until engagement/marriage. There is an intimacy and vulnerability that is in your spiritual life and I think it should be separate from your who you’re dating. Praying for your significant other in your own prayer time is the best way to protect your heart ❤️
adysonjetta amen, I agree! :)
Of course, each individual has different convictions tho.
Coco yes of course!!
Emphasis on the word “think”! I know every couple will make the best decision for them :)
How about “bless our food Lord - “ type of prayers on dates? But may be a bit personal?
For me it is so important to pray together with my boyfriend and to read the bible with him because it helps us to focus our relationship on God. His thoughts on different passages are often inspiring and help me to reflect on my faith live.
Prayer with someone of the opposite sex can be extremely detrimental if you’re not careful (speaking from personal experience here). You develop that soul tie and if it doesn’t work out...man that’s hard to navigate and break away from. Please be wise if you like someone, or are getting to know them on a deeper level, when you pray together. Don’t be afraid to be honest with them either so they know why you want to wait to pray together.
What about still praying together after you've broken up?
Re: Praying together/doing bible study one on one
I actually think that this goes into the spiritual boundaries category! In the same way that there needs to be physical and emotional boundaries in a relationship, there needs to be spiritual boundaries as well - because they are all connected! The point is that you don't want to accelerate intimacy beyond a natural and/or wise pace. In the same way that different people/relationships have different boundaries physically and emotionally, there are varying levels of spiritual boundaries as well, but as a rule of thumb I would always say that we need to guard our hearts. For me, that means that I am not actively seeking out times to pray with guys (I am not dating anyone at the moment but I have a lot of male friends), and when I do it is always because the Spirit prompted me to do so. I love my guy friends, and I pray for them constantly in my one-on-one conversations with God, but praying together is very intimate, and so I only do it when I am specifically led by the Spirit to do so. Prayer causes connection when you are praying with a friend and other believer, and so I try to be careful who I am tying myself to.
I enjoy praying with my boyfriend so much, also reading the bible brings us closer. Especially if you feel temptation to physically go further, it helps to focus on God and pray to him.
Also it's weird for me that saying I love you is such a big deal in the US, I don't know why. In Germany it's something you do when you are in a relationship but people don't even think about making a big deal about it.
Same in Korea. People say I love you one month into relationships
they’re definitely the cool parents LMAO
I just felt so healed by your goal statement at the beginning of the video Tiffany. My first dating experience in the church was one of the most anxiety-ridden experiences I’ve ever had in my life and it was so debilitating...leaders/mentors in the church should not be forcing their idea of “correct boundaries” on other couples. I really think every individual has to wrestle with God and figure it out for themselves...
I think I agree with not doing one on one bible studies when dating. For me personally, I feel like if I were to do that & then split up with my boyfriend, every time I would read the bible I would be reminded of him!
Sophie that’s so true!
When my boyfriend and I started praying together, it was uncomfortable, but now (we are 2 years together) it feels so so so good. We love to talk to God about our relationship and struggles. To do that together makes us feel more connected and powerful :)
I just started dating my boyfriend a few days before quarantine started, and we've started doing a weekly devotion. Our relationship was a long time coming, and we were pretty sure right away that we are going to get married, and so for us, it's a bit different. However, my immediate family also went through some major medical emergencies this summer in addition to all the stresses of quarantine, and so praying together over the phone while I was waiting for news and things were happening really quickly was a way that my boyfriend was/is able to be with me and we were able to grow stronger together while I was stretched so thin and stressed.....and seven hours away. I think each couple should evaluate where they are in the relationship and what other special circumstances are there before praying or doing a devotion together, but I also know how beneficial and important that was for us.
I LOVE that you talked about praying together!! I’ve thought about this a lot cuz I have heard many different things. I can’t totally put my finger on it, but I think it might be that praying can be so intimate. Like my spending time with Jesus just me and Him is such an important focus of my life, that I think it would be healthy to just keep that as that in a dating relationship so that it may help with clarity in my heart during personal prayer time. I love hearing everyone’s perspective though!
