Julie Shafer
Julie Shafer
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Change Your Brain and Be a Better Partner with Dr. Gary Salyer
In this special episode, I sit down with Dr. Gary Salyer, one of my favorite people and an incredible expert in love and relationships.
Dr. Salyer helps individuals and couples rewrite the rules of love in their brains, allowing them to experience deeper connections and lasting partnerships. We discuss:
- How to retrain your brain to become a better partner.
- Overcoming patterns of settling and discovering what creating a truly fulfilling relationship means.
- The role of attachment theory in love and why understanding it can transform your relationships.
Gary shares his inspiring journey-from early life realizations about love to his personal experiences of marriage and rediscovery. His insights will leave you hopeful and empowered to build the love life you deserve.
Whether you're single, in a relationship, or simply curious about love, this conversation is for you. Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe for more meaningful discussions.
🌟 Here's the link to my FREE GUIDE Saying it Right: Your Guide to Confident Communication: www.drjulieshafer.com/free-guide-to-confident-communication
🌟 If you enjoyed this video, please like, comment, and subscribe for more tips. Your support means the world to me and helps me get this information out to others!
🩷 Thanks for watching. See you in the next video!
👉 Get expert advice - FREE! Do you have a burning question or situation that you need advice on? Submit it today and get expert guidance on navigating relationships, personal growth, and more. www.drjulieshafer.com/ask-dr-julie
👉 Find support and advice and learn how to love better to have the Soulful Relationship you want and deserve: groups/663443891245495
Website: www.drjulieshafer.com
Facebook: JulieShaferPhD
Instagram: drjulieshafer
** Disclaimers **
When you buy products or services through links on my site or in my emails, I may earn a small affiliate commission. However, I only recommend products that I would use for myself and those I care about.
All videos, articles, and statements made by me (Dr. Julie Shafer) and/or published by me anywhere online are for information and educational purposes only. Because everyone’s situation is different, please consult the appropriate professional before taking action based on information from this site or other publications by Dr. Julie Shafer. Reliance on information contained on my site, emails, or other platforms (e.g., FaceBook, UA-cam, Medium, etc.) is solely at your own risk.
Переглядів: 32

