Відео

Thank you so much Chris for your comment, and well wishing. <3 You as well have a happy holidays, and a great new year 2025! Nothing good or bad happning, not doing anything special, that is still better than anything bad happning at least. Looking back I grew a lot this year, um like character growth, I improved my spelling, grammar, I have gotten a little less shy, I am still super shy, I uploaded 148 holos to my channel already, I grew my subscribers to 34 which for me a little channel is huge that some people did that you know smashed the subscriber button, some of my holos got a lot of views which is pretty cool, I slowly learned more like how to record microphone audio, and edit holos. Was not all good, channels I like are gone, people stopped streaming on here, there were things I wanted to do I found I could not do because I have no PC, and no cellphone. I am still broke, without a job, ah the NEET life a blessing, and a curse. I am probably insane from seggsual frustration which is probably bad, super lonely, and bored. I have grown my hair, and fingernails out long. Please take good care of yourself Chris I care about you a whole lot.

Thanks for the compliment Chris.

Sounded fun Chris, I like climbing too, I remember you told me that story in a stream a while ago, after that I added climbing boulders to my daily exercise routine because of that, I have kept to my daily routine pretty well, no one is perfect, most days I go for a run, some days I completely fall apart I cannot even get out of bed on account of all my traumatic experiences. You know the usual tried, failed to make friends IRL, so seggsually frustrated probably insane at this point, yesterday, and today having really bad anxiety. Terrified about my mortality, experiencing ongoing intense fear, and anxiety. Pretty interesting how people do not want to know the truth, if people really knew certain truths would destroy them, even with experiences I have had people think I am crazy, I do not even want to believe things I have survived are real, which makes being a survivor of extremely terribly terrifying traumatic experiences even more isolating, people cannot relate to things like alien abduction, men in black, precognition, and brain chipping. On a little lighter note the 24th of this month the 5 year anniversary of starting my channel, I have a holo I am uploading tomorrow another racing one, and I am planning a highly edited, like going to do a lot of editing, most I have ever done holo once I get around to doing that as like a challenge to myself to put maximum effort into a holo, like all my holos are gifts, presents, me showing my gratitude, appreciation, thanks to you, also all my subscribers, and viewers. I am being generous with my words, sincerity, and tons of holos. I feel bad I am not doing as much as I want for you, also everyone I care about, I wish I could cook healthy fresh delicious meals, offer comfort, clean, help people to see things more clearly, satisfy all needs, but I cannot, I am broke, likely insane, and I cannot even help myself.

Thank you for your comment Chris. Sounds like a fun memory.

Thank you for your comment Chris, I hope you are well. Not like you or anyone asked me, I decided to post 3 new horror holos because I do not know what else to post that people may actually watch, as much as I enjoy posting stuff I like is cool to see some of my holos get views, likes, and comments.

@VehAhSix have you ever heard of crazy 8888 Locomotive? It was a EMD SD 45-2 Locomotive that the train crew didn't fully engage the break's. And also the Locomotive had several freight cars behind it a few of them had toxic chemicals in them. I think that it would make a good video game based on that real situation. Where you have to get another locomotive to try to stop it before it derails. Would you ever consider paying that type of game?

@@chrisserfass8635 never heard of that I do not really follow the news. I might play a train game if had fun gameplay or something, like I have no budget for videogames right now, I am still broke, and jobless. This videogame I uploaded gameplay of is free so free is like my price range these days unless a game releases I really want to play like really bad, the 2 games I am looking forward to are probably not releasing anytime soon, 2025 is looking to be a bad year for there being any new games I want to play. This game I was playing I uploaded reminded me of Chernobyl also with the broken down Ferris wheel. Unrelated, um I do not have anyone to talk to, I am afraid I might have a serious illness that I cannot get diagnosed or treated, like a fear of mine I have something like cancer or something, or might develop cancer because my mom had cancer, and I will not be able to pay for medical treatment or whatevs.

I took your recommendation listened to the opening pretty good, I like dinosaurs also, and definitely being a Paleontologist is a dream I cannot realize either. I always enjoy Chris lore thank you. What is your favorite dinosaur? Mine is Velociraptor.

@VehAhSix T-Rex also Utah Raptor and Triceratops. And my favorite Prehistory Shark is Megalodon. I also own a few Megalodon fossilized teeth the biggest one is 5.5 inches long and about 1 and half pounds and the smaller one is 3.5 inches long and weighs about 12oz .

@@chrisserfass8635 cool good picks.

I do not think so Chris the racing game mode is pretty recent addition, and I would not be at all surprised if they add those cars eventually.

@VehAhSix Hey Veh Ah Six have you ever heard of the The TV show Munsters from the early 60s? On that TV show the Munsters had a car named the Munster mobile.

@@chrisserfass8635 yes but never seen that show before.

Jumping spiders are super cute, and real smart.

@VehAhSix Are you afraid of spiders? Back about 350 to 200 million years ago when the Earth's atmosphere was had a higher air levels spiders and insects were much larger than they arelarge as a large dog with a diameter of about 5 or 6ft and with dragonflies they grew at the size of 3 to 5 feet long and with a wingspan of 6ft and an ants growing as large as a dollar bill in length. And many other insects got much larger also.

@@chrisserfass8635 yes I am afraid of spiders, I was planning on playing more of this video game but was too scary for me I got too freaked out, and stopped playing.

Sounds really relaxing. Thank you for your comment Chris that was really nice to read. A vacation sounds fun.

Thank you Chris, you aswell. I hope you and yours have a good rest of 2024, and good 2025. I have a pretty good feeling about next year so hopefully is a better year for us both you and I..

@VehAhSix So what did you have to eat for Thanksgiving? Did you have the traditional Thanksgiving meal or something different but just as good as the traditional selection of food choices to eat?

