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When someone ghosts me, I lose attraction therefore I don't want or need an explanation. Bottom line is they don't want to be there and not thinking much of me, so why would I ruminate over them? They are doing me a favor.
Ghosting is the lowest of the low behavior. No respect or love should be given to people who do this because it's cruel and unnecessary. If you were ghosted, do not EVER take that person back and do not dare think you are less than them because what they did is pathetic and low and speaks to their character.
I appreciate what has been said in this video about closure. I don't think ghosting is just ceasing all communication, but also not giving any reason for the cutoff. My avoidant ex (who I was friends with for 6 years before dating) abruptly stopped our relationship of two and a half years, with no reasoning or explanation asking if we could just be friends. We see each other on a regular basis due to volunteer work that we participate in, and she continually breaks her own rules of no contact when she is struggling or redefines what "friends" constitutes in our interactions and what I'm allowed to do and not to do by her rules. Still with no explanations 7 months later. It takes a lot of compassion to keep up with, and it seems like my feelings don't matter at all (which I know not to be true).
22:05 “ghosted” at one year and a half. It happened at the beginning of October of this year. It was after a discussion around commitment, which then escalated because I felt dismissed and as if my feelings didn’t matter. Apparently they didn’t. I never got a closure, a last conversation, an explanation of what hurt him/turned him off, whatever. I am still struggling. I was very upset at the beginning and I had to walk away, but as soon as the anger left my body, I was left with just… sadness and desperation.
That sounds incredibly painful-lack of closure can be one of the hardest things to process. It’s natural to still feel hurt, and giving yourself space to feel and heal from this is so important. Sending you strength. 💜
I’m so sorry to hear that! 😢 That type of things can leave you in pieces and take a long time to recover from. Something similar happened to me with DA after a longterm relationship and it was one of the most painful things I have gone through. One thing that helped me was a podcast called ”coping with ghosting”. Just a tip, in case you feel it would help you to get more information and new perspectives on ghosting. Wish you lots of love and healing! ❤️
I was ghosted after 2 years. She said nothing. She just never responded to my last text. It is the most pain I've ever experienced in my life. It broke me
I was ghosted in August by someone I reconnected with after 20 years of losing touch. He reached out to reconnect us after all that time, we had nearly a year of drawing closer, and then he just fully dropped out of contact. It was as if he got up in the middle of a conversation and walked out of the room. I know he's fine physically, so it's not like something cataclysmic happened. He lives long distance, but that didn't seem to be an issue. He's clearly DA and I straddle the line between secure and AP. We met 33 years ago and grew up together and we voiced early on after reconnecting that it was like we were finally ready for each other. I suppose he thought he was, but this behavior shows he clearly wasn't. It all sucks and it's so incredibly disappointing. Still no word, just a few Instagram likes from him while I remain in silence. So weird.
DA here. I think after 1 date and there was no conversation about seeing each other again there is no expectation of another date. So "ghosting" in this instance is ok. I noticed you both say you ghosted in part so you didn't hurt the other person's feelings. I always think this is bs. It isn't even logical to think it doesn't hurt or hurts the other person less to be ghosted. Let's be honest. It is 100% the ghoster's lack of courage to have a discussion.
Agreed, it’s often easier to label ghosting as a way to ‘spare’ feelings, but direct communication is usually the kinder option. Facing tough conversations takes courage, but it’s ultimately more respectful.
people need to heed the wise words at 11:30. sometimes ghosting is your answer. people who ghost you are ghosters, period. using tactics to get them on the phone is rarely successful because, wait for it, they don't want to talk to you. people can't be forced to care. don't put your own mental wellness in the hands of a person who doesn't care.
You're right, ghosting usually speaks volumes on its own. Trying to force communication with someone who’s already checked out often only drains our own energy. Protecting mental wellness should always come first.
Disagree that ghosting is ever acceptable. Not even from a relationship viewpoint, but from the view of being a decent human being. Ghosting just screams "you are not even worthy of basic respect"
My ex is DA she was visiting kids out of state during covid. One day she called and launched into bizzare events that most consider minor years back. She announced a desire for divorce. Said we would discuss but needed time. Time never came. Ghosted after 34 year marriage. Talk about debilitating. Absolutely debilitating. For any DA that feels people are hard on you. I feel that being a DA is a challenge but so is living and loving and investing in you. Trauma takes years to unravel.
