Відео

Thank you so much for this video, it's coming to me at exactly the right moment in my life. I can get through this, it's only temporary. As I like to tell myself when things get super stressful, "Just Breathe". It's nice to know I'm not alone in this struggle though & more of us have also gone through it & survived, thank you again for sharing. Take Care Meow 💫😸

Love you❤️❤️❤️

Thank you so much for making this video!

Oh! Now I am going to be paying more attention. :) I will say that I really enjoy the movie Hunt for Red October. In an early scene in the movie Sean Connery is eating at the officers table and it drives me nuts! It's like he's chewing and talking at the same time, there's these smacking sounds OMG! hahaha

I think its really good advice for infps who are more avoidant attachment. I see some of myself in that. But I so very anxious too n for that we gotta pull back sometiems from dating

I have not had a panic attack, so no help there but the writing sounds wonderful.

I've not considered 90's romantic comedies in this light before and I like the different perspective. I will say that although I initially liked the "formula" it seemed to get over used rather quickly. We are less likely to revisit those movies as often as we will others. The exception might be "Working Girl", my wife and I like to take that one in sort of annually. I think it may be due to a lady making it against all odds. Random thoughts today. :)

I learn something every time I watch a video from you. That is very much appreciated. 🙏

Great video and great comments!

I definitely relate to this. Great way to think about it - bunch of potatoes 😊😂 Also, I feel that day jobs to keep creatives sustained in the modern world can be overly exploitative, and I intuitively feel the pressure. My intuition can protect me from a terrible job, and I can come across as hesitant in an interview and not realise why until later and I have heard others truly complain about that place of work etc. When I can pick up a feeling that the employer is going to be more caring, I can subconsciously feel it, and be more relaxed and confident in an interview. I trust how I feel. Feeling - one of INFP’s Superpowers 🎉Wishing you much luck and great success with job hunting ☺️✨

When I have an important place to go or person to see, I usually spend the previous few days and the morning of the encounter, saying affirmations and I carry a tiger's eye and carnelian stone for courage and self confidence. Doesn't mean it will get the job done but I do feel stronger going to the meeting. Believing in something, a special piece of jewelry maybe, might be a help. Affirmations work to a degree, I find. I hope you have luck finding a good place. With lovely people to work with. Loved your description of the trees. 🌈🌼🌳

This world is not built for our strengths but rather for Te users. So the fact that we are hanging in there against the odds makes us resilient and deserving of praise. Print out the job application and write the facts/experience that you have that correlate with most of the requirements and practice in front of the mirror. Record yourself and change the cadence of your voice if needs be to sell yourself. If you are an enneagram type 4 INFP you have a 3 wing which is basically the ability to promote yourself but if you pretend that it's a role that you are playing it will be easier since INFPs make great actors. If you are a type 9 INFP you go to type 3 when you are healthy so you have it in you. Job searches are demoralizing especially for sensitive types like us who take things personally. Those people you met in the interview wont even remember you so make the experience useful by learning from it for your next interview. Most of those people are either faking the self confidence so don't read too much into them or their reactions.Just sell yourself there because you deserve to be there in that interview and you deserve to be heard and to have an opportunity like everyone else. No one is better than you, they are just born with other gifts and you are born with yours which is of equal value. INFPs make solid behind the scenes types of workers who become highly competent in their field. Robert Greene is an example of a highly competent INFP who is often referenced by high earning ENTJs. We prefer to work one to one. Do some research on INFP workers in the workplace/best work environment for INFPs or your enneagram type to get to know yourself very well in a work setting. Then with that knowledge think about what you will bring to the job. So whatever the job, knowing you're an INFP you can already know that you are a goal oriented worker who strives to be highly competent and cooperative in your field. You bring innovative/creative solutions that can make things more efficient since we strive for and respect extraverted thinking especially in midlife. We are dependable, strive for harmony with our coworkers and our flaw is our perfectionism to get the job done well. We are highly motivated to achieve goals that we are passionate about. So if you are motivated to improve your standard of living by aiming for a better job opportunity know that despite these low lows you will pick yourself up and keep on striving for it, it's just in you. Don't give up. You deserve an opportunity just like anyone else.

