Відео

Thanks for sharing. I appreciate it.

This is me everyday! I don’t feel loved, I have no family, friends. I have zero self confidence I live in my thoughts on a daily basis. Anxiety eats me a live if it’s social, work, etc I’m always thinking so much I can’t stop. I never feel good enough for myself or my children. I can tell you I came Upon this video trying to find videos of easy ways to kill myself. You know yesterday I was at Vannguard and with an hour left I went to my last locate I went to take left at a green light where another truck was taking a left and I was taking a left we turned left at the same time and a truck behind the truck turning smashed me it happened so quick. This is the second time in a year that I’ve been in a bad wreck and lost my job a job that I love so much, but now I just want to die because I let my family down there isn’t another job I want to do and I see no other way out but hanging myself. Last night I bought a rope off Amazon and I have laid in my bed all day contiplating getting so drunk that I work up the courage of hanging myself. It’s kind of an out of body experience like I want it so bad but I’m hanging onto my wife and kids, but I battle it all back and forth how they would be better without me and I wouldn’t have to deal with the voices in my head or the responsibility of life and bills and expectations living has for me. I know I need help but I don’t want help. I know what I want but don’t know how to do it! I’ve tried to explain this to my wife she just doesn’t understand or care! All she can do is make me feel like shit about losing my job and putting the financial burden on her. I know I’m in an abusive relationship one that my wife is a gaslighter and a narcissist and makes you hate yourself everyday. But I can’t leave I do love her and yes I know I struggle with co dependency issues but I always tell myself she will get better, she will love me more tomorrow. Honestly if my wife left me I wouldn’t have anyone but my kids no brothers, sisters, mom, or dad I just feel like I’m hanging on by a thread and it’s not fare to keep putting the people I love through any of this.

Ive just attempted a few hours ago because I feel useless. I have no job in a new town and I feel useless. I want to be ok but there is no light. I want to be ok.

I wish I lived somewhere that cared. If I killed myself where I live, and I didn't succeed, I'd be so in debt that I'd have to try again.

How are you? I hope you’re doing okay. I’m in the same boat. I just wish I was loved

I am glad you are still alive. I will be praying for you. I just want you to know I love you.

Hope you're doing ok X

Jesus I pray you heal her heart. Let her feel the peace that comes with knowing you. Thank you for her life. Amen. ❤ ♾️

Thankful you are here. God loves you. ❤

That not good try to get help

thank you for talking about a very serious issue.

Eat carnivore diet, forget all plant foods. Maybe you can eat sometimes some fruits. And your psychic problems will be gone. See some carnivore videos.

The mind protects itself

"When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:17-18

I'm glad didn't, I am giving myself two years

Oh my GOSH i wish i went here. But my family is not interested.

We live in England UK. Wish i met you before. As a matter of fact if i could go back i would visit Combodia and other countries and learn a different language. Been to the states USA, Dubai, England, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Hungary,

So cool i was there last year with my family. Room are huge with bathroom. 😊.

Commenting b4 watching video. Women going through pre menopause will feel suicidal , depression, and women using hormone pills . Art has hflped me ALLOT i am greatful for this. 2:21- i was judged SO much because i was happy all the time, i was told i should not be happy all the time.😊

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I really am not happy with myself right now.

i am currently having thoughts of suicide and i feel your pain .. i dont see my situation getting better and i really need someone right now ..

Anyone seeing this can get in touch with me. I don't have any issues Ik it's hard or being real it's not even hard in this mindset people just don't want to share any thing until you meet someone who is just can touch that pin. I may not gonna be that but I can try

If I was not drinking alcohol I was not happy with myself I drink every day I try to killed myself

I tried three times. I am still here. I dont really want to die. I just can't afford to live since I am on disability. I dont think I will be happy living in a vehicle. My mom is crazy so is my sister, I am sad and broke and lonely. So why be here? My dad is abusive but is turning 87 in September and I will be homeless when he dies. Does it get worse? My crazy sister said I tried to kill her as a child. She is hallucinating. MY mom thinks I want to kill her, she is also paranoid. I still love them both. I just dont like my crazy family. Without money to live what reason do I have for being here? NO money, family sucks. Why should I stay?