@@chrisserfass8635 fresh lemon water, chicken, cornbread, mashed potatoes with butter, salt and pepper, peas, cottage chese, cranberry sauce, stuffing, and pumpkin pie. Was a lot of work cooking, and cleaning still was nice to kind of celebrate with my dad in that because of me we had an almost traditional meal together. I also cleaned the entire house too, I feel very satisfied and happy to get to do all this for myself, and my dad who I care about a whole lot. I am still deeply suffering from lack of intimate relationship, I feel like I am probably insane from seggsual frustration, no one is perfect right.

@@VehAhSix Of course no one is completely correct or right. But it doesn't mean that you we don't have our best. In what ever we have to do.

@@chrisserfass8635 I just had a bad nightmare, I was talking about having a microchip in my brain, and then someone was after me with a knife. (I edited out the word I am pretty sure I am not supposed to say you can guess by what I just wrote what was trying to do to me with knife.) Brought back traumatic memories from 6 years ago, also little more recently from few years ago, I am bad at remembering exact dates and times. Makes me wish I had someone to talk to, like if I had someone here to talk to I would probably be annoying to share a bed with.

Do you think humans will ever have all Star Trek technology in real life Chris?

@VehAhSix We already have a few of the Star Trek technology for example we have Cellphones that are like the Starfleet commuters also we now have Transparent Aluminum the same thing as what Starships have for windows. We also have 3D printers kinda like the replicators. The US military has developed lasers that are weaker versions of the phasers that mounted on Starships. NASA and other space laboratories have been trying to develop impulse engines similar to what Starfleet ships have also over the next few years NASA and other space laboratories and company's have been working on the mathematics to get a possible warp drive technology to work also artificial gravity so that we could walk around in the our Starships just like what we do on our planet. I have even seen several people who have been working on getting even hand held energy weapons to be fully functioning. Like the type two phaser pistol or phaser Rifle

@@chrisserfass8635 I wonder if teleporters are real, like wormhole technology or something like that.

@VehAhSix Wormholes are mathematically possible However we haven't seen any yet. Transporter technology would require a Super computer and a precise scanner to scan the person and to put together the person back together exactly before and after use of the transporter use. From what I have read about it it's possible but most of the Star Trek level technology is about 100 to 150 years from being real.

@@chrisserfass8635 reminds me of the movie The Fly. Have a good night, and sweet dreams Chris.

Womp womp. Hey Chris, I was wondering if you or your grandma, or uncle are doing anything to celebrate Thanksgiving? I hope you have a good Holidays. In this part of my playthrough I kept trying to get to a door for like 6 minutes I repeatedly got my mouth forced to drink grape soda by Facehugger's ovipositor's, if was real life I would have had my belly inflated with parasite eggs scary. Supposedly there are real aliens that got discovered that are like Facehuggers, I cannot prove anything, I believe aliens are real because of my own experiences, and because I have like intuitive feeling they are real.

@VehAhSix For Thanksgiving day probably will be just a regular guy for us. But enough with me. So Veh Ah Six so is your Thanksgiving School break starting? Hopefully for your Thanksgiving break won't have any snow related issues. So how has the weather been like in your area? They say that were I am at we will probably get about a little over a inch of snow some time this Saturday.

@@chrisserfass8635 I am not doing anything special, my dad does not celebrate holidays or bithdays. As for the weather definitely getting colder, I have not been paying that much attention to the weather report. Well I am very thankful to get to read all your comments, and reply. Thank you Chris.

Predator is one of my favorite movies, I like all the Predator movies except the last two. They do have very cool technology.

​@@VehAhSix The Yautja home world is a rather hot climate planet. About 10 to 15 degrees warmer than what earth is now. And it's a slightly higher gravity around 5 to 8 percent than what this planet has. That is why the Yautja has a lot more stronger body than what the best humans have. Also the primary diet of the Yautja is meat. They only need to eat about once every three days.

@@chrisserfass8635 interesting, oh yeah if you have not seen all the Predator movies besides the last two I recommend them, I even like the two Alien Versus Predator movies..

Yeah that would be nice, that is probably asking too much though Chris. Seems like most people keep to themselves on YT. I am guessing I am not too liked on here, or like not that popular, probably my own fault for not making good enough content, and/or not having a good personality or whatevs.

@VehAhSix At the end of this game were the guy got his arm cut off by the chainsaw. That would be a very scary situation to be in. Especially in real life. I have operated a few chainsaws the largest one that I have ever used was a 28 inch long blade. Chainsaws are quite dangerous you really need to keep your mind with how your using it. Or else bad things can easily happen. However the largest chainsaws the Blade can be up to 6 feet in length. However those require two men to operate.

@@chrisserfass8635 in real life you would bleed out in minutes most likely, pretty scary.

Thank you Chris. Yeah 30 subscribers I am getting big, but I will not let that go to my head. I was pretty sure you might like the Katana.

Yeah almost to the big 3 oh pretty exciting to see people subscribing, maybe a sign some viewers want to find my content again in the future or something. Thank you for all your comments Chris I really appreciate you I am grateful for all your words, and encouragement. Everyone has been really nice in my comments.

Yes Chris, I played Ace Combat 4 Shattered Skies is a really fun game, there is a really good song from that game called Megalith Agnus Dei.

@VehAhSix I have a fascination with large powerful artillery guns. The most powerful German artillery piece in WWI was the Paris Gun with a maximum shooting range of 75 to 78 miles. The reason why they called it the Paris gun is the Germans used it to hit the city of Paris France well behind in German lines. They only built 3 to 4 of them.

@@chrisserfass8635 yeah reminds me of the one Shinra used in FF7 to fight Weapon.

I do not really want to spoil the games really, so a short description is if you know about marauders from World of Darkness Doom guy is basically one of those, insanely overpowered, fights demons, is kind of like a space marine, there is a whole lore now about Doom guy, pretty much over the top gore, action, horror, sci-fi, and FPS. Doom is one of my favorite games, Doom Eternal is the sequel, and is pretty good also. I like both games.

@VehAhSix Ok I just wanted to know.

@@chrisserfass8635 you are fine Chris, I do not like to spoil stuff for people, I tried to give a pretty good synopsis.

