Yvette Erasmus, PsyD
Yvette Erasmus, PsyD
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Being a safe person for someone else 1080p 1
Are you longing to increase your capacity as a safe place for others? This video can help.
This is a heavily edited excerpt from Conversations from the Heart, a free Q&A call every Wednesday morning. You can find the full podcast here: open.spotify.com/show/3xGcpOlc4ooHgZxSQUZbhl
Want to learn more?
FREE INTRODUCTORY PROGRAM
Conversations from the Heart - weekly live Q&A coaching call
Wednesdays at 10am CT via Zoom
Learn more and register here: yvetteerasmus.com/conversatio...
View all my available programs here:
yvetteerasmus.com/work-with-me/
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Dr. Yvette Erasmus is a psychologist, teacher, and consultant who specializes in transformative education for human healing and growth, helping people embrace differences while staying grounded in their fundamental unity. A sought-after relational-intelligence expert, Dr. Erasmus offers various programs for community learning as well as one-on-one consulting. Her approach synthesizes mind-body medicine, somatic experiencing, diversity and inclusiveness, nonviolent communication, and integral-relational-cultural psychology, bringing what has been divided and fragmented into wholeness and harmony. To learn more, visit yvetteerasmus.com.
Переглядів: 503

Відео

Co-parenting with a Narcissist: Part 3
Переглядів 114Місяць тому
In this three-part series, we discuss the struggles of co-parenting with someone who has narcissistic defense tendencies, and brainstorm possible strategies, in addition to covering the importance of letting go. This is a heavily edited excerpt from Conversations from the Heart, a free Q&A call every Wednesday morning. You can find the full podcast here: open.spotify.com/show/3xGcpOlc4ooHgZxSQU...
Co-parenting with a Narcissist: Part 2
Переглядів 142Місяць тому
In this three-part series, we discuss the struggles of co-parenting with someone who has narcissistic defense tendencies, and brainstorm possible strategies, in addition to covering the importance of letting go. This is a heavily edited excerpt from Conversations from the Heart, a free Q&A call every Wednesday morning. You can find the full podcast here: open.spotify.com/show/3xGcpOlc4ooHgZxSQU...
Co-parenting With a Narcissist: Part 1
Переглядів 518Місяць тому
In this three-part series, we discuss the struggles of co-parenting with someone who has narcissistic defense tendencies, and brainstorm possible strategies, in addition to covering the importance of letting go. This is a heavily edited excerpt from Conversations from the Heart, a free Q&A call every Wednesday morning. You can find the full podcast here: open.spotify.com/show/3xGcpOlc4ooHgZxSQU...
Handling Passive Aggressive Comments
Переглядів 3992 місяці тому
Many of us long to have the right retort at the right time. However, there's a way to drop the passive/aggressive game in exchange for something more authentic and true. This is a heavily edited excerpt from Conversations from the Heart, a free Q&A call every Wednesday morning. You can find the full podcast here: open.spotify.com/show/3xGcpOlc4ooHgZxSQUZbhl Want to learn more? FREE INTRODUCTORY...
Implementing loving boundaries with my 11 year old
Переглядів 1912 місяці тому
If kids stood still and were always just one age, parenting would be a much easier job. But just when you've figured out what works for your ten year old, she quickly becomes eleven and matures out of the strategies that used to work when parenting her. Just as our children change and grow, so much our strategies for effective parenting. This is a heavily edited excerpt from Conversations from ...
Talking about race at work
Переглядів 1062 місяці тому
It is often very difficult to talk about race, especially when that conversation needs to happen at work. Listen to some tips on how to navigate a difficult situation. This is a heavily edited excerpt from Conversations from the Heart, a free Q&A call every Wednesday morning. You can find the full podcast here: open.spotify.com/show/3xGcpOlc4ooHgZxSQUZbhl Want to learn more? FREE INTRODUCTORY P...
Help! Is This Child a "Bully"?
Переглядів 1173 місяці тому
Labels can often help us all understand a situation, but even more important than labelling is the ability to locate a conversation in objective observations. This is a heavily edited excerpt from Conversations from the Heart, a free Q&A call every Wednesday morning. You can find the full podcast here: open.spotify.com/show/3xGcpOlc4ooHgZxSQUZbhl Want to learn more? FREE INTRODUCTORY PROGRAM Co...