God bless sweetheart x I'm glad you are here <3 your dad will be proud of you x

No you didn't

Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are helping thousands of others who are struggling

(comment 3 of 3) *REPENT GENUINELY and cry out to Jesus for help and forgiveness.* He hears every word with great love! Just be raw and honest. He knows your heart anyways, but he wants us to use our God-given free will to be REAL with him about our sins and *INVITE Him into relationship with us,* so he can help us overcome our sins/addictions we are in bondage to, and from everything that has gone wrong in our hearts that is seperating us from him! Jesus said this: *John 17:20-23* “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one- I in them and you in me-so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.” Notice how he repeats about us all “being one,“ and him being in us and us in him! *He loves us,* and *desires* to have a relationship with us! But our willful, unrepentent sinning is what stops that relationship from occurring. God sent his Son (Jesus) to suffer and die for our sins because he KNOWS that evil is far too powerful to overcome on our own. We need HIS enabling power (grace) to do it! When God first created angels, he created them with free will (because if you love someone, you don’t hold them prisoner - you give them the freedom and ability to CHOOSE). Satan was the first to rebel against God because he wanted to BE God. But no one can be greater than their own Creator. When God created humans, he also gave us free will. But the first human, by the influence of Satan, chose freely/willfully to disobey God, and sin entered the world for the first time. Sin is influenced by the devil, and committed when people *FREELY* choose to commit it. God cannot have anything to do with evil/sin - the punishment of sin is *spiritual death.* That’s why, in his unfathomable love, God sent Jesus to die for our sins, that we may ACTIVELY enter into a relationship with him and be sanctified (set free of habitual sin) over the course of our lives. *John 3:16-17* “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to SAVE the world through him.” This made it possible for him to send his Spirit to dwell INSIDE us, so we can actively engage in a relationship with him - through Jesus Christ - who helps us, by His *enabling grace,* to overcome our sins. Sounds too crazy? *Go back and read again what he did to me!* More importantly, *FIND OUT FOR YOURSELF* - *this personal relationship with the Lord is available to ALL people who invite Him into their hearts!* Please be aware that WHAT the Lord does for you and WHEN he does it upon your first believing in him differs amongst everyone. TRUST him with that and continue to seek him! It is very common to be delivered (completely healed and set free) of some major sins quickly but he does not always do so, for various reasons: sometimes it is because people do not pursue him seriously or do it with wrong motives; they are not willing to give up their whole heart and will to him in trust; they give up after a short period of time; they don’t believe in God’s power to heal/set free; or they go running to other people for answers (which can easily lead to deception), and so many other reasons. But also it is simply because GOD KNOWS exactly what each person needs and when we need it. If he doesn’t come to you right away, that DOES NOT mean he loves you less, shows partiality to others, or that there is no hope for you. God loves ALL of us equally and has NO partiality. The goal is to GENUINELY want to GET YOUR HEART RIGHT with God and to KNOW HIM. Pursue him humbly and patiently with that attitude, and he will show himself to you. *Believing in Jesus is not something that should be selfishly tried in order to get something out of it for yourself.* Just honestly examine your motives. Throughout the entire bible God says how he “sees and examines” the MOTIVES of our hearts.* TRUST HIM, and you will be changed in wonderful ways that you won’t even see coming! ❤️ *Ezekiel 36:26-27* 26 “I will give you a NEW HEART new heart and put a NEW SPIRIT in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. 