ADHD Skills: 1 - Have less stuff - less Mental & Physical Clutter - Out of sight: Out of mind 2 - Store vertically in clear containers - Global view that allows focused deep-dives when necessary 3 - Planning and Prioritizing - Bullet Journal - I need to look into this 4 - Meta Thinking - you can self-hack your thoughts to get the desired outcomes, a unique skill 5 - Let go of guilt and shame - you are different, you are allowed to be different, you just think differently, sometimes for the better! 6 - Emotional Control - do not re-live old traumas - compartmentalize what you can control - Mindfulness 7 - Bonus! Outsource your weaknesses! Enjoy your strengths! Do not torture yourself with tasks you are unsuitable for!
Thank you so much, I was listening on double speed because there's no other way to focus, but then I got extremely sad that I won't remember all of it!
Lol! Loved: "I wasn't keeping track...cause, you know, I have ADHD..."Lol. Folks with ADHD teach others to love themselves, be patient with themselves and forgive themselves more, because when we neurotypicals get triggered by ADHDers we are really confronting our own faults and projecting our personal frustrations on them. I learned so much about myself and human beings, in general, while dating a remarkable woman with ADHD.
I never could put my finger on where my sense of shame and lack of confidence came from. Now I see it so clearly. I am a private reading instructor and I have felt called to teach students with ADD or ADHD. Yet I struggle with executive function myself. So, I was thinking, "Maybe I shouldn't be doing this work "Now I see how important it is to persevere. Thank you.
I’m ADHD and being organized is super important to me. When I was in college I couldn’t start writing a paper if my apartment was messy. I’d have to clean it before starting a project. Organization is huge at home and at work.
Me too. I was ok with mess as a child when things were not my responsibility. But now that I am responsible, I need to get things organised outside for me to declutter my mind and work
@@Roar1921 When I was a teen, my room use to be such a big mess that I couldn’t even see the floor. Now I can’t stand to have a messy room, it drives me insane and sabotages my productivity
Same, we just have to make sure that the organization itself doesn’t take up most of our time and energy, an issue I struggle with as someone who needs an organized environment to function optimally.
I just wanted to add that this has been one of the best ADHD videos I have ever seen. I am in my 50’s and have only been diagnosed recently. This rings true for me on so many levels.
So... I was like, great, hacks! Mindfulness, check. Bullet journal, check. There was other stuff that felt really good to have someone else (you!) unpack and hear how one’s lived experience of various challenges actually goes and how we do our best to mitigate our challenges and share our gifts. When you talked about how hard it is to get started, I’m thinking, yup, it sure is. And you explained the less than one minute hack and the meta hack, and I’m thinking: so glad that works for you, but my brain would not be fooled. I’m so often the skeptic. What do you know, I decided I would get my shoes (I live in one room, don’t have to go far, lol), and what happened? I went for a walk with tiny jogs and a Pokemon hunt. On my day off today, I didn’t want to get up as early as I woke up, but I was like, I’ll sit up and decide if I’m going to brush my teeth. Got out, ran errands, was on time to my appointment. Thank you. I’ll keep trying this hack and see where it takes me.
You know, we all have days when nothing will fool our brains - I’m having one of them now as I try to make today’s video - and I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to hear that my hacks have helped! I do think our brains are too clever for them to work all the time, but that’s where we have to just surrender to the flip side, that our stubborn clever brains are so good at so many other things it’s not the end of the world if we can only hack our deficits some of the time! Once we take shame out of the equation, it’s a lot easier to put our deficits in perspective.
I love the language you use in this video. Phrases like “emotional control” make me feel defensive and a sense of shame. Phrases like “emotional intelligence” and the fact that we feel deeply makes it easier to accept this characteristic of ADHD and work to improve this aspect. Thank you for your video ❤️
I feel when I am alone my symptoms get worse, working in a co-working space or a shared office with lots of people especially supportive and positive people really really helps
I want to thank everyone who has commented here, and apologize profusely for not responding sooner. Honestly, I sort of lost track of my UA-cam channel while I was focusing on my work on Instagram -- and wow! But I'm back to UA-cam now, and I intend to read and respond to every comment! I hope you all will receive notifications of my tardy replies! I am so grateful to everyone who has taken the time to leave a comment and I have so much more content coming! I hope it will be useful to you!
Marta Rose Hello, I just found your channel. I have enjoyed how you discuss ADHD as someone who has it instead of the non ADHD having well meaning lecturer. One ADHD hack that I have found is to have a date with my bullet journal (sometimes over coffee) each morning. I sit down with the spread of my ongoing brain dump and do the "power of 3" which is to pick out three things that would make the most difference to get done. Sometimes it is just "make progress on X" for stuff like long term projects I pick one step off of the project page to do to help me complete the project. Most days much more than my three things get done. I have found that some days I have felt like I had been really productive, but not gotten to certain important things. Also, by having something be on the list of things that I really need to do that day, I tell myself that "I have to do it sometime today, why not now?" That helps me combat the weird "I can't do that right now feeling."
I’m constantly feeling like my husband and the people in my life are judging me and shaming me on the things that I can’t do...I don’t know if they actually are meaning to do that, or if that’s a projection of my anxieties about being judged and feeling ashamed of my short-comings onto them. Something my best friend does though that has always helped me was that she recognized when I was really overwhelmed by something, targeted exactly what was overwhelming me in that moment, and dealt with that in one way or another for that moment so that I could keep moving. For example, if she saw that I was struggling just trying to figure out where to start - I know in my head that it’s much more important to just start rather than start on the “right” thing, but it’s still something that halts me frequently. So she would choose a starting place for me, and remind me that where ever I put something, it can be moved, it’s not going to get glued down, just keep going. Another time, when she was helping me clean my house, I was getting really overwhelmed by trying to figure out where things went and realizing there was no room for those things (because I used to live in a really tiny, cluttered home, awful for me btw) and on top of that my husband, who was diagnosed very young with ADHD and has been taught specific skills or always had help from people who recognized his disorder, was coming up to me every few minutes asking where his things needed to go - like, I’m trying to figure out where A, B and C goes, I don’t have the mental capacity to figure out X, Y, and Z go too, are you kidding?! So she would act as a buffer in that moment - she gently took the things that were overwhelming me and put it in a temporary “I don’t know” pile just so I could keep moving, and then we dealt with the I don’t knows later (I ended up donating most of the I don’t knows, because in the height of my overwhelm and anxiety, I couldn’t even register that the things I was stressing over were things I didn’t actually need or want anyway. Another thing that actually my previous supervisor used to do with me was every few days, she and I would sit down for just five minutes to go over my To Do List and she would help me prioritize them (again, I know all the things I NEED to do, I just don’t always know where to start or what needs to be done first!) This is something I want to start doing at home, too.
Noelle, as a neurotypical who was deeply in love with a remarkable woman with ADHD, I'd like to say we all judge, we're taught to judge, we have to judge in order to make choices in life. I think what can be devastating is what we take those judgements to mean and how they are communicated. Perhaps a better approach is for us to use discernment. One problem is that we're often prone to apply moral standards to things that don't need to be moralized. The person receiving is often guilty of doing the same and bearing a burden that wasn't even intended. Everybody goes through that, but I think ADHD folks experience it more often and perhaps more intensely. Perhaps you can come to filter other's judgements as flaws in their operating systems, because unless you're doing something intentionally harmful or dangerous, you're not worthy of any negative judgement. Don't put that garment on, if it's handed to you, or if you sell it lying around.
Wow, what a great friend! It's amazing what we can do and be and accomplish with just a tiny bit of understanding and accommodation, rather than judgment and shame. Isn't it?? This is the key, and it's not so much to expect. When we are given the little bit of support and accommodation we need, we can set the world on fire! But the opposite is also true: shame and judgment can shut us down so fast. Thank you so much for sharing your story, it's really inspiring.
@@rembeadgcJudgment may be natural, but the standards by which we are judged can be shaming and traumatic, and there is nothing inevitable or necessary about that.
@@TheSpiralLab Thanks for responding. I understand what you're saying. Judgement that is meant to shame is not good (notice I said "meant", because everything we think or feel about what someone said isn't always accurate and is ultimately our responsibility to interpret healthily). I would say, however, that it is inevitable, because we live in a world populated by imperfect people (ourselves included) who are each carrying their own traumas, misunderstandings and the distortions. You can't have a real relationship with other human beings and not experience that at some point. In fact, the healthy purpose of it is to create an opportunity for us to learn, grow stronger and understand our own human shortcomings. Treating people as though that isn't the case, making them believe the world is different or trying to protect them from the truth is to make them infantile and unequipped to handle life independently. On planet Earth, if you live long enough to consciously differentiate yourself from others (early childhood) shaming and trauma ARE inevitable. Every responsible and loving parent has an obligation to prepare their child for it and to instruct them in how to deal with it as well as comfort and support them while they are experiencing it. Knowing that one day they will have to stand independently on their own two feet. As to whether it's necessary... you can't grow stronger muscles without breaking down muscle fibre. You can't grow plants without breaking the soil or the seed shell that it once comfortably rested in. A baby isn't born into the world without a certain amount of trauma to the mother's body in delivery. In the process of growth, a certain type of "trauma" is absolutely necessary. I know that is unacceptable to those who don't understand and are fearful of the process. Usually that's because they never had someone to lovingly and reassuringly stand beside them and encourage them when they faced that type of challenge. Perhaps they were only shielded from trauma and not taught how to overcome it. The best psychologists are ones who at one point needed one themselves. No one has a right to shame someone else, but shame is something WE experience. If we believe we have no reason to feel ashamed then we should ask ourselves "Why is this even bothering me?" Ultimately you can't control anyone but yourself and you have to take responsibility for how YOU feel. Nobody can MAKE you feel anything. You only FEEL the thoughts you entertain, unless you've entertained them so often that they become instinctive. You can reprogram that. That kind of knowledge is power.