Personal Growth Transcend and Include 1080p
Переглядів 1343 місяці тому
As we grow, it's important to include the past parts of us and not reject who we've once been. This is a heavily edited excerpt from Conversations from the Heart, a free Q&A call every Wednesday morning. You can find the full podcast here: open.spotify.com/show/3xGcpOlc4ooHgZxSQUZbhl Want to learn more? FREE INTRODUCTORY PROGRAM Conversations from the Heart - weekly live Q&A coaching call Wedne...
Please Tell Me You Love Me 1080p
Переглядів 2403 місяці тому
It can be so painful to long for "I Love You" from a parent. Here's a script that might work! This is a heavily edited excerpt from Conversations from the Heart, a free Q&A call every Wednesday morning. You can find the full podcast here: open.spotify.com/show/3xGcpOlc4ooHgZxSQUZbhl Want to learn more? FREE INTRODUCTORY PROGRAM Conversations from the Heart - weekly live Q&A coaching call Wednes...
Help! My Conversations Always go Sideways! 1080p
Переглядів 1604 місяці тому
My friend and I get stuck at the same place in the same conversation. How can we move beyond this place? This is a heavily edited excerpt from Conversations from the Heart, a free Q&A call every Wednesday morning. You can find the full podcast here: open.spotify.com/show/3xGcpOlc4ooHgZxSQUZbhl Want to learn more? FREE INTRODUCTORY PROGRAM Conversations from the Heart - weekly live Q&A coaching ...
Working with Anxiety 1080p
Переглядів 1674 місяці тому
It might feel counterintuitive, but empathy can actually make anxiety worse. Find some alternative strategies to working with anxiety in this clip. This is a heavily edited excerpt from Conversations from the Heart, a free Q&A call every Wednesday morning. You can find the full podcast here: open.spotify.com/show/3xGcpOlc4ooHgZxSQUZbhl Want to learn more? FREE INTRODUCTORY PROGRAM Conversations...
How to Respond to "Turn-Arounds" 1080p
Переглядів 2984 місяці тому
Need a roadmap to help navigate the territory when someone turns something around on you? Find it here! This is a heavily edited excerpt from Conversations from the Heart, a free Q&A call every Wednesday morning. You can find the full podcast here: open.spotify.com/show/3xGcpOlc4ooHgZxSQUZbhl Want to learn more? FREE INTRODUCTORY PROGRAM Conversations from the Heart - weekly live Q&A coaching c...
Firing Someone With Care 1080p
Переглядів 1284 місяці тому
Firing someone from their livelihood can be a gut-wrenching task. Here's a roadmap for completing the task with care for all involved. This is an excerpt from Conversations from the Heart, a free Q&A call every Wednesday morning. Want to learn more? FREE INTRODUCTORY PROGRAM Conversations from the Heart - weekly live Q&A coaching call Wednesdays at 10am CT via Zoom Learn more and register here:...
How do I "Get Empathy?" 1080p
Переглядів 3654 місяці тому
Until we've experienced it, empathy can be a hard concept to understand. It's easier to feel than to explain. If you're wondering how to add it to your self-care routine, explore this clip! This is an excerpt from Conversations from the Heart, a free Q&A call every Wednesday morning. Want to learn more? FREE INTRODUCTORY PROGRAM Conversations from the Heart - weekly live Q&A coaching call Wedne...
Changing Me is Not the Solution to Your Discomfort
Переглядів 1,4 тис.5 місяців тому
Changing Me is Not the Solution to Your Discomfort
How to Heal the Past in the Present 1080p
Переглядів 5405 місяців тому
How to Heal the Past in the Present 1080p
Healing a Rift With Parents
Переглядів 1695 місяців тому
Healing a Rift With Parents
Handling a Friend Breakup
Переглядів 2126 місяців тому
Handling a Friend Breakup
Getting to the Heart of Any Situation
Переглядів 7836 місяців тому
Getting to the Heart of Any Situation
Dying to Self
Переглядів 4296 місяців тому
Dying to Self
Integrating all our voices
Переглядів 2136 місяців тому
Integrating all our voices
How Do I Negotiate With My Partner?
Переглядів 2357 місяців тому
How Do I Negotiate With My Partner?
How to Co Create Desire
Переглядів 4578 місяців тому
How to Co Create Desire
How to Address Hearsay
Переглядів 2608 місяців тому
How to Address Hearsay
What if I Don't Want to Say I'm Sorry?
Переглядів 4099 місяців тому
What if I Don't Want to Say I'm Sorry?
Making Peace With Pain 1080p
Переглядів 5319 місяців тому
Making Peace With Pain 1080p
Where does courage come from?
Переглядів 39210 місяців тому
Where does courage come from?
How to respond to reactivity in yourself and others
Переглядів 1,3 тис.11 місяців тому
How to respond to reactivity in yourself and others
Help! My friend is always on her phone!
Переглядів 31111 місяців тому
Help! My friend is always on her phone!