27 And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.” ******TWO MAJOR WARNINGS: 1. *Following Jesus is NOT about joining a denomination* (Catholicism, Baptist, Lutheran, etc.), as none of these denominations existed when Jesus was on earth when the early church was being formed. To the undiscerning eye, denominations may SEEM like they are of God, but they are all made up of false madmade traditions/teachings that have been ADDED to certain aspects of God’s real truth. Some of these denominations CLAIM that they were the “one true early church,” but they are not, no matter what their doctrine/apologetics say about it. 2. *Following Jesus is also NOT about joining a non-denominational “Christian” church,* as the majority of the modern “Christian” churches teach false things that go against the teachings of Jesus Christ, while trying to pass them off as “the truth.” As with denominations, modern “Christianity“ is almost entirely made up of false manmade traditions/teachings based on human opinions/justifications and scriptures that have been twisted and passed off as God’s “real truth.” There are many wonderful, warm people in the churches today! And there are many actual biblical truths taught there.....but more dangerously are the many FALSE TEACHINGS - the distorted and made up doctrines of men - tucked in between those truths. *We need God’s discernment, given to us by his Holy Spirit, in order to detect false from true.* Not all Christian church gatherings are corrupt - but a true spirit-filled church gathering that preaches the *whole, undistorted* truth and genuinely seeks and follows Jesus is extremely rare these days. *That’s why it is VITAL to form a living, breathing relationship with the LIVING GOD, through whom you will gain discernment between what is true and what is false.* There is only ONE TRUTH, and only God can teach it to us, if we truly seek him with all our hearts. *IF YOU DO NOT PERSONALLY AND PERSISTANTLY SEEK A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LORD YOURSELF (AS THE BIBLE DIRECTS AND ENCOURAGES US TO DO) THEN YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF TO BE LACKING A REAL AND TRUE RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM. RUNNING CONSTANTLY TO OTHER PEOPLE FOR ANSWERS ABOUT GOD >BEFORE< GOING TO THE LORD TO LEARN CAN BE DANGEROUS TO YOU SPIRITUALLY IF YOU ARE A NEW BELIEVER AND STILL LACK DISCERNMENT FROM GOD.* A biblical example of this: *1 John 2:24-27* 24 “As for you, see that what you have heard from the beginning remains in you. If it does, you also will remain in the Son and in the Father. 25 And this is what he promised us-eternal life. 26 *I am writing these things to you about those who are trying to lead you astray.* 27 As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, *and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as HIS anointing teaches you about ALL things* and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit-just as it has taught you, remain in him.” *This does not mean “never listen to what anyone else teaches about God.”* Take note that the bible also says this: *Hebrews 13:7* 7 “Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the OUTCOME of their way of life and imitate their faith.” ‘The outcome of their way of life’ means the FRUIT of their lives: decreasing sin and increasing holiness, according to what Jesus preached. Are they being *OBEDIENT through FAITH* to the commands of Jesus and therefore the fruits of the Holy Spirit (see Galatians 5:22) are *genuinely* being displayed in them? Are they walking and growing in genuine *holiness?* Or do they have ROTTEN FRUIT (swearing, judging, hypocrisy, meanness, coldness, forcing beliefs, cheating, manipulating, porn addictions, loving money, etc.) *God himself will give you discernment as to who his true diciples here are once his SPIRIT is in you,* and will bring them into your life to minister to you if you persist in having faith. These true disciples can make you AWARE of God’s truths, but only God can truly teach you once he sends you the Holy Spirit. *He is never lacking in power to give you understanding, if you seek him HUMBLY, PATIENTLY and PERSISTENTLY in FAITH!* *****If you really want to seek Jesus, reach out and PRAY to him, REPENT genuinely of your sins and turn away from them, tell him everything that’s on your mind and in your heart, and don’t let anything stop you! Ask him if he’s real! Ask him to show himself to you! Be patient. Read the bible, especially the New Testament (the gospel of John, which is the 4th book from the front, is a wonderful place to start). DON’T FRET about what you don’t understand yet - Jesus will open your understanding over time if you genuinely and persistently seek him.***** If you’re interested, my 45-minute video version of this testimony is on my UA-cam channel. Peace and God bless ❤️🙏🏻