Відео

Generosity vs People Pleasing: Know the Difference
Переглядів 5619 годин тому
Do you ever wonder if your "yes" truly comes from your heart or if it's your inner people-pleaser taking over? Many of us struggle to find the line between genuine generosity and people-pleasing. In this video, I’ll help you uncover the difference and teach you to say "yes" for the right reasons. 1️⃣ How to recognize if your "yes" comes from fear or alignment. 2️⃣ Three powerful questions to as...
4 Signs You're Overcommitting: Are You Guilty of These?
Переглядів 4714 днів тому
If you feel resentful, exhausted or tired of conflict, you might be in a cycle of overcommitment from people-pleasing. In this video, I discuss four clear signs you might be overcommitting or caught in a cycle of people-pleasing. I'll give you some practical tips to help you step back and prioritize your own well-being without guilt. Chapters: 00:00 Introduction 01:35 Resentment 03:40 Exhaustio...
Prioritize Yourself This Year Without Feeling Guilty
Переглядів 10821 день тому
Happy New Year, and welcome to 2025! 🎉 Let's kick things off with a mindset shift - what if putting yourself first isn’t selfish but the best way to care for those around you? In this video, I dive into why self-care matters and how to set boundaries, say "no" without guilt, and create meaningful goals for the new year. If you’ve ever felt guilty for putting yourself first, this is for you! I’l...
Achieving Goals with Soul: Overcoming People-Pleasing and Setting Intentions with Kate House
Переглядів 5928 днів тому
In this insightful conversation, Dr. Julie sits down with Kate House, host of the Live By Design Podcast, women's empowerment coach, and creator of the "Live by Design Blueprint." Together, they explore how high-achieving women can break free from people-pleasing tendencies and set meaningful goals that align with their true desires. Kate shares her personal journey from a quarter-life crisis t...
Working Through Conflict in High-Stakes Relationships with Jayson Gaddis
Переглядів 62Місяць тому
Jayson founded the Relationship School and has made it his mission to educate people on how to do relationships right. Most of that work involves how to navigate conflict. In this interview, he talked about the problem with avoiding conflict, the importance of repair after a conflict, what gets in the way of reconnection, and common types of arguments. One of the gems in this interview is his d...
7 People-Pleasing Habits Sabotaging Your Happiness
Переглядів 112Місяць тому
Do you ever feel like no matter how much you give, try, or care, things still feel like they're falling apart? In this video, I explore the seven patterns that keep people-pleasers trapped in emotional overwhelm and instability. Learn how common habits like approval addiction, perfectionism, empathy overload, and blurred boundaries sabotage your emotional well-being and what you can do to chang...
The Surprising Secret to Setting Boundaries Without Being Selfish
Переглядів 91Місяць тому
Have you ever tried to set a boundary, only to be called "selfish"? Setting boundaries, especially if you’re a people-pleaser, can feel uncomfortable or even nerve-wracking. In this video, we break down why people sometimes react this way and discuss how to communicate boundaries effectively-without feeling like you’re being selfish. I'll walk you through how to talk about the impact on you rat...
Stop The Conflicts: Unlocking Relationship Harmony With Kyle Benson
Переглядів 142Місяць тому
Is navigating conflict difficult for you? Today I have relationship expert Kyle Benson here to talk about conflict. We talk about how to keep those small issues from blowing up on us. And, did you know that learning to navigate conflict effectively can actually generate closeness and intimacy? He has a method for doing this and he offers some practical tools for navigating conflicts. You'll wan...
3 Ways to Stop Emotional Meltdowns
Переглядів 1012 місяці тому
Ever feel like everything’s out of control or find yourself reacting in ways you later regret? In today’s video, we’re diving into emotional dysregulation-what it is, what causes it, and how it affects our relationships, work, and overall quality of life. I’ll walk you through three common ways our emotions can get thrown off course and give you practical tools to get back on track. I’ll also s...
8 Sneaky Ways You're Being Manipulated and How to Stop It!
Переглядів 1462 місяці тому
Have you ever felt like someone was subtly influencing you, making you question your decisions, or pushing you to act against your own wishes? Chances are, you've encountered emotional manipulation-an often subtle but powerful form of control. Whether it's happening at work, at home, or with friends, emotional manipulation can affect anyone, and recognizing it is the first step to taking back c...
6 Signs You're Easy to Manipulate
Переглядів 1562 місяці тому
Have you ever left a conversation feeling manipulated but couldn’t figure out why? Or do you wonder if you're “too nice” or overly trusting? If that resonates, this video is for you. Here, I break down the subtle signs that might make you more susceptible to manipulation, often without realizing it. Whether it’s people-pleasing, trouble setting boundaries or needing approval, you’ll see how the...
Why Rejection Trauma Haunts You & How to Heal
Переглядів 1163 місяці тому
Have you ever been deeply hurt by rejection, and found those feelings lingering for a long time, even years later? In this video, I’ll explain how rejection trauma can affect you, what self-doubt looks like in the context of rejection, and why it’s crucial to address these wounds so they don’t control your thoughts and behavior. If you’ve ever felt crippled by self-doubt after being rejected, t...
The 7 Secrets to a Passionate, Long-Lasting Relationship with Corinne Farago
Переглядів 1143 місяці тому
The 7 Secrets to a Passionate, Long-Lasting Relationship with Corinne Farago
Stop Overreacting: 3 Steps to Emotional Mastery
Переглядів 1083 місяці тому
Stop Overreacting: 3 Steps to Emotional Mastery
The ACA Method: Conquering Self-Criticism with A. Garcia
Переглядів 633 місяці тому
The ACA Method: Conquering Self-Criticism with A. Garcia
From Self-Doubt to Self-Love: The Power of Shadow Work with Junie Moon
Переглядів 864 місяці тому
From Self-Doubt to Self-Love: The Power of Shadow Work with Junie Moon
Shut Down Your Inner Critic In 4 Easy Steps!
Переглядів 734 місяці тому
Shut Down Your Inner Critic In 4 Easy Steps!
Crush Your Inner Critic and Build Self Trust With These Practical Tips
Переглядів 775 місяців тому
Crush Your Inner Critic and Build Self Trust With These Practical Tips
4 Strategies for Managing Your Emotions
Переглядів 865 місяців тому
4 Strategies for Managing Your Emotions
Are you passive-aggressive?
Переглядів 1365 місяців тому
Are you passive-aggressive?
Unlock The Secret To Balancing Being Nice and People-Pleasing: 10 Signs You've Crossed The Line!
Переглядів 1195 місяців тому
Unlock The Secret To Balancing Being Nice and People-Pleasing: 10 Signs You've Crossed The Line!
How To Set Healthier Boundaries With Loving Detachment | Watch Now!
Переглядів 1686 місяців тому
How To Set Healthier Boundaries With Loving Detachment | Watch Now!
How to Be Authentic Without Making a Fool of Yourself
Переглядів 1306 місяців тому
How to Be Authentic Without Making a Fool of Yourself
7 Signs You're A People Pleaser
Переглядів 1896 місяців тому
7 Signs You're A People Pleaser
9 Tips for Setting Better Boundaries
Переглядів 2176 місяців тому
9 Tips for Setting Better Boundaries
Are You Selfish? Here's How To Know! | #selfish #selfishness #selfishpeople
Переглядів 1,3 тис.7 місяців тому
Are You Selfish? Here's How To Know! | #selfish #selfishness #selfishpeople
Can Self-Love Really Change Your Life?
Переглядів 357 місяців тому
Can Self-Love Really Change Your Life?
4 Steps to Self-Forgiveness
Переглядів 227 місяців тому
4 Steps to Self-Forgiveness
Welcome to my channel - Dr. Julie, a psychologist and relationship coach.
Переглядів 897 місяців тому
Welcome to my channel - Dr. Julie, a psychologist and relationship coach.

КОМЕНТАРІ

  • @EarlKingRanch
    @EarlKingRanch 6 днів тому

    Amen.

  • @iviwenojekwa3223
    @iviwenojekwa3223 8 днів тому

    ❤❤

  • @CrochetWithPJ
    @CrochetWithPJ 22 дні тому

    Thank you again Dr Julie. I’m really looking forward to attending your workshop later this month, and I can’t wait to hear what you have to say!

    • @drjulieshafer
      @drjulieshafer 19 днів тому

      Me too! I'm excited to see you there! 😊

  • @jelie8760
    @jelie8760 Місяць тому

    Wow, Dr. Julie! I can relate to so much of what you're saying here! The patterns you mentioned really hit home.

    • @drjulieshafer
      @drjulieshafer Місяць тому

      Most of us do more than one pattern! 😅

  • @CrochetWithPJ
    @CrochetWithPJ Місяць тому

    I’ve always had problems identifying my own emotions, and you absolutely nailed it with your explanation about the Emotional Tug of War.

  • @deetravelstories
    @deetravelstories Місяць тому

    love this!!

  • @CrochetWithPJ
    @CrochetWithPJ Місяць тому

    This is so helpful, and your example of the dirty car makes perfect sense. Thank you Dr Julie!

  • @CrochetWithPJ
    @CrochetWithPJ Місяць тому

    Wow, so helpful! I’m going to have my husband watch this video, and we’ll see how that goes 🙃

    • @drjulieshafer
      @drjulieshafer Місяць тому

      Good luck with that! 😉 You might want to bribe him 😂

  • @deetravelstories
    @deetravelstories 2 місяці тому

    Thanks Dr. Julie! Very helpful on helping me regulate my emotions 🙏🏻

  • @CrochetWithPJ
    @CrochetWithPJ 2 місяці тому

    Thanks Dr Julie. Now I’m going to practice my creative outlet skills, and work on a crochet project!

    • @drjulieshafer
      @drjulieshafer 2 місяці тому

      Wonderful! That's a great creative outlet!

  • @jelie8760
    @jelie8760 2 місяці тому

    love this! thanks for sharing about emotional meltdowns!

    • @drjulieshafer
      @drjulieshafer 2 місяці тому

      Hopefully we can avoid them (mostly) this holiday season!

  • @CrochetWithPJ
    @CrochetWithPJ 2 місяці тому

    I can totally relate to several of these manipulative tactics! Thanks for pointing these out, truly helpful!

  • @PhyllisSteinberg-qk1oy
    @PhyllisSteinberg-qk1oy 2 місяці тому

    Thanks

    • @drjulieshafer
      @drjulieshafer 2 місяці тому

      You're welcome. I'm glad that was helpful. 🩷

  • @teeve1500
    @teeve1500 2 місяці тому

    Oh boy I absolutely avoid confrontation, as it drains me and disturbes me. Am kind, warm, empathetic person, needless to say, have been manipulated BIG TIME Have let myself to be used , now feel shame and guilt , sometimes just cry because of people's cruelty

    • @drjulieshafer
      @drjulieshafer 2 місяці тому

      I hear you!! It’s hard to approach conflict and yet if we don’t, there isn’t anyone who will stand up for us at the end of the day. We need to stand up for ourselves, as risky as that feels. 🩷

  • @CrochetWithPJ
    @CrochetWithPJ 2 місяці тому

    Another powerful message! I tend to avoid confrontation, so I need to learn to embrace healthy conflict and also learn to say no. Thank you Dr Julie!

  • @deetravelstories
    @deetravelstories 3 місяці тому

    I didn't know I had all These signs of rejection trauma! Thank you for this informative video, Dr. Julie 🫶

  • @CrochetWithPJ
    @CrochetWithPJ 3 місяці тому

    “Rejection is about somebody else’s inability to see it (your worth)”. Wow, that little nugget of wisdom is a powerful eye opener!! Thank you Dr Julie 😊

    • @drjulieshafer
      @drjulieshafer 3 місяці тому

      I'm so glad it was eye-opening! 🩷

  • @CrochetWithPJ
    @CrochetWithPJ 3 місяці тому

    I was so impressed with what Corinne had to say, that I have already purchased her book on Amazon. I am so excited about the idea of having a better closer and more intimate relationship with my husband!

    • @drjulieshafer
      @drjulieshafer 2 місяці тому

      That's so great to hear! I hope you and your husband enjoy her book as much as I did 😊

  • @CrochetWithPJ
    @CrochetWithPJ 3 місяці тому

    Your example of the emotional overreaction we can experience when driving in heavy traffic really hit home with me, and I’m definitely going to use the Attention strategy next time I’m out driving. Thank you Dr. Julie for another very helpful video!

    • @drjulieshafer
      @drjulieshafer 3 місяці тому

      It’s just easier without all the drama 😊

  • @CrochetWithPJ
    @CrochetWithPJ 4 місяці тому

    What an amazing story! I really liked her suggestion about defining the four S’s, and using that as a guide for moving forward.

    • @drjulieshafer
      @drjulieshafer 4 місяці тому

      She has quite a story, doesn't she? I love her approach.

  • @CrochetWithPJ
    @CrochetWithPJ 4 місяці тому

    Great interview with Junie! I would love to learn more about how to use shadow work for some of my physical healing and the medical problems that are “holding me back”

    • @TinaLouiseWallace
      @TinaLouiseWallace 4 місяці тому

      I was just responding. The book the body keeps the score is great. Also the body code & the emotion code (not really sure the difference) can help clear out stored traumas, generational trauma that you may not even know about…. It’s all amazing and makes so much sense

    • @MidlifeLoveOutLoud
      @MidlifeLoveOutLoud 4 місяці тому

      Hi. SW is extremely helpful. There's a whole chapter in my book about my back pain that didn't budge until I did my shadow work. The unconscious mind and all the programming is running in teh background of oru mind and the body will react to all the beliefs. Uncover the old programming and change it, heal it, the body heals too.

  • @CrochetWithPJ
    @CrochetWithPJ 5 місяців тому

    I really like your idea of setting small but achievable goals, but especially the tip about keeping a journal of my accomplishments. So that is the tip I’m going to apply. I have my notebook and a pen and I’m going to start journaling my goals and accomplishments starting today!

    • @drjulieshafer
      @drjulieshafer 3 місяці тому

      start somewhere, start small. 🩷

  • @CrochetWithPJ
    @CrochetWithPJ 5 місяців тому

    Yet another great video with some really helpful nuggets of wisdom! I am definitely going to try harder to do a better job of setting boundaries and saying no. Thank you so much Dr. Julie!

    • @drjulieshafer
      @drjulieshafer 5 місяців тому

      Thanks! I'm glad you're finding my videos helpful. 😊

  • @CrochetWithPJ
    @CrochetWithPJ 5 місяців тому

    I had no idea that giving someone the silent treatment was considered passive aggressive behavior. Thank you so much Dr Julie for your insights and advice. Your tip sheet is definitely worth reading, and so helpful!!

    • @drjulieshafer
      @drjulieshafer 5 місяців тому

      I’m glad you learned something. I hope it’s helpful 😊🩷

  • @CrochetWithPJ
    @CrochetWithPJ 6 місяців тому

    Wow, I had no idea there was such a thing as being too nice!

    • @drjulieshafer
      @drjulieshafer 6 місяців тому

      I bet that gives you something to think about!

  • @deetravelstories
    @deetravelstories 6 місяців тому

    Just what I needed to hear 🙌🏻 Your videos and insights about people pleasing are genuinely helping me to set stronger boundaries 🫶🏻

  • @CrochetWithPJ
    @CrochetWithPJ 6 місяців тому

    I had never heard of loving detachment before, and you explained it so well! My biggest fear is that if I practice loving detachment with my husband, that he may continue to do unhealthy things, like eat unhealthy food, and that will possibly shorten his lifespan. So because of this, I tend to nag him to get him to eat right and to take his medications. I’m on the fence about what to do.

    • @drjulieshafer
      @drjulieshafer 6 місяців тому

      This is a tough one and lots of people (including me) have had to confront this dilemma. The consequences of your husband not taking care of himself hurt you, not just him, and you want him to be healthy, of course! But he's an adult and can make his own decisions. In fact, he probably dislikes being nagged, which makes him more resistant to eating healthy--he doesn't want to do "what he's told." You're best bet here is to explain how you feel and what you are going to do, *one time.* And then let him decide whether he is going to follow through or not. _For example, I want you to eat healthy so you are as healthy and happy as possible because I love you. I'm going to continue to make healthy meals and offer you healthy snacks, but I'm no longer going to insist that you eat them or nag you about not eating unhealthily. It's up to you whether you decide to eat healthy or not. And if you don't eat what I make, that's great because it leaves more for me!!_

    • @CrochetWithPJ
      @CrochetWithPJ 6 місяців тому

      @@drjulieshafer Thank you so much for your insight, that helps a lot!

  • @CrochetWithPJ
    @CrochetWithPJ 6 місяців тому

    Thank you Dr Julie! Your insight is spot on, as always!

  • @deetravelstories
    @deetravelstories 6 місяців тому

    as a people pleaser ive always been afraid to be authentic thank you for this insights very helpful

  • @Youhavetodoit.
    @Youhavetodoit. 6 місяців тому

    Greetings from Poland 🇵🇱😊

  • @keiri456
    @keiri456 6 місяців тому

    Thank you so much. I really needed to hear this. 💛

    • @drjulieshafer
      @drjulieshafer 6 місяців тому

      I'm so glad you found it helpful. 🩷

  • @deetravelstories
    @deetravelstories 6 місяців тому

    definitely the people pleasing signs I needed to know!

  • @CrochetWithPJ
    @CrochetWithPJ 6 місяців тому

    Your tip number 4 really resonated with me! Thank you so much, Dr. Julie!

  • @CrochetWithPJ
    @CrochetWithPJ 6 місяців тому

    I love this video! I think it would be really helpful. If you did another video with some specific examples of common situations and how a person could set boundaries.

  • @deetravelstories
    @deetravelstories 7 місяців тому

    what I needed to hear! Thank you Dr. Julie!

  • @AhmedMohamed-lt9xj
    @AhmedMohamed-lt9xj 7 місяців тому

    ❤❤❤❤❤

  • @--M--1111
    @--M--1111 7 місяців тому

    Having kids in a broken world, instead of adopting, knowing climate changes, possibly harm, handicaps and other miseries that this world has to offer AND THEN judge women who chose to take care of themselves, travel, enjoy their young 20s and 30s , excel in their careers is selfish. More women should learn to be selfish with their time on Earth. Nobody ever asked us to be here, so it is up to us to chose how we want to live it. As long as it is not to harm others there is nothing wrong with saying NO I won't please others so that they are comfortable.

    • @drjulieshafer
      @drjulieshafer 7 місяців тому

      Yes! More women should take better care of themselves with their one, wonderful life ❤

  • @erinlmatlock
    @erinlmatlock 7 місяців тому

    The 'S' word. It's a tough one. I feel like we spend our whole lives undoing the indoctrination of our worthlessness. Thank you for this video, Julie. It's so needed. ❤ (And I love that shirt. 😍)

  • @sirajsyeda3714
    @sirajsyeda3714 7 місяців тому

    This was a great episode!!!!

  • @josiekorenek2795
    @josiekorenek2795 7 місяців тому

    Holy shit. I’m not selfish

  • @eperry9653
    @eperry9653 7 місяців тому

    Self love ❤

  • @eperry9653
    @eperry9653 7 місяців тому

    Such good information.

  • @eperry9653
    @eperry9653 7 місяців тому

    This is me. Been working on this a lot. Taking time to be alone and get to know myself has been good for me.

  • @eperry9653
    @eperry9653 7 місяців тому

    Love this.

  • @eperry9653
    @eperry9653 7 місяців тому

    Thank you.

  • @deetravelstories
    @deetravelstories 7 місяців тому

    great insights!

  • @JellySocialLab
    @JellySocialLab 7 місяців тому

    Great video! Your tips on balancing self-care and considering others' needs were spot on!

    • @drjulieshafer
      @drjulieshafer 7 місяців тому

      I’m glad they were helpful 🩷

  • @CrochetWithPJ
    @CrochetWithPJ 7 місяців тому

    Wow, I had no idea that I wasn't actually being selfish! Thank you so much Dr. Julie!

  • @TomeRodrigo
    @TomeRodrigo 7 місяців тому

    Good luck. Try to improve the audio because the sound is very low.

  • @drjulieshafer
    @drjulieshafer Рік тому

    Learn How Effective Communication Can Improve Your Relationships 👇🏻 www.drjulieshafer.com/effective-communication-guide