КОМЕНТАРІ

  • @lucy_orangina
    @lucy_orangina День тому

    Hello Yvet, this was very helpful video, thank you so much.. I would like to kindly ask for advice. I met once someone and kind of fall in love with this person's lifestyles. Problem is that he is living 1500 km away from me. I want to ask him out but I'm so scared of rejection because of distance and fact that women is asking men out. What shall I do ? Thank you 🙏

    • @YvetteErasmusPsyD
      @YvetteErasmusPsyD 14 годин тому

      Hi Lucy! It takes so much courage to step outside of our comfort zone! I'm rooting for you!

  • @AgapeGaming17
    @AgapeGaming17 5 днів тому

    Wow, this is some of the best yet simple dating advice I’ve ever heard. I’ve always been nervous of asking someone who I don’t really know out at risk of coming across as weird or creepy to a girl. Putting it the way you have and remembering that their response has more to do with them and not you. The worst she can say is no and that’s okay.

  • @babydragoncreature
    @babydragoncreature 6 днів тому

    Just screaming into a void 99% of the time 😢

  • @herbertniesler320
    @herbertniesler320 8 днів тому

    My intention is that they choose to create their own action. Thank you Marshall for that insight. 😊

  • @herbertniesler320
    @herbertniesler320 8 днів тому

    Your unconscious emotional learnings are accessible through the many ways they express themselves. We need to learn how to recognise them and then follow the bread crumb trail they give us. 😊

  • @herbertniesler320
    @herbertniesler320 8 днів тому

    Excellent point. Self connection allows potential meaningful connection with another. A relationship needs both to be able to come to that space.

  • @herbertniesler320
    @herbertniesler320 8 днів тому

    Acceptance - so important. Reduces internal conflict and supports curiosity.

  • @jamesmcccolors
    @jamesmcccolors 10 днів тому

    I am quite uncomfortable with asking people out, so I am happy to be single and plan on staying that way.

  • @zenabuawoldemariam
    @zenabuawoldemariam 11 днів тому

    Never give up

  • @theoracleofhope
    @theoracleofhope 14 днів тому

    Great informative video!

  • @Sam-sq1gq
    @Sam-sq1gq 28 днів тому

    What can I do, I have choosen to parallel parenting but at some point I get that I will haft to coparent, the narc is trying to change how things look me putting up boundaries looks like me being selfish, at first it was good, then came the twisting the times, criticizing everything to the smallest detail, micromanage me but doing it themselves. I was almost stuck into the cycle until I realized that the complaints where mistakes anyone can make, the narc has shown up on my time, withheld my kids if the narc didn’t get there way, I have been sticking to the order given but it seems that I need to be like a kid and tell my lawyer anytime they act out of line, it wouldn’t be such a big deal but my kids are suffering and I get I can’t control what’s happening at the other home I see that my kids are starting to grow into them slowly it’s troubling to see my once considerate child now see only there sleeves and if don’t have the material things then it’s a fit, no one understands it seems I’m gaslight by anyone that I tell about it I don’t get it. Please your opinion, my lawyer and the court seems to not have any solutions to help.

    • @YvetteErasmusPsyD
      @YvetteErasmusPsyD 15 днів тому

      I'm really sorry to hear that you're dealing with so much stress in your parallel parenting journey. It sounds like you're doing everything you can to create healthy boundaries, but you're being met with resistance, control, and gaslighting, which can be incredibly disorienting and exhausting. Generally speaking, document everything, set boundaries, focus on parallel parenting strategies and get therapeutic support for yourself and your kids. You need a whole team of people to help you! Even if the progress is slow and the challenges seem relentless, your consistent care and stability are gifts your children will eventually recognize. Good luck - here's to an easier, less stressful New Year!