Thank you Chris, yeah I have been playing around with editing my holos sometimes lately, I am glad you thought I did a good job. I definitely keep an eye on those channels, I really do genuinely care about you both a whole lot. I am almost crying, I feel for you 2, us 3, and I wish that things could have worked out better. I am embarrassed to say this to right now how I had lots of dreams of meeting, doing things together, talking, other things, and cooking for. I know probably would not be how any of us might imagine or dream, we all are only flawed humans after all. Yes life is short, I am probably insane now from seggsual frustration, and all 3 of us are poor so um yeah. I have had fantasy of like hitchhiking out to meet, so maybe if I find myself homeless in a few years I might do that you know if I am invited would be super awkward, cringe, and creepy to show up one day uninvited. Plus I do not know where anyone lives. I feel a connection, maybe my delusions talking, still I feel like I saw certain things that were fated to happen, and I wish I could have changed things for the better.

Why thank you my hair is lovely today. Nothing much, nada mucho, I have been playing a lot of Resident Evil 2 lately. I am alright, my hair is very pretty today thanks for asking. I am glad you are enjoying your college course. Also I really appreciate you leaving me a comment, OMG! I am almost crying, I am so fricking lonely.

@@VehAhSix I see you are gaming really hard. Nice to know you have a lot of games to play, I occasionally watch these gameplay videos you upload, very chill while I do my work. Do you go to a barber or salon to get your hair done?

@@eemud1702 I trim my own hair sometimes, my hair is getting super long, I do not have money so I cannot pay for professional hair stuff. I have already played almost all my games. I did not know I played a lot of games I guess that is a matter of perspective. I have ran out of ideas of what to upload on my channel again so I do not know when I will upload again. My hair is really pretty today.

​@@VehAhSix That's cool that you trim it yourself. I could never do it. Seems a little difficult. I used to have spiky hair when I was 14. I miss that hairstyle, it made me look hyperactive, which I am. How about exploring more Fortnite maps? Just a suggestion.

@@eemud1702 thank you so much for your suggestion, really truly is invaluable to hear from someone who actually watches some of my holos what you might like seeing in the future. Because I am running this YT channel all by myself I often have difficult time deciding what to make, I am pretty limited to video game content right now, I did not want to upload the same things over, and over in case people get bored of repetitive content. Anyways okay sure I most likely will make more like probably horror Fortnite Creative holos since you suggested I do that, and because most my holos in that series seem to get views. Like I have said before I do have a kind of creative vision for my channel, I am not super attached to only uploading what I want, and I do want to make stuff people want to see. First few times I trimmed my own hair was nerve racking, after a while I stopped caring as much about doing perfect job mostly because you know hair grows back. I have a conditioner I really like, right now my hair is super soft, smells so good, all shiny, and very beautiful. You had spiky hair? Like Cloud Strife?

I watch those reuploads also Chris. I remember finding the channel before the 1st deletion, channels were deleted 2 times, must have been 8 or more years ago I am bad with remembering dates, I was in a super edgy phase, maybe found holo about The Danny Phantom Weis market Andrew Blaze event, I remember I had a phase when I was watching a lot of holos about events like that. Is likely a nutritional issue like not giving brain vital nutrients to maintain neurological faculties so probably affected eyesight. I appreciate people on the fringe of society, I like listening to alternative voices, people marginalized, I found the content refreshing, seemed pretty genuine which is rare, and the editing of those old holos really good also. I lurked for many years watching, even lurked in server called Autismo Limbo for years before trying to talk to anyone. Nowadays I am only on YT, and PlayStation network.

I already suspect we have made contact, is likely not much would change for me since I am already pretty open minded. My reaction would probably be something like- "Told you so." I definitely have my issues with religion, religious people, generally I do my best to have patience, compassion, know most religious people trying to be good, also Islam has not always been anti science, lots of scientific advancement was because of Islamic world, math, medicine, lots of things advanced because of Islam. Everything has pluses, and minuses. Seems to me lots of people rather believe everything some man said in the past, that was written in a book, talked about by people they like, rather than listen to what people are saying in the here, and now based on the things that we pretty much have proven. As a general rule I do my best to not be too dogmatic, believe things because someone told me to, there are some good things in religions, you being very into Samurai way is kind of like religion, I may be wrong, I am pretty sure is related to Shinto, correct me if I am wrong, and you have found benefit in your life from adopting the Samurai way. I am not perfect, I often self sabotage mostly because I do not believe cults of personality are that healthy, I do not want people to trust me, do not trust anyone, I recommend researching things yourself, do not take my word for it, I have found much benefit from studying all religions, different philosophy, reading about sciences to balance all that, there are a lot of core values shared by all religions, interesting to see how people thought about things in the past, then balance all that with physics, chemistry, biology, genetics, neuroscience, and computer science. Even though I have my own crisis of faith, I do not believe all the things I used to, even without being part of any religion strictly speaking currently, I still do my best to be a good person, try to help others see reality more clearly, be of service to others without any ulterior motives of trying to get anything from anyone. Like I want an intimate relationship, I am not trying to force anything.

Your wish is granted. Careful what you wish for, pink wish dragon Veh Ah Six might fulfil your heart's every desire. Only teasing you... Maybe. You know how things are for me, pretty much things only seem to get worse for me, this whole loneliness, seggsual frustration thing getting worse. Still also feel really alone in the whole intense fear, anxiety about reality of my mortality thing. No one, nothing seems to be able to offer me comfort or peace of mind. I am terrified, anxious, extremely lonely, broke, bad with learning, friendless, isolated, probably have autism, ADHD, and PTSD who knows not diagnosed. So um yeah I am kind of a mess. Thank you so very much for you comment, I appreciate you.

​@@VehAhSix I wish I could help with that somehow but I have no ideas but to just comment and give you something to talk about. This world is pretty individualistic anyhow, it's everybody for themselves. I don't know how bad people in the US are over there, but I've met people over here who are nice, kind and civil enough. I still wanna be alone most of the time. Could there be anybody there that wants to be your friend or the chances are next to 0?

