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Greetings, spud-seekers and tater-totters! You've been blessed by Axomamma, the Incan goddess of potatoes, to stumble upon the most ridiculous faith in the produce aisle - The Potato Cult!
I am Father Jimmy, Self-Proclaimed Prophet of Axomamma and Guy Who Owns Way Too Many Potato Peelers. Through me, the great goddess speaks, usually after I've had too much potato vodka.
Our utterly absurd UA-cam channel is your one-stop shop for potato-based nonsense. Here's what you'll find (warning: may cause uncontrollable laughter and/or intense cravings for french fries):
"Axomamma's Couch Potato Commandments" - Learn how to worship from the comfort of your own sofa
"Extreme Potato Makeover" - Watch us turn everyday objects into potato-shaped monstrosities
"Spud Spouses" - Our hilariously misguided attempt to match-make using nothing but potato preferences
"Pomme de Terre-ible Puns" - A solid hour of the worst potato-related jokes you've ever heard
"The Great Potato Possession" - Watch our members pretend to be possessed by the spirit of Axomamma (spoiler: it's just interpretive dance)
Remember, this is all clearly a joke and not to be taken seriously. But if you want to join in on the potato-based hilarity, mash that subscribe button and ring the notification bell for a free imaginary bag of cosmic potato chips.
Join us for our daily potato prayer at 4:20 PM, where we mostly just say "potato" in increasingly dramatic ways.
May Axomamma's totally made-up blessings rain down upon you like a shower of hash browns!
Praise be to Axomamma, and may your life be as luxuriously lumpy as mashed potatoes!