  • @kimknight2760
    @kimknight2760 28 днів тому

    great series !!

  • @KeepItSimpleSailor
    @KeepItSimpleSailor 29 днів тому

    Or maybe you’re just being patronising, like you are in your video. Seriously, you come off as just another patronising condescending jerk. A lot of it is your tone and seems really common amongst women.

  • @rajapriyanut
    @rajapriyanut Місяць тому

    👉👉👉👉How if partner is Patronizing? and have to face this situation everyda👈👈👈👈👈

    • @YvetteErasmusPsyD
      @YvetteErasmusPsyD 22 дні тому

      It can be so hard! One suggestion is to work your hardest to get to the level of feelings and needs.

  • @rhondamorrice8692
    @rhondamorrice8692 Місяць тому

    I found this helpful to me, I can resonate as I think I tend to be too helpful instead of waiting to be asked. 😅 as for the comment below I believe we all need to firt look inward rather try fix others. I also think it's quite frustrating when other people impose their past traumas on us or others, but I think boundaries are needed here, well with me for sure. 😊 a different approach yet kind from me is needed

  • @Nadi-n2x
    @Nadi-n2x Місяць тому

    "To live into my own values as inspiration"

  • @Nadi-n2x
    @Nadi-n2x Місяць тому

    Thank you for clarifying this about empathising with fear

  • @doco925
    @doco925 Місяць тому

    Wow! Definitely a game changer!

  • @doco925
    @doco925 Місяць тому

    Your content is golden! I can only imagine how priceless a full session with you would be!

  • @wendyharris9346
    @wendyharris9346 Місяць тому

    THANK YOU! this work is really changing my life!

  • @gailkoelmeyer7650
    @gailkoelmeyer7650 Місяць тому

    Thankyou so much it was such an eye opener! I shall try to follow your sound advice!

  • @michaelrudolf5959
    @michaelrudolf5959 Місяць тому

    You know nothing about who you approach - it's not personal but feels so! I always give or ask if she'll take my contact info rather than her's! Good advice there!!

  • @meenakumar9543
    @meenakumar9543 Місяць тому

    Why think so deeply about others, just be light hearted when u r with someone talk about urself things u like to do and if they have stuff to say or do they can contribute, its not our place to make someone feel happy, each one has this responsibility to be cheerful 😀we dont have to depend on others reactions to feel happy

  • @Nadi-n2x
    @Nadi-n2x Місяць тому

    Could you please share why you recommend 6:47 🙏and thank you for being somebody who says this all 🙏it contributes to my needs for trust, shared reality, inclusion, hope, freedom and much more

    • @YvetteErasmusPsyD
      @YvetteErasmusPsyD Місяць тому

      @Nadi-n2x At 6:47 I was talking about how the oppression inherent in domination systems convinces us we don't matter, and the antidote to that is insisting that our needs really do matter. Does that help?

  • @Fludded
    @Fludded Місяць тому

    This crazy over thinking it. If you have someone around you who is egotistical - there is only a problem if you also have a big ego. To work with them say nothing and just play along with how they want to do things. You know they arent better than you but just let them pretend they are and they'll be able to work with you... then never call them and dont be their friend. You wont be alone in not being their friend.

  • @NewEarth25
    @NewEarth25 2 місяці тому

    I have a senior friend (79) who lives by herself and we had good relation for 9 months. I took her out for birthday lunch and shopping. But soon after that her attitude changed over what I consider a simple misunderstanding over a message she texted without name and context. I did not call her back right away as I was busy with calling friends affected by flood in NC. She felt so slighted that she started blaming me for lack of kindness and other false things because she was in lot of pain and anger from her past...so I politely declined any face to face meeting she kind of demanded while saying she does not believe and trust me etc. How to stay centered when someone cannot manage their anger and pain and dumps it on you?

    • @YvetteErasmusPsyD
      @YvetteErasmusPsyD Місяць тому

      @NewEarth25, that sounds so painful. I'm sorry. You stumbled upon the key, though - and there are practical steps you can take to stay centered even amidst others' painful dumping. I just wrote a blog post that has some practical tips for managing boundaries and staying grounded when others aren't. I wanted to link it here but couldn't, however you can find those articles on my blog at yvetteeerasmus.com. You can also ask this question on my live Conversations from the Heart call and we can brainstorm together! Good luck!