@@eemud1702 my hope springs eternal, I live in pretty rural area, also most people here seem to hate my dad, and I. I still continue to try to make friends, go out, try to meet new people, all signs so far point to a real possibility that I would probably have to move to find anyone to be my friend. I would guess my chances are slim, maybe a .13 chance, I may be too optimistic about my chances.

@@VehAhSix May I ask why they would hate you and your dad. Is it just for no reason? Because I know people who hate others for no reason, it happens.

@@eemud1702 I have told you about this in the past, I am limited by the rules of YT, so I cannot fully answer this question. I am blonde with blue eyes, this is pretty rural area, a lot of people moved into this area from other countries, there are no one around here I know of who look like me, is considered okay to hate people who look like me, I know for a fact that there has been an agenda for at least a decade or two to normalize hatred of people who look like me through school system, media, news, movies, shows, advertising, there may be other factors at play as well that I cannot talk about, may already be risky to say this much. This has been my experience, may not be like this everywhere. I do not know if I can say this either, also might be related to WWII because things the losers of that war were supposedly for are considered bad, things like purity, blonde hair, blue eyes, and that may contribute to it being seemingly okay to consider those traits to be indicators someone is automatically bad or evil. Like even I have been brainwashed to hate myself. Short answer yes is basically for no reason, worst things I have ever done is say bad things, think wrong thoughts before in the past, and same for my dad I am sure everyone has thought about things that people may not like.

Awe what a sweet comment. I am always happy to read your comments.

Thank you for your question wolf. At the risk of potentially upsetting people I guess I will give my honest opinion, I usually try to avoid politics because I may upset people. I have been brainwashed by school, media, advertising to hate myself, I am not immune to propaganda of you know who. That being said I am not like a good feminist, I am straight so no talking is a difficult ask for me, I happen to like men. Is nuanced, is extreme to go full 4b, I can kind of relate, like if you have been forced to drink grape soda if you know what I mean I can see why someone might go that route. I am not really trusting of the system we have now, like either side seems to be in the pockets of a certain tribe I know you know what I mean. I am not trying to get in trouble, I do feel strongly about these things, I know I cannot do anything about the system is already so big, powerful, I doubt at this point there will ever be any change that will benefit people like you or me wolf. I heard the 4b movement is spreading a little to USA over this resent election, I do not pretend to know politics, I am scared about what I heard will happen, like I know the Government has done a lot of shady stuff so I would not be surprised if some of that bad stuff will happen, like the things that were done to my brain, and most people will not believe the Government does those kinds of things ever.

It’s funny how people think that will amount to anything when a third of guys already weren’t getting laid and even guys that are have been telling women to stop sleeping around for decades now

@@AustinWright0 thank you for your comment Austin. Nice to see you here.

I cannot really imagine what all that has been like Chris, I know you have adopted a certain philosophy, I am not trying to change you, I value your life, please never end. I know for myself my own loneliness, and seggsual frustration is getting worse with time. I feel like frustration is driving me insane. Having purpose is a difficult ask for me Chris, I feel like my life has no purpose or meaning, I am suffering deeply in life, everyday I have to wake up knowing the reality of my own mortality, that someday I will be gone forever, that life is so short there really is not enough time for me to do things I want to do, I have intense fear, anxiety about getting old, and the end. I feel extreme loneliness, frustration, intense fear, and anxiety. I am trying Chris, I want to keep living, growing, learning, healing, I hope I am wrong about myself, I know myself pretty well, and I feel like you are right these feelings get worse with more time. I am sorry you have had to go through all that Chris I genuinely am. I know I cannot do much, know I am here for you if you want to talk about these things more, or want to hear what types of things may help you keep going even as you will lose all those near, and dear to you.

I do not know. I have been down. I am super shy, and I do not know what I am doing with my channel. I did not talk at all for a couple years I was totally mute. I am still not really sure if better to be myself or play a character online, not like really matters, I am trying to be less of a character, and I am sure I have already made mistakes with my channel. Ever using my real voice probably a mistake. Most of my voice recordings I have up on here are really cringe sounding to me honestly. I am honestly super sensitive about my voice, and I have like no reason to be I know I sound super cute IRL. Another thing I do is consciously try to ruin my own character, I make mistakes , I am not perfect, leaving up all my cringe may help to keep me humble, I can look back, and be all like I can always improve. Most people always trying to maintain face, be perfect, I am pretty open about that I am a loser, and that I sabotage myself. I have been trying to improve my content, learn, grow, hiding my character flaws is very tempting, and I have not deleted anything. I am still playing around with my content, I am really embarrassed by much of what I have already posted. I doubt that answered your question, I did not really understand your question, the short answer is I am shy about how my voice sounds on recording, that I kind of play a character online of someone who is socially awkward loser who makes lots of mistakes, self sabotages own character, because that is pretty much how I am IRL, a failure in so many ways, I fail at making friends, I fail at being a good student, I failed getting a relationship, I fail finding a job, and I feel like I have failed in so many ways at this whole YT thing. Thank you for your comment wolf, and thanks for recommending I do rants.

Is important in my opinion for people to have a way of expressing uncomfortable truths through art, if people are aware of issues in society there is more of a chance people will change things for the better. In my view people are too comfortable, entertained, complacent to do anything to change the system for the better. I cannot say what I want to say, something kind of close I can say is if things got more dystopian a critical mass of a majority of people may wake up decide to do something better, like people deciding to find their humanity, get along better, not let money control them, have more compassion, empathy, care about people, like within people's power to make everyone's live's better, like ideally Utopia where people's needs, and even basic human wants could happen if certain, or enough people decided to care about people.

Alright, new Chris lore unlocked.

Sorry for my mistake I meant to say congrats on getting a 22 subs on your channel.