@@rembeadgc I mostly agree with this, especially the point that we must take responsibility for our own feelings that no one MAKES us feel anything. But I disagree with the implication that the world is just a bunch of discrete individuals interacting all with their own issues and traumas. I believe there are also institutions and systems at work, in which individuals operate, and which DO constrain people's freedom and agency, and that must be analyzed and dismantled. I also totally, dramatically, 100% disagree that parents need to "toughen up" their kids in order to deal with the "real world." I think what this does is tramatize children, and disempower them to believe they can be agents of change, and that they can craft their own reality.
You are a true gift. I am newly diagnosed with slow processing speed/ADHD. Already I am feeling empowered with my new upcoming endeavours, which previously I was really anxious about. Your content and your presentation style is absolutely bang-on!
I appreciate all of your suggestions and most ring true, but for me, trying to get going on a task with someone near me is impossible! I am way too tuned into and distracted by what other people do, to the point where it paralyzes me. Need to get into a solo headspace to complete tasks. Everyone presents with their own unique ADHD style and I understand this many be particular to only some of us ADHDers. I've spent a lifetime trying to figure out what works. You're right on that we've all been traumatized by societal pressures on us, especially women, because we're supposed to be great at managing households AND doing everything outside the home as well.
Thank you for your positive approach to this "problem." All my life my family has criticized me for my depth of feeling... they call it "going over the deep end." Yet, when there is a super difficult problem to solve, that takes lots of patience and focus, they come to me! Don't do a simple short video, really liked this!
I had to pause the video to comment about your suggestion for task initiation- I often pretend I’m teaching someone or talking to someone about something I’m doing- even things like getting ready. I find that this has helped me in task initiation AND sustained attention. I find this incredibly similar to your friend’s suggestion of pretending a documentary crew is filming you! So funny!!
Omg this has to be the scariest thing I have ever watched every thing you said about the ADHD deeply touched my soul. Thankyou for making me realize I am not alone. Thankyou so much! You have lifted a burden off of my soul
I’ve never shared this with anyone before. It may sound arrogant, but it’s not. I really think we really feel more than average people (positive as well as negative), because we experience more, see more, smell more…. It’s like we were gifted to be the voice of the inner man, you know? Maybe like a canary in the coal mine, if we can be allowed to develop our sensitivity, we can share, with greater humanity, a deeper truth, a richer vision of life, a desperate warning, electricity, physics, anesthesia….
Wow! Meta Cognition! I had no idea it had a name and I’ve been doing this documentary in my head for awhile thank you so much for this video! Feeling a little extra special
Thank you thank you thank you!!!! At 30 I’m trying to build a career in NYC where I am constantly deal with self loathing because I seemingly can never keep up. I thought I was lazy because I’d loose focus on my goals or not be able to start these projects I have so much passion for. I always knew I had ADHD but only recently started researching more about it to try and learn how to function better. But all the videos of dry doctors explaining symptoms and whatnot started making me feel like I was doomed. I am so happy I stumbled upon your video because you hit the nail right on the head. We need to rid the shame of not being suitable for certain tasks or that our brains just work different. That we are creative genius! I look forward to diving into the rest of your content.
You should also check out Jessica McCabe from the How to ADHD channel! Her videos are also a treasure trove of ADHD info and tips that are presented in a fun and relatable way!
This is so unbelievably helpful. Instantly subscribed. Thank you. ❤ Edit: the outsourcing issue really hit a nerve. I want to embrace that fully without feeling like I've failed. My top outsourcing wishes are for: a house cleaner, more appointments with the dog groomer and a grocery delivery service. The cleaner being the top priority right now.
Just wow! I have never heard anyone describe that metacognition thing before, but you are spot on. Thanks for giving language to that, it's helped some things click for me and I can see how I already do this and how I can use it as a tool. This video was awesome and so affirming! Thank you so much. Definitely subscribing and can't wait to check out your other content x
My mother is determined to make me panic and feel shame about any normal problem that comes up in life because that’s how she motivates herself and me as a kid to get it done. But I can’t function like that. First I must achieve calm and positivity and only then can I get anything done.
I have loved what you've just taught me. The shame and judgement I have suffered my whole life. At 69, I am just starting to be me again. The tips you've given me will help me tomorrow. I've known that I'm different and unique. So I have been trying my whole life to overcome others judgement of me. I'm in the middle of decluttering, cleaning and organizing my home. Everything has to be in clear containers . I have long term lists to save up money for. Like work that needs to be done on my truck. You've shown me I'm on the right track. Thank you very much. I really needed to hear all you said tonight. Gives me great hope. Susi
I made notes. 1. Marie Kondo it all: remove all clutter. store everything horizontally. anything out of sight is out of mind. store in a way that everything is visible 2. bullet journal: to calm yourself down when things get overwhelming 3. task initiation: Hacks: metacognitive technique a. the concept of a body double: having a friend or someone work alongside makes getting started in a relatively easier manner b. this imagination that they are making a documentary of your life. and need footage of you working on something that you are working on now. So even if you are not really working, they need the footage of you pretending to work. So get down to pretending to work for the sake of the project. understanding your own cognition in order to trick it: metacognition. laziness, procrastination- wrong ways of looking at things - should understand that my brain is just wired this way. take away the shame and judgment out of it all. 4. just do the very very beginnings stages of the task. to get started. less than a minute. and then see how you are feeling (hack to get you started) no shame no judgment (also, understand why you are doing the hack. both go hand in hand, the hack and why you are trying to pull the trick in order to make yourself work) 5. Emotional control: the traumatic experience of growing up. But I don't have to work on controlling my emotions alone. Depth of our emotions is our good thing. We feel deeply the relentless criticism, rejection. We need love and self-love and self-awareness and therapy and to believe that we have a right to a place for ourselves in this world. Mindfulness 6. outsource things that you can't do or you are bad at (if you can).
Ahhhhhh you’re amazing !!! This was amazing!! THANK YOU. I feel like you just validated my way of being in this world and that’s been sorely needed on a deep level.. I love the ‘documentary crew’ idea and also just doing the first stage of a task (getting your shoes before a walk) without actually committing to the task.
I really appreciate this video! Having ADHD can feel a lot like you're the only person in the world who struggles with this thing that everyone else seems to be so good at easily. Videos like this remind me that other people deal with this stuff and they've already done the hard work of learning how to overcome it.
Oh wow, thank you so much! I'm sorry to be so late responding but I'm back in the UA-cam saddle, lots more to come. Hope all is well with you and yours.
This video may be 2 years old and pretty niche (or rather, UA-cam like to shove me the more huge popular channels?), but it's still very relevant for me! Thank you so much for the very interesting rethinking of ADHD and the easy to understand explanations & practical solutions! It covers the things I've been concerned with after feeling like I only got half of the necessary step for healing (which is medicine, finally got it last December). Which sucks when it feels like my head is already full of many years worth of ADHD-related knowledge.
UA-cam recommended this video and thank you. I am on the ADHD waiting list with NHS, but it is a 5 year waiting list. For years I knew I thought differently and certain things really got to me, but I am also an empath so people who are super frustrated and angry get to me to the point where I snap at the people I work for, wondering why the heck they don't do anything right. They all hide behind bull processes that makes no sense. At all! I did laugh where you talked about our inability to plan and process and how it is linked to our genius. Wholeheartedly agree. ;) I am opposite to you. I can start easily, but know that whatever I try always fails. As weird as it sounds as I have tried and failed, tried and failed, tried and failed things hundreds of times. The first time I had a success in my art work work (on a personal level), was dicovering a set of processes to take 3d and turn it into a 2d illustration. It took 3 years repeatedly attempting it and documenting my processes. Now when I do it, I still have to refer to words I scribbled which would make no sense to an ordinary human being, but at least, I know how to do it. The one thing I struggle with, which is not so much an ADHD problem as it is an 'energy' problem is that I do not attract attention, so any business I start, fails. Another person can follow the same steps I take and 99.9% make a huge success. Eventually I stopped worrying about things when I realised I could not physically make money in life. Now I just concentrate on living a happy life.
