I went through hell in the hands of my partner in Nigeria. I knew that if I divorced him in Nigeria he would have killed me. I planned my move to Canada. I was the principal applicant. I planned to divorce him if he fails to change abroad. Indeed he remained horrible I had to divorce him immediately.
13years of marriage came abroad 5 years ago and still with my wife.The problem just as you have said is the men they still want to act as If they are in Nigeria.The faster they learn how to adapt the better for them else it will be the same story.
I have been with my husband in the US for 20years peacefully. He’s the one running all the fronts tho I’m a nurse making it big. We have 3 kids, 2 are in university and the youngest is going to college this fall by The Special Grace of God. You’re are absolutely correct Neze! I respect and listens to my hubby a lot. And im truly enjoying every Moment. All thanks to God
I have been married for 30 years and I make bold to say: your husband is not ‘threatened’ by your success. Also, some men earn respect and make submission easy as they want the best for the home.
I agree with you, only a marriage that was already flawed that will get worse. When a woman discovers that she doesn't have to endure abuse, oppression, and that she has rights just like the men, she will take the option to get out. If I'm abused when back in my home country, and we move abroad and still get abused, I'll call the authorities. Of course, we agree there are bad apples among us women.
May God almighty bless you Neze for this video. With no form of disrespect to men, you men can do better. Life in abroad should be both parties helping each other all round.
There are so many separations and divorce amongst Africans in the WEST. In the USA there is high rate of Divorce amongst Africans due to many factors as you alluded in your exposition. Chief amongst them is Financial. One big mistake I have seen is African men empowered their Wives to pursue tertiary education mainly nursing, with the hope of recouping bigger income upon their graduation. After graduation they will want to control the income of their wives, especially knowing they’re earning less. The mistake many African men do is refusing to empower themselves by going for higher education in order to be at per with their wives. Most of the time EGO creeps in leading to bitter divorce.
So how does a man empower himself when is busy fending for the whole family?? So because a woman earn more than the man now, she shouldn't summit to the man.
@@olilumgbalu5653 so men are trying to pimp their wife bcuz they asking the wife that you paid or contribute financially to her education, to help contribute financially to the household. You're making up some fantasy situations in your head, that's not the reality on ground my friend.
@@abiodunotu2591my husband was in pharmacy school in another state. I worked in a the daycare my two babies attended as they were a year apart. I rented a one bedroom house, saved over half of my paycheck. Applied for financial aid and had over half of my tuition paid and took a loan for the rest. Applied for food stamps, Medicaid and childcare. All I did was reduce my expenses got a prn CNA job and worked when I could until I graduated from nursing school . As someone who has done it I don’t see why someone will say they sponsored someone in school while holding down the family. I’m yet to see a man who paid their wives tuition out of pocket because most people who go to school rely on Pell Grant and loans. Maybe people are not just informed. I have and still working, contributing in my house financially, doing almost all the chores and still paying my tuition out of pocket. When I finally graduate and practice as a nurse practitioner no one will understand. Most women build themselves single handed and some men instead of respecting the woman for her strength they become intimidated, subject them to torture and the public gives them credit that they made the woman.
@@abiodunotu2591 Pls try to ask these women if it was easy for them to go to school. I went to nursing school as a single woman so it was relatively easy but I went with a woman who was 9 months pregnant and only gave herself a weekend of 'break' before joining us. Another one was constantly pumping milk in class for her newborn, and one was bringing her kid to class because there was no one to watch him. Some of them were single mothers, with no one to support them. We also had a married man with 2 kids and 1 had special needs that needed a lot of care, but he still managed to come for classes while also working a full-time job. If you want something, you'll go for it. No excuses. A woman earning more than her husband doesn't mean she can't submit but you can't control her money any way you like and you will have to participate in household chores if she works full time, unless you want to pay for domestic help. So many married women look so tired and older than their age because everything is on them. And you want such a woman to submit?
LONG POST ALERT! To those who believe that laws and customs favour women “abroad,” you need to take a look back in history for context. The abuse that many Africans normalise in patriarchal Africa used to also be the norm in the Western world. In fact, there are still men in the Western world who hold abusive, patriarchal worldviews. It is sadly interesting that the abuse of women has always been a worldwide phenomenon, to the point that some don’t know any other way and believe it to be normal. According to the UK charity, Refuge, 2 women are killed every week in England and Wales through domestic violence, and domestic violence costs the UK an estimated £23 billion annually. Over the years, many have fought against this abuse and gradually, there began to be laws, movements, organisations, campaigns and the like, to protect women against abuse from men. And vice versa, protecting men from abusive women. Much of the laws are however focused on women because historically, they are more frequently the ones who are disadvantaged in abusive relationships. Women are more often the ones who take career breaks or abandon their careers to raise families. Women are often paid less than men. There are some jobs, positions or salaries that women cannot attain. Many women don’t work long enough to accrue a pension or retirement income. And women are physically weaker, more often the victims of domestic or relationship abuse and there are subsequently more women in the world living under the poverty line. For all these reasons and more, many governments have been working to protect women, not just from abuse, but from the consequences of abuse. For example, one form of officially recognised abuse is preventing a woman from getting a job. Or the husband demanding that she hands over her salary to him. Or preventing her from getting an education so that she remains dependent on her husband. . The consequences of such financial abuse include the woman not having any pension or retirement income, or mental ill health from the years of trauma in that abuse. Which also impacts her physical health (costing the taxpayer money). Which puts their children in an unhealthy environment to grow up in (costing the taxpayer more money). Which increases the likelihood that they will have poor life outcomes and replicate their home situations (need I say it again?). And then, the government has to take on the burden of providing for such women in their old age. Or footing their medical/mental health bills from the relationship battery. And rehabilitating the children who grew up in that abuse. I’m a teacher and I see many of such women and children in the course of my work. There are therefore now laws against the various forms of abuse for all, but especially for the usual victims - women and children. For example, in the event of a divorce, the more economically empowered one has to support the less empowered one, which means men supporting their ex-wives (though sometimes, it’s the other way around). There are now campaigns everywhere enlightening the public on what abuse is, what it looks like and how to get help if you are being abused. There are charities and social enterprises helping women and children, and also men, to escape abusive homes and re-establish elsewhere. There are benefits you can claim if you have to flee domestic abuse, so that you are not trapped for lack of money. And because the woman is more often worse impacted by homelessness, she gets to stay in the house while an abusive man has to leave. It is not that the laws favour women. It is that there are now laws to level the playing field, shifting the balance of power away from the stronger, more economically empowered spouse so that the weaker, less economically empowered one doesn’t remain disadvantaged, as we sadly see wherever patriarchy rules in the world. It is a society where all have equal rights and the law supports those who have historically been deprived of dignity. . Bearing all this in mind, it is often a very big shock to any African man who has been abusive to his wife back home that his old ways are not the norm abroad. And it is often a pleasant surprise to abused African wives that there is support to escape the abuse when they ‘japa.’ As Neze has implied, no living thing wants to be abused and will always revolt against abuse, whether it is a human being, an animal or a plant. Because God created us all to be free. Bondage and suffering are the devil’s handwork and it is natural to run away from them. Life is a lot tougher abroad socially, because you don’t have that support network that we do in Africa. It is a very capitalist society where you have to work very hard and pay through your eyes for a decent life. Both men and women have to work in the average home and everyone pays tax once you reach 18, unless you remain in full time education or training. A woman contributes both money and labour to the smooth running of the home and she is out working as many hours as the husband. In some cases, even more. So, that “Lord of the Rings” attitude, as Neze called it, cannot work here the way it may have worked in Africa. The women are quick to adapt to the change as it empowers them. Many of the men, however, cannot accept it as it takes away their unquestioned ‘right to abuse.’ And this is when a woman who is fed up of abuse sees an open door and escapes. . Personally, I think that churches, mosques and community organisations in Africa need to start offering ‘japa’ marriage counselling. Those who have lived abroad and know Western norms should be brought on board to prepare ‘japaring’ couples. If a religious, community or family leader knows that a couple’s relationship is rocky, they should counsel them to fix it before they ‘japa.’ Or else, the culture shock will rip the marriage apart. On the other hand, a couple who has built a strong foundation on mutual love, respect and hard work is better placed to withstand the culture shock. Those who stay together are more than those who break up. And those who bring you the bad news MAKE MONEY by telling you of the bad break ups, not by reporting on happy African ‘japa marriages.’ Hence you may get the wrong impression that it is an African ‘epidemic’ abroad. . So, please, let us do our homework very well before we emigrate. Let people choose marriage partners wisely. Let parents raise kindhearted, God-fearing and well adjusted children who can grow up and become wholesome partners and spouses. Also, let the African media, such as Nollywood, do more to normalise loving marriages rather than the abuse they often depict. Let them show supportive in-laws and stop perpetrating the stereotype of abusive ones. Because these are only reinforcing a culture of marital cruelty. As communities in Africa, let us work hard to eradicate abusive norms and ideologies. It is time to get rid of misogyny and a culture of abuse. Many Africans are relocating around the world now. If the Black race is to continue growing and remaining resistant to external threats, we need to focus on building healthy marriages and homes. Let’s stop raising our sons to believe that paying dowry or bride price means they are buying someone’s daughter, to do with as they please. Let’s raise men who commit to the partnership of marriage rather than the ownership of women. And let’s raise our daughters to partner with their husbands to build happy homes. If both a husband and his wife feel safe and loved in their marriage, they can weather any storm, including ‘japa.’ It is not “abroad” that destroys marriages. It is simply a test of how well grounded the marriage is. Truth be told, many Nigerian marriages are only held together by convenience. Many women are enduring cruelty from their husbands and in-laws who think their cruel actions are ‘tradition.’ So, when the family moves to a place where such cruelty is a crime and there is help to escape it, the abused spouse seizes the opportunity to escape. Nobody in their right mind chooses abuse. And no one in their right mind, in a happy marriage, chooses escape. So, if you want to ‘japa,’ you had better re-examine your marriage and work out any wahala. Get rid of that ‘Odogwu Complex’ or else your marriage will not last. And don’t blame any spouse for escaping from abuse.