(comment 2 of 3) In the last week of November 2014, these ‘attacks’ got so frequent and increased in severity that I could no longer function. I started forcing myself to stay awake, the fear was so acute. During this time, it was brought to my attention to call on the name of Jesus during one of these attacks. Of course, when I heard this, I immediately got VERY angry and exasperated and starting cursing alot. But, I was so DESPERATE. I couldn’t work, I couldn’t think straight or do anything normally! I was in my rational right mind, but yet I knew what was happening to me was real, however crazy it seemed. The third night, I couldn’t stay awake anymore. It was the middle of the night and I fell asleep. I had another attack, only this time I actually DID call out, in my mind, “Jesus save me!” All it took was saying it quickly a couple times, and immediately - *I WOKE UP. After COUNTLESS times over DECADES of me choking, not breathing and not being able to wake myself up.* After I woke up, I was terrified because it happened, but in absolute SHOCK that I woke up!! I stayed awake for as long as I could, but this time I could FEEL that evil ‘thing’ in the room, and I KNEW it was waiting for me. I just knew it. The last time I remember looking at the clock, it was 5:00 am. I fell asleep, and had another attack. This one was vastly different than every other attack I had had before. This time, I was completely aware of my surroundings - awake, but unable to move, and because of what was starting to happen to me during the attack, I KNEW in my bones that these “things” were trying to keep me down and put me in my place *because I had called on the name of Jesus.* In this worst attack, in that moment where I was being pushed down, I said “Jesus save me” - and I woke up. And it was 5:20 am, only 20 minutes after i had fallen asleep, knowing that that “thing” was waiting for me. I knew then that Jesus and God were real, without a doubt. And PLEASE understand that this is coming from someone that didn’t believe in God, made fun of those kinds of beliefs, NEVER thought about good/evil or spirituality, and was not looking to change (because it NEVER dawned on me that there was any hope of me changing at all!). The day after I woke up from that last demonic attack and knew Jesus was real, *I cried profusely, confessed all the sins I could think of and asked Jesus to help me! I just spoke honestly from my heart, not knowing what the heck else to do!!* *************** *When I did this, the ABSOLUTE, COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED PROOF that Jesus was was real took place within me. PLEASE PAUSE HERE TO KEEP IN MIND that the ONLY thing I had asked Jesus for help with was the demon problem, because I was NOT AWARE that he would or could help me with anything else (I had never heard of such a thing).* *************** *THE FOLLOWING THINGS HAPPENED IN ONLY THE FIRST FEW DAYS* after I began believing in Jesus and repented of my sins, and they are extremely difficult to articulate (please THINK about each of these things as you read them!): -*After that day, my experiences with the demons stopped ABRUPTLY and COMPLETELY for the first time since I was a child.* -*I felt ‘darkness’ and a “heaviness” draining out of me that I was not previously aware was even in me;* I felt changes in my heart that I didn’t understand. -*My depression STOPPED.* I don’t mean slowly decreased, I mean *STOPPED SUDDENLY,* after DECADES of suffering with it. -*My desire to steal suddenly STOPPED.* After 20 YEARS of desiring it/doing it uncontrollably. -*My desire for pornography suddenly STOPPED.* 15 YEARS of excessive porn viewing that I was an absolute prisoner *All of this took place only in the FIRST FEW DAYS after I started believing in Jesus, confessed my sins, and asked Him to help me.* *THE FOLLOWING THINGS HAPPENED IN THE NEXT FEW WEEKS:* - *I experienced a COMPLETE draining of the darkness and “heaviness” I had in me for all those decades.* - *I stopped feeling angry, I didn’t hate anyone anymore! No more loneliness, no more pain or emptiness, no more crying.