Tiffany!!! I can not say how much I appreciate your videos!!! I discovered your channel just a little while ago and was so thankful for the advice, and new knowledge I could take away from the videos I watched. Thank you for being bold enough, and honest enough to talk about just the normal stuff people don’t wanna say sometimes! It’s such an amazing reminder that even tho God is holy, and set apart from us, He is also interested, concerned, and with us in everyday things. Thank you!!!!
I think as a dating couple, officially boyfriend and girlfriend and it is seeming to be more serious, that prayer together and Bible study can be one of the most special things! Very encouraging, very bonding and also a great learning experience to see his/her views on biblical truth! For me it has been really helpful bc I love Jesus and I want to be with a man who is godly, knows the scriptures and who is able to pray about things bc prayer and knowing the word of God is very important to me. Maybe not something to do right away, but even for the friendship sake of building a relationship with someone, I think it is never a negative thing to do. Use your own discernment and don't go against personal conviction.
Ahhh I clicked soooo fast!! Also so glad you felt well enough to sit up!!😄❤
I’ve heard some people say praying together involves so much emotional intimacy that sometimes your body responds to that & it could make things more difficult if you’re waiting until marriage to have a more physical relationship. So some people don’t pray together before marriage for that reason.
I don’t necessarily speak from that being a personal conviction, but I think that is valid.
I think it’s up to what feels natural and works for your relationship while honoring God.
You guys are such a blessing. I really hope you know that. In the midst of all the toxicity that can exist inside Christian communities, you could quite literally be saving lives with your channel.
I'm a 20 year old male but I came across your channel by a recommendation because I'm planning on getting married most likely. Your videos, while targeted to women, are so honest and informative. I sent you an email about how you sent me back on the path towards God and forgiveness, but thank you very much. In just two days I have grown closer and more honestly/intimately with my girlfriend of a year.
Gods best,
Gavin L
I am so glad you are feeling better, Tiffany! I have been praying for you! I personally don't think I could pray alone with a boyfriend. I have a lot of personal issues and know I'm not healthy enough to be in a relationship now. I don't believe there is a right and wrong answer to that question. In my opinion, if you are going to try and pray with your s/o do it online or over the phone. I couldn't handle the temptation right now. I also don't believe in being alone behind closed doors with an s/o.
I love how empathetic you guys are! It really showed when you talked about how to use the I language instead of you language to really convey to the other person how their actions affect you. I'd never thought about it in such practical terms, but I think that sounds like a super useful tool. I think it's super important to be empathetic and to try to understand the perspectives of other people and especially those you love, so I really appreciate you emphasizing that in your video.
In regards to prayer in dating it seems that people here have many different ideas and I think that is healthy. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here, just what works. My girlfriend from last year and I would briefly pray and the end of our times together.
In regards to "how much say" your boy/girlfriend should have in your life, that smacks of "control", more appropriate is "how free are they to voice their feelings about your behaviour". In my marriage this was a disaster. With my girlfriend last year this was great, she would give warning that she wanted to discuss something sensitive the next time we met. We would go for a walk and talk or sit somewhere or have a tea and chat and raise her concerns. We would discuss what we thought was going on and how things could be improved. As I cared for her I had no problems agreeing to work on things with the understanding that 100% perfection was not the goal but improvement was, this was helpful for me to learn a productive less violent way of handling conflict.
If you have significant ongoing feelings for your boy/girlfriend and you want to say "I love you", say it, relationships require courage, to start, to progress and to end if necessary.:) Tiffany and James advice that, if after a significant amount of time, you have ongoing emotional problems with the other person not saying it, have a caring, gentle discussion about it, as emotions around this can be fragile for both genders...:)
Finally for me, sharing stuff about your lives. Obviously at first, it's going to be about surface stuff, likes and dislikes, small behaviours you may have, that may already have been observed, that the other may be curious about, e.g. the way you laugh and/or catchphrase you say. However I agree with what others have said about having some serious discussion before making even a small commitment about continuing in exploring a relationship with each other. This would be about things that could be huge deal breakers, like, "when do I tell her about my kids". Keep in mind though that this can be a series of conversations, the whole lot doesn't need to be on the table all in one go. The other person may appreciate having time to process. So I might start with my horrendous behaviour that was a significant part of the end of my marriage, then move on to my prison time, then move on to what that was for, etc. etc. I could not have someone first decide to have a relationship with me then have me tell them this stuff, not the least because they could face negative reactions from friends and family just for dating me and so need to be certain that they want to progress with it. This is the way it worked with my girlfriend last year. Fortunately she was able to accept this, unfortunately she failed to develop romantic feelings for me which wasn't something she could control.
