Adapted from a poem of mine, FIND ME MY MOTHER.
Find Me My Mother
The desert plain that is my soul
Where none before has been save me
This sere heath, this endless wasteland
I’ve wandered here like a lost foal
Wandered so in this whilom lea
Skirring the cold winds and dead sand.
I’ve long left behind the sunlight
To look for the old flare within
But I stand here like a sick mule
A raggedy man in twilight
The twilight of the hope herein
A waif within myself. A fool!
What did I expect to find here?
Where is here? Am I mad? Half mad?
Did I cage myself here? Here where?
I think I’m mad. I feel the tear
I’ve lost this home. I’m a nomad
It’s getting cold… I’m out of air.
I’ll be my crypt. Don’t come digging
But again, who would find me in here?
Tis nigh over… courage brother
The tears, the smell of ash… I’m dying
The wind… my last footprints… O dear!
My mother! Find me my mother!
©P.M Quinns
This poem, *Find Me My Mother*, explores themes of desolation, self-exile, and a yearning for solace. The speaker traverses an internal landscape likened to a barren desert, a metaphor for the emptiness and alienation within their soul. The tone is one of despair and resignation, underscored by vivid imagery of wastelands, twilight, and cold winds that evoke an unrelenting sense of isolation.
The first stanza establishes the soul as an uncharted, desolate terrain, emphasizing the speaker's solitude and existential wandering. In the second stanza, the speaker wrestles with hope, or rather its absence, describing themselves as both physically and emotionally depleted-a “sick mule” and “raggedy man.” The twilight metaphor captures the dimming of hope and vitality, positioning the speaker on the precipice of despair.
The third stanza deepens the speaker’s existential crisis, questioning their sanity and agency. The repetition of “here” reflects a fragmented sense of identity and purpose, as the speaker struggles to locate themselves-physically, mentally, and spiritually. The notion of being "a nomad" intensifies the idea of a life without grounding or belonging.
Finally, the closing stanza descends into finality and yearning. The speaker accepts their fate, referring to themselves as their own crypt-a poignant metaphor for self-imprisonment and death. Yet, a primal cry emerges in their final moments: the plea for their mother. This invocation of maternal comfort serves as a deeply human response to suffering and loss, a longing for connection and unconditional love amidst the speaker’s fading existence.
The poem’s structure and diction reflect its themes-its cyclical, introspective questions mirror the speaker’s existential loop, while its sparse, bleak imagery reinforces the profound loneliness and despair at its core.
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