This is one of the most brilliant, if not the most brilliant, piece I have read on this issue. Thank you for taking your time to detail the cause, effects and solution.
You've said it all. Anyone overburdened and overwhelmed with chores will one day lose it. Whether a wife, husband or house-help. It takes collaboration to manage the home front.
Barrister Neze I admire your intelligence and wisdom. You said absolute truth. Once situational marriage gets here in UK/abroad it clashes! Genuine marriage will be refreshed, renewed and sweeten in UK/abroad. Who don't like better thing?
@@abiodunotu2591 Really? I disagree with you. You're just defending men. Most of Nigerian men married to build together with their wives. Well to do men don't go into marriage blindly they are selective and marry ladies with something upstairs and high potentials
@@gloriaamakaezeobi-ozulu4712 that's what most of the men think until the reality of situations hits them, most educated women are the worst for marriages, once they are doing better than you financially, you're in trouble.
Men with this kind of mentality don't allow their wives to shine . Abeg that marriage lacks love . Its situational marriage! Insecurity and competition in marriage lead to disaster. Marriage issues are so sensitive and broad so let true love lead
Thank you so much for this video. Any reasonable person should think along this line. Personally, I have also learnt never to judge anyone no matter how bad the story against him/her seems until I have the full knowledge of what happened which will normally not make it to the public 🤷🏻♀️ Thank you once again❤
I join others to compliment your grace and poise Nezeville. I also must say you captured my mind on this issue cos I have seen some on social media too. The cause is not addressed, it is the reaction we have wailing wailers cry over..lol. . I pity anyman that will not start embracing change to treat his wife well if he hasnt been before now. Because even if she no japa, its a future cry for the man whether in Naija or in the abroad. Hell will have no fury like such a woman's revenge. Alot of African men need to unlearn and relearn and we should also start raising respectable boys who will not feel theathen because they are not in control over another human being. Thanks alot, more grace.
I love you Neze for saying the truth. We came overseas, Me and my husband 20 odd years ago, and we still here 🙏🏽 Couples need to understand and work together as one😊 🙏🏽 ❤
@@kaykunz Thank you very much. There's a lot of benefits to a woman divorcing her husband in the west, the laws actually reward women for divorcing and most divorced women divorced good men, that's just what the system incentivises
So many single moms in London now, I’m an unmarried man in my 40’s with no kids…when I meet single moms - I RUN 🏃♂️ for my life. They’re too many and now men have wised up ..
@@Michael.P247 most of them think they can do well with the state benefits, but after a while they realise that it not working and they try to get back into a relationship, but at that point nobody wants them and all they can do is to offer everyone sex in hope that someone would stay with them.
@@Michael.P247 That's sad and that's why it's important that we do a honest self reflection. Our family unit abroad is failing which means our children will remain at the bottom of society meanwhile women like Neze are whipping up non existent excuses to justify failing to keep our families together. We're now worse than black Americans that we love to condemn
I feel you are speaking from the perspective of a woman. I married my childhood girlfriend. After 6 years in Italy, I went back to marry her in Nigeria and she joined afterward in Italy. Just like you said marriage abroad is pro-max. It was fun ,we had 3 kids within 20 years in Italy. We finally decided to move to the UK in 2012 as I don't see a future for black s in Italy. All this while I was footing the bills. I don't mind as I see myself as the provider. We got to the UK 🇬🇧. After a few years she got into the benefit system. She was getting undisclosed amount from the government. I kept on footing the bills but realised her attitude started changing. When I try to discipline the kids when they go out of line,she seems to be on their side. Besides, I started getting open disrespect such that she goes to party on weekends all by herself. Mind you, I have never raised a finger on her. When I try to caution her about the wrong she had be doing she threaten to call the police. Now you mentioned the house chores. I got 2 jobs while she got 4 hours job for 4 days in a week. The expectation is that she will organise properly just like she was doing back in Italy instead she want me to come home at 10pm to cook while she watches all the channels on Netflix. It got to a point I was getting depressed and hbp. To cut short the story, we are separated at the moment. She got her party friends and I believe she is living her dream unaware of the ripple effect on the children. Although, the first two are adults while the last is 15. Do you think I was the problem?
You are definitely not the problem. Your wife was the problem. To begin with, being sensitive to the environment after spending just few months in Canada does not give someone the wisdom and experience of elderly and matured people, who have long been married, that have been living in Canada and other western countries for over 13 years - I am referring to those matured, objective, and open-minded people who have observed, witnessed, and analyzed several married Nigerians abroad and the root cause(s) of issues in such marriages. The majority of marriage issues are caused by women exhibiting several negative, strange, and heartless attitudes some of which are similar to the ones exhibited by your wife you are now separated from. There are many cases where men did all they were expected to do (assist in house chores, cook, take children to/from school, do grocery, no emotional/verbal/financial abuse, etc.) and yet their wives still exhibited ruthless and negative attitude. Some women show their true attitude when they come abroad and/or when they start making money of their own. Also, many women can be progressively and systematically influenced negatively by other women in the same profession or social cycles. If we put aside emotions or sentiments or overheated imagination or gender bias, and use some good level of sincerity, objectivity, analytic reasoning and experience, it will be statistically and absolutely obvious to all that the majority of issues among married Nigerians abroad are caused by the negative or “strange” or heartless attitude of women.
To solve the issue of Japa marriages running into problems one has to look at who is complaining. It's the men. Therefore to treat it, look at why they are complaining. To address the complaint from a woman's angle takes us back to where we started. Problem unsolved. That why I like that you noticed it was treated in this video from a woman's angle. I always say that it's always best for both to go for counseling before they Japa so that the realities are ironed out and also prayed about. There are some good women out there and one cannot just say all women are bad. Good post Neze, good comment Brother .
