I don't think all children raised in abusive or neglectful families believe it is normal. In fact, much of the trauma is related to the fact that they know it is not normal but are trapped and unable to exercise personal agency. But I do believe that their nervous system attunes to the chaotic energy of the dysfunctional family system. In fact, co-regulation of one's nervous system occurs long before an infant acquires the cognitive abilities to process info and speak. In adulthood, we are not necessarily repeating or seeking to repeat the same behaviors (e.g father alcoholic, marry an alcoholic) as this is overly simplistic. Rather, as in attachment theory, we seek out patterns of attachment in adult that stem from difficulties with attachment in childhood.
I always thought that once one recognizes a childhood trauma it's half the battle won! I spent my early school years dreading each day I had to go to school for fear of being bullied, belittled and abused in many way, because that's what I experienced on a daily basis for years! Since my family moved to London, my world as I knew it, collapsed and having literally fallen from grace my education suffered on this account, and my confidence levels reached rock bottom. Today, I am an elderly woman but unfortunately I have not been able to get past these harrowing experiences and I'm left with the scars of feeling inferior, self conscious and an inability to connect with others. How can I ever get past this?!
@elanasomekh1125 what I can think of is for you to undo the story of abuse and update it with information about the loving relationships you have in your life now. Reframing is helping me a lot so is inner child work. I am by no means an expert. It also helps me to know that I have some very solid friends who show me that I am a capable friend and who respect me. All the bullies are in the rear view mirror so much so, they very seldom come to mind. Yay! What has also helped has been professional help, meditations visualizations,journaling, exercising and singing. Praying to God and knowing that it is an order for me to trust Him and to through my anxieties to Him because He asks me to do so, relieves me of a lot. I also know now that it is my responsibility, an order, for me to find what is positive. I would say try all healing methods you can find, see what works for you and keep asking questions. Where there's a will there's a way. You can heal yourself Elana! You are precious. A stranger from the internet knows that about you. Much love and best to you! ❤
Thank you this all makes a great deal of sense, my childhood trauma stems from my earliest recollection from about 3yrs old when my mother was in hospital, the fear of abandonment, afraid to go to sleep in case she died in the night then waking up terrified in case she was gone add to that the fact my father would often walk out after an argument with her so I was terrified he would not come back, I’ve done inner child work but I seem to be at the constant freeze state, now in my mid 70s I still wake up terrified as I am now alone, and I can’t control this early morning fear because i feel abandoned, so I realise I am in the repeat mode and can’t seem to find a way to break free from this habit, your channel helps me recognise this but I feel a failure because I can’t control how terrified I feel when I wake, and I also realise I’m looking for that SOMEONE to so called rescue me
OMG! I grew up in an incredibly serene, drama free house when my mom was home. The chaos only took place when she was away. So my adult life is calm and drama free, but I married an alcoholic and my life is incredibly serene and drama free...except when my husband's alcoholism takes his rationality and good judgment away.
I really, really wish I knew how to turn off that reading people thing. I do it basically constantly and it's really emotionally exhausting. I learned to look for signs my Mum was getting ill - she had schizophrenia and bipolar so from birth I was conditioned to be this way by my circumstances. It's so ingrained and automatic for me that I have only been able to make attempts at managing my response to me reading people - i.e. trying to ignore what I pick up on. Problem with that is that all I do is sit with alarm bells going off in my head until I DO something about the perceived problem with whatever is going on with the other person. Which kinda feels worse to sit with. And it's been over a decade of trying to do this but it just doesn't get easier. Bit of a vent here really. I don't think I'm looking for advice in the UA-cam comment section as that could be chaotic, but yeah IDK I guess it just suck sometimes.
Not being able to trust adults. so whenever I have to trust someone I still go through the list of how to tray to control the situation, because just beneath a paper thin surface, I suspect other are just in it for them selves, while no one really is in it for me. Just found you, and thank you for sharing your knowledge, so organized and easy to understand.
Hi doc thank you for the time taken to look deeply into anxiety and how it affects us worriers. The struggle I am having is the focus on the alarms to charge the thinking turmoil of anxiety in the mind. When I am anxious it’s my mind doing all of the overthinking then comes the alarm. For me to change the alarms I usually change my focus. I can’t see how changing the alarms will alter my thinking? As I readjust my thinking my body follow suite. I need more help in understanding how to calm the body so the thinking will change.
I find this so interesting! This is the first time you have mentioned ADHD and I really wanted to ask you about spectrum disorders is there a connection between trauma and ADHD or ASD. This is me right now with how many windows open while working oops! I also have been diagnosed with ADHD and have a major compulsion to buy things, I don't think it helps that my mum use to take me shopping.
My daughter has medical fears, always worrying about being sick, googling symptoms etc worries about tests and procedures to the point of avoiding Doctors. So it becomes a cycle of fearing illness and not getting treatment. I am at a loss how to help her because any suggestion of seeing a professional adds to the anxiety? Can you please post on this? I love your videos. Thank you
Could it be that being afraid of driving the car or driving somewhere on my own is my repetition of my childhood trauma, copyed for more than 30 years from my mom? Coming out a the age of 38?
I don't think all children raised in abusive or neglectful families believe it is normal. In fact, much of the trauma is related to the fact that they know it is not normal but are trapped and unable to exercise personal agency. But I do believe that their nervous system attunes to the chaotic energy of the dysfunctional family system. In fact, co-regulation of one's nervous system occurs long before an infant acquires the cognitive abilities to process info and speak. In adulthood, we are not necessarily repeating or seeking to repeat the same behaviors (e.g father alcoholic, marry an alcoholic) as this is overly simplistic. Rather, as in attachment theory, we seek out patterns of attachment in adult that stem from difficulties with attachment in childhood.