Blessings in your life journey and I hope for successful fulfilling relationships with God, yourself and others for you all.:)
Interesting perspective on praying together. I think it’s because prayer is a very intimate thing and sometimes it can be too early for you to get that intimate with someone.
On couple bible study, my boyfriend and I do bible studies together and it helps keep our relationship centered on God. We typically do it over the phone, and it really helped us grow both individually, and as a couple. Now, our relationship has been serious from the beginning because we were friends for a while before dating, but since we are Christians and we both want to grow deeper into God's word, we saw it as a natural step. And logistically, he is one of the easiest people to coordinate with. Many of my other friends are hard to pull together for something like bible study.
I think it’s also really important to see the community the person you’re dating is involved in. Are they part of a solid church community? Strong leadership in their life?
If you don’t see them or they don’t discuss their church community, how they are with the body of Christ/ their local church .. red flag. I’m not saying they have to be in ministry or anything but they need to have some sort of spiritual leadership, guidance in their life. It’s vital. They should not be dependant on you for their spiritual growth/wellness, that’s what the body of believers, the Word and a personal relationship w/ God is for
Not dating at the moment, but it is always great to listen to you guys and think those topics with you... it super intresting!❤️
So glad you enjoyed it!😍
Tiffany Dawn I enjoy all of your videos, just so you know 🤗 because I think the same way both of you do, and I like that you say it in the most natural and casual way, which i love☺️.
Btw, Tiffany I hope your health keeps getting better! Try to rest as much as you can!🙂🙏🏼
Hasn't James ever said "I Love You" to a sister, mom, grandma, etc.? Love shouldn't be hinged on only marriage relationships or only hyper-concentrated on them.
The context is deeeefinitely and fully only romantic relationships for this conversation portion. So he would have said it to other women in his life that he wasn't romantically interested
Hence the reference to legalism which would not be applicable to familial or friendship relationships 🥰
My last relationship was REALLY wonky emotionally. This video is super helpful!!
I think that if you and your boyfriend want to pray together, go for it! If it's going to bring you closer to God and closer together, I don't see how it could be a bad thing. I think Tiffany's note on analyzing your heart and checking your own motives is important - if you're not doing it for the right reasons (like if you just want to do it to look like a better Christian or something) then maybe that could be the wrong motive, but if your desire really is to draw you and your boyfriend closer together and closer to God, then I think that's a great thing
Praying should never be odd. We pray with strangers all the time. Why not with the person we are pursuing? Yes we should also pray individually.
Great video❤
My boyfriend and I pray like once a week together. We also used to do Bible studies together but I told him that it is too much for me, so we decided to sit down to pray together once a week (we also thank before we eat together). I think this is the perfect amount, because you don't start to depend spiritually on your partner so you still have your own relationship with God but this way you also grow spiritually together and strengthen the other person. It's so uplifting.🌟 But honestly I need to say that I feel the closest to God when I do my stuff alone (praying alone, reading the Bible alone,...). Like I sometimes do it with friends or my mum but I couldn't do it that often with others. So I think for me it wouldn't change when I'm getting married. I think I won't be able to pray with my husband every night or read the bible with him on a regular basis, etc. I know others do so and I think it's wonderful but I pray in silence and I think being alone and meditating is like the closest I am to God.
Hey Steph! I think I understand why that girl is asking if she should be praying on a regular basis with his boyfriend, and I personally believe that they shouldn’t, at least in the beginning of their relationship, specially if they didn’t know each other much before getting on that relationship (except for a very particular situation that might be coming up in one of their lives), and the reason I believe this is because it could create a false sense of intimacy or one of them could use that “spiritual” scenario to manipulate the other person, and even though it might seem a little extreme, I think it’s better to know the person and really take a look at their relationship with the Lord first, while at the same time you’re growing in your own relationship with the Lord and praying about your relationship and for that person so you can truly see what’s happening and be able to decide better
just found your channel, absolutely love how God is the center of your relationship and Marriage.