You corroborated what she said. Remember that she clearly explained that some women are with their husbands due to their financial situation. They are not in love with the man and would want out immediately they get financial freedom. It's obvious that your wife was just laying low all these while because she wasn't financially independent enough to show her true colors. In other words, if she was very wealthy or had access to the same money she is currently getting from the UK government, she would have left you long ago in Italy. Or she would never have married you. And like Neze said repeatedly, there are exceptions. She clearly stated that some women are different. Watch the video again. She used some descriptive words for them. Possibly your wife falls into that category. Just like in every situation, there are exceptions to the rule. Yes, no average sane woman will leave a caring, providing, helpful man. But there are exceptions. My advice to men is to marry women that will remain with them even when they (women) have access to more money
Many thanks Neze, you've said it all. Any man that refuses to Japa because of loosing control and authority over his wife is an abusive husband. ABSOLUTELY TRUE ❤
It's really GOOD to hear you Speak. It's also appreciated that you speak the minds of women. I wish women can speak out and be heard. We Men are LOVER, not Slavers. Thanks alot.
Neze, as always, you have nailed it. Like we all know, abroad is NOT a place for lazy people especially if you have a large family such as yourself for example. There's always no such thing as a complete housewife or vice versa in abroad. One must always have an input for the family to live in harmony happily ever after. Furthermore Neze, Some of the men want to adapt their Nigerian way of living where the wife and house help do everything for him. All oga knows is, food is ready o. But over here in abroad, there is no such thing as a house help, however though, you can be able to hire one domestic worker if you can afford it. Meanwhile it is a wonderful thing for a husband and wife and the entire family to help one another, that way, everybody in that household will live happily ever after. Thank you.
You really nailed it down Bar. Neze. Bless your heart. Duty, love, respect... Maltreated and overwhelmed, perpetually enslaved. What level of control. Are you normal? Abuse... How you make your bed, you lie on it. It is your character. Abroad did not do you anything. Please hear from the ..... mouth. They do not say the background story. Feel cheated and feel being used. Traditional man. It is not Lords and slave.❤😅
Thank you my daughter.Yes I call my daughter. Your channel is very educative. All depends if all this complainers really love there wives both home abroad. If the love is there japa is enjoyable. I married my wife when both of were students in abroad since 1978. Till now I am still cooking. And still abroad till now. When I go to Nigeria I still cook for family. You can do anything if you love your wife and your children. Stay in Nigeria if you can not help.
Thank you for recording and telling the truth on this video. I’ve now sent this to my Nigerian father and will be sending to other Nigerians in my family. Because their head is SO HARD!
As usual- beautiful Neze you have come with a lot of wisdom! Thanks. See ehnn, let me tell you from experience of 20+ years of marriage to the glory of God and still learning( no matter how long one has been married, you still have improvements to adopt in one area or another). A marriage is simply what you make it, oha! If you want a peaceful marriage, you can have it, if you a problematic one, same. It doesn't matter whether you japa o, or not - if you don't invest in your marriage, it will fall like a pack of cards. Everyone in that marriage needs to adjust when necessary, period, otherwise there will be consequences to face, simple as that. This topic you are touching on is not new, a lot of people are deceiving themselves when they think they can be rigid in marriage, so they get what they are looking for and blame other people for their problems, ridiculousness! Keep doing what you do best and God bless you.
Hello Neze , you have said it all . Some African men does not want to contribute to the house chores because they believe that they are head of thr family and that everything should be done for them, forgetting that there are no house helps in Abroad.
How can your video go viral what analysis. Exactly oooo who wants to be a single mother, who wants to be alone, who wants to carry all the burdens, who does that . Thank youuuuuuu Neze❤
One irony is that when these same guys get together with Oyibo women, they are immediately cured of their Odogwu-ism! We see them carrying their Oyibo women’s shopping, doing the school run, doing chores and the like. I know one who takes his daughter to the hair dresser and cooks and cleans. He expressed his frustration that, according to him, Oyibo women don’t get up early in the morning and clean the house daily like African women do, or groom the children like African women do, so he has to do it himself. Even in a dream, they would not take that from an African wife. They are capable of doing right, it is just a choice this kind of men are making when it comes to African women. If they did half of these shenanigans to their Oyibo women, they would go to jail, get struck off their professional list and be deported. Many African men in the comments who have kept their homes together say they have made the choice to do so. It is a matter of choice. It’s time that we all should commit to our spouse’s happiness, trusting God that they will reciprocate. If we seek each other’s good and stop operating hidden agendas, we will have better outcomes. Let all intending ’japa-ites’ take heed.
@@efreeholdings1575 Indeed, it is sad. It is internalised r-ism when a Black man can treat Oyibo women well but chooses to denigrate and ill-treat Black women. It is their r_cial programming at work when they worship Oyibo women for their perceived superiority and what they think they can gain from them, but ill-treat Black women like their colonial masters did because they perceive them as something that has no value to add and/or is to be used for gain. There are Continental African men who have never left Africa who hold these perspectives. And when they japa, they act them out.
My sister, I have a nwunye di here. Her husband is a lab scientist, and she is a nurse now a nurse practitioner. Her husband always beat her, abuse her emotionally to the extent that when her mother came second time after she gave birth, her husband refused to let her mother into their house that a stanger housed her for 3years before the wife left by police order so the man will not kill her. The final straw was that he held the wife on her neck to strangle her. She was only shouting call police to her children. They did, and the police exhater him out of the house. The wife still went to release him but has lived apart for up to 5 years now. Point is when the man went to Nigeria and painted the wife black among his kinsmen including our association. Infant, I almost agree with the man until I spoke to her mother and then my co wife. I still have not seen a woman abroad who wants her husband out of their house or life when there is no abuse, mentally and physically. Or when the man is not a 100% liability because some even when they are not earning enough, the little they earn is for demand from their family at home and of course they don't know how to care for a child when the wife is not around.
You are thinking like a normal human being nne. I ' ve always admire your beautiful family your wealth of wisdom. Your papa born you well Neze peperempe.You are God' s child.🎉
Some men can’t assimilate into different ways which is no more wife doing all the cooking cleaning and childcare it’s a joint work because both has to work but as we hear in Africa a woman does all the above stuff by herself you can’t do that in Europe or America unless you can afford helpers
FINALLY!!!😊 After years of consistent growth and several months working on this ground breaking project.. I am soo thrilled to present to you all MY FIRST EVER MASTER CLASS! Some say its long over due but ild say its right on time.. I needed to not only know the ropes, but to master it. To not only have some great videos but know how to make consistent success on everyone of them. It’s not a gamble, it’s not a coincidence …It is a SKILL that can be learnt and taught.. So come on let me assist you! Whether you are a content creator struggling with your numbers & growth or you are an individual who want to learn how to speak better, hold listeners spell bound and command respect..THIS IS FOR YOU! Send an email with “interested” to nezemasterclass@gmail.com.
@nezeville You see why I see you as a smart, intelligent, honest and a rational 💯% human being. Notable points here = If b4 d japa, d marriage has being having irreparable issues, then there are high chances that it will get even worse when there's relocation = If as a man, you feel entitled by ur ego n selfish pride that u see ur spouse as a slave or disregard her maybe cos of being d weker see, then insecurity sets in @ d mention of Japa, cos I know that you know that d tables will turn faster than u can blink your eyes as d society will expose her to what truly matters. = Ifas a couple here in Nigeria, there's no issue and and all is well. There are high chances that d marriage will be more blissful and enjoyable even if there's relocation to another country cos that has been d status quo back home
Truely you are very clever and speak alot of sense. I can relate with every word coming out of your mouth. Coupled to your apparently good home training, your advice is second to none.
Neze! You've been missed. Well, I don't know why many exported marriages break down when they get abroad. But what I know is true love, peaceful and a good communicating couple never change when abroad.
"This is because as African women, we are not meant to have reactions. ' Instead, we are supposed to endure all the garbage we are dealt with by our so-called husbands . And this is so sad to good women that give they all in they marriages
"So-called husbands", That says all one need to know about you. Women like you should do themselves and men favour by remaining single and buying a dog or cat, rather than pretending to be interested in Marriage just to go and destroy innocent man's life. Marriage is not by force, but if you accept to go into it, you must be prepared to follow the rules.