He ghosted me 4 months in, 6 months in, 1 year in, 1 year 4 months in, 1 year 7 months in, and the last was 1 year 10 months in. A situation that weighed heavily on me especially cause of everything they would tell me that I dearly wanted to be the reality, but at this point I don’t know what to think. The deep pit feeling in my chest and stomach hurts daily and it’s not ok, but I’ll be alright…
Will probably try to speak with Thais again on Thursdays webinar. I’m ap but lean secure, was a in a 13 year + relationship with someone who I’ve learned is da leaning fa, birthdays are 7 days apart. Was ghosted after being somewhat long distance for 2 years. Didn’t receive a text on my birthday and hasn’t even checked in on our dogs. Received no explanation or clarity. In typical ap fashion I’ve tried to understand why. No answer can make sense of it. As lost and confused I’ve felt the last 5 months. All I can do is try and the pieces of myself that I lost back together and regain a new level of appreciation of self
I am an anxious, preoccupied person. I have ghosted once or twice on the first date. It was an online dating thing where we met for the first time. I knew as soon as I walked in it was a no, and all that sounds horrible. We went halves on the check. It was more like friends getting together, not like a date. There was another time where I was super interested in the guy; we had been talking on the phone and FaceTime for about two weeks. When we were on the first date, he kept bringing up my weight and even went as far as rubbing my stomach. I did ask him if my weight was a problem; he said no, you’re working out. That’s awesome. He continued talking about it. A lot of things went wrong. I was so creeped out I blocked him.
9 months in and 2 days after a 4 day wonderful getaway, he got mad over something I said, screamed at me in a way that was way overboard for the context, slammed the phone down and it is now day 5 of ZERO contact.
Thank you! This video is very illuminating. In general, how do DA's respond to apologies for being pushy? Do they feel relieved and understood or would it just make them feel more overwhelmed?
I was ghosted for the first time after the third date recently. I got the impression that he was just really busy with work and didn't have the space in his life for a serious relationship. But not knowing for sure why is torture. I wish i would have asked for clarification like Mike did, but it's been a month and now it's way too late.
I was ghosted by my husband of 10 years a year and a half ago, he has recently started communicating with me, we are still married. Not sure what is going to happen with the relationship yet, the divorce paperwork has been submitted, I'm not sure if he could handle coming back, my family is really upset with him and most friends aren't responding to his messages because he didn't just ghost me, he ghosted everyone.
Im trying to figure out if my ex is this cuz we just broke up when been together for a while she had been clingy and all but everything would be goin well not to many fights but one time she did get mad she stopped talking to me for a couple days then talked to me but something happens and she stopped talking to me and she messaged me again couple days later thought I was lying when i wasn't then some other stuff happened and made it worse and haven't heard from her I had to find out from a mutual friend that asked her n she said we wasn't together no more and she is very cold and not talking she didn't talk about the situation at all n wont talk about it
I had a relationship with a neighbor for about 10 months. We run into each other only a few times a month. We started talking about our children in the house entrance in about 2 months before we started intimate relationship. I understand that he is a DA as he occasionally avoids talking but when we run into each other. He usually gently reapproaches after 2 months. He said kisses and gave me gifts. I don't know if this is called ghosting or if he is just developing feelings for me. Problem is that I know his divorced exwife and her relatives 20 years ago. She says she support it but I think he finds the situation and divorce complicated.I have told him my boundaries but should I continue to give him space or cut it off completely?
@@WrittenMysteriesAnd what would those reasons be? 🤔 Cause every few months, he’d try to match with me on a dating site, even though he already had my number. Very strange behaviour and a total turn off for me
That’s confusing! Cold feet can really throw things off, especially when it’s initiated on their side. Sometimes people struggle with their own emotions, but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating.