I always thought that once one recognizes a childhood trauma it's half the battle won! I spent my early school years dreading each day I had to go to school for fear of being bullied, belittled and abused in many way, because that's what I experienced on a daily basis for years! Since my family moved to London, my world as I knew it, collapsed and having literally fallen from grace my education suffered on this account, and my confidence levels reached rock bottom. Today, I am an elderly woman but unfortunately I have not been able to get past these harrowing experiences and I'm left with the scars of feeling inferior, self conscious and an inability to connect with others. How can I ever get past this?!
@elanasomekh1125 what I can think of is for you to undo the story of abuse and update it with information about the loving relationships you have in your life now. Reframing is helping me a lot so is inner child work. I am by no means an expert. It also helps me to know that I have some very solid friends who show me that I am a capable friend and who respect me. All the bullies are in the rear view mirror so much so, they very seldom come to mind. Yay! What has also helped has been professional help, meditations visualizations,journaling, exercising and singing. Praying to God and knowing that it is an order for me to trust Him and to through my anxieties to Him because He asks me to do so, relieves me of a lot. I also know now that it is my responsibility, an order, for me to find what is positive. I would say try all healing methods you can find, see what works for you and keep asking questions. Where there's a will there's a way. You can heal yourself Elana! You are precious. A stranger from the internet knows that about you. Much love and best to you! ❤
Thank you this all makes a great deal of sense, my childhood trauma stems from my earliest recollection from about 3yrs old when my mother was in hospital, the fear of abandonment, afraid to go to sleep in case she died in the night then waking up terrified in case she was gone add to that the fact my father would often walk out after an argument with her so I was terrified he would not come back, I’ve done inner child work but I seem to be at the constant freeze state, now in my mid 70s I still wake up terrified as I am now alone, and I can’t control this early morning fear because i feel abandoned, so I realise I am in the repeat mode and can’t seem to find a way to break free from this habit, your channel helps me recognise this but I feel a failure because I can’t control how terrified I feel when I wake, and I also realise I’m looking for that SOMEONE to so called rescue me
Wow! Doctor Kennedy! I can't thank you enough for your book and these presentations. All of this is a priceless gift and you are a healer.
Very true. We find comfort in our "normal" whether it's a healthy norm or not.
Excellent explanation Dr.Russell , always looking forward for your next video! You are always gonna be our great supporter
4:50 taking on too much is real-but it seems to be a necessity for most thanks to the pressures of economic precarity on our timenergy.
OMG! I grew up in an incredibly serene, drama free house when my mom was home. The chaos only took place when she was away. So my adult life is calm and drama free, but I married an alcoholic and my life is incredibly serene and drama free...except when my husband's alcoholism takes his rationality and good judgment away.
I really, really wish I knew how to turn off that reading people thing. I do it basically constantly and it's really emotionally exhausting. I learned to look for signs my Mum was getting ill - she had schizophrenia and bipolar so from birth I was conditioned to be this way by my circumstances. It's so ingrained and automatic for me that I have only been able to make attempts at managing my response to me reading people - i.e. trying to ignore what I pick up on. Problem with that is that all I do is sit with alarm bells going off in my head until I DO something about the perceived problem with whatever is going on with the other person. Which kinda feels worse to sit with. And it's been over a decade of trying to do this but it just doesn't get easier. Bit of a vent here really. I don't think I'm looking for advice in the UA-cam comment section as that could be chaotic, but yeah IDK I guess it just suck sometimes.
Not being able to trust adults. so whenever I have to trust someone I still go through the list of how to tray to control the situation, because just beneath a paper thin surface, I suspect other are just in it for them selves, while no one really is in it for me.
Just found you, and thank you for sharing your knowledge, so organized and easy to understand.
Thank you!
Hi doc thank you for the time taken to look deeply into anxiety and how it affects us worriers. The struggle I am having is the focus on the alarms to charge the thinking turmoil of anxiety in the mind. When I am anxious it’s my mind doing all of the overthinking then comes the alarm. For me to change the alarms I usually change my focus. I can’t see how changing the alarms will alter my thinking? As I readjust my thinking my body follow suite. I need more help in understanding how to calm the body so the thinking will change.
I find this so interesting! This is the first time you have mentioned ADHD and I really wanted to ask you about spectrum disorders is there a connection between trauma and ADHD or ASD. This is me right now with how many windows open while working oops! I also have been diagnosed with ADHD and have a major compulsion to buy things, I don't think it helps that my mum use to take me shopping.
My daughter has medical fears, always worrying about being sick, googling symptoms etc worries about tests and procedures to the point of avoiding Doctors. So it becomes a cycle of fearing illness and not getting treatment. I am at a loss how to help her because any suggestion of seeing a professional adds to the anxiety? Can you please post on this? I love your videos. Thank you
I feel defective man, how can i change what im familiar with? I dont want to be familiar with utter trash when there is diamond.
Could it be that being afraid of driving the car or driving somewhere on my own is my repetition of my childhood trauma, copyed for more than 30 years from my mom? Coming out a the age of 38?
The chaos in our heads is due to disassociation
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Ummmm... 15 windows? Dare I share my number?
Oops, guilty of that. In this very moment of my life 😮😳
I become a giver.And became a abandoholic.