And again wives endure abuse and stay in their loveless marriages because they don’t have anyone to really fight for them.Women’s right are not recognised in Nigeria but abroad, such rights are upheld and such they can get help out of their abusive marriage. In Nigeria you are advised to keep enduring, putting the blame on the wife as the reason for her husband’s abusive behaviour and if she leaves she also has to endure the stigma for her self and her kids apart from financial challenges. Thank you so much Neze for these insights. I wish most of these men will collect brain and listen to their wives, make them their best friends, treat them like they want to be treated themselves ❤
Did she ask you to pity her or help her fight her husband like you're doing? If you do not understand or respect the word SUBMISSION, then marriage is Not for you. If you think your husband is not good enough to submit to so he can lead, then stay single auntie, and carry your foolish gender war into innocent man's house.
The advice I will give to couples getting married is to be circumspect for them not to fall into the pit. My grandmother used to say Not all women are marriage material also not all men are husband material. There is a difference between a boyfriend or girlfriend and husband or wife. The mistake many people do is trying to transform boyfriend or girlfriend to husband or wife. Some partners relationships should only STOP at boyfriend or girlfriend.
Barr Neze you are very correct.I always tell people abroad does not destroy marriages.Most marriages are already on the verge of breaking but they were just keep condoling things back home.when these women become enlightened more,exposed and more financially stable they opt out.
Most marriages in Africa are because the women need financial help and when they become financially stable, the suddenly realize they don't need a man anymore. If you want your marriage to stay, marry for love.
There are some truths to Neze's points but also some naivety displayed. Of course its abnormal for anyone to work away from a loving marriage, but it would shock you that some women do - even in their numbers. Some for no reason you can point to and some due to the fact that they simply want to be independent even when their men are decent loving and responsible. Its illogical but it happens a lot. Im 47 year old guy, never married no kid, im supper driven, live in London. I meet a lot of divorced women and I asked them what went wrong , some of course their hubby were abusive or stupid, however there are also some in large numbers that just didnt want the marriage for no reason or they felt they needed to be on their own, or just wanted some freedom to be able to party, to go nude, do social media, do their own thing and no accountability to anyone and they dont even care about what there parents think about the situation etc. I was always shocked when I listened to them saying these stuff, i used to counsel them in a positive light but I noticed that they would avoid me afterwards, so I stopped advising them and just flow with the moment as they wanted it having a fill day with them. So @Neze you've only seen more of the parts you've talked about there is another aspect you have no clue about. truth be told, it defiles logic but its happening. And of course there are equally plenty of stupid guys and marriages aligning into what you've described in your video. Simply put there are weird and wicked souls on this earth both men and women and quality of human beings on earth has gravely dissipated. It is what it is I guess. The single ones in the UK that I live are even worse these days.
@@NezePeperempe - I realised that you got poked up with the word "Naivety" - But "Madam" Neze, I heard in your video where you said these are in the EXCPETION" of which I commented that they are not but in the majority of the puzzle and of course some of the men described in your video hold true 100%. I speak from a place of experience as a single guy via Dating apps, hanging out with women in this category and I have listened and seen these first hand, but you were speaking from perception or experience with the few ones in your sphere of influence. You are an educated Pretty Lady and I dare you to come up with your stats, go on dating apps, do a survey , hang out with the women affected by this subject, go on a date with some men, go on UK office for national statistics website to get some learnings. I live in the UK, the UK police now are waking up to the points that I am making and there are cases that are now being revisited, there are loads of articles on this and documentaries are currently being put together by some women to show that A LOT OF WOMEN QUIT THEIR MARRIAGEs FOR NO FAULT OF THEIR HUSBANDs - FACT!!!. The UK parliament passed a law couple of years ago allowing a woman to divorce for no reason i.e. A woman can wake up one morning and decide that they no longer want to be in the marriage even if the man has done nothing wrong (Some of us are now thinking of prenup or Trust to protect a few millions of pounds networth that God has blessed us with) . There are no advocates for innocent men, but there are huge mega phones amplifying some men's misbehaviours and generalising it but of course there are stupid and really stupid men on this earth no doubt. I see gender war on the rampage and some women are exploring the delicate power bestowed on them irrationally - at every era men will always win the gender war. If you oppose nature you should expect disruption and ruin. I think we should be calling for harmony between men and women especially in marriages at the very least so it can cascade to every other part of the society. As a very educated Lady I feel that we should be pragmatic and balanced in our narrative. I still maintain that there is no such thing as these women are the exceptions, rather they have part of the majority portion of the pie. It favours some of us if these women continue to exit their marriages for no reason as we get to see more to get down with via dating apps etc. What do I know, I'm completely naïve too - Just saying.
Thanks for this video. I’ve seen this on social media before. You are 100 % correct. Marriage isn’t hard if each is treated fairly, if not hmmmm then divorce or separation will happen
I went through hell in the hands of my partner in Nigeria. I knew that if I divorced him in Nigeria he would have killed me. I planned my move to Canada. I was the principal applicant. I planned to divorce him if he fails to change abroad. Indeed he remained horrible I had to divorce him immediately.
13years of marriage came abroad 5 years ago and still with my wife.The problem just as you have said is the men they still want to act as If they are in Nigeria.The faster they learn how to adapt the better for them else it will be the same story.
Neze please give this uncle cold malt
Wisdom is profitable to direct
God bless you, sir, for speaking the truth. I hope the men would try and adjust to understand the pressure on women
@@adauzo3782😂😂😂. Your comment cracked me up real good.
God will continue to bless you for saying the truth
I have been with my husband in the US for 20years peacefully. He’s the one running all the fronts tho I’m a nurse making it big. We have 3 kids, 2 are in university and the youngest is going to college this fall by The Special Grace of God. You’re are absolutely correct Neze! I respect and listens to my hubby a lot. And im truly enjoying every Moment. All thanks to God
Keep making it big ma!
God bless your home.
Making it big
That’s how we roll 💪🏼
Good women in Obodo oyibo exist
I have been married for 30 years and I make bold to say: your husband is not ‘threatened’ by your success. Also, some men earn respect and make submission easy as they want the best for the home.
But Neze is trying to say that Naija men abroad are bad, you just demolished her position with real life testimony
That's a good story unlike 2hat we hear most of the time.
A marriage that is faulty from Nigeria can never survive in the abroad. No woman leaves a happy marriage period.
It depends what happy marriage means to you
Women are never happy for long
True they have first make it miserable so they can justify destroying it.
I agree with you, only a marriage that was already flawed that will get worse. When a woman discovers that she doesn't have to endure abuse, oppression, and that she has rights just like the men, she will take the option to get out. If I'm abused when back in my home country, and we move abroad and still get abused, I'll call the authorities. Of course, we agree there are bad apples among us women.
some african men simply cannot eat what they dish out. some are more competitive with their wives than their fellow men.
💯
Gbam 💯
Burgundy looks amazing on you❤
Righhhttttt?! This was my first thought ❤.
Right ❤
May God almighty bless you Neze for this video. With no form of disrespect to men, you men can do better. Life in abroad should be both parties helping each other all round.
Indeed when woman's eyes clear they will prefer to be alone and be free than to be with someone whose not helpful yet abusive
There are so many separations and divorce amongst Africans in the WEST. In the USA there is high rate of Divorce amongst Africans due to many factors as you alluded in your exposition. Chief amongst them is Financial. One big mistake I have seen is African men empowered their Wives to pursue tertiary education mainly nursing, with the hope of recouping bigger income upon their graduation. After graduation they will want to control the income of their wives, especially knowing they’re earning less. The mistake many African men do is refusing to empower themselves by going for higher education in order to be at per with their wives. Most of the time EGO creeps in leading to bitter divorce.
So how does a man empower himself when is busy fending for the whole family?? So because a woman earn more than the man now, she shouldn't summit to the man.