I LOVE THIS WOMAN!!! So glad to finally see a mature woman speak on this subject. It’s like you have lived my life!!! I’m just now hearing the term, “executive function”, & it sure explains a lot of the problems I’ve had/continue to have that I’ve been so ashamed of!!! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! A million times, Thank you! I don’t care how long your videos are. I could listen to your clear way of describing all of this all day. This exact presentation would be a GREAT TED Talk IMHO! And 3 cheers for your hubby!!
You are so awesome. Body doubling , pomodoro, and taking many reward breaks help much. And yes, no brain shame! Yes, tiny piece of task is 100 percent effective.
So thrilled to find your messages, i’m imagining having the funnest times talking through these ADBrains things. Where to start other than I LOVE TO RAMBLE TOO! Omg … imagine me leaping with the widest, teethyest smile, mid air … thats the delight i’m experiencing … thanks for doing you through the camera and being willing to hold the focus for others to see theirs and your genious … GENIOUS (whoops i have no idea if i’ve spelt that right) wee hee … soft and fluid, loosey goosey only taking on what you choosy cause life’s to short to halt like a horse or choke like a chook or bark like a dog … fluid like water trickeling through to where brains are safe and happy to listen to something that rings true … loosey goosey boogadeedoo i’m so freakin’ glad that you’re doing you! Happy days, Lisa Tui, a new ADBrain admirer (shiney bright eyed emoji thingy that hopefully conveys AWESOME!)
I’m excited to try out the “get your shoes” hack, because it seems pretty straightforward and also super easy remember. Whenever I can’t bring myself to start doing something, I’ll just think “get my shoes, get my shoes”!”And maybe I’ll forget why the heck I’m thinking about shoes at the minute because my memory is crap as well, but it’s worth a shot 😂
I just recent got diagnosed at age 52 in 2022. So glad I found u.... Subscribed, liked and u are on my favs list...!!!! I connect with everything you've said and I agree with it. So nice to know there are people out there who get it. I've felt so alone in this since childhood.
Great video. This helps. It's a push in the right direction. Even just knowing that I can outsource if/when I reach panic levels of forcing myself could help me, and if I can't get rid of stuff myself I'll hire help to be in the same room. You've encouraged me to think about the metacognition of my mindfulness as a layer of thought rather than just something to analyze from time to time. Not that I'm sure that I can focus to put this into practice, starting anything is so difficult! But I'm thankful to have seen this!
I don't have ADHD, but this video feels like drinking water when you are very thirsty. The mention of How to ADHD video about bullet journals made me feel so excited, because it was a life changer for me. And then the comment about the bullet journal being useful to help calm the chaos and the anxiety... I felt tears in my eyes. I've had anxiety almost all my life (many times followed by depression-like periods, because it drains my emotional energy) and even when I feel ok, so many times I've wandered around the house knowing there are many things to be done but feeling that everything is so abstract... The bullet journal, simpliflying my life (mari kondoing), dividing tasks and having my thoughts and ideas written down with an index has helped me so so much... For the first time since I fly free as an adult I feel I'm starting to find inner peace, and it's such a relief 😭 *Big* *thanks* *to* *the* *people* *on* *the* *Internet.*
Shame and judgment are haunting me all my life I hated myself for being me. Recently diagnosed at 33 years old hope I can find a way to become productive and accepted by society. Thanks for this video you are awesome!
Thank you for this as it helps me understand my daughter who was only recently diagnosed with ADHD even though she is now 28 years old. It was probably inherited from her mother who was never diagnosed and her defence mechanism for all the abandonment and rejection you speak about was to live in denial to the point of delusion which helped to split our marriage. We need to lose the taboos over mental illness and to recognise and accommodate the whole spectrum of human conditions with wisdom and compassion.
The best things I did last year are minimalist everything + painting one of my room’s wall with writable paint instead of having regular planner .. still want to find something improve my short term memory + want to find a good and easy system to deal with My laptop and Phone clutter
Wow. I love you for making this video. I just noticed that it was posted before the pandemic but so much of what you were saying applies to that/this awful time.
A true neurodivergent radical! Thank you. I especially like the tip about the shoes. Just do the smallest part of the thing and then decide if you want to continue.
I was surprised by how much I appreciated this video-sooo many good useful points, and it closed with a bang. I’ve just recently come around to the outsourcing part and it’s been a game changer. We’ve got ‘big feelings’ which use up a lot of energy, so we should preserve it when possible. I have so many useful skills, that I end up bartering with friends & family a lot! Outsourcing tasks was easier than I thought it would be. Thank you for this list! I’m so glad I clicked!🙏🏾🌈❤️
I really appreciate the empathy and compassion. RSD is a life wrecker, and you're right - we are *not* born with that; it's beaten into us, literally and figuratively.
The only thing with the clear containers is that they offgas toxic fumes so things smell like that horrible plastic. I only keep them in the basement so I am not breathing the plastic fumes, but even that I still wonder about.
Thanks for making this. I've been churning on ways to make everything make sense, and this felt like a lot of ways to make things work in ways I haven't heard about before. Thanks for working so hard on this!
Emotional control can come from being emotionally regulated. A lot of people suffer from dis-regulated emotions which is important to understand. It's a trauma response and not the same as 'learning to control your emotions'. I encourage everyone to look up emotional disregulation.
I didn't know there was a name for it, but the body double hack is really helpful! I just started online college and my mom (who also has ADHD) just started a fitness instructor course, and we've been meeting at coffee shops once a week to study for a few hours. I'll admit that during hard times, it'll be the only work I get done all week
So you just identified a list of really serious struggles that we have due to adhd but you think its not a pathology? You know, you’re doing us a disservice by telling the world there’s nothing wrong with us, and it’s great having ADHD? You must be on a mild ADHD symptom level to think that, but ADHD is suffering, that’s what it is!
hashim khan I’m sorry you are suffering. I’m also sorry that you didn’t really hear what I said. I stand by my fundamental belief that your suffering is not caused by a pathology in your brain, but rather a pathology in our society. I don’t want you to suffer. I want to change society so you don’t have to. But if you insist the cause of your suffering is caused by a defect in your brain, you are certainly not alone and you are entitled to your belief. We can agree to disagree.
@@TheSpiralLab Constantly forgetting, misplacing, and losing valuable possessions is a pathology in society? Not being able to make appointments, get to work or uni on time, is that a pathology in society or is it my inability to remember and be aware of time? What are they supposed to do, tell me to come to work whenever I want? What about impulsiveness, if I get angry and lash out at someone or am impatient and cross a red light, who needs to change, society or me?
I want to add that it’s not a dysfunction. It’s a natural way for a person’s brain to be, simply a lot less common. Society sees it as a dysfunction because we maybe can’t perform as well with the tasks that society has ordered upon us
Emily Huynh Exactly. I can do the smaller tasks, the bigger tasks I can’t seem to jumpstart my brain in gear to start. It’s definitely a dysfunction & unless you live with it, you don’t understand it.
It is both a disfunction and not. It is like being deaf in that if everyone was deaf being deaf isn’t a disability, they have perfectly good sign languages. But they live in a bearing world and to do that they and we do need a special label or for example they wouldn’t be entitled to interpreters, and we on a lesser scale need people to facilitate us to function in a non adhd world. If the majority was adhd and then minority not then they would be seen as the disordered ones, lacking in empathy and holistic abilities, considered scarily like robots blind to all sorts of things
I use some of these hacks and have experimented with others. I don't use the Bullet Journal system but I use a DIY planner to help me remember to do stuff. These last couple of days I didn't use it & Sat I forgot to take my HBP pills! I use the "I'm only going to write for 10 minutes" trick to help me get started writing. I also use a timer. And I eliminate other distractions & just sit there with my writing project until the resistance goes away. I use my husband occasionally as a body double/task buddy. Sometimes I don't want to do groceries or errands & having him come along makes it easier. I've considered outsourcing the housekeeping many times but always talk myself out of it. The whole thing is so hard.
Make a list of what needs to get done Sort it by delivery time and difficulty. Set a daily amount of time to work in your tasks. Start with closest delivery and most difficulty. If a deadline is far away, break the tasks in smaller sub-tasks with a shorter "delivery".