I needed to see this video. I have brokened all these boundaries. I am on my journey to learning how to have healthy relationships and this information is informative.
That is such a great journey to be on - to learn how to have healthy relationships.🙌🙌
my boyfriend and i started to struggle with physical boundaries so now we do bible studies on the phone (we are long distance). It’s what keeps our conversations focused and our relationship focused
YESSS TIFF!!! I prayed for you girly! :)
It’s funny, we are going through a dating series in my young adult group. My YA leader is for casual dating until you get more official. Maybe God is saying something even though I am not dating yet.
man do i love when a girl calls a girl girly ;)
I grew up in the youth group where we were told that you shouldn't pray together as boyfriend and girlfriend. I always believed that and told myself that was a boundary I had for myself because it's what I was told I should do- not because I had allowed myself to really form my own opinion. 2 years ago I got into a long distance, cross-cultural relationship with a Nepali man. Very early on into our relationship, (a week at most,) he asked me if we could pray for each other before we ended our FaceTime call. I felt really uncomfortable about it but agreed because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. After we hung up I felt so guilty that I had just crossed a spiritual boundary I had set for myself. I sought godly counsel from my older sister and her perspective was that it's not a bad thing, and I don't want to hurt his feelings by making him feel like I don't want to pray for him. We continued it a handful of times (not making it a daily thing, but perhaps weekly) during the duration of our relationship and I was able to start seeing it as a really beautiful thing. I think there's a difference between praying together and praying for each other together. For me and my ex, praying for each other out loud allowed me to see more of the man of God that he is and understand more of where he is at in his walk with the Lord. I would absolutely agree that I don't believe it's healthy to do bible studies and devotionals together and in a way make it seem like you're holding each other accountable, because each person in the relationship is responsible for their own walk with Christ; it creates premature spiritual and emotional ties that are designed for marriage.
I love your videos like this! They’re so raw and real! 🥰 I’m a UA-camr, and I am also faith/Christian-related. Love you guys so much! 🥰
Yess! Go check out Cay's channel! More people need to hear her messages!😊
Zuzana Niedelová wow! Thanks so much for that kind comment! That made me smile!! 😁❤️
Great questions! I totally agree that prayer is something that should be a part of a relationship
I literally had no idea people had issues with praying with their S/O before marriage lol, I would have never thought to put limits on it
Same!! I recently started dating someone who was opposed to praying together and it blew my mind. The rational was about protecting from hurt and getting too deep too fast. I failed to see how praying w/ someone you’re dating was different from praying w/ a friend or in church setting, since prayer is first and foremost a conversation with an individual and God regardless of the context. The idea was so foreign to me yet so familiar to him. I‘m amazed at the difference of opinion people hold in this topic since it’s never something that I was taught out that crossed my mind.
I don't pray with my boyfriend every day but we do pray often. I've been in a relationship in which praying together felt very unnatural and happened rarely and I consider that a big red flag. You need to not only be equally yoked but relate to God in similar ways so that you both can understand each other spiritual and talk about things and be on the same page
I'm not sure I understand the issue behind praying together. As we pray together, don't we pray with EVERYONE on the level as brothers and sisters in Christ? Mentally we have our labels on certain relationships, but those don't... really exist in the afterlife? It's the only dynamic that has a stigma around praying together that I've encountered and something about that feels off.
I think it has more to do with an attraction turning one on one prayer into something really intimate. I would think it might be different if you’re praying in groups or in a more intentional way. But I think prayer can really bond you to another person in a way that may not be healthy in the beginning.
I’ve known people that have used prayer to be emotionally manipulative to sort of this purposely force a bond that may not have been there otherwise.