@@olilumgbalu5653 so men are trying to pimp their wife bcuz they asking the wife that you paid or contribute financially to her education, to help contribute financially to the household. You're making up some fantasy situations in your head, that's not the reality on ground my friend.
@@abiodunotu2591my husband was in pharmacy school in another state. I worked in a the daycare my two babies attended as they were a year apart. I rented a one bedroom house, saved over half of my paycheck. Applied for financial aid and had over half of my tuition paid and took a loan for the rest. Applied for food stamps, Medicaid and childcare. All I did was reduce my expenses got a prn CNA job and worked when I could until I graduated from nursing school . As someone who has done it I don’t see why someone will say they sponsored someone in school while holding down the family. I’m yet to see a man who paid their wives tuition out of pocket because most people who go to school rely on Pell Grant and loans. Maybe people are not just informed. I have and still working, contributing in my house financially, doing almost all the chores and still paying my tuition out of pocket. When I finally graduate and practice as a nurse practitioner no one will understand. Most women build themselves single handed and some men instead of respecting the woman for her strength they become intimidated, subject them to torture and the public gives them credit that they made the woman.
@@abiodunotu2591 Pls try to ask these women if it was easy for them to go to school. I went to nursing school as a single woman so it was relatively easy but I went with a woman who was 9 months pregnant and only gave herself a weekend of 'break' before joining us. Another one was constantly pumping milk in class for her newborn, and one was bringing her kid to class because there was no one to watch him. Some of them were single mothers, with no one to support them. We also had a married man with 2 kids and 1 had special needs that needed a lot of care, but he still managed to come for classes while also working a full-time job. If you want something, you'll go for it. No excuses.
A woman earning more than her husband doesn't mean she can't submit but you can't control her money any way you like and you will have to participate in household chores if she works full time, unless you want to pay for domestic help. So many married women look so tired and older than their age because everything is on them. And you want such a woman to submit?
LONG POST ALERT!
To those who believe that laws and customs favour women “abroad,” you need to take a look back in history for context. The abuse that many Africans normalise in patriarchal Africa used to also be the norm in the Western world. In fact, there are still men in the Western world who hold abusive, patriarchal worldviews. It is sadly interesting that the abuse of women has always been a worldwide phenomenon, to the point that some don’t know any other way and believe it to be normal. According to the UK charity, Refuge, 2 women are killed every week in England and Wales through domestic violence, and domestic violence costs the UK an estimated £23 billion annually. Over the years, many have fought against this abuse and gradually, there began to be laws, movements, organisations, campaigns and the like, to protect women against abuse from men. And vice versa, protecting men from abusive women. Much of the laws are however focused on women because historically, they are more frequently the ones who are disadvantaged in abusive relationships. Women are more often the ones who take career breaks or abandon their careers to raise families. Women are often paid less than men. There are some jobs, positions or salaries that women cannot attain. Many women don’t work long enough to accrue a pension or retirement income. And women are physically weaker, more often the victims of domestic or relationship abuse and there are subsequently more women in the world living under the poverty line. For all these reasons and more, many governments have been working to protect women, not just from abuse, but from the consequences of abuse. For example, one form of officially recognised abuse is preventing a woman from getting a job. Or the husband demanding that she hands over her salary to him. Or preventing her from getting an education so that she remains dependent on her husband.
.
The consequences of such financial abuse include the woman not having any pension or retirement income, or mental ill health from the years of trauma in that abuse. Which also impacts her physical health (costing the taxpayer money). Which puts their children in an unhealthy environment to grow up in (costing the taxpayer more money). Which increases the likelihood that they will have poor life outcomes and replicate their home situations (need I say it again?). And then, the government has to take on the burden of providing for such women in their old age. Or footing their medical/mental health bills from the relationship battery. And rehabilitating the children who grew up in that abuse. I’m a teacher and I see many of such women and children in the course of my work. There are therefore now laws against the various forms of abuse for all, but especially for the usual victims - women and children. For example, in the event of a divorce, the more economically empowered one has to support the less empowered one, which means men supporting their ex-wives (though sometimes, it’s the other way around). There are now campaigns everywhere enlightening the public on what abuse is, what it looks like and how to get help if you are being abused. There are charities and social enterprises helping women and children, and also men, to escape abusive homes and re-establish elsewhere. There are benefits you can claim if you have to flee domestic abuse, so that you are not trapped for lack of money. And because the woman is more often worse impacted by homelessness, she gets to stay in the house while an abusive man has to leave. It is not that the laws favour women. It is that there are now laws to level the playing field, shifting the balance of power away from the stronger, more economically empowered spouse so that the weaker, less economically empowered one doesn’t remain disadvantaged, as we sadly see wherever patriarchy rules in the world. It is a society where all have equal rights and the law supports those who have historically been deprived of dignity.
.
Bearing all this in mind, it is often a very big shock to any African man who has been abusive to his wife back home that his old ways are not the norm abroad. And it is often a pleasant surprise to abused African wives that there is support to escape the abuse when they ‘japa.’ As Neze has implied, no living thing wants to be abused and will always revolt against abuse, whether it is a human being, an animal or a plant. Because God created us all to be free. Bondage and suffering are the devil’s handwork and it is natural to run away from them. Life is a lot tougher abroad socially, because you don’t have that support network that we do in Africa. It is a very capitalist society where you have to work very hard and pay through your eyes for a decent life. Both men and women have to work in the average home and everyone pays tax once you reach 18, unless you remain in full time education or training. A woman contributes both money and labour to the smooth running of the home and she is out working as many hours as the husband. In some cases, even more. So, that “Lord of the Rings” attitude, as Neze called it, cannot work here the way it may have worked in Africa. The women are quick to adapt to the change as it empowers them. Many of the men, however, cannot accept it as it takes away their unquestioned ‘right to abuse.’ And this is when a woman who is fed up of abuse sees an open door and escapes.
.
Personally, I think that churches, mosques and community organisations in Africa need to start offering ‘japa’ marriage counselling. Those who have lived abroad and know Western norms should be brought on board to prepare ‘japaring’ couples. If a religious, community or family leader knows that a couple’s relationship is rocky, they should counsel them to fix it before they ‘japa.’ Or else, the culture shock will rip the marriage apart. On the other hand, a couple who has built a strong foundation on mutual love, respect and hard work is better placed to withstand the culture shock. Those who stay together are more than those who break up. And those who bring you the bad news MAKE MONEY by telling you of the bad break ups, not by reporting on happy African ‘japa marriages.’ Hence you may get the wrong impression that it is an African ‘epidemic’ abroad.
.
So, please, let us do our homework very well before we emigrate. Let people choose marriage partners wisely. Let parents raise kindhearted, God-fearing and well adjusted children who can grow up and become wholesome partners and spouses. Also, let the African media, such as Nollywood, do more to normalise loving marriages rather than the abuse they often depict. Let them show supportive in-laws and stop perpetrating the stereotype of abusive ones. Because these are only reinforcing a culture of marital cruelty. As communities in Africa, let us work hard to eradicate abusive norms and ideologies. It is time to get rid of misogyny and a culture of abuse. Many Africans are relocating around the world now. If the Black race is to continue growing and remaining resistant to external threats, we need to focus on building healthy marriages and homes. Let’s stop raising our sons to believe that paying dowry or bride price means they are buying someone’s daughter, to do with as they please. Let’s raise men who commit to the partnership of marriage rather than the ownership of women. And let’s raise our daughters to partner with their husbands to build happy homes. If both a husband and his wife feel safe and loved in their marriage, they can weather any storm, including ‘japa.’ It is not “abroad” that destroys marriages. It is simply a test of how well grounded the marriage is. Truth be told, many Nigerian marriages are only held together by convenience. Many women are enduring cruelty from their husbands and in-laws who think their cruel actions are ‘tradition.’ So, when the family moves to a place where such cruelty is a crime and there is help to escape it, the abused spouse seizes the opportunity to escape. Nobody in their right mind chooses abuse. And no one in their right mind, in a happy marriage, chooses escape. So, if you want to ‘japa,’ you had better re-examine your marriage and work out any wahala. Get rid of that ‘Odogwu Complex’ or else your marriage will not last. And don’t blame any spouse for escaping from abuse.