* All of those horrible things I had felt EVERY DAY for as long as I can remember - unbearable lonliness and anxiety, fear, self-loathing, anger, hatred, depression, inner exhaustion, bitterness, hopelessness, apathy, despair, feeling lost all the time - all these things STOPPED. -*I began to feel a BAFFLING PEACE in me that I had NEVER once felt in my whole miserable life!* The constant anxiety lifted away; I stopped living in fear and had a strong sense of HOPE for the first time in my life. I felt as if a MASSIVE heaviness was lifted from my heart. *I FELT FREE AND LIGHT IN MY HEART.* -*I started loving people!* AND, I started loving people that I once hated!! ****ALL THESE CHANGES HAPPENED SO FAST AND WERE SO OVERWHELMING THAT I DIDN’T KNOW OR RECOGNIZE MYSELF ANYMORE**** It was VERY unsettling because it all happened so fast, was completely unexpected, and was so new and drastically different to anything I had ever felt - but I knew it wasn’t a bad thing, so I just went with it! In the midst of all of this change, it took me 3 MONTHS to even realize that I wasn’t even attracted to women anymore - *and they had made up the majority of my porn addiction for 15 years!* I now saw women normally, *and felt as if I had never even had the attraction in the first place* (the same goes for the depression, stealing and pornography!). For about 4 to 5 MONTHS, I was in this bizarre limbo where I had NO IDEA how to speak or respond to people anymore! I had felt and spoke one way my entire life (with a set of dark negative feelings), and suddenly all of those feelings were GONE and replaced with peace and love and GOOD things I had never felt before. How do I speak?? How do I act?? It took me MONTHS to get to know this “new me” and to relax into it! *PLEASE PLEASE think about this for a minute:* *DECADES* of depression gone immediately. *DECADES of constant, overwhelming anger, hopelessness, hate, fear, thirst gone. *20 YEARS* of compulsive stealing gone immediately. *15 YEARS* of heavy pornography addiction gone immediately. *22 YEARS* of bisexuality, gone immediately. Do you know how many YEARS of therapy and medications people go to for some of these problems??? Do you have any idea how many years of therapy it can take to get rid of even ONE of those problems??? And with NO relapses?! I took NO medications, I had NO therapy, and I’ve had NO relapses whatsoever in any of those areas since November of 2014. In addition to that, I never even had ONE THOUGHT or expectation that I would ever be free of these problems - *I NEVER even considered the stealing, porn and bisexuality as “problems” to begin with!!* I just saw them simply as how I lived my life. Everything that happened to me that day is *impossible* if it’s not God!! I was fully delivered from all these things by Jesus’ love, power and mercy ALONE. That God would stretch out his hand to this sinner - MORE than once - *even after I turned my back on him when he saved me from killing myself* - THAT is the depth of his love and mercy! I would not be here today, period, if he hadn’t done what he did to me. Jesus wasn’t kidding when He said: *Luke 5:31-32* “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” *Matthew 11:28* “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you REST.” Jesus is so real, and He LOVES you! You not believing that won’t change that reality! I mean that with LOVE, not with force! ❤️ *****FOR THOSE WHO TRULY WANT TO SEEK JESUS:* My friend, I plead with you, and to everyone who reads this: ***Ask JESUS if he’s real! Be EXTREMELY careful about what you hear from others about Jesus. There is a lot of deception out there.***- *try talking to Jesus, no matter how ‘wierd’ it feels. Try, and PERSIST in trying, regardless of how you ‘feel.’* Don’t be deterred by the lack of instant gratification, be patient. If you persist with GENUINE intentions, he will 100% show himself to you. Jesus made this PROMISE to all those who seek Him genuinely: *Luke 11:9-13* “9 So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. 11 Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? 12 Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13 If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” Notice that he doesn’t say seek and you ‘MIGHT’ find - he says seek and you *WILL* find ❤️ (continued in comment 3 of 3)