My friend and I do music together. Every now and then we make plans for an extra practice session in the middle of the week when she's up at the church working in the office. Several times now (4? 5?) in the recent past (6 months? a year?) I have missed appointments with her or been 15 minutes late because I **almost** forgot. If I were in her shoes, I would be mildly annoyed at me for forgetting, but go about my day continuing to work in the office with more free time or I would call and ask (which granted she sometimes does). But she is a very busy person and has learned to be very regimented, whether she realizes it or not. As such she relies on people keeping a schedule. She tells me she can be flexible--just let her know if I'm not going to make it... but the thing is I don't know what I don't know. Thursday as I was getting ready for work I suddenly realized "IT'S THURSDAY!" and by that time it was an hour past the appointment. I KNEW the appointment was 2pm Thursday. I had a note on my desk. I knew it was important not to forget. I knew that yesterday was Wednesday. But when I woke up I didn't put the pieces together. And it was too late. Now she doesn't want to meet up anymore during the week (we still see each other on Sundays). Thing is, because I have a hard time perceiving the passage of time, I've hurt a valued relationship. So excuse me if I'm having a hard time being kind to my brain, but I just don't know what to do. I'm also a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding in two months, and between a bridal shower, planning a bachelorette "party", shopping for gifts and shoes online and making sure they arrive on time, and any as-of-yet unscheduled rehearsal dinners, plus other appointments like dentist appointments and church functions that I'm helping with, I'm currently freaked that I'm going to forget something else important to me. Especially when other daily tasks absorb my attention like keeping up in the garden before it's too late to plant things (I already missed the deadline for direct sowing broccoli), replying to texts, banking, making dinner, etc. I have a planner, but I worry if I forgot to put something on it... or that I won't look at it in time.
I think the reason the executive functioning issues are so highlighted is because at least for me, the executive functioning issues literally ruin my life every day and immediately fuck up all hope there is for me to progress; which make me extremely angry and ashamed of myself and when you’re in it, it’s hard to remember that it’s not a personal or moral failure
I agree with feeling more crippled by feeling like we have so many executive dysfunctions because of constantly being told about it vs having our strengths being highlighted
Kondoing and bullet journaling will not help me. My home isn't terribly messy and I know what I need to do every day. However, I get lost along the way. I forget to look at to-do lists and journals and calendars. I forget they exist. I struggle to even start doing the things I know I'm supposed to be doing (I work from home--so this problem is HUGE because there are zero external cues.). I procrastinate until the day is gone and I have zero sense of time passing. This is an executive function issue that no amount of intellect, kondoing, and bullet journaling will fix. I often don't even do the things I want to do, enjoy doing, daily--like sewing, painting, spinning, and knitting. All would be great rewards for getting a job done, but I procrastinate (I one-more-thing myself into oblivion constantly) all the time away until even those are beyond reach. Look, I understand how one could come to resent the ADHD-industrial-complex for hammering home on certain things. Telling us WHAT to do doesn't help--I think we know what we need to be doing. You're right to say that the therapists do NOT GET IT. It's shaming and demeaning to say, "just do it." I've had therapists tell me that for decades and they threaten all kinds of things including firing me as a patient if I can't manage to do what they ask (usually exercise). The problem there is THEIR TRAINING because they clearly did not recognize that I had ADHD (I'm 49 years old and newly diagnosed--only because my kids were!) and if they did, I doubt they would have changed that mantra. Getting over the hump from knowing WHAT we need to do, to actually DOING the thing we need to do, is the real problem. Decades before I discovered my ADHD I often sighed and said, "I need a keeper." What I meant was--someone to tell me when to do what and make sure that I'm doing it, in a loving, non-judgemental way. I don't know that there is anyone in our lives that could actually do that for us. I can't ask my spouse or friends to do that for me. But there are things I can do. I can program my router to not allow me internet access until early evening--some routers have settings like this down to the device level--so my kids and husband can still have access while my devices are blocked). My biggest problem is my curiosity and innate desire to learn new things--I get stuck on the internet, completely enthralled, exploring all of my interests. I constantly tell myself that I will go work when I'm done reading this or done watching that, but then there's always the next thing that catches my eye and it's a never-ending cycle. So, first: I have to block the main distraction. Second, I think the key is to have a dedicated space for the work you're supposed to be doing. I'm working on creating that for myself. Just a corner of my dining room. Third: I'm making up schedules that I'm posting all over the house stating what I'm supposed to be doing at any given time. It needs to be constantly visible. A constant reminder for when I slip down some kind of rabbit hole. And fourth: I'm setting my phone to alarm when it's time for a change of activity. This may not always work for me because I'm also dealing with atypical OCD--I get obsessed with topics and items. But I'm in the early stages of my diagnosis and I haven't even tried medication yet so I'm very hopeful for my future. I'm also going to be honest with my friends and spouse about what I accomplished each day. They are my cheerleaders. Telling them I reached my goals is a powerful incentive for me. One more thing: I was actually a very productive individual until menopause hit three years ago. It is well-known that the hormonal disruption worsens ADHD. I stopped functioning at all as an adult at that time. I felt like I was going absolutely crazy. Finally, finally, finally I know what is wrong. The mental health system is overburdened and understaffed right now due to covid so getting treatment is taking forever, but it will happen. Until then, I can try everything in my power to begin to enact some kind of schedule as I described.
CHOSE TO ACCEPT DO BEST I. CAN LET GO OUTCOME THAT I DO NOT HAVE ABSOLUTE CONTROL OVER NO THEY DO NOT ALWAYS JUDGE US WE CHOSE TO ALLOW THEM SO SET BOUNDARIES BE VERY KIND TO SELF AN GIVE SELF A CONGRATS GOOD JOB PRAISE YEAHHHH
When I first moved into my college apartment I used Konmari method to help get organized and that was so helpful. With covid and coming back to my parents house, being in a transitional period where I don’t know what I need and halving all this stuff I don’t know what to do with I’ve felt so overwhelmed I’ve been living in one pile of stuff for most of the past year. But I gotta say you just reminded me that Marie kondo exists and I feel like there might be a way out of the abyss that is my room
Teachers would be able to emotionally handle a LOT more diversity in students if they had no more than 10 students EVER. I agree that when people say, “You are disregulated” just because you got angry about an actual trespass, it really means stop making me feel uncomfortable by feeling so much and expressing it!
Where are the links she was going ro include from earlier on in this video? Bullet journals and ...I already forgot the other thing. 😂😂 an adhd site I hadn't heard of before.
I run late, I will be late to my own funeral. I figured out a way to trick myself to be on time, but it requires the help of people (mostly family) asking me to be somewhere on time. The trick is telling me that the arrival time is 2 hours earlier than the actual time of event. But it only works if everyone plays along, and the “trick” is not mentioned. It actually works, but it seems “the people” would rather not have to do that, “because I’m an adult and should be responsible and I should be able to just do it like “normal adults”. It’s very disheartening that the people I’m closest to seem unwilling to accommodate a tiny request, and instead respond in ways that cause me to feel more dysfunctional. It almost seems like they would rather have something to bitch at me about because it makes them feel better about themselves.
On telling yourself that you'll just do the first part of a task. I think the healthiest habit here is to get through the fiddly bits that are easy, so that you can tell whether you really want to do the thing or not. Your example of putting your shoes on, and then deciding if you want to go on a walk is perfect. Our brains can get overwhelmed with multi-step processes, so they might just be going to the easier default of MAKE EXCUSE rather than the harder task of JUDGE WHETHER ALL STEPS NEEDED ARE WORTH IT. But if you get past everything except the actual task itself, your brain can go "do I want to do this straightforward thing, or not?" And if we allow ourselves to answer no, then we'll feel okay about sticking with this process as a habit.
ADHD Skills:
1 - Have less stuff - less Mental & Physical Clutter - Out of sight: Out of mind
2 - Store vertically in clear containers - Global view that allows focused deep-dives when necessary
3 - Planning and Prioritizing - Bullet Journal - I need to look into this
4 - Meta Thinking - you can self-hack your thoughts to get the desired outcomes, a unique skill
5 - Let go of guilt and shame - you are different, you are allowed to be different, you just think differently, sometimes for the better!
6 - Emotional Control - do not re-live old traumas - compartmentalize what you can control - Mindfulness
7 - Bonus! Outsource your weaknesses! Enjoy your strengths! Do not torture yourself with tasks you are unsuitable for!
Thanks for this!!!
Paul Nagelkerke
Thanks from Germany for that !
You know what : I wrote a similar 1.) to 7.) and then found y o u r s 😊😉😊😂
I like yours very much☀️
0000⁰⁰000
Thank you so much, I was listening on double speed because there's no other way to focus, but then I got extremely sad that I won't remember all of it!
Thank you,,
Lol! Loved: "I wasn't keeping track...cause, you know, I have ADHD..."Lol. Folks with ADHD teach others to love themselves, be patient with themselves and forgive themselves more, because when we neurotypicals get triggered by ADHDers we are really confronting our own faults and projecting our personal frustrations on them. I learned so much about myself and human beings, in general, while dating a remarkable woman with ADHD.
thanks! I love this perspective!
I never could put my finger on where my sense of shame and lack of confidence came from. Now I see it so clearly. I am a private reading instructor and I have felt called to teach students with ADD or ADHD. Yet I struggle with executive function myself. So, I was thinking, "Maybe I shouldn't be doing this work "Now I see how important it is to persevere. Thank you.
I’m ADHD and being organized is super important to me. When I was in college I couldn’t start writing a paper if my apartment was messy. I’d have to clean it before starting a project. Organization is huge at home and at work.
