Відео

Mic drop! 👏 👏

This is a topic I talk with my female relatives because I told my relatives, "When I think of Sunisa Lee, she doesn't fit the bill of someone I would think who would marry a Hmong guy, and live the rest of her life in a traditional Hmong lifestyle." My female relatives would agree with me because even I wouldn't want any of my female relatives or my own sister to be held down by old tradition. I do believe Sunisa is a good role model for young Hmong girls to follow as well as having a family who is supportive in whatever decision the girl makes. Of course we also shouldn't hold back anyone from pursuing their own dreams. This also leads into the topic: "What would Hmong people think of Sunisa marrying a non-Hmong guy?" I personally think she do whatever and marry whoever she wants because it's her life. My female relatives agree since they all told me Sunisa in our Hmong community is at royalty status (best way they put it to me) while some aren't too sure.

Honestly, I prefer to not have the conversation with a handful of specific men in my family because they can be violent. I would have a conversation with my brothers during another time, but I would never address sexism with Uncles or my Dad and Grandpa.

That battery needs changed lol

I didn't have a Hmong Wedding at all. My extended Hmong family didn't legitimize my legal marriage, but I don't really care about what they think. My non-Hmong husband and I have been married for over 10 years now. We married via court and are happier than having an expensive American or Hmong wedding.

I'm Hmong, and I'd prefer to elope or have a small, intimate wedding with my closest loved ones. After attending numerous Hmong weddings, I've realized that traditional ceremonies aren't for me. Some have called me heartless and selfish for wanting a non-traditional wedding and for not inviting relatives, but it’s what feels right for me.

Mic drop @19:21 👏 👏 👏

imo this guy sounds like he wants someone who's humble, housewife, homemaker material although he's chasing materialistic girls. you simply can't force a hustler to be a homemaker and vise versa. you can tell a lot by how people put themselves out there. pay attention and you'll find your girl. definitely work on yourself first. a good girl deserves someone with a better attitude.

Dating sucked really bad for me growing up (Yes, I am Hmong and I did comment in your Ep 6 video), but it didn't help that I grew up in a state/area with little to no Asian people. The Asian stereotypes and etc was a real factor along with social circles with the women I asked out for a date (mostly Latino, white, and black. Very few Asians but those girls didn't want to date me, especially the Chinese who lived in the wealthy part of town). I did understand quickly about the social circles should any of the girls date me (like i mentioned, Asian stereotypes plays a part), but I don't hold anything against them for rejecting me. I also understand the social pressure men do get should a guy not make X amount of income per year, look a certain way, and etc. I believe its a misconception of judging a book by its cover without opening the book to read what the book is about. Yes, this also applies to women as well. I still find it wild how both men and women would reject someone without knowing them other than doing a quick scan up and down before they accept or reject them. I will say demanding anything out of someone is an unfair thing to do because the demands could be unrealistic. As I commented in your Ep. 6 video. I am dating a Korean girl from Korea. Even she found it wild how I dress despite how much I make a year (I am learning Korean fashion and it's been fun learning about it with her). It's also been a learning curve for us both because of our different backgrounds and understanding of culture/language. She definitely has little to nothing in common with my hobbies, but her character is what makes her beautiful to me. Even I understand the Korean social pressures she's going through before and after she told me.