Hello, dear, have a good time, I hope you are doing well wherever you are❤️. One of your videos was suggested to me by UA-cam, and when I looked at your thumbnail, we saw that it was very busy and full of text, and the audience was not attracted, that's why I wanted to offer a collaboration because My specialty is graphic design and I also design thumbnails. If you agree, I will design your thumbnails. How is it?!🤔
As FA who leans more avoidant, i use to ghost for several reasons, one, i didnt value the other person , meaning it was too early in the dating stage so they had no meaningful value in my personal life, second if i know the person is going to cry and try to keep me around by finding ways to make it work so that i stay (the one who cant take a no). I just need someone who i can be honest with without them being overly emotional about it. I love when i can say hey this is not going to work out for me because you are not my type (mentally or physically or both) and they simply say ok i understand and go about my business. But if i know you will not take my no and try to fix it, i would ghost and third if i notice you have a codependency issue and self esteem issues those people SCARE me to my core!
yes I can totally relate. I tend to calculate whether an argument/discussion will be successful. avoidants hate conflict because conflict has such a low success rate. I'm good at giving feedback that I know will be received.
@@WrittenMysteriesyou don’t know that, how can you predict this? From my own experience, the more you sweep problems under the rug, the more resentment and distrust is created. I always see conflict as us against the problem, not me against you. And with my ex our whole relationship turned it into a power struggle where I had to interpret his “signs” and read his thoughts. Nobody talks about the emotional labor behind this.
@@IanuaDiaboli we're adults who've been at this for a while. we've seen what Twilight described. the anxious type who won't go away. the secure type who offers to fix you like a renovation project. the fearful type who thinks you must have cheated. DAs are hypervigilant. we watch people to see how they handle conflict.
I think it's BS that men expect us to split the bill these days. Women have soooo many expenses that men don't have. How bout we split my nail, hair and waxing appointments too? Such a weird time to be alive and dating.
I don't blame them! I actually know of women who just accept the date for the free meal. 🤮 Also, sometimes men make less than us. I wouldn't go broke for a potential match.
I missed the part where men are forcing women to spend money on things that disguise themselves. If a guy did, then it's probably not a good person to be with....
If you can't split the bill don't go out on a date. What is the guy getting from you at the end of the date? If he isn't getting an offer for you to pay, not even a hug and kiss or even a "Let's meet again on such and such date" why should he not ask to split the bill? The best thing to do is to actually discuss how dates should be paid for prior to going on them. Way too many women these days choose to go on "Foodie Dates" instead of going for coffee or tea with people they are NOT interested in. If a guy they are interested in suggests coffee or a walk in the park, they would jump at the chance and not even question it. Ultimately just put yourself in men's shoes for one moment and think about how much money you have to spend going on 7 dates all of which require pricey restaurant visits. That make up and stuff you as a woman will use to go on these dates will still be way less than all those 7 dates. If women were primarily the ones who paid for dates I bet you, your mindset about this would be different.
I am an anxious, preoccupied person. I have ghosted once or twice on the first date. It was an online dating thing where we met for the first time. I knew as soon as I walked in it was a no, and all that sounds horrible. We went halves on the check. It was more like friends getting together, not like a date. There was another time where I was super interested in the guy; we had been talking on the phone and FaceTime for about two weeks. When we were on the first date, he kept bringing up my weight and even went as far as rubbing my stomach. I did ask him if my weight was a problem; he said no, you’re working out. That’s awesome. He continued talking about it. A lot of things went wrong. I was so creeped out I blocked him.
Discover the keys to overcoming pain, apply post-traumatic growth principles, and reprogram your subconscious with the "How to Heal From a Breakup" course. Free Black Friday Trial: 14 Days of All-Access to personal growth & relationship courses!
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When someone ghosts me, I lose attraction therefore I don't want or need an explanation. Bottom line is they don't want to be there and not thinking much of me, so why would I ruminate over them? They are doing me a favor.
Ghosting is the lowest of the low behavior. No respect or love should be given to people who do this because it's cruel and unnecessary. If you were ghosted, do not EVER take that person back and do not dare think you are less than them because what they did is pathetic and low and speaks to their character.