This is one of the most brilliant, if not the most brilliant, piece I have read on this issue.
Thank you for taking your time to detail the cause, effects and solution.
@@ChyGNO Thank you!
@@ChyGNO
Now Let me read the long piece
Beautiful and insightful piece ❤
This is great! Detailed. Education. History. Advice.
Thank you.
You said it all my lady. Only wise African succeed their marriage abroad.
Neze you dissected this topic well. Finally someone to reason it out as it is
You've said it all. Anyone overburdened and overwhelmed with chores will one day lose it. Whether a wife, husband or house-help. It takes collaboration to manage the home front.
Barrister Neze I admire your intelligence and wisdom. You said absolute truth. Once situational marriage gets here in UK/abroad it clashes! Genuine marriage will be refreshed, renewed and sweeten in UK/abroad. Who don't like better thing?
😍
Most marriages in Nigeria is based what the man can provide financially simple, so most men blindly go into it with everything they've got.
@@abiodunotu2591 Really? I disagree with you. You're just defending men. Most of Nigerian men married to build together with their wives. Well to do men don't go into marriage blindly they are selective and marry ladies with something upstairs and high potentials
@@gloriaamakaezeobi-ozulu4712 that's what most of the men think until the reality of situations hits them, most educated women are the worst for marriages, once they are doing better than you financially, you're in trouble.
Men with this kind of mentality don't allow their wives to shine . Abeg that marriage lacks love . Its situational marriage! Insecurity and competition in marriage lead to disaster. Marriage issues are so sensitive and broad so let true love lead
Thank you so much for this video. Any reasonable person should think along this line. Personally, I have also learnt never to judge anyone no matter how bad the story against him/her seems until I have the full knowledge of what happened which will normally not make it to the public 🤷🏻♀️
Thank you once again❤
I join others to compliment your grace and poise Nezeville. I also must say you captured my mind on this issue cos I have seen some on social media too. The cause is not addressed, it is the reaction we have wailing wailers cry over..lol.
. I pity anyman that will not start embracing change to treat his wife well if he hasnt been before now. Because even if she no japa, its a future cry for the man whether in Naija or in the abroad.
Hell will have no fury like such a woman's revenge.
Alot of African men need to unlearn and relearn and we should also start raising respectable boys who will not feel theathen because they are not in control over another human being. Thanks alot, more grace.
I love you Neze for saying the truth. We came overseas, Me and my husband 20 odd years ago, and we still here 🙏🏽 Couples need to understand and work together as one😊 🙏🏽 ❤
You said it all Neze. Which woman with a normal bain will prefer to be a single mother for no tangible reason.
The ones who want state benefits.
@@kaykunz Thank you very much. There's a lot of benefits to a woman divorcing her husband in the west, the laws actually reward women for divorcing and most divorced women divorced good men, that's just what the system incentivises
So many single moms in London now, I’m an unmarried man in my 40’s with no kids…when I meet single moms - I RUN 🏃♂️ for my life. They’re too many and now men have wised up ..
@@Michael.P247 most of them think they can do well with the state benefits, but after a while they realise that it not working and they try to get back into a relationship, but at that point nobody wants them and all they can do is to offer everyone sex in hope that someone would stay with them.
@@Michael.P247 That's sad and that's why it's important that we do a honest self reflection. Our family unit abroad is failing which means our children will remain at the bottom of society meanwhile women like Neze are whipping up non existent excuses to justify failing to keep our families together. We're now worse than black Americans that we love to condemn
I feel you are speaking from the perspective of a woman. I married my childhood girlfriend. After 6 years in Italy, I went back to marry her in Nigeria and she joined afterward in Italy. Just like you said marriage abroad is pro-max. It was fun ,we had 3 kids within 20 years in Italy. We finally decided to move to the UK in 2012 as I don't see a future for black s in Italy. All this while I was footing the bills. I don't mind as I see myself as the provider. We got to the UK 🇬🇧. After a few years she got into the benefit system. She was getting undisclosed amount from the government. I kept on footing the bills but realised her attitude started changing. When I try to discipline the kids when they go out of line,she seems to be on their side. Besides, I started getting open disrespect such that she goes to party on weekends all by herself. Mind you, I have never raised a finger on her. When I try to caution her about the wrong she had be doing she threaten to call the police. Now you mentioned the house chores. I got 2 jobs while she got 4 hours job for 4 days in a week. The expectation is that she will organise properly just like she was doing back in Italy instead she want me to come home at 10pm to cook while she watches all the channels on Netflix. It got to a point I was getting depressed and hbp. To cut short the story, we are separated at the moment. She got her party friends and I believe she is living her dream unaware of the ripple effect on the children. Although, the first two are adults while the last is 15. Do you think I was the problem?
You are definitely not the problem. Your wife was the problem.
To begin with, being sensitive to the environment after spending just few months in Canada does not give someone the wisdom and experience of elderly and matured people, who have long been married, that have been living in Canada and other western countries for over 13 years - I am referring to those matured, objective, and open-minded people who have observed, witnessed, and analyzed several married Nigerians abroad and the root cause(s) of issues in such marriages.
The majority of marriage issues are caused by women exhibiting several negative, strange, and heartless attitudes some of which are similar to the ones exhibited by your wife you are now separated from. There are many cases where men did all they were expected to do (assist in house chores, cook, take children to/from school, do grocery, no emotional/verbal/financial abuse, etc.) and yet their wives still exhibited ruthless and negative attitude. Some women show their true attitude when they come abroad and/or when they start making money of their own. Also, many women can be progressively and systematically influenced negatively by other women in the same profession or social cycles.
If we put aside emotions or sentiments or overheated imagination or gender bias, and use some good level of sincerity, objectivity, analytic reasoning and experience, it will be statistically and absolutely obvious to all that the majority of issues among married Nigerians abroad are caused by the negative or “strange” or heartless attitude of women.
Exceptions!
To solve the issue of Japa marriages running into problems one has to look at who is complaining. It's the men. Therefore to treat it, look at why they are complaining. To address the complaint from a woman's angle takes us back to where we started. Problem unsolved. That why I like that you noticed it was treated in this video from a woman's angle. I always say that it's always best for both to go for counseling before they Japa so that the realities are ironed out and also prayed about. There are some good women out there and one cannot just say all women are bad. Good post Neze, good comment Brother .
You corroborated what she said. Remember that she clearly explained that some women are with their husbands due to their financial situation. They are not in love with the man and would want out immediately they get financial freedom. It's obvious that your wife was just laying low all these while because she wasn't financially independent enough to show her true colors. In other words, if she was very wealthy or had access to the same money she is currently getting from the UK government, she would have left you long ago in Italy. Or she would never have married you. And like Neze said repeatedly, there are exceptions. She clearly stated that some women are different. Watch the video again. She used some descriptive words for them. Possibly your wife falls into that category. Just like in every situation, there are exceptions to the rule. Yes, no average sane woman will leave a caring, providing, helpful man. But there are exceptions. My advice to men is to marry women that will remain with them even when they (women) have access to more money
You are right. No woman with a good husband will one day decide she wants to be a single mom.
Many thanks Neze, you've said it all. Any man that refuses to Japa because of loosing control and authority over his wife is an abusive husband. ABSOLUTELY TRUE ❤
Why must they japa in the first place? Is japa their home country?
They should remain in their country of origin jor.
I agree with you Neze, I love watching your videos, thank you for sharing this wonderful video
It's really GOOD to hear you Speak. It's also appreciated that you speak the minds of women. I wish women can speak out and be heard. We Men are LOVER, not Slavers. Thanks alot.
They take women for their slaves. Imagine the oga even requesting the poor woman to submit her salary to him.