Me too. I was ok with mess as a child when things were not my responsibility. But now that I am responsible, I need to get things organised outside for me to declutter my mind and work
@@Roar1921 When I was a teen, my room use to be such a big mess that I couldn’t even see the floor. Now I can’t stand to have a messy room, it drives me insane and sabotages my productivity
@@udontevenwannaknowbruv totally get it
Same, we just have to make sure that the organization itself doesn’t take up most of our time and energy, an issue I struggle with as someone who needs an organized environment to function optimally.
I just wanted to add that this has been one of the best ADHD videos I have ever seen. I am in my 50’s and have only been diagnosed recently. This rings true for me on so many levels.
Agree.
I love this. It fits & addresses the self judgement that sometimes creeps in. I join❤
So... I was like, great, hacks! Mindfulness, check. Bullet journal, check. There was other stuff that felt really good to have someone else (you!) unpack and hear how one’s lived experience of various challenges actually goes and how we do our best to mitigate our challenges and share our gifts. When you talked about how hard it is to get started, I’m thinking, yup, it sure is. And you explained the less than one minute hack and the meta hack, and I’m thinking: so glad that works for you, but my brain would not be fooled. I’m so often the skeptic. What do you know, I decided I would get my shoes (I live in one room, don’t have to go far, lol), and what happened? I went for a walk with tiny jogs and a Pokemon hunt. On my day off today, I didn’t want to get up as early as I woke up, but I was like, I’ll sit up and decide if I’m going to brush my teeth. Got out, ran errands, was on time to my appointment. Thank you. I’ll keep trying this hack and see where it takes me.
You know, we all have days when nothing will fool our brains - I’m having one of them now as I try to make today’s video - and I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to hear that my hacks have helped! I do think our brains are too clever for them to work all the time, but that’s where we have to just surrender to the flip side, that our stubborn clever brains are so good at so many other things it’s not the end of the world if we can only hack our deficits some of the time! Once we take shame out of the equation, it’s a lot easier to put our deficits in perspective.
I love the language you use in this video. Phrases like “emotional control” make me feel defensive and a sense of shame. Phrases like “emotional intelligence” and the fact that we feel deeply makes it easier to accept this characteristic of ADHD and work to improve this aspect. Thank you for your video ❤️
I feel when I am alone my symptoms get worse, working in a co-working space or a shared office with lots of people especially supportive and positive people really really helps
Great idea! Thanks for sharing.
I don't Iwish I did
I want to thank everyone who has commented here, and apologize profusely for not responding sooner. Honestly, I sort of lost track of my UA-cam channel while I was focusing on my work on Instagram -- and wow! But I'm back to UA-cam now, and I intend to read and respond to every comment! I hope you all will receive notifications of my tardy replies! I am so grateful to everyone who has taken the time to leave a comment and I have so much more content coming! I hope it will be useful to you!
Marta Rose Hello, I just found your channel. I have enjoyed how you discuss ADHD as someone who has it instead of the non ADHD having well meaning lecturer. One ADHD hack that I have found is to have a date with my bullet journal (sometimes over coffee) each morning. I sit down with the spread of my ongoing brain dump and do the "power of 3" which is to pick out three things that would make the most difference to get done. Sometimes it is just "make progress on X" for stuff like long term projects I pick one step off of the project page to do to help me complete the project. Most days much more than my three things get done. I have found that some days I have felt like I had been really productive, but not gotten to certain important things. Also, by having something be on the list of things that I really need to do that day, I tell myself that "I have to do it sometime today, why not now?" That helps me combat the weird "I can't do that right now feeling."
I’m constantly feeling like my husband and the people in my life are judging me and shaming me on the things that I can’t do...I don’t know if they actually are meaning to do that, or if that’s a projection of my anxieties about being judged and feeling ashamed of my short-comings onto them.
Something my best friend does though that has always helped me was that she recognized when I was really overwhelmed by something, targeted exactly what was overwhelming me in that moment, and dealt with that in one way or another for that moment so that I could keep moving.
For example, if she saw that I was struggling just trying to figure out where to start - I know in my head that it’s much more important to just start rather than start on the “right” thing, but it’s still something that halts me frequently. So she would choose a starting place for me, and remind me that where ever I put something, it can be moved, it’s not going to get glued down, just keep going.
Another time, when she was helping me clean my house, I was getting really overwhelmed by trying to figure out where things went and realizing there was no room for those things (because I used to live in a really tiny, cluttered home, awful for me btw) and on top of that my husband, who was diagnosed very young with ADHD and has been taught specific skills or always had help from people who recognized his disorder, was coming up to me every few minutes asking where his things needed to go - like, I’m trying to figure out where A, B and C goes, I don’t have the mental capacity to figure out X, Y, and Z go too, are you kidding?!
So she would act as a buffer in that moment - she gently took the things that were overwhelming me and put it in a temporary “I don’t know” pile just so I could keep moving, and then we dealt with the I don’t knows later (I ended up donating most of the I don’t knows, because in the height of my overwhelm and anxiety, I couldn’t even register that the things I was stressing over were things I didn’t actually need or want anyway.
Another thing that actually my previous supervisor used to do with me was every few days, she and I would sit down for just five minutes to go over my To Do List and she would help me prioritize them (again, I know all the things I NEED to do, I just don’t always know where to start or what needs to be done first!) This is something I want to start doing at home, too.
Noelle, as a neurotypical who was deeply in love with a remarkable woman with ADHD, I'd like to say we all judge, we're taught to judge, we have to judge in order to make choices in life. I think what can be devastating is what we take those judgements to mean and how they are communicated. Perhaps a better approach is for us to use discernment. One problem is that we're often prone to apply moral standards to things that don't need to be moralized. The person receiving is often guilty of doing the same and bearing a burden that wasn't even intended. Everybody goes through that, but I think ADHD folks experience it more often and perhaps more intensely. Perhaps you can come to filter other's judgements as flaws in their operating systems, because unless you're doing something intentionally harmful or dangerous, you're not worthy of any negative judgement. Don't put that garment on, if it's handed to you, or if you sell it lying around.
Wow, what a great friend! It's amazing what we can do and be and accomplish with just a tiny bit of understanding and accommodation, rather than judgment and shame. Isn't it?? This is the key, and it's not so much to expect. When we are given the little bit of support and accommodation we need, we can set the world on fire! But the opposite is also true: shame and judgment can shut us down so fast. Thank you so much for sharing your story, it's really inspiring.
@@rembeadgcJudgment may be natural, but the standards by which we are judged can be shaming and traumatic, and there is nothing inevitable or necessary about that.
@@TheSpiralLab Thanks for responding. I understand what you're saying. Judgement that is meant to shame is not good (notice I said "meant", because everything we think or feel about what someone said isn't always accurate and is ultimately our responsibility to interpret healthily). I would say, however, that it is inevitable, because we live in a world populated by imperfect people (ourselves included) who are each carrying their own traumas, misunderstandings and the distortions. You can't have a real relationship with other human beings and not experience that at some point. In fact, the healthy purpose of it is to create an opportunity for us to learn, grow stronger and understand our own human shortcomings. Treating people as though that isn't the case, making them believe the world is different or trying to protect them from the truth is to make them infantile and unequipped to handle life independently. On planet Earth, if you live long enough to consciously differentiate yourself from others (early childhood) shaming and trauma ARE inevitable. Every responsible and loving parent has an obligation to prepare their child for it and to instruct them in how to deal with it as well as comfort and support them while they are experiencing it. Knowing that one day they will have to stand independently on their own two feet. As to whether it's necessary... you can't grow stronger muscles without breaking down muscle fibre. You can't grow plants without breaking the soil or the seed shell that it once comfortably rested in. A baby isn't born into the world without a certain amount of trauma to the mother's body in delivery. In the process of growth, a certain type of "trauma" is absolutely necessary. I know that is unacceptable to those who don't understand and are fearful of the process. Usually that's because they never had someone to lovingly and reassuringly stand beside them and encourage them when they faced that type of challenge. Perhaps they were only shielded from trauma and not taught how to overcome it. The best psychologists are ones who at one point needed one themselves. No one has a right to shame someone else, but shame is something WE experience. If we believe we have no reason to feel ashamed then we should ask ourselves "Why is this even bothering me?" Ultimately you can't control anyone but yourself and you have to take responsibility for how YOU feel. Nobody can MAKE you feel anything. You only FEEL the thoughts you entertain, unless you've entertained them so often that they become instinctive. You can reprogram that. That kind of knowledge is power.
@@rembeadgc I mostly agree with this, especially the point that we must take responsibility for our own feelings that no one MAKES us feel anything. But I disagree with the implication that the world is just a bunch of discrete individuals interacting all with their own issues and traumas. I believe there are also institutions and systems at work, in which individuals operate, and which DO constrain people's freedom and agency, and that must be analyzed and dismantled. I also totally, dramatically, 100% disagree that parents need to "toughen up" their kids in order to deal with the "real world." I think what this does is tramatize children, and disempower them to believe they can be agents of change, and that they can craft their own reality.
You are a true gift. I am newly diagnosed with slow processing speed/ADHD. Already I am feeling empowered with my new upcoming endeavours, which previously I was really anxious about. Your content and your presentation style is absolutely bang-on!