(comment 1 of 3) With all of my heart, I’d like to leave my testimony for you how I came from being atheist my whole life (for decades) with multiple serious, longstanding emotional problems/addictions, to being changed in ways that are *impossible* for people to do to themselves. The full deliverances I experienced shows greatly the power, mercy and compassion of Jesus Christ!! It is a testimony of HOPE. ❤️ You can take it, or leave it, of course. I am not here to fight with anyone, or force my experiences on anyone. My apologies for the length, I’ll have to leave it in 3 separate comments. *MY TESTIMONY:* *Jeremiah 6:16* 16 “This is what the Lord says: “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.” As a young child, I grew up with problems at home. My mother was emotionally abusive and my father did nothing about it. I was shy, but it was also at this young age that I remember having my first feelings of loneliness and alienation - a sort of separateness or disconnect - from others. As I grew, I had trouble making friends. I didn’t really try and just got more and more quiet. When I did have other kids to play with, I remember always feeling completely detached from them, almost as if they weren’t even real. Going up into my early teens, as my mother’s mental health problems and emotional abusiveness worsened, I became increasingly antisocial and suffered from regular bouts of depression and terrible lonliness. My trust being constantly betrayed at home, I trusted no one, and so I told no one about my problems. *It all stayed inside.* I remember going to church for a few years, but if a child has parents who say they believe in God, but then they act in a way that’s completely hypocritical to what Jesus teaches, it can completely distort the child’s view of God. The child will either believe God exists but that he hates them, or they just won’t believe in him at all. I retained nothing of what was taught in church because, since I was intensly lonely and constantly afraid of my mom, I lived in my mind all day as an escape and never paid attention to anything else. Because of my mother’s words and influence, I thought I was ugly, was fat, and that no one would ever love me, among many other things. It was also at this age that I started getting involved sexually with girls. By my mid-teens, I was frequently depressed and cried regularly. I was resentful and angry most of the time. I also developed a compulsive stealing addiction. I stole regularly and excessively from department stores, from my jobs - even from my own family. By my late teens, the depression was absolutely *crippling.* I was depressed more often than I wasn’t, I cried alot. The slightest wrong look from someone, or something said to me in the wrong tone of voice would send me spiraling down into a deeply miserable and disturbing episode of depression that could last for days, or weeks. Sometimes it was so bad, I couldn’t even pick myself up off the floor - and I mean, the actual floor. I would just lay there, numb, and couldn’t move. When I wasn’t working (IF I was even had a job at all), I would isolate myself. I was angry all the time and hated everyone. I felt completely empty inside and would try to fill that void with various impulses like sex, stealing and excessive movie-watching. I pretty much never had any friends, and never told one person about my problems. *I felt like an alien in a world full of normal people.* This caused an intense and constant feeling of separateness and alienation from everyone around me. I literally felt I was not a part of the human race, and that I was the most abnormal freak on the planet, and I thought that everyone else thought this about me too. This was also the age where I actively decided that I didn’t believe in God. But I never really believed anyway, and never even thought about it, so that was an easy decision for me. After that, I never contemplated on the existence of good and evil - it just simply wasn’t on my radar at all. I was so consumed every day with my own problems and growing addictions that I didn’t think or care about anything else except finding things that made me “feel good,” such as sex and stealing, movies, looking hot, indulging in fantasies, etc. In my early twenties, I developed a pornography addiction. It was also at this time that I had my first thoughts of suicide. The rest of my twenties is lost in a haze of alcoholism. I have virtually no memories for almost that whole decade of my life. To this day, it is extremely unsettling for me to try and remember anything from that time period, as I am unable to bring up any clear memories whatsoever. I can see certain