Preach Neze. Because why will a sane woman make such decisions. These men need to start being accountable.
Neze, as always, you have nailed it. Like we all know, abroad is NOT a place for lazy people especially if you have a large family such as yourself for example. There's always no such thing as a complete housewife or vice versa in abroad. One must always have an input for the family to live in harmony happily ever after. Furthermore Neze, Some of the men want to adapt their Nigerian way of living where the wife and house help do everything for him. All oga knows is, food is ready o. But over here in abroad, there is no such thing as a house help, however though, you can be able to hire one domestic worker if you can afford it. Meanwhile it is a wonderful thing for a husband and wife and the entire family to help one another, that way, everybody in that household will live happily ever after. Thank you.
you are an exemplary woman Neze. your family is blessed to have you.
You said it all, Neze!📌 Wisdom overload.
I need to research South and North pole thing 😂😂😂
Nice and very informative video overall.
You really nailed it down Bar. Neze. Bless your heart. Duty, love, respect... Maltreated and overwhelmed, perpetually enslaved. What level of control. Are you normal? Abuse... How you make your bed, you lie on it. It is your character. Abroad did not do you anything. Please hear from the ..... mouth. They do not say the background story. Feel cheated and feel being used. Traditional man. It is not Lords and slave.❤😅
Thank you my daughter.Yes I call my daughter. Your channel is very educative. All depends if all this complainers really love there wives both home abroad. If the love is there japa is enjoyable. I married my wife when both of were students in abroad since 1978. Till now I am still cooking. And still abroad till now. When I go to Nigeria I still cook for family. You can do anything if you love your wife and your children. Stay in Nigeria if you can not help.
Tnk you Daddy
Well said, sir!
Brilliant summation once again. You always bring it to the table. You say it like it is!!🎉😊❤
you have summarize it all.No woman who is enjoying her marriage will quit. Men should search themselves
My girl, i agree with you 100%. You sabi the matter well well. keep spilling it. No fear no man! Truth hurts but must be told.
Thank you for recording and telling the truth on this video. I’ve now sent this to my Nigerian father and will be sending to other Nigerians in my family. Because their head is SO HARD!
She’s right, I can testify. My husband and I are doing great abroad.
As usual- beautiful Neze you have come with a lot of wisdom! Thanks. See ehnn, let me tell you from experience of 20+ years of marriage to the glory of God and still learning( no matter how long one has been married, you still have improvements to adopt in one area or another). A marriage is simply what you make it, oha! If you want a peaceful marriage, you can have it, if you a problematic one, same. It doesn't matter whether you japa o, or not - if you don't invest in your marriage, it will fall like a pack of cards. Everyone in that marriage needs to adjust when necessary, period, otherwise there will be consequences to face, simple as that.
This topic you are touching on is not new, a lot of people are deceiving themselves when they think they can be rigid in marriage, so they get what they are looking for and blame other people for their problems, ridiculousness!
Keep doing what you do best and God bless you.
On point dear, above all this your hair dey enter my eye ….
Hello Neze , you have said it all .
Some African men does not want to contribute to the house chores because they believe that they are head of thr family and that everything should be done for them, forgetting that there are no house helps in Abroad.
God bless you Barrister Neze, no sensible woman would make such decisions
You are correct. You dissected the issue well.
This was a very good one. You hit the nail on the head. Right on the head. This was a brilliant talk. Nigerian coming to the UK most see this.
Neze I always watch you videos without commenting but this one is the best.
Naze you're very correct, God bless you for spilling nothing but the truth.
Your laugh and personality are infectious. Second time seeing your video. Love it 🇺🇸💯
Neze you're full of wisdom. You've said it all.
Thanks for being smart Neze
It really takes God to acquire such knowledge
First to comment. Beautiful Queen Neze.
Now let me watch the video.
This Topic was really interesting ❤ Thanks for such a great Real Life related content....You look beautiful by the way😊
How can your video go viral what analysis. Exactly oooo who wants to be a single mother, who wants to be alone, who wants to carry all the burdens, who does that . Thank youuuuuuu Neze❤
Neze, I’m your number one fan.keep up the good work.
Only because of this video, i subscribed. You are a very wise woman. Thank you.
God bless you, the comments have said all in my mind
Kai... Neze you are just full of WISDOM. Your husband and children are so blessed to have you.
Thank you Neze. You are on point everytime
Very insightful video. Keep it up nne
💯..I love your wisdom Neze❤❤
One irony is that when these same guys get together with Oyibo women, they are immediately cured of their Odogwu-ism! We see them carrying their Oyibo women’s shopping, doing the school run, doing chores and the like. I know one who takes his daughter to the hair dresser and cooks and cleans. He expressed his frustration that, according to him, Oyibo women don’t get up early in the morning and clean the house daily like African women do, or groom the children like African women do, so he has to do it himself. Even in a dream, they would not take that from an African wife. They are capable of doing right, it is just a choice this kind of men are making when it comes to African women. If they did half of these shenanigans to their Oyibo women, they would go to jail, get struck off their professional list and be deported. Many African men in the comments who have kept their homes together say they have made the choice to do so. It is a matter of choice. It’s time that we all should commit to our spouse’s happiness, trusting God that they will reciprocate. If we seek each other’s good and stop operating hidden agendas, we will have better outcomes. Let all intending ’japa-ites’ take heed.
These males see themselves and Black women as lesser women. It is sad.
@@efreeholdings1575 Indeed, it is sad. It is internalised r-ism when a Black man can treat Oyibo women well but chooses to denigrate and ill-treat Black women. It is their r_cial programming at work when they worship Oyibo women for their perceived superiority and what they think they can gain from them, but ill-treat Black women like their colonial masters did because they perceive them as something that has no value to add and/or is to be used for gain. There are Continental African men who have never left Africa who hold these perspectives. And when they japa, they act them out.
Same here in America, they take their children out, cook dinner. Their bhavior is very different with an African American wife.
My sister, I have a nwunye di here. Her husband is a lab scientist, and she is a nurse now a nurse practitioner. Her husband always beat her, abuse her emotionally to the extent that when her mother came second time after she gave birth, her husband refused to let her mother into their house that a stanger housed her for 3years before the wife left by police order so the man will not kill her. The final straw was that he held the wife on her neck to strangle her. She was only shouting call police to her children. They did, and the police exhater him out of the house. The wife still went to release him but has lived apart for up to 5 years now.
Point is when the man went to Nigeria and painted the wife black among his kinsmen including our association. Infant, I almost agree with the man until I spoke to her mother and then my co wife.
I still have not seen a woman abroad who wants her husband out of their house or life when there is no abuse, mentally and physically. Or when the man is not a 100% liability because some even when they are not earning enough, the little they earn is for demand from their family at home and of course they don't know how to care for a child when the wife is not around.
Nothing but facts sis!!❤ Enjoyed this video as usual .. 😊
You have just said it all my Sister. God bless.
Neze nwa
Neze peperempe
Neze canada
Neze Di sharp.. oya oo let me watch 😊
Nothing but the truth have you said. God bless you for saying the truth.
You are thinking like a normal human being nne. I ' ve always admire your beautiful family your wealth of wisdom. Your papa born you well Neze peperempe.You are God' s child.🎉
You’re a blessing Neze. People need to be aware
Well said!
Powerful and insightful 👏🏾
Some men can’t assimilate into different ways which is no more wife doing all the cooking cleaning and childcare it’s a joint work because both has to work but as we hear in Africa a woman does all the above stuff by herself you can’t do that in Europe or America unless you can afford helpers
Thank you for much for this!!! You captured this so well, and I hope more pople can watch this, be introspective and be better partners
FINALLY!!!😊
After years of consistent growth and several months working on this ground breaking project..
I am soo thrilled to present to you all MY FIRST EVER MASTER CLASS!
Some say its long over due but ild say its right on time..
I needed to not only know the ropes, but to master it.
To not only have some great videos but know how to make consistent success on everyone of them.
It’s not a gamble, it’s not a coincidence …It is a SKILL that can be learnt and taught..