@@chrisserfass8635 thank you Chris, yeah I really appreciate all my subscribers, means a whole lot to me that people seem to get some enjoyment out of my channel. I have poured a lot of my interests, and personality into my YT channel. I am honestly embarrassed about my slow progress figuring out how to do things, I am basically teaching myself, I do not feel like a very good teacher or student. Took me what 2 months to find where you change a setting to do voice recording on holos, 4 months to discover how to do a little editing on ny holos, how to download, and how to use holo editing app. At this rate will probably take me 2 to 3 months to learn how to change the text on the title card when I edit holos. I am pretty sure there must be a way to change CYBERPUNK to something else, until then I guess I am CYBERPUNK VA6LICKER. All that to say I really appreciate you, also everyone else who have commented me nice, encouraging, and thought provoking texts. This game was pretty good honestly, I liked the unique setting of futuristic, like with the robot dinosaurs, and blended together with tribal humans. Is interesting trying to find a good balance between doing what I want to do with my channel, my maybe ADHD riddled, possibly autistic brain wanting to try new things, keep things new, fresh, liking short holos, variety, and starting to get somewhat of a feel for what people may actually want me to upload. Is tricky I have kind of a vision for what I want to do with my channel, I am flexible in that I do want to please, make my viewers happy, give people what they want, I have noticed I have changed a bit, I am a little more outgoing on here, I have improved my grammar, spelling, I have increased my holo quality, at heart I am still the same, shy, innocent, pure, rebellious, and trying to do my best with the time I have. I am not perfect, I am human, I make mistakes, I am full of paradox, conflict, trauma, pain, suffering, anxiety, fear, loneliness, possibly even magic if you can believe such a thing even exists in this sterile, scientific, and technological dystopia.

Thank you for your comment. You know the usual, terrified anxious about my mortality, bored, extremely lonely, seggsually frustrated, single, no IRL friends still, so um yeah basically the same as I usually am. If anything I am so seggsually frustrated I feel like I am going insane like that has gotten worse. I hope you are doing well with college and everything.

​@@VehAhSix College is going great for me surprisingly. Doesn't feel as isolating as my last time I've been to it, I can actually do what I want and have to do, makes it easier for me to collaborate with people. I think fates are terrifying no matter how you look at it. Just the inevitability of it all disappearing into dust. But we keep moving forward because of our survival instincts. I hope you find some solace in the hobbies you have. I am so far removed from segs and stuff like that so I cannot relate, I just want to be at peace in this confusing world.

@@eemud1702 peace be unto you brother. Peace seems so out of reach to me, I chose truth in the past, peace would be very welcome, unfortunately the truth of reality being I would say a dark truth does not bring me peace of mind. You cannot relate to wishing you had someone to hold you on cold lonely nights? Someone to offer comfort when you are crying in the darkness? Someone to help distract, and help you feel better? If that is true that is interesting, I wish I could get over this deep longing inside to fill the void in my cold black heart with the warmth, light, and love of my other half. As far as confusing world, and finding peace. With clarity, breaking through the confusion, fog, seeing things clearly, developing a clear perspective of reality is contrary to seeking peace, if you want peace above all else I recommend not seeking truth or clarity, for delusion, confusion, and ignorance are paths to a peaceful happy life. I have done deep introspection inside myself to know what I want, and need in life, this brings me deep suffering to know I do not have certain things, will most likely never have these things that are important to me, and intrinsically linked to my motivations in life. Also seeing reality clearly has given me deep insight into the lives of other people helped me have more empathy, compassion, care, and sensitivity towards others. I do not deny other people's pain, I do not seek to dismiss anyone's genuine experience of suffering, if I could help to relieve these feelings I would for myself, and others. I do not blindly believe there is a path to overcoming suffering mine or others, all the false promises people have given to overcome these feelings are from people who do not really comprehend the deep suffering of someone denied a deep relationship who has that as something they really want, most people, especially people in the past do not comprehend what a human is, how the human brain works, and the true terrifying horror that is human mortality. Would be interesting if anyone did have a convincing argument from the perspective of physical reality of humans, our mortality, to address, comfort this terrifying fear, and anxiety. From my perspective the spirituality, and philosophy of the past, or present does not offer any comfort for the reality of my mortality. Everyday I wake up knowing this intense fear, anxiety, I suffer deeply from the knowledge of what a human is, that I am alone, and that someday I will be gone forever. That my life is ultimately so very short, too short to find someone right for me, too short for me to make enough money to do the things I want to do in life. All this knowledge, all this clarity, all these memories, experiences for what? To be wiped from existence only for another new human which is not me to most likely never even come close to this level of clarity, and knowledge.

​@@VehAhSix We will return to dust. Yeah, it feels so futile. Even if I'm somewhat religious, this whole life is just pointless to me, we only really live because of our survival instincts. Though it feels like this one life I have is sacred to me like an animal's life is sacred to them. I still wish to find peace regardless because I'm just kinda tired of everything, tired of society, tired of people, tired of all cultures thinking they have the truth when they don't. I just want to create my own world to drift off to, closest I have is my group chat full of my old friends where we talk about whatever. Some of my friends have no support from their shitty families, some do. So those of us with a good support system have to help our friends who don't have it. I am not gonna sugarcoat anything, it's horrific, and I'm scared about the way things are. But we move onwards regardless, because there's nothing else to do but wait. Like you said before, tick tock tick tock. Time is ticking. Peace be unto you. @VehAhSix

@@eemud1702 right today I was remembering those like life span count down clocks they have online where you see OMG! I only have so many days or minutes left really seems like such a small number.

No not after winning a game. Sometimes I like to belly dance alone in my room, and I have tried doing some Fortnite dances IRL.

Maybe a cross between Blanc, and Vert characters. This game is called Neptunia x SENRAN KAGURA: Ninja Wars. Last time I counted I had around 23 games, if you want to know which games I have you could look at my Favorite Games playlist since that has gameplay of most games I have.

@@VehAhSix So what are your favorite Games?