images of places and people (almost like glancing quickly at a single picture), but I can’t remember details or timelines surrounding almost all of it. Skip ahead to almost a decade later. When I was 28 years old, I very nearly killed myself. I was in the darkest mental state of my life, and it had taken years to build up to this point. I had my suicide all planned out in detail, with notes written to my parents and everything. I knew it’s what I wanted to do. I couldn’t handle anything anymore. The CONSTANT intense pain, fear, emptiness and hopelessness was too unbearable after years and years of carrying it around every single day. That day, I was just waiting for a car I was going to borrow to come back to where I was. While I was waiting, someone I absolutely hated came up to me, touched me and bowed her head to pray. *In that moment, I was shocked to feel every last bit of desire to kill myself leave my body. The transformation was *so rapid and so complete,* that I ACTUALLY had the thought “Did God do that to me??”* But, me being an adament atheist who made fun of those kinds of beliefs, I brushed it off and moved on. *I also need to mention that not even two minutes after she said that prayer and the desire to die completely left me, the car I was waiting for returned.* You have to understand how shocking and insane that rapid “draining” moment was for me. As a total, adamant atheist, and given the severity of my mental state at that time, what happened to me in that moment was impossible for any human being to do to themselves; but it was also impossible for me to explain at the time. Despite having that extremely unexpected and powerful experience, I picked up where I left off and just continued in the same ways I had always done. In my early thirties, I became a darker and darker person (inside and out). I started wearing black everything all the time. My depression was constant and crippling, I suffered from *so much* intense loneliness, anger, hatred, fear, panic, alienation, emptiness. My stealing addiction was out of control. My pornography addiction was WAY out of control - and I mean like, multiple times a day, every day, at home, at work, wherever. Both of these addictions had now advanced far beyond the “pleasures and highs” they had provided at the beginning, to where I now felt CONTROLLED by them. I needed them desperately, otherwise I couldn’t function. Besides alcohol, I never got into doing drugs - but the emotional/psychological addictions I had to sex, stealing and pornography were similar to (and oftentimes FAR more excessive and powerful) than any addiction to a recreational drug can be. Addiction comes in many froms, and all of them are incredibly destructive to the heart and soul EVEN if they are socially acceptable (such as porn or sex). The thirst for what we are addicted to is absolutely insatiable, and we end up trying to quench that thirst with the very thing that is CAUSING that thirst to begin with! It is an endless cycle that NEVER truly fulfills and brings peace, and always leaves us thirsting for more. Before I talk about November of 2014, I need to briefly backtrack. Since I was very young, I had experiences at night that I used to refer to as “nightmares.” These got worse the older I got. They were so horrifying and I could never ever wake myself up from them. I only remember choking and not breathing when they would happen. It was a kind of inexpressible terror that I can’t put into words. In 2014, these “nightmares” were at their worst. They were happening regularly, and were far more acute. I began to realize that I was not actually asleep, but awake during them - and not able to move or break myself free of them. During these experiences, I would feel a sickeningly horrifying evil presence approaching me, threatening me. *The terror I felt was beyond anything I had ever felt in this world.* When they were near me, I had an unexplainable ‘knowing’ that THIS was the source that makes people do all the horrible things we do to each other. All the sick ways that people torture other people, all the worst things that we’ve heard about in the news that we can’t fathom - this was the source. Again, it was an INNER KNOWING I had *in the moment* of the “nightmare,” and was not a logical conclusion that I came to after the fact. In the few weeks before November 2014, these experiences I was having were so bad that I began seeing these ’things’ while it was happening. They were very tall - like 7 or 8 feet, very black, and I knew through and through that they were REAL and EVIL. *Except, I was an atheist, and didn’t believe in God or in evil.* (continued in comment 2 of 3)