AMAZING all or almost all of these questions I’ve been thinking through in regard to how mine and my boyfriend’s relationship should look. The topic of praying together has been a hard one cos I’ve felt some pressure that to not do it is almost settling for not God’s best and I’ve found that so tough, because we don’t pray together. It doesn’t make him not a Christian or less spiritual than other guys who are more keen to pray. We took a slightly different approach to covering big topics (this was my choice) where we aired all our baggage and big life ambitions and stuff right before we became official bf and gf but we knew we really liked each other. For me this just took the pressure off the idea of an immediate breakup. Like if we had not discussed that and got together then suddenly realised we were totally incomparable in those areas, I figured it would be slightly less messy to talk about it before. Fear might have been a motive for that and me trying to control the likelihood of breakup and not wanting to be hurt. But yeah this advice was so solid and refreshing compared to some Christian’s advice which I think puts so so much pressure on dating and stuff ❤️ thanks guys so wise x
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with this!! It’s such a good reminder that each relationship will look different and unique - that’s the beautiful thing about relationships. No two are the same! And definitely don’t feel bad if you and your bf don’t pray together right now. James and I rarely did either when we were dating. It’s just about what feels natural to each couple.
Me and my boyfriend have been praying and doing biblestudie together since we started dating and it has strengthing our relationship and our emotional bond. I believe God would want couples to do it this way because it helps the relationships to grow in a Godly way and a strong way, with Jesus in the middle as our foundation.
Love comes from the Lord and is modeled in His word. Praying together and for each other, as well as discussing thoughts and application of important passages is so important. I would also want to see if/how my bf can lead in those areas or if it's always me initiating. If you can say I love you to each other, you can (and in my opinion shoul) most definitely worship, pray, and read his word together.
But whether dating or in marriage, your personal relationship with God comes first and fellowship is still necessary. I pray on my own, read and meditate on the word on my own, worship alone, listen to Christian based podcasts/content on my own, I have Christian friendships, and I have my own life group/bible study group outside of him that I attend. Balance is important.
I'm not saying first date material, but why wait until y'all are serious to find out who he is?? Ask the questions!! Don't wait until you are ready to fully commit to find out you aren't a fit for each other!
Broooooo! I needed this last year! I'm glad its here!!! Haha I was asking this question but couldn't find answers! I was so confused. Physical boundaries are so often talked about but emotional boundaries! Man! I was confused and totally repressed a lot of emotional stuff because of the lack of clarity! Thank you, Thank youuuuuuuuuu
Hi, I have followed your channel for a while now, and I really enjoy your videos. They have been really helpful for me in dos and do nots in dating. I would like to share some personal experience in doing a one-on-one Bible study with my boyfriend. I agree that it can appear unnatural and awkward sometimes, however, it actually works great with me and my boyfriend so far. We have almost weekly Bible study on a set time, each time we will have a discussion guideline, read the relevant verses, and take turns to discuss the questions. I have found this tremendously helpful as I know him on a deeper personal level over time. I guess it also has something to do with my somewhat unusual spiritual background. I am an international student in the US who converted to a Christian. I made the commitment to following Jesus so I would like my boyfriend to be a strong Christian as well. It became increasingly difficult nowadays to meet people organically, let alone for a foreigner who lives in a foreign country, so I went online. I think one downside of online dating is that there are so many small talks especially in the beginning stage, and small talks don't prepare you well for deciding whether the other person is truly the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. This is where the Bible study came into the picture. Both of us feel we know each other more and understand each other better in this format. It is also a way to show that we keep Christ the center of our relationship and take our faith seriously. Further, It challenges us to hold each other accountable in following Christ, reflect and grow spiritually together. Whether we end up together or not, I am grateful for this type of special fellowship. Again, this is just my personal opinion!! Thank you again for all the great videos you made!! They are blessings to many sisters and brothers.
Love your video! Happy you're well enough to sit! God bless you guys.
Ahh thank you!!🙈🙈
You're welcome and thank you!
Yay! Thank you guys for the best dating advice!!💖🤗
I seriously love seeing your comments on so many channels! You truly are such a light! God bless you, girl! 😊
Tiffany! Your videos are GOLD.
I think praying together as boyfriend and girlfriend leads into what you said just a few minutes earlier, which was a false sense of intimacy. I believe in praying together, but you have to make sure you aren't mistaking prayer for emotional dependency. Prayer can be emotionally intimate!