@@chrisserfass8635 Stellar Blade, Resident Evill Village, The Sims 4, Tormented Souls, Robocop: Rogue City, Wanted: Dead, Returnal, Nier: Automata, Fortnite, Bright Memory: Infinite, Metro Redux, Angels Of Death, Call Of Duty: Black Ops III, Terminator: Resistance, Someday You'll Return: Director's Cut, Scars Above, Protocol, Doom (2016), Injustice: Gods Among Us, Apsulov: End of Gods, Killzone Shadow Fall, those are my favorite games.

This game is called Loop Room. You win the game by doing enough loops. This was my 100th upload. Did you do anything to celebrate Halloween Chris? I went to a cemetery, I walked around reading headstones, I ate a Sneakers while I was there, besides that I watched a lot of horror movies, 3 Friday The 13th movies, and 2 A Nightmare On Elms Street movies.

@VehAhSix No I don't really do anything for Halloween.

@@chrisserfass8635 oh okay.

@@VehAhSix I haven't done anything for Halloween since I was 13 years of age and that was clear back in 2000.

@@chrisserfass8635 I do not usually do anything either, this year I felt like doing something.

This game is called Horror Halls in Fortnite, there is something called creative mode where people make their own games that you can access through the Fortnite app or something, I am not entirely sure how works because is a PC thing, I also think Epic Games pays people money too or something for making creative maps, and again I am not really certain I have my facts straight only repeating what I heard.

I like the look of old cars. Fortnite used to have a unique kind of cartoony look to things like cars like kind of stretched, and angled odd. I like both the realistic, and older unique styles.

@VehAhSix So what model type of vehicle does your dad have? That he drives with and does he have more than one vehicle?

@@chrisserfass8635 I rather not say if that is okay Chris. I really appreciate you, your comments, and your questions Chris. I do not want you to feel like I am brushing you off, or that you cannot ask me questions. I am still trying to learn how to do this whole social media thing, what private things are, and are not alright to share publicly. Like maybe if you know um if we had a closer relationship I may feel more comfortable answering more questions. I would like to get comfortable enough, and you get comfortable enough with me that I could sit on your lap and call you daddy if that made any sense.

@VehAhSix It's not like I'm asking for your license plate numbers and what color the vehicle is. Just Make and model type. Veh Ah Six and there are so many people who have the same type of vehicles so it's not really a doxxing question.

@@chrisserfass8635 yeah I know Chris I am feeling uncomfortable, and shy is all. Please do not be mad with me.

Hey Chris, OMG! That was the fastest comment ever, YT had not even generated a thumbnail yet! I never saw that movie, I was about to start watching Titanic I will let you know what I think. I have not seen too many 70s movies, I cannot think of any I have seen from that era, that is wild to think about how many eras of movies there have already been, my favorite decades for movies are 80s, and 90s. I am nostalgic for movies that were before my time, they had a like perfect balance of good acting, practical effects, high production value, manly men doing manly things, attractive women, interesting themes. I also like 2000s movies too, even some recent movies like Dune part 1, and part 2, and alien Romulus. Do you have any favorite horror movies? What are your favorite 70s movies?

Jaws and the Poseidon Adventure also the original Star Wars movie.

@@chrisserfass8635 I have seen Jaws that movie was scary, I saw original Star Wars I forgot from 70s, I never seen The Poseidon Adventure. As I write this reply I am watching Titanic on my 2nd TV. Is Jaws your favorite horror movie? Do you not have horror movies you like Chris? My dad does not celebrate birthdays or holidays, I like watching horror movies around this time of year, last year for Halloween I went to a graveyard, I bought, ate a Sneakers bar, I read the things people wrote on the headstones, there were some very touching things people had written on some of them, I got all emotional, sad that all those people are long gone, forgotten, and that people do not visit the grave sites ever. I will probably purchase, eat a Sneakers bar at graveyard again this Halloween to at least feel like I did something for holiday.

@@chrisserfass8635 Chris, I bet you are already asleep. I watched Titanic, I am crying. OMG! That was so sad, really scary. Loneliness hits hard at times like this no one to comfort me. Was a very nice ship, a mavel of engineering, a triumph of human creativity, and the capitalistic system. At once beautiful, and deadly. Pretty good movie, and long pretty late here now as I type this. I cannot stop crying, especially sad all those people who needlessly lost their lives, I know was a long time ago, I cannot help feeling humanity have not learned from the example of the Titanic. I do not know if you will read this, was an interesting um coincidence that I had been planning to watch that movie, and recently you recommended I see that.

@@VehAhSix Your dad not celebrating holidays reminds me of my mom. She converted to that cult Jehovah Witnesses, and they don't celebrate holidays or even birthdays LMAO. I hope however the reason your dad doesn't is not because of some religious sect, but simply he may just be too busy and have no time. I know you mentioned he works 2 jobs, that must be incredibly tiring. In my hometown whenever an old friend of mine comes to visit (he moved to Germany to work) we always go to a very old roman catholic graveyard, just a few streets away from where my parents are. We call it "the old german graveyard" and it's always interesting to see the stories and the sheer age on those headstones. Many there died in the late 1800's, which is insanely old. I think if I'm not mistaken I even saw a headstone (renovated) where the date of birth was the late 1700's. That's almost as old as the Thirteen Colonies, crazy stuff. History is awesome. The part of Romania I live in used to be under austrian rule hundreds of years ago, hence the explanation of german influence in case anyone was wondering. LOL Veh Ah Six if you want sad movies, let me suggest two that will surely wreck emotions. One's older, and the other one's more recent: Scent of a Woman (1992) Manchester by the Sea (2016) P.S: Yeah I also think 80's-90's and some 2000's production to be the perfect balance in terms of overall movie production and quality, without being spoiled by what we have today. (won't say becuz yt censors me enough already)

Thank you so very much for your comment Chris, I have not been getting much comments lately, I am always glad to see your comments. Alice that is a cool name for your hole puncher. Yes Chris that is a My Hero Academia female character named Himiko Toga. I also have the wish granting dragon Shenron from Dragon Ball Z..