I really needed this today. I am older and undiagnosed.
I appreciate all of your suggestions and most ring true, but for me, trying to get going on a task with someone near me is impossible! I am way too tuned into and distracted by what other people do, to the point where it paralyzes me. Need to get into a solo headspace to complete tasks. Everyone presents with their own unique ADHD style and I understand this many be particular to only some of us ADHDers. I've spent a lifetime trying to figure out what works. You're right on that we've all been traumatized by societal pressures on us, especially women, because we're supposed to be great at managing households AND doing everything outside the home as well.
Thank you for your positive approach to this "problem." All my life my family has criticized me for my depth of feeling... they call it "going over the deep end." Yet, when there is a super difficult problem to solve, that takes lots of patience and focus, they come to me! Don't do a simple short video, really liked this!
I had to pause the video to comment about your suggestion for task initiation- I often pretend I’m teaching someone or talking to someone about something I’m doing- even things like getting ready. I find that this has helped me in task initiation AND sustained attention. I find this incredibly similar to your friend’s suggestion of pretending a documentary crew is filming you! So funny!!
Omg this has to be the scariest thing I have ever watched every thing you said about the ADHD deeply touched my soul. Thankyou for making me realize I am not alone. Thankyou so much! You have lifted a burden off of my soul
I’ve never shared this with anyone before. It may sound arrogant, but it’s not.
I really think we really feel more than average people (positive as well as negative), because we experience more, see more, smell more…. It’s like we were gifted to be the voice of the inner man, you know?
Maybe like a canary in the coal mine, if we can be allowed to develop our sensitivity, we can share, with greater humanity, a deeper truth, a richer vision of life, a desperate warning, electricity, physics, anesthesia….
I think this is the best video I've seen on EF. I can't do lists, journals, ADHD apps etc. My ADHD is extremely clever and it won't be duped.
Wow! Meta Cognition! I had no idea it had a name and I’ve been doing this documentary in my head for awhile thank you so much for this video! Feeling a little extra special
Thank you thank you thank you!!!! At 30 I’m trying to build a career in NYC where I am constantly deal with self loathing because I seemingly can never keep up. I thought I was lazy because I’d loose focus on my goals or not be able to start these projects I have so much passion for. I always knew I had ADHD but only recently started researching more about it to try and learn how to function better. But all the videos of dry doctors explaining symptoms and whatnot started making me feel like I was doomed. I am so happy I stumbled upon your video because you hit the nail right on the head. We need to rid the shame of not being suitable for certain tasks or that our brains just work different. That we are creative genius! I look forward to diving into the rest of your content.
You should also check out Jessica McCabe from the How to ADHD channel! Her videos are also a treasure trove of ADHD info and tips that are presented in a fun and relatable way!
This is so unbelievably helpful. Instantly subscribed. Thank you. ❤
Edit: the outsourcing issue really hit a nerve. I want to embrace that fully without feeling like I've failed. My top outsourcing wishes are for: a house cleaner, more appointments with the dog groomer and a grocery delivery service. The cleaner being the top priority right now.
Just wow! I have never heard anyone describe that metacognition thing before, but you are spot on. Thanks for giving language to that, it's helped some things click for me and I can see how I already do this and how I can use it as a tool. This video was awesome and so affirming! Thank you so much. Definitely subscribing and can't wait to check out your other content x
Your presenting style is adorable. I enjoy listing to you speak. You are easier to follow than most. Thanks for keeping it real.
My mother is determined to make me panic and feel shame about any normal problem that comes up in life because that’s how she motivates herself and me as a kid to get it done. But I can’t function like that. First I must achieve calm and positivity and only then can I get anything done.
Omg, that’s SO my mother...panic mode from the word go, and gets offended when I refuse to panic with her 😂
us too omg, SAME.
And when we would tell her to stop bc we function differently she wouldn't care and even do harder. wtf is their problem
I have loved what you've just taught me. The shame and judgement I have suffered my whole life. At 69, I am just starting to be me again. The tips you've given me will help me tomorrow. I've known that I'm different and unique. So I have been trying my whole life to overcome others judgement of me. I'm in the middle of decluttering, cleaning and organizing my home. Everything has to be in clear containers . I have long term lists to save up money for. Like work that needs to be done on my truck. You've shown me I'm on the right track. Thank you very much. I really needed to hear all you said tonight. Gives me great hope. Susi
I was just diagnosed at 40, 4 days ago. I appreciate this video very much. thank you.
I made notes.
1. Marie Kondo it all: remove all clutter. store everything horizontally. anything out of sight is out of mind. store in a way that everything is visible
2. bullet journal: to calm yourself down when things get overwhelming
3. task initiation:
Hacks: metacognitive technique
a. the concept of a body double: having a friend or someone work alongside makes getting started in a relatively easier manner
b. this imagination that they are making a documentary of your life. and need footage of you working on something that you are working on now. So even if you are not really working, they need the footage of you pretending to work. So get down to pretending to work for the sake of the project.
understanding your own cognition in order to trick it: metacognition.
laziness, procrastination- wrong ways of looking at things - should understand that my brain is just wired this way. take away the shame and judgment out of it all.
4. just do the very very beginnings stages of the task. to get started. less than a minute. and then see how you are feeling (hack to get you started)
no shame no judgment (also, understand why you are doing the hack. both go hand in hand, the hack and why you are trying to pull the trick in order to make yourself work)
5. Emotional control: the traumatic experience of growing up. But I don't have to work on controlling my emotions alone. Depth of our emotions is our good thing. We feel deeply the relentless criticism, rejection. We need love and self-love and self-awareness and therapy and to believe that we have a right to a place for ourselves in this world.
Mindfulness
6. outsource things that you can't do or you are bad at (if you can).
thanks a ton!!
Ahhhhhh you’re amazing !!! This was amazing!! THANK YOU. I feel like you just validated my way of being in this world and that’s been sorely needed on a deep level.. I love the ‘documentary crew’ idea and also just doing the first stage of a task (getting your shoes before a walk) without actually committing to the task.
Lost for words... I can feel your amazing understanding and loving energy. Like a hug like I never got.
Much love.
Im truly moved.
The best 27 minutes of my life spent on a video. Thank you so much.
I really appreciate this video! Having ADHD can feel a lot like you're the only person in the world who struggles with this thing that everyone else seems to be so good at easily. Videos like this remind me that other people deal with this stuff and they've already done the hard work of learning how to overcome it.
Thank you all ppl who are coming out with the best strategies to help ppl who are struggling with adhd
I would love to give this so many thumbs up! Thank you so much❤️
Thank you so much for this video. I wish I'd had this knowledge decades ago. Marta Rose, you're awesome.
Oh wow, thank you so much! I'm sorry to be so late responding but I'm back in the UA-cam saddle, lots more to come. Hope all is well with you and yours.
This video may be 2 years old and pretty niche (or rather, UA-cam like to shove me the more huge popular channels?), but it's still very relevant for me!
Thank you so much for the very interesting rethinking of ADHD and the easy to understand explanations & practical solutions! It covers the things I've been concerned with after feeling like I only got half of the necessary step for healing (which is medicine, finally got it last December). Which sucks when it feels like my head is already full of many years worth of ADHD-related knowledge.
UA-cam recommended this video and thank you.
I am on the ADHD waiting list with NHS, but it is a 5 year waiting list.
For years I knew I thought differently and certain things really got to me,
but I am also an empath so people who are super frustrated and angry get
to me to the point where I snap at the people I work for, wondering why the
heck they don't do anything right. They all hide behind bull processes that
makes no sense. At all! I did laugh where you talked about our inability to
plan and process and how it is linked to our genius. Wholeheartedly agree.
;)
I am opposite to you. I can start easily, but know that whatever I try always
fails. As weird as it sounds as I have tried and failed, tried and failed, tried
and failed things hundreds of times. The first time I had a success in my
art work work (on a personal level), was dicovering a set of processes to
take 3d and turn it into a 2d illustration. It took 3 years repeatedly attempting
it and documenting my processes. Now when I do it, I still have to refer to
words I scribbled which would make no sense to an ordinary human being,
but at least, I know how to do it. The one thing I struggle with, which is not
so much an ADHD problem as it is an 'energy' problem is that I do not attract
attention, so any business I start, fails. Another person can follow the same
steps I take and 99.9% make a huge success. Eventually I stopped worrying
about things when I realised I could not physically make money in life. Now
I just concentrate on living a happy life.
I LOVE THIS WOMAN!!! So glad to finally see a mature woman speak on this subject. It’s like you have lived my life!!!
I’m just now hearing the term, “executive function”, & it sure explains a lot of the problems I’ve had/continue to have that I’ve been so ashamed of!!!
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! A million times, Thank you! I don’t care how long your videos are. I could listen to your clear way of describing all of this all day. This exact presentation would be a GREAT TED Talk IMHO! And 3 cheers for your hubby!!
