Відео

Amen Kerri! I needed to hear this today. The name you gave your fearful voice cracked me up 😂

I know the feeling too well we will win un the End!! Wecwill win !!!

Amazing once again - thank-you Kerri

This is what the world needs more of. God bless you Miss Kerri!

The Scapegoat is merely the REJECTED child. I've known geniuses who were soundly rejected -- because they were TOO smart. (!!!) Nationally ranking test scores did them in ! One dude scored in the top fifty nationally on the PSAT. His father whipped him so badly he had to be sent immediately to the ER ! Yes, for scoring too highly ! This is not something that happens to star child athletes... ever. They become overly praised... obsessed about, even. So, they have a great risk of being The Golden Child. It's quite the comedown when they discover, in college, that they're not so hot. It's then that the script maybe flipped -- as the father flips out. No-one escapes weird parenting.

Just listening to you talk about this stuff is helpful.

I was a wild child, a juvenile delinquent and an alcoholic by 19 years old trying to conform to a father who passed onto me his confusion about who he should be and me using alcohol to relieve the pain. Finally sober at 23 after serving honorably for 4 years in the US Army, got married to the same women who has stuck by me for 35 years. In that time we raised 2 great kids got my engineering degree, bought and sold real estate, had a 30 year career, saved for and retired now I sold everything and own a ranch far from my family and in my mind can be summed up by my parents statement to me: mom: “outta sight, outta mind” and my father at the last meal I had with him before he died saying to my grown son:”what are you doing with a guy like that”. I had to break from them as I felt there was no reason to continue to try when there was 0 appreciation or love. I could go on and on.

Phewwww - the world needs to here this message. Thank-you Kerri!

The scapegoat in my family was actually a pathological liar & master manipulator.

Hoping you are keeping well. 🤗

I'm sorry that happened to you when you were 4. It happened to me when I was 7. I told my mom later that day and she said I lied and made it up. "He's so nice to you; why are you so mean to him?" she said. That was 43 years ago and I didn't recall it until 3 years ago. A lot of healing has happened in the last 3 years.

Almost 66, and I’m just this year shedding that role of scapegoat. Siblings and parents dont like this but who cares about them!!!! Long past time for me to practice self care….first, time to heal.

You are talking about my life with all its details. Thank you! I am free now and can finally walk my own way. This is such a blessing.

Thank you kindly 🙏

Thank you I need to remember this.

I was a child of narcissist parent, I came from a very difficult life with him, and was homeless with him for a very long time in the past. At some point, I managed to escape him, and had to go great lengths to get away from him. I was lucky to have known the people that had helped me, and allowed me to stay with them. I went to go be with my extended family that had found me on the internet. They had not really been in my life before previously. They flew me in first class to go be with them. At first there was this honeymoon period, they thought of me as a gift from grandmother that passed away. But what seemed like a gift from the universe, only seemed to have been something that hurt me mentally and emotionally. I was only with them for 3 months because of how difficult they seemed to have been to live with, and now strict and conditional their love and regard was towards me. I felt like I couldn’t be loved or accepted for just the way I am, or that I had to constantly fit in to their idea of how I should live my life and be like to them. Thought of me as this some kind of flawed and inadequate kid. I would hear them say things like “but he wasn’t raised that way!” “oh it’s just gonna take time”, “I just think he just wasn’t raised properly” …and it felt like I had to constantly jump through hoops in order to be loved, and if I don’t, then it’s basically ‘bye peace out can’t live with your family’. To this day I feel this deep, inner wound of rejection and unworthiness that I carry each and every day. My aunt would ask this weird question “what are the advantages that you think you have of being here?” but in my mind I’m like ‘I didn’t come here just so I can gain some kind of material advantages, I came to have a life here with my family just like any other kid would with their families’. But I just told her “I don’t know” , and she replied “then why did you come live with us honey?” I had unfortunately received some invalidating comments from others that I’ve tried to speak to about my trauma, they’ve said things like “why should they love you” and “who are you and why should you be loved and cared for” and another person said “you don’t seem to realize that you’re wanting a warped and distorted image of your family” “you are not your brother” and I’ve basically been labeled as having some kind of “sense of entitlement”. Isn’t every kid or young person deserving of what I believe to be the most basic, simplest thing that any young person could have, which is a family home, or to simply live with one’s own blood relational family, in a home? With parents, caregivers, siblings, etc? Shouldn’t it be the norm and standard for every kid or young person? But for some reason, I’m being considered by some people as like bad, evil or reprehensible for trying to have that with my own family? I tend to think if my friends can live with their families, why can’t I live with mine? So in order for a kid or young person to live with his or hers own family they have to be born and raised into it? I once had a former friend who I thought would always be validating of my trauma, but he one time went against me and invalidated me and said; “Well they raised your brother!! They raised him and not you so he’s their kid!” and he laughed at me. And so after some years later I came to figure out, that perhaps the reason why I was treated the way I was treated by my family, was all because they raised my sibling and they never raised me. I can’t believe that, I went through that whole process, of getting away from my father, and finally got to my extended family after my whole life of them not being in my life and going through a nightmarish life with a narcissist father, only for it to, pretty much, backfire on me? all because ‘they raised him and not me’. So in order for a kid or young person to live with his or hers own family they have to be born and raised into it? I have had someone that recognized the validity of my feelings though, and that person said ‘how in the world can you not be allowed just the same if not more’. It’s incredibly sad and disheartening to me that, I go to my family expecting all the love and care in the world, only to seemingly be met with the opposite, I just don’t understand that if they can love and care for my brother all of his life, why can’t they do just the same for me? They bought a condo and now my brother is living in it for free… We never chose our parents. and I never chose this life…