I'm late to the party, but having grown up out of the Hmong community and culture (I grew up in a state with little to no Hmong people in the Midwest). I do remember my mom, dad, and grandma telling my siblings and me about life in Laos and Hmong culture/medicine. My family eventually went to church (we never practiced traditional things. I also can't read or write in Hmong, let alone speak/understand a lot of the Hmong language even though I'm still learning). It was quite the reality check for me with my Hmong church after my dad took my mom's life when the elderly power bombed me with their way of thinking and Hmong responsibilities (given that I didn't know jack). Lots of heated words and things were said and done which made me hate my Hmong church because it broke my heart given how we're Christians, but didn't keep the Christian values when all that stuff went down (I did develop a bad angry vengeful persona that took over a decade to get rid of). Even when I attended a bible college with Hmong students, there was a real difference in way of thinking. I don't keep in touch with the majority of the Hmong students I met till this day. Having moved to Minnesota it's been quite an interesting experience listening and asking Hmong guys and girls about growing up in a traditional upbringing and etc. Of course, I find it interesting as to listen to other Hmong people's perspective since I'm putting myself out there to learn as well as throw my two cents with how I view things. But I understand why many Hmong guys and girls that grew up within the Hmong community whether it be traditional or non-traditional stay near a Hmong community since that's what they're comfortable with. Whereas I have no problem living outside of the Hmong community (I still do despite living in Minnesota for almost 2 years) and being that random Asian ethnicity people have little to no idea. As far as dating and marrying a Hmong girl? I know won't go down this route having gone through what I went through (Even Hmong Christians that are our age do have heated exchanges with their parents because most parents want them to marry someone who is Hmong), but Hmong guys and girls must understand we are Americans given that we were born here in the US even though we're Hmong due to our ethnicity, and we must live our lives according to what we believe is best for us. Even if it goes against the wishes of our parents, but even our parents/elders need to have an open mind/understanding that what they know or understand growing up/living in Laos has a fine line as to what you can apply here in the US. Life here in the US is different from Laos, and our parents/elderly understand this imho. I am dating a Korean girl (she lives in Korea) and she is Christian but comes from a traditional upbringing. She has told me she finds it nice to speak her mind with me because she gets to express whatever she feels or what's on her mind so I understand where she's coming from like you girls mentioned in this episode. As for my final thoughts. Whenever I do visit relatives from my mom's or dad's side of the family. They all have accepted the fact how my siblings and I have grown up outside of the Hmong community and culture (Also doesn't help Hmong people will remind/remember all the bad/negatives things you do, but I take it as an advantage as to where I draw the line in the sand on certain topics/things). I also do not give into the demands of my Hmong elderly because of my mom's and dad's troubled past along with my own (depending who they are and if they have been a part of my life like my grandma's sisters). It's something I do put my foot down and let it be known because I refuse to be disrespected by the grandpas and uncles (I have gotten into a few heated exchanges with them while living here in Minnesota, but I do get under their skin when I demand a clear answer to my questions whenever the topics of my parents are brought up). But yeah, I do believe you should and must standup for yourself when family are being disrespectful to you. Sorry for the long post. Too much to share without going into details.

I think what we don’t talk about enough is that being traditional means having traditional mindsets and practices that supports the patriarchy and not Hmong Women. It’s so difficult living in a traditional household and community where we continue to suppress Hmong Women and not hold Hmong men and the patriarchy accountable for their actions. I honestly don’t know if there’s a middle ground for me or if it’s even possible. To me it’s either I’m traditional or I’m progressive and modern. I think this challenge comes from being a millennial because as we still want to hold onto what’s comfortable , we know that it no longer serves us. I hope that future generations are able to adapt and find better ways to compromise between the two worlds .

Yesss. It's important to know what you want in a relationship. You can't just say, "Well I want a kind, caring, and thoughtful person" that will allow anyone to come in your life because anyone can be kind and caring. You have to be specific and dive deep into what you value and that will attract people who you'll be compatible with. If you're settling for less then you don't respect yourself. It's not a 'game' if you lay all your cards out. Just communicate your intentions that way there are no confusions and heartbreaks.

The reason dating is so hard is because of indoctrination. Take it from a person born in 1965. You see a lot of us back then had a similar belief and value system so to speak. We loved each other more than we loved ourselves. It was others first and you were last. Basically we were taught to show genuine love and it flowed amongst almost all of us. So, life was easier more enjoyable that meant relationships also, whether friendships or marriages. When you have a me too, a me first, my life, my career, my work, my happiness over everyone else society, tell me where is love in all of that? It's nowhere. While you should be thinking about putting the person you say you have love for first, you are worrying about they should put you first and you shouldn't have to do much for the other person in the relationship.if you have to do much then you quit give up say it was too hard and unfulfilling. My mom called people like that lazy lovers. To lazy to make their relationship work so they prefer to run.Look at what I said how it was at the beginning of this. Love has little to do with how someone makes you feel. It's doing the right thing for a better outcome although it may not benefit you. Example: Will you take you kids to the circus although you may not like the circus yourself? Yes you would. Although you get no joy out of it but love compelled you to do the right thing that would bring your kids joy. Although you do not like the circus you recieved joy from your childerns happiness. Yes, their happiness brought you happiness.. I think the real problem today young ladies is that this society of today have been misled, brainwashed into thinking that love is a fantasy, romance concept when love really have nothing to do with that. Love is a power, a force that makes you do what's right on the behalf of others or a situation like an agreement or commitment even if it doesn't benefit you at present in order to bring about a better result in the future.

Yes, the toxic feminity and double standards are absurd and never recognized because this culture, Hmong and American, are actually female dicated

interesting but the smoke detector in the background, LOL

So from listening the first 10 mins, this podcasts is saying their target audience is for Hmong women only. That's cool. Lol.

different generation and different way of dating. this is not new since other race are going through this is as well.

You’re not a FOB because your English is too good. You can’t qualify, sorry.

some people should not date or have kids . Less tragedy.

😆😆 ladies, can yall please fix the battery in your smoke detector. Lbs the noise is very distracting and annoying.

