There were so many Masters - to whom should I go?
Naturally, when I looked all around, there were so many Masters. To whom should I go? We were three brothers. Two of us helped each other: "If you find any Godman, tell me; if I find one, I will tell you." We were searching, you see. So many men were having meetings of this kind. Once it so happened that my brother wrote me, "Here's a very great man; a very great Master has come. Will you come?" I went there. I told him, "I have intoxication that continues day and night; but sometimes, after three, four or five months, it breaks for a day or two. And I am very much puzzled. Can you help me in that?" What did he say? "You'll have to lay down everything - your body, mind and soul - to me. Only then I can, I will give it to you." I thought, "The man is after my body and possessions; my intellect and everything is to be blindfolded." I paid him homage and returned.
Well, you see - surrender comes only when you see some competence. Devotion and love - one who loves, is something else. When you surrender, you have control of the one to whom you surrender: he has to take care of you.
So many came and passed by. I used to see one who was very God-intoxicated; but he lived in a way that nobody dared come to him. We used to meet all our friends, in the evening, outside. We were talking, "Is there any Godman we can find?" Then I told them, "I've seen one man. He's God-intoxicated, but he's a hard nut to crack." You'll find that some are God-intoxicated, but they won't let you go near them. You people have the privilege to talk (to me), question, cross-question and criticize; this man would not suffer that. So I told them about that man. Our Master (Baba Sawan Singh) also used to refer to him; He also met him; his name was Baba Kahan. He lived in a naked state; there a fire was burning, amid filth; when there was heat, he was just fanning the other way. I told them, "He's got some intoxication." Anyone that went to him, he would call them names. If they didn't leave, then he would beat them. But there was something there: he would call them names, and people would still remain there. Sometimes they would get a beating, too. But for whatever purpose they went, that purpose was served: they had it.
In those days I was reading in school. I also used to go to him. He was just sitting on a platform here, in a half-naked way; I used to stand over there, watching people whom he called names going away. I stayed on until everybody left. Then he called me, "Well, Sardar, what do you want?" I went to him: "I came only to see you." - "All right, go!"
That's how I had that connection with him. So I told one man, "He has something; but he's a very hard nut to crack, mind that." Nobody suffers, you see. This is a very valuable thing. Who is going to give it to you?
"Well, all right; what shall I do?" he asked. "Go and sit at night with him. Even if he says anything or calls you names, don't mind it." He went that night; he stayed there. After eleven or twelve o'clock, Baba Kahan called him names and also beat him with his fist. He ran away. The next day our party met together again, and I asked him, "How did you find him?" - "Oh, he called me names and beat me with his fist." - "Well, don't mind," I said. "He's got something. Don't mind - go!" So the next night, he again went there. Instead of only beating him, Baba Kahan took that burning wood and struck him. Then he left. The next day he did not strike him with the wood, but put him underneath a well. Again he went away. On the third day, I asked him what happened. "Oh yes," I said, "but don't mind - he's got something. He's guarding that wealth; he'll not let you have it. Don't mind." The night of the third day he also went there. He did as I described you: he made a little wound with the burning wood. He did not leave him. In the middle of the night, after one o'clock, Baba Kahan asked, "What do you want after all? Why are you coming to me?" He said, "Well, Master, give me something." Then he made him hear the Sound Current. Some people have it; they keep it very close-fisted. They don't give it out.
So it went on like that. I used to pray: "Oh God, I'm convinced that without one who knows. God cannot be known by the outgoing faculties, by the vital airs or by the intellect. It is a matter of seeing: whoever sees can make you see. "I know there's a need - definitely: all scriptures say so. I'm quite convinced, but where am I to go? Suppose I go to somebody who has not met You - what will be my fate?" I used to pray like that. "If You could reveal Yourself to the old Saints" - sometimes there are stories like that - "why can't You do it in my case? I am convinced, I've great regard for that need; but there are so many Masters - whom shall I select?" With this, my Master (Baba Sawan Singh) began to appear to me when I sat in meditation or when I was doing something. I thought perhaps it was Guru Nanak.