I appreciate what has been said in this video about closure. I don't think ghosting is just ceasing all communication, but also not giving any reason for the cutoff. My avoidant ex (who I was friends with for 6 years before dating) abruptly stopped our relationship of two and a half years, with no reasoning or explanation asking if we could just be friends. We see each other on a regular basis due to volunteer work that we participate in, and she continually breaks her own rules of no contact when she is struggling or redefines what "friends" constitutes in our interactions and what I'm allowed to do and not to do by her rules. Still with no explanations 7 months later. It takes a lot of compassion to keep up with, and it seems like my feelings don't matter at all (which I know not to be true).
22:05 “ghosted” at one year and a half. It happened at the beginning of October of this year. It was after a discussion around commitment, which then escalated because I felt dismissed and as if my feelings didn’t matter. Apparently they didn’t. I never got a closure, a last conversation, an explanation of what hurt him/turned him off, whatever. I am still struggling. I was very upset at the beginning and I had to walk away, but as soon as the anger left my body, I was left with just… sadness and desperation.
That sounds incredibly painful-lack of closure can be one of the hardest things to process. It’s natural to still feel hurt, and giving yourself space to feel and heal from this is so important. Sending you strength. 💜
I’m so sorry to hear that! 😢 That type of things can leave you in pieces and take a long time to recover from.
Something similar happened to me with DA after a longterm relationship and it was one of the most painful things I have gone through.
One thing that helped me was a podcast called ”coping with ghosting”. Just a tip, in case you feel it would help you to get more information and new perspectives on ghosting.
Wish you lots of love and healing! ❤️
I was ghosted after 2 years. She said nothing. She just never responded to my last text. It is the most pain I've ever experienced in my life. It broke me
I’m sorry that happened to you
I was ghosted in August by someone I reconnected with after 20 years of losing touch. He reached out to reconnect us after all that time, we had nearly a year of drawing closer, and then he just fully dropped out of contact. It was as if he got up in the middle of a conversation and walked out of the room. I know he's fine physically, so it's not like something cataclysmic happened. He lives long distance, but that didn't seem to be an issue. He's clearly DA and I straddle the line between secure and AP. We met 33 years ago and grew up together and we voiced early on after reconnecting that it was like we were finally ready for each other. I suppose he thought he was, but this behavior shows he clearly wasn't. It all sucks and it's so incredibly disappointing. Still no word, just a few Instagram likes from him while I remain in silence. So weird.
i'm a DA and i rarely date because of this attachment style.
DA here. I think after 1 date and there was no conversation about seeing each other again there is no expectation of another date. So "ghosting" in this instance is ok. I noticed you both say you ghosted in part so you didn't hurt the other person's feelings. I always think this is bs. It isn't even logical to think it doesn't hurt or hurts the other person less to be ghosted. Let's be honest. It is 100% the ghoster's lack of courage to have a discussion.
Agreed, it’s often easier to label ghosting as a way to ‘spare’ feelings, but direct communication is usually the kinder option. Facing tough conversations takes courage, but it’s ultimately more respectful.
I really appreciate these insights, but idk why I watch this series because it keeps me stuck in bad memories 😔
people need to heed the wise words at 11:30. sometimes ghosting is your answer. people who ghost you are ghosters, period. using tactics to get them on the phone is rarely successful because, wait for it, they don't want to talk to you. people can't be forced to care. don't put your own mental wellness in the hands of a person who doesn't care.
It’s still hurtful.
You're right, ghosting usually speaks volumes on its own. Trying to force communication with someone who’s already checked out often only drains our own energy. Protecting mental wellness should always come first.
@bulldogsghost-y1o I repeated what Thais said in the video 🤣
@bulldogsghost-y1ohey let’a go to therapy together and see which one of us the therapist says is healthier
Disagree that ghosting is ever acceptable. Not even from a relationship viewpoint, but from the view of being a decent human being. Ghosting just screams "you are not even worthy of basic respect"
My ex is DA she was visiting kids out of state during covid. One day she called and launched into bizzare events that most consider minor years back. She announced a desire for divorce. Said we would discuss but needed time. Time never came. Ghosted after 34 year marriage. Talk about debilitating. Absolutely debilitating. For any DA that feels people are hard on you. I feel that being a DA is a challenge but so is living and loving and investing in you. Trauma takes years to unravel.