Sorry can u ladies pls stop curzz 🙏 🙏

It was hard listening to the video because I have a different opinion and depend on how old you are and to really have a different view. I want to share that evolutionary men have been men, they have been manly. They have been the protector. Provider. Leader. The one who bring food to the table. While women have been women, they have been the caretaker. Nurturing. Follower. It is now in America and some country that women want to become independent and “need” no man to complete them. Anyways, as you grow older, you need to understand and know what your pattern of behaviors are in a relationship to see why you’re not able to find a relationship. Or why some women are not attracted or men are not attractive to you. Women are asking too much. They’re being unrealistic. They always ask what do the men bring to the table, but what do they bring to the table and some will say themselves which is not the correct answer. Some men are being unrealistic about what they want more than women too. They will be overweight and want a supermodel. And ofc, vice versa for women. But generally speaking, men are more delusional than women. I’m not bashing, it is a factual I like a real man. A man who can lead. Who can make decision. Who provides. Who protects. And kind. Humbled. Loving. Etc… I like being a woman, I like being the caretaker of my man. Of his children. some country some women are the leaders and the men do as their wife’s says. Very few countries around the world practices that.

Found your channel and I’m enjoying the episodes. Ofc Men are always wanting to take up Women spaces and voices and they always want to make it about them. You ladies did not need to answer his question as your target audience are Hmong women . Anyway I admire you all I’m excited to see how this podcast grows!

I cannot lie to myself. My way of thinking is: if I can’t be honest with myself, why should I expect others to be honest to me? I SHOULD be the first person to love myself enough to be honest to myself and if I can’t do that then I can’t expect anyone else to be honest with me or love me. That being said. I know exactly what I want/need in my significant other. If I don’t see what I want/need in another person, I will not force myself to go along with them. Wants and needs are different and I personally need a certain level of both in a person before I actively pursue them. I can’t tell what that level of wants and needs one should require, that’s different for everyone but I know what my levels are and it’s hard to explain them because it changes depending on the person it’s being applied on (because, you know, everyone’s different). That’s why it’s so important to be honest with yourself because yourself is going to be your best guide in finding the best people for you, not just romantically but in every aspect of your life. If I’m ever unsure of what I want, personally, this is what I do: I ask myself “Is this something I’m willing to take a risk on? Can I accept whatever the outcome is?” If yes, I’ll go along with it but I can’t and won’t be mad if things don’t work out. If no, then I simply do not move forward with this person. I don’t know about you guys but when it comes to doing chores, when I’m in the mood to do some dishes or clean the house and is planning on doing then but then my mom or someone comes and tell me to do something I was already planning to do, it completely ruins my mood and makes me not want to do them anymore. Same thing when I make mistakes. I much rather listen to myself lecture myself than let others do it for me. By being honest with myself, I’ll let myself know when I’m in the wrong. To me, this is an easier pill to swallow. It’s much harder to admit wrong when someone else points out your mistakes. So, always be honest with yourself whether you’re right or wrong, whether you like something or don’t. When i correct my own mistakes I grow so much more as a person. You’re only doing yourself a good service when you’re honest to yourself. Sure I’m in denial sometimes and don’t want to believe I did anything wrong but when I do that I feel like I’m holding my breath and can’t breathe and that’s because I’m withholding the truth. But when I’m truthful, I feel like I can breathe. I live life better when I can breathe. These are just my thoughts that I wanted to share, sorry if it’s long! 😅 Also this is literally called the Hmong Woman Podcast, you’d think people expect it to be hosted by Hmong Woman and not men? If that’s what you look for, you’re looking at the wrong place? Perhaps this reflects on your dating life.

I’ve noticed that many elders, and people in general, tend to stay on the surface when it comes to emotional triggers or significant events. I know my pog and I both have high emotional intelligence, and we’re often told that we ‘think’ too much. But there’s nothing wrong with deeply reflecting on things-there’s usually truth to be found. And if there isn’t, why not bring it to light so the person experiencing those feelings can find resolution?

Nothing wrong with marriage and children? Hmong women just seem to be doing it way too early? I blame the parents and family for allowing it to happen? They need to stop that nonsense!!

Hopefully your partner is your best friend

Did you guys know that back in the day, Hmong men used to love it when Hmong women had fuller calves?

Thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities and your views. 😭 I applaud you ladies for your confidence and voices for sharing this! I definitely struggle with being the "bigger" girl too, and one summer I got really dark, and my mom would constantly point it out. I was always "big boned" and not skinny enough, so I can definitely relate with Emily. I resonated with Emily, feeling bad for the little ol' me who just wanted to feel "pretty". I struggled a lot with missing meals just to feel "smaller" in school, but then I'd binge eat after school. It was such a bad cycle throughout my teenage years. 😕 Now, I love myself. I love food, I love my body, and learning that if clothes don't fit, then it wasn't for me. Clothes are meant to fit you, not the other way around. This has changed me a lot. I've also learned that it's more about my health, and not about the next standard.