I used to pray with my exboyfriend, it was his idea, but I really liked it. Several weeks before our break up it started to feel really pushy and not natural. I remember a moment few days before our break up, I asked him to pray with me (because that was something we did usually) and it was just so weird... he didn't join the prayer as he used to and I was feeling sooo bad... I definitely consider praying together in my next relationship 🙌
Glad you’re feeling better today!
Excited for this!
I am so glad you're up Tiff! I've been binge-watching your videos. I just felt like I just have to express my gladness that James doesn't have a channel of his own because then, he can frequently join your vids and help you make them in times Iike this! 💖🎉
Ah I love your videos so much! Thank you for being down to earth and awesome! I’m in a 5 month relationships after being single for ten years, and my bf has nearly the same story as me, and these videos are helpful. Thanks!
Also as long as he himself sees this as something that he also wants to change than its most likely that it will happen. You cant just think when you ask someone to change that they will.
Wonderful tips you guys! Thank you. But I have to tell you, that first of all, to get engaged with someone that never said that love you?? No, no and NO. I wouldn’t get engaged with a man that wasn’t able to express that loves me... to say and express that phrase to someone that you love and love you, for me personally, it’s very important... fundamental! And that would be no reason that can erase or convince me otherwise.
I agree!! It's so important to be able to say "I love you"! Thankfully James said that before we got engaged!
You probably wont see this but theres something im going through right now and i watched your old videos and its helping me through it thank you for making videos and doing what you do
This was so good!!!! So helpful!
With reading the bible/praying with an s/o, I see it as understanding where we both are in our walk. And honestly, if I stripped out all of the fleshly and worldly things, and look at the godly things in a relationship, praying with one another would be important. I know many people say that it adds an emotional bond, but you will form that bond with a friend and if you and that friend end up "breaking off" the friendship for whatever reason, it shouldn't make you stop from praying with people. I feel that praying with people who are yearning after God (and if I was in a relationship, I would want to make it as godly as possible), I would want to spend time with my s/o and pray and seek into God, find out His will for us, and trust in Him together.
Hi Tiffany! Can you and James do a video on when you feel drawn to a guy, but he has a girlfriend? What can you do? What can you pray to God about? I’m struggling with this right now.
I'm not trying to take you away from this channel, but I believe Ashley Empowers has multiple videos about this topic on her YT channel. Hope that helps!
So glad you're feeling better and the morning sickness is letting up a little!
But praying for each other separately is fine, right?
I think that’s really important, you’d pray about every other big aspect of your life and this is huge so naturally pray about it too! Like you pray for your friends and family
Definitely! Honestly I think it’s totally fine if you want to pray together too. It’s just a personal preference. The important thing is looking for your relationship to progress naturally, rather than rushing it.
I totally agree!! Thanks for answering!
To pray is to get spiritual food. I have no problem pray together - just like to go grab food together.
Ok - here’s the deal. I’m 28, and single. I have watched ALL of your videos on emotional boundaries and dating. After several recent experiences of myself and the guys I was dating going “too much too soon” with intimate life details, I can confirm your idea of this creating a false sense of intimacy.
However, as an older and more mature person, and Christian, I am dating Christian men in their late 20s / early 30s. While I tend to not initiate (anymore) the super intimate conversations about our pasts and such, I’m realizing that the guys I’m dating are initiating these conversations. It usually flows naturally as one of the very first deep questions that tends to come up is about your testimony or your initial spark of faith in your life. That’s just a natural conversation topic as Christians. So, can you please explain how to handle this situation?
Another dynamic here is that I’m not a huge fan of small talk. As an INFJ, I much prefer to connect with people through deeper conversations. This is true for all of my relationships in life, including friendships. So it’s definitely an act of the will for me to hold back from leading the conversations to intimate detail, but then to go beyond that and steer away from the conversation if my date brings it up - I’m not sure how to do that delicately without being insincere since my tendency is also to go there very quickly myself.