@@VehAhSix I have seen your other videos but didn't know what to say. So I just let those videos with no comments from me.

@@chrisserfass8635 that is perfectly alright Chris only comment if you want to, you are fine.

OMG! Fupcel in my comments! Thank you for commenting, I had a feeling someone left me a comment, I am very grateful for all my comments, eternally grateful beyond words, I cannot convey how much I appreciate all the very nice comments I have gotten, my engagement has slowed lately, so far in my YT holo uploading saga my favorite part is all the nice comments I have gotten, and conversations I have had in replies. I know you meant well by your comment, only trying to help me feel better so i will forgive the kind of dismissive tone, you probably cannot relate to this intense fear, and anxiety I am experiencing. I guess I will explain my reasoning since seems like maybe you cannot relate to this intense fear. Life is so short is like the most limited amount of time compared to infinity, or even 2 3 million years, so a super short life, then I will someday be gone forever there will never be another Veh Ah Six, lastly the process of getting old life ending also truly terrible, I may develop dementia, lose my mind, go insane, the end may also be very painful. I wish I could go back to believing delusions about the end, go back to not realizing the reality of where my life is leading, at same time makes me really cherish my life, other people, human life is such a precious thing. I am suffering deeply in life, I am extremely lonely, I have no friends IRL I still keep trying to meet people make friends still no luck, I am very seggsually frustrated you have no idea how much is to like a maddening degree to where I feel like lack of friends, relationships, loneliness, frustration due to lack of intimacy may be driving me insane, I have a lot of trauma, I am super bored there is like nothing to do in rural area I live in, I am broke, I have no work, I fear I may end up homeless in a few years, and I am terrified by the reality of my own mortality. Someday not existing is not a comfort to how I feel now. My mother passed away when I was 6 I feel that loss, that absence, that lack of a female rolemodel. As I am writing this I have totally broken down, I have been in bed all day I have not down anything, this happens to me sometimes, I get overwhelmed with these thoughts, and feelings I cannot get myself to get out of bed. I am always on this edge because of my past, of breaking down, I have to force myself to do stuff, to not think about stuff because once I do start thinking I usually get overwhelmed, and cannot function. I know I must sound so pathetic right now, I am human, I am not perfect, sometimes people fall down in life have trouble picking themselves back up, and no one is there to help.

@@VehAhSix Sorry for making that sound dismissive. You're right that on first read, someone would definitely think it was. I have a dumb habit of either writing walls and walls of text, or doing the opposite and just trying to condense what I mean entirely into just a sentence or two. Which was the case here. Perhaps you are right. Perhaps I cannot relate on a deeper level to your fear of no longer being. I'm not sure I can explain why there is this difference, but I will attempt to. Not to sound morbid, but I see the idea of no longer existing as preferrable over an existence that is just pure torture. I have a history of dark thoughts to the point of wanting to end things myself. Fortunately my station and mental wellbeing improved somewhat, or at least to say to the extent that such thoughts are not on my priority list anymore. I can relate however to your fear of growing old, sick or weak. Because those are things you feel as a result of aging and natural entropy, whilst still being conscious and alive. I can also relate to the trauma part. I've been whipped by my family, bullied at school, and betrayed countless times by so-called friends. I can also relate to the loneliness. But I guess I just became number to it, by that I mean the loneliness. In so far as s***sual frustration, I just let it out with a wank. I don't know what to offer as a solution, but to further breakdown what I originally meant is this: I see death as like a dreamless sleep. The only difference is you don't wake up. Are you afraid of sleep? I suppose not. If anything sleep is good, sleep is pleasant. Think of it that way, just in case there's nothing else on the other side. As far as the fear that our existence is too short in comparison to infinity, and simply not being around again as another F-up or Veh Ah or [insert name] I think that fear is the ego manifesting itself. Like a fear that our self, our 'ego' will no longer be. I think it may also be the fact that you're relatively young...it takes a long time and several ego deaths to get to the point of being able to be somewhat aware and a little in control of one's own Ego. By ego I don't mean arrogance however. People tend to associate only arrogance with the ego, but ego in its purest definition is just simply our sense of "self" so to speak. If I'm not mistaken it is in the very ancient latin meaning of the word, which meant "I". We're all human and riddled with defects and issues. It's just different in type and magnitude from person to person. Don't be ashamed of that, it is what it is. Glad to hear you appreciate peoples comments, and derive some joy by interacting with the audience. P.S: Sorry to hear about your mother...my condolances.

@@Fupcel you are fine. Thank you so much for your comment, and question. There is difference no? between sleep, and the final dreamless sleep you do not wake up. Sleep is not as scary because you wake up still alive, the final dreamless sleep is permanent. Please never end I do not want you to end. Your statement about ego was pretty close to real, like what is ego, I appreciate you not using in a totally spiritual sense, ego is sense of self, also survival instinct, I am young yes, I have had multiple ego deaths, what is an individual if not our neural activity, electro chemical reactions between neural synapses, action potentials within neurons, I am me, I am Veh Ah Six, I am my body, my brain, the complex patterns of thought occurring in my brain, personality sense of self, memories, experience. So I agree survival instinct is a big reason why I fear the end, is a threat to my existence, and there is nothing I can do to alleviate this knowledge. I have been trying to find a convincing argument against the end being the end, so far I have been unsuccessful in adopting a delusional perspective on this, because I really do not enjoying always feeling so afraid is not a pleasant feeling. Is probably also part of my personality or whatevs, I may be autistic, or autisthicc, okay I will stop, I am an eternal optimist realist, I can see the good in everything, I choose to stay optimistic, hope things improve, I personally value all human life, is so precious, so fragile, so fleeting, and this is primarily because I believe I have a very clear view of what humans are, and the true horror of our mortality. I do the same thing with my comments, and replies short messages or these books of a comment. This in my case is because I have no one to talk to, I keep so much to myself, that when I get these opportunities to express myself I sometimes go overboard. I really appreciate you opening up to me about some of your trauma, way your thought process works, I have been interested to know more about you. I have been online on Internet since I was 6, I have a lot of practice texting, I personally find most comfortable communicating through texts, I am still trying to improve my communication skills, open up more, push my comfort zones, part of why I have been doing this whole YT thing now, after being bvllied so severely I stopped talking, and was mute for couple years. As for the um self pleasuring thing I do not do that, I never watch adult content either if you know what I mean. My kind of philosophy about that is like what is the point if I am probably never going to have a relationship why bother. I wish I did not need someone for this, I sometimes fail keeping my messages from getting too explicit, difficult for me to control myself around someone I am getting attention from because I am so starved for attention, so I may appear too outgoing online, in reality I am still very pure, innocent, and super shy. I try my best to be respectful of other people's boundries.