This video is worth its weight in gold 🥇🥇
Thanks, I have been struggling with the shame aspect! And guilt. All my childhood my parents thought I was lazy !
It’s really not.
You are so awesome. Body doubling , pomodoro, and taking many reward breaks help much. And yes, no brain shame! Yes, tiny piece of task is 100 percent effective.
So thrilled to find your messages, i’m imagining having the funnest times talking through these ADBrains things. Where to start other than I LOVE TO RAMBLE TOO! Omg … imagine me leaping with the widest, teethyest smile, mid air … thats the delight i’m experiencing … thanks for doing you through the camera and being willing to hold the focus for others to see theirs and your genious … GENIOUS (whoops i have no idea if i’ve spelt that right) wee hee … soft and fluid, loosey goosey only taking on what you choosy cause life’s to short to halt like a horse or choke like a chook or bark like a dog … fluid like water trickeling through to where brains are safe and happy to listen to something that rings true … loosey goosey boogadeedoo i’m so freakin’ glad that you’re doing you! Happy days, Lisa Tui, a new ADBrain admirer (shiney bright eyed emoji thingy that hopefully conveys AWESOME!)
Im glad to know I’m not the only one kind of dissociating and feel like I’m observing my own life…
I’m excited to try out the “get your shoes” hack, because it seems pretty straightforward and also super easy remember. Whenever I can’t bring myself to start doing something, I’ll just think “get my shoes, get my shoes”!”And maybe I’ll forget why the heck I’m thinking about shoes at the minute because my memory is crap as well, but it’s worth a shot 😂
Marie Kondo is great, and I also find the FLY lady method extremely helpful in cleaning and organizing the house.
I just recent got diagnosed at age 52 in 2022. So glad I found u.... Subscribed, liked and u are on my favs list...!!!! I connect with everything you've said and I agree with it. So nice to know there are people out there who get it. I've felt so alone in this since childhood.
Great video. This helps. It's a push in the right direction. Even just knowing that I can outsource if/when I reach panic levels of forcing myself could help me, and if I can't get rid of stuff myself I'll hire help to be in the same room. You've encouraged me to think about the metacognition of my mindfulness as a layer of thought rather than just something to analyze from time to time. Not that I'm sure that I can focus to put this into practice, starting anything is so difficult! But I'm thankful to have seen this!
I don't have ADHD, but this video feels like drinking water when you are very thirsty. The mention of How to ADHD video about bullet journals made me feel so excited, because it was a life changer for me. And then the comment about the bullet journal being useful to help calm the chaos and the anxiety... I felt tears in my eyes. I've had anxiety almost all my life (many times followed by depression-like periods, because it drains my emotional energy) and even when I feel ok, so many times I've wandered around the house knowing there are many things to be done but feeling that everything is so abstract... The bullet journal, simpliflying my life (mari kondoing), dividing tasks and having my thoughts and ideas written down with an index has helped me so so much... For the first time since I fly free as an adult I feel I'm starting to find inner peace, and it's such a relief 😭
*Big* *thanks* *to* *the* *people* *on* *the* *Internet.*
Shame and judgment are haunting me all my life I hated myself for being me. Recently diagnosed at 33 years old hope I can find a way to become productive and accepted by society. Thanks for this video you are awesome!
Diagnosed this year at 40
I love the camera crew idea! I had never heard that one
Finallly learning this stuff at 78. Very relevant video…THANK YOU
“The messes we make are in service to our genius”
I love this so much.
Thank you for this as it helps me understand my daughter who was only recently diagnosed with ADHD even though she is now 28 years old. It was probably inherited from her mother who was never diagnosed and her defence mechanism for all the abandonment and rejection you speak about was to live in denial to the point of delusion which helped to split our marriage. We need to lose the taboos over mental illness and to recognise and accommodate the whole spectrum of human conditions with wisdom and compassion.
i only wish someone told be these powerful words 10-15y ago! many thanks to you
lady you are as beautiful on the inside as outside
The best things I did last year are minimalist everything + painting one of my room’s wall with writable paint instead of having regular planner .. still want to find something improve my short term memory + want to find a good and easy system to deal with My laptop and Phone clutter
Wow. I love you for making this video. I just noticed that it was posted before the pandemic but so much of what you were saying applies to that/this awful time.
I was freaking out and listening to you talk calmed me down :')
Out of all the ADD-related videos I watched, this is among the most useful ones! Thanks for sharing all those tips and ideas🙏🙏🙏
This was great! I just interviewed someone yesterday to help me with Advertizing Tasks. and I am an Ad person. But I can’t do it all.!! Thanks🦋
I could feel your emotions ...Thanks for this video
Thank you!!! You have know clue how much I have struggled with this. I'm Undiagnosed
A true neurodivergent radical! Thank you. I especially like the tip about the shoes. Just do the smallest part of the thing and then decide if you want to continue.
you expressed very well, without degrading us...
I was surprised by how much I appreciated this video-sooo many good useful points, and it closed with a bang. I’ve just recently come around to the outsourcing part and it’s been a game changer. We’ve got ‘big feelings’ which use up a lot of energy, so we should preserve it when possible.
I have so many useful skills, that I end up bartering with friends & family a lot! Outsourcing tasks was easier than I thought it would be. Thank you for this list! I’m so glad I clicked!🙏🏾🌈❤️
That vertical storing hack was really nice on my noggin.
This video has sum up my entire life learning this way of life the past two years .
I really appreciate the empathy and compassion. RSD is a life wrecker, and you're right - we are *not* born with that; it's beaten into us, literally and figuratively.
12:08 is my testimony. It's nice when you come to the realization that, I'm not lazy, stupid or inadequate.
The only thing with the clear containers is that they offgas toxic fumes so things smell like that horrible plastic. I only keep them in the basement so I am not breathing the plastic fumes, but even that I still wonder about.
Thanks for making this. I've been churning on ways to make everything make sense, and this felt like a lot of ways to make things work in ways I haven't heard about before. Thanks for working so hard on this!
@3minutes I was hoping you would say Marie Kondo!!! hahaha. The beginning of not losing track of stuff.
Emotional control can come from being emotionally regulated. A lot of people suffer from dis-regulated emotions which is important to understand. It's a trauma response and not the same as 'learning to control your emotions'. I encourage everyone to look up emotional disregulation.
I didn't know there was a name for it, but the body double hack is really helpful! I just started online college and my mom (who also has ADHD) just started a fitness instructor course, and we've been meeting at coffee shops once a week to study for a few hours. I'll admit that during hard times, it'll be the only work I get done all week
So you just identified a list of really serious struggles that we have due to adhd but you think its not a pathology? You know, you’re doing us a disservice by telling the world there’s nothing wrong with us, and it’s great having ADHD? You must be on a mild ADHD symptom level to think that, but ADHD is suffering, that’s what it is!
hashim khan I’m sorry you are suffering. I’m also sorry that you didn’t really hear what I said. I stand by my fundamental belief that your suffering is not caused by a pathology in your brain, but rather a pathology in our society. I don’t want you to suffer. I want to change society so you don’t have to. But if you insist the cause of your suffering is caused by a defect in your brain, you are certainly not alone and you are entitled to your belief. We can agree to disagree.
@@TheSpiralLab Constantly forgetting, misplacing, and losing valuable possessions is a pathology in society? Not being able to make appointments, get to work or uni on time, is that a pathology in society or is it my inability to remember and be aware of time? What are they supposed to do, tell me to come to work whenever I want? What about impulsiveness, if I get angry and lash out at someone or am impatient and cross a red light, who needs to change, society or me?
This is the best video I watched this year 😊 this is so helpful
I want to add that it’s not a dysfunction. It’s a natural way for a person’s brain to be, simply a lot less common. Society sees it as a dysfunction because we maybe can’t perform as well with the tasks that society has ordered upon us
imho it is a dysfunction when I’ve been trying to do my laundry for 3 weeks and I can’t
Emily Huynh bingo
Emily Huynh
Exactly. I can do the smaller tasks, the bigger tasks I can’t seem to jumpstart my brain in gear to start.
It’s definitely a dysfunction & unless you live with it, you don’t understand it.
I agree 100%. 1000% that it is not a dysfunction. More on that soon!
It is both a disfunction and not. It is like being deaf in that if everyone was deaf being deaf isn’t a disability, they have perfectly good sign languages. But they live in a bearing world and to do that they and we do need a special label or for example they wouldn’t be entitled to interpreters, and we on a lesser scale need people to facilitate us to function in a non adhd world. If the majority was adhd and then minority not then they would be seen as the disordered ones, lacking in empathy and holistic abilities, considered scarily like robots blind to all sorts of things
I use some of these hacks and have experimented with others. I don't use the Bullet Journal system but I use a DIY planner to help me remember to do stuff. These last couple of days I didn't use it & Sat I forgot to take my HBP pills!
I use the "I'm only going to write for 10 minutes" trick to help me get started writing. I also use a timer. And I eliminate other distractions & just sit there with my writing project until the resistance goes away.
I use my husband occasionally as a body double/task buddy. Sometimes I don't want to do groceries or errands & having him come along makes it easier.