About the morningsickness: my doctor prescribed me ‘Emesafene’ and that was a lifesaver for me. My morningsickness was entirely gone. I don’t know if this is available in your country, but I really recommend it.
Absolutely Beautiful. Thanks guys!!!!!
I personally would not pray with a guy I'm dating until we're pretty far along in a relationship. I think doing that could foster a sense of intimacy that isn't there yet or be a little bit fake or disingenuous since you don't really know them.
Yay! I'm so glad you're feeling better! Sending hugs and prayers! 🧡💚💙
I'm so glad you are feeling better Tiffiany!!! I was wondering how much your friends and family especially parents have a say in someone you're dating? I've dated a few guys that their parents manipulated our time together and I was wondering how you handle parents that are over opinionated?
Oh my goodness SUCH a good question!! We actually have two videos that talk more about this:
1) When you don’t agree with your parents - ua-cam.com/video/PKe8RxmUvhU/v-deo.html
2) My parents don’t like my boyfriend - ua-cam.com/video/XZncqvHuDao/v-deo.html
The titles sound a little different but I think those videos really touch in your question too 🤗
@@TiffanyDawn thank you I will definitely watch these!
So interesting...my bf and I haven’t said ‘I love you’ yet and I was just discussing it with a friend yesterday. I tend more toward wanting to say it when we get engaged or late than sooner. And I think he wants to say it now. Haha, thanks for the advice.
That’s so good you and your boyfriend are talking about your different perspectives on it so you can figure out what works for you guys! Having thatdialogue is key 👏👏
Idk I just think you should spill it all out cuz it's like I should know all this before getting in a relationship with you . A relationship to me is me saying I see you as a husband one day.
I wondered about the praying and bible study one on one question too because it creates a spiritual bond with them. So If you are dating to see if marriage material then praying together one one one would show that spiritual compatibility. But that door might be too hot to handle in a dating level like how sexual purity is on a dating level which is why I am unsure about it
Good to see you're doing better 👍
Thank you!!
@@TiffanyDawn you're welcome
I think reading and discussing the Bible together is VERY good. You see how each other think and what they believe. You’re not changing views, you’re talking about opinions, ideas, and beliefs.
What happens when one of you prays before a meal and the other is included- is that considered a no no? Just curious!
James, i love the way you speak my guy
Thank you for your channel! God bless your family.
May God continue to bless you and your family Tiffany❤❤❤
My response to the "don't do Bible studies or pray with your boyfriend" is this: Some years ago, there was this guy who came to our church and was leading Wednesday night bible studies. Just to be clear, me and this guy weren't dating or anything. I was mildly interested in him, but I never expressed that to him at the time. Anyway, this bible study was a smaller group. I think at most the group only got up to 10. But one day when I think other people who would usually go just forgot that there was a bible study. I think it was because the time or day had changed, but I don't remember. Regardless, I had remembered that the time had changed, and so I was walking to church (it was walking distance from my house). And this guy saw me and picked me up. When we got to the church, we sat in his car with the A/C on. It was sort of awkward at first, but we got to talking. Eventually, we started studying the bible together. And it didn't feel awkward to me. However, eventually (on a different day) the pastor's wife heard about he and I studying the bible alone in the car, and way later on, I heard she sort of told him something about it, but didn't tell me anything, and he sort of pulled away from me but I didn't know why - it was a sort of messy situation because of the lack of communication. It had bothered me a long time that I could have had a nice friendship (or potentially a romantic relationship) with this guy, but things got abruptly interrupted because of this messy communication issue. It doesn't bother me anymore because I know that guy wasn't the one God had for me anyways, and I eventually I came to realize that if he really was the one I was supposed to marry, God would have found some way to bring him back into my life. But he was never meant to be "the one" so I'm fine with it now.
Either way, for those pastor's wives (or anyone else for that matter) who are reading this, and you do see a problem with two people of the opposite sex having a bible study or prayer alone together, if you say something to one of them, please say something to both of them. Don't leave either one out in the dark. Actually, maybe sit both of them down and gently discuss with them your views on the situation kindly and lovingly (NOT forcibly). Please, DO NOT leave either out in the dark. If you do, the other will become confused as to why that other person suddenly started pulling away. This lack of communication just brings about unnecessary drama and anxiety. Please, please communicate your views properly if you find yourself in this situation!!
