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Finished at 1:35 AM, uploaded at 1:35 PM.
I know It's been 4 years since me and cld/ZeohyrBeast have known each other, but two months ago, I really felt shattered and crushed. After being asked if I had feelings for him, I was too nervous and terrified to confess. I just had problems giving myself the courage to bring it up. I never realized that apart from saying we're just friends, that deep down, I actually DID love him. Never brought myself to admit it. I feel so stupid and unfixable. I even let out a scream after our last conversation and it felt so different from the last conversations with some former friends on DeviantArt.
The first in 2022 called another friend of mine a thief and I no longer trusted her. Second, he was nice at first for a while until one day, he was a MONSTER. He started being a bully and made horrible insults to the people of the LGBTQ community. After that, we deactivated his account. Third former friend was nice from the start as well, but we later heard she had schizophrenia, which was the cause to making some accusations on us being hurtful people towards another friend who told me and my current friends back in 2023 that he didn't wanna be our friend anymore. After all these, I can't trust people enough to make new friends nowadays. That was just... Traumatizing. I don't wanna lose the friends I have now, not even from verbal abuse.
All my life, my lack of social skills and speaking up have made it impossible to make friends with other kids. I just hide away, keeping to myself and isolated. That's why having online friends is better. And one time, I told one of my sisters that I "was not getting a boyfriend" and she said "good, I won't let you". I was a kid then and didn't know why I said it, and now.... *Inhales deeply* I take that back. I'm a bisexual girl and thought to be aromantic, but now I could be demisexual/demiromantic, either one. Who cares if someone else hurts me, none of that matters! What really matters is that someone actually CARES in the right way. My mom accepts me no matter what, I hope it's the same for all of you.
Gosh, talking and thinking about this makes me cry, even if I sound like Golden Freddy or Roxanne Wolf while crying. I regret so much, even for holding back the things I wanted to say. The former former friends are nothing more than thorns in my hide and they're nothing to me. Sometimes I wonder if I could be autistic, but I could be wrong.
Oh heck, I'm to DONE with all these past darned emotional breakdowns and emotional ties and anxiety! I'm gonna BREAK outta that prison depression holds me in and I'll set those thoughts of anxiety on fire and burn them down to the ground! To say it like Roxy; depression, you are NOTHING! I'm gonna fight back to live better days no matter what happens in my life wether I like or or not! No more depression!
The Lion King/Guard by Disney.
Sally's Song - Fiona Apple (originally sung by Catherine O'Hara).
All ocs belong to me. Bakari was originally made by ZephyrBeast1522.
All bases belong to their respective owners.