I struggle with giving myself the grace and leeway that I grant to others in order to outwardly express pride in myself. When I think about myself I tend to counter every positive that I think of with one of my negatives. It's like I am trying to avoid misrepresenting the totality of who I am. I despise fake people and especially those who brag and boast a lot so it may be overcompensation in trying to avoid becoming what I detest in others. When I interact with others in relation to work, misrepresenting aspects of myself or giving just one side of my capabilities without letting people know my weaknesses would have me worried that they would then be disappointed if they gave me something to take care of that I can't handle all due to me withholding and so they figured I could manage it. I wish I could advise you on how to fake it but honestly an ENTJ or INTP would be more likely to give that advice. I would tell you to be your authentic self and eventually someone who appreciates that will hire you. Or try getting hired by places that don't require face to face interviews. I went a different direction with my life, I decided I was done working for people and being a 9-5 zombie so I am doing the self employed thing and trying to build my customer base at my own pace. I am a much happier person. Life is still a struggle though :)

As an INFP - it's so hard. In person I try to rely on telling stories about myself, but I have a bad habit of then telling them what my weaknesses are. And I find it really hard to talk myself up in cover letters as well. But yeah, the idea of talking myself up and the idea of 'bragging' is so hard. I guess INFPs might cling to the idea that our very aura will get us through? Anyway, I don't really do well with careers and it's a struggle for sure.

I'm not sure if lack of authenticity is the only reason we might lack self confidence. But the moment that I have to compromise my values or pretend that I like something which I simply do not...stupid shit flows out of my mouth...like a river. I have no idea what the job was. To be honest I haven't watched any videos of yours for a long time. So my first thought is to look at anything about the job which compromises your values. It's interesting that you are asking for advice on how to "fake confidence". Hmmm, so far you've seen this be successful for how many INFPs??? I don't really have much of a picture of how that interview went, other than that it sounds like you leaned harder and harder into pretending to be something that you are not every time your authenticity was challenged. When we step out of our comfort zone the universe has a strange way of showing us that our weaknesses are actually our strengths. I've spent thousands and thousands of hours complicating things studying myself psychologically. Years ago I found a Ted Talk (by Michael Brody-Waite) which summed up everything I had learned by bringing everything back to three basic principles: 1. Practice rigorous authenticity 2. Surrender the outcome 3. Do uncomfortable work Funnily enough, he talks in the video about being absolutely desperate to get a job and the temptation to lie. When I find myself unnecessarily complicating things I watch this video. It always puts things into perspective. Actually, I think I'll go and watch it now. Thanks!

Whew! I could go on for hours about this but I don't have any good advice. Fast approaching 70 and the struggle continues. Even when I feel confident about what I am doing, I can only come across as mediocre. Then in the aftermath I'm kicking myself for not performing better in the meeting. Too much ramble from me but I know exactly what you're feeling.

I’m the same way. If it’s any help, you are not alone, though I don’t have the solution or answer to change things. Also..you mentioned dying at your desk. Did you hear the story about the woman working at a Wells Fargo in AZ that was found desk at her desk 4 days after she clocked in? I don’t hope that for you or anyone. 🫶🏾

I fell you, Paula. The Good Place is the best series ever. ❤❤❤ I hope you feel better.

Hi Paula, we don't really know each other. I've known your dad since before you and Daniel were born. I served in Spanish congregation with Dan and Susan for a while before they left. But you and I haven't met. My name is Myra Keal (Richardson if you ask older ones about me) l started hearing about you from Susie when you started working with her on her books. She is so impressed with you! And day by day, I've become so. She once mentioned to me that when I asked about you, you were sick quite often. It never occurred to me that you suffered from a or more than one chronic illness. I do also. I won't go into detail about my journey since you obviously have your own and are familiar with how it literally destroys your life as you previously knew it. What I'd like to do is tell you how much of an inspiration you may be to those who know you but how much more so you can be if knowledge of you were to spread. Just from what I know of you, which is little, it seems that you may have your hands full already. And, that being said, of course what comes next is that I'd like you to consider adding more😂😂 Not a lot more, I promise. But some. If you are interested just a tad bit, please please contact me so that we can discuss this. My phone number is 225.205.1459. Thanks for your time.