  • @jamiewilliams829
    @jamiewilliams829 2 місяці тому

    I have a friend who gains great pleasure in pointing out peoples shortcomings and he keeps grudges.

  • @juliendaussy2026
    @juliendaussy2026 2 місяці тому

    A wonderful genuine advice that doesn't stink of social influencer style clickbait.

  • @nicoseaton4567
    @nicoseaton4567 2 місяці тому

    I just got accused of this which is what brought me to this video. I am an I.T support guy who takes calls from people of all levels of I.T literacy. Someone called me up for help and I couldn't remote in so I was asking them to try things and what the results of those things were. About 10 minutes into the diagnosis they just suddenly say "CAN YOU STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE YOU ARE PATRONISING ME" I was working from home sick and it was in my voice I guess.

  • @KMRAND
    @KMRAND 2 місяці тому

    How about…. I think your hair is really pretty…. Why would this be wrong…. Saying something nice to someone could turn their entire day around. Not giving something that’s free for the giving is selfish.

    • @YvetteErasmusPsyD
      @YvetteErasmusPsyD 2 місяці тому

      So true! Kindness for kindness' sake is always a gift - kind and quick compliments like that can really brighten our day! It's usually only when I want to connect more deeply that I'll reveal the impact someone's had on me.

  • @beeplums722
    @beeplums722 2 місяці тому

    Thank you so much for sharing your work, this is incredible <3

  • @KatrinaLoveSmart
    @KatrinaLoveSmart 2 місяці тому

    So happy to have found your channel! I love the way you teach the finer points of applying NVC to life. Thank you!

  • @doco925
    @doco925 2 місяці тому

    Love this! We can be comfortable with the distance without feeling the need to be an extension of the other❤

  • @doco925
    @doco925 2 місяці тому

    You are awesome! Thank you!

  • @zhcoop
    @zhcoop 2 місяці тому

    Thank you for sharing! The gaslightning part really hits me. It's fore sure level asian with the family dynamics. I tend to forget that sometimes, and then "demands" more energy/giraffe-ears from myself and other family members, forgetting it's a huge task. The (self) compassion is very needed for showing up as I want to. And remembering that it's ok not to have contact, when I don't have the energy for the transformation/giraffe ears. I allow myself to take care of me, and that's important.

  • @YvetteErasmusPsyD
    @YvetteErasmusPsyD 2 місяці тому

    “Punitive” really depends on the energy, the intention and the consciousness behind the action as much as the action itself … an agreed upon result for an agreed upon set of circumstances is not necessarily punitive … cause and effect is not necessarily punitive, although the punitive intent is so rampant and pervasive that I can see why these would seem to be inseparable 😢

    • @elizabethscrimgeour6608
      @elizabethscrimgeour6608 2 місяці тому

      @YvetteErasmusPsyD this video really struck a chord with me, because it verbalized what I did with my older kids. I was reacting to my (now ex) husband's approach and went to the extreme opposite to compensate. I have a lot of regret about it and want to find a better balance with my younger kids.

  • @elizabethscrimgeour6608
    @elizabethscrimgeour6608 2 місяці тому

    Taking the phone for a day seems punitive, though.

    • @YvetteErasmusPsyD
      @YvetteErasmusPsyD 2 місяці тому

      Feel free to tweak it for your own situation!

    • @elizabethscrimgeour6608
      @elizabethscrimgeour6608 2 місяці тому

      @YvetteErasmusPsyD thank you for responding. It just seems like taking the phone completely, maybe just giving it to the child for communication purposes when they're out for example, would be protective. Taking it for a short period of time is what I perceive as punitive. I hope I'm not coming across as obnoxious here.