❤

I am sorry , no speak english

When I was younger when my mom got mad at me she would tell me "You are just like your dad." When I would talk to my dad about some cool idea I had, he would say "you're just like your mom, lots of dreams and no money." When I would tell my friends what I experience, they would say "are you sure your parents really do that stuff? Are you sure you're not exaggerating?" This led me to self-isolation and eventually drug use.

I'd like to die. My mom, my mom's sister, my brother, my son... is it me?

Thank you for these clear reflective questions parents should stop and ask themselves. The hope is that they would realize and take responsibility for their hurtful behaviors. The reality is not many would.

I was the scapegoat, Narsissistic grandmother- so all 11 of her children my aunts and uncles- and all of their children. I was the only one that spoke up at 6 years old of an older cousin Molesting me. Same story- shared with an adult that caused more damage and I was shamed and isolated for speaking up. That cousin went on to hurt multiple other family members because she wanted to protect her "image" instead. No one stood up for me- I stood up for myself. They didn't stand up for themselves and worked collectively to shame me... a 6 year old... They are now older and adults and they try to invite and include me with family things- but I will never forget. I will never forgive them. I feel sorry for them and I would never want anyone I love to be around a bunch of cowards and weak people. They do not deserve your energy, your time -nothing. Protect your energy and peace. Protect your loved ones. "being friendly" is not worth the amount of damage - hurt people can inflict. You deserve so much better. Love yourself. The best thing I did is go no contact. all of a sudden my energy was up, I'm able to enjoy the good things that happen to me and I'm healing and improving everyday. You can too! Thank you for sharing this video and helping others see the love in themnselves.

*late deadline was "latedeadx"

I am unable to edit my comment I hate spell check. *bad was BPD.

Resonate. Same Story. Thank You❤‍🩹

Kerri unraveling one lie at a time. One curse at a time. Giving the heavy laden a path to heal.

I can relate to everything explained. I used to get jokingly called Forest Gump because I would just leave anytime I felt uncomfortable.

Like the old saying goes the demon you know is better than the one you don't. Sometimes I ran from authentic love because I felt like I was undeserving or at any moment they might go from loving me to turning their back on me.. Thankfully all of those people are still around and although it's taking me years to see it I now see that it was authentic Another reason is the concern that they were just faking it so they could get something out of me, whether that be praise, money, validation, or attention. That caused me to distance myself from people that really only meant good for me. Because so many times in my life I didn't see when I was being manipulated I just assumed that everyone was trying to manipulate. And that I wasn't smart enough to notice it, so maybe I was just better off isolating.

02:05 I used to do this when I was with friends family. I would respond in a negative way to something they said that brought up bad memories. And that would give them even more reason to belittle me for make me feel negatively.

Amen!

Constant verbal assaults such as criticism, un-asked for advice, judgements, threats & fault finding throughout childhood & into adulthood can emotionally & mentally destroy a person's ability to trust or believe that anything good can come from them. The harmful words can stay with you into adulthood. Particularly if the parents are still berating & belittling the now adult child. Please see the book "Between Parent and Child" by Haim Ginott. In it he explains what helps & what harms a person's ability to feel confident in themselves. Safer communication guidelines, with plenty of examples. To all my fellow survivors...keep writing, keep learning, keep making this world a more interpersonally safe place to live. Never give up. You are so strong to have withstood the damaging words used against you, all these years. My brother was verbally beaten by my parents when they could no longer physically hurt him. He had had enough by the age of 32. I miss him all the time. Words matter. They can build & energize, or frighten & devastate. You are not crazy. But you may have been subjected to unrelenting harmful words used against you, by parents who could not control their frustration & took it out on you. Please, I beg you, learn about verbal & relational & emotional & psychological safety. Please never give up. Even when it is hard to get out from under other's hurtful words. This world needs survivors to make it a kinder, safer place to be. You are very much needed and wanted !!!

Sometimes people are just overwhelmed.

Kerri: You are an Inspiration to others.