He ghosted me 4 months in, 6 months in, 1 year in, 1 year 4 months in, 1 year 7 months in, and the last was 1 year 10 months in. A situation that weighed heavily on me especially cause of everything they would tell me that I dearly wanted to be the reality, but at this point I don’t know what to think. The deep pit feeling in my chest and stomach hurts daily and it’s not ok, but I’ll be alright…
Will probably try to speak with Thais again on Thursdays webinar. I’m ap but lean secure, was a in a 13 year + relationship with someone who I’ve learned is da leaning fa, birthdays are 7 days apart. Was ghosted after being somewhat long distance for 2 years. Didn’t receive a text on my birthday and hasn’t even checked in on our dogs. Received no explanation or clarity. In typical ap fashion I’ve tried to understand why. No answer can make sense of it. As lost and confused I’ve felt the last 5 months. All I can do is try and the pieces of myself that I lost back together and regain a new level of appreciation of self
my ex ghosted me after three years because he was unable to have a proper conversation about his 'break up reasons' ...
I am an anxious, preoccupied person. I have ghosted once or twice on the first date. It was an online dating thing where we met for the first time. I knew as soon as I walked in it was a no, and all that sounds horrible. We went halves on the check. It was more like friends getting together, not like a date.
There was another time where I was super interested in the guy; we had been talking on the phone and FaceTime for about two weeks. When we were on the first date, he kept bringing up my weight and even went as far as rubbing my stomach. I did ask him if my weight was a problem; he said no, you’re working out. That’s awesome. He continued talking about it. A lot of things went wrong. I was so creeped out I blocked him.
9 months in and 2 days after a 4 day wonderful getaway, he got mad over something I said, screamed at me in a way that was way overboard for the context, slammed the phone down and it is now day 5 of ZERO contact.
Thank you! This video is very illuminating. In general, how do DA's respond to apologies for being pushy? Do they feel relieved and understood or would it just make them feel more overwhelmed?
I was ghosted for the first time after the third date recently. I got the impression that he was just really busy with work and didn't have the space in his life for a serious relationship. But not knowing for sure why is torture. I wish i would have asked for clarification like Mike did, but it's been a month and now it's way too late.
I was ghosted by my husband of 10 years a year and a half ago, he has recently started communicating with me, we are still married. Not sure what is going to happen with the relationship yet, the divorce paperwork has been submitted, I'm not sure if he could handle coming back, my family is really upset with him and most friends aren't responding to his messages because he didn't just ghost me, he ghosted everyone.
Im trying to figure out if my ex is this cuz we just broke up when been together for a while she had been clingy and all but everything would be goin well not to many fights but one time she did get mad she stopped talking to me for a couple days then talked to me but something happens and she stopped talking to me and she messaged me again couple days later thought I was lying when i wasn't then some other stuff happened and made it worse and haven't heard from her I had to find out from a mutual friend that asked her n she said we wasn't together no more and she is very cold and not talking she didn't talk about the situation at all n wont talk about it
I had a relationship with a neighbor for about 10 months. We run into each other only a few times a month. We started talking about our children in the house entrance in about 2 months before we started intimate relationship. I understand that he is a DA as he occasionally avoids talking but when we run into each other. He usually gently reapproaches after 2 months. He said kisses and gave me gifts. I don't know if this is called ghosting or if he is just developing feelings for me. Problem is that I know his divorced exwife and her relatives 20 years ago. She says she support it but I think he finds the situation and divorce complicated.I have told him my boundaries but should I continue to give him space or cut it off completely?
Problem for me, is that I also work with my partner, who I believe is a DA; I believe I am an FA.
Semi Ghosted by an avoidant after 6 year relationship and 1 month after moving into our first home together. Any input?
Ghosted? They just left after you moved in together??
The reason a DA gave me was he got cold feet, even though he initiated the date 🤷♀️
@@WrittenMysteriesAnd what would those reasons be? 🤔 Cause every few months, he’d try to match with me on a dating site, even though he already had my number. Very strange behaviour and a total turn off for me
That’s confusing! Cold feet can really throw things off, especially when it’s initiated on their side. Sometimes people struggle with their own emotions, but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating.