The only standard a woman needs to meet, is not be fat. The rest of these "trends" are expectations from other woman. Most men would settle for a garbage can, while woman have extremely high standards.

Ive dated outside hmong girls. I mean outside of asians. It is really no different except they just not asians 😂. My first amwf was in 6th grade and im 36 yrs old now.

If you look carefully at what is "beauty" there is many different markets. Yes preferably the skinny ones are still preferred. Look at movies. The ones like Kim Kardashian there are certain types of guys like. It isnt just because media post it saying its the new hot? No not all like it. As far as guys? The short guys has always been unattractive for media or in people's eyes. Theres groups of females who find kpop idles to be very good looking.

CAP

Here and there, the people are the same, but the laws are different. Passport bros go oversea to take advantage of underage girls or women physically way out of their league. Only, they catch feelings and end up marrying because they think it is true love. Delulu.

Why don't you speak Hmong?❤

Keep recording and posting!!!!

Any woman who has dated outside of her race; redflag. She has to be vetted thoroughly before she can be consider marriage material.

you can look back at history when kings and queen rule the land. there a reason why people dont want interacial relationship base on purity when it come to the child. as far guys going to laos to get a wife. guys are tired of hmong woman being americanized. bottom line what you guys are talking is already been talk between other race. it is nothing new. but for the hmong people it is new.

Maybe insecurity or could be miscommunication/misunderstanding. Forgive them. Don't stop learning. That goes for all languages. It shouldn't feel like a competition. Many times I've been told you're hmong and don't know how to speak hmong by elders. My response is, i was born here and i am a product of my environment. Hmong is not my primary language. I've also spoken to a new nyab in english and was ignored by her because I didn't realize she just came here from laos. Here i thought she was being rude, but she didn't even know i was talking to her or how to respond. I apologized to the nyab in hmong, as best as i could, that I didn't realize that she didnt speak english. Because she looked young, I assumed she spoke english. But you know, i also realize, english may not be their primary language, but they could be expert in speaking hmong or lao or thai, etc. And another nyab from laos asked me for a specific veggie. I said no we dont have that here. Looking back, i should have said, maybe but i dont know how that translate to english. 😅 😂

I just wanna point out learning how to learn yourself is also a tight skill if anything if your parent and you want to neglect your kids that should be the first thing you do. I think people forget that most things need to be taught, including how to teach yourself.

Different generations and different thoughts when it comes to dating. Dating for hmong is involved into more American culture compare previous generation.

Hmmm tell that to the people who do Job Interviews with me 😢

There comes a time when you have to realise that your parents didn't know what the fck they were doing, and only pretended to know what they were doing, when in front of you, growing up as a child...because (1) they did not want you, as a child, to question them to a point that you figured things out correctly all by yourself. That would hurt their self esteem, as adults, on many levels. (2) You parents have trauma stemming right from their own early childhood and mid-late teens, which inevitably affects and effects certain conscious and unconscious behavioural patterns in their adulthood especially where parenting is concerned.(4) Other strange factors, that may be bourn of point (2).

Exactly. There is a time to grow up and think for yourself.

I agree, but sometimes you dont even know your own limitations caused by your upbringing. And even when they are heighlighted to you, you may struggle to work your way out of it.

God created each one of us to complement our spouse and vice versa. Complement, not compete. Pray for grace. Invite God into your relationship. God's timing, his will, and plans are always good. Praying God's healing, restoration, and blessings over everyone. ❤🙏

This is true, but in many cases people find it hard, to let go of integrated memory, cus it is so hard to pick up, if there isn’t someone that helps one see them… And it’s not often people say things that others do, that are errors, cus they want them "under" them. Or they don’t want to start a "fight". It’s is so simple, but its not easy…

I love that you ladies are discussing this topic! I was taught to save and never be in debt so I didn't get into much debt aside from school and a mortgage but I didnt know what else to do. At 27, I got really obsessed with learning about investing and managing my personal finance, thus leading me to tracking every dollar I spend, updating my budget sheets weekly, opening a high yeild savings account, contributing to a Roth IRA and brokerage account. Learning the fundamentals of personal finance has changed my life. Thus, led me to buying my first househack at 29 and feeling pretty financially steady at 32. Note: I'm blessed and grateful to have very supportive parents who allowed me to take personal student loans out from them with no interest.

Love the focus on emotional regulation in this video. I believe we should encourage all people to work on their EQ. 🔥

Great video ladies! Well said.