I feel so bad, I just want this pain to stop… I never did anything to anybody. Why me. Why I cannot be happy. That’s the only thing I’m asking for. To be happy…

You didn't try to kill yourself. If you did you'd be dead. Stupid video

You should have done it lol annoying attention addict

I choose death over life any day, there's no reason to keep trying.

I’m sorry about your dad . I had close loving friends die on me around my cancer diagnosis and things just seem worse and worse . I wish my life was not so hard , I wish I was just happy inside or wasn’t disabled ! I also have no voice since my cancer surgeries , so Iv lost so much it feels like my whole life’s lost done gone already

I’m struggling ..I was diagnosed with a rare cancer 2.5 years ago stage four thymoma cancer. I lost my left lung a year into my diagnosis . The past 4 weeks Iv been doing radiation treatments on my chest and back where the cancer is spreading . It’s already on my heart now . I had ribs removed three open chest surgeries .. the about of physical pain I deal with every moment of the day is extreme. I’m tired !!! Life is so hard I’m getting tired from the struggle with pain . I lost a girlfriend after my diagnosis too / she left me cause I was angry and being mad at the world treated her badly . I went through so much and now I sit here alone day after day it seems pointless

i dont rc

Drc

I feel like you empty lifeless bought pills and going to be dead dead dead thanks for sharing dead is all there is

Damn. Not at all surprised you attempted that is a heartbreaking upbringing…❤️‍🩹

#mylifeisshit #lifesuckssuicide #Godkillmenow

Srry

Stay strong

Look at how pretty you are and amazing personality.

I'm happy you are still alive and helping others.

I like to suisute

You want to know something crazy.... Last year... the EXACT time you put this video out.... August 20, 2021..... My ex "wife" hung herself. She was dead on the rope, but I was able to bringer back via CPR. she spent the next 3 days in the ICU in a coma. She got better but through drama she ended up leaving me and taking my 3 kids with her. I lost my job from all of this, became a felon. The god damn police took my guns..... and I woke up and all I can do is cry. I am trying to figure the best way to kill myself. I'm a 31 year old man. I have removed myself from being around my ex... She's already dating someone new.... but she's happy. I'm glad for that.... I just want to go on a walk and find a tree and just fucking hang myself. I don't want to do it in my home so nobody finds me like i found my wife........ I literally don't think I'm going to make it,,, Ive been to too many psych hospitals. its not helping....the pills. the therapy.. the meetings.... the fucking abandonment by my family. i put my life into supporting our family and if I kill myself today, my oldest is 4.... she can erase the memory of me and she won't remember all the sacrifices I made to keep our home afloat. Im the world to my 3 year old. and my son is barely getting to know me. I can tell he knows my voice. I missed his birth because my wifes parents didn't want me in the delivery room. So I have to be supervised to see them...so I have to be supervised so the only time I see them is if I go to their day care. Im not abusive... Im pretty sure the rest of my day is going to be dedicated to drafting my letter... Im glad she lived that day, but I died. I'm Fucked up in the head now and have major ptsd.... And get this... August 20, 2022 my ex sent me a text saying happy anniversary.... Fuck.. I was a bad alcoholic for 17 years. I started young. I quit drinking July 8 2020 during the pandemic.my ex and myself were together for 10 years. I feel like such a fuck up... Nobody will really even care when Im gone.... Yeah my immediate family might miss me. but that will last anywhere from a week to a month until they can just resume regular life without me. I don't want to be here anymore. Im happy you made it out on the other side and was able to successfully find yourself again, put yourself fist and by happy. I don't think my outcome will be the same... I hate myself and the mental image of myself makes my skin crawl,. </3 its just a weird fucking coincidence that the day you were uploading this video was the exact day i was pulling my wife out of a rope and having EMTs take her to the hospital. . . They did even know what her mental capabilities would be if she did come out of the coma... I sat next to her all day holding her hand, stroking her forearm and whispering to her ear telling her that everything was going to be okay and I was there with her and I wasn't going to leave her alone. The doctors told me to give up she couldn't hear me. But on my grandmas grave and on my life she was trying to hold my hand when I would let go... This whole fucking thing is just fucked up... This is all just probably payback for all the devilish shit I have done throughout my life... I don't want to live. I want to fucking kill myself... and I'm pretty sure Im going to go through with it. i don't want to live.................

Wish I could email you or connect on social media.. would love a friend to share experiences and stories with.. Cheers

Very good! Hope your channel grows, then you'll be a full time youtuber and no need to do anything else! Bless you!!!