That being said, no, I don't think there's anything wrong with having a bible study alone or praying alone with someone of the opposite sex. I don't think it always has to be awkward. For one thing, whether or not it feels awkward to pray or have bible study alone, or to not do those things, is dependent on the people involved. For some people it could feel awkward, but for others, not so much. For instance, say it's a couple where they are on the same page spiritually and they both agree to seek God together in prayer to see if it is His will for them to court or date each other, and they're just genuinely seeking God's will. In this situation, they just really want God to be involved in their relationship and the mate selection process - There's nothing wrong with that if that's where their heart is.
It also depends on the relationship. I can see how it might be awkward for couples where they started dating as practically strangers or vague acquaintances but that is not always the case. For instance, say there's two people where they were best friends first for a long time before even considering a romantic relationship. For that couple, it might be perfectly comfortable and normal for them to pray or have a bible study, even on their first date. I don't see an issue with that. If it comes natural for them to do so, so be it. One thing I will say, just don't force it.
OHHH Also, if someone claims that you should not be studying the bible alone or praying alone, please, please, study the bible yourself, (WITHIN CONTEXT) so that you're prepared to have your own convictions. There are too many church leaders that want to act like the "spiritual parent" over their congregants on certain things - this issue being one of them. But God has the final Word on what He meant in His Word. If someone claims it's wrong for a single woman and man to pray or have bible study alone together, test what they say against Scripture. Is it truly wrong, or is that merely their own opinion? That's an answer you need to know for yourself. I'm not saying you have to talk back to them or have a heated debate with them. I'm just saying, know what the Word says, IN CONTEXT for yourself so that even if someone tells you something that actually goes against scripture, you can have the inner peace of thinking, "okay, that's their opinion, but, this is what the Bible actually says (in context), so I know to take what they say with a grain of salt."
I think that theology should DEFINITELY be discussed on the first date. I believe you should date with the intent to marry, so you should discuss theology and make sure you agree on important things. (In my opinion, you should already know what he or she believes in before you go on a first date or dating in general) Don't be unequally yoked!!!
I agree COMPLETELY!!
100%
YES. Girl I have a LIST of important “must cover ASAP” items. What his daily walk with the Lord looks like; does he actively attend, serve at, and give to his church; his politics; his relationships with immediate family; life direction; and his Myers-Briggs/Enneagram😂 personality stuff is just for funsies, but the rest of that stuff is super important to me, so I’d rather hit all that on the first date. Also, if I don’t know the guy’s life goals and passions until later in the game, what am I gonna do if I “suddenly” find out he wants to live overseas indefinitely, while I’ve always pictured myself living within an hour of my hometown? Super jarring😅
I agree 100%. I have a short list of things a guy must meet before I even go on a first date with him.
Great video! :D
I just realized that my brother also watches your chanel which is amzing. But I was thinking maybe James could get his own channel or do some more videos on your channel adressed to guys? Love your channel :D
So helpful, I love it! But what did James mean when he said we should be discussing geography before marriage? Hahaha I'm confused
I took geography as discussing where to live, or where you prefer to live. Maybe he'll clarify.
MissPrincessD Oh that’s a good point!! Thanks
Keywords love is an action word not something you just say
What do you do when you’re a single person and you’re in your 60s & have been deeply hurt by abusive relationships. Don’t even know how to heal myself correctly. I blew that too soon. Not worthy of my trust. Too late! 💔🥺you can see by my emojis that I’m still hurt.
This picture makes it looks like James is wearing angel wings.🤣
LOL!!! It totally does!!
I have to ask...where is your shirt from?? I’m obsessed!!❤️❤️
Yes praying and studying together. I'd suggest in a public place. For myself I need to know where he is in his relationship with Christ as he should know mine as well .
As for the I love you ekkk. Meaning more than friend or brother in the Lord ... its something that need serious prayer . Has to mean more than a warm fuzzy feeling. Unconditional love takes time and work. It's a gift I don't say casually anymore.
Ya'll give good advice.