Would the same go for blocking someone?
Blocking has a similar vibe, for sure. It’s like ghosting taken to another level-it might just create more questions and unresolved feelings.
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Thank you so much Thais.
Hello, dear, have a good time, I hope you are doing well wherever you are❤️. One of your videos was suggested to me by UA-cam, and when I looked at your thumbnail, we saw that it was very busy and full of text, and the audience was not attracted, that's why I wanted to offer a collaboration because My specialty is graphic design and I also design thumbnails. If you agree, I will design your thumbnails. How is it?!🤔
As FA who leans more avoidant, i use to ghost for several reasons, one, i didnt value the other person , meaning it was too early in the dating stage so they had no meaningful value in my personal life, second if i know the person is going to cry and try to keep me around by finding ways to make it work so that i stay (the one who cant take a no). I just need someone who i can be honest with without them being overly emotional about it. I love when i can say hey this is not going to work out for me because you are not my type (mentally or physically or both) and they simply say ok i understand and go about my business. But if i know you will not take my no and try to fix it, i would ghost and third if i notice you have a codependency issue and self esteem issues those people SCARE me to my core!
You have your preferences, but the other person deserves respect. Sorry, but I can’t justify ghosting.
yes I can totally relate. I tend to calculate whether an argument/discussion will be successful. avoidants hate conflict because conflict has such a low success rate. I'm good at giving feedback that I know will be received.
@@WrittenMysteriesyou don’t know that, how can you predict this? From my own experience, the more you sweep problems under the rug, the more resentment and distrust is created. I always see conflict as us against the problem, not me against you. And with my ex our whole relationship turned it into a power struggle where I had to interpret his “signs” and read his thoughts. Nobody talks about the emotional labor behind this.
If you are affraid of their reaction, send them a message. This would be better than nothing
@@IanuaDiaboli we're adults who've been at this for a while. we've seen what Twilight described. the anxious type who won't go away. the secure type who offers to fix you like a renovation project. the fearful type who thinks you must have cheated. DAs are hypervigilant. we watch people to see how they handle conflict.
I think it's BS that men expect us to split the bill these days. Women have soooo many expenses that men don't have. How bout we split my nail, hair and waxing appointments too? Such a weird time to be alive and dating.
Do women do hair and nails for their own happiness or to attract a man? The answer seems to change depending on the situation.
I don't blame them! I actually know of women who just accept the date for the free meal. 🤮 Also, sometimes men make less than us. I wouldn't go broke for a potential match.
I missed the part where men are forcing women to spend money on things that disguise themselves. If a guy did, then it's probably not a good person to be with....
If you can't split the bill don't go out on a date. What is the guy getting from you at the end of the date?
If he isn't getting an offer for you to pay, not even a hug and kiss or even a "Let's meet again on such and such date" why should he not ask to split the bill?
The best thing to do is to actually discuss how dates should be paid for prior to going on them.
Way too many women these days choose to go on "Foodie Dates" instead of going for coffee or tea with people they are NOT interested in.
If a guy they are interested in suggests coffee or a walk in the park, they would jump at the chance and not even question it.
Ultimately just put yourself in men's shoes for one moment and think about how much money you have to spend going on 7 dates all of which require pricey restaurant visits.
That make up and stuff you as a woman will use to go on these dates will still be way less than all those 7 dates.
If women were primarily the ones who paid for dates I bet you, your mindset about this would be different.
I am an anxious, preoccupied person. I have ghosted once or twice on the first date. It was an online dating thing where we met for the first time. I knew as soon as I walked in it was a no, and all that sounds horrible. We went halves on the check. It was more like friends getting together, not like a date.
There was another time where I was super interested in the guy; we had been talking on the phone and FaceTime for about two weeks. When we were on the first date, he kept bringing up my weight and even went as far as rubbing my stomach. I did ask him if my weight was a problem; he said no, you’re working out. That’s awesome. He continued talking about it. A lot of things went wrong. I was so creeped out I blocked him.