So come on let me assist you!
Whether you are a content creator struggling with your numbers & growth or you are an individual who want to learn how to speak better, hold listeners spell bound and command respect..THIS IS FOR YOU!
Send an email with “interested” to nezemasterclass@gmail.com.
My dear Neze, you have said it all.Marriage is about individuals,is all about how you manage your home.
@nezeville You see why I see you as a smart, intelligent, honest and a rational 💯% human being. Notable points here
= If b4 d japa, d marriage has being having irreparable issues, then there are high chances that it will get even worse when there's relocation
= If as a man, you feel entitled by ur ego n selfish pride that u see ur spouse as a slave or disregard her maybe cos of being d weker see, then insecurity sets in @ d mention of Japa, cos I know that you know that d tables will turn faster than u can blink your eyes as d society will expose her to what truly matters.
= Ifas a couple here in Nigeria, there's no issue and and all is well. There are high chances that d marriage will be more blissful and enjoyable even if there's relocation to another country cos that has been d status quo back home
Truely you are very clever and speak alot of sense. I can relate with every word coming out of your mouth. Coupled to your apparently good home training, your advice is second to none.
The truth is ...there is always value in listening to a valueable human being fusstop.
Neze! You've been missed. Well, I don't know why many exported marriages break down when they get abroad. But what I know is true love, peaceful and a good communicating couple never change when abroad.
Pretty Lady with true talk. I fully concur.
"This is because as African women, we are not meant to have reactions. ' Instead, we are supposed to endure all the garbage we are dealt with by our so-called husbands . And this is so sad to good women that give they all in they marriages
"So-called husbands",
That says all one need to know about you. Women like you should do themselves and men favour by remaining single and buying a dog or cat, rather than pretending to be interested in
Marriage just to go and destroy innocent man's life.
Marriage is not by force, but if you accept to go into it, you must be prepared to follow the rules.
And again wives endure abuse and stay in their loveless marriages because they don’t have anyone to really fight for them.Women’s right are not recognised in Nigeria but abroad, such rights are upheld and such they can get help out of their abusive marriage. In Nigeria you are advised to keep enduring, putting the blame on the wife as the reason for her husband’s abusive behaviour and if she leaves she also has to endure the stigma for her self and her kids apart from financial challenges. Thank you so much Neze for these insights. I wish most of these men will collect brain and listen to their wives, make them their best friends, treat them like they want to be treated themselves ❤
I wonder why a grown lady was blabbing on TikTok last time that she hand all her salary to her husband. As in no matter the harmony, who does that .
She simply made herself a slave. 😂😂😂😂😂
Don't mind her. She's handing him his present or future sidechick's upkeep money...
Did she ask you to pity her or help her fight her husband like you're doing?
If you do not understand or respect the word SUBMISSION, then marriage is Not for you. If you think your husband is not good enough to submit to so he can lead, then stay single auntie, and carry your foolish gender war into innocent man's house.
Very well said Neze 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Neze you made my day. I don't even know where to start. God Bless you Neze.
God bless you Neze. Couldn’t have said it any better.
Neze, remain blessed nne. I have said it all. U hit the nail on the head 👏
The advice I will give to couples getting married is to be circumspect for them not to fall into the pit. My grandmother used to say Not all women are marriage material also not all men are husband material. There is a difference between a boyfriend or girlfriend and husband or wife. The mistake many people do is trying to transform boyfriend or girlfriend to husband or wife. Some partners relationships should only STOP at boyfriend or girlfriend.
Well said!
You're 100% right. True talk. Xoxo. You're doing great
Neze nwa!!! God will bless everything about you and your husband that gave you wings to fly. You have said it all my love ❤❤
You're a beautiful lady, both in and out, your personality is on point, your voice sounds so sweet, i really enjoy watching you
Barr Neze you are very correct.I always tell people abroad does not destroy marriages.Most marriages are already on the verge of breaking but they were just keep condoling things back home.when these women become enlightened more,exposed and more financially stable they opt out.
I 💯 agree with you NEZE
Gbam gbammer gbammest- any marriage dat was good in Nigeria Will become gooder abroad, but already damaged marriage in Nigeria will become badder 😅
No woman leaves happy marriage.
Happiness is relative.
Neze you said it all.
Exactly 💯, well said.
Most marriages in Africa are because the women need financial help and when they become financially stable, the suddenly realize they don't need a man anymore. If you want your marriage to stay, marry for love.
There are some truths to Neze's points but also some naivety displayed. Of course its abnormal for anyone to work away from a loving marriage, but it would shock you that some women do - even in their numbers. Some for no reason you can point to and some due to the fact that they simply want to be independent even when their men are decent loving and responsible. Its illogical but it happens a lot. Im 47 year old guy, never married no kid, im supper driven, live in London. I meet a lot of divorced women and I asked them what went wrong , some of course their hubby were abusive or stupid, however there are also some in large numbers that just didnt want the marriage for no reason or they felt they needed to be on their own, or just wanted some freedom to be able to party, to go nude, do social media, do their own thing and no accountability to anyone and they dont even care about what there parents think about the situation etc. I was always shocked when I listened to them saying these stuff, i used to counsel them in a positive light but I noticed that they would avoid me afterwards, so I stopped advising them and just flow with the moment as they wanted it having a fill day with them. So @Neze you've only seen more of the parts you've talked about there is another aspect you have no clue about. truth be told, it defiles logic but its happening. And of course there are equally plenty of stupid guys and marriages aligning into what you've described in your video. Simply put there are weird and wicked souls on this earth both men and women and quality of human beings on earth has gravely dissipated. It is what it is I guess. The single ones in the UK that I live are even worse these days.
you are infact d one displaying naivety and selective amnesia by not recognizing the FACT that i mentioned the existence of exceptions.
@@NezePeperempe - I realised that you got poked up with the word "Naivety" - But "Madam" Neze, I heard in your video where you said these are in the EXCPETION" of which I commented that they are not but in the majority of the puzzle and of course some of the men described in your video hold true 100%. I speak from a place of experience as a single guy via Dating apps, hanging out with women in this category and I have listened and seen these first hand, but you were speaking from perception or experience with the few ones in your sphere of influence. You are an educated Pretty Lady and I dare you to come up with your stats, go on dating apps, do a survey , hang out with the women affected by this subject, go on a date with some men, go on UK office for national statistics website to get some learnings. I live in the UK, the UK police now are waking up to the points that I am making and there are cases that are now being revisited, there are loads of articles on this and documentaries are currently being put together by some women to show that A LOT OF WOMEN QUIT THEIR MARRIAGEs FOR NO FAULT OF THEIR HUSBANDs - FACT!!!. The UK parliament passed a law couple of years ago allowing a woman to divorce for no reason i.e. A woman can wake up one morning and decide that they no longer want to be in the marriage even if the man has done nothing wrong (Some of us are now thinking of prenup or Trust to protect a few millions of pounds networth that God has blessed us with) . There are no advocates for innocent men, but there are huge mega phones amplifying some men's misbehaviours and generalising it but of course there are stupid and really stupid men on this earth no doubt. I see gender war on the rampage and some women are exploring the delicate power bestowed on them irrationally - at every era men will always win the gender war. If you oppose nature you should expect disruption and ruin. I think we should be calling for harmony between men and women especially in marriages at the very least so it can cascade to every other part of the society. As a very educated Lady I feel that we should be pragmatic and balanced in our narrative. I still maintain that there is no such thing as these women are the exceptions, rather they have part of the majority portion of the pie. It favours some of us if these women continue to exit their marriages for no reason as we get to see more to get down with via dating apps etc. What do I know, I'm completely naïve too - Just saying.
You are so correct. Male chauvinism is the culprit and not the women.
You are making alot of sense in your analysis.you have said it all.He who wants to learn should learn.
God bless you my sister
Thanks for this video. I’ve seen this on social media before. You are 100 % correct. Marriage isn’t hard if each is treated fairly, if not hmmmm then divorce or separation will happen