I've considered outsourcing the housekeeping many times but always talk myself out of it. The whole thing is so hard.
Omg🥺for the first time I feel completely unwinded, God Bless You sweet soul 💕🌷🌿
Omg! I'm hearing myself described in a few videos. I think I really need to get this investigated.
Make a list of what needs to get done
Sort it by delivery time and difficulty.
Set a daily amount of time to work in your tasks.
Start with closest delivery and most difficulty.
If a deadline is far away, break the tasks in smaller sub-tasks with a shorter "delivery".
My friend and I do music together. Every now and then we make plans for an extra practice session in the middle of the week when she's up at the church working in the office. Several times now (4? 5?) in the recent past (6 months? a year?) I have missed appointments with her or been 15 minutes late because I **almost** forgot. If I were in her shoes, I would be mildly annoyed at me for forgetting, but go about my day continuing to work in the office with more free time or I would call and ask (which granted she sometimes does). But she is a very busy person and has learned to be very regimented, whether she realizes it or not. As such she relies on people keeping a schedule. She tells me she can be flexible--just let her know if I'm not going to make it... but the thing is I don't know what I don't know.
Thursday as I was getting ready for work I suddenly realized "IT'S THURSDAY!" and by that time it was an hour past the appointment. I KNEW the appointment was 2pm Thursday. I had a note on my desk. I knew it was important not to forget. I knew that yesterday was Wednesday. But when I woke up I didn't put the pieces together. And it was too late. Now she doesn't want to meet up anymore during the week (we still see each other on Sundays). Thing is, because I have a hard time perceiving the passage of time, I've hurt a valued relationship. So excuse me if I'm having a hard time being kind to my brain, but I just don't know what to do.
I'm also a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding in two months, and between a bridal shower, planning a bachelorette "party", shopping for gifts and shoes online and making sure they arrive on time, and any as-of-yet unscheduled rehearsal dinners, plus other appointments like dentist appointments and church functions that I'm helping with, I'm currently freaked that I'm going to forget something else important to me. Especially when other daily tasks absorb my attention like keeping up in the garden before it's too late to plant things (I already missed the deadline for direct sowing broccoli), replying to texts, banking, making dinner, etc. I have a planner, but I worry if I forgot to put something on it... or that I won't look at it in time.
I think the reason the executive functioning issues are so highlighted is because at least for me, the executive functioning issues literally ruin my life every day and immediately fuck up all hope there is for me to progress; which make me extremely angry and ashamed of myself and when you’re in it, it’s hard to remember that it’s not a personal or moral failure
I agree with feeling more crippled by feeling like we have so many executive dysfunctions because of constantly being told about it vs having our strengths being highlighted
This video was worth watching. thanks.
Thank you for this lovely video.
I’m so opposite at times the mess is just overwhelming!
Ty, im learning about my brain. Great video
Intermittent bullet journaler. Perfection. You would like John Taylor Gatto, probably.
Kondoing and bullet journaling will not help me. My home isn't terribly messy and I know what I need to do every day.
However, I get lost along the way. I forget to look at to-do lists and journals and calendars. I forget they exist. I struggle to even start doing the things I know I'm supposed to be doing (I work from home--so this problem is HUGE because there are zero external cues.). I procrastinate until the day is gone and I have zero sense of time passing. This is an executive function issue that no amount of intellect, kondoing, and bullet journaling will fix. I often don't even do the things I want to do, enjoy doing, daily--like sewing, painting, spinning, and knitting. All would be great rewards for getting a job done, but I procrastinate (I one-more-thing myself into oblivion constantly) all the time away until even those are beyond reach.
Look, I understand how one could come to resent the ADHD-industrial-complex for hammering home on certain things. Telling us WHAT to do doesn't help--I think we know what we need to be doing. You're right to say that the therapists do NOT GET IT. It's shaming and demeaning to say, "just do it." I've had therapists tell me that for decades and they threaten all kinds of things including firing me as a patient if I can't manage to do what they ask (usually exercise). The problem there is THEIR TRAINING because they clearly did not recognize that I had ADHD (I'm 49 years old and newly diagnosed--only because my kids were!) and if they did, I doubt they would have changed that mantra.
Getting over the hump from knowing WHAT we need to do, to actually DOING the thing we need to do, is the real problem. Decades before I discovered my ADHD I often sighed and said, "I need a keeper." What I meant was--someone to tell me when to do what and make sure that I'm doing it, in a loving, non-judgemental way. I don't know that there is anyone in our lives that could actually do that for us. I can't ask my spouse or friends to do that for me.
But there are things I can do. I can program my router to not allow me internet access until early evening--some routers have settings like this down to the device level--so my kids and husband can still have access while my devices are blocked). My biggest problem is my curiosity and innate desire to learn new things--I get stuck on the internet, completely enthralled, exploring all of my interests. I constantly tell myself that I will go work when I'm done reading this or done watching that, but then there's always the next thing that catches my eye and it's a never-ending cycle.
So, first: I have to block the main distraction. Second, I think the key is to have a dedicated space for the work you're supposed to be doing. I'm working on creating that for myself. Just a corner of my dining room. Third: I'm making up schedules that I'm posting all over the house stating what I'm supposed to be doing at any given time. It needs to be constantly visible. A constant reminder for when I slip down some kind of rabbit hole. And fourth: I'm setting my phone to alarm when it's time for a change of activity. This may not always work for me because I'm also dealing with atypical OCD--I get obsessed with topics and items. But I'm in the early stages of my diagnosis and I haven't even tried medication yet so I'm very hopeful for my future.
I'm also going to be honest with my friends and spouse about what I accomplished each day. They are my cheerleaders. Telling them I reached my goals is a powerful incentive for me.
One more thing: I was actually a very productive individual until menopause hit three years ago. It is well-known that the hormonal disruption worsens ADHD. I stopped functioning at all as an adult at that time. I felt like I was going absolutely crazy. Finally, finally, finally I know what is wrong. The mental health system is overburdened and understaffed right now due to covid so getting treatment is taking forever, but it will happen. Until then, I can try everything in my power to begin to enact some kind of schedule as I described.
very well laid out content :)
CHOSE TO ACCEPT DO BEST I. CAN LET GO OUTCOME THAT I DO NOT HAVE ABSOLUTE CONTROL OVER NO THEY DO NOT ALWAYS JUDGE US WE CHOSE TO ALLOW THEM SO SET BOUNDARIES BE VERY KIND TO SELF AN GIVE SELF A CONGRATS GOOD JOB PRAISE YEAHHHH
I loved this so very much, thank you ❤
Marta, you hit the nail on the head! All of these are SO important! Especially meta cognition and outsourcing.
Girl say ADHD industry again I love it
When I first moved into my college apartment I used Konmari method to help get organized and that was so helpful. With covid and coming back to my parents house, being in a transitional period where I don’t know what I need and halving all this stuff I don’t know what to do with I’ve felt so overwhelmed I’ve been living in one pile of stuff for most of the past year. But I gotta say you just reminded me that Marie kondo exists and I feel like there might be a way out of the abyss that is my room
Very cool - thank you for this.
Teachers would be able to emotionally handle a LOT more diversity in students if they had no more than 10 students EVER. I agree that when people say, “You are disregulated” just because you got angry about an actual trespass, it really means stop making me feel uncomfortable by feeling so much and expressing it!
Where are the links she was going ro include from earlier on in this video? Bullet journals and ...I already forgot the other thing. 😂😂 an adhd site I hadn't heard of before.
I’ve often thought if I just had cameras following me that would help me get it together
This video actually made me feel some pretty deep feelings. Thank you.
I run late, I will be late to my own funeral. I figured out a way to trick myself to be on time, but it requires the help of people (mostly family) asking me to be somewhere on time. The trick is telling me that the arrival time is 2 hours earlier than the actual time of event. But it only works if everyone plays along, and the “trick” is not mentioned. It actually works, but it seems “the people” would rather not have to do that, “because I’m an adult and should be responsible and I should be able to just do it like “normal adults”. It’s very disheartening that the people I’m closest to seem unwilling to accommodate a tiny request, and instead respond in ways that cause me to feel more dysfunctional. It almost seems like they would rather have something to bitch at me about because it makes them feel better about themselves.
I didn’t even know I have ADHD until recently but all my life I’ve had people tell me I need to get organized, as if I didn’t know.
On telling yourself that you'll just do the first part of a task. I think the healthiest habit here is to get through the fiddly bits that are easy, so that you can tell whether you really want to do the thing or not. Your example of putting your shoes on, and then deciding if you want to go on a walk is perfect. Our brains can get overwhelmed with multi-step processes, so they might just be going to the easier default of MAKE EXCUSE rather than the harder task of JUDGE WHETHER ALL STEPS NEEDED ARE WORTH IT. But if you get past everything except the actual task itself, your brain can go "do I want to do this straightforward thing, or not?" And if we allow ourselves to answer no, then we'll feel okay about sticking with this process as a habit.