Okay yeah I plan to watch that movie, and I will let you know what I think.

Thank you for comment Chris, and thank you for letting me know.

Thank you for your really nice comment, and thank you Chris for your great questions. I was trying to follow traffic laws, I was not perfect, I ran a red light I got confused I thought was okay because was clear, even though technically you are never supposed to run a red light. I like generation Alpha music that being like techno, EDM, or electronic music, I like some generation Z music too, like few songs by Xxxtentacion, and Lund. I am very embarrassed to admit that. Or do you mean Zoomer music in way I use word Z00mer? I call everyone older than me that.

That was nice of Fupcel to think of me, pass along my thanks please Chris or I will myself if I ever know anyone is streaming, or catch anyone live, I have not been on YT as much lately. If I know when anyone is maybe going to stream I usually try my best to be in chat. I have been reading books. Thank you so much for your comment Chris really means a whole lot to me. :heart:

@@VehAhSix Veh Ah Six what Food do you eat at School? And what Books have you been reading and looking at?

@@chrisserfass8635 Chris you were asking about school other day, I am sensitive about this subject because I do not like thinking about school, I very much dislike school. I guess I will talk about school a little. My dad does not like me eating unhealthy food so I usually bring my own food, usually organic fruit, I do admit I sometimes eat things like soggy microwaved chicken nuggets, please do not tell my dad on me. Subjects I am good at are social studies, creative writing, and my worst subject is math. I am currently reading Dracula, and is such a good book.

I know right. Thank you so much for your comment you are a real one Ony.

Sounds like a pretty good flashlight Chris. Would be cool to have a flashlight like that.

I would describe my life as hell, in all actuality not that terrible, my day sucked, cannot make friends, cannot focus, not doing well, I do not really want to talk about school if that is okay? I try to live in a fantasy world because real life is not good. I was hopeful things would improve in my life, so far pretty much the same, something that I am grateful for is doing this whole YT thing, keeping in touch with few people I chatted with in live streams, like this has been good socialization for me, if was not for this I would be too isolated. I feel like i have made a few mistakes with my channel, I said some things I probably should have known not to, I have made mistakes, I have hopefully learned, grown, maybe already too late. I guess I will find out where things lead.

You are fine Chris. I do not worry personally, my dad lives pay check to pay check, we are only barely getting by, my dad works too much, too hard, rent is too expensive even for small rural home, so we cannot really stock up on anything. Do you know why they are striking? Kind of reminds me of that character Tom Cruise played in War Of The Worlds, the character was a dock worker, I may watch that movie again sometime soon, I like watching movies sometimes helps to take my mind off real life. If you want some movie recommendations I recently changed my channel bio on here added a bunch more movie recommendations.

@@VehAhSix The reason why they are going on strike is for better pay and a tad better benefits like health care.

@@chrisserfass8635 hopefully works out for them, unfortunately I feel like things like strikes generally accelerate development of automation nowadays, instead of wealthy people thinking hey maybe I will improve quality of life for my workers they look for ways of saving money. If I had money probably one of the first things I honestly should do is get checked out by a doctor.

I am well physically I think, I did have some pain in side of my head the other day where I think I may have implant.

I am physically very well, I never get sick, I seem to have really amazing health, I am suffering deeply in life, I am extremely lonely, still single, still no IRL friends, I am super bored, I am so frustrated with no way to do anything about, I am broke, I am terrified of my own mortality, besides all that life overall good, and I do want to keep living. I hope things improve. Thank you so much for commenting, good luck with university life, hopefully you are doing well, and do not get stressed out. As for this video game I probably will not upload anymore of this video game at least not anytime soon, I am playing a few other games right now, so far I am trying to be kind of a variety gaming UA-camr, maybe that is not what people want, is what I am trying out right now, I have difficult time focusing on one thing, I get bored too easily, I maybe am wrong in assuming people might get bored if I upload the same kinds of holos over, and over. Wow I did not think I had so much to type, must be because I have not been talking to anyone hardly at all. I did have some pain in side of my head other day where I think I may have implant, my dad does not take me to doctors, if I had money there is a lot I would want to buy/do such as getting a MRI to at least try to find out what is going on with my brain.

@@VehAhSix Oh damn, I hope it's nothing too damaging. I wish you the best of health. I sometimes wonder how anybody can ever escape situations like this. It's difficult. It would be a lot easier if people were less individualistic and they helped each other more. Try not to worry too much about appealing to your viewers. If you like doing videos on the games you play, then keep at it.

@@eemud1702 I never worry about anything really. Part of my delusion whatever this way of thinking is, that I know a lot of what is going to happen in my future, also collectively as in certain fated events, gives me a sense of dread, helplessness, aswell as I rarely get surprised, there is a peculiar comfort in feeling like I know bad things that will befall me, as bad as I know things will get for me things could have always been worse in this hypothetical delusion I have of a fated future that has not happened yet. I enjoy being of service to other people, I would like to help people if at all possible, I cannot even help myself so whatevs.

Thank you so much for commenting, and for encouragement. There was a lot to like about this video game, I am not trying to spoil anything for anyone who has not played yet, really fun feeling the experience of hiking really beautiful nature.