    • @YvetteErasmusPsyD
      @YvetteErasmusPsyD 2 місяці тому

      @@elizabethscrimgeour6608 Makes total sense to me - and you're not coming across as obnoxious to me at all, LOL - no worries. I like the nuances you're adding, and fully support finding the best fit solution that helps bring the intention and impact loop into more alignment whenever possible ... meaning, what strategies am I trying out with the intent of being protective, not punitive, and also, are those strategies being received as protective, instead of punitive. Which, of course is different than people "liking" the strategies ... I like the questions you're asking and the suggestions you're making :-) Bring it on! It sounds to me like your kids are lucky to have you :-)

    • @elizabethscrimgeour6608
      @elizabethscrimgeour6608 2 місяці тому

      @YvetteErasmusPsyD thank you for the encouragement and affirmative words. Your videos have all been so helpful and uplifting for me. I wish I had access to them years ago, but am thankful that we're both here now 😊

  • @SeaJay_Oceans
    @SeaJay_Oceans 2 місяці тому

    Meh. Only stupid poor people with low breeding and no education sound Patronizing... If they applied themselves and tried harder to succeed in life, they wouldn't be on the bottom of society... After all, it's not really their fault they are so inferior, you can't expect much of these people. The best they can hope for in life is to mind their place and obey their betters. 😋

  • @SeaJay_Oceans
    @SeaJay_Oceans 2 місяці тому

    " DO You Sound Patronizing? YOU ? Patronizing !? N e v e r !" 😋

  • @AliciaMarkoe
    @AliciaMarkoe 2 місяці тому

    Thank you 🦋

  • @mirjamgorog8755
    @mirjamgorog8755 2 місяці тому

    I can imagine this if the doughter says this “sorry I forgot” part. But if she just says “she is acting normal” then what? By the way Thank you for the video :)

    • @YvetteErasmusPsyD
      @YvetteErasmusPsyD 2 місяці тому

      The key is to speak neutrally and formulate an "if...then" response. So glad you liked the video!

    • @mirjamgorog8755
      @mirjamgorog8755 2 місяці тому

      @@YvetteErasmusPsyD Thank you for your answer :)

  • @Nadi-n2x
    @Nadi-n2x 3 місяці тому

    I feel so overwhelmed with the amount of selfwork that needs to be done

    • @YvetteErasmusPsyD
      @YvetteErasmusPsyD 3 місяці тому

      I get it. Sometimes I do, too. I try to take it one day and one situation at a time. 💗

    • @Nadi-n2x
      @Nadi-n2x 3 місяці тому

      @@YvetteErasmusPsyD Thank you for letting me know the path that works for you, hope it can work for me too

  • @mitzzzu_tigerjones444
    @mitzzzu_tigerjones444 3 місяці тому

    So… like, putting your thoughts in quarantine to be dealt with in a more conducive environment Vs Internalizing and forgetting Or Reacting immediately to fear and guilt.

  • @TonySchmidt-l5x
    @TonySchmidt-l5x 3 місяці тому

    I appreciate you. You get it.

  • @idlikemoreprivacy9716
    @idlikemoreprivacy9716 3 місяці тому

    Any NVC channel by oppressed minotiry members, especially suffering violence from police and other government officers?

    • @YvetteErasmusPsyD
      @YvetteErasmusPsyD 3 місяці тому

      I am not aware of any, but I would love to support or promote any that you might suggest

  • @BitterTast3
    @BitterTast3 3 місяці тому

    The problem is during those situations where time isn't an available luxury. It's in those types of interactions where NVC is useless.

    • @YvetteErasmusPsyD
      @YvetteErasmusPsyD 3 місяці тому

      When we don't have the time to become aware or skillful, it's true, we default to whatever survival tactics will work. In those cases, for me at least, maintaining an attitude and position of internal nonviolence becomes my practice.

  • @laurieberry162
    @laurieberry162 3 місяці тому

    I would say that you are racist too.

  • @shridhards1870
    @shridhards1870 3 місяці тому

    So angelic you are in your presentation of the things . Great way to go. Hats off.

  • @arsadulalom1
    @arsadulalom1 3 місяці тому

    I am Ershadal am UA-cam video SEO and backlinking expert if you want you can do your UA-cam video SEO and backlinking to get a lot of views on your video if you want you can make your channel viral very fast I do everything organically

  • @Cuauhtemoc3
    @Cuauhtemoc3 3 місяці тому

    There's this cute cashier girl at my local market and I'm thinking of asking her out for coffee or dinner. Thanks for the video.

    • @sandi0502
      @sandi0502 Місяць тому

      did you ask her out?