Wooo! Sounds intriguing. :)

Paula, once again your wisdom surrounding the INFP personality type is so spot on. Self confidence is such an issue with me. I am able to implement the avoidance of negative people so much better these days and it helps immensely. Thank you!

I'm trying to be understanding. But I'll be honest I was getting frustrated and angry just hearing the explanation. I'm like "just spit it out! Just tell them" . As a Intj, we can handle the truth but we can't handle with bottled up anti conflict stuff. Ugh

Paula, this is amazing.. I hope this will reach many more viewers who are also struggling with celiac disease.

Thats actually such good advice, thank you!!

Thank you for this. I have listened to you several times. As an ENFP I feel very misunderstood most of the time. What you see as my gifts other people now gaslight for it.

💖

I think that that some of the confusion stem from the psycho-therapy framework knows as "Whole Object relations." Whole object relations has to do with one's ability to orient themselves to recognize the "otherness" of people as not being merely extensions of themselves. Narcissism is a psychological construct using the character or narcissus as an archetypal representation of the mental disorder. Being a narcissist at the extremes lead an individual to not see others as entirely separate from them. A narcissist sees others as mere extensions of themselves. INFP's can be prone to interacting with the version of people that they believe someone to be not who they actually are. When you spend so much time in your inner world, you stop looking at the outside for answers. You can become more confident in your interpretation of the world than actually experiencing it. If people are simply reduced to an Idea or concept that you can control, while you remain the most complex and misunderstood being, you become the God of your own world. as INFP's we lead with Fi which makes us very self aware. We may run the risk of only being aware that we exist. We can devote all of our time to ourselves and spend little time actually interacting with the thoughts and feelings of others in real time. We can simply become oblivious to the real world experiences of others because Si requires us to experience things in order to have a frame of reference. Our ability to introspect is of course a gift, but it comes at the cost of other things. Being a personality type should not serve as an identity in and of itself. It should serve as a starting point for our journey of self discovery. Our journey to self discovery only begins when we realize that we are an INFP. Finding out our cognitive function tells us our potential and limitations in the same utterance. Every cognitive stack falls somewhere on the spectrum of narcissism, the only question is how healthy or pathological we are at various points of our life.

INFP's are just the opposite of self-centered, we are within ourselves and thinking behaving Etc because our empathy is quiet and contained...but is because our concerns actions reactions are about others

plenty of INFP musicians in the 27 club

"quiet rebel" is so accurate

Keep doing what you love 😂

Good Job😂

Fantastic video Paula I loved this 😊

Hi Paula! Thank you for making this video, just hearing you explain how this happens and how it effects people really helps me. It's true, I've had people extremely close to me using that toxic positivity and it feels awful - it makes me feel upset for the shame and the idea that someone is limiting and controlling feelings, but also when it's done with good intentions, it's really hard to confront it. And then it's bad because I start to mirror them back lol, dismissing my own feelings to make them feel better, and it all just feels so unhealthy.

Hello, Paula! Thank you for the video! Toxic positivity is something which I have faced, and I have a particular disdain for it! When others are going through difficulties, I strive to extend my support to them. I believe we INFPs have a particular potential for being that solid person for others by holding emotional space for them, especially for the negative emotions. By using our dominant function of introverted feeling, we can go deep into the nuances of emotions and the values behind them (as well as the needs behind the values). I agree with you about the importance of setting verbal boundaries with others.

Honestly, honestly have never heard anyone use that term before

I appreciate your videos very much. I tend to shut down the feelings too but I go too far with it. Sooner or later I start to avoid the relationship which is really not good in the long run. I've started to avoid anger fairly successfully but still at great expense. Setting boundaries is something very difficult for me to do yet. I truly wish you well Paula. Thanks for sharing your strength.

fuck dude. INFP reporting in. i was just carefully listening till 2:04 then i laughed hysterically at the situation i pictured in my mind laughing hysterically in a private setting with a possible romantic partner out of nowhere. damn. my heart-all-out-laughter sounds sometimes really crazy huh? xD but tbh the most crazy part is, that i am 29 y/o and just some days ago discovered this personality test. that myers briggers thing. i did 4 times the deep test and everytime samy result. so i watched up some INFP videos ofc :D. i feel like an open book, when i am listening to youtubers who cover the topic INFP.

I just started the video but I am literally wondering the same. Im wondering if I only or lets say mostly feel empathy by imagening my self in the situation and wondering how I would feel, am I not just crying about myself in a hypothetical situation ultimately?! Idk but this is something that concerns me. I've always thought about myself as an empathetic person but Im questioning myseld

My opinion is super self-centered when my opinion is if you are going to love someone, both has to be able to be in it together through storm and fire. When you self-love, whoever said it better be able to make his/her surroundings a healthy place to live for all. If you said you are an empath, you better be able to understand and feel with the person along the way and be able to put him/herself in their shoes without judgment. Guiding the person along to see another day. Am I toxic and narcissistic? I actually got so worried that I am and could harm other people I took the test and I'm far from it. In fact, I'm literally prey to narcissists and sometimes I find that sadistically fun. xD

I bought your book and read it my kids. Keep going strong!

Fellow INFP... lucky enough to be married to an INFP... which is fabulous as she understands me as few others can! Regarding narcissists... it's more that our overwhelming tendency towards empathy makes us an easy target for the narcissist... especially those INFP's who are also S quadrant professionally. In short, we're seen as 'willing to please,' and as one who 'won't give up caring, even about the narcissist intent on sucking us dry to feed their insatiable appetite for supply. As I've matured, I've found it helpful to just simply own the eccentricities that make me a target, to have firm and intentional boundaries with negative people (especially narcissists), and to always be open to loving on those willing to see me for who I am. And, to see and accept people for who they are as well. Above all however, is a reliance on God has to be there. At least, for me.

Although she is an INFJ and my best friend and she drives me nuts. I watched a video about how people should feel about INFJ up they are an infp, it happened to be yours lol

She also has celiac disease and thyroid disease. This is odd.

So you have auto immune problems that’s what it sounds like. My sister also was diagnosed with type one diabetes as an adult and it is very weird. You live in the same place you should get together and talk.

You always have such great advice and insight.

I definitely find that while I'm obsessing about my own problems, if all of a sudden i am forced into a situation where someone else needs help, or is feeling even worse than me and needs a hand, it rips me out of it because my empathy does indeed overule my own self pity. This is definitely an interesting concept that i have thought about a bit. But no, ultimately i do not believe it's real narcissism. And I also do believe that it's a very infp thing to do to question if you yourself are indeed a narcissist when honestly very far from it.

i see a Narcissit as a school bully they tease everyone else they cheat to win, it dont matter if they hurt people their feelings do not matter all that matters is they in control and they win, they steal from others rob homes and cars they have no conscience of the pain they cause others. INFP is introverted we dont tease other people bullying is the biggest sin to us! alot of us have been victims of bullying we know how it feels we wouldnt do that to someone else, we dont even like to fight or argue we totally avoid it, we dont do pranks we terrible at jokes we serious people who only discuss what is needed, we dont do gossip either, so what if we solitary and spend hours alone improving our creativity? we hate asking others for help, we never judge other people, we dont want to be better than anyone else, this isnt abusing others and ruining their lives like narcs clearly do. Narcs should be arrested for treating people the way they do them people are cruel.

Very well said

Can